Gilded Age Etiquette of French Kisses

All types of kisses are allowable on the forehead. Men, especially though, would be wise to check which type of kisses are socially allowable in another country from their own.

It is not considered bad form in Paris to kiss a young woman on the forehead, however slight the acquaintance. Etiquette is more rigorous upon the question of kissing in this country. He is favored, indeed, who can kiss a young woman upon the forehead without getting a bang in the mouth. — Hartford Post, 1886

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Gilded Age Foods and Cooking

Fannie Farmer casually called for a can of “Kornlet,” a commercially processed pulp made from the inner kernel of sweet green corn. But the industrialization of the food supply was hardly complete in the Gilded Age.

Beyond the precision of modern recipes, we also know an unusual amount about Gilded Age eating because for the first time in American history people were regularly publishing menus. That is, they were recording detailed descriptions of meals, including information about which dishes were paired with which, in what order different dishes were eaten, and what time of day people were eating certain foods. Menus show up all the time in Gilded Age sources on food, in descriptions of banquets, in suggestions about how to entertain, and in cookbooks proposing recipe pairings. Menus make clear that meal planning in this era was influenced by the changeable availability of different foods in this era, as reflected in Christine Herrick's seasonal menus, for instance.

But while seasonality still mattered, by the late nineteenth century more and more foods were becoming available year round, thanks to the growing reach and speed of food transportation networks and the expansion of cold-storage facilities. Note, for instance, the Florida oranges, California pears, and other fresh fruits served at one February banquet in Detroit in 1891. National distribution of industrial food products was also changing how Americans cooked and ate. Note how regularly the cookbook authors here assumed readers would have access to brand-name products like Maillard’s chocolate, Cerealine, or Quaker Oats, or how regularly canned goods appeared in these recipes. 

For instance, in one of her recipes Fannie Farmer casually called for a can of “Kornlet,” a commercially processed pulp made from the inner kernel of sweet green corn. But the industrialization of the food supply was hardly complete in the Gilded Age. Some items we may think of as exclusively industrial products —like noodles and yeast— would have regularly been made at home in the late nineteenth century, while other products would have been less processed than we would expect: many cooks were still shelling peas and removing spinach roots themselves, for instance, and many still had to singe and pluck pinfeathers every time they wanted to cook a chicken. Sometimes, too, a recipe calling for a can of food was not referring to an industrial product at all, but to food canned at home, as in the Kentucky Housewife recipe for Canned Turtle Soup that was followed by instructions on how to can turtle meat by hand. — From Food in the American Gilded Age, edited by Helen Zoe Veit, 2017

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

“Baby Kissing” Etiquette

Kissing other people’s babies seems to have been a late-Victorian / Gilded Age fad in many social circles, based on the articles we continue to find in news archives. But not everyone was inclined to kiss somebody else’s baby, even if it was the expected thing to do: “Anti-kissing societies grow and multiply in the land, and for this the babes have the greatest reason to be thankful. It is at last a breach of etiquette to offer a babe the unpleasant compliment of a kiss...” – 1895

Q. “Charlie” anxiously enquires: “Is it impolite to refuse to kiss a two months’ old baby; it is a female?” 

A. Not exactly impolite, but very impudent ; especially if the invitation comes from the mother. But your expression “it is a female” is a saving clause. Did you ever kiss a little female “it,” Charlie? No? then try it and you won’t find it such a hardship as you think.  

Of course add about eighteen years to a “two months’ old female baby,” and you have something heavenly; but you can’t always perform this addition—we know we never have been able to, though we love mathematics—and the next best thing is to take what you can get. Half a loaf is better than no loaf, provided it is fresh; and what is fresher than a dear little girl baby; yum yum. Try it, Charlie, and write us what vou think about it. — Placer Herald, 1889

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Eliza Leslie and “Etiquette of Old”

Fashions from Godey’s in December of 1876... “And of wine? ‘On no consideration let any lady take two glasses of champagne. It is more than the head of the American female can bear.’ The head of the American female of Eliza Leslie's day, must have been a very light affair, if it really led her into all the misbehavements Miss Leslie deplored.”– From “The Smart Set”, 1911

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 Author Eliza Leslie was a student of the 18th century’s Elizabeth Baker Goodfellow, the popular Philadelphia pastry cook, confectioner, and operator of the first finishing school in the United States. Leslie later made a name for herself, publishing Mrs. Goodfellow’s most popular recipes, along with her own books on etiquette.

 

Old people are fond of saying, “Things were very different I when I was young,” usually referring to manners. So they were. But old people mean manners were more what manners should be, in their day. Possibly. But if among archaic books in some library, one ever finds a manual of past manners, one is impelled to doubt their superiority. Without criticising the vapors or other vain artificialities, they did very queer things in polite society 60 years ago. The books prove it. 

Eliza Leslie of Philadelphia was an authority when our grandmothers were girls. She wrote about etiquette in “Godey’s Lady’s Book,” and in 1853 published “The Behavior Book,” which announced “instruction to ladies as regards their conversation, conduct in the street, shopping, introductions, entree to society, complexion, hands, the hair” and further, “a few habitual misbehavements noted during a long course of observation on a very diversified field.” And the things she observed! 

“We have seen," she writes, “a young gentleman lift his plate of soup in both hands, hold it to his mouth and drink, or rather lap it up. This was at no other place than Niagara.” Somewhere on a diversified field, she also saw pie eaten with a fork, for she says, “It is an affectation of ultra fashion to eat pie with a fork, and has a very awkward and inconvenient look. Cut it up with your knife and fork, and then proceed to eat it, holding the fork in the right hand.” 

Sweet potatoes were harpooned! “It is customary in eating sweet potatoes of size to break them in two and, taking a piece in your hand, to pierce down to the bottom with your fork and then mix in some butter, continuing to hold it thus while eating it.” And of wine? “On no consideration let any lady take two glasses of champagne. It is more than the head of the American female can bear.” The head of the American female of Eliza Leslie's day, must have been a very light affair, if it really led her into all the misbehavements Miss Leslie deplored. 

From “Deportment at Hotels” one infers she wore party gowns at breakfast, because Miss Leslie says: “It is ungenteel to go to the breakfast table in a costume approaching to full dress,” and definitely states that, “the fashion of wearing black silk mitts at breakfast is now obsolete.” And the way she arrayed herself for journeys! “Dress plainly when traveling, stage roads being very dusty. Showy silks and dress bonnets are preposterous. So are jewelry ornaments, which if real, you run a risk of losing, and, if false, are very ungenteel. Above all, do not travel in white kid gloves. Respectable women never do.” – The Smart Set, San Francisco Call, 1911

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Collegiate Wisdom in Etiquette

At the woman’s college, every effort will be made to secure a wise decision on points of etiquette!

From  the Women’s Section

“A course of study which was recently introduced in a woman’s college should have an excellent effect. It is that of a systematic study of manners: A council of etiquette is formed, to which mooted questions are submitted, the council not pronouncing judgment until authorities have been consulted and every effort made to secure a wise decision. Papers on relevant topics are prepared and discussed, an effort being made to remove the study from the consideration of minor arbitrary points of etiquette to the broader range of gentle breeding.” – Sacramento Daily Union, 1898

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Daily Baths

From early on, around the globe, daily bathing was fashionable and many societies had public bath houses. By the late Middle Ages through to the end of the 18th century in Europe and America however, etiquette and medical manuals advised people to only wash the parts of the body that were visible to the public; Ears, hands, feet, face and neck. Many western societies did away with public baths and turned to one’s home for the privacy of cleaning oneself. Still, much emphasis was put on masking body odor with homemade preparations and scents, rather than bathing and hygiene. By the early 1900’s bathing and oral hygiene were both fashionable again, and bathrooms were becoming commonplace in private homes. 

When Baths Were Scarce

In a guide to etiquette published early in the last century, the writer says that “soap does not irritate the complexion. Some of the finest complexions we have known, have been regularly washed with soap every day.” The same authority remarks that “the daily bath is now the rule rather than the exception, and common sense has triumphed over the decision that washing was injurious.” And then the writer has a dig at her great-grandmother, “whose only ablutions consisted in wetting her cheeks with a cambric handkerchief dipped in rosewater.” “In all our directions with regard to the bath,” adds this early Victorian dictator, “It must be borne in mind that we only refer to those in sound state of health.” – Press Democrat, 1907

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette in Victorian Babyland

“Anti-kissing societies grow and multiply in the land, and for this the babes have the greatest reason to be thankful. It is at last a breach of etiquette to offer a babe the unpleasant compliment of a kiss, unless you are his very near relative. In that case, you are still permitted to kiss the little unfortunate, but if you are thoughtful and wise you will at least refrain from encroaching upon the child's comfort and endangering his health by kissing him upon the mouth.” – 1895

In Babyland

A pretty fancy that is quite new is to choose a flower for the baby and embroider a single tiny blossom upon each article of the layette. A forget-me-not, a violet, a pink daisy or a buttercup may be embroidered with wash silks in the natural color of the flower; and the ivory brushes, the powder boxes and other articles that can not be embroidered have the flower inlaid or painted upon it.

Of course, every well regulated baby of to-day has a book in which the story of its life is recorded, and which ought to be the source of much pleasure in later years. A book of this sort is a charming present, and it may be plain and strong or as elaborate as may be. One made to order for a favorite babe in this city is of white leather, like a bride's book. The corners are of silver and the book is fastened with a silver clasp. Another, dainty fashion is to fold a parchment cover on the baby's book and paint upon it a spray of apple blossoms, or of the baby's own flower in water color. 

Inside, upon the blank pages, must be written the little stories of the baby's comings and goings, his illnesses and accidents, his first cunning lispings and all his young achievements. Those clever people who succeed with a camera at home will be sure to paste upon the pages of the book at least one new photograph each month. Baby in the bath, baby in the hammock, his first steps, all the story of his development may be told in pictures and be a joy forever to his mother at the very least. Later Mr. Baby ought to be able to take up the work himself; and if any one of us possessed a library of the scraps of literature we have meant to save, the pictures that have gone astray and all the flotsam and jetsam that should have been gathered into volumes, we should be rich in lore. 

Safety pins are to be had in gold and silver, and tiny ones for the backs of dresses are fastened together with slender gold chains. Little gold studs are strung together in groups of three in the same fashion and with all these and the pretty bib pins to choose from, it is not necessary to give the babies such absurd presents as bracelets and useless finger-rings. A writer in the Bazar says that the fact is now generally recognized that many children are born with some visual defect which can only be remedied by the use of glasses, and she adds that it is now no uncommon sight to see toddlers in Greenaway gowns with these useful articles upon their little faces. Doubtless by this means some trifling defect is often remedied, and by relieving the strain the eyes are saved from irretrievable injury. 

Anti-kissing societies grow and multiply in the land, and for this the babes have the greatest reason to be thankful. It is at last a breach of etiquette to offer a babe the unpleasant compliment of a kiss, unless you are his very near relative. In that case, you are still permitted to kiss the little unfortunate, but if you are thoughtful and wise you will at least refrain from encroaching upon the child's comfort and endangering his health by kissing him upon the mouth. – San Francisco Call, 1895

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Introduction Etiquette

Another bit of etiquette equally well defined is that a lady, after a gentleman has been introduced to her, should, on another meeting, recognize him first, it being her prerogative to drop the acquaintance if she sees fit. This bit of etiquette, however, is apt to be ignored, women instinctively falling into the habit of waiting for men to take the initiative in recognition, as everything else. Women frequently complain of the discourtesy of men in this matter, while the latter are merely observing the form of courtesy which etiquette has ordained.

Although it is an established rule of etiquette that persons meeting in society are at liberty to speak without an introduction when they know each other by sight, Americans are not very likely to do so; however familiar they may be with the rule. While it devolves on the host and hostess to introduce their guests, they cannot, of necessity, introduce more than a part of them; hence part of the duty falls upon the guest themselves. The awkwardness, even the anoyance of repeatedly meeting men and women with whose names and faces you are entirely familiar, but to whom you have not been introduced, is constantly observable in social circles. The presumption that members of the same calling, or of the same set, always know each other is entirely unwarranted. 

Even should they know each other, it can do no harm, if there be any doubt in the introducer’s mind, to represent them. It is easy to say: “ I suppose, Mrs. or Miss—, you are acquainted with Mr.—” or “No doubt, Mr.—, you have met Mr.—.” If the parties have been introduced, the offered courtesy will not be superfluous or embarrassing. If they have not been, the politeness is well-timed. The absence or neglect of this attention has a tendency to create a sort of antagonism between persons visually acquainted who have met again and again without recognition. Each is inclined to think: “He knows me very well, but he will not speak. If he feels so, I am sure I will not be the one to speak first.” 

We have known persons of prominence, men particularly; to encounter one another at parties and receptions through a whole season without an introduction. Having many friends in general, and being constantly thrown together, the mistake is naturally made that they are acquainted. Another bit of etiquette equally well defined is that a lady, after a gentleman has been introduced to her, should, on another meeting, recognize him first, it being her prerogative to drop the acquaintance if she sees fit. This bit of etiquette, however, is apt to be ignored, women instinctively falling into the habit of waiting for men to take the initiative in recognition, as everything else. Women frequently complain of the discourtesy of men in this matter, while the latter are merely observing the form of courtesy which etiquette has ordained. -Scribner's Monthly, 1875

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Thanksgiving Etiquette Tale

Circumstances alter cases in matters of etiquette... At the end of the Thanksgiving dinner a few days afterward, Edith was observed looking hopelessly at a last bit of pudding on her plate.

It’s Not So Easy, Edith

Circumstances alter cases in matters of etiquette, as well as in the more important affairs of life. Little Edith, visiting in the country, was much interested in an old lady, who, when a plate of fruit was passed her at an evening party, replied: “Thank you, I don't care for any now, but I should like to put an apple in my pocket to take home.” At the end of the Thanksgiving dinner a few days afterward, Edith was observed looking hopelessly at a last bit of pudding on her plate. “Can't you finish it dear?” asked a sympathetic auntie. “No.” replied she, with a sigh, “Not now, but I should like, if you please, to put it in my pocket to eat this evening.” — Youth’s Companion, 1891

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia