Gilded Age Dinners, Dress and More

Those white gloves on the footman or butler are incorrect! –“Everything in a well-ordered household is supposed to be clean, including the hands of the domestics, and the use of white gloves is not permissible. First-class butlers and footmen do not wear mustaches.”

 

Dress– A woman’s dinner dress should be décolleté, and for a man evening dress is always de rigueur.

The butler wears a dress suit with white tie. The footman, or second man, wears the livery of the family, or, in default of that, a coat of dark color, with brass buttons, and a bright-colored striped waistcoat.

The dining-room maid wears a plain black dress, a white apron that covers completely the front of her skirt, a linen collar and deep cuffs, and a small white cap, with or without strings, but no crown. Everything in a well-ordered household is supposed to be clean, including the hands of the domestics, and the use of white gloves is not permissible. First-class butlers and footmen do not wear mustaches.

Arrival– Guests are expected at the hour mentioned in the invitation, and should be as near that time as possible. In large cities, where distances are great and exact time difficult to calculate, a little grace is allowed, but the hostess is not expected to wait longer than fifteen minutes for a tardy guest. It is considered a breach of etiquette to be late, and the assumption is, when this occurs, that the delay is unavoidable and will be indefinite, and so the other guests should not be inconvenienced.

At large dinners a gentleman finds in the dressing-room, or a servant passes to him before he enters the drawing-room, a tray holding small addressed envelops. He selects the one bearing his own name, and finds on an inclosed card the name of the lady he is to take to the table. The letter R or L in the corner of the card denotes whether he will find his place on the right or left of the table from the entrance. If he does not know the lady, he should tell the hostess, so that he may be presented to her. 

The hostess stands near the door to receive her guests, and such introductions follow as can conveniently be made. If general introductions are omitted, guests are expected to act as though acquainted, and speak to whomever they may be near. This rule holds good for all entertainments in some countries, but Americans continue a reserve except at dinners, where barriers to ease and pleasure must not exist. 

The hostess does not knowingly bring together people who object to meet one another, but in such an event the acquaintanceship need not extend beyond the evening, and good breeding requires a courteous recognition of the friends of the hostess while under her roof.

The butler keeps count of the arrival of expected guests, and announces dinner shortly after all are in the drawing-room. In case of a tardy guest, he waits for the hostess to order the dinner served. 

Announcement–He then enters the room, and, looking at the host or hostess, says, “Dinner is served,” or “Madam is served,” or simply bows to the hostess.

The host then offers his right arm to the lady who is to sit at his right, and leads the way into the dining-room; the other couples follow in any order that is convenient. 

Precedence– The hostess, with the gentleman she honors with the seat at her right, are the last to leave the drawing-room. If a distinguished man is present, it is to him this courtesy is shown. Except in official and diplomatic circles, there is no other rule of precedence. If the President of the United States or a royal personage were being entertained, the hostess with this dignitary would then precede the others.

At each cover is laid a card on which is distinctly written the name of the person who is to occupy that place. Confusion is thus avoided in seating the guests. It has been a fashion to have these cards artistic and elaborate in design, but at present plain gilt-edged cards stamped with the family crest or monogram are more generally used.

Departure– When the dinner is finished, the gentlemen return to the drawing-room with the ladies, and then withdraw to the smoking-room for half an hour. Shortly after their return to the drawing-room the guests take their leave. If guests of honor are present, they are the first to go. – Century Cook Book, 1895

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

After Dinner Coffee Etiquette

 “When the ladies leave the dining-room they go direct to the drawing-room, where coffee is at once brought to them.  The usual way is for the footman to carry a silver tray or salver, on which are placed small china coffee cups, those of the shape called ‘Trembleuse’ are very much the best, as the saucer is so deep in the centre that the cup fits so far into the socket that no shaking is possible.” — Lady Constance Eleanora C. Howard, 1885

At a well-chosen dinner party, harmony of tastes and mutual liking among your guests should reign supreme, and where this is the case, all the guests would adjourn at the same moment, the host following last.

The host should not propose adjourning to the drawing-room before, say twenty minutes, unless his guests seemed bored, consulted their watches, yawned, or allowed the conversation to flag, in which case, he should leave the room at once.

The host should ring the bell on leaving the dining-room, which would signify that tea should be brought into the drawing-room, which is not done until the gentlemen leave the dining-room. When the ladies leave the dining-room they go direct to the drawing-room, where coffee is at once brought to them.
             

This type of trembleuse cup’s saucer has what is known as a ‘cage.’

The usual way is for the footman to carry a silver tray or salver, on which are placed small china coffee cups, those of the shape called “Trembleuse” are very much the best, as the saucer is so deep in the centre that the cup fits so far into the socket that no shaking is possible. A small silver, china, or silver gilt spoon is placed on each saucer. On the tray or salver are placed a silver or china jug of cream, the same of hot milk, and a silver or china basin of candied sugar.

Coffee may be poured into the cups before the tray is brought in, which the footman hands to each guest, and they will add sugar and cream according to their tastes; sometimes the butler carries on a salver a silver coffee-pot, and pours out the coffee as each guest takes it; sometimes, particularly in large country houses, each guest pours out their own coffee, the servant holding the tray for them with the cups.

The guests after dinner disperse themselves into groups or ‘tete-a-tete’ couples, and so commune pleasantly. — From “Etiquette: What to Do, and How to Do It,” by Lady Constance Eleanora C. Howard, 1885

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia