When Kisses Replaced Handshakes

Los Angeles society writer Jeannine Stein counters with the view that it’s always safe to kiss “your favorite designer and your hairdresser” because “it’s the thing to do and because you’re so glad to see them darling.” –The popular online “Kiss Blowing” emoji.

Social kissing is replacing the handshake as the polite way to say hello and goodbye at Hollywood cocktail lounges, New York social events and a lot of places in between. No one is safe from social kissing, according to an article in the February issue of Harper’s Bazaar, although not everybody approves of it. Judith Martin, who writes on etiquette as Miss Manners, acknowledges the popularity of the social kiss but yearns for a return to the handshake. “The handshake,” she said, “has been devalued by the social kiss, which no two people perform alike and which leaves a lot of lipstick and other confusion in its wake.” The social kiss can extend to anybody from your best friend to total
strangers, according to some social arbiters. 

Others disagree. “I know in Los Angeles they kiss everyone, whether they know the person or not,” said Virginia Depew, who edits the Washington “Green Book” social registry. “In Washington, it happens, too. But we are a protocol service (as well as a registry), and we would advise you not to kiss everyone. I just don’t think it’s proper. Kissing should be between very, very close friends, not mere acquaintances, and certainly not strangers. We frown on it, yes.” Los Angeles society writer Jeannine Stein counters with the view that it’s always safe to kiss “your favorite designer and your hairdresser” because “it’s the thing to do and because you’re so glad to see them darling.”

“Top models always air kiss each other,” Stein added “They peck the air near each other’s cheeks and then go back to doing their nails.” Hollywood columnist James Bacon said of the local custom, “Cheek kissing is a greeting for best friends as well as for hostesses you never met before. Bogart and Wayne and all those big macho guys did it. There was nothing sissy about it.” There’s a right way to perform the social kissing rite, according to John Duka, fashion columnist for The New York Times “There is only one proper way to do it,” he said “Hold each other’s right hand by the fingers. Twist your mouth as far to the left as possible and touch each other lightly on the right side of the jaw. That’s the kiss that counts. Anything else is too personal.” 

The social kiss has been around for centuries and at one point was so common in ancient Rome that it was banned by Emperor Tiberius. Erasmus, the 16th-century Dutch scholar, came back from a trip to Britain and wrote about Englishwomen: “They kiss you when you arrive, they kiss you when you go away, and they kiss you when you return. Go where you will, it is all kissing.” Among those who disapprove of all this meaningless social kissing is romance novelist Barbara Cartland who, according to Bazaar,believes it debases the currency, “One can hardly imagine a young man today being thrilled because he has been permitted to kiss his loved one’s hand,” she said. By Harper’s Bazaar, 1985

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Dark Cold War Etiquette Humor

A. Never use aerosol cans or lighter fluid during a nuclear assault. The intense heat blast that often accompanies an atomic detonation can cause volatile items such as these to burst into flames and pose a threat to personal safety. B. In the mindless mayhem and chaos that follows a nuclear attack, the urge to commandeer expensive sportscars may prove irresistable... but remember, don't drink and drive. — In times of stress and high anxiety, laughter can be the best medicine!

Back in the 1980’s, Post Nuclear Anxiety Could Sometimes  be a Laughing Matter

Nothing spoils a young college student’s career ambitions quite like the asphyxiation and subsequent death that often accompanies nerve gas and other chemical weapons. It is with this in mind that I’ve developed this practical guide to World War III Etiquette.

I. Health and Safety Tips 

A. Never use aerosol cans or lighter fluid during a nuclear assault. The intense heat blast that often accompanies an atomic detonation can cause volatile items such as these to burst into flames and pose a threat to personal safety. 

B. In the mindless mayhem and chaos that follows a nuclear attack, the urge to commandeer expensive sportscars may prove irresistable... but remember, don't drink and drive. 

C. In the post-nuclear era, the upstanding citizen should always remember while digging for roots, scrounging through irradiated garbage piles or begging for sustenance from mutant beastmasters, choose only those items which are low in sodium and high in fiber content. This will lead to a healthier and happier you. 

D. During widespread enemy invasion and occupation, home protection will be essential. Be a responsible parent and make your children aware of the proper behavior around domestic tactical defense weaponry. Imagine the embarrassment of learning all too late that little Susan can't achieve maximum kill potential from her wire-guided TOW anti-tank missile launcher or that Johnny was using anti-armor rounds in his M-16 instead of the hollow-point wadcutters against infantry. Be safety conscious and help your children become familiar with the maintenance, loading and discharging of the household defense armory. 

E. Should you and your loved ones be caught in the untimely and unheroic proximity of a thermonuclear discharge, remember the U.S. Armed Forces' safety tips. 

1. Never look directly at a detonation. 

2. Duck. 

II. Rules and Regulations 

A. During peacetime, pedestrians have right-of-way at crosswalks. But a little-known bylaw explicitly states that Soviet T-62 Battle Tanks have right-of-way over pedestrians (so to speak). Imagine the embarrassment of being mercilessly flattened onto hot asphalt only to discover that you were in the wrong. This is known as a World War III faux pas. 

B. Be a safe and responsible citizen by obeying all driving regulations, even during wartime. 

1. Never park in front of a fire hydrant as it may be needed to hose down unruly protesters. 

C. Should you be captured and interrogated by our enemies keep in mind these simple rules. Your captors will appreciate the effort. 

1. Give your name and Social Security number, but never give up your credit cards. These ruthless commies hold no scruples about making fraudulent purchases. 

III. Social Niceties 

A. As socially responsible citizens it is in accordance with our upbringing to make the invading Communist hordes feel at home. Thus, prior to or coinciding with any counter-tactics remember to get ripped on vodka, strap on a red ice hockey mask and scream “up Siberia” at the top of your lungs. This way, when the carnage and butchery of the battlefield surround you, you can feel proud at having maintained the proper decorum. 

IV. Residential Life 

A. Should you unexpectedly find yourself in the "kill zone" of a nuclear blast while preparing dinner, there is no need to preheat the oven. Simply place the frozen entree in your mouth and wait for the wall of flame to envelop your house. 

B. With the unavoidable food shortage that will ensue after a war, housebroken dogs and cats will become obsolete (not to mention consumable). But fear not, many families across our smoldering nation will find the household cockroach to be the sensible alternative. Let's face it, they're cute and cuddly and so economical. So whether you seek loyal companionship or glowing affection, the cockroach will stand by your side faithfully. 

C. Following the explosion of an ICBM in the atmosphere near your neighborhood many annoying things will happen. Not the least of which is that your car will not start. Don't fret, simply gather one or two of your more seriously irradiated neighbors and jump start the battery. This can be done by connecting the jumper cables to their fillings.— By Rick Grush and Daniel Philpot in the California Aggie, 1987

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Good Manners Required

“When eating stewed prunes in public, your pit should be first dropped into your a) plate, b) hand, c) spoon or d) napkin? Answer: c, your spoon. Then deposited on the edge of your plate.”
— Photo, Etiquipedia’s private library

.... to Get Ahead in This New Board Game

Suddenly manners are in. The manners market runneth over with books, newspaper columns, lectures and corporate seminars.

And now “The Official Game of Etiquette: For the Young, For the Upwardly Mobile and Those Who Are Tired of Faking It.” Invented by Frank Scott, a former child actor (Disney’s “The Seeing Eye Dog”) turned stockbroker and now owner of Interstate Security, a San Diego burglar-alarm company.

It’s a Monopoly derivative. It tests your etiquette I.Q. with such questions as:

• At a clam bar, is it acceptable to suck the clam right off the shell? Yes.

• Because of history and the Pilgrims, is corn on the cob, although messy, still acceptable at a formal dinner? No. Not unless you’re eating with a Pilgrim.

• Is the most important servant in the household the a) oldest, b)chambermaid, c) butler, d) gardener or e) valet? Answer: e, the butler.

• A masseur at a private club should be tipped what percentage of the massage: 10, 15 or 20? Answer: 20.

• When eating stewed prunes in public, your pit should be first dropped into your a) plate, b) hand, c) spoon or d) napkin? Answer: c, your spoon. Then deposited on the edge of your plate.

Scott, 37, researched his 400 questions with standard reference works on etiquette and with a consultant who preaches etiquette to the corporate elite.

The game sells for $24 (manners ain’t cheap, bud). Scott invested $40,000 getting the game produced and marketed.

“All those latchkey kids from the 1960s and 1970s are the yuppies of today, and they realize they don’t know how to act in most social and business situations,” Scott said. “They need this game, even if they don’t know it yet.”— By Anthony Perry, Los Angeles Times, 1989

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia