1940’s Etiquette and Equal Rights

Hats may be hats, but etiquette still differentiates between the customs of men and women. In other words, it is never necessary for women to tip their hats, while it is often the rule for a gentleman. 

Why must the men take off their hats And wave them shoulder-high, While the women smugly keep theirs on when the flag is passing by. Why, in these days of “equal rights,” Should this fact be always true? Men’s hats come off when they meet the girls, why don’t girls doff theirs, too! The reason is that hats may be hats, but etiquette still differentiates between the customs of men and women. In other words, it is never necessary for women to tip their hats, while it is often the rule for a gentleman. 

The controversy arises as to whether the hat should be raised when a patriotic song, ether than the national anthem, is played. No, it is not necessary. The hat should be lifted only when thq flag is passing or when “The Star Spangled Banner” is played. Custom has changed the etiquette of tipping your hat to every lady you chance to meet. This is impractical, as you would soon wear your hat out. Nevertheless, the hat should be tipped when you meet a lady of your acquaintance, and should be taken off when in the theater, lobby of a hotel, church or an elevator. 

When you tip your hat to a lady, it need not be taken completely off, merely raised slightly. When the flag goes by, the hat should be taken off and held over the heart. Of course, in public buildings, as the theater, it is a matter of convenience to take it off and hold it in your hand. This bit of etiquette may seem very elementary to collegiates, but due to the fact hats are seldom worn on the campus, it is a good idea to check up on what to do when you do wear a hat. 

Ladies need never remove their hats in public places, but it is a good idea to let the people in the show behind you see some of the picture instead of your New York creation. So if you wear a reproduction of the leaning tower of Pisa or a similar style, remember we are all behind you! - Sally’s Social Slants in The Oak Leaf, 1940

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Panache

 “The art of being a gentleman cannot, of course, be acquired by mere training. There are essential to the completeness of the character some inborn traits, and yet it is quite possible for men who do not possess them to pass for gentlemen, because they have mastered the rules of deportment.” 
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“There is nothing so common in all the world as the meeting of people every day, and yet there is nothing so really uncommon and rare as the man who knows just how to conduct himself under these circumstances.” This was the dictum of the manager of a Chicago dancing academy. He has made the study not only of bad etiquette, but general deportment, the specialty of his life, and has devoted so much conscientious attention to it that he is regarded as an authority upon the nice points of conduct by all who know him. “The art of being a gentleman cannot, of course, be acquired by mere training. There are essential to the completeness of the character some inborn traits, and yet it is quite possible for men who do not possess them to pass for gentlemen, because they have mastered the rules of deportment.” 

“Are the rules of deportment set down in the text books?” “No. There are books on etiquette, but the matters I refer to are seldom to be found in them, at least, with any adequate treatment. I usually give my instructions by word of mouth or by example.” “Do you ever have pupils who come to you for the express purpose of learning deportment?” “Very many, and they vary in ages from little children of six years up to fat men of fifty. It is by no means uncommon that a man past middle age comes to take his first lesson to learn how to carry himself in the street or in the car. It is a curious speculation as to what leads them at that time of life to take up this study. It would seem as if anybody who was inclined to attend to it at all, would surely have done so in his younger days, and I really suspect that my middle-aged pupils are parvenus. I do not mean to use the word in the disagreeable sense, and, in fact, I think that it is very commendable that a man who has suddenly acquired wealth, or had gained some years of leisure by hard labor, should undertake to fit himself, as well as may be for his new position in the world.” 

“How do you go to work to teach an old man these matters?” “Just as I do with the children. I teach them first to walk. As a rule, men walk best when they walk naturally, but when they come to pay particular attention to matters of gait and carriage they are almost always inclined to some eccentricities of movement which have to be corrected. It is always the case, too, that men who come to me wish to learn to dance, and I put them through the initial lessons with a view to cultivating two things, grace of carriage, which includes an easy, unconscious control of the limbs and the technical figures of the dance. As the lessons progress of course, I teach the pupil etiquette of the ball room, and it will generally follow that whoever behaves in good form in the ball-room, will not go amiss elsewhere.” 

The correct “new” bow for 1888 

“Is there a recognized mode of bowing?” “Yes; there are two. One, that has really passed out of recognition, is still seen in the case of gentlemen of the old school, as we term them. Their method of bowing is a relic of the minuet, and if you have ever seen that beautiful dance you will remember it. The gentleman places his right hand upon his heart and bends over very low, and, as I say, only gentlemen of the old school, or persons who do not know any better and ape manners with which they are not familiar, adopt this method. The bow of to-day is a far less conspicuous movement. The hands should be kept at the side with the arms straight. People who are conscious of their arms and hands probably will never learn to bow correctly, and those who have become self possessed in matters of carriage can usually keep their arms at their sides without their appearing to be stiff or in the way. With the arms at the sides, the bow of to-day should be made by a slight inclination of the head. There should be just enough of this forward movement to be perceptible and no more, for there would be danger of a burlesque of the form of recognition.” 

“Is this method of bowing the right one to be used when being presented to a lady either in the ball room or in the parlor?” “Yes, there is only one form. When you are presented to a lady you should make this respectful inclination and make no advance whatever unless she gives the cue to it. The custom of shaking hands is not by any means reprehensible, but it is not considered the proper thing for a gentleman to offer his hand to a lady unless she makes it evident that she is willing to receive the greeting. Those who are well trained in deportment can meet each other in a formal way and shake hands without any embarrassing pause, or they do it so quickly, do they see what is the proper thing to do. The lady does not bow in the ceremony of introduction. Her greeting is entirely with the expression of her face, unless she chooses to shake hands. There is no rule to say whether she shall do so or not excepting that at very formal receptions that feature is to be avoided. When there are a great number of persons to be introduced to, unless the guest is a distinguished person, it is better to avoid the fatigue and annoyance that results from shaking hands. But in a private introduction there is no reason of etiquette why she should not grant that favor to any gentleman whom she meets for the first time.” 

‘‘Is there no recognized form of greeting a lady upon the street?” ‘‘Yes. Your well-trained gentleman will always lift his hat. If you were to go out upon a public promenade and watch the people as they pass, you may probably see a hundred different ways by which the gentlemen in the throng greet their lady friends. Some men simply bow, some make an off hand salutation with the arm without touching the hat. Others put their fingers to the rims of their hats, others tip the hat a little forward over their eyes without really removing it from their heads, and from this there are all degrees to that absurd practice that prevailed a few years ago of taking the hat off and rapping the chest with it. This was a silly fad, and is happily entirely gone out of style. The law of all deportment, whether in the ballroom, the parlor, the street, or on the stage, is that no gesture should be made in such a way as to hide the face behind the arm or hand. Therefore, if milady approach you upon your right hand side, you should lift the hat with the left hand. 

“Some men seem to have the idea that it is very bad form to salute with the left hand. As a fact it is much worse to pull up the right, and thus conceal your face or partially hide it from the party whom you meet. There is another matter about this recognizing of ladies and friends upon the street. When you are upon a public promenade, where you are liable to meet your friends several times in the course of a walk passing back and forward, it is not necessary to raise the hat to them more than once. If you tip the hat every time you meet the lady in the same day it becomes an exaggerated recognition, so that its respectful quality is lost. Raising the hat the first time you meet your friend is like passing the time of day, and after that it is much belter simply to bow slightly or even to smile.” 

Is he a parvenu? Is he “new money?” Does he not know this is not the proper way to sit? – “The worst you can do when seated is to cross your legs in an ungainly fashion. A general rule to follow in such a matter as this is to avoid making the legs conspicuous. It is such the best plan, therefore, to sit with both your feet squarely upon the floor and close together. Your hands may be occupied according to circumstances.”  

“Do you ever have to teach men the proper method of sitting in chairs?” “Yes, that is an important matter and one that displays a man's bad breeding about as quickly as anything. The worst you can do when seated is to cross your legs in an ungainly fashion. A general rule to follow in such a matter as this is to avoid making the legs conspicuous. It is such the best plan, therefore, to sit with both your feet squarely upon the floor and close together. Your hands may be occupied according to circumstances. And if you are listening or merely waiting, they had better be laid upon the lap without being folded.– Chicago Herald, 1889

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Another Victorian Female Fad

“Good Morning, Sir,” she said

They Tip Their Hats!

What the Girls Are Now Doing–A San Francisco Invention That Has Caught on in New York and Chicago

It is the fashion in the East now for girls to tip their hats by way of salutation!

The New York damsels were the first who had the courage to expose their precious bangs to the elements whenever they met a friend. Then the Chicago girls followed their example, and now the fashion has reached San Francisco.

Etiquette has not yet asked ladies to tip those dainty little creations, all lace and feathers, nor yet the towering flower gardens that are the bane of our theaters. The hat that girls tip is a special headgear, warranted to be put on and taken off easily, and to stand hard wear and tear. It was patented by a San Francisco firm, so that for once we can claim the glory at having dictated fashion to the East. Untrimmed, the hat looks a sort of cross between a cook's cap dyed black and a man-of-wars-man's hat. It is only when examined conscientiously that its entire originality is discovered. 

Upon a circular band of straw, an inch and a half in depth, is posed a plate of fine chip straw about ten inches in diameter. The front of the band is pleasingly ornamented with a strong peak of glazed leather, which can be firmly grasped and used to raise the hat, without any injury to the entire construction. The hat has quite a rakish appearance when trimmed. This is usually done by encircling the band of straw with ribbon and velvet and gracefully tilting up one side of the brim, with flowers or a plume of feather. – San Francisco Call, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

More Hat Etiquette

Like her predecessors before her, Melania Trump wore a black veil to meet Pope Francis. “Per Vatican protocol, women who have an audience with the Pope are required to wear long sleeves, formal black clothing and a veil to cover the head.” –Spokeswoman for the First Lady, Stephanie Grisham

Hats are removed for the National Anthem, passing of the flag of the United States, for funeral processions, outdoor weddings and at dedications. Removed hats are held in the hand/s in such a way, that only the outside of the hat and never the lining, is visible.

In many places of worship, head coverings are required. Hats or head scarves are required for both men and women in Muslim mosques. Wearing a Sikh dastaar, or turban, is mandatory for all Amritdhari (initiated) Sikh men and women in Sikh temples.

Men are required to cover their heads in Jewish synagogues, but only married women wear hats or scarves representing a display of her increased modesty towards those other than the woman’s husband.

The small, round head covering or skullcap worn by men is called a “kippah” which means, “dome” or “cupola.” The Yiddish word for the cap is “yarmulke.” The wearing of the yarmulke is a reminder of humility before God, a mark of respect in a Jewish congregation, and a sign of recognition of something greater above oneself, which is why many male Jews wear a head covering whenever they are awake, with the exceptions of bathing and swimming.

It is acceptable for women to wear hats in Christian churches, (it was once required, but the custom has all but disappeared in many parts of the US) but is considered disrespectful for men to wear them.

A woman may leave her hat on indoors or during the playing of  the National Anthem, unless it is considered unisex like a baseball cap. If wearing such a unisex cap, a woman should follow the same guidelines as for men.

        

 From “Ask Andy About Clothes” and other online sites

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Men’s Hat Etiquette

For the lazy gent who cannot be bothered to tip his hat with his hand... Unbelievably, one 19th century gentleman felt the drudgery of hat tipping so taxing, he came up with a truly lazy gentleman's "saluting device" in 1895. It was patented in 1896. “This invention relates to a novel device for automatically effecting polite salutations by the elevation and rotation of the hat on the head of the saluting party when said person bows to the person or persons saluted, the actuation of the hat being produced by mechanism therein and without the use of the hands in any manner.”

Tipping the hat is a rare thing among men when there are no women around. A few fine old fellows cherish the habit of tipping to each other and to strangers when introduced, but ordinarily the hand never touches the brim. In business offices there is no sort of etiquette. Men in the sweep and rush of business have no time to give thought to hats. But certain decencies should prevail. On entering a private office look at the head of the occupant. If he has his hat on, keep yours on; If his hat is off, remove yours. The removal of your hat is a compliment and a courtesy and does not indicate that you are inferior or subservient.— New York Press, 1903

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Women's Hat Etiquette

The Fair Hat —  Etiquette has not yet asked ladies to tip those dainty little creations, all lace and feathers, nor yet the towering flower gardens that are the bane of our theaters. The hat that girls tip is a special headgear, warranted to be put on and taken off easily, and to stand wear and tear. 

Ladies Now Tipping Hats

**************

It is the fashion now for girls to tip their hats by way of salutation. The New York damsels were the first who had the courage to expose their precious bangs to tbe elements whenever they met a friend, then the Chicago girls followed their example, but the fashion was started on the Pacific coast, and the hats that are worn to be tipped by ladies, are the invention of a San Francisco firm and Los Angeles milliners are now busy trimming them for the many purchasers.

Etiquette has not yet asked ladies to tip those dainty little creations, all lace and feathers, nor yet the towering flower gardens that are the bane of our theaters. The hat that girls tip is a special headgear, warranted to be put on and taken off easily, and to stand wear and tear. It was patented by a San Francisco firm, so that for once we can claim the glory of having dictated fashion to the effete east. Untrimmed, the hat looks a sort of cross between a cook's cap, dyed black  and a man-of-wars-man's hat. It is only when examined conscientiously that its entire originality is discovered. 

Upon a circular band of straw, an inch and a half in depth, is posed a plate of fine chip straw about 10 inches in diameter. The front of the band is pleasingly ornamented with a strong peak of glased leather, which can be firmly grasped and used to raise the hat, without any injury to the entire construction. The hat has quite a rakish appearance when trimmed. This is usually done by encircling the band of straw with ribbon and velvet and gracefully tilting up one side of the brim, with flowers or a plume of feathers. It is called “The Fair Hat,” and predominates at the World's Fair. 

The hats are in two styles, trimmed and plain, and are so arranged, that they may be doffed at will. As yet they are new in Los Angeles, but before many days days it is safe to predict they will be seen in great numbers along the public thoroughfares. It will now be the proper thing when a young lady meets a gentleman friend to return his “doff.” Several of the society girls are practicing in private that they may perform the feat in public with proper grace. — Los Angeles Herald, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and French Chivalry

During the age of chivalry, knights raised the visor to indicate friendliness. An interesting phase in the development of our etiquette and custom of gentlemen raising their hats.

"The great mediaeval social system known in history as chivalry was founded in France during the 11th century. This system of chivalry revolutionized the manners, morals, tastes, amusements, ethics of France, and, later, of England, Italy, and other European countries. 

The system of knight errantry, or chivalry, began about the middle of the 11th century and was originated by some nobles who had become ashamed of their lives of brigandage. At the age of seven every boy of noble birth was apprenticed to some great Lord as page, and trained to knighthood. He was taught honour, chivalry, truth, refinement. The highest ideals were inculculated in him. 

Frank Alvah Parsons says: 'This system may properly be said to have sounded the deathknell of heathen barbarism and to have marked the beginning of Christian civilization as we know it to-day.'

During the next three centuries many external conditions changed the manners and customs of France, making them heavy, formal, dull. There were the Crusades, in themselves most romantic and with a delightful history, but bringing into France new and strange tastes and customs. And there were the wars which threw the country into chaos. The decline of spirit of mediaevalism and chivalry at the end of the 14th century was followed by the gradual decay of the ideals and the courtesies that began in the time of Henry I." —From Lillian Eichler's, Customs of Mankind

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Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Hat Tippng Etiquette and History

“Tipping of the hat is a conventional gesture of politeness. This hat tipping custom has the same origin as military saluting, which came from the raising of medieval Knights face visors to show friendliness.” - from “Ask Andy About Clothes” website

The custom of a man tipping his hat to others derived from an ancient practice. When knights in medieval times wanted to express friendly intent, they would raise their face masks and reveal their faces. The practice of saluting is also derived from this friendly exchange between knights.  Lifting one's armor mask eventually evolved into the custom of “tipping” or “doffing” one's hat to greet or acknowledge another, women in particular.  

“If a gentleman meets a gentleman, he may salute him by touching his hat without removing it, but if a lady be with either gentleman, both hats must be lifted in salutation. If a gentleman stops to speak to a lady, in the street, he must hold his hat in his hand during the interview, unless she requests him to replace it. With a gentleman friend etiquette does not require this formality.” - From Frosts Laws and By-Laws of American Society, 1869

“This practice also evolved into the removal of one's hat when entering a building...”

Knights would remove their helmet when entering a building  to signify  a peaceful position, since a knight could not fight or defend himself without the helmet.  Since the removal of his helmet made him vulnerable, it informed others that combat or any type of violence was not his motive. This practice also evolved into the removal of one's hat when entering a building, when hearing the national anthem and in different situations where they would not be going back out in public immediately. Men would hold their hats in their hand when speaking with a lady but would put it back on when they began to walk together if out in public.

 
Hat Tipping Etiquette

When a gentleman lifts his hat, he does not tip it when he meets or passes a woman he knows or when he is with someone who greets a woman acquaintance.  If he simply passes a woman or if he has to greet her, he falls into step beside her, he replaces his hat at once. Usually if they stop and chat for a moment he stands bareheaded. If the thermometer were hovering in the neighborhood of zero he would probably dispense with this courtesy after a moment - even if the woman did not, as she should ask him to replace his hat. 

When a man passes another man of his own age whom he knows, he merely touches his hat with his fingers. For an older, or very distinguished man, he lifts it. When a lady enters an elevator man takes off his hat. In the corridor of the building he usually keeps it on. In the elevators of office buildings in stores, which are public places, he need not remove his hat, though he often does. When a man passes a woman in a narrow corridor when he does her a trifling service, such as picking up something which she has dropped, or when he is with the woman for whom some other man does a service, he lifts his hat. 

He lifts his hat when the national flag passes, when a funeral goes by, if he belongs to certain religions or when he passes a church.  When a man lifts his hat to a stranger he does not look at the other person. When he lifts it to a friend or acquaintance he usually smiles and bows with whatever degree of cordiality best expresses their relationship. – Margery Wilson, from "Pocketbook of Etiquette" 1937

This common courtesy has its roots in codes of conduct and communication from ancient practices to ensure a peaceful position was maintained in certain situations, and continues with us today.

Submitted by Demita Usher of Social Graces and Savoir Faire