Breach of Bridal Shower Etiquette

“… before becoming angry about it, please consider that this was ignorance on the part of the couple or the families.” — as the advertisement reads, “Sooner or Later, everybody needs Amy Vanderbilt,” Or a comparable book of etiquette!

DEAR ABBY: I have a wedding etiquette question. Twice within the last month, I've been invited to a bridal shower without receiving an invitation to the wedding.

I have witnessed a social blunder or two in my day, but this takes the cake. Are you with me on this, Abby? —DISGUSTED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR DISGUSTED: Το invite someone to a bridal shower who will not be invited to the wedding is a breach of etiquette. However, before becoming angry about it, please consider that this was ignorance on the part of the couple or the families. — Hanford Sentinel, 2003

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Spaghetti Etiquette: Spoon? No Spoon?

Peasant style or not, Amy Vanderbilt gave the following logistical advice in 1952 in her “Complete Book of Etiquette:” “The spoon is placed in the left hand, assuming the subject is a right-handed person, more or less upright in the plate of spaghetti. The right hand uses the fork with the tip of the prongs against the spoon to wind the spaghetti into a manageable mouthful. It should not drip off the fork. The forkful of spaghetti is then conveyed to the mouth while the spoon remains in the hand and on the plate.”

ABIGAIL VAN BUREN:
Dear Abby...

DEAR ABBY: Shame on you for suggesting that spaghetti be eaten by twisting the forked-up spaghetti into the hollow of a large spoon. That's like condoning drinking coffee out of a saucer after fanning it with your hat! A SPAGHETTI AFICIONADO

DEAR ABBY: Where did you A get the idea that one uses a fork “and a spoon” for spaghetti? According to Emily Post it is not considered etiquette either here or in Italy. Please correct yourself in your column before millions of Dear Abby fans start eating their spaghetti like Italian peasants. VELIA

DEAR VELIA: All right, so I was taught to eat spaghetti like an Italian peasant, But it's easier to eat that way and, in my book, common sense and convenience transcend “etiquette”, so let us not have any Emily Postmortems.

DEAR READERS: I finally became so exercised over the spaghetti-eating controversy that I sent the following cable to a well- bred Italian friend in Florence, Italy: “In Italy, is it considered proper etiquette to eat spaghetti with a fork and large spoon?” -ABBITTA VAN BURENIO

By return cable, this reply was received: “Only the middle-class southern Italian eats spaghetti with a fork and large spoon. Aforementioned technique strictly excluded by good society throughout the whole of Italy.” -GIORGIO GIANESE

DEAR ABBY: I followed through on your memo, telephoned a number of the leading Italian restaurants in the Los Angeles area, and asked, “How do your customers eat spaghetti?” The replies:

“With a fork and large spoon.” - Patrone's
“With a fork and large spoon.” -La Scalla
“With a fork and large spoon.” -Villa Nova
“With a fork and large spoon.” -Gizzarri's
“With a fork and large spoon.” -Frascatis
      -Your secretary, Marion

      From “Dear Abby,” in The Desert Sun, 1963

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

When Irish Eyes Smile for Green

In the book of etiquette it says that all personal notes should be written in either dark blue or black ink. Well, how about a professional Irishman who uses nothing but green ink?

DEAR ABBY: I am enclosing a copy of a well-worn clipping that I've carried in my wallet for 15 or 20 years. I could be the person described here. It fits me to a “T.” I'm Irish and buy everything in green that I can furniture! - even my office

Please print that letter again. The Irish will love it. - R.E. MEVERS, CHARLESTON, S.C. -

DEAR MR. MEVERS: I saved your letter for St. Patrick's Day:

DEAR ABBY: In the book of etiquette it says that all personal notes should be written in either dark blue or black ink. Well, how about a professional Irishman who uses nothing but green ink?

This man is so proud of the fact that he is Irish that he never lets anybody forget it for a minute. His house is painted green. He drives a green car, and has cute little sham- rock designs on everything from his business stationery to his mailbox.

Don't you think someone ought to tell that Jolly Green Giant that using green ink for correspondence is not considered good etiquette, in case he doesn't know better? Sign me... KNOWS BETTER.

DEAR KNOWS BETTER: I'm sure it wouldn't faze him, but you can bet your shillelagh he's gained more by being a professional Irish- man than he's lost. – Dear Abby, Desert Sun, 1989

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Wine and Wine Glass Etiquette

Abby, as a non-wine drinker, I have always turned my wine glass upside down to let the waiter know that I do not wish wine. Otherwise, he is apt to come along and fill my glass while I’m not looking, which is a foolish waste of wine. 

DEAR ABBY: A reader recently asked it it was considered proper etiquette to turn his wine glass upside down at a dinner party, and you said it wasn’t. Abby, as a non-wine drinker, I have always turned my wine glass upside down to let the waiter know that I do not wish wine. Otherwise, he is apt to come along and fill my glass while I’m not looking, which is a foolish waste of wine. It’s just a matter of common sense. You disappointed me. — No Wine in Cedar Rapids, 1979

DEAR NO WINE: I said it ISN’T considered proper etiquette because it isn't. But I’ve often stated that common sense outranks etiquette in my book, and if one must make a choice, go the common sense route— and a pox on etiquette!— Abigail Van Buren in The Desert Sun, 1979

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia