Dinner Party Etiquette Humor of 1882

 

Oranges are held on a fork while being peeled, and the facetious style of squirting the juice into the eyes of your host is au revoir. 

It is with a view of elevating the popular taste, and etherealizing, so to speak, the manners and customs of our readers, that we give below a few hints upon table etiquette: 

• Oranges are held on a fork while being peeled, and the facetious style of squirting the juice into the eyes of your host is au revoir. 
• Macaroni should be cut into short pieces and eaten with an even, graceful motion, not absorbed by the yard. 
• If, by mistake, you drink out of your finger bowl, laugh heartily and make some facetious remark, which will change the course of conversation and renew the friendly feeling among the members of the party. 
• In drinking wine, when you get to the bottom of your glass, do not throw your head back and draw in your breath like the exhaust of a bath tub in order to get the last drop, as it engenders a feeling of the most depressing melancholy among the guests. 
• If you cannot accept an invitation to supper, do not write your regrets on the back of a pool check with a blue lead pencil. This is not regarded as ricochet. A simple note to your host informing him that your washerwoman refuses to relent is sufficient. 
• On seating yourself at the table, draw off your gloves, put them in your lap under your napkin. Do not put them in the gravy, as it would spoil the gloves and cast a gloom over the gravy. 
• If you have just cleaned your gloves with benzine, you must leave them out in the front yard.—Cincinnati Fair Journal, 1882

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

More Gilded Age Etiquette Humor

During the Gilded Age, much humor was made in newspapers and magazines regarding the niceties of fine dining and wealth. Especially, those in the royal palaces and grand manor houses of the aristocracy and monarchies in Great Britain and Europe, all while a sham aristocracy was growing among the titans of industry in America.
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“The custom of drinking out of the finger bowl, though not entirely obsolete, has been limited to the extent that good breeding does not permit the guest to quaff the water from his finger bowl unless he does so prior to using it as a finger bowl. Thus, it will be seen that social customs are slowly but surely cutting down and circumscribing the rights and privileges of the masses.”

Valuable Suggestions as to the Use of the Napkin and Finger Bowl

It has been stated, and very truly, too, that the law of the napkin is but vaguely understood. It may be said, however, on the start, that customs and good breeding have uttered the decree that it is in poor taste to put the napkin in the pocket and carry it away. The rule of etiquette is becoming more and more thoroughly established, that the napkin should be left at the house of the host or hostess after dinner. There has been a good deal of discussion, also, upon the matter of folding the napkin after dinner, and whether it should be so disposed of, or negligently tossed into the gravy boat. 

If, however, it can be folded easily, and without attracting too much attention and prolonging the session for several hours, it should be so arranged, and placed beside the plate, where it may be easily found by the hostess, and returned to her neighbor from whom she borrowed it for the occasion. If, however, the lady of the house is not doing her own work, the napkin may he carefully jammed into a globular wad and fired under the table, to convey the idea of utter recklessness and pampered abandon. The use of the finger bowl is also a subject of much importance to the bon ton guest who gorges himself at the expense of his friends.

The custom of drinking out of the finger bowl, though not entirely obsolete, has been limited to the extent that good breeding does not permit the guest to quaff the water from his finger bowl unless he does so prior to using it as a finger bowl. Thus, it will be seen that social customs are slowly but surely cutting down and circumscribing the rights and privileges of the masses. At the Court of Eugenie, the customs of the table were very rigid, and the most prominent guest of H. R. H. was liable to get the G.B. if he spread his napkin on his lap and cut his egg in two with a carving knife. The custom was that the napkin should he hung on one knee and the egg busted at the big end and scooped out with a spoon. 

A prominent American at her table one day, in an unguarded moment, shattered the shell of a soft boiled egg with his knife, and while prying it apart, both thumbs were erroneously jammed into the true inwardness of the fruit with so much momentum, that the juice took him in the eye, thus blinding him and maddening him to such a degree that he got up and threw the remnants into the bosom of the hired man plenipotentiary, who stood near the table, scratching his ear with a tray. As may readily be supposed, there was a painful interim, during which it was hard to tell for five or six minutes whether the prominent American or the hired man would come out on top, but at last the American with the egg in his eye got the ear of the high priced hired man in among his back teeth, and the honor of our beloved flag was vindicated. —Bill Nye’s Boomerang, 1882

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Etiquette Satire

In faultless attire you will happily find 

Society’s eyes to your real faults blind. 

For etiquette, e'en from antiquity, teaches 

That wits cannot shine in their last seasons breeches

THE SOCIETY MAN 

How can you become a ‘society man.’ 

If poor, you cannot, but if wealthy you can, 

That is, if you care to; for gold is, they say,

The talisman bright which insures an entree 

Into high upper-ten-dom, and if to its charm 

You’ll just add a pedigree long as your arm, 

And strictly abide by the following plan, 

You're bound to become a society man. 

At th’ very first round of the ladder commence, 

Consult the best tailors and, (blank the expense) 

In faultless attire you will happily find 

Society’s eyes to your real faults blind. 

For etiquette, e'en from antiquity, teaches 

That wits cannot shine in their last seasons breeches, 

And th' greatest of humorist’s puns are quite that 

When uttered above an unstylish cravat. 

Let study of self be your solo occupation.

Your faults to correct in attire, conversation, 

Appearance et cetera; dignified ease 

Should temper your movements; your object, to please. 

Not only yourself but the nicest observer. 

From truth you should also become a good swerver, 

Quite ready to flatter with lies when you can 

If you would become a society man. 

If modest, that misery quickly subdue; 

Faint heart never won a fair lady, and you, 

If in the least timid, cannot with propriety, 

Expect the embraces of high-toned society. 

Make love to the maidens, and matrons as well, 

For this is an art in which you should excel; 

But marriage taboo as no part of the plan 

Of a genuine up-up society man. 

Thus, properly scented, and properly curled, 

Assume all the airs of a man of the world. 

And if you are one, bravely deem yourself then 

The equal of other society,

Wherever society’s worshipers throng, 

Let mighty self-confidence help you along; 

However ’twas gained, they may guess it who can, 

Without it you're not a society man. 

                                                –M. A. Stewart, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Snobbery and Satire

"Say 'good morning' or 'good evening' to the hostess, on leaving the room. 'So long, old girl' has gone out in the best society." — Burdette ~ When Emily Post wrote about the behavior of "Best Society" in her 1922 book of etiquette, she enlightened some readers and at the same time, opened the door to satire from others. Etiquette humor is much older than many think. It has been popular for ages, and will continue to be so, as long as some readers and writers of etiquette, continue to confuse etiquette with snobbery.

Recent Points in Etiquette

• Say "good morning" or "good evening" to the hostess, on leaving the room. "So long, old girl" has gone out in the best society. 
• If there are seventy-five or 100 persons in the company, it is not necessary for you to shake hands all round. 
• Do not be in haste to get down to dinner without waiting for a tardy guest. Give him at least thirty minutes. You may have to get down on your hands and knees and crawl around and feel for a lost collar button yourself sometime. 
• Upon introduction to a young lady, immediately ask her age and the size of her shoes. This will put you on an easy conversational plane. 
• In society, a note requires as prompt an answer as a spoken question. And in the bank it requires a great deal prompter one. 
• Do not thank any one who waits on you at table. Look wan and hungry as though you wanted more. 
• To tilt back in your chair and drum idly on your head with your fork is condemned in good society.— "Burdette" in the Marin Journal, 1881

Etiquette Enthusiast Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Etiquette Humor

Frontier humorist, Bill Nye, more formally known as Edgar Wilson Nye, was the first editor of the "Laramie Boomerang." He named the Wyoming paper for his mule, because of what he described as the “eccentricity of his orbit.”

Bill Nye’s Delicate Hints Upon Table Manners in Fashionable Society

There are a great many people who behave well otherwise, but at table they do things that if not absolutely outré and ensemble, are at least pianissimo and sine die. It is with a view to elevate the popular taste and etherealize, so to speak, the manners and customs of our readers, that we give below a few hints upon table etiquette. 

If, by writing an article of this kind, we can induce one man who wipes his hands on the table-cloth to come up and take higher ground and wipe on his pants, we shall feel amply repaid. If you cannot accept an invitation to dinner, do not write your regrets on the back of a pool check with a blue pencil. This is not regarded as ricochet. A simple note to your host, informing him that your washwoman refuses to relent, is sufficient. 

On seating yourself at the table, draw off your gloves and put them in your lap, under your napkin. Do not put them into the gravy, as it would ruin the gloves and cast a gloom over the gravy. If yon have just cleaned your gloves with benzine, you will leave them out in the front yard. If you happen to drop gravy on your knife-blade, back near the handle, do not run the blade down your throat to remove the gravy as it might injure your epiglottis, and it is not embonpoint, any way. 

Oranges are held on a fork while being pulled, and the facetious style of squirting the juice into the eyes of the hostess is now au revoir. Stones in cherries or other fruit should not be placed upon the table-cloth, but slid quietly and unostentatiously into the pocket of your neighbor or noiselessly tossed under the table. If you strke a worm in your fruit do not call attention to it by mashing it with the nut cracker. This is not only uncouth, but it is regarded in the best society as blasé and exceedingly vice vena. 

After eating a considerable amount, do not rise and unbutton your vest strap in order to get more room, as it is not exactly aufait and deshabille– The Boomerang, 1881

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

An Etiquette Tip and Tipping

"My fines," he said, "constitute my tips." Mournfully the waiter watched him depart. "How I wish." he sighed, "that I had known him in his sloppy days." 

An Unprofitable Etiquette Reformation

In a restaurant that strives to inculcate good manners, a man who admitted that he was rather slow on etiquette, but was trying to learn, besought the waiter to assist in the reformation. "My chief trouble," said he, "is splashing. I used to splash like anything. But by degrees I am curing myself. Know how? 

Well, sir, I have made it a rule to cover all the spots I make on the table cloth with silver money, nickels, dimes, quarters, halves, whatever it takes to cover them, and then give the money away. As I am not a rich man, that nearly broke me and I began to reform." The waiter nodded encouragingly and said he was glad to hear it. 

The man ate a substantial meal. When he had finished, the cloth was disfigured with only one small coffee stain which a dime easily covered. He handed the dime to the waiter.

"My fines," he said, "constitute my tips." Mournfully the waiter watched him depart. "How I wish.' he sighed, "that I had known him in his sloppy days." — San Francisco Call, 1912

Tipping Etiquette and Stereotypes

From TIME Magazine, 2014

Some stereotypes about tipping appear to be true. Certain ethnic groups are perceived to be less generous tippers than others. Apparently, these theories are not simply urban myths. 

One recent study found that Hispanics tipped less at restaurants than whites after controlling for factors such as bill size and the customer’s personal feelings about the quality of the service and food, while the conclusion in another survey declared “restaurant servers and their managers can expect below average tips from black customers regardless of their social class.” 

Only 11% of Italians in a recent survey, meanwhile, said that they “always” tipped for service on vacation, compared with 60% of Americans.

Millennials are bad tippers too. Millennials are known to love tasting new foods and tend to dine out in “upscale, casual-dining” establishment more than older generations, yet roughly one-third of  Gen Y tips less than 15% at restaurants. 

Only 16% of people in demographics older than the millennials admit to tipping less than 15%.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia