Gilded Age History of Valentine’s Day

Valentine was a priest in the days of the Emperor Claudius. He was a good, kind priest, and treated the common people with much consideration. Above all, he was gentle to them when they came to him about matters of the heart, and more than once he brought together couples estranged by a harsh word. In this way, Valentine came to be greatly loved… when the anniversary of his birth came around, they met secretly and gave each other little gifts. They called them “Valentines,” and the young women, in token of love for him and each other, took the garters off their knees and exchanged them, garter for garter. After ten years they canonized Valentine and placed his name along with those of the saints. And ever after that, when the day came around, they called it Saint Valentine's day.

Do you know who Saint Valentine was, and how his name came to be perpetuated through the ages? Or did you not know that there was a Saint Valentine at all? And did you suppose that a Valentine of commerce was only a sporadic growth, ready to die when custom had tired of it. Valentines originated with the saint after which they were named. They began nearly 1800 years ago, when Saint Valentine was alive, and have continued ever since, taking different forms in the different ages.

Valentine was a priest in the days of the Emperor Claudius. He was a good, kind priest, and treated the common people with much consideration. Above all, he was gentle to them when they came to him about matters of the heart, and more than once he brought together couples estranged by a harsh word. In this way, Valentine came to be greatly loved.

In those days the Emperor was lord of all, and little did he like it when others became favorites of the people. Consequently Claudius, when he saw Valentine walk through the streets with a crowd of people following and praising him, became very jealous, and sent word to the priest that he must leave the city of Rome.

But Valentine had no intention of going. He meant to stay and work there as long as the Lord spared him, and when he prayed nightly to his God in the heavens he prayed for the people who suffered so much from the oppression of the Emperor. And so the popularity of Valentine grew.

When Claudius saw that his command had no effect except to make the people like the priest the more, he determined to do away with him. He ordered him to be put to death, and one fine day, when the people arose and sought for him, he was gone. He had been beheaded by order of the Emperor.

Then the people were very sad. “He is gone, but we can observe his birthday,” they said. And so when the anniversary of his birth came around, they met secretly and gave each other little gifts. They called them “Valentines,” and the young women, in token of love for him and each other, took the garters off their knees and exchanged them, garter for garter. After ten years they canonized Valentine and placed his name along with those of the saints. And ever after that, when the day came around, they called it Saint Valentine's day.

Now, during his lifetime Saint Valentine had been very happy in love affairs, and had always assisted those who were in love troubles. Consequently the young men grieved for him as much as the young women, and when Valentine’s day came around they sent their sweet hearts little gifts, behaving with as much freedom as the strict customs of those days allowed.

From that time on the custom of observing Saint Valentine's day has grown, and now this gift day is almost a holiday. It is celebrated in the social world by gatherings and in the trade world by a great variety of pretty tokens, offered for personal gifts. And so Saint Valentine is not forgotten, though so many hundred years have passed since then.

It would be impossible to tell how the custom of honoring Saint Valentine will change in the next hundred years. Today you see the shops decked out with pretty tokens, satin trifles and all sorts of sweet-smelling gifts. There are verse books written also for the day, and the windows are filled with trifles, costly and otherwise.

The etiquette of a Saint Valentine gift has changed somewhat in the last 1000 years. At the beginning of the ninth century a Valentine was a proposal of marriage, and consisted of a herd of cattle for the very wealthy swain and a slain sheep for the poor one. Lovers in the warm countries sent gifts of wine, and in the Orient they sent perfumes, for there is no country to which the fame of Saint Valentine has not traveled.

The most popular gift today is a figure picture. There is no handsomer token that a box upon which a pretty girl stands, with arms outstretched, juggling hearts and money bags. In looking upon her Valentine gifts, the maiden of Valentine’s day, 1898, can not do better than pick a moral from the fame of Saint Valentine. He chose love as his theme, and lives forever in the heart, while unworthy Croesus and his wealthy Roman associates, who looked upon gold, not wisely but too greedily, are held afar off as objects of scorn. —Harry Germaine, 1898

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Gilded Age Flirts vs Honorable Men

Depiction of a Gilded Age, “lounge lizard” or “slick, dandified cake eater” flirting with two young women.— If you are attracted toward a man who seems to you an embodiment of all that is noble and manly, you do injustice both to him and yourself if you do not, in some way entirely consistent with maiden modesty, allow him to see and feel that he pleases you. But you do not need our instructions, and we will only hint, in conclusion, that forwardness, flirting, and a too obtrusive manifestation of preference are not agreeable to men of sense. As a man should be manly, so should a woman be womanly in her love.” —Samuel R. Wells, 1887

“Women reach maturity earlier than men, and may marry earlier—say (as an average age), at twenty. The injunction, ‘Know thyself,’ applies with as much emphasis to a woman as to a man. Her perceptions are keener than ours, and her sensibilities finer, and she may trust more to instinct, but she should add to these natural qualifications a thorough knowledge of her own physical and mental constitution, and of whatever relates to the requirements of her destiny as wife and mother. The importance of sound health and a perfect development, can not be overrated. Without these you are NEVER fit to marry.

“Having satisfied yourself that you really love a woman—be careful, as you value your future happiness and hers, not to make a mistake in this matter—you will find occasion to manifest, in a thousand ways, your preference, by means of those tender but delicate and deferential attentions which love always prompts. ‘Let the heart speak.’ The heart you address will understand its language. Be earnest, sincere, self-loyal, and manly in this matter above all others. 

Let there be no nauseous flattery and no sickly sentimentality. Leave the former to fops and the latter to beardless school-boys. Though women do not ‘propose’ —that is, as a general rule—they ‘make love’ to the men, none the less; and it is right. The divine attraction is mutual, and should have its proper expression on both sides. If you are attracted toward a man who seems to you an embodiment of all that is noble and manly, you do injustice both to him and yourself if you do not, in some way entirely consistent with maiden modesty, allow him to see and feel that he pleases you. But you do not need our instructions, and we will only hint, in conclusion, that forwardness, flirting, and a too obtrusive manifestation of preference are not agreeable to men of sense. As a man should be manly, so should a woman be womanly in her love.” From “How to Behave,” by Samuel R. Wells, 1887

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Accuracy in Films

 

‘Prince Bernadotte has an easier problem in supervising court etiquette. His main job is to be on hand when Colman as King Rudolph and Madeleine Carrol as Princess Flavia go through their paces. He's always handy for advice on what to do and how to do it. That is, on almost all court subjects except love scenes. When the King and Princess are alone in the garden, the Prince can play checkers or take a nap, realizing that the etiquette of romance is none of his business.” —Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. (left), and Ronald Colman in The Prisoner of Zenda

Hollywood Film Shop

HOLLYWOOD (U.P.) Search for authenticity in pictures, particularly those which deal with historical subjects, is always an expensive and painstaking job. It would seem to be news when Selznick International spends the money and hires the brains to make sure “The Prisoner of Zenda” is NOT authentic. 

To avoid international complications, the studio has hired two experts to figure out ways of doing it the wrong thing in a legitimate manner. Col. Ivar Enhoring, retired Swedish army officer, will be commissioned to design uniforms for the many military scenes. Prince Sigvard Bernadotte, son of Sweden's Crown Prince, who renounced his rights of accession to wed a commoner, will decree the correct Royal Court and military etiquette.

 

After studying specifications and pictures of some 600 uniforms, Enhoring expects to turn out authentic appearing costumes for the soldiers which could not be identified as belonging to any particular country. The uniforms have to be military, yet with epaulets, buttons and decorations all so individual, that no foreign power can take offense. 

Ronald Colman as the King of a European country, required a coat of arms. Trying to find one that didn’t infringe on the thousands in existence was a real headache, a complete library of heraldry was assembled to determine what designs to let alone. Even the fencing scenes have a style all their own. Ralph Faulkner, an Olympic fencing champion, was hired to devise a new style that combines the elements of German, Italian, French and English fencing. 

Prince Bernadotte has an easier problem in supervising Court etiquette. His main job is to be on hand when Colman as King Rudolph and Madeleine Carrol as Princess Flavia go through their paces. He's always handy for advice on what to do and how to do it. That is, on almost all Court subjects except love scenes. When the King and Princess are alone in the garden, the Prince can play checkers or take a nap, realizing that the etiquette of romance is none of his business.— United Press, 1937

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

More Etiquette “Fan Fiction”

Actual Japanese Fan Language with Nothing to do with Flirting — At wrestling and fencing matches in Japan the umpire always uses a large fan and the various motions of this fan constitute a language which the contestants understand perfectly and to which they pay prompt attention. The servant girl has a flat fan made of rough paper to blow the charcoal fires, or which ahs uses as a dustpan. The farmer has a stout fan to winnow his grain. Still another variety is made of waterproof paper, which, dipped in water, creates a pleasant coolness by evaporation without wetting the clothes.— Morning Tribune, 1905

More ‘Advertorials,’ on Fans, Disguised as Fashionable Etiquette

According to Esti Brennan, of Clements Library Chronicles, “Unfortunately, the fan language — and other, similar codes like the language of the handkerchief and the language of the parasol— were largely the result of advertising campaigns meant to popularize and sell accessories. There is little evidence that the fan language was ever in widespread use, though the concept was satirized by several writers in the 18th and 19th centuries. Besides being rather impractical, fan codes were a bit dangerous; an unconscious fidget or desire to actually fan herself could embroil a lady in a totally unintentional feud— or marriage. Not to mention the consequences if the matron acting as chaperone to a courting couple had, a few years earlier, employed the fan language to win her own husband!” 

“Mexican Lover” Guide 

There is on sale everywhere and in universal use a cheaply printed little pamphlet entitled “El Secretario de los Amantes.” It is the guide and handbook of lovers. It contains the language of flowers, the significance of the varied wearing and handling of the sombrero, the language of fan, the language of fruits, the meanings of the varied use of the handkerchief, emblems in designating the hours of day and night in making appointments, the use of the numerals in cipher writing, several short chapters on the conduct of a love affair, and the deaf mute alphabet for one hand. This literary gem seems to be more studied than any other in the republic. —Napa Weekly, 1888

The Language of a Fan

• Opening and shutting—You are cruel. 
• Closing fan slowly— I wish to speak to you. 
• Open wide—Wait for me. 
• Dropping it —We will be friends. 
• Carrying in right hand in front of face —Follow me. 
• Carrying in left hand in front of face— I wish to make your acquaintance. 
• Drawing across forehead—You have changed. 
• Drawing across cheek —I love you. 
• Drawing through hand— I hate you. 
• Fanning slowly— I am married.
• Fanning quickly— I am engaged. 
• Placing on left ear —I wish to get rid of you. 
• Placing on right ear-—Have you forgotten me? 
• Twirling in right hand— I love another. 
• Twirling in left hand— We are watched. 
• Presented shut—Do you love me? 
• Drawing across eyes—I am sorry. 
• Resting fan on right cheek—Yes. 
• Resting fan on left cheek —No. 
• Carrying in left hand— I have a message for you. 
• Swinging in right hand—Think of me. 
• Swinging in left— I will think of you. — Sacramento Union, 1908

Spanish Language of a Fan

Beaconsfield writes: “A Spanish lady with her fan might shame the tactics of a troop of horses. Now she unfurls it with the slow pomp and conscious elegance of the bird of Juno; now she flutters it with the languor of a listless beauty, now with all the loveliness of a vivacious one. Then, in the midst a very tornado, she closes it with a whirr, which makes you start. Magical weapon! It speaks a particular language, and gallantry requires no other mode to interpret a Spanish woman’s most subtle conceits or her most unreasonable demands.” — London Journal, 1882 and this was reprinted in the Coronado Eagle and Journal, 1929

Fan Language

“There is an infinite variety of motion to be made use of in the flutter of a fan.” once wrote Joseph Addison in the Tatler Magazine. “There is the angry flutter, the modest flutter, the timorous flutter, the confused flutter, the merry flutter, the amorous flutter. Not to be tedious there is scarce any emotion of the mind which does not produce a similar agitation of the fan; inasmuch if I only see the fan of a disciplined lady 

I know very well whether she laughs, frowns, or blushes. I have seen a fan so very angry that it would have heen dangerous for the absent lover who provoked it to come within the wind of it. And at other times so very languishing that I have been glad for the lady’s sake, the lover was at a sufficient distance from it. I need not add that the fan is a prude or a coquet, according to the nature of the person who hears it!” — Blue Lake Advocate, 1935

Fans of Yesteryears Recalling Gracious Customs of Past Era

Old as civilization itself, the fan has played an important part in the development of the human race, it changing as rapidly as the civilization that brought it into existence. It has served to sustain people, acted as a shield in time of war and has aided in the comfort of mankind. The first fans on record were those used as bellows to remove the dust from grain and to keep fires burning. Next they were adopted for religious ceremonies and then as token of distinction for the privileged few. In the Orient they were used by, men and women alike. Open fans of metal were used as signal and shield in time of war, while innocent looking closed fans often concealed a dagger.

Had Sign Language 

Versatile young women of the 16th to 19th centuries adopted this instrument as an aid to romance, matching it to every costume and painstakingly memorizing a definite sign language by which a silent compensation might be carried on beneath the eyes of the strictest chaperon. Toying with a fan eased many an embarrassing moment, while its method in handling could indicate, assent, denial, or pleasure. The majority of the more decorative fans came from France or the Orient. In France villages were centered on the fan industry, some acters while the mount has painted ivory faces and minute silk costumes appliqued on the many little figures. localities specializing in the carving of sticks while other centers featured the painting and fine stitches of the mounts.

Revival Sought 

Popularity of the fans reigned as late as 1910, when, with age of speed and mechanics, it has faded into the more romantic past. A recent revival, in which the film industry, fashion books, and Sally Rand have attempted to reestablish it, as yet has has little following by the modern miss. Entering in the spirit of the Old Timer celebration, the Tribune has sponsored the showing of an interesting collection of fans| in the Carlson store window, the majority of which belong to the nineteenth century, and ranging from the careful workmanship of a French wedding fan to the souvenir fans. 

Types of Fans 

Included in the collection is what is known as a flirtation fan, with which the belle of the eighteen nineties might peek through a clever designed gauze window while hiding behind the more opaque material of the mount. Another of special interest might be on old Chinese Mandarin fan, in which the sticks are pierced ivory, the guards carrying unusually small detailed charms. — San Jose Mercury News, 1938

Women of 18th C. Let Their Fans Do the Speaking

Ladies’ fan movements spoke a silent language of romance in the 18th century, conveying as many as 50 established entreaties and endearments. Covering the left ear with an open fan urged, “Do not betray our secret.” Twirling the fan in the left hand signaled, “We are being watched.” A British magazine of July 1711 said, “Women are armed with fans as men with swords, and sometimes do more executions with them.” — Desert Sun, 1983

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Blood Princess is Wed on Telly

The first televised British Royal wedding was Princess Margaret’s in 1960. As recently as the late 1930s though, ardent Royalists even argued against broadcasting Royal weddings over the radio as the etiquette had not yet been sorted... It was posited that some men might rudely listen irreverently with their hats on! — “Princess Margaret and her husband, Lord Snowdon, share a big smile as they dance at a charity ball in the London, Hilton Hotel. The ball was in aid for the Invalid Children’s Association, of which Princess Margaret is President.-1963”

Princess is Wed in Pomp, Popularity

LONDON (UPI) The Princess and the commoner were married today. Princess Margaret and Anthony Armstrong Jones were as nervous as any other couple, and the Queen Mother wept. And while the bells of London still were pealing their congratulations, the newlyweds sailed away for a tropical honeymoon. In late afternoon, the Royal yacht Britannia, spick and span from an overhauling, took the bride and bridegroom aboard and headed for the Caribbean. There was a family farewell in the graveled court of Buckingham Palace, to which the wedding party had returned after the ceremony at the Abbey. And hundreds of thousands of cheering Britons proved beyond doubt, they approved this marriage performed before Westminister Abbey’s great altar, even if most of Europe’s Royalty stayed home. 

Stricken once with stage fright, the little Princess stumbled over the lines “for better, for worse,” and had to repeat them again after the Archbishop of Canterbury. When she promised to love, cherish and obey the man of her choice, her voice barely was audible. Armstrong-Jones rubbed his thumbs together and nervously fingered his upper lip until the Duke of Edinburgh whispered to him and his serious face broke into a smile. 

Queen Is Serious 

As the Archbishop pronounced them married “in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Ghost,” a tear trickled down the face of the Queen Mother. Near the Queen Mother sat Queen Elizabeth, far more serious than usual. Once she heaved a deep sigh, and she smiled only twice. That was when Margaret curtsied to her before leaving the Abbey and when Prince Phillip called her attention to the eight little bridesmaids sitting primly on cushions in the aisle of the nave. A wedding day is supposed to belong to the bride. And this one did from the moment when she left Clarence House in the celebrated glass coach, to the time when a cheering crowd ol half a million roared its demand that the newlyweds appear on the balcony of Buckingham Palace.

Appear Before Crowd

“We want Margaret and Tony!” the thousands chanted. They appeared on the balcony then. Margaret, a tiny figure, waved, her right hand held high, Armstrong-Jones stood smilingly at her side, obviously amazed at this outburst of affection for the Princess who could have had Kings or Princes, but instead chose a boy from the middle-class neighborhood of Pimlico Road. It was a double triumph for Margaret whose wedding was spurned by most of the top echelon of European Royalty, amid whose happiness during the weeks of the engagement was clouded by gossip and inuendo. Prime Ministers of the British Commonwealth attended the wedding, as well as, former Prime Minister of Great Britain, Sir Winston Churchill. A great roar of cheers greeted him as he alighted from his car to enter the Abbey for the wedding. 

Two thousand guests were seated in the Abbey where television sets had been installed to assure that all could see. Never was a wedding watched and listened to by so many persons. In addition to the throngs along the curbstone of London, there was a 13-nation European television broadcast which may have been seen by as many as 350 million Another estimates 250 million listened to a radio broadcast. This was a marriage that ignored many Royal traditions. 

It was the first time a commoner had married a Princess of the ‘Blood Royal’ at the great altar which for 1000 years has been the crowning place of Britain's Kings. Near Queen Elizabeth sat the divorced parents of Armstrong-Jones: Another first for Royalty, which frowns on divorce. Not since Edward VIII abdicated for the love of Wallis Warfield Simpson, has there been so much whispering about a Royal romance. Among top-rank European Royalty, only Queen Ingrid of Denmark accepted the wedding invitation. — May 6, 1960

💍Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Royals Wed with Etiquette, Excitement

The fresh royal face that added a new dimension to the fascination with England’s Royal Family... Sarah Ferguson.

 ————

The first televised British royal wedding was Princess Margaret’s in 1960. As recently as the late 1930s though, ardent royalists even argued against broadcasting royal weddings over the radio as the etiquette had not yet been sorted... It was posited that some men might rudely listen irreverently with their hats on!

————

When the reporters managed to locate the Royal bride to be at a Caribbean hotel where she had gone for a secluded, pre-wedding vacation last month, she neutralized them by sending champagne to their table. They all immediately ceased snooping to write stories instead ... a combination of media hype, the inherent attraction of a royal romance and the emergence of the 26-year-old bride as an unusually receptive, fresh royal face has added a new dimension to this nation’s fascination with its Royal Family.

Photo source—Andrew and Sarah in Townsville, 1988, Queensland State Archives • CC BY 3.0 au

This sleepy farming village goes back 900 years, but no one who lives here doubts that Wednesday will be its greatest day— the day a local girl becomes a princess. A British Army parachute display team will drop into the village, 50 miles southwest of London, a brass band will march, television teams will film and, about the time that Ronald Ferguson’s daughter, Sarah, arrives at Westminster Abbey to marry Prince Andrew, most of Dummer’s 350 residents will be down at the Queen Inn enjoying one of the biggest feasts ever. “It’s started to get a bit crazy,” admitted John Holland, who owns the inn, the village’s only pub. “Americans here yesterday, Belgians tomorrow and then next week some Japanese. Still, it’s exciting to live a bit of history.”

Wedding Mania


Royal wedding mania may not be quite so intense elsewhere in Britain, but almost. No public holiday has been declared for the wedding, only a few heads of state are included on a comparatively modest guest list of 1,700— Prince Charles and Princess Diana had more than 2,000— and Westminster Abbey is smaller than St. Paul’s Cathedral, where Charles and Diana were married. But a combination of media hype, the inherent attraction of a royal romance and the emergence of the 26-year-old bride as an unusually receptive, fresh royal face has added a new dimension to this nation’s fascination with its Royal Family. “It’s helped keep the show going,” commented Robert Houston, editor of Royalty Monthly, a glossy pictorial magazine devoted exclusively to coverage of the Royal Family. That it has.

Daring Secrets

The country’s popular tabloid press, true to its style of packaging royalty as a real-life soap opera, has wallowed in the festivities, trumpeting endless “exclusives” about Ferguson’s innermost thoughts, revealing daring secrets of the wedding gift list and employing marriage counselors to mull over the couple’s compatibility.

The Daily Mirror recently joined in the spirit of the occasion by dressing its daily page-three pinups in wedding veils— and little else. The royal couple’s image smiles out from every conceivable piece of printed matter, from horoscope and crossword-puzzle magazine covers to specially issued 12- and 17-pence commemorative stamps. Last Thursday, Madame Tussaud’s wax museum installed a lifelike figure of Ferguson.

The new bride’s name —or nickname, “Fergie”— has been attached to perfume (Fergie— A Fragrance of Today), a cocktail (Fergie’s Fizz) and tours (the Fergie tour of London— including stops at her home, her office at an art publishing firm, her father’s office and Westminster Abbey). Agricultural machinery producer Massey Ferguson has even linked her name to a tractor ad that says: “I love my Fergie.”

Debrett’s, the London publisher of a reference book on etiquette for royal occasions, has established a telephone service for participants unsure of how to get through the royal events. Among the advice given to date: Men should leave swords at home, polish those parts of the soles of their shoes that don’t touch the ground and forget buttonhole flowers— the latter are only for ushers and families. “We’ve had about 30 calls a day, mainly on matters of dress,” noted one of the advisers, Charles Kidd. For those in the business of promoting royalty, the wedding has produced a boom in times that were already seen as plentiful.

Announcing their engagement in 1973 —Captain Mark Phillips, a confirmed bachelor, not only faced the daunting prospect of marriage when he fell in love with Princess Anne, but he knew he would also have to conform to some of the restricting etiquette rules of royalty. In an interview two days before their wedding, Phillips was asked whether he was warned about the responsibilities that devolve on those connected with, and marrying into, the royal family. Looking at Princess Anne, who sat at his side in Buckingham Palace during the interview, Phillips said: “Yes, I think she did try to explain.” The Princess added: "Of course, if you have lived in one way all your life, you cannot imagine anything different.” But, she added comfortingly, it could not be worse than the persistent attention they got from reporters and photographers when they were competing in horse shows and denying the fact they were so often together, meant there was a serious romance. 

Boon for Circulation

Editor Houston says Royalty Monthly’s pre-wedding issue has run to double its normal 30,000 circulation, and a post-wedding special edition is expected to sell three times the normal number. Another magazine devoted to Royal Family affairs, titled Majesty, hopes to sell 150,000 copies of its wedding issue, twice its normal circulation, plus an even larger number of a special wedding album. “For us, the wedding is especially wonderful,” said Ingrid Seward, Majesty editor. That such mania surrounds the marriage of someone fourth in line for succession— Andrew comes behind brother Charles and his two sons, William and Henry— reflects the unique link that still binds the British public to their Royal Family.

‘Mindful of Heritage’

“We’re a society mindful of its heritage,” commented Nigel Dempster, who, as the country’s best-known gossip columnist, devotes much of his efforts to revealing royal tidbits. “We’ve all lived together for a thousand years, and if a member of royalty marries, we all celebrate together.” But the fever extends far beyond Britain. Americans at a rate of two per minute are dialing overseas into brief recorded messages providing details of the present royal wedding and the history of previous ones. (The number: XXX-XX-XX-LOVE-XXX)

Britain’s tourist industry has latched onto the wedding to revive fortunes depressed by fears of terrorism and a weak dollar. The Berkeley Hotel, for example, has reported a brisk response for its $4,200 weeklong package featuring champagne lunch from a terrace overlooking the wedding procession route. The wedding will also be televised live to 32 countries and a global audience estimated at about 300 million, including, for the first time, viewers in China.

Titled Commentators

Four American television networks will transport their stars across the Atlantic and transmit the wedding live. Each has employed several, preferably titled, expert commentators to lend authority to its coverage. The networks will be able to use a remote-controlled camera placed above and in front of the couple, enabling viewers to see royal faces at the alter of the famous abbey.

Although wedding planners at Buckingham Palace initially argued that the actual exchange of vows was too intimate a moment to expose to the face-on camera, they agreed last week to permit its unrestricted use. Now producers have expressed worries that the Archbishop of Canterbury, Robert A.K. Runcie, who will officiate at the wedding, may block the camera’s view at the crucial moment. The decision to allow the face-on camera reflects the gradual easing of the restraints that once surrounded such grand occasions.

Listening With Hats On

The first televised royal wedding was Princess Margaret’s in 1960. As recently as the late 1930s, ardent royalists even argued against broadcasting royal weddings over radio because some men might listen irreverently with their hats on.

Exposure has brought popularity, affection and a curiosity that has spawned an insatiable appetite among Britons for news about the “Royals.” No detail about the royal wedding is too small to report, no morsel about the royal couple too insignificant to savor, no topic too small for discussion and controversy. Ferguson’s preference for the traditional wedding vows “to love, honor and obey,” instead of the “love, honor and cherish” promised by her good friend Diana, touched off a debate that extended into Parliament.

Labor Criticism

“If Fergie wanted to give a lead to modern women, this is not the way,” stated opposition Labor member of Parliament Clare Short. Conservative member Ann Winterton disagreed. “I vowed to obey my husband, and he thinks I do obey him,” she revealed. Predictably, news accounts quickly reported that waves of British brides-to-be were deciding to “obey” rather than “cherish.”

Speculation about the style of Ferguson’s wedding dress has also bordered on a national pastime, with rumors about how she plans to disguise hips that the tabloid press has unkindly reported at up to 42 inches. The Mail on Sunday predicted a beaded dress with a bustle at the back, while competitor News of the World claimed that the dress will sport a large bow.

New Trend Expected

Chelsea designer Lindka Cierach, who is making the dress, predicts nothing except that it will set a trend. With the likes of garment manufacturer Sidney Ellis around, that projection seems safe. Ellis is poised to copy Ferguson’s dress and have it in the display windows of Debenham’s, a London department store, within hours of the wedding. He already has 20 orders, sight unseen, for the dress, which he estimates will cost a maximum of $1,400. Copies of Princess Diana’s wedding dress are still selling five years after her wedding, he said.

Midweek Wedding

Wednesday’s wedding has also proven an ideal excuse for Britain’s tabloids to review past sexual exploits of the prince they nicknamed “Randy Andy.” The Daily Mirror recently draped a semi-nude photograph of American soft-porn actress Koo Stark over several columns to help illustrate an article on Andrew headlined, “Farewell My Lovelies.” Stark was widely reported to have been one of the prince’s girlfriends. “I think the palace is very relieved to have him married off,” commented Houston.

But the bulk of media coverage has focused on the bride as the new royal face.
Quickly dubbed “Fergie” by the British press, Ferguson has so far handled the pressure of constant, intense media coverage with an ease that has won admiration even from veteran royals watchers.

Relaxed, Uninhibited

“There hasn’t been a (royal) bride more relaxed and uninhibited,” stated Godfrey Talbot, who was the British Broadcasting Corp.'s court correspondent for more than four decades before his recent retirement. “She a nice girl who’s given a lot of hope to other girls with red hair and freckles,” said Dempster. Many believe her relative maturity and extensive travel have given her a confidence and ability to deal with pressure that Diana, as a 19-year-old bride, lacked. Although a commoner, she has frequently mingled with royalty because her father, a former cavalry officer, works as Prince Charles’ polo manager.

Unruffled by Critics

She has remained unruffled in the face of biting criticism from fashion commentators complaining of her lack of taste in clothes, ruminating how best she should hide a figure that the more discreet refer to as “Rubenesque,” and by comments about her divorced mother’s husband. He is an Argentine polo player referred to in the press as “The Awkward Guest” because of Britain’s lack of diplomatic ties with Argentina since the two countries went to war over the Falkland Islands in 1982.

Whereas Diana broke into tears after constant press hounding, Ferguson has managed to charm the so-called “rat-pack” of tabloid reporters into submission. When the reporters managed to locate Ferguson at a Caribbean hotel where she had gone for a secluded, pre-wedding vacation last month, she neutralized them by sending champagne to their table. They all immediately ceased snooping to write stories instead about their “exclusive” champagne encounter with the future princess. Despite the clamor for news about the royal bride-to-be, the British media have so far failed to sensationalize stories about Ferguson’s previous loves.

Affairs Mentioned

Her affairs with racing driver manager Paddy McNally and businessman Kim Smith-Bingham are occasionally mentioned in passing, but rarely in a negative context. “Today’s 26-year-old with two serious past boyfriends is the virgin of 1947, the year the Queen married,” the London Observer, a Sunday newspaper, commented. Some argue that the subject is too sensitive even for scandal-thirsty British tabloids, but others claim that the tabloids have simply been unable to persuade the two men to discuss their relationships with the future princess. “Believe me,” said Majesty editor Seward, “if they could, they’d love nothing better than to print every detail of those stories.” — By Tyler Marshall, Times Staff Writer, Dummer England, July 1986

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

19th C. Chinese Courtship Etiquette

A drawing depicting bride-to-be, Ah Leen – “The bridegroom-elect may see his future bride, he may even converse with her from opposite sides of the room, but the proprieties would be completely outraged if the betrothed couple were to shake hands. Two or three times a week the fiance makes a call of from five to ten minutes duration, and if he is desperately enamored, he never goes empty handed. Sausages are a gift that is highly appreciated, and Chinese vegetables are also much esteemed. Fruit is frequently brought to the engaged ladies, both in the Presbyterian and the Methodist missions, but it would outrage Mongolian etiquette to bestow candy.”

The Romance of Ah Leen –How a Chinese Girl Can Be Made Love To at the Missions 

Presents of Jewelry Are Frequently Given, but Sausages Are Not Scorned

Many and unexpected are the ways by which sinners are sometimes led into the fold, and the approaching marriage of Ah Leen furnishes an instance of this. Ah Leen is a good little girl who lives in the Presbyterian mission, away from the pomps and vanities of this wicked world. Every Sunday, however, she goes religiously to church along with the other girls who have been rescued by the kindhearted ladies of the Occidental Board. The passing of this procession is an opportunity eagerly seized by the eligible bachelors of Chinatown, who turn out en masse and line the sidewalks along the route, each good one cherishing the intention of asking Miss Culbertson for the hand of the girl who strikes his fancy most. 

As for the wicked, they know that it is useless to apply. Now, one gay and sprightly bachelor was particularly struck a couple of months ago by the beauty of Ah Leen. He watched the procession pass with eyes only for her, and when she had entered the sacred edifice, instead of resigning himself to go home, he made a mighty effort to overcome the prejudices of early education and followed her into the church. From that date a change has come over the bachelor. He no longer burns punk at the shrines of his countrymen, nor does he dissipate money in having his fortune told; in fact, he has become in every way worthy of Ah Leen, to whom he is soon to be united. During the present strained condition of things in Chinatown, however, he shrinks from the notoriety of having his changed condition commented on by his friends and foes.

Courtship, as it is understood in Chinese circles, is a somewhat tame and practical affair. There is a regular routine at the mission, in which a compromise is made between American and Chinese customs. The bridegroom-elect may see his future bride, he may even converse with her from opposite sides of the room, but the proprieties would be completely outraged if the betrothed couple were to shake hands. Two or three times a week the fiance makes a call of from five to ten minutes duration, and if he is desperately enamored, he never goes empty handed. Sausages are a gift that is highly appreciated, and Chinese vegetables are also much esteemed. Fruit is frequently brought to the engaged ladies, both in the Presbyterian and the Methodist missions, but it would outrage Mongolian etiquette to bestow candy.

The love-making is generally monosyllabic on the part, of the young lady, and even the man finds his gift of conversation languish. At the Presbyterian mission a charming young Chinese girl named Ah Cheng, a professional interpreter, satisfies etiquette by being present during all the interviews. Many Chinese merchants have offered to lay their hands and heart at Ah Cheng's feet, but she has seen so much of love-making as an onlooker that she refuses to go through the ordeal of entertaining a fiance on her own account. Even the touching romance of Ah Leen has not inclined the little interpreter to follow her example. – The San Francisco Call, 1895

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J.Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Edwardian Valentine Etiquette

The comic Valentine, when the joke is kind is all right, but when one is sent that which is insulting and personal, it goes against the spirit of the day. 

Valentines Not Out of Date 

“IN place of going out of date, Valentines are gaining in popularity,” said a manufacturer of these conceits. “We don't like to make any show of sentiment in this practical age, so the old-fashioned, foolishly sweet affairs are not used. No longer may the too bashful swain get behind good St. Valentine to make a declaration of love.”

Neither is it good form to make it a spite day. The comic Valentine, when the joke is kind is all right, but when one is sent that which is insulting and personal, it goes against the spirit of the day. The once popular lace-trimmed Valentines are a thing of the past. Children have taken possession of these. The lover now sends his lady fair an offering of flowers, bonbons, fruit, a book, a picture or any dainty holiday gift. Where an engagement exists, often a piece of jewelry is sent.

It is considered better taste not to put any card on Valentine gifts. The identity of the sender should be shrouded in doubt. This adds piquancy to the occasion. Of course, the woman in the case is usually a good guesser. There is only one time-honored way to send any card or comic Valentine and that is to have it slipped under the door on St. Valentine eve. 

It must not under any circumstances be intrusted to Uncle Sam and have the prosaic adornment of a postage stamp unless the sender lives at a distance. Then it is pardonable because unavoidable, but a part of the flavor is lost when it has to come through such a channel. 

Even flowers and candy are left on the doorstep by a messenger boy, who runs away in the friendly darkness and watches from a distance to see that the offering is taken in. 

The etiquette of Valentines decrees that no woman shall make a present to even her dearest female friend on this day, nor must a man give anything to another man. 

This etiquette does not apply to comic Valentines, but to presents of any description. It is a day sacred to lovers, and no one else must trespass on their privileges. Neither does a woman remember a man friend with even the most trifling souvenir. There is no hint of Leap Year prerogatives in this old-fashioned day.— San Francisco Call, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age St. Valentine's Etiquette

She Juggles Hearts and Money Bags ~ Today you see the shops decked out with pretty tokens, satin trifles and all sorts of sweet-smelling gifts. There are verse books written also for the day, and the windows are filled with trifles, costly and otherwise. The etiquette of a Saint Valentine gift has changed somewhat in the last 1000 years.

From the time the custom of observing Saint Valentine's day began, it has grown, and now this gift day is almost a holiday. It is celebrated in the social world by gatherings and in the trade world by a great variety of pretty tokens, offered for personal gifts. And so Saint Valentine is not forgotten, though so many hundred years have passed since his death. 

It would be impossible to tell how the custom of honoring Saint Valentine will change in the next hundred years. Today you see the shops decked out with pretty tokens, satin trifles and all sorts of sweet-smelling gifts. There are verse books written also for the day, and the windows are filled with trifles, costly and otherwise. The etiquette of a Saint Valentine gift has changed somewhat in the last 1000 years. 

At the beginning of the ninth century a Valentine was a proposal of marriage, and consisted of a herd of cattle for the very wealthy swain and a slain sheep for the poor one. Lovers in the warm countries sent gifts of wine, and in the orient they sent perfumes, for there is no country to which the fame of Saint Valentine has not traveled. 

The most popular gift today is a figure picture. There is no handsomer token that a box upon which a pretty girl stands, with arms out stretched, juggling hearts and money bags. In looking upon her Valentine's gifts, the maiden of Valentine's day, 1898, cannot do better than pick a moral from the fame of Saint Valentine. He chose love as his theme, and lives forever in the heart, while unworthy Croesus and his wealthy Roman associates, who looked upon gold, not wisely but too greedily, are held afar off as objects of scorn. —Harry Germaine, 1898

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Handkerchiefs

The romance of the handkerchief embraces the etiquette of it. A girl may take her kerchief off her throat and wave it at the incoming guest. She may lightly toss a signal with it at departing friends. She may, if on the water, wig-wag with it and she may follow the the fashion of the country in the manner of manipulating it, in code style. 

The Lady and Her Handkerchief

There is a romance about the handkerchief. Efforts have been made to introduce the black handkerchief, and the one made of blue and white stripes, and the handkerchief that is all bright red or all deep green. But these have failed and the delicate thing of white, linen in the middle and lace around the edge, is the only one permissible for nice occasions. 

The romance of the handkerchief embraces the etiquette of it. A girl may take her kerchief off her throat and wave it at the incoming guest. She may lightly toss a signal with it at departing friends. She may, if on the water, wig-wag with it and she may follow the the fashion of the country in the manner of manipulating it, in code style. 

But when she comes indoors the etiquette of the handkerchief changes. And no article, not even the fan, is as rigidly ruled as the handkerchief. And very susceptible to treatment is the little lacy square. It can be made to denote a great deal or nothing at all. It was at one time thought not very good form to show the handkerchief at all, for it was regarded as an article of toilet, not of display. But this argument proved utterly futile in the face of the exquisite little lace creations that were offered, and woman, in her vanity and in her love of the beautiful, decided that it was far too effective a weapon to be so hidden. 

Moreover, the handkerchief offered something for the hands to do, so woman argued. And when she laid it away she lost one of the most attractive little features of her dress and of frivolity. The handkerchief, the fan and the little wrist bag are all very much a part of the society woman. To handle them well is a triumph of culture and breeding. 

Do Not Abuse the Handkerchief

While liberty is given in the handling of the pocket handkerchief, one must be wary of its abuse. Never on any account take it and tuck it in the front of the gown. You would not handle any other article in this way; then why the handkerchief! In a day's search you would never see a lady unbutton her dress and thrust a purse in her bosom, or a pair of gloves. Then, why should she do so with the unoffending handkerchief?

• Do not carry in the parlor a vivid handkerchief. Do not carry in the evening one that is loudly lettered with a colored initial. 
• Do not carry, a handkerchief that suggests a sheet, and do not carry one that looks like, a rag. 
• Never, on any consideration put the handkerchief into the mouth. 
• Chewing the end of it is very bad form, yet you do sometimes see ladies do it. 
• Do not bite or tear at the handkerchief. 
• Do not mop the mouth with it. 
• Of course, never rub the forehead and head with it. 
• And do not wipe the hands on it.

You can, if so please you, delicately touch the lips with its lacy edge and one may sniff it ever so lightly, to get its sweetness. But it must not be put to utilitarian uses, for the parlor handkerchief is an ornament, not a thing for use. To blow the nose with enthusiasm is exquisitely bad form. 

Do not flirt with the handkerchief. This is not good. It must not be tossed in the hand, nor flourished in the parlor. The handkerchief can match the lacy trimmings of the gown and then it is a thing to be tucked in the belt, the sleeve or even In the finger ring, for there are rings built for this. 

If necessary to shed a few tears, the handkerchief can be used to lightly dry the tear drop. It is bad form to weep with abandon in the handkerchief; the emotions must be controlled into picturesqueness. Don't treat the handkerchief as though it were a weapon. Don't play hide and seek with it. Don't let it drop to the floor. 

Don't lay it down upon the table or chair. Don't stuff it into your collar. Don't wind it between your fingers. And don't, of course, carry a handkerchief that is not delicately pristine in its beauty. 

What She Can Do With It

The handkerchief abused is a thing of hissing and a byword. But treated poetically, it becomes a thing of romance, as suggestive in its attractive possibilities as the fan, and one that offers as good a weapon for woman's art.

Let the handkerchief rest in the lap, use it for the fingers, lift it if so please you, but let it not be treated outlandishly. Few women understand the etiquette of pocket handkerchief. But all ladies do. It's treatment may be a matter of instinct, but more often, it is one of studiously acquired art.

The making of a handkerchief, its embroidering and its hemstitching is a thing that is dainty in the extreme, and the belles of these days are embroidering the monograms under the light of the parlor lamp, to the admiring looks of the masculine caller. 

The lady and the pocket handkerchief figure largely in the romantic annals of the world's history; and the tear shed at the right time, the whiff of rose, the manipulation so as to display the taper fingers, all assist in the work of love-making for which the world was created. The real lady will never tie articles in the corner of her handkerchief, nor will she use it as a mop or a duster. On the contrary, she will treat it as the most treasured bit of bric-a-brac in her possession. —San Francisco Call, 1902

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Polite Love and Secret Love

Empress Augusta clearly abhorred war. In 1864, she founded the National Women's Association, which looked after wounded and ill soldiers and she convened with Florence Nightingale for ideas. From the Empress' initiative, several hospital foundations still exist today, including the German Society For Surgery.

Romance of an Ex-Empress:

The Story of an Affair Remembered by Only a Few People

A Berlin letter has the following romance about the recently deceased Empress Augusta of Germany: A member of the suite of one of the best known among our Princes tells a romantic story concerning the dead Empress Augusta, and it is believed that it has never before been given to the public.

Augusta was a Princess in the petty Court of Weimar, where she was hedged about with all the straitlaced etiquette the small German principalities affected. When she was seventeen she was a romantic girl and had learned by heart the stories of the previous half century's gallantries at the Court of Louis XIV, and so well had she read that she was prepared to fall in love with any man who might first appeal to her sense of beauty; but the rigid surveillance of her Ducal father and mother made male acquaintances almost impossible. 

Before this romantic spirit had lived long enough to die, a young French noble scion of a more or less long lineage stopped at the Court Weimar in the progress of a pleasure jaunt from Auvergne. He remained for some weeks at this place and became a favorite of the Duke. He was accomplished, handsome, and a daredevil. At a Court ball, shortly following his arrival, the Frenchman met the Princess. They were permitted to become partners and indulged in mutual love at first night. 

This love soon developed into indiscretion, which took the form of secret meetings in the palace grounds. The only people aware of these trysts were the maid and valet of the principals who served as the medium through which the correspondence was carried on, and the meetings arranged. 

The maid, whether through carelessness or spite, lost one of the letters intrusted to her, and it was picked up by the Duchess, mother of Augusta, before the maid could recover it. The letter was passionate and eloquent, burning with the love song of the smitten Parisian, and filled with all those pretty words that came in with the Grand Monarch. 

This was all very well, for the two were young, but it led up to the suggestion of an elopement. It implored flight, and pictured the ideal life of love on the pastoral lands of the new America. The Duke and Duchess were consumed with rage at this discovery, and poured their indignation in unstinted volume. So high did feeling run in Court that the Ducal Chamberlain challenged the Frenchman to a duel, and the lover fell, mortally wounded. 

As he fell the Frenchman tore open his tunic, and there, pressed against his heart, was a handkerchief belonging to the Princess. Toward it his hand feebly moved, and he died at the moment he had seized the lace and was struggling to carry it to his lips. The Duchess was so affected by the incident that she silently placed the handkerchief on the breast of the young man as he lay in the coffin, and it was buried with him. His body was covered with roses, strewn upon him by the devoted Augusta, and she, from swoons and sobs, became hysterical and almost crazed. 

For weeks, the Princess sobbed about the palace, until her parents were convinced that her sorrow must have some relief or she would become insane. They suggested a marriage with Prince William of Prussia. and the Princess gave her indifferent consent, careless and thoughtless of what might become of her. 

With William it was a matter of equal unimportance, for he had first been crossed in a love affair, and he was heartbroken as well. There was no misunderstanding between them on the subject of their marriage. It was an affair exclusively of the parents and of an obedient but disconsolate youth and maiden. 

During their lifetimes, the Emperor William and the Empress Augusta maintained toward each other a most perfect and severe politeness. They were friends, they respected each other, but that was all. They were not lovers, and they could not tear from their hearts the memories of their early love and their early disappointment. 

The Empress always preferred French books, ideas, dress, and sentiment, and it was her favorite language. The influence of that unhappy loss remained with her until the last moment, and she doubtless carried the sweet regrets to the grave. Years have effaced remembrance of the affair, and it is safe to say that less than a dozen great personages know of it to-day. —The Marin Journal, 1890

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Lovers' Tech Skirt's Etiquette

How the newest technological marvel aided in elminating the Spanish royal court etiquette of the era, and romance flourished...

The modern, 19th century technology allowed a Spanish King to get the better of the traditional and implacable etiquette of a court where he couldn't get an egg boiled without 6 successive messengers and 10 pairs of hands.

The Telephone for Love Making

“The King,” writes a correspondent from Madrid, “spends with his bride all the time allowed him by etiquette and public affairs. He hastens to Aranjuez, where she is staying, and during the journey the royal Leander will sometimes look out at the carriage window to see on the horizon the bare trees under which Philip II conspired against the conscience of the world.”

When he returns from Aranjuez, his impatience leads him to a part of the palace where modern science has placed its latest discovery at the service of the royal lover, and annihilates the space which for two days longer separates him from his bride. A telephone, in fact, has been fitted up, connecting one of the King’s rooms with that of Princess Mercedes, and enabling them to converse together, free from indiscreet eyes and ears.

Strange to think that the telephone should thus get the better of the traditional and implacable etiquette of a court where the King cannot get an egg boiled without 6 successive messengers and 10 pairs of hands. Yet more strange is a love so rarely found in the loftiest stations, and which could only spring up and gain strength because two hearts met in the solitude of exile, far from the factitious pomp of courtly constraint. — The Daily Alta, 1878

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

French Court Etiquette and Romance

Her air is as noble as her birth. Her hair is of a bright chestnut hue, and her complexion rivals that of the gayest flowers. The snowy whiteness of her skin betrays the lines from which she sprang. 

Incidents in the Lives of World-Famous Women

How the Princess Henriette of England Just Missed Being Queen of France

Among the fair women who made the court of Louis XIV famous for brilliancy and beauty, there were none lovelier than Henriette, Duchess d’Orleane. She was the daughter of Charles I of England and Henrietta Maria, and the wife of Philllppe, “the little Monsieur,” the King’s brother. 

When misfortune descended upon the royal house of Stuart the Princess Henriette was smuggled into France disguised as a vagabond in a ragged suit of boy’s clothes. She was restored to her mother, and although the exiled Queen was supremely happy to have her little daughter safe under her care, she was often driven to despair by their extreme poverty. The little girl was many times forced to spend the day in bed because there was no fuel to burn. 

Anne of Austria, the Queen-mother, supplied the English exiles with clothes and money, and, later on, invited them to the French court. As the little Henriette approached young womanhood she gave promise of becoming very beautiful. 

She is described in the following words by a contemporary: “Her air is as noble as her birth. Her hair is of a bright chestnut hue, and her complexion rivals that of the gayest flowers. The snowy whiteness of her skin betrays the lines from which she sprang. Her eyes are blue and brilliant, her lips ruddy, her throat beautiful, her arms and hands well made. Her charms show that she was born on a throne and is destined to return there.” 

She made her first public appearance at a ball given by Anne of Austria at the Louvre. When the gentlemen chose their partners for the opening dance the handsome young Louis of France offered his hand to the Princess of Mercoeur. The Queen-mother sternly rebuked him for this breach of etiquette, saying, “You must dance first with the Princess Henriette of England.’’ Queen Henrietta Maria saw that the King was not pleased with this interference, and sought to mend matters by answering: “My daughter has hurt her foot and therefore cannot dance.” 

But Anne of Austria was determined that her son should obey the laws of Court etiquette and insisted. “Then Henriette and Louis shall sit out the dance together.” From that moment Louis formed a dislike for his cousin, blasting the fond hopes of the two Queens that he would ask Henriette to share his throne. — By Eloise Farrington, March 1917

👑Etiquette Enthusiast Maura J Graber is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia