The Great 20th C. Etiquette Era

If you are a regular Etiquipedia reader, you have probably noticed that throughout time, several distinct “ golden eras” have seen a popular resurgence in the desire for the development of better manners and learning etiquette. The 1920’s until the late-1930’s was one such golden “etiquette era” in the United States (and to a certain extent, the United Kingdom.) Following WWI and the Great Influenza, as with other similar periods through the ages, new advances in communication, travel, medicine and technology were quickly spreading around the world. Any period like this in history will generally bring back a surge in popularity for education in manners. Numerous etiquette books and pamphlets, for children, teens and adults, were published. W.C. Green’s “Dictionary of Etiquette,” Emily Holt’s “Encyclopedia of Etiquette” and Lillian Eichler’s “Etiquette” and “Etiquette Jr.” were extremely popular. Emily Post’s first major book on etiquette, the Blue Book of Social Usage, was the number one non-fiction bestseller of 1923. “What would Emily do?” became a common phrase during the era. 

The 1920’s: A Golden Era of Etiquette

You can hardly pick up a magazine nowadays without reading something about etiquette, which is one of the highly advertised things of the times. There are as many or more advertisements about how to make money, along with these manuals of manners. The two seem to work together in a way. In the old days when Kings and Queens were in fashion, the business of fine manners was confined to royal courts. Then it got into the drawing rooms or parlors, and now we are trying to run it into the scramble of modern life. That’s why the books on etiquette are on sale. Our ancestors had the manners. We have treatises on the subject. But goodness knows there’s need of something to keep us from being crude and boorish. 

We live at such a pace and are so full of the go-getting spirit that our manners are ripped off, the way lace would be, if we wore any these days. But at the same time, I can’t just savvy why a person who has any kind of feelings and as much good sense, needs a book to tell him or her how to behave. We are supposed to do that sort of thing naturally. The attempt to get good manners by buying a fancy book is just about as foolish as the idea of making money by reading about gold mines. About all the etiquette book can do is to call your attention to the fact that there is still room for manners in this world, which is jammed so full of people that they keep parking out on one another’s toes. The real manners which a person should have and display, the way flappers reveal knees, are things that you must cultivate for yourself. If you haven't the etiquette urge, the book isn’t going to put it into you. 

The best recipe for manners is The Golden Rule. Act as though you bad some idea that the other person is more or less like yourself. If you don’t like being pushed into the gutter, chances are the other fellow isn't itching to be bumped off the curb either. And the positive side of manners depends upon your baring self-condfidence and strength. To have good manners you must assert yourself—but in a clever way. You must have poise, which is only personality nicely balanced. If you are shame-faced, and overmodest, you will make other people feel wriggly, and that isn’t good manners, is it? My recipe would be —equal parts of strength and fineness, well mixed. Or you can cook it up by combining egoism with altruism, love of others and self-respect. Season with pepper. That's a popular commodity and in good taste. Use sugar—but not too much. Employ a certain amount of pep and sweetness, as also regard for others, and the book of etiquette need never be read. – Coronado Eagle and Journal, 1929

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Dining Etiquette~Soup to Nuts

Cake is broken into pieces, the size of a mouthful, and then eaten with fingers or fork.

Apples should be pared, cut into small pieces, and eaten with finders or forks.

Artichokes are eaten with the fingers, taking off leaf by leaf and dipping into the sauce. The solid portion is broken up and eaten with a fork.

Asparagus stalks may be taken between the finger and the thumb, if they are not too long, or the green end may be cut off and eaten with a fork, scraping off with the knife what is desired from the remaining part.
             

Banana skin should be cut off with a knife, peeling from the top down, while holding in the hand. Small pieces should be cut or broken off, and taken in the fingers, or they may be cut up and eaten with a fork.

Bread should be broken into small pieces, buttered, and transferred with the fingers to the mouth. The bread should be placed on the small plate provided for the purpose.

Cake is broken into pieces, the size of a mouthful, and then eaten with fingers or fork.

Celery is eaten with the fingers.

Cheese is first cut into small bits, then placed on pieces of bread or cracker, and lifted by the fingers to the mouth.

Corn on the cob is eaten with the fingers of one hand. A good plan is to cut off the kernels and eat them with the aid of a fork.

Crackers should be broken into small pieces and eaten with the fingers.

Eggs are usually broken into a glass and eaten with a spoon.

Finger-Bowl: The fingers should be dipped in the water and gently rubbed together, and dried on the napkins.

Fish should be eaten with a fork held in the right hand and a piece of bread held in the left hand. The bones should be removed from the mouth with the aid of a fork or with the fingers. If by the latter, great delicacy should be used.

Fruit (all raw fruit), except melons, berries, and grapefruit, are eaten with the fingers. Canned fruits are eaten with a spoon.

Grapes should be eaten one by one, and the pits allowed to fall noiselessly into the half−closed hand and then transferred to the plate.

Knfe and Fork: The knife is always held in the right hand, and is only used for cutting the food. The fork is used not only in eating fish, meat, vegetables, and made dishes, but also ices, frozen puddings, melons, salads, oysters, clams, lobsters, and terrapin. The knife should never be used to carry food to the mouth.

Lettuce leaves should not be cut, but folded up with a fork, and then lifted to the mouth. In the event of these being too large for this treatment, they should be broken into suitable pieces with the fork.

Olives are eaten with the fingers.
                                         

Oranges served in divided sections, sweetened, and the seeds removed, should be eaten with the fork. If served whole, cut into suitable portions. Remove seed and skin.

Peaches should be quartered and the quarters peeled, then taken up by the fingers and eaten.

Peas are eaten with a fork.

Plums should be eaten one by one, and the pits allowed to fall noiselessly into the half−closed hand and then transferred to the plate.

Salt is best taken up with the tip of the knife.

Salted Nuts are eaten with the fingers.

Seeds should be removed from the mouth with the aid of a fork, or dropped into the half−closed hand.

Soup should be taken from the side of the spoon without noise and without the plate being tipped. Men with mustaches are privileged in this respect, and may take the soup from the end of the spoon.

Spoons: The spoon should never be in the cup while drinking, but should be left in the saucer. It is used in eating grapefruit, fruit salads, small and large fruit (when served with cream), puddings, jellies, porridges, preserves, and boiled eggs.

Table Etiquette: It is correct to take a little of all that is offered, though one may not care for it. Bend slightly over the plate when carrying the food to the mouth, resuming upright position afterward.

When drinking from a cup or glass, raise it gracefully to the mouth and sip the contents. Do not empty the vessel at one draught.

Guests should not amuse themselves by handling knife or fork, crumbling bread, or leaning their arms on the table. They should sit back in their chairs and assume an easy position.

A guest at a dinner should not pass a plate or any article to another guest, or serve the viands, unless asked to do so by the hostess.

Upon leaving the table, push the chair back far enough to be out of the way of others.

Accidents, or anything that may be amiss at the table, should be unobserved by a guest unless he is the cause of it. In that event some pleasant remark as to his awkwardness should be made and no more. The waiter should attend to the matter at once. If a fork or a spoon is dropped it should not be picked up by the guest, but another used, or ask the waiter to provide one.

Conversation: Aim at bright and general conversation, avoiding all personalities and any subject that all cannot join in. This is largely determined by the character of the company. The guests should accommodate themselves to their surroundings.

Toothpicks: Toothpicks should not be used in public. If necessity requires it, raise the napkin over the mouth, with the hand behind it, using the toothpick as quickly as possible.

Wine: A guest not caring for wine should turn down his glass and leave it in that position, or a mere sign of dissent when it is offered is sufficient.

From The Book of Good Manners, W.C. Green

Etiquette Enthusiast Maura J. Graber is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

W. C. Green's Etiquette Dictionary

Walter Cox Green’s 1904, “A Dictionary of Etiquette” is just one of many books he authored on the subject of manners and polite society, during the Victorian and Edwardian eras.

Ruth Ashmore codified might be a term expressive enough and comprehensive enough to characterize “A Dictionary of Etiquette,” W. C. Green's red book on social good form. All “Talks to Girls” and “Ready Helps to the Helpless” of all the ladies' magazines of these fifteen years passed are herein incorporated in ready reference for the use of those who would know the intricacies of polite society. 

“CANE”: A cane is the correct thing for a man when walking, except when engaged in business. It should be held a few inches below the knob, ferrule down, and should, like umbrellas, be carried vertically.

“REPORTERS”: If such is the wish of the family of the bride the best man attends to the reporters (at weddings) and furnishes them with the name of the groom, bride, relatives, friends, descriptions of gowns and other suitable things to know. 

These are good things to know. No household is complete without “A Dictionary on Etiquette.” (Brentano's, New York; price 1.25)

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber,I is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for Formal Afternoon Teas

      An ornate tea server 

These are very successful as a rule, due perhaps to their small expense and few exactions, and are given with many purposes: to introduce young women into society, to allow a hostess to entertain a number of her friends, to honor some woman of note, etc.

A formal afternoon tea is one for which cards have been issued, naming set date. Awnings and carpet should be provided from curb to house. A man should be stationed at the curb to open carriage doors and call them when the guests leave, and another man should be in attendance at the front door to open it the moment a guest appears at the top step and to direct him to the dressing room.

A policeman should be detailed for the occasion to keep back the onlookers, and should receive a small fee for his services. At the door of the drawing-room a man should ask the name of each guest, which he announces as the latter enters. The hostess and those receiving with her should be just within the door to receive the guests.



CARDS
Each guest should leave a card in the tray in the hall. A woman may leave the cards of the men of her family who have been unable to attend. Cards should be sent by mail or messenger by those invited but unable to be present, and should be timed so that they reach the house during the function.

A husband and wife each send a card when the invitation is issued in the name of the hostess only, and two cards each when issued in the name of hostess and her daughter. If issued in the name of both husband and wife, a husband should send two and his wife should send one card.

DAUGHTERS
The daughters who have passed the debutante age usually stand for an hour beside their mother to receive the guests, and afterward mingle with the guests to help to make the function a success.

A comedic look at the “London Season” in 1870 ~ The “London Season” is synonymous with tradition, and both British and international codes of conduct in social, corporate entertainment and business environments. It actually began over two hundred years ago, and started out as a series of events, enjoyed only by members of the aristocracy. 

DEBUTANTE

When a tea is given in honor of a debutante, she stands beside the hostess (usually her mother), and each guest is introduced to her. Flowers should be liberally provided, and friends may contribute on such an occasion. The host and the men all wear the regulation afternoon dress. Women wear costumes appropriate to the afternoon, more elegant in proportion to the elaborateness of the function.

Guests may suit their convenience in arriving, provided they do not come at the opening hour nor at the very end.

After leaving their wraps in the dressing-rooms, guests enter the drawing-room, leaving their cards in the tray in the hall, and then giving their names to the man at the door, who announces them. On entering the room, the women precede the men. After greeting the hostess and being introduced to those receiving with her, the guests move into the middle of the room. Guests go the dining-room when they wish without greeting the hostess.

It is not expected that guests at a large reception will stay all the afternoon. Twenty minutes is long enough. It is not necessary to bid the hostess good-bye when leaving.

If guests take leave of host and hostess, they should shake hands. In the dining-room the men, assisted by the waiters, help the women.

When the reception is a small formal one, the guests may stay a longer time, and usually it is better to take leave of the hostess, unless she is much occupied at the time.

HOST
Except when a newly married couple give a house-warming or a reception, the host does not stand beside his wife, but spends the time in making introductions, and doing his best to make the function a success.

When some married woman or woman guest of honor assists his wife to receive, he should at the proper moment escort her to the dining-room.

HOSTESS
The hostess and those receiving with her should be just within the door, ready to receive each guest as announced. The hostess shakes hands with each guest, and introduces them to those receiving with her. Friends assisting a hostess to entertain are generally permitted to invite a few of their own friends, and their cards are sent with those of the hostess. A pretty feature is the presence of a number of young women here and there in the rooms to assist in receiving the guests. Music is always appropriate.

HOURS
The hours are from 4 to 7 P.M.

INTRODUCTIONS
The hostess should introduce her guests to those receiving with her.

INVITATIONS
Engraved invitations are sent a week or ten days in advance, by mail or messenger. They are usually issued in the name of the hostess only, though they may be issued in the name of both husband and wife. In place of the visiting-card, an "At Home" card may be used, or cards specially engraved for the purpose. When cards are sent to a married couple, the cards are addressed to both husband and wife.

Invitations are sent in two envelopes-the inner one unsealed and bearing the name of the guest, and the outer one sealed, with, the street address.

INVITATIONS, ANSWERING
It is not necessary to accept or decline these invitations, as the guest accepts by his presence. If unable to do so, he should send by mail or messenger a visiting-card, to reach the hostess during the ceremony. When the invitation has been issued in the name of the hostess only, a husband and wife each send a card, and if in the name of hostess and her daughter, each should send two cards. If the invitation has been issued in the name of the husband and wife, the wife should send one and a husband two cards.

If the woman in the family is the only one present at the function, she can leave cards for the rest of the family.

MEN
Both the host and men wear the regulation afternoon dress, consisting of the long frock coat with single or double-breasted waistcoat to match, or of some fancy cloth, and gray trousers. White linen, a light tie, a silk hat, gray gloves, and patent leather shoes complete the costume. The overcoat, hat, and cane are left in the dressing-room, and the guest removes one or both gloves as he pleases --remembering that he must offer his ungloved, right hand to the hostess.

SHAKING HANDS

Guests on being presented to the hostess should shake hands. If guest takes leave of hostess, they should shake hands. If the hostess is surrounded by guests, a pleasant nod of farewell is admissible.

WOMEN
Women leave cards of their male relatives as well as their own, even though their names may be announced upon entering. Guests leave their cards in a receptacle provided for the purpose, or give them to the servant at the door. Women wear a costume appropriate for the afternoon, and keep their hats and gloves on.

From “The Book of Good Manners,” by W.C. Green

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia