Etiquette and “Pour Prendre Congé”

The modern form of “Pour prendre congé”? Texting the question and receiving an answer via text. —  Well over a hundred years before texting was created, one had to leave a card with P.p.c. written on it, along with the date when one would return to let friends know their travel return date.

“Etiquette with all its littlenesses and niceties is founded upon a central idea of right and wrong.”—Dr. J. Brown

What Readers Ask— “Recently some neighbors of ours left to live in another state and they have now sent around cards marked P. P. C. with their, new address written at the lower part of the card. What is the significance of this?” 

The letters which should have been written “P.p.c.” stand for the French words “Pour prendre congé” —that is “to take leave.” These cards should have been sent around before your neighbors left. 

It is customary to send them when about to leave for a long journey or when changing one’s residence. For a new place, one should simply give the new address, engraved or written at the lower right hand corner. — By Mary Marshall Duffee, 1917

✍🏼Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Etiquette of Women’s Cards

“It is considered old-fashioned to indicate the names of both a husband and wife on the same card. As an exception, this practice exists in resorts.”

Calling Card and Business Card Etiquette for Ladies of the Late 1800’s and Early 1900’s

1. The name on a lady’s calling or business card should be printed in a simple font, without any decorations, and without gothic letters. The name is located in the center of the card, the address of the lady is in the left corner. Typically, a business card is three and a half inches in length.

2. Married ladies should never put their first name on a social or business card. An exception is made for widows.

3. It is considered old-fashioned to indicate the names of both a husband and wife on the same card. As an exception, this practice exists in resorts.

4. Before you leave the card, you should ask the servant if the lady of the house is at home. If she is not there, you can safely leave a card.

5. Leaving a card is the prerogative of the ladies. During the visits, the wife leaves not only her business card, but also her husband’s business card. Visiting another married lady, she leaves three cards - her card for her hostess and two cards of her husband; one for her hostess and one for her hostess’ husband.

6. A daughter leaves a business or calling card of her father. A married gentleman rarely leaves his business cards, except during a visit to his single friends.

7. Calling cards are made to leave in person, and not sent by mail. If the health does not allow one to personally bring a card, it can be sent via servant.

8. Upon arrival in a city, ladies should leave their cards with all their friends and acquaintances.

9. When a lady of the carriage set is making calls, the servant carries the cards. If she walks through the city, she knocks at the house and leaves the card herself.

10. If one has paid a visit and talked to the lady of the house, she no longer needs to leave her card. However, she still needs to leave her husband’s two cards. It is considered bad form to leave them on the table in the living room or in the card basket or tray, and in no case can they simply be handed to the lady of the house. The husband’s cards should be left on the table in the hallway or quietly passed to the butler or a servant.

11. If the lady’s husband is present during the visit, he leaves only one of his cards, for the man of the house. If the gentleman is also present, one does not need to leave anything.

12. If the mistress, or lady of the house has adult daughters, the guest should bend the right corner of the business card, thus to mark their presence. The lady never leaves a business card of her husband for the daughters, but she can leave it if the family has adult sons.

13. If a lady leaves a business card for her friend, who only stays in the house, it is not necessary to leave another business card for the lady of the house, unless the visitor knows her.

14. Young ladies should not have their own social calling cards. Their names are usually printed under the name of the mother. If the mother is not alive, the girl’s name is written under the father’s name on the standard lady’s business card (but not on the gentleman’s business card). If adult ladies make social visits in the company of young girls, then the names of the girls are written by hand on the cards, under the names of those women.

15. Older unmarried women, (spinsters or “old maids”) who no longer need an attendant, may have their own cards.

16. If a young lady visits ladies who are unfamiliar with her mother or companion, she leaves her mother’s card, under whose name her name is printed. To let her know that she had personally visited, the girl deletes the mother’s name with a pencil, leaving only her own.

17. Ladies who have received a calling card, should pay a return visit within a week and leave their cards.

18. If a new family arrives in the city, local residents should be the first to make a visit and leave their cards, having previously specified what position the newcomers occupy in the community. Beginners should not be the first to make visits.

19. If a lady makes a visit to inquire about health, she writes, “Ask Mrs. Jones for health.” Having recovered, Mrs. Jones can leave her card, with a note of thanks above the name.

20. Leaving for more than two months, one should personally carry cards to all acquaintances or send cards with the abbreviation PPC (pour prendre conge) in the lower corner through a servant. Thus, they are notified of one’s departure without unnecessary correspondence. This should be done a week before departure.

21. If a lady makes a visit which is primarily for business, she should ask the servant to immediately take her business card to the resident she is visiting.

By contributor, Maria Pavlova. Russian born, Maria started studying etiquette and traditions as a young girl, as it was important to her family. She dedicated much time and research to 19th century etiquette and customs. For a time, she ran an etiquette school called, “The Russian Princess.” Now, living abroad, she offers consultations and conducts etiquette lessons online.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for Calling Cards and Visiting

A rare, Unger brothers sterling silver, Art Nouveau period calling card tray

VISITING CARDS

HUSBAND AND WIFE. When the wife is calling, 

she can leave cards of the husband and sons if it is impossible for them to do so themselves. 

After an entertainment, cards of the family 

can be left for the host and hostess by either 

the wife or any of the daughters. 

(See Also MR. AND MRS. CARD)

LEAVING IN PERSON. When cards with a message of congratulation are left in person, 

nothing should be written on it.

LEAVING IN PERSON--AFTERNOON TEAS. 

Women leave cards of their male relatives as well as their own, although their names may be announced upon entering the drawing-room.

Guests leave their cards in a receptacle provided, or give them to the servant at the door. 

MEN. A bachelor should not use AT HOME 

cards as a woman does, nor to invite his 

friends, by writing a date and MUSIC AT FOUR 

on his calling card in place of an invitation.

MEN--LEAVING IN PERSON. When returning to town after a long absence, a man should leave cards having his address. When calling upon a young woman whose hostess is not known by the man, he should send his card to her. 

At the beginning of a season, a man should 

leave two cards for all those whose entertainments he is in the habit of attending, or on whom he pays social calls. 

These cards may also be mailed. If left in person, there should be one for each member of the family called upon, or only two cards. In the former there should be left one card for the host, one for the hostess, one for the "misses," and one for the rest of the family and their guest. 

Men of leisure should leave their own cards, while business men can have them left by the women of the family. The corner of the card should not be turned down. 

Cards are now left in the hall by the servant 

and the caller is announced. In business calls the card is taken to the person for whom the caller asked.

What if this card had P.C.C. written at the bottom? “There has been a difference of opinion, too, on the use of capital letters for P. P. C. on visiting-cards, and R . S. V. P. on cards of invitation. Since the time of the Romans large letters have been used for abbreviations, but America now uses small letters, an innovation distasteful to European eyes.” From “All the Year Round” by Charles Dickens, 1882 – P.C.C. stood for the French, ‘Pour Prende Conge’ or ‘To Take Leave’ but many Americans used it for ‘Presents Parting Compliments’

When calling, a man should leave a card 

whether the hostess is at home or not. P. P. C. card's may be left in person or sent by mail upon departure from city, or on leaving winter or summer resort. When a man calls upon a young woman whom a hostess is entertaining, he should leave cards for both. When a man calls upon another man, if he is not at home, he should leave a card.

When a man calls on the hostess but not the host he should leave a card for him. If the hostess is out, he should leave two cards--one for each. 

BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS, DINNERS. A man 

should leave a card the day after a breakfast, 

luncheon, or dinner for the host and hostess, 

whether the invitation was accepted or not. 

They may also be sent by mail or messenger, 

with an apology for so doing. 

BALLS, SUBSCRIPTION. Shortly after receiving 

an invitation to a subscription ball, a man 

should leave a card for the patroness inviting 

him. 

DEBUTANTE. When calling upon a debutante a man should leave cards for her mother, whether the entertainment was attended or not.

Gilded Age advertisement for calling cards 

ENTERTAINMENT BY MEN. After a man's formal entertainment for men, a man should leave a card within one week, whether the event was attended or not. It can be sent by mail or messenger. 

RECEPTION. When the host and hostess receive 

together, a man should leave one card for both, and if not present at the reception, he should send two cards. 

THEATRE. After a theatre party given by a man, he should call within three days on the woman he escorted or leave his card. 

WEDDING RECEPTION. After a wedding reception a man should leave a card for the host and hostess, and another for the bridal 

couple. If a man has been invited to the church 

but not to the wedding reception, he should 

leave a card for the bride's parents and the

bridal couple, or should mail a card.

Lovely Gilded Age calling card tray with a bird motif 

SENDING BY MAIL, OR MESSENGER. After an 

entertainment a man should call in person on 

host and hostess, whether the invitation was 

accepted or not. If a card is mailed or sent, it should be accompanied with an apology. 

At the beginning of the season a man should leave cards for all those whose entertainments he is in the habit of attending, or on whom he pays social calls. These cards may also be mailed. If left in person, there should be one for each member of the household or only two cards. In the former case, there should be left one card for the host, one for the hostess, one for the "misses," and one for the rest of the family and the guest. 

If a man is unable to make a formal call upon a debutante and her mother at her debut, he should send his card by mail or messenger. A man may mail his card to a woman engaged to be married, if acquaintance warrants. 

Visitors to town should send cards to every one whom they desire to see. The address should be written on them.

“Ohio Card Company” samples 

AFTERNOON TEA. If a man is unable to be 

present at an afternoon tea, he should send a 

card the same afternoon. 

BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS, DINNERS. A man 

should leave a card the day after a breakfast, 

luncheon, or dinner for the host and hostess, 

whether the invitation was accepted or not. 

They may be sent by mail or messenger with 

an apology for so doing. – The Book of Manners

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Etiquipedia