African Wedding Customs in Vogue

“Couples usually incorporate customs from various parts of the African continent, Onuorah said. The choice of what traditions to include is up to the couple and reflects their personal styles...”
— Photo source, Pinterest

Since the 1990’s, more African-Americans have been choosing traditional rituals and ethnic weddings, as an expression of their heritage.

African-American brides are abandoning something old, new, borrowed and blue for splashes of color, lavish detail, rich fabric and ornate embroidery.

Clothing is just part of a trend toward traditional African weddings among black couples who want to celebrate their racial pride and return to their heritage.

“We both studied black history in college and that was the deciding factor,” said Maisah Hill, a bride-to-be from Los Angeles. “We wanted to have a traditional African wedding to incorporate the things we learned about our heritage and our roots.”

“Although no one is keeping numbers, African weddings are definitely growing in popularity,” said Russell Adams, chairman of the African-American Studies Department at Howard University. “For some, it’s regarded as chic and fashionable. For others, it’s the culturally politically correct thing to do.”

Other ethnic groups in America have long reflected their heritage in their ceremonies. But there are several reasons why Western-style weddings remain the norm, said Dr. Erylene Piper-Mandy of the UC Riverside.

“There are numerous books out there— by Emily Post, Judith Martin and others— that will tell you about wedding etiquette; what you should do, what you should wear and who sits where,” said Piper-Mandy, who specializes in cultural anthropology and African-American studies.

“But for those couples who have traditional African weddings as an extension of what they believe, they will take the time to research and find alternative sources of information about their own customs.”

Piper-Mandy said African-Americans, unlike other ethnic groups, haven’t had as many traditional wedding ceremonies because few people were aware of the customs.

“The single most important reason why African-Americans have not followed their own traditional practice is because during slavery African-Americans were highly discouraged and even forbidden to practice African rituals,” she said.

The cost of a traditional African ceremony can be significantly less than a Western wedding. The primary savings is on the Victorian-style wedding gown, which can range from several hundred dollars to a few thousand dollars.

Instead of a white satin gown, flowing train and matching veil, an African-American bride might choose a four-piece gold brocade dress, draped around her body and accented with a flared head wrap. The gown can be bought or made for less than one would assume.

But as with any style of wedding, the costs can increase sharply depending on the number of guests and how elaborate the celebration. And an African wedding usually takes extensive--if not expensive--preparation.

Ancient customs varied, depending on tribal affiliation, religion and geography. Some customs were almost universal, however.

African ceremonies stressed that two families were being joined, not just two individuals. Other common customs: formally requesting permission from family elders and other relatives; pouring libations or paying respects to ancestors who have passed away; a bride price paid to her parents by the groom and lengthy celebrations and feasting after the ceremony.

Many rituals involved tasting honey and kola nuts to symbolize the sweet and bitter times; involving both families in the wedding processional, and using a drum and elaborately dressed dancers to mark the couple’s arrival or departure.

Planning a traditional African wedding is similar to a Western ceremony because the couple still may have attendants, receive gifts and even use a bridal registry service.

Most African-Americans can’t trace their family tree far enough to determine the specific tribe or ethnicity of their African forefathers, said Pat Onuorah, a Nigerian-born woman who sells authentic African attire.

Therefore, couples usually incorporate customs from various parts of the African continent, Onuorah said. The choice of what traditions to include is up to the couple and reflects their personal styles, she said.

“The important thing is not whether a particular practice comes from Nigeria or Senegal, from Zimbabwe or Egypt, but this it comes from Africa,” she said.

“That’s what shows that we recognize and appreciate our heritage.” — Published in the Los Angeles Times, 1992

Editor’s Note: The writer Lynnette Khalfani spent seven months planning her own traditional African wedding.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette Knows No Color

A "blast from the past," when attendees dressed for all sporting matches, not just for once a year, Kentucky Derby-type sporting events.

Troubling Notions

After a very brief exchange with a woman, when I stated how improper behavior and the lack of proper manners is hurtful to people wanting to advance and improve their lives, I was left troubled. Her response to me was, “You can’t impose middle class values on the ghetto!” She clearly did not understand that proper behavior has nothing to do with race or one's financial status, but more with the respect we show to each other and to ourselves.

It's disconcerting that a great number of people in the African-American community seem to view any type of proper behavior as “selling out” or “acting white.” It's as if carrying oneself respectfully will erase their “identity” from existence. Many also seem to want to disconnect from any type of proper behavior or etiquette with the notion that it has nothing to do with them, when in reality, it has plenty to do with them.

Etiquette's Surprising History

In my research on the practices involved with training etiquette, I uncovered a tidbit of interesting history written by Judith Martin, the author known as “Miss Manners." When it came to teaching manners to the children of wealthy Southern plantation owners, the job was that of the household slaves. According to Miss Manners:

“The plantation owners thought they were being English country gentlemen, but who was teaching etiquette to their children? The house slaves. The house slaves often came from a more elevated background than the masters. They were chosen among the slaves as the people who were more refined. They had been captured and brought over from Africa, whereas, of course, voluntary immigrants came because things weren’t so great at home. 

The house slave, usually the mammy, taught manners to the children. So she taught them the manners she knew. The “y’all come see me” kind of hospitality is an African tradition that they brought over.”

The way I see it, proper manners and respectful behavior are not our shame, they are our birthright! Sadly while these women and men who were teaching their master's children proper manners, it was a valuable education they could not pass on to their children lest they be accused of being “uppity” and it could have cost them dearly. But what about today? Why do many still shy away from it seeing it as something “they do," but not  something “we do," when we have had a family of color, an African-American "First Family," residing for these past several years in the White House?

After slavery, many blacks sought to better their fortunes by taking advantage of the opportunities to become educated and to learn the proper usage of the social graces of their day to fit in. The racism that banned them from being educated in white institutions did not stop them from educating themselves and setting up their own schools and implementing the social graces practiced at that time. These practices continued into the 20th century, when blacks enjoyed their own social dinners, dances and cotillions. 

Maxine Powell, Motown’s, "Artist Development Coach," taught The Temptations, The Supremes and all the other famous Motown acts, the finer points of charm, etiquette and social graces. This training was just as important to their successes, as their ability to sing and, in many social situations of the early 1960s, even more important.

Other Cultures Understand

People of other cultures who are advancing, and prospering on a global level, understand that if they want to interact with people and expand their influence, they have to refine their manners and social behavior.

Dr. Charlotte Hawkins Brown, the founder of Palmer Memorial Institute and author of the 1940’s social graces handbook for African Americans, “The Correct Thing to Do, to Say, to Wear," had this to say 72 years ago during a live radio broadcast:

“After all, the success of the American Negro depends upon his contacts with other races who, through the years, have had greater advantages of learning the proper approach to life and its problems. The little courtesies, the gentle voice, correct grooming, a knowledge of when to sit, when to stand; how to open and close a door; the correct attitude toward persons in authority; good manners in public places, such as railroad stations, moving picture houses, and other places where we are constantly under observation—the acquisition of these graces will go a long way in securing that recognition of ability needed to cope with human society, and will remove some of the commonest objections to our presence in large numbers.”

During the time of Jim Crow segregation, she understood even back then, that proper conduct and behavior was important in working with people of other races and cultures to advance one's fortunes was of the utmost importance. At the same time, she was also very aware that despite those efforts, many African-Americans would still suffer unfair treatment, so to not carry oneself respectfully would only make matters worse.

According to TIME magazine, the #1 course that students take at the Shanghai Institute of Foreign Trade, is the manners course training the students in etiquette. With their newfound prosperity, they understand that their old behaviors are no longer acceptable if they want to stay on the competitive edge. We in the African-American community, need to get with the program if we want a place in the global market and the accompanying respect we are due. If not, we will be left behind, holding on to our right to “keep it real."

Speaking of our right to “keep it real,” how has this false code of honor served us? I for one can say not very well. I believe that the breakdown began in the 1970’s and has continued to this day. We have abandoned many of the practices of social graces and etiquette in the light of “self-discovery.” We made the decision that good manners and celebrating the notion that “black is beautiful," could not co-exist. Good manners and proper conduct were seen as “white” attributes to be shunned and so the baby is thrown out with the bath water so to speak. Dr. Brown also spoke about this:

“It is perfectly natural that we want to forget much that was associated with slavery and its aftermath; at the same time it is very necessary that we pay attention to some of the things gained by our fore parents through intimate association with an aristocracy schooled in the finer things of life. Well may we add to our modern culture and educational efficiency some of the fine manners of those bygone days.”

Dr. Brown understood that despite the fact that proper conduct was associated with white society (though race has nothing to do with behaving properly), she urged African-Americans to not forget the benefits that carrying oneself properly could provide, despite the poor attitude of the people who wielded the most power and influence. 

To a certain degree, I understand the rebellion against these established practices and the attempts to be more independent. But what was gained from outward rebellion? Nothing. It has done nothing but isolate us, and it has robbed many of us, of the things we desire to obtain and achieve. We must take measures to correct this behavior, and quickly, if we want to not just survive, but also thrive.

When in Rome...

There's no crime in wanting to be independent. Utilizing wisdom is the key. The children of foreign rulers and diplomats are sent to finishing and boarding schools to learn Western social graces, but at home they still utilize their cultural protocol. They understand the best gift they can give their children is to empower them to be well prepared for whatever environment they find themselves in. It is not about conforming, but about knowing when it is appropriate to compromise for what one is trying to accomplish.

The world is becoming more globally interconnected, and if we do not get with the times, as aforementioned, we will be left behind. A practical compromise for a greater investment in one's future, if done correctly, is not “selling out." It is not to impress other people as much as it is to value ourselves.

                                                   

This was from a favorite contributor to this site, the late Demita Usher. She wanted it shared and we thought this would be an appropriate time to edit and post it, as it's Black History Month. Demita, who died suddenly in June of 2015, said that she was continually working to dispell the notion that etiquette is just "for white people." Demita wanted others to understand that etiquette knows no color. Her friendship and passion is missed by many!

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Early 20th C.Tea Rooms

Mrs. Mayme Lee Clinkscale, was the African-American proprietress of "The Ideal Tea Room," a beautifully appointed tea and dining establishment in Chicago. The advert above is from about 1925 ~  According to VintageTeaRooms.net, "Tea rooms were enormously popular in the first half of the 20th century. Their history is nearly forgotten, but is a fascinating aspect of women's history. Most were owned or managed by women. Almost everyone, from schoolteachers to recent college graduates to homemakers, wanted to run one. Most tea room patrons were also women. In the 1920s, especially, tea rooms became the fashionable places for women to meet friends in small towns, big cities, and suburbs alike."

Traditional Tea Table

"Necessity is the mother of invention." Someone, probably having reflected upon the easy social character of the English five o'clock tea, solved the problem for the American hostess by instituting the afternoon reception, which, somewhere between the hours of four and six, summons a host of friends to cross one's threshold and meet informally, chatting for a while over a sociable cup of tea, each group giving place to others, none crowding, all at ease, every one the recipient of a gracious welcome from the hostess, who by the hospitality thus offered has tacitly placed each guest on her visiting list for the season." Agnes H. Morton

"In the early 20th century almost all tea rooms used paper napkins, often dainty ones imported from Japan or China. They also did away with tablecloths, leaving tabletops bare or using doilies or placemats.

Tea room proprietors were motivated not only by a wish to cut laundry expense but also because they were of a time and social class that believed it was more sanitary to rid interiors of the excessive furbelows of the Victorian age.

Reflecting this mentality, Alice Foote MacDougall remarked in a 1928 article titled 'Eating Aesthetically,' 'There is nothing particularly alluring about long rows of tables, standing like shrouded sepulchers in winding sheets of more or less unsanitary tablecloths.'

As the 20th century wore on most restaurants got rid of tablecloths making them something of a rarity, resulting in the term 'white-tablecloth restaurant' for more luxurious establishments." - From Jan Whitaker's, "Restaurant-ing through history" blog

Jan Whitaker

We eat in restaurants several times a week and yet know very little about their history. I plan to dip into my archive of research and images every so often to present a little tidbit that highlights aspects of our American restaurant culture. Let me know your thoughts- Restaurant-ing through history.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Regency Etiquette, Creoles and Quadroons of New Orleans

“I left England with feelings so strongly opposed to slavery, that it was not without pain I witnessed its effects around me.” Frances Trollope, in Chapter 2 of “Domestic Manners of the Americans,” first published in 1832 

"On first touching the soil of a new land, of a new continent, of a new world, it is impossible not to feel considerable excitement and deep interest in almost every object that meets us. New Orleans presents very little that can gratify the eye of taste, but nevertheless there is much of novelty and interest for a newly arrived European. The large proportion of blacks seen in the streets, all labour being performed by them; the grace and beauty of the elegant Quadroons, the occasional groups of wild and savage looking Indians, the unwonted aspect of the vegetation, the huge and turbid river, with its low and slimy shore, all help to afford that species of amusement which proceeds from looking at what we never saw before. 

The town has much the appearance of a French Ville de Province, and is, in fact, an old French colony taken from Spain by France. The names of the streets are French, and the language about equally French and English. The market is handsome and well supplied, all produce being conveyed by the river. We were much pleased by the chant with which the Negro boatmen regulate and beguile their labour on the river; it consists but of very few notes, but they are sweetly harmonious, and the Negro voice is almost always rich and powerful. 

By far the most agreeable hours I passed at New Orleans were those in which I explored with my children the forest near the town. It was our first walk in "the eternal forests of the western world," and we felt rather sublime and poetical. The trees, generally speaking, are much too close to be either large or well grown; and, moreover, their growth is often stunted by a parasitical plant, for which I could learn no other name than "Spanish moss;" it hangs gracefully from the boughs, converting the outline of all the trees it hangs upon into that of weeping willows.

The chief beauty of the forest in this region is from the luxuriant undergrowth of palmetos, which is decidedly the loveliest coloured and most graceful plant I know. The pawpaw, too, is a splendid shrub, and in great abundance. We here, for the first time, saw the wild vine, which we afterwards found growing so profusely in every part of America, as naturally to suggest the idea that the natives ought to add wine to the numerous production of their plenty-teeming soil. The strong pendant festoons made safe and commodious swings, which some of our party enjoyed, despite the sublime temperament above-mentioned. 

Notwithstanding it was mid-winter when we were at New Orleans, the heat was much more than agreeable, and the attacks of the mosquitos incessant, and most tormenting; yet I suspect that, for a short time, we would rather have endured it, than not have seen oranges, green peas, and red pepper, growing in the open air at Christmas. In one of our rambles we ventured to enter a garden, whose bright orange hedge attracted our attention; here we saw green peas fit for the table, and a fine crop of red pepper ripening in the sun. 

Agostina Bruins’ “Women of Color with their Children and Servants in a Landscape”

A young Negress was employed on the steps of the house; that she was a slave made her an object of interest to us. She was the first slave we had ever spoken to, and I believe we all felt that we could hardly address her with sufficient gentleness. She little dreamed, poor girl, what deep sympathy she excited; she answered us civilly and gaily, and seemed amused at our fancying there was something unusual in red pepper pods; she gave us several of them, and I felt fearful lest a hard mistress might blame her for it. How very childish does ignorance make us! and how very ignorant we are upon almost every subject, where hearsay evidence is all we can get! I left England with feelings so strongly opposed to slavery, that it was not without pain I witnessed its effects around me. At the sight of every Negro man, woman, and child that passed, my fancy wove some little romance of misery, as belonging to each of them; since I have known more on the subject, and become better acquainted with their real situation in America, I have often smiled at recalling what I then felt. 

The first symptom of American equality that I perceived, was my being introduced in form to a milliner; it was not at a boarding-house, under the indistinct outline of "Miss C—," nor in the street through the veil of a fashionable toilette, but in the very penetralia of her temple, standing behind her counter, giving laws to ribbon and to wire, and ushering caps and bonnets into existence. She was an English woman, and I was told that she possessed great intellectual endowments, and much information; I really believe this was true. Her manner was easy and graceful, with a good deal of French tournure; and the gentleness with which her fine eyes and sweet voice directed the movements of a young female slave, was really touching: the way, too, in which she blended her French talk of modes with her customers, and her English talk of metaphysics with her friends, had a pretty air of indifference in it, that gave her a superiority with both. 

I found with her the daughter of a judge, eminent, it was said, both for legal and literary ability, and I heard from many quarters, after I had left New Orleans, that the society of this lady was highly valued by all persons of talent. Yet were I, traveller-like, to stop here, and set it down as a national peculiarity, or republican custom, that milliners took the lead in the best society, I should greatly falsify facts. I do not remember the same thing happening to me again, and this is one instance among a thousand, of the impression every circumstance makes on entering a new country, and of the propensity, so irresistible, to class all things, however accidental, as national and peculiar.

“Our stay in New Orleans was not long enough to permit our entering into society, but I was told that it contained two distinct sets of people, both celebrated, in their way, for their social meetings and elegant entertainments.”

On the other hand, however, it is certain that if similar anomalies are unfrequent in America, they are nearly impossible elsewhere. In the shop of Miss C— I was introduced to Mr. M'Clure, a venerable personage, of gentlemanlike appearance, who in the course of five minutes propounded as many axioms, as "Ignorance is the only devil;" "Man makes his own existence;" and the like. He was of the New Harmony school, or rather the New Harmony school was of him. He was a man of good fortune, (a Scotchman, I believe), who after living a tolerably gay life, had "conceived high thoughts, such as Lycurgus loved, who bade flog the little Spartans," and determined to benefit the species, and immortalize himself, by founding a philosophical school at New Harmony.

There was something in the hollow square legislations of Mr. Owen, that struck him as admirable, and he seems, as far as I can understand, to have intended aiding his views, by a sort of incipient hollow square drilling; teaching the young ideas of all he could catch, to shoot into parallelogramic form and order. This venerable philosopher, like all of his school that I ever heard of, loved better to originate lofty imaginings of faultless systems, than to watch their application to practice. With much liberality he purchased and conveyed to the wilderness a very noble collection of books and scientific instruments; but not finding among men one whose views were liberal and enlarged as his own, he selected a woman to put into action the machine he had organized.  

As his acquaintance with this lady had been of long standing, and, as it was said, very intimate, he felt sure that no violation of his rules would have place under her sway; they would act together as one being: he was to perform the functions of the soul, and will everything; she, those of the body, and perform everything. The principal feature of the scheme was, that (the first liberal outfit of the institution having been furnished by Mr. M'Clure,) the expense of keeping it up should be defrayed by the profits arising from the labours of the pupils, male and female, which was to be performed at stated intervals of each day, in regular rotation with learned study and scientific research. 

Famous creole, Madame Pierre Gautreau, in a painting by John Singer Sargent. The term "creole" was first used by French settlers to distinguish between someone born "from away" and anyone born in Louisiana. Someone could be African Creole, Native American Creole, French-Creole or Spanish-Creole.

 

But unfortunately the soul of the system found the climate of Indiana uncongenial to its peculiar formation, and, therefore, took its flight to Mexico, leaving the body to perform the operations of both, in whatever manner it liked best; and the body, being a French body, found no difficulty in setting actively to work without troubling the soul about it; and soon becoming conscious that the more simple was a machine, the more perfect were its operations, she threw out all that related to the intellectual part of the business, (which to do poor soul justice, it had laid great stress upon), and stirred herself as effectually as ever body did, to draw wealth from the thews and sinews of the youths they had collected. When last I heard of this philosophical establishment, she, and a nephew-son were said to be reaping a golden harvest, as many of the lads had been sent from a distance by indigent parents, for gratuitous education, and possessed no means of leaving it. 

Our stay in New Orleans was not long enough to permit our entering into society, but I was told that it contained two distinct sets of people, both celebrated, in their way, for their social meetings and elegant entertainments. The first of these is composed of Creole families, who are chiefly planters and merchants, with their wives and daughters; these meet together, eat together, and are very grand and aristocratic; each of their balls is a little Almack's, and every portly dame of the set is as exclusive in her principles as the excluded but amiable Quandroons, and such of the gentlemen of the former class as can by any means escape from the high places, where pure Creole blood swells the veins at the bare mention of any being tainted in the remotest degree with the Negro stain. 

Of all the prejudices I have ever witnessed, this appears to me the most violent, and the most inveterate. Quadroon girls, the acknowledged daughters of wealthy American or Creole fathers, educated with all of style and accomplishments which money can procure at New Orleans, and with all the decorum that care and affection can give; exquisitely beautiful, graceful, gentle, and amiable, these are not admitted, nay, are not on any terms admissable, into the society of the Creole families of Louisiana. They cannot marry; that is to say, no ceremony can render an union with them legal or binding; yet such is the powerful effect of their very peculiar grace, beauty, and sweetness of manner, that unfortunately they perpetually become the objects of choice and affection. If the Creole ladies have privilege to exercise the awful power of repulsion, the gentle Quadroon has the sweet but dangerous vengeance of possessing that of attraction.

The unions formed with this unfortunate race are said to be often lasting and happy, as far as any unions can be so, to which a certain degree of disgrace is attached. There is a French and an English theatre in the town; but we were too fresh from Europe to care much for either; or, indeed, for any other of the town delights of this city, and we soon became eager to commence our voyage up the Mississippi. Miss Wright, then less known (though the author of more than one clever volume) than she has since become, was the companion of our voyage from Europe; and it was my purpose to have passed some months with her and her sister at the estate she had purchased in Tennessee. This lady, since become so celebrated as the advocate of opinions that make millions shudder, and some half-score admire, was, at the time of my leaving England with her, dedicated to a pursuit widely different from her subsequent occupations. Instead of becoming a public orator in every town throughout America, she was about, as she said, to seclude herself for life in the deepest forests of the western world, that her fortune, her time, and her talents might be exclusively devoted to aid the cause of the suffering Africans.

Her first object was to shew that nature had made no difference between blacks and whites, excepting in complexion; and this she expected to prove by giving an education perfectly equal to a class of black and white children. Could this fact be once fully established, she conceived that the Negro cause would stand on firmer ground than it had yet done, and the degraded rank which they have ever held amongst civilized nations would be proved to be a gross injustice.
This question of the mental equality, or inequality between us, and the Negro race, is one of great interest, and has certainly never yet been fairly tried; and I expected for my children and myself both pleasure and information from visiting her establishment, and watching the success of her experiment.

“On the first of January, 1828, we embarked on board the Belvidere, a large and handsome boat...”

The innumerable steam boats, which are the stage coaches and fly waggons of this land of lakes and rivers, are totally unlike any I had seen in Europe, and greatly superior to them. The fabrics which I think they most resemble in appearance, are the floating baths (les bains Vigier) at Paris. The annexed drawing will give a correct idea of their form. The room to which the double line of windows belongs, is a very handsome apartment; before each window a neat little cot is arranged in such a manner as to give its drapery the air of a window curtain. This room is called the gentlemen's cabin, and their exclusive right to it is somewhat uncourteously insisted upon. The breakfast, dinner, and supper are laid in this apartment, and the lady passengers are permitted to take their meals there. On the first of January, 1828, we embarked on board the Belvidere, a large and handsome boat; though not the largest or handsomest of the many which displayed themselves along the wharfs; but she was going to stop at Memphis, the point of the river nearest to Miss Wright's residence, and she was the first that departed after we had got through the customhouse, and finished our sight-seeing.

We found the room destined for the use of the ladies dismal enough, as its only windows were below the stem gallery; but both this and the gentlemen's cabin were handsomely fitted up, and the former well carpeted; but oh! that carpet! I will not, I may not describe its condition; indeed it requires the pen of a Swift to do it justice. Let no one who wishes to receive agreeable impressions of American manners, commence their travels in a Mississippi steam boat; for myself, it is with all sincerity I declare, that I would infinitely prefer sharing the apartment of a party of well conditioned pigs to the being confined to its cabin.

I hardly know any annoyance so deeply repugnant to English feelings, as the incessant, remorseless spitting of Americans. I feel that I owe my readers an apology for the repeated use of this, and several other odious words; but I cannot avoid them, without suffering the fidelity of description to escape me. It is possible that in this phrase, "Americans," I may be too general. The United States form a continent of almost distinct nations, and I must now, and always, be understood to speak only of that portion of them which I have seen. In conversing with Americans I have constantly found that if I alluded to anything which they thought I considered as uncouth, they would assure me it was local, and not national; the accidental peculiarity of a very small part, and by no means a specimen of the whole. "That is because you know so little of America," is a phrase I have listened to a thousand times, and in nearly as many different places. It may be so—and having made this concession, I protest against the charge of injustice in relating what I have seen.

From “Domestic Manners of the Americans,” first published in 1832, by Frances 'Fanny' Trollope, 1780—1863 (Mother of the author Anthony Trollope)

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia  Etiquette Encyclopedia