Etiquette, Belching and Other Noises

When you’re considered the ‘pig’ at the dining table, but you’re actually just being polite according to your upbringing. 

Multicultural Manners

Be appreciative and at the table,

‘Act Like a Pig’

Donna and her family have just arrived from the Philippines. American friends, the Gordons, invite them over for a welcoming dinner. At the end of the meal, Donna’s brother, Peter, belches loudly. The visiting family pays little attention to his behavior, but the Gordons think Peter acts like a pig.

What went wrong?

Peter was attempting to show how much he enjoyed the Gordons’ food. In many areas of the Philippines, as well as in Saudi Arabia, belching is considered a compliment to the chef. As in other parts of Asia and Indonesia, table noises including noodle slurping and lip smacking are the sounds of satisfied diners.

American table manners sometimes revolt others. Many foreigners find it repugnant when Americans eat corn on the cob, believed to be more suited for livestock than humans. Europeans, especially, consider it uncouth to hold the cob in one’s hands with butter or margarine dripping onto the fingers and chin.

Much of dining etiquette in the U.S. has been influenced by European traditions. Yet even in Europe, bodily sounds such as belching, passing gas, coughing, hiccuping, sneezing, commonly punctuated dining events until the 16th Century, when these noises became socially taboo.

Rule: Depending on who does it, belching at the table is not necessarily a sign of rudeness.

By Norine Dresser, Los Angeles Times, 1994

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Hospitality First in Saudi Arabia

The main room in every Arabian house is the coffee room. Here is where the men meet at all hours and talk and drink the Arabian coffee, which is so strong that it is apt to keep the guest awake all night. There is no furnishing in the room, save rugs. On these beautiful rugs, one sits, and is very careful not to let his foot stick out in front of him. For in an Arabian house, feet are to he used, but never seen.— photo source, Pinterest 

Arabs Will Quarrel Over the Privilege of Entertaining a Visitor—Strict Rule of Etiquette

Although most Arabs are Bedouins or nomads, many of this ancient place live in towns. To the traveler unused to the swaying and almost “mal de mer” inducing motion of the camel for this is the mode of locomotion in Arabia — it is a great relief to come to one of these dingy, yet picturesque towns. With a sigh of relief the careworn and dust-covered voyager crosses the dry moat and passes through the city walls. All Arabian towns have walls and turrets. The traveler wonders what the great standpipe is, rising up above the houses, and if, by chance, there might he some industry connected with it. But on inquiring he finds that it is the watch tower — a remnant of the Middle Ages when only spears and lances were used in warfare. Today the tower would fall quickly if it were hit by the shell from a five pound gun. 

To visit in one of the Arabian houses is indeed a great pleasure, for the Arabs are most hospitable, and treat their guests royally, asserts Temple Manning in the Cleveland Plain Dealer. In fact, the whole town will squabble over the privilege of entertaining a visitor. No mention of the length of a visitor’s stay or where he is going is alluded to —this would be the height of ill manners. For this handsome and bold race are gallant and courteous to the last degree, and some of their forms of conduct are difficult for the Westerner to adopt. 

Although it is fascinating to live us a guest of an Arabian family, it is really difficult, and one must be on his guard if he cares to be invited again. The main room in every Arabian house is the coffee room. Here is where the men meet at all hours and talk and drink the Arabian coffee, which is so strong that it is apt to keep the guest awake all night. There is no furnishing in the room, save rugs. On these beautiful rugs, one sits, and is very careful not to let his foot stick out in front of him. For in an Arabian house, feet are to he used, but never seen. If you should visit in the land of  “A Thousand and One Nights,” be sure to tuck your feet under you, no matter how uncomfortable, because if you don’t, you will be considered bad-mannered and will not be asked to call again! — Hanford Journal, 1922

Etiquette Enthusiasts, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Marriage ~ From a Saudi Arabian Husband’s Point of View

It is certainly not deficiency, but rather good manners, that the husband shares responsibility in household work like mending garments or what is similar to that. The wife takes care of the household affairs. So, it is from good manners that the husband extends a helping hand to his wife in the house during times of necessity such as when she is sick, pregnant, has given birth, etc. A man should not feel shy in serving himself.

The exemplary husband is he who cooperates with his wife by keeping good relations and showing kind manners (to her). Truly, the husbands who help their wives in their work are the best of mankind in the view of Islam. This good way of living between the spouses must be deeply imbedded into the daily marital life, even if the matter were to reach divorce.

Beware of characterizing the relationship between the spouses with over-seriousness. For indeed characterizing the family life with a militaristic nature amounts to one of the causes for failure and bad results.

Among the kind and noble manners of the husband is that he complies and assents to the requests of his wife, so long as they are not forbidden in the Religion. Extravagance in food, drink and clothing leads to the door of forbidden things in the Religion.

No human being is perfect. So no doubt the husband will see things in his wife that do not comply with his preferences. If these aspects are not in opposition to the fundaments of the Religion or to the obedience of the husband and his rights, then he should not try to change her personality to make it comply with his preferences.

He must always remember that for each one of the couple, there will be an aspect of one’s personality that conflicts with the other’s personality. The husband should always remember that if he doesn’t like some things in his wife, then indeed she will have other characteristics that are definitely pleasing to him.

Do not look for the errors of your wife and recount them to her, for too much blaming and reprimanding will worsen the relationship between the two of you, and it will pose a threat to your marital life. So overlook each other’s mistakes.

If you are able, do not hold back from providing your wife with good clothing and food, and from being generous in spending money on her. This is of course according to the extent of your ability.
   

"Various social customs are well known in the Kingdom. Arabs traditionally use the right hand for all public functions — including shaking hands, eating, drinking, and passing objects to another person. Talking with one’s hands, or gesticulating wildly, may be considered impolite. It is also impolite to point the sole of the foot at the person to whom you are speaking. It may be discourteous to ask about a man’s wife and daughters. One should ask after his "family and children." When tea and coffee are served, it could be considered impolite not to take at least one cup. When one is finished drinking, one should oscillate the cup to signal that a refill is not desired. If one is doing business in the Kingdom during Ramadan, it is best to refrain from drinking and eating when in the company of someone observing the fast. Doing business in Saudi Arabia is somewhat more challenging for women. There is gender separation in the Kingdom. Many public places, like hotels and restaurants, will have family rooms where women are served with their husbands. Women are expected to dress conservatively, with long skirts most appropriate, sleeves at elbow length or longer, and necklines that are unrevealing. It is generally uncommon for a Muslim man to shake hands with a woman or engage in the conversational body contact that is common when speaking to another man, although Saudis who have experience with Western culture may be inclined to do so." From The Saudi Network

Do not belittle the importance of correcting your wife if she does things that go against the Religion. This should be the main, if not the only reason that should cause you to become angry.

The woman is the head of the household, the one responsible for it. So do not attempt to meddle into affairs that do not fall into your area of duties and responsibilities, such as the food and the upkeep of the house.

Beware of scolding your wife in presence of others, even if they are your own children. For indeed that is unsuitable behavior that turn the hearts of people against each other.

Having protective jealousy and caring about the modesty of your wife is a praiseworthy thing, which shows your love for her. However it is on the condition that you do not go to great lengths in this jealousy. For then at that point, it would turn into something worthy of no praise.

Beware of divulging any secrets connected with the intimate encounters you have with your wife, for that is something restricted and forbidden.

Constantly maintain the cleaning of your mouth and the freshening of your breath.

Guardianship of your wife doesn’t mean that you can exploit what Allah has bestowed upon you from taking charge of her, such that you harm and oppress her.

Showing respect and kindness to your wife’s family is showing respect and kindness to her. And this applies even after her death.

Too much joking will lead to (your family having) little fear (of disobeying you) and a lack of respect for you. So do not joke too much and lose respect.

Fulfilling the conditions that you promised your wife in the marriage contract is very important, so do not neglect that after getting married.

When you advise her or simply talk to her, choose the kindest and nicest of words and expressions. It is not proper for you to ask your wife to look for work outside the house or to spend upon you from her wealth.

Do not overburden your wife with chores that she is not able to handle. Consider, with extreme regard, the environment she was raised up in. Work in rural atmosphere is not like that in urban places. What a strong woman is prepared for and able to do, cannot be done by a weak woman.

Main article originally posted in the Saudi Gazette