More Table Manners from Dame Curtsy

What have we here? A plate specially designed for eating asparagus, along with individual asparagus tongs. It is said that no other vegetable had as many utensils made for eating it or serving it as asparagus did. Cale assiettes eventually fell out of fashion in France when special plates for separating the tender green stalks from the accompanying sauce were created. – Dame Curtsy is one of them few etiquette writers who does not recommend the use of one’s fingers or asparagus tongs to eat asparagus: “Asparagus should not be eaten with the fingers; cut off all the tender portion with a fork.”

When a meal is finished in a café or hotel, the napkin is never folded but laid as it was used on the table beside the plate. The same rule applies when at a repast in the home of a friend, if it is for one occasion only. If one is a guest in the house, a clean napkin should not be expected at every meal in the average household, so it may be carefully folded and laid beside the plate. It is the rule in most families to have a fresh napkin at dinner, which is the most ceremonious meal of the day, and partaken of with the most leisure. In the same category, let it here be chronicled that toothpicks are never passed at the table, and never used in public. One might just as well take out false teeth and cleanse them, or manicure one's fingers; yet these questions are asked so often that an emphatic denial seems necessary here.

“How shall the knife and fork be held?” The knife is invariably held in the right hand, and its exclusive use is cut ting, never to convey food to the mouth. The fork is used with the right hand in eating, but of course held in the left hand when cutting with the knife. Careless training is in evidence when a person mashes food with a fork, or jams a fork full with all sorts of food picked up at random from the plate.

A knife and fork should never be held in the hands when the plate is being replenished. They must be laid side by side, their entire length on the plate, and, when one has finished, they are placed on the plate, knife blade in, and fork tines up.

Nearly every article of food is eaten with a fork: meats, fish, and vegetables.

All “made” dishes, salads, ices, and creams, are provided with special spoon-shaped forks, but if a hostess does not possess them, she need not hesitate to use spoons. They say it is a test of good manners to watch how a person eats lettuce, cress, or chicory, which should never be cut with a knife. The leaves are folded up neatly with the fork, and so conveyed to the mouth.

An unfailing rule must be remembered by those who wish to have at least the semblance of good table manners, and that is, never permit a spoon to remain in the tea, coffee, or bouillon cup while drinking from it, or after the beverage has been stirred once or twice. The spoon must rest in the saucer. 

The last mouthful in a bouillon cup may be drank with perfect propriety. It is a relic of nursery days to blow a spoonful of soup to cool it. Those who are very correct say that an out ward motion should be used in taking soup, and it must always be eaten from the side of the spoon. This also applies to tast ing tea, coffee, or chocolate.

Grape fruit, oranges when cut in halves and put on a plate, hot and cold puddings, custards, gelatins, and soft-boiled eggs, are all eaten with spoons.

To eat slowly and deliberately is not only an evidence of good manners, but shows a knowledge of hygiene. Only the unlettered bolt their food, scrape the dish for the last mouthful, and make a noise when eating. Children must be taught early to eat quietly, for habits formed in younger days stand by one often until the end of life. 

Apparently well-bred persons often seem unaware of the careless ways they have in eating. An attempt has been made to explain this by saying that the average man eats breakfast alone in order to catch an early train, eats a hurried luncheon generally alone, or with another man who is equally hurried and careless, and so habits are formed, hard to shake off in the bosom of one's family, where all should be as perfect as possible for the sake of one's own self-respect.

This last preachment makes me think of a charming woman who lost her husband, her money, and home, and was forced to support herself and two growing lads by working all day. They lived in small quarters, and the meals had to be served in the kitchen. So afraid was this little mother, used to all that wealth and position could give her, that her boys would grow up unaccustomed to the amenities of life, that she never omitted the finger bowls, and served the meals just as daintily as she knew how, no matter how tired she was.

Finger bowls are always necessary with a fruit course; the bowl is half-filled with water and placed upon a doily-covered plate. Unless a second plate is provided, the doily is removed with the bowl and placed to one side, and the fruit put on the plate. The fingers are dipped daintily one hand at a time in the bowl and wiped on the napkin. Finger bowls for some years were not in evidence with desserts, but are again in favor. A plate with a bowl resting on a doily is placed before each person and often these plates are of glass to match the bowls. Salt should never be taken from the salt dish with the blade of a knife and put on the table cloth, but on the side of the plate.

The worst of all errors is to spit out a prune, cherry, or peach pit onto the plate; but it has been done, or this awful warning would not have to be chronicled. A delightful old gentleman said the reason he never married was that he watched the young woman to whom he had made up his mind to propose, eat a peach, and she spit the pit out. That finished his ambitions in that direction, and he said he didn't care to have any more illusions vanquished in this man ner, so gave up all hopes of the fair sex for fear he should again be disappointed. This may be rather far-fetched, but the moral is there nevertheless, for all who will apply it.

The youthful candidate for good manners should be taught never to hold a morsel of food on the fork while conversing, but once having it there, to eat it and not dilly-dally. Also never try to get the last mouthful of anything if it proves illu sive; you 'll not starve and there is probably enough for a second helping. As pushers, when children have outgrown the implements of silver provided for this purpose, bits of bread may be used, the fingers, NEVER, spelled in capital letters.

A morsel that proves too hot, or spoiled, may be quietly removed with the napkin and consigned to the side of the plate without comment.

This reminds me of the young man from the far West who had to go to New York on business, and while there was enter tained by a millionaire mine owner who liked the chap for his sterling qualities. He tasted olives for the first time, his face colored as he removed the strange thing from his mouth to his plate, with a motion of momentary disgust. His host noticed but said nothing, and the rest of the dinner was finished without any further discomfort to the stranger guest who was clever enough to watch and see what the others did with the array of forks and knives, but in the privacy of his host's den after dinner the chap said with the utmost earnestness: “That was a bully spread, Mr. B–, but did you know those plums were spoiled?”

Bread and butter plates are universally used at luncheons, breakfasts, and suppers, also at informal family dinners, with a small silver butter spreader. On this plate all breads, muf fins, and rolls must be laid. At a formal dinner the roll in the napkin is taken out and laid on the cloth, at the right of the plate.

Bread is never bitten off in mouthfuls from a large piece, but broken off in small pieces, which are buttered and eaten. Crackers are eaten from the fingers, also celery, olives, radishes, salted nuts, crystallized fruits, bon-bons, corn on the cob, and most raw fruits. Peaches are quartered, then peeled, and cut into bits, which are eaten from the fingers as are apples and pears. Cherries, small plums, and California grapes are taken up one by one and eaten, the seeds or pits are removed from the mouth with the fingers and placed on the plate in as unobtrusive a manner as possible. Cheese may be cut in small pieces, placed on morsels of bread or crackers, and lifted with the fingers to the mouth.

It is most inelegant to take a chicken or chop bone in the fingers. Cut the meat as cleanly as possible from the bone and forgo the pleasure of the rest.

Asparagus should not be eaten with the fingers; cut off all the tender portion with a fork.

At formal dinners, or luncheon, a guest is never asked to have a second portion and should never ask for it, but all is different at a dinner “en famille”; the hostess considers a second helping complimentary. When a host carves, he may request a guest to have his plate replenished. A second, even a third glass of water may be asked for, even at an elaborate spread, but of course, always of the servant. 

At a simple family dinner, where the hostess may have no maid or one only, a guest may be asked to serve or pass certain dishes, which makes him feel at ease and at home. Never, when a meal is finished, push back the last plate used and brush the crumbs up into little heaps but leave everything exactly in place with the napkin beside the plate; if called unexpectedly from the table or a sudden illness seizes one, the request “Please excuse me,” must always be made of the hostess.—From Ellye Howell Glover’s Dame Curtsey’s Book of Etiquette, 1916

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Celery on Gilded Age Tables

Celery vases in silver and glass, or just glass, were popular for only about 20 years, from the 1860’s to 1880’s, then they vanished from most tables, only to be replaced by cut glass, low dishes. By 1892, they were no longer considered special enough to have their own special presentation receptacles. 

The problem of how to serve celery has been solved, at least temporarily, in the prevailing fashion of laying two or three choice stalks at the side of each plate. Nobody regretted the retirement of the tall celery vases, but the flat dishes were about equally awkward and inconvenient. The present idea is sensible and satisfactory and should be preserved. — The New York Times, 1892

                                              

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Finger Food Approval

“The list of things that can be eaten from the fingers is on the increase. It includes all bread, toast, tarts and small cakes, celery and asparagus, when served whole, as it should be, either hot or cold; lettuce, which must be crumpled in the fingers and dipped in salt or sauce; olives, to which a fork should never be put any more than a knife should be used on raw oysters...”

Fingers Began Relieving Forks and the Gilded Age 400 Approved

At an official dinner in Washington a few nights ago, a distinguished society belle from New York, one of McAlister's 400, was observed to handle the wing of a chicken with her fingers, and afterwards daintily nibbled a “drumstick” the same way without the use of a knife or fork. Some of the Cabinet and administration ladies, only one of whom belongs to the 400, marveled at this and thought it showed “lack of breeding.” The one authority, Mrs Whitney, remarked that the action of the young lady was in perfectly good form.

The list of things that can be eaten from the fingers is on the increase. It includes all bread, toast, tarts and small cakes, celery and asparagus, when served whole, as it should be, either hot or cold; lettuce, which must be crumpled in the fingers and dipped in salt or sauce; olives, to which a fork should never be put any more than a knife should be used on raw oysters; strawberries, when served with the stems on, as they should be, or touched to pulverized sugar; cheese in all forms, except Brie or Roquefort or Camembert, and fruit of all kinds, except preserves and melons. The latter should be eaten with a spoon or a fork.

In the use of the fingers, greater indulgence is being shown, and you cannot, if you are well-bred, make any very bad mistake in this direction, especially when the finger-bowl stands by you and the napkin is handy. —The Washington Post, 1889

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Caviar

Antique flatware for caviar: a rare, individual, sterling caviar spade in the Versailles flatware pattern, a bone caviar spoon, and a sterling handled, horn bowled, caviar server 
~ The flavor of caviar is often referred to as an acquired taste, but those who enjoy it say it is "an intense explosion of complex flavors." Caviar is a delicacy. It is the unfertilized eggs (roe) of sturgeon brined with a salt solution. The brining solution contributes a little to the overall palate, but caviar enthusiasts often savor the luxurious texture and indescribably rich taste of the caviar berries themselves. - Photo by Maura J. Graber, from “Reaching for the Right Fork”

The eating of caviar has its own set of rituals. Caviar is a "finger food" when eaten as an hors d'oeuvre, and served on toast points, or thin, round slices of bread- usually dry, since good in quality caviar, there should be enough fat in the eggs to moisten the bread.  Purists do not alter the flavor of the caviar with such garnishes as sour cream, chopped egg or onion. As with most finger foods, caviar on toast points, crackers or other small sliced breads, should be eaten in one or two bites.

The following are some considerations:

Caviar should be served from a non-metal spoon. Caviar spoons are widely available in bone, horn, tortoiseshell and mother-of-pearl. Any metals, including silver, will impart a metallic flavor to the granules. 

Depending on the grade of caviar, the flavor of lesser grades can be enhanced with a dab of fresh lemon juice. 

If you don't have a caviar server, place the caviar in a small glass or porcelain bowl, inside of a larger bowl filled with crushed ice. Make sure that the water does not enter the caviar bowl as the ice melts. 

If serving caviar on crackers, use bland, unsalted crackers.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Dinner Etiquette "Extras"

Fruit-knives are required, and ice-spoons, orange spoons, and other unique conceits in silver utensils may be provided with the dessert, if one happens to own them...

Miscellaneous Points of the Gilded Age Dinner

Extra knives and forks are brought in with any course that requires them. The preliminary lay-out is usually meant to provide all that the scheme of the dinner will call for; but one must have a goodly supply of silver and cutlery to avoid altogether the necessity for having some of it washed and returned to the table during the progress of the dinner. It is very desirable to be amply equipped, as it facilitates the prompt and orderly serving of the courses.

Fruit-knives are required, and ice-spoons, orange spoons, and other unique conceits in silver utensils may be provided with the dessert, if one happens to own them; otherwise, plain forks and spoons do duty as required. The fork bears the chief burden of responsibility, being used for everything solid or semi-solid, leaving the spoon to the limited realm of soft custards and fruits that are so juicy as to elude the tines of the fork.

The knife is held in hand as little as possible, being used only when cutting is actually necessary, the fork easily separating most vegetables, etc. In the fish course, however, the knife is used to assist in removing the troublesome small bones.

In holding the knife the fingers should not touch the blade, except that the forefinger rests upon the upper edge not far below the shank when the cutting requires some firmness of pressure. The dinner knife should be sharp enough to perform its office without too much muscular effort, or the possible accident of a duck's wing flying unexpectedly " from cover" under the ill-directed stress of a despairing carver's hand. I have seen the component parts of a fricasseed chicken leave the table, not untouched— oh! no; every one had been sawing at it for a half an hour—but uneaten it certainly was, for obvious reasons. The cutlery was pretty, but practically unequal to even spring chicken.                               

The fork bears the chief burden of responsibility, being used for everything solid or semi-solid, leaving the spoon to the limited realm of soft custards and fruits that are so juicy as to elude the tines of the fork.

The fork is held with the tines curving downward, that position giving greater security to the morsel, and is raised laterally, the points being turned, as it reaches the mouth, just enough to deposit the morsel between the slightly-parted lips. During this easy movement the elbow scarcely moves from its position at the side, a fact gratefully appreciated by one's next neighbor. What is more awkward than the arm projected, holding the fork pointing backward at a right angle to the lips, the mouth opening wide like an automatic railway gate to an approaching locomotive—the labored and ostentatious way in which food is sometimes transported to its destination? Nor, once in the mouth, is it lost to sight forever. Other people, seated opposite, are compelled to witness it in successive stages of the grinding process, as exhibited by the constant opening and shutting of the mouth during mastication, or laughing and talking with the mouth full—faults of heedless people of energetic but not refined manners.

Liquids are sipped from the side of the spoon, without noise or suction. In serving vegetables the tablespoon is inserted laterally, not " point first."

Celery is held in the fingers, asparagus also, unless the stalks are too tender. Green corn may be eaten from the cob, a good set of natural teeth being the prime requisite. It may be a perfectly graceful performance if daintily managed.

The management of fruits in the dessert is another test of dainty skill. Oranges may be eaten in different ways; they may be cut in half across the sections, and the cells scooped out with a spoon; or they may be peeled and separated. The pegs of a large Florida orange can be skinned with the point of a sharp fruit-knife, and the seeds removed, leaving only the juicy pulp to be conveyed to the mouth. Practice enables one easily to "make way with" an orange. Bananas are peeled and held in the fingers, or, if very mealy, they may be cut into "bites" and eaten with a fork. Juicy pears and peaches may be managed in the same way, at discretion, the rule being that the fingers should touch as little as possible fruits that are decidedly mushy.

The finger-bowl stands ready to repair all damages of the nature suggested. The fingers are dipped in the water and gently rinsed, and then passed lightly over the lips, and both mouth and fingers are wiped upon the napkin.

At a signal from the hostess, the ladies rise and return to the drawing-room. The gentlemen follow immediately, or remain a short time for another glass of wine, when such is the provision of the host. – From "Etiquette: An Answer to the Riddle When? Where? How??" By Agnes H. Morton

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia