Etiquette and a Game Bird Course

As regards small pigeons, golden plovers, snipe, quails, larks, etc., a whole bird is given to each guest, and the proper way to eat these birds is to cut the meat from the breast and wings and to eat each morsel at the moment of cutting it; the bird should not be turned over and over on the plate, or cut in half or otherwise dissected. The legs of Bordeaux pigeons are not, as a rule, eaten, and half a bird only is given, as there is sufficient on the wing and 

breast to satisfy an ordinary second-course appetite. When the legs of smaller birds are eaten, such as snipe or golden plover, the meat should be cut off as from the breast or wing.

With reference to entrées, some are eaten with a knife and fork, others with a fork only. All entrées that offer any resistance to a fork require the aid of both knife and fork, such as cutlets, filet de bœuf, sweetbreads, etc., but when rissoles, patties, quenelles, boneless curry, vol-au-vents, timbales, etc., are eaten, the fork only should be used.

In the case of the lighter entrées, the contact of the knife is supposed to militate against their delicate flavour; thus, for these bonnes bouches the fork is all-sufficient wherewith to divide and eat them.

The leg of a chicken, pheasant, duck, or wild duck should never be given to a guest save on those occasions when there are more guests present than there is meat from breasts and wings to offer them. Under these circumstances the carver is reduced to the necessity of falling back upon the legs of the birds, but in this case only the upper part of the thigh should be given, thus a guest has little difficulty in cutting the meat from the bone. A wing of a bird is usually given to a lady. Formerly it was thought a correct thing to sever the wing at the joint and then to cut the meat from the bone; but this requires a certain amount of strength in the wrist, and dexterity, should the bird not be in its première jeunesse.

As regards small pigeons, golden plovers, snipe, quails, larks, etc., a whole bird is given to each guest, and the proper way to eat these birds is to cut the meat from the breast and wings and to eat each morsel at the moment of cutting it; the bird should not be turned over and over on the plate, or cut in half or otherwise dissected. The legs of Bordeaux pigeons are not, as a rule, eaten, and half a bird only is given, as there is sufficient on the wing and breast to satisfy an ordinary second-course appetite. When the legs of smaller birds are eaten, such as snipe or golden plover, the meat should be cut off as from the breast or wing.

Young girls, as a rule, seldom eat a second course delicacy of this description; a little chicken or pheasant on the contrary is usually accepted by them.— Manners and Rules of Good Society, or Solecisms to be Avoided, by a Member of the Aristocracy, 1918

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Properly Holding a Knife and Fork

It’s not just forks which are regularly held improperly — Above - The improper way to hold a knife: The handles of both the fork and the knife should be hidden in the palm of the hands. The fork handle is in the correct spot in the palm of the hand, but the knife handle is incorrectly sticking out between the index finger and the thumb.

Q. - How should one hold the fork to cut meat so as to avoid that "banjo grip?" I've read a number of etiquette books but don't play a banjo, so don't quite get the point. - Yvette

Properly holding one’s utensils can help one appear much more elegant when dining, especially in public. When we are out with others, we want to “dine,” not merely “eat.”Above — The proper way to hold both one’s knife and one’s fork in one’s hands when dining.

A. The fork should be held near the top of the handle with the prongs downward. The index finger is placed on the shank so that it points to the tines (or prongs) and is supported at the side of the thumb. The other fingers close underneath and hold the handle tight. 

As for the "banjo grip," some folks call it "immigrant fashion." It is clutching the fork perpendicularly in the clenched fist, while sawing across the food at its base with the knife. — From “The Log of Life” column in the San PedroNews Pilot, 1943

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A Table Etiquette Refresher from 1913

“When in doubt, use your fork” is a pretty fair table rule. The knife, of course, is absolutely tabooed except for cutting and spreading. The spoon is used only for liquids and soft desserts. Vegetables served as side dishes are usually eaten with a fork. –Forks at the table were not commonly used in the United States until the early 1800’s. This partial Sears and Roebuck catalog page above was from a 1912 catalog. Inexpensive silver plated knives, forks and spoons were made available to the masses. Just as today, basic table manners were featured in the news, so that every social class could sharpen their utensil skills.

GOOD TABLE MANNERS

It is sometimes difficult to make young people, particularly boys, appreciate the value of correct table manners. “Aw, what's the difference?” they ask when told not to eat with their knives.

The difference is that as a whole table etiquette is based upon the fundamental principles of convenience, neatness and self-restraint. Disregard of it causes the offender to appear slovenly, greedy and inconsiderate of the sensibilities of others, says the Woman's World.

Sit erect at the table. Don’t sprawl with your elbows on the table. Don't attempt to bring your mouth down to your food; raise the food to your mouth.

Don't shake your napkin out with a flourish; unfold it and spread it across your knees. Raise one corner of it to your lips as occasion arises.

In your own home, or in a house where you expect to be a guest for several meals, fold your napkin when you are through with it. If a guest for one meal only, crumple the napkin slightly and lay it unfolded beside your plate. The assumption is, of course, that it will not be used again until it is washed.

Do not break crackers into your soup. Look at the next person you see doing it and observe what an unsavory looking dish it produces. Never dip crackers or bread into any sort of liquid.

In dipping up soup move the spoon toward the outer edge of the dish. Take the soup from the side of the spoon.

“When in doubt, use your fork” is a pretty fair table rule. The knife, of course, is absolutely tabooed except for cutting and spreading. The spoon is used only for liquids and soft desserts. Vegetables served as side dishes are usually eaten with a fork.

In cutting meat, take the knife in the right hand and the fork in the left, cut off a proper mouthful, lay the knife down on the right side of the plate, transfer the fork to the right hand, holding the tines pointed downward, and raise the meat to the mouth.

It sounds slow, to be sure, but rapid eating is neither healthful nor pleasant to watch. – Organized Labor, 1913

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Fork History and Steel Blades on Knives

“…there are many varieties of food which deteriorate from even the slightest contact with steel, a metal still much in use for knives…” – In 1889, unless one had all silver flatware or gilded flatware, the blades of most knives were still made of steel. The steel would clash with the flavors of sauces or dressings which had citric acid in them –like orange or lemon juice– and those containing vinegar. Thus leaving fish and many salads inedible to most guests.

Although the four-pronged silver fork was in use upon the continent of Europe in the first decade of the present century, it is noticeable that the use of the knife in carrying food to the mouth is by no means obsolete among some of the most advanced of the European nations. One can easily draw a mental picture in which the dogmatists of etiquette a half century ago are seated about a tempting board, all eating with their knives, but using them daintily; and the retrospect need not go back of the times of those whose manners at table, as well as elsewhere, are defined as models of elegance.

Since then the steel fork has been banished, the knife subjugated and the spoon subdued. The reason for all this is commonly supposed to be the danger of cutting the lips with the knife, but such danger is very slight, unless one be persistently stupid in handling it. It is much more sensible to assume that mankind was not slow to perceive the more agreeable sensation of putting to the lips the delicate tines of a fork, which were close enough to convey all except liquid edibles with comfort and convenience. 

Then, too, there are many varieties of food which deteriorate from even the slightest contact with steel, a metal still much in use for knives. There is, however, an inclination to force the use of the fork to the point of affectation, and excess in this direction is quite as deplorable as the indiscriminate use of the knife. The proper use of any table implement at a table where one is a guest is no different from what it would be at the most informal meal, except as it may be influenced by the special preparation of an edible. – By Eliza M. Lavin, 1889

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Bad Table Manners Hold You Back

Don’t, Dora, unless you want always to be known as a “One-Date Girl” - pile food on your fork, pat it down with your knife. Use a knife for cutting only; take food with your fork, a little at a time. 

Found Under “Home Service”

 

"Why am I always stuck with such ill-bred people?" wonder Prue, Dora and Jack. Better think less about others’ errors, you three; find out your own! Don't plunge after your falling spoon retriever-fashion, Jack, unless it's in some one's way. Wait for a fresh one. 

Don’t, Dora, unless you want always to be known as a “One-Date Girl” - pile food on your fork, pat it down with your knife. Use a knife for cutting only; take food with your fork, a little at a time. 

If you want to belong, Prue, don’t smack your salt cellar over your hostess’ well-seasoned food. Season so inconspicuously that no one thinks you’re criticizing your fare.

***Avoid telltale blunders, learn the fine points of table manners from our 32-page booklet. Etiquette of informal and formal dinners, restaurants, clubs, dining-cars. Be at ease in any circle. Send 10c for your copy of Good Table Manners to Santa Ana Journal, Home Service. Be sure to write plainly your name, address, and the name of booklet. – Santa Ana Journal, 1937

***Etiquipedia has included the initial added blurb from 1937, offering a booklet for 10 cents, simply for historical accuracy. This offer (and newspaper) is no longer available.

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Table Setting — Silver Flatware

Pictured above, “Continental” sized flatware can make plates and dishes look rather dwarfed, compared to smaller, American sized flatware. American flatware over the past 80 years or so, has been about an inch shorter and a bit smaller than its British and European counterparts. This except from the 1951, “The American Woman’s Cookbook” (formerly “The Delineator Magazine Cookbook”) clearly promotes using smaller flatware when entertaining.  —  “The luncheon knife and fork offer the greatest variety of uses. They may be used “around the clock,”for breakfast, for luncheon, for supper, and for certain courses at dinner, such as hors d'oeuvres, entrée, fish, salad, for dishes served in a ramekin, for dishes served at informal entertaining, and for large and small sandwiches. Smaller than the luncheon knife and fork are the tea knife and fork, with their increasingly-recognized number of uses.”

The silver on your table is a declaration of your taste. Whether it is sterling or plate, there is, in an excellent pattern and in the perfect form and proportion of the utensils, an unmistakable aristocracy that gives distinction.

Modern methods of manufacturing silver plate have made it not only durable but beautiful as well. Plated silver ranges from the very durable triple-plated ware, (heavy weight) which lasts a lifetime, through the double plate (medium weight) which has good wearing qualities, to the single plate which is light weight.

When you choose a pattern of silver, examine all the pieces, to be sure that you approve of the shapes of all the pieces, that the pieces are perfectly balanced, that the handles are comfortable to hold, and that the tips of the handles of the knives and forks fit perfectly into the center of the palm of the hand. Find out how long the pattern has been on the market, and, if possible, how long it is to be made, so that you will not suddenly discover that the pattern has been “discontinued.”

Place silver, or flat silver as it is sometimes called, consists of the knives, forks, and spoons necessary for general use at table.

Knives and Forks

The dinner knife and fork, although imposing members of the silver-family, are not the most important members, for their use is limited to the main course of dinner. The luncheon knife and fork offer the greatest variety of uses. They may be used “around the clock,”for breakfast, for luncheon, for supper, and for certain courses at dinner, such as hors d'oeuvres, entrée, fish, salad, for dishes served in a ramekin, for dishes served at informal entertaining, and for large and small sandwiches. Smaller than the luncheon knife and fork are the tea knife and fork, with their increasingly-recognized number of uses.

Butter spreaders are necessary in your first list. Later if you are not content to use the medium size knives and forks or the tea knives and forks for special courses like fish, entrée, salad, and fruit, you may buy fish knives and forks. entree knives and forks, and salad knives and forks (or, if you prefer, individual salad forks,) and fruit knives, or preferably, fruit knives and forks.

Spoons

Accompanying the medium size knife and fork, and of a size between a teaspoon and a tablespoon, is the dessert spoon, the spoon of a variety of uses, from eating soup and cereals, to eating desserts such as pudding and compote of fruit. 

Teaspoons have a great variety of uses, and while these are the first kind of small spoon to be bought you will want to add when you can, orange spoons, bouillon spoons, ice-cream spoons, coffee spoons, five o'clock teaspoons, and iced tea spoons. —From “The American Woman’s Cookbook,” 1951

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Gilded Age Etiquette for the Table

 

“Do not overload the fork. To pack meat and vegetables on the fork as though it were a beast of burden has been pointed out as a common American vulgarity, born of our hurried ways of eating at hotels and restaurants.”
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Unlike contemporary table knives, those of the 18th and 19th Centuries had dull and wide, flat blades. Usually they were steel. Many who were unfamiliar with utensils and their expected dining usage, found the knives ideal for not just cutting with, but for eating from. By the mid-1800’s, etiquette books encouraged diners to stop the practice of eating their food from their knives. As etiquette books are often ignored, small numbers of several generations continued the practice.— Image from “What Have We Here?: The Etiquette and Essentials of Lives Once Lived, from the Georgian Era through the Gilded Age and Beyond...”

Hints for the Table

All soft cheeses should be eaten with the fork.

In using the spoon, be careful not to put it too far into the mouth.

Salt cellars are now placed at each plate and it is not improper to take salt with the knife.

To make a hissing sound when eating soup shows very bad breeding.

Do not overload the fork. To pack meat and vegetables on the fork as though it were a beast of burden has been pointed out as a common American vulgarity, born of our hurried ways of eating at hotels and restaurants.

Pears and apples should be pared, cut into quarters and then picked up with the fingers. Oranges should be peeled and cut or separated, as one chooses.

Grapes should be eaten from behind the half-closed hand, the stones and skin falling into the fingers unobserved and thence to the plate. – San Diego Daily Bee, 1887

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Merry Table Etiquette of 1894

 

Iced oysters or clams are to be eaten with lemon juice dropped over —never with salt and pepper. Never play with knife or fork or other table utensils; do not touch them at all, except when about to use them. Do not forget that cheerfulness “suggests good health, a clear conscience and a soul at peace with all human nature.”

Eat, Drink and Be Merry... 

And While Doing So at Table, Observe These Rules

• Children should be taught to drink as little as possible while eating. 
• “Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.” 
• No gentleman will ever place his arms upon the table either before, during, or after a meal. 
• Meats are to be cut with a single gliding movement of the knife, not by converting it into a saw. 
• Keep the elbows always close to the side, no matter how ample may be the room between the guests. 
• Never hurry the dinner. Let everything come along promptly on time, and move steadily thereafter. 
• Iced oysters or clams are to be eaten with lemon juice dropped over —never with salt and pepper. 
• Be punctual. To keep a dinner party waiting under any circumstances is the greatest social indecorum. 
• Take soup only from the side of the spoon—unless wearing a mustache. Never sip it with an audible sound. 
• Never play with knife or fork or other table utensils; do not touch them at all, except when about to use them. 
• He lives longest and most safely who at dinner, and elsewhere, turns down his glasses and “tastes not the cup.” 
• If an accident of any kind should occur during the dinner do not seem to notice it—unless help may be quietly given. 
• Do not forget that cheerfulness “suggests good health, a clear conscience and a soul at peace with all human nature.” — The Morning Union, December 27, 1894

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The Knife and Fork Problem

“I should say when those fork-and-knife stands, which, as a rule, ought to be used, are on the table, it is certainly improper for the individual to leave his knife and fork upon the plate when passed. If these stands are not used, then etiquette demands that the knife and fork be placed on one side of the plate, so as not to soil the table linen.” — Superb British made, Victorian Silver Plated Dining Table Knife Rest or Cutlery Stand, by W. Howe & Co, circa 1860 

— Photo source, Etiquipedia private library

Questions of Etiquette

“W.P.S.,” who asked through last Sunday Times whether it was proper for a diner to leave his knife and fork on his plate while passing the plate to the head of the table to be replenished, is answered as follows:


“H.V.R.L.” replies: “I should say when those fork-and-knife stands, which, as a rule, ought to be used, are on the table, it is certainly improper for the individual to leave his knife and fork upon the plate when passed. If these stands are not used, then etiquette demands that the knife and fork be placed on one side of the plate, so as not to soil the table linen.”


“Kathleen Bawn” thinks that “the knife and fork should never, under any circumstances, be left on the plate. Many commit this error, but, because it is customary among a certain class, it is not by any means correct. Customs make laws to a certain extent, but not in this instance.”


“H.L.I.” says: “It is not consistent with table etiquette to leave his knife and fork upon his plate when the latter is passed to be replenished. It is annoying to the host. The knife and fork occupy where food is to be served, and they should be held in his hand while the waiter takes and returns his plate.” — The New York Times, July 1880

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Etiquette: Which Hand for Forks?

Where the course requires the use of the knife (the roast), the fork is held in the left hand while cutting, then the knife is laid on the plate...

Q. A friend and I, in discussing table etiquette, disputed about the correct use of the fork, when the knife is in use also. She considers the fork should always be taken by the right hand and I claim that, where the course requires the use of the knife, the fork should remain in the left hand. Of course, for salad, dessert, etc..., the fork is for the right hand. Kindly enlighten us.  

A. Where the course requires the use of the knife (the roast), the fork is held in the left hand while cutting, then the knife is laid on the plate, a little to the right, and the meat is eaten from the fork held in the right hand. — Florence Austin Chase, 1929

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A 1916 Lesson in Table Manners

Left to Right : Correct way to hold the soup spoon, How to hold the knife and fork for cutting food, Position of fork when carrying food to the mouth, Holding the cup — the spoon in the proper place

A Requested Lesson in Table Manners

Every newspaper editor often finds this kind of a query in the mail; 

Dear Editor—My early training in etiquette was much neglected. Now I have made a fortune, travel considerably and am often embarrassed by my ignorance about table manners. Will you aid me? — Signed “WORRIED”

 Table manners are, of course, for the home table all of the year around, but it is at the holiday season when dinner engagements are most numerous, that a great many persons require a little extra preparedness.

The experienced hostess will see that forks and spoons are placed in the order in which they are to be used. If the dinner is of many courses, the appropriate silver is laid with each course. Soup should be dipped away, never toward the individual. If clear soup is served in cups, a small round bowled spoon is used, or the boullllon may be sipped from the cup. 

The knife should never be held in the left hand, but the fork may be transferred to the right hand. The English way of keeping the fork in the left hand is the present fashion among very fastidious society folk. At the end of the course the knife and fork should be placed side by side with the tips in the middle of the plate and the handles resting on its edge. — By Biddy Bye, 1916

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Table Knife Etiquette

We have all seen humorous pictures of the uncouth man who sits waiting for his plate with his knife in his right hand and his fork in his left, points upwards. See that you don't let yourself look so ridiculous. 

The Right Thing at the Right Time with the Knife

“Since trifles make the sum of human things.” —Hannah More

DON’T hold your knife at table as if you contemplated cutting your way through a barbed wire entanglement with it. Take it no further down toward the blade than is necessary to hold it securely. In fact, it is a mistake to let your fingers rest anywhere but on the handle, save that the index finger may be placed on the edge of the dull side. When you have finished with a course in which a knife is used, place the knife across the side of the plate with the sharp side of the blade toward the center. 

If you are dining with your family and send your plate to the carver for a second helping, the knife and fork should be placed in this way, not removed and laid on the butter plate, much less held in mid-air. Never hold the knife in the hand, save when using it. Some persons, you know, forget that they have it in their hand and raise it in an awkward fashion with the point of the blade ceiling-ward. We have all seen humorous pictures of the uncouth man who sits waiting for his plate with his knife in his right hand and his fork in his left, points upwards. See that you don't let yourself look so ridiculous. 

Never use a knife in eating salad. Do not use a steel knife in eating fish. Some persons would say, never use any knives at all with fish, but it is quite all right to use a silver knife and small silver knives are especially designed for the fish course. In the ordinary household where fish is served as a substitute for the meat course, it is served with the usual knife and fork, but this knife should not be of steel. Do not use a knife when eating desserts, although in some provincial hotels, the waiter will give you a knife and fork with pie. A small knife may be served and used with cheese. When this is done, cut off a bit of cheese and place it by means of the knife on the wafer with which it is served and then convey the wafer to your month by means of the left hand. 

Never, never use your knife as an implement with which to assist food on your fork or to scout about your plate the last morsels. In fact, the knife should not be used at all for potatoes or other vegetables, these being broken entirely by means of the fork. If no butter knives are used, it is quite all right to use the dinner knife for buttering bread. Remember, however, never to spread more than a small morsel at a time, and never wipe off gravy or other food on a slice of bread by way of polishing your knife before using it on the butter. — By Mary Marshall Duffee, 1922

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Etiquette and Eating from Knives

A 19th century fork and knife set, featuring steel tines on the fork and a wide, dull and flat steel knife blade. Many who were unfamiliar with utensils and their expected dining usage, found this type of knife blade ideal for not just cutting with, but eating from.

Unlike contemporary table knives, those of the 18th and 19th century had dull and wide, flat blades. Usually they were steel. Many who were unfamiliar with utensils and their expected dining usage, found the knives ideal for not just cutting with, but for eating from. By the mid-1800’s, etiquette books encouraged diners to stop the practice of eating their food from their knives. As etiquette books are often ignored, small numbers of several generations continued the practice. 

A most popular food with which to show off one’s knife dining skills was peas. Many people practiced lining peas carefully upon a steel knife blade, to “pour” into their mouths, much to the chagrin of spouses and parents. A few uncouth, but industrious people even invented and designed special, “pea knives.” It took, as gentle reminders, repeated news and magazine articles over the years to finally get the practice all but abandoned. Two such articles are below:

Eating With a Knife is Not Insanity

LOS ANGELES, Mar. 4 (AP)—Eating with a knife is not insanity. Mrs. Kathryn Brown contended it was, in contesting the will of her sister, Mrs. Margaret Dillon, who left her $25,000 estate to her 12-year-old grand niece, Margaret Keating, of New York. Mrs. Brown testified Mrs. Dillon, although well reared, had been eating with a knife and suffered from a delusion that she was an experienced driver, despite the fact that she owned no car. A superior court jury yesterday found Mrs. Dillon was not insane and upheld the terms of her will. — San Pedro Pilot News, 1931

Gossip of Railwayman

Frederick Shoup of the Passenger Department of the Southern Pacific is a man of many parts. He is not only said to be good looking, but has so persuasive a tongue that it would enable him to sell gold bricks, even to Hetty Green. “Etiquette and table manners are all based on common sense,” remarked Frederick to Charles Burkhalter and John Ross, with whom he was dining at Fresno. “For instance, the reason why a man does not eat with his knife is because he is afraid of cutting his lips.”  “Well, that is true,” replied Burkhalter, as he lifted the duck on which Shoup was feasting from Fred’s plate to his own.  “You see how simple it is.” Shoup rambled on, “Why don't we use a fork for our, soup? Why? Because the fork I could not scoop up enough of the soup.” “Well that is an idea,” observed John Ross, the great chocolate expert, as he appropriated Fred’s vegetables. “Everything is based on common sense,” continued the orator. “Why do we have napkins?” “Why?” asked Burkhalter, as he emptied Fred’s pint of Chianti. “To remove the stains of food from our fingers and mouths.” “Well, are you through talking?” said Burkhalter. “It is time to get to work.” “Work,” shouted Shoup, “why, man, I have had nothing to eat.” — San Francisco Call, 1908

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Dining Etiquette in Legal Decision

His claim was defeated on the ground that it was a breach of etiquette for him to eat with a knife. 

Taught Him a Lesson

 

Etiquette is responsible for a queer legal decision. A traveler on a German railway train attempted to eat a lunch, and while in the act of conveying food to his mouth, the train stopped suddenly and his cheek was badly cut on the edge of the knife he was using. The man sued the company for damages, but his claim was defeated on the ground that it was a breach of etiquette for him to eat with a knife. The court recited unto him the chestnut that, “A man cannot take advantage of his own wrong.” —Chicago Times, 1892

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Good Form in Dining of 1894

It is good form to sit erect, to keep the arms off the table, to look pleasant, and to keep room in the mouth for a laugh...

It is good form to break off morsels of bread, toast, biscuits and cake. It is vulgar to bite into a slice. It is good form to train the left hand to use the fork. A gentleman does not lay down his knife and take the fork in his right hand, when the course consists of meat and a salad. 

It is good form to eat slowly and quietly. Only vulgar people are noisy. It is good form to sit erect, to keep the arms off the table, to look pleasant, and to keep room in the mouth for a laugh. People who eat like cattle should be induced to take meals in sheds or vacant lots. Babies and men and women in their “second childhood” can be excused for slobbering at table. – San Jose Herald, 1894

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Domestic Notes on Table Etiquette

 An antique, King’s pattern, corn stripper or kernel scraper. Victorians loved green corn, and by the late 1800’s and early 1900’s had produced numerous patented items, like the one above, for making the eating of green corn from the cob a more graceful process.

A writer in Harper's Bazaar takes up her pen to put us all to rights on our behavior at the table. We give a part of her lecture as follows: A cream-cake, and anything of similar nature, should be eaten with knife and fork, never bitten. Asparagus may be taken from the finger and thumb. Peas and beans, we all know, require the fork only. Potatoes, if mashed, should be mashed with the fork. Green corn should be eaten from the cob, but it must be held with a single hand. Celery, cresses, radishes, and all that sort of thing, are, of course, to be eaten from the fingers; the salt should be laid upon one's plate, not upon the cloth. 

Fish is to be eaten with the fork, without the assistance of the knife; a bit of bread in the left hand sometimes helps one to master a refractory morsel. Berries, of course, are to be eaten with a spoon. It is not proper to drink with a spoon in the cup; nor should one, by the way, ever quite drain the cup or glass. Spoons are sometimes used with puddings, but forks are the better style. A spoon should never be turned over in the mouth. 

Ladies have frequently an affected way of holding the knife half way down its length, as if it were too big for their little hands, but this is as awkward a way as it is weak. The knife should be grasped freely by the handle only, the forefinger being the only one to touch the blade, and that only along the back of the blade at its root, and no further down. In sending one's plate to be helped a second time, one should retain one's knife and fork, for the convenience of waiter and carver. At the conclusion of a course, where they have been used, knife and fork should be laid side by side on the plate, never crossed; the old custom of crossing them was in obedience to an ancient religious formula. 

The servant should offer everything at the left of the guest, that the guest may be at liberty to use the right hand. If one has been given a napkin-ring, it is necessary to fold one's napkin and use the ring; otherwise the napkin should be left unfolded. One's teeth are not to be picked at the table; but if it is impossible to hinder it, it should be done behind the napkin. One may pick a bone at the table, but, as with corn, only one hand is allowed to touch it; yet one can usually get enough from it with knife and fork, which is certainly the more elegant way of doing; to take her teeth to it gives a lady the look of caring a little too much for the pleasures of the table; one is, however, on no account to suck one's fingers after it. 

Wherever there is any doubt as to the beat way to do a thing, it is wise to follow that which is the most rational, and that will almost invariably be found to be the proper etiquette. There is a reason for everything in polite usage; thus the reason why one does not blow a thing to cool it, is not only that it is an inelegant and vulgar action intrinsically, but because it may be offensive to others– cannot help being so indeed; and it, moreover, implies haste, which, whether resulting from greediness or from a desire to get away, is equally rude and objectionable. Everything else may be as easily traced to its origin in the fit and becoming. 

If to conclude, one seats one’s self properly at the table, and takes reason into account, one will do tolerably well. One must not pull one's chair too closely to the table, for the natural result of that is the inability to use one's knife and fork without inconveniencing one's neighbors; the elbows are to be held well in and close to one's side, which cannot be done if the chair is too near the board. One must not lie or lean along the table, nor rest one's arms upon it. – Pacific Rural Press, 1879

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Cross-Cultural Dining Etiquette

Best keep table manners simple and straight 

“I would tinker with all the different instruments arrayed on the tablecloths: the knives, the forks, the completely round spoon that was only for soup, the funny-shaped spoon for the slab of ice-cream, and so on.” – Ruchir Joshi

In the middle-class Indian household in which I grew up, the dining table was a relatively new thing. Visiting my parents' families in Ahmedabad, I sat cross-legged on the low wooden paatlaa for my meals like everyone there.

At home, at the dining table, we replicated what I would call basic South Asian rules of eating with the hand, always using the right hand and never the left, of jhootha and clean, etc... The only implement used at our table was the spoon in various sizes. It was only when we made the rare visit to restaurants that other cutlery came into play. Here, fascinated, I would tinker with all the different instruments arrayed on the tablecloths: the knives, the forks, the completely round spoon that was only for soup, the funny-shaped spoon for the slab of ice-cream, and so on.

At some point, at my parents' bidding, a friend of theirs, P-Mama, coached me in the correct method of using a knife and fork: elbows always away from the table, hold the knife and fork at right angles, use the fork to keep the target bite of omelette or cutlet in place while the knife severs it from the main body of the dish; tilt the soup bowl away from yourself and spoon up the soup, again, always away from yourself, but do the opposite with other spoonable matter; always squash the peas against the back of the fork so that they didn't roll away; keep knife and fork crossed on plate if you are only pausing during eating, and parallel and close together if you have terminated your meal or that particular dish, and so on and so forth.

Because table and cutlery manners were embedded in a continuum of gracious behaviour, along with this training came a lecture on the use of bad words. 'I was once at meeting with my business collaborators in London,' P-Mama recounted, 'and I used the word 'damn'. My opposite number immediately got up from the table and called a break, "Mr P you are clearly upset. Let's meet after lunch." and I realised my mistake.'

Reaching America as a college student, I quickly grasped that for every set of rules created by western society there existed an exact opposite set of behaviours. Students in my college canteen used the fork in their right ha nd, rarely used the knife, used the fork to throw food at each other and their hands to throw peas. They also used a lot of bad words, epithets much further down the civilisation chain than the demure 'damn' that had got P-Mama into such trouble in those ancient British times. After college, working as waiter in a posh singles bar and restaurant in New York, another set of 'manners' came into play, from bantering with customers, (but only up to a strict, invisible line) to accepting or refusing politely when you were offered a line of cocaine under the table.

Afterwards, it was the tip the table left you that mattered and not the hieroglyphic mess of cutlery scattered here and there. Moving into different cultures, one understood that table manners were complex and shifting things. It was better not to use chopsticks in a Chinese or Japanese restaurant if you weren't adept, and certainly not cool to make slant-eye jokes while fiddling incompetently with the damn things. The French always immediately put their napkins on their laps while Anglo-Saxons tended to wait till the food was served. Continentals would use the table-cloth to break bread and use their hands to eat it, both a complete no-no with P-Mama who took a long time to show me how to slice a bread-roll in half, butter it and put it back together again, with minimum use of fingers.

Then came the actual experience of another truism one had only read about: the more 'aristocratic' you were, in England, the worse you behaved at table, the 'better' you behaved at table the more you gave away your aspirant class. This reminded one of the old story about how it was once highly impolite in exalted circles in China to do anything but throw your bones and other foodly rejections over your shoulders - to keep stuff neatly on a plate implied the host was too poor to employ a vast army of servants to clear up after his guests. Coming back full circle, a few years ago, I found myself tagging along with a friend for dinner at a Spanish woman's house in Jorbagh. As we sat down for aperitifs, the lady launched into a diatribe about how she couldn't stand this Indian business of eating with the hands.

'Barbarians!' she exclaimed, completely oblivious, or perhaps not, of my presence in her living- room. For a moment I contemplated vicious retaliation: I would eat each thing this cretinous senora served at dinner, but only with my hands, making the most outrageous slurping sounds as I did. As it is, I suddenly remembered a phone-call I was about to receive on my land-line and left the party, leaving my friend, a Frenchwoman, to berate her host for her insulting comments. I remembered this when I read recently about the Indian couple whose children were taken away by the Norwegian authorities. Later, other factors came to light, but we all shared the initial outrage when reading that the kids had been taken away because they were being taught to eat with their hands.

The other day, I ate an Indian meal with an English friend. Like most of the British public, my friend is more than happy to tuck into desi khana, pizza, sandwiches and, yes, Spanish tapas with his hands, and he rapidly got busy attacking the dal, chicken and sabzi laid before us. I started eating and then noticed the strange contortions my friend was making with his fingers, as well as the awkward combinations of knife, fork and naanas- implement to get at his food. For a brief second I felt like giving him a demo-lecture on how desi food needs to be eaten (and yes, in these modern times, eaten with both hands fully deployed) but then I did away with my discomfort. I remembered, once again, that genuine manners, especially table manners have to do with two basic things.

First, you want to avoid inciting repulsion and disgust in the people around you, wherefore the edicts against eating with your mouth open, burping and slurping, dribbling sauce down the side of your mouth and so on. Now, disgust is a highly context-driven thing. My vegetarian mother, for example, could not bear watching a person tear into a tandoori or barbecued chicken, mining the bones for little treasures of meat as proper non-vegetarians do.  Some European aristocrat, on the other hand, might not be able to stomach the sight of a desi sucking on drumsticks or licking their fingers clean of dal. So, a good idea is to more or less stick to what will cause minimal discomfort to the audience of your meal-taking, but within the cultural context of the meal. Second, and equally if not more important, is the role manners play in putting the other person or people around you at ease.

Food, essentially is about nourishment, and this nourishment best takes place when the eater is relaxed and un-fussed about his or her ingesting environment; duty meals are among the most stressful rituals that humans put themselves through.  If we follow this basic doublesided principle - while eating, put others at ease and protect your own - we should be able to eat as we like, using the fish knife for buttering, using the fingers for tearing the steak and the coffee spoon for stirring the tea. – Originally published by Mail Online, March 2012, written by Ruchir Joshi

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Etiquette, Common Sense and Defiance

One who does not wish to wait till the meal is over before drinking coffee, must either cool it in his saucer or drink it hot, or wait and drink it after breakfast, and all because of the absurd notion that it is not a good manners to pour coffee into your saucer!

Liberty Versus Custom 

Found Under "Household"

Among all the declarations of liberty which American mankind is so fond of making, it seems strange that there is no league, association, party, or other combination to defend honest man against worn-out or absurd customs. For example, will any man tell me why I am forbidden by what is called "good manners" to pour my tea into a saucer, and cool it there? Much reproach has been heaped upon "strong" tea and coffee which properly belongs to "hot" tea and coffee. Everyone knows how much the efficient action of chemical agents is intensified by heat. Scalding tea is far worse than strong tea; but to be both scalding and strong is an attack upon the human body which no man ought to venture who has any regard for health. But etiquette forbids me to cool my coffee in any other manner than by waiting.


Coffee cups, in houses where the secret of making good coffee is known, should be like the human heart, large and deep, and in such cases the beverage will, like true affection, cool very slowly. Hence, one who does not wish to wait till the meal is over before drinking coffee, must either cool it in his saucer or drink it hot, or wait and drink it after breakfast, and all because of the absurd notion that it is not a good manners to pour coffee into your saucer!
                                    

I rejoice in pouring forth the fragrant liquid into a capacious saucer, and, before the wondering eyes, to raise the beverage to my lips. Superstition is rebuked! Health is justified of her children!

The spirit of "Seventy-six" ought to rise with every afflicting gulp of hot coffee! The custom is wanton and cruel. It is tyranny over the inner man, carried on by force, if not by the sword. I count it, therefore a duty to humanity to set at defiance the edicts of this liquid despot— hot drink. For the welfare of mankind I refuse to burn my mouth, or scold my stomach! In behalf of mute devotees of etiquette, I raise a plea for relief! Meantime, endowed with courage, and armed with principle, I rejoice in pouring forth the fragrant liquid into a capacious saucer, and, before the wondering eyes, to raise the beverage to my lips. Superstition is rebuked! Health is justified of her children!

Scalding tea is far worse than strong tea; but to be both scalding and strong is an attack upon the human body which no man ought to venture who has any regard for health. But etiquette forbids me to cool my coffee in any other manner than by waiting.

Even more will be shocked, when I avow myself as an advocate of the rights of the KNIFE. Now, custom has it reduced to the mere function of cutting up one's food. That done, it is laid down and a fork serves every other purpose. By practice, one gains unexpected dexterity in using a fork for purposes to which it is ill adapted. The Chinese, in like manner, make awkward chopsticks rarely serviceable, by practice little short of legerdemain; but is that a good reason for the use of chop-sticks?
                                   

Selection of 19th C. fork designs

A fork, as now made, is unfitted to pierce any morsel upon its times, and yet they are sharp enough to afflict the tongue if carelessly used. They are split so as to be useless for liquids, and yet they are used as if they were spoons. The fork compels the manipulator to poke and push and pile up the food material, which tends to fall back and apart; it is made to peruse the dainty tidbits, in which often the very core of flavor resides, around the plate in a hopeless chase, and at length, a bit of bread is called in as an auxiliary, and thus, while the slim-legged fork, in one hand, is chasing a slim liquid mouthful, wad of bread in the other goes mopping and sopping around to form a corner, and between the two is at length accomplished what is called genteel feeding! 


Meanwhile, a broad knife is fitted for the very function which the fork refuses, and the wad of bread ill performs. The reasons for refusing that knife as an active feeding implement are worthy of the awkward practice. "It is liable to cut the mouth," no more than a fork is to stick into lip and tongue.


If men ate with razors, there would be some reason for avoidance. But table-knives are blunt-edged. It is even difficult to make them cut when one tries, and if they are properly used, the back of the blade will be turned into the mouth. We do not object to the fork; but we demand a restoration of the knife from banishment. We do not desire to enforce its use, but such a liberation as shall leave one free to use the knife for conveying food to the mouth when that is most convenient, and the fork, when that is preferred. Equal rights we demand for black and white, for home-born or emigrant, for rich and poor, for men and women, and for forks and knives. 
—H.W. Beecher in The Elevator Weekly Journal ~ "Equality Before the Law"

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Table Etiquette and "Ruth Ashmore"

Lucky young girls were raised by parents, and governesses, who could afford “youth-sized” flatware for which to practice good table manners. This size was also used for dining at tea-time. Those who were not as lucky, were thrilled to read popular etiquette columns by the likes of numerous “agony aunts,”  writing under popular pen-names in the 1890’s.

Table Etiquette for the “eldest daughter” from the 1892 Ladies Home Journal

As a people, we Americans have been laughed at for eating too fast, and we are credited as being a nation of dyspeptics, writes Ruth Ashmore in her interesting department, "Side Talks with Girls," in the Ladies Home Journal. Now, of course, this is generalizing, but you, the eldest daughter, have it in your power to make the boar at the dinner or tea-table one of real delight, it is an easy matter, one you will find, to start some pleasant conversation to get your father and brother interested in the talk of the day, so that you will eat your food more slowly, and you will achieve what the Frenchmen consider the great art—you will dine, not merely feed yourself.

But there are a few little questions about table etiquette of the table that some girl wants to know, and these I am going to tell her. She must hold her knife by its handle, and never let her fingers reach up to its blade. Whenever it is possible, a fork must be used in place of a spoon, and that same spoon, by the by, must never be left in a coffee or tea cup, but laid to rest politely and securely in the saucer.

Antique sterling, individual cheese fork 

Glasses with handles are held by them. A goblet should be caught by the stem, the fingers not entwining the bowl part. Don't butter a large piece of bread and take bites from it; instead, break your bread in small pieces, one at a time. Butter it, that is, if you are eating butter, and convey it to your mouth by your fingers.

Olives, celery, radishes, strawberries with stems, and asparagus are all eaten from the fingers. The old method of eating cheese with a knife has been given up, with a fork being used in its place. The use of many small dishes for vegetables is not in good taste: indeed, many vegetables should not be served at one time.—From The Ladies Home Journal, as posted in the Sacramento Daily Union, 1892

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia