Dealing with Small Grossnesses

While it was nice of Jared to turn his head and avoid spraying the sampler, he still made two glaring mistakes.

Fingers vs. Forks with Shared Plates of Food

“Let's share an appetizer sampler,” you suggest. Your friends all agree enthusiastically, and soon a large plate of fried calamari, zucchini slices, and other delicious hors d'oeuvres arrives. You start to reach for a piece of calamari when, directly to your right, Jared suddenly turns away from the table and sneezes. He quickly wipes off his nose and hands, and then grabs a calamari with his fingers. You suddenly lose your appetite for good reason. While it was nice of Jared to turn his head and avoid spraying the sampler, he still made two glaring mistakes. First, he failed to excuse himself from the table to wash his hands after sneezing. Second, he used his hands to take items from the sampler plate.

Then you I realize, “I was about to take a calamari with my fingers, too— and nobody saw me picking my nose a few minutes ago.”

You resolve, from now on, to start using a fork or serving utensil whenever you're eating from a shared plate. Score another victory for consideration-based etiquette!

Double Dipping

You're hosting a party, and you decide to make a special effort by serving a big platter of shrimp along with a bowl of cocktail sauce. Everyone gathers around for the feast. The procedure is simple: grab a shrimp, dip it in the sauce, and enjoy.

Then it happens: across from you Dainty Debbie takes a bite and then, to your horror, dips the uneaten portion back into the sauce bowl so she can have a little sauce with her next bite. Several other guests look at you silently speculate: “What's he going to do?” and “Let me see if I can freshen up this plate,” you say to no one in particular. You pick up the platter and go to the kitchen, where you spoon out the area where Debbie double dipped or, better yet, replace the sauce with some you still have left because you were smart enough to buy extra.

P.S. Don't even think about giving the sauce a quick stir. While this may seem to be the easy solution, it’s worse than Debbie’s double dipping.

If you really want to take the bull by the horns, ask Debbie if she can help you in taking the platter out. When you and Debbie get to the kitchen, ask her politely to please not double dip, and explain that by doing so she’s making the shrimp unappetizing for some of the other guests: “Debbie, I'm sure you didn't even know you were doing this, but...” The key is to do this quietly and privately.— From, “Essential Manners for Men,” by Peter Post, 2003

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gentlemanly Behavior in Public

The gentleman never smokes, or spits upon the walk, to the exceeding annoyance of those who are always disgusted with tobacco in any shape.

Good behavior upon the street, or public promenade, marks the gentleman most effectually; rudeness, incivility, disregard of “what the world says,” marks the person of low breeding. We always know, in walking a square with a man, if he is a gentleman or not. A real gentility never does the following things on the street, in presence of observers:—

• Never picks the teeth, nor scratches the head.
• Never swears or talks uproariously.
• Never picks the nose with the finger.
• Never smokes, or spits upon the walk, to the exceeding annoyance of those who are always disgusted with tobacco in any shape.
• Never stares at any one, man or woman, in a marked manner.
• Never scans a lady's dress impertinently, and makes no rude remarks about her.
• Never crowds before promenaders in a rough or hurried way.
• Never jostles a lady or gentleman without an “excuse me.”
• Never treads upon a lady's dress without begging pardon.
• Never loses temper, nor attracts attention by excited conversation.
• Never dresses in an odd or singular manner, so as to create remark.
• Never fails to raise his hat politely to a lady acquaintance; nor to a male friend who may be walking with a lady—it is a courtesy to the lady.– Beadle’s Dime Book of Practical Etiquette, 1859

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia