1915 Parenting and Manners Advice

As for table manners, the active child who from his earliest years has been accustomed to regular meals of simple food with sufficient variety for his health and. pleasure will be hungry enough at mealtime to eat anything that is put before him. If, from the beginning, he has been encouraged by example, then good table manners will be as natural as breathing. – Etiquipedia private family library image of a mother and her children in 1915.

HAVE YOU BETTER MANNERS THAN YOUR CHILDREN?

IN THE COURSE of a very interesting  article entitled “Your Children’s Manners” in the Woman’s Home Companion, appears the following wise comment:

“Good Company manners depend upon good home manners. As for table manners, the active child who from his earliest years has been accustomed to regular meals of simple food with sufficient variety for his health and. pleasure will be hungry enough at mealtime to eat anything that is put before him. If, from the beginning, he has been encouraged by example, then good table manners will be as natural as breathing. They will be a part of him, and he will make use of them wherever he is. 

“The place for a parent to begin training the manners of her child is with her own manners. Whenever a mother complains of the bad manners of her child, she is unconsciously lodging a complaint against herself as a mother. The old ideal of training in behavior was based largely upon the principle of the child’s consideration for its elders; the modern principle demands also the eledrs’ consideration for the child.” – San Pedro Pilot, 1915

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

More Child Etiquette Training Utensils

On children learning table manners ~ “Every human being without exception must pass through this rite of passage, being forbidden the motherly breast or the bottle and taught to eat solid food. The child must learn for most of its mealtimes to give up sucking, the skill with which it was born. The area inside the cheeks of small children is well provided with taste buds, which adults' cheeks are not; babies taste not only with their tongues but with their cheeks. This is thought to be why they like packing their mouths with food. They must be made to take less at a time.” ~ Margaret Visser, in “The Rituals of Dinner”

A few more examples of
Child Etiquette Training Tools
from the 1800’s & 1900’s

Food pushers for baby were essential in a day when "cleaning the plate" was a rule observed by every child. These pieces were available in almost every popular flatware pattern.

The R. Blackington Company created these fun toddler spoons – “A barrier at one side of the bowl of baby training spoons supposedly frustrated the child who wanted to use his left hand at the table. The manufacturer offered a variety of appealing  animal barriers.” 

The “My Own Set” plate came with a toddler-sized, silver plated fork and spoon set. Some even came with a matching child-sized mug. They were available featuring art depicting boys, girls, and even animals, though most popular was this adorable girl with her teddy bear in a high chair, “learning to eat properly.” The plates were designed to remind the child where his or her fork or spoon should go— on the right or the left side. This is one of the rare plates that was available in Spanish.

These patent and description images, along with a previous Etiquipedia post on Child Etiquette Training Tools and other items, can be found at this link.

— Advertisements and text above from “American Silver Flatware 1837-1910,” by Noel Turner, 1972 and the “My Own Plate Set” is from the Etiquipedia private library and will be featured in an upcoming book by Site Editor, Maura J. Graber

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Madame Chic on Table Manners

It's much more fun to lead by example. When toddler my tries to eat her spaghetti with her hands, I pick up my fork and say, “We eat with our forks.” This works so much better than “Don't eat with your hands,” which is a negative command and doesn't provide an alternative.

One of the ways to make your weeknight dinner a formal affair is to observe proper table manners. Pretend you are dining at the Four Seasons and not in your kitchen on a hot summer day. How would you act? How would you expect your family to act? Keep this secret for now. Sit up straight with good posture, eating slowly and enjoying your food. Say please and thank you. After a while your family will just be attracted to the way you eat. If they tend to slump over their food and eat without looking up, rather than asking them not to, just be the change you want to see in them.

It's much more fun to lead by example. When toddler my tries to eat her spaghetti with her hands, I pick up my fork and say, “We eat with our forks.” This works so much better than “Don't eat with your hands,” which is a negative command and doesn't provide an alternative. Also, I try to say it in a lighthearted way. I try to make it intriguing. What is all this about eating with a fork? I want her to think. When she wipes her mouth on her sleeve, I say, "We use our napkins to wipe our mouths," and then I demonstrate. Using positive statements really works well with kids. They won't get it right away, but eventually they will, and there won't be any negative connotations associated with the family meal.

Dinnertime, this marvelous grand finale to your day, is about connection. It is about ritual. It is about tradition. Dinner is about so much more than food. It is a great opportunity to bond with your family and create lasting memories.

Chic Reminders

• Clear the table of any non-dinner-related material. You don't want to dine with any bills, toys, pens, or pencils.

• Set the table as simply or as elaborately as you wish. You can choose to use place mats or tablecloths, candles or a simple arrangement of flowers. You might not have any centerpiece at all. The most important thing is that the table is cleared for the meal. Have the children help you set the table. My older daughter loves to do this. She calls it "decorating" the table, even though she's simply laying down the knives and forks. I like her thinking! It is decorating the table. And doing so, even on a busy weeknight, is treating dinnertime with the respect it deserves.

• Present your food thoughtfully. Even if you are having pizza and carrots, plate it nicely. We often eat what is normally thought of as casual food (our beloved tacos, for example) but it doesn't mean they have to be eaten with sloppy presentation. We will eat them on our nice plates. I'll arrange the tacos (three for my husband, two for me) and decorate them with their toppings so that they look enticing.

• Lead by example and use positive statements to get your family to observe polite table manners. Think of it as a challenge.

• If you want to take your time while eating, do so! Don't let anyone rush you. Enjoy yourself. You worked hard for this.

 

When she arrived at Madame Chic’s Parisian apartment as a foreign exchange student, Jennifer Scott was a casual California girl who thought sweatpants were appropriate street attire. Madame Chic took Jennifer under her wing and tutored her in the secrets of how the French elevate the little things in life to the art of living. Years later, Jennifer was back in California with a husband, two young daughters, a dog, and her first home. Every day she confronted mundane duties like folding laundry and unloading the dishwasher, and she began to think about Madame Chic’s home—how the breakfast table was set beautifully the night before, the music that always played in the background, the calm of Madame and Monsieur Chic’s ritual cocktail hour together. Jennifer wanted that life. She decided to see what would happen if she didn’t perform her chores impatiently or mindlessly, if, instead, she could live like Madame Chic… This is just one of the books from her marvelous series.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Teaching Children Table Manners

Deck out the table prettily, with special linen, china, silver, with flowers and, possibly, lighted candles. Then make it a rule not to fuss with the children about anything at all, table manners, accidents, how much or how little they eat. Just see that the conversation is pleasant, mind your own manners, and you'll make the desired impression. A child isn’t ready for a regular seat at the family table until he is eight or nine.

Five-year-old David's table manners are a source of real concern to his parents. No doubt the problem is exaggerated in their minds because the youngster takes most of his meals with them. There are many bad features to such an arrangement. First, there is a tendency at the family table to judge manners by adult standards. There is likely, therefore, to be too much attention paid to essentally unimportant details. As a result, not only will the child's manners remain unimproved, but he will lose interest in the meal itself. 

A child, moreover, is expected to sit quietly at the adult table and not act bored, although the conversation may be way over his head. He is not supposed to show dissatisfaction when more interesting food than what he gets is served to mother and father. Under the circumstances, one of the chief reasons for having a child eat with his parents—to let him learn table manners by imitation—is defeated. But where a child takes the majority of his meals alone, the occasion of eating with mother and father becomes for him both a privilege and a special event. 

Such a meal easily can be built around dishes which all like and can partake of. A party atmosphere can be made to prevail. Deck out the table prettily, with special linen, china, silver, with flowers and, possibly, lighted candles. Then make it a rule not to fuss with the children about anything at all, table manners, accidents, how much or how little they eat. Just see that the conversation is pleasant, mind your own manners, and you'll make the desired impression. A child isn’t ready for a regular seat at the family table until he is eight or nine.– By Jane Coward, 1942

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia