Edward Forgave American Solecisms

One successful American in Edwardian era London promoted himself ~ In 1906, following a vacation to London, American businessman, the savvy and brash, Harry Gordon Selfridge, returned to England and invested £400,000 in his own department store. Built in what was then the “unfashionable” western end of Oxford Street, the store opened in 1909 to the public, and his 20-year leadership of “Selfridges” led to his becoming one of the most respected and wealthy retail magnates in the United Kingdom. He was known as the “Earl of Oxford Street.” Sadly, his solecisms and downfall were to follow, from lavish spending, gambling debts and affairs with showgirls.

“The social promoter abroad, whether male or female, is not always the happiest of mortals. The recent disaster which befell some Americans who trusted too much to the savoir faire of their sponsor in London has produced disastrous results. English society is still a stickler, and the rumor that a gentleman and his wife, trusting to an American in London, who has had some position, in engineering them through, committed some kind of solecism, being present at a ball at Buckingham Palace without previously having been presented, has been the talk of the clubs this week. However, the matter is much more serious from the point of an American in London, than otherwise. Very few Americans have been honored with invitations to state balls at Buckingham Palace, which are very stupid functions and empty honors at best.

King Edward is very liberal in his ideas, especially toward Americans, but extremely narrow where his own subjects are concerned. He has been known to send to Coventry, men of prominence—and women, too, for that matter—for very slight breaches of etiquette. But he is most lenient in the case of people from this side. There is reason to believe, in the present story as retailed, that there is a slight animus in the American colony in London. However, the incident bears fruit, and Americans who go to London for social recognition there, are becoming more and more wary of the promoter who has not been in favor recently. The social promoter is not unknown in New York, and there has existed in late years, a certain prejudice against him. The male promoter is disappearing, and the man who can secure a comparatively unknown person membership in exclusive clubs is becoming rarer each day. Ten years ago there were many such men, members of the most fashionable New York clubs. Today there are strong local prejudices to fight, and Wall Street is often a factor.” –The Los Angeles Herald, 1904

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Table Etiquette of the Well-Bred

The well-bred woman seats herself without fuss, removes her gloves, opens up her napkin and places it on her lap. She keeps her hands from the table and does nothing for herself because the waiter is paid for service and expects to give it without assistance. 

Betty Bradeen’s Daily Chat

Ease at table is the distinguishing mark of good breeding, and it comes from a thorough knowledge of table etiquette and familiarity with the forms which govern it. If a woman is accustomed to be heedless in the privacy of home life, she is likely to be found wanting in manners when subjected to public inspection, for habits will crop out in the face of ordinary vigilance. Eating in public is an increasing habit which affects other than high-class society. 

Women go to hotels and tearooms after a shopping tour or as a finish to a matinee. The well-bred woman seats herself without fuss, removes her gloves, opens up her napkin and places it on her lap. She keeps her hands from the table and does nothing for herself because the waiter is paid for service and expects to give it without assistance. 

If soup is served she eats noiselessly from the side of her spoon, dipping from her and never attempting to fill the spoon to the dripping point or clean her plate. This may seem an unnecessary statement, but from recent observation I am inclined to the belief that if all women know these things, they do not practice them. 

Fish is generally eaten with a fork, which is sufficient to separate the flesh from the bones. It is allowable to use a knife when necessary, and it is usually provided for the purpose. There are innumerable other dishes when nothing more than a fork is necessary, like omelettes, croquettes and creamed meats or vegetables and salads. It is obvious that the fewer the implements at the table, the easier the process of eating, and if knife, fork and spoon are reserved for their separate uses, there is less likelihood of blunders. It is safe to use the fork wherever possible and neglect the knife when it can be done without discomfort and awkwardness. 

Spoons are necessary with liquids or semi-liquids, and that ought to be easy to remember. It ought not to be necessary to say that only small portions of food should he conveyed to the mouth and that speech should he tabooed until the morsels are swallowed, but here is just where serious fault can be found. Perfect chewing is done with closed lips and in silence, but the great majority are not doing either. There is chatter from beginning to finish, and so we hear of bad cases of indigestion, and accusations of bolting the food. 

Refinement in eating and drinking cannot be too strongly dwelt upon, and the importance of beginning the training in childhood cannot be over-estimated. Feeding is not a pretty process at its best. There are small points in table etiquette which change from time to time and one may be pardoned for being unfamiliar with them. Any woman of ordinary perception can pick them up by merely waiting till she sees somebody do the correct thing. If there is a single article on the table whose use one does not know, it is best left in its place—neglect will easily pass for intentional in such a case. 

If a woman knows that she is not graceful with tea or service, she will do better to leave the pouring to the others, for it is good form to shirk service if one wishes. There is everything in this set of rules to stamp one with refinement if she heeds them, and nothing which could not, and should not, be a part of the simplest home life. —Betty Bradeen, 1909

Etiquette Enthusiast Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Edwardian Telephone Etiquette

                    

Early Bell Telephone literature explained how "courteous and considerate co-operation is essential at the telephone..." —The instrument is not to be used as a means of paying a social visit to a man in his office without the bother of going there in person. 

Etiquette When Telephoning 

BOOKS of etiquette should be expanded to contain a chapter on the courtesies of using a telephone. To begin with, the instrument is not to be used as a means of paying a social visit to a man in his office without the bother of going there in person.

There is no possible objection to calling a friend down town during the day, when there is a question to be asked or a bit of informatlon that should be conveyed. But the woman at the other end of the line must bear in mind that a man in the office is having endless demands upon his time and that he must meet them. Also, that business is absorbing at the moment, and however much pleased he may be at being remembered, his mind is not then in social trend.

So to respond to a continued conversation about the uptown side of life he must switch his mental equilibrium, and the less he is obliged to do this when pressed for time, the more popular his acquaintances will be with him. When occasion arises that a man is to be telephoned to, the message should be as brief as is consistent with perfect courtesy, without brusqueness, and then the woman should end the talk.

Must Pay Hostess for Out-of-Town Calls

To use the instrument of another person as though it were one's own is a mistake frequently made through thoughtlessness. It is not good form to make a practice of asking permission to do so when paying a call. Some women have the habit of asking to use the phone quite as they would were the house a public station, and this is an abuse of good nature. The idea that an offer to pay regular toll rates for the message makes it right is a mistake. It is sometimes a great inconvenience to a hostess to allow an outsider to use the phone. For Instance, it may not be situated in a place where she cares to take a stranger, and it is not well to use one's hostess as a "convenience."

In cities where public phones are in every block there is rarely justification for using the phone of a friend unless one is visiting in the same house. But if it is employed it should be regarded as a courtesy and nothing said about paying for the message, except where it is without the regular radius and is known to be an extra charge. Then the person who has talked should offer to pay and a hostess should accept the tariff.

No Long Conversations on Phone

Tradespeople in the country complain that it is almost impossible to get their customers on the telephone in time to get out orders as back in the day as they are wished. Because country residents have a comfortable way of sitting down before the instrument soon after breakfast and paying social visits with their neighbors.

Of course there ls always a question or answer at the beginning which made the call necessary, and with that, they begin a long conversation. The consequence is that those who need to get the phone for business pertaining to the household are entirely prevented, and the butcher, who has the best desire to get out meat in time for luncheon, does not have the opportunity to ask for his order much before the moment it should be delivered.

If one must hold lengthy conversations over the wire, by all means let them be in the afternoon or evening, when they will not interfere with business. To tell personal affairs over the telephone is unwise. Though the person talking may not see any one else, everything she says is audible to at least one other besides the one whom she is addressing, and sometimes more than "central" hears. Much gossip in the country comes out in this way and it is a fact to be regretted. — Rosanna Schuyler, 1909

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and the Tragic Decline

Are 'phones' at the bottom of the matter? One has an uneasy suspicion that the telephone has much to answer for in destroying the conversational ideal. 

Decline of Good Manners Is the Tragedy of Modern Life

"'The decay of good manners is the tragedy of modern life—and what is the reason? Whence comes this falling off of those exterior graces which are the salt of society, whether it he spelled with a big 'S' or a small? For after all, what is society without manners and why have we not preserved this precious heritage in our midst?

Why are good manners pratically extinct?’ To all such questions there must be an answer—and it is surely worth time seeking. 'ls it the motor craze that leaves us no time to be polite? 'The very wind is like a bell' to toll us back to early Victorian days, when our grandmothers learned etiquette out of prim manuals, and the making of a gentleman was voted 'the most important part of a liberal education,' remarks a despondent writer in the London Daily News. 

For our forebears believed that, as old William of Wyckham had it, 'Manners makyth man'; how much more do they make woman? We know that these ideas once prevailed, because we recognize a few such happy individuals possessed of manners even yet, though they strike us as prehistoric survivals, not without their pathos.

Are 'phones' at the bottom of the matter? One has an uneasy suspicion that the telephone has much to answer for in destroying the conversational ideal. No one can pretend that this is gained by improved methods of communication. 'A voice soft, gentle and low is,' the poet assures us, 'an excellent thing in woman.' but when that same voice cries 'Hello! Are you there?' it does not sound her ideal greeting.

To come down to 'terra firma' — for there must we ultimately alight — is it possible that women's clubs have anything to do with the disappearance of polite ideals? Has the subtle influence of the smoking room, with its 'laissez-faire' atmosphere and abrogation of once reverenced etiquette tended to minimize the little courtesies which were once the hallmark of high breeding, and are now respected like old coins, valued for their antiquarian interest — but not current?

For there is a distinct feeling abroad that it is a waste of time to stand on ceremony with one's neighbors and a democratic age scoffs what it deems the airs and graces of a courtlier era. It associates fine manners with insincerity and superficiality, yet the profounder student of human nature will tell you that manners are matter of the heart when all is said." — Los Angeles Herald, 1911

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia