Gilded Age Boors and Spoons

“Whenever it is possible, a fork must be used in place of a spoon, and that same spoon, by the by, must never be left in a coffee or tea cup, but laid to rest politely and securely in the saucer.” – Ruth Ashmore  
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Ever since forks were paired with knives, forks have been designated as the ONLY implement or utensil to use for dining, while the use of spoons at the dining table has been relegated to just breakfast cereals, soups, chili, some plain ice creams and other types of liquid or semi-liquid foods served in bowls, along with tea, chocolate and coffee.  This is a common rule many in the etiquette community either tend to ignore, or simply do not teach, though it has been the rule for nearly 2 centuries. After all, spoons enabled those who could not pace themselves through a meal and wound up suffering from dyspeptic stomachs. One gilded age author, Ruth Ashmore, explained the basics of dining etiquette on a regular basis to young women across the United States and abroad.
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There is no such thing as a “dinner spoon,” though tableware companies have been trying to promote one for years now, A spoon’s function and use at a dining table is very limited and it is good to remember that fact. It may be the reason that during the latter part of the 1800’s, so many spoons became forks by way of patented designs for new utensils. Ice cream spoons became ice cream forks, terrapin soup spoons became terrapin forks, and so on. No rules were broken that way.

As a people, we Americans have been laughed at for eating too fast, and we are credited as being a nation of dyspeptics, writes Ruth Ashmore in her interesting department, “Side Talks with Girls,” in the Ladies Home Journal. Now, of course, this is generalizing, but you, the eldest daughter, have it in your power to make the boor at the dinner or tea-table one of real delight, it is an easy matter, one you will find, to start some pleasant conversation to get your father and brother interested in the talk of the day, so that you will eat your food more slowly, and you will achieve what the Frenchmen consider the great art—you will dine, not merely feed yourself.

But there are a few little questions about table etiquette of the table that some girl wants to know, and these I am going to tell her. She must hold her knife by its handle, and never let her fingers reach up to its blade. Whenever it is possible, a fork must be used in place of a spoon, and that same spoon, by the by, must never be left in a coffee or tea cup, but laid to rest politely and securely in the saucer.

Glasses with handles are held by them. A goblet should be caught by the stem, the fingers not entwining the bowl part. Don't butter a large piece of bread and take bites from it; instead, break your bread in small pieces, one at a time. Butter it, that is, if you are eating butter, and convey it to your mouth by your fingers.

Olives, celery, radishes, strawberries with stems, and asparagus are all eaten from the fingers. The old method of eating cheese with a knife has been given up, with a fork being used in its place. The use of many small dishes for vegetables is not in good taste: indeed, many vegetables should not be served at one time.—From The Ladies Home Journal, as posted in the Sacramento Daily Union, 1892

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Fashions in Sleeves

“… the sleeves show a decided tendency to “grow bigger downward,” like Holmes’ strawberries.” 

The Newest Sleeves

The shoulder seams are longer, giving the sloping effect to the shoulders which is a distinctive characteristic of the Victorian style, and the sleeves show a decided tendency to “grow bigger downward,” like Holmes’ strawberries. The New York Times, which illustrates some of the newer sleeves, says: 

“The small puff or the epaulet of ruffles or loosely looped bows which ornament the spring gowns is only the last reluctant compromise on the part of fashion to the woman to whom the radical tendency in sleeves seems to leave them almost embarrassingly bare.” -Ruth Ashmore in Ladies' Home Journal, 1897

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Gilded Age Etiquette for Everyday

When a lady is out with a gentleman, either walking or driving, it is her privilege to suggest the time to return.

A lady should thank a gentleman for any courtesy shown her, no matter how slight it may be.

If the only guest at the family dinner table is a gentleman, he should not be served until all the ladies of the family have been attended to.

Writing on the first, then on the third, then crosswise on the second and fourth pages of a letter facilities the reading and is in perfectly good form.

When a lady is out with a gentleman, either walking or driving, it is her privilege to suggest the time to return.

When a lady is walking with two gentlemen, she may with propriety have one on either side of her.

When entertaining a friend, it is quite proper to ask all the members of one's social world to call upon her.

When someone expresses pleasure at meeting you, a smile and a bow are sufficient acknowledgment.– Ruth Ashmore in Ladies' Home Journal, 1897

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

W. C. Green's Etiquette Dictionary

Walter Cox Green’s 1904, “A Dictionary of Etiquette” is just one of many books he authored on the subject of manners and polite society, during the Victorian and Edwardian eras.

Ruth Ashmore codified might be a term expressive enough and comprehensive enough to characterize “A Dictionary of Etiquette,” W. C. Green's red book on social good form. All “Talks to Girls” and “Ready Helps to the Helpless” of all the ladies' magazines of these fifteen years passed are herein incorporated in ready reference for the use of those who would know the intricacies of polite society. 

“CANE”: A cane is the correct thing for a man when walking, except when engaged in business. It should be held a few inches below the knob, ferrule down, and should, like umbrellas, be carried vertically.

“REPORTERS”: If such is the wish of the family of the bride the best man attends to the reporters (at weddings) and furnishes them with the name of the groom, bride, relatives, friends, descriptions of gowns and other suitable things to know. 

These are good things to know. No household is complete without “A Dictionary on Etiquette.” (Brentano's, New York; price 1.25)

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber,I is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

 

"Ruth Ashmore," was the brainchild of Edward Bok, or the Ladies Home Journal. It was also the "nom de plume" of writer, Isabel A. Mallon (1857 - 1898), who also wrote under that name. After Bok had taken over the Ladies Home Journal in 1889, he sought a motherly columnist who could provide useful advice to young girls. Unable to find one, he wrote a sample of "Side Talk with Girls" under the name "Ruth Ashmead" to demonstrate exactly what he was looking for in a column.

After he mislaid the draft copy, his staff read it and convinced him to run it in the magazine, as it was the "best stuff for girls they have ever read." After the first column appeared, Ashmead was soon changed to Ashmore, and in January 1890, hundreds of letters poured in to "Ruth Ashmore." Bok convinced Isabel Mallon to take over the popular column, and she later went on to write two books for girls and young women.

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Table Etiquette and "Ruth Ashmore"

Lucky young girls were raised by parents, and governesses, who could afford “youth-sized” flatware for which to practice good table manners. This size was also used for dining at tea-time. Those who were not as lucky, were thrilled to read popular etiquette columns by the likes of numerous “agony aunts,”  writing under popular pen-names in the 1890’s.

Table Etiquette for the “eldest daughter” from the 1892 Ladies Home Journal

As a people, we Americans have been laughed at for eating too fast, and we are credited as being a nation of dyspeptics, writes Ruth Ashmore in her interesting department, "Side Talks with Girls," in the Ladies Home Journal. Now, of course, this is generalizing, but you, the eldest daughter, have it in your power to make the boar at the dinner or tea-table one of real delight, it is an easy matter, one you will find, to start some pleasant conversation to get your father and brother interested in the talk of the day, so that you will eat your food more slowly, and you will achieve what the Frenchmen consider the great art—you will dine, not merely feed yourself.

But there are a few little questions about table etiquette of the table that some girl wants to know, and these I am going to tell her. She must hold her knife by its handle, and never let her fingers reach up to its blade. Whenever it is possible, a fork must be used in place of a spoon, and that same spoon, by the by, must never be left in a coffee or tea cup, but laid to rest politely and securely in the saucer.

Antique sterling, individual cheese fork 

Glasses with handles are held by them. A goblet should be caught by the stem, the fingers not entwining the bowl part. Don't butter a large piece of bread and take bites from it; instead, break your bread in small pieces, one at a time. Butter it, that is, if you are eating butter, and convey it to your mouth by your fingers.

Olives, celery, radishes, strawberries with stems, and asparagus are all eaten from the fingers. The old method of eating cheese with a knife has been given up, with a fork being used in its place. The use of many small dishes for vegetables is not in good taste: indeed, many vegetables should not be served at one time.—From The Ladies Home Journal, as posted in the Sacramento Daily Union, 1892

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia