“Bread and Butter” Letter Etiquette

The young woman in the picture opposite is being elaborately entertained at a house party – the very first she has ever attended. To send the hostess a bread-and-butter letter is just a trifling duty – yet to neglect to do so would be a gross insult to the hostess and she would be justified in dropping the offender from her social list.

Men and women who find themselves suddenly thrust into unexpected circles – sometimes men and women who find themselves, through some unexpected circumstance, well on the road toward social leadership – make little blunders that condemn them in the eyes of their new acquaintances and lose for them the very opportunity they had found. Among these is the unusual, but very possible, blunder of neglecting to send the hostess a bread-and-butter letter after having been entertained at a house party at her home.

The bread-and-butter letter is simply a form of courtesy one of the special letters which social intercourse demands. It is simply a short, cordial note of appreciation sent to the hostess upon return from a week-end or house party, expressing appreciation of the hospitality received, and informing her of safe arrival.

The young woman in the picture opposite is being elaborately entertained at a house party – the very first she has ever attended. To send the hostess a bread-and-butter letter is just a trifling duty – yet to neglect to do so would be a gross insult to the hostess and she would be justified in dropping the offender from her social list. – From Lillian Eichler’s “Etiquette Problems in Pictures,” 1922

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

"Bread and Butter" Letter Etiquette

The letter may be as long and chatty as one pleases, or it may be only a brief note...

THE "BREAD-AND-BUTTER" LETTER

From constant usage, the term "bread-and-butter" letter has become custom. Now, upon return from a week-end or house party, it is considered necessary and, indeed, it would be a gross neglect to fail in so obvious a duty, to write a cordial note to the hostess, expressing appreciation of the “hospitality received, and informing her of your safe arrival.

The letter may be as long and chatty as one pleases, or it may be only a brief note such as the following:

Terrace Revain,June 23, 19—

Dear Mrs. Bevans:
This is to tell you again how very much I enjoyed the week-end at Pine Rock. We got into the city at five and Morgan brought me out home in a taxi. Mother is giving a small bridge this afternoon and so I found everyone busy, for while there is not a great deal to do it is impossible to get anyone to help do it.

Tell Mr. Bevans that I am arranging for three or four tennis games next week, so that when I come again, if I don't win, I shall at least not be beaten quite so shamefully.

Let me know when you come to town on your next shopping trip. Perhaps we can arrange for lunch together somewhere.

Very sincerely yours,
Helen R. Janis.

    From Lillian Eichler's 1924, “Book of Etiquette / Volume I” 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Moderator for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia