Smoking Etiquette for Women

There actually was quite a bit of smoking etiquette in the etiquette books at the time. Above is a photo of an advertisement promoting Lucky Strike cigarettes. The advertisement features etiquette authority, Amy Vanderbilt. Still, Dick West’s informative humor on the subject was well worth the read!

WASHINGTON - (UPI) - I think I will award this week's “it's about time” citation to Miss Helen Hart, a consumer services director for the Brown & Williamson Tobacco Corp. The citation is a sort of decoration I have devised as a means of giving recognition to people who do something that should have been done a long time ago.

IT CONSISTS OF a parchment scroll bearing the imprint of an hourglass on a field of bitten-off fingernails. You'll find a bit of symbolism in the design in you look hard enough. Miss Hart deserves a citation, I believe, for having drawn up what possibly is the first set of rules of female smoking-etiquette.

This Emily Post of the nicotine habit puts down in black and white a policy that I have long advocated orally: If women are going to smoke, and it sure looks like most of them are going to, they should carry their own cigarettes.

“ALWAYS ACCEPT the cigarette that is offered to you - even though it is not your brand,” she writes. “On the next round, be alert to offer your own brand: that way you'll avoid having to reject another offer, and be doing your share of the ‘treating.’”

I am grateful to Miss Hart for making a definite point of etiquette out of what has heretofore been only a vague economic issue. However, I would have to quarrel with her ranking system.

SHE LISTS THIS admonition as No. 3 on her etiquette set. I feel it should be made the cardinal rule and, if necessary, enacted into law. I also have some misgivings about her No. 4 rule. “Let your escort light your cigarette,” it says. “Many women are too quick to do the job themselves - why not keep this gentlemanly custom alive?”

I think this is a custom most gentlemen would just as soon drop and I was glad that Miss Hart softened the rule with an amendment; “don’t demand a light if one is not offered; this simply points up a man’s lack of alertness.”

I COULD NAME off-hand a half dozen women of my acquaintance who seem to delight in pointing up my lack of alertness. Generally, they do this in some demure manner, like calling out “hey, slob, how about a light?”

The rest of Miss Hart’s rules are fairly routine pointers on how to hold cigarettes gracefully between the first joints off the index and second fingers, how to inhale, no short, nervous puffs and how to dispose of ashes, tap the cigarette slowly but ah so so deliberately and I wish, however, that she had added one more rule to the effect that a lady should always remove a cigarette from her mouth when she is about to be kissed. — Dick West, in the San Bernardino Sun, 1960

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Introduction Etiquette and Arm Wrestling

“The rules should be rewritten to require that when two or more persons are introduced they must cement the acquaintance by arm wrestling. You will never forget the name of anyone you have bested at arm wrestling, or of anyone who has bested you. Besides that, it helps get a cocktail party off to a good start…” 

🍸 🍹 🍸 🍹 🍸 🍹 🍸 🍹

What Have We Here? – Two hostess, or sweetmeat, serving sets in silver and gilded silver from France, along with a 1940’s American version of the French sets, called “Harlequin Sets,” made by Reed and Barton in the United States. They were made in both sterling and silver plate. They are serving up some typical, mid 20th century hors d’oeuvres which were often found at “cocktail parties.” Cocktails were the main feature, as from stories I heard as a child lead me to believe that a lot more drinking (and cigarette smoking) than eating transpired at these events. Martinis were especially popular. This 5 piece Harlequin set in the box features different, diminutive serving pieces using designs which were once popularly used for everything from jelly to escargots or berries, to nuts, sauces, etc... floral handles were added to them and stores sold them as versatile “party sets.” — From the book, “Yesteryear… More of What Have We Here? The Etiquette and Essentials of Past Times to the Mid-20th Century” by Site Editor, Maura J. Graber 

Introduction Etiquette In Need of Revision

WASHINGTON (UPD—What this country needs is a new book of etiquette. Right, Emily? Particularly is this true of the chapter on introductions. In my lifetime thus far I probably have been introduced to 5.000 people and I would guess that 5,000 others have been introduced to me. Yet I have never once learned anyone’s name during a formal introduction. Names uttered at those moments leave no more impression on my brain than the college algebra classes I once attended. If the hostess at a cocktail party introduces me to one of the guests, I always have to sidle up to the hostess later and whisper “What did you say that fellow’s name was?” That’s if I’m lucky. In most cases she wanders off and leaves me stuck with the person whose name I didn’t catch. 

Then another guest will join us and ask to be introduced. I’ll concede that my memory could never compete in an adhesive contest with the cheaper grades of flypaper. But 1 do say that I can ordinarily remember words no longer than most proper names for at least 15 seconds after I hear them. I blame the mental blackout that I experience during introductions on the cumbersome procedure set forth in the etiquette books for performing this function. As soon as an introduction begins. I immediately start trying to decide how I am going to acknowledge it—whether I am going to say “How do you do,” “Pleased to meet you,” or “Charmed, I’m sure.” It is this preoccupation with the ritual of the introduction that causes me to miss the names. And the same is true when I am performing an introduction. 

I get so intent on trying to remember whether the lady is introduced to the man, or whether the older person is introduced to the younger, that I forget the names of the people I am introducing. With friends this is embarrassing and when one of the names that slip your mind happens to belong to the woman you married it is downright painful. Which is why I say that what this country needs is a new book of etiquette. The rules should be rewritten to require that when two or more persons are introduced they must cement the acquaintance by arm wrestling. You will never forget the name of anyone you have bested at arm wrestling, or of anyone who has bested you. Besides that, it helps get a cocktail party off to a good start. — By Dick West Reports, for the San Bernardino Sun, 1964

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Printing Office Etiquette

This detail of a mural in the foyer of the Poughkeepsie Journal, shows Ottmar Mergenthaler at his linotype machine surrounded by Morse, Bell, Edison, Greeley and others who played important roles in publishing history. – Image source, Pinterest

On the Lighter Side of Manners

A lady asked us whether etiquette requires us to knock at the door of an editor's sanctum before entering. We hasten to reply. If you are coming to pay your subscription or bring in a nice juicy item of news, don't stop to knock, but just walk right in as if you owned the place. 

If on the other hand, you are on a collecting tour, you should make the fact known through the window, and then knock at the door until the editor opens it. You may sink from exhaustion before he does so, but you will, be adhering to the printing office etiquette that is bound to please the average editor. To all of which we reverently say, “Amen.” –Winnemucca Silver State News, 1896

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Leap Year Husband Hunting

The “Leap Year Etiquette” post card line was witty, humorous and popular with young men and women alike.. The early part of the 1900’s was a turning point for many young women, as they had fewer restrictions than in the late 1800’s. The growing use of the bicycle and automobile, better pay, better working conditions and less restrictive fashions for women, pushed them to want even more. Within just a dozen years, women got the vote and “the flapper” style was all the rage. Numerous original examples of this early 20th c. funny ephemera are available for sale online.

Flossy Mush Discusses Leap Year

Oh, girls! This year is Leap Year. Ladies' Choice-just think of it! If "he" has been too shy to propound the all-important interrogative, the time is near at hand when you can force him into corner and bring him out of his trance.

Flossie Mush, who holds the degree of Bachelor Maid of Spoon-osophy and who, maybe, is the head of the Department of Goo-ology at the George Washington University, in her new book, "The Big Trick, and How to Take It," which has just come hot from the griddle, sagely says: "Take it easy."

You shouldn't be in a rush, observes this wise student, "especially a college rush or a free lunch or bargain counter rush; for there's still plenty of poultry in cold storage, despite the holiday trading, and you shouldn't make hasty selections. You might get a tainted bird.

"I believe in drawing the matrimonial fowl," Miss Mush goes on, "because a man in the hand is worth two in the Maybe-So, and it is well to hold a hand you can draw to." The erudite philosopher, as the result of her investigations as to 1908 affairs, bluntly gives some sharp points concerning ‘what to expect.’

"We shall find professional women forsaking the professions for the science of husbandry," she says, "thereby providing many ‘crying necessities.’

"Many of the more hardened bachelor maids, craving excitement, intend to revive the gentle craft of highwaymanry. By cutting across lots they will take their unsuspecting victims on the bias, but it is presumed that they will treat them on the square. They propose a campaign of hands up and show down. In other words, they will Robin Hood-wink the men. 

"As it has been eight long years since the maidens have had an in- ning of their own at Cupid's shop, it is presumed that they will find the remnant counters piled high. Remnant offerings are never to be taken save after careful inspection for soils and flaws. Nevertheless, one often finds a very satisfactory bargain here, if one does not object to a little shop-and-shelf-wear.

"Goods taken from original pieces should be watched carefully, in order to prevent them from bolting. "It is to be expected, as usual, that we will find some of the older maids cottoning to calico kids. "As for spring styles in marriageable men, they will be cut high on speed and low on finances. "The 'blues' are predominating in colors just as present; but gayer colors doubtless will be seen as the season wears on.

"All matrimonial goods faced with the Cuddlin’ ‘fringes’ should be eschewed, as they are apt to be the hiding place of the kissing bug or moth.” ‘fringes’should be eschewed, as they are apt to be the hiding place of the kissing bug or moth."

We have no doubt that Flossie Mush's suggestions will prove valuable to many maidens in Oskaloosa, Oklahoma and Colorado Springs; but it is our impression that Humboldt maids, characteristically original and independent, will make their selections in such charming, naive and unconventional manners as may appeal to them.

However, should any further information be desired under this head, we would refer the inquisitively inclined directly to Miss Mush, care of Ella Wheeler Wilcox, Hoboken. – February 1908

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

An Etiquette “Idiotorial” from 1919

“There are usually so many different kinds of knives, forks and spoons at the average dinner party that it might be a good idea to have the jeweler engrave its use on the handle… When the jewelers are marking forks they ought to move the tines closer together, so that the food won't sip through the cracks and fall on your chest and spoil your rented dress suit. With clothes the price they are, somebody ought to invent a spotless food.” ~ Above– Four forks which never became popular – An American-made, “left handed” fork and three, British-made forks. The three to the right were designed by Ellington in 1867 as “gravy forks or pea forks”. The tines are melded together all except for the ends in order to more conveniently scoop up one’s gravey, or one’s peas. Pease were a staple of British life in the 1800’s and many people in 1867 were still eating their peas from their knives.

Table Manners Not as Necessary As the Food to Practice Them On

There is a school in town which teaches table manner. This may be a good idea, but before we learn how to eat our food we ought to learn how to get it. If it wasn't for table manners, we could just have a set of knives and save ourselves the expense of a lot of silverware.

A lot of people claim that good table manners help them in getting invited out to dinner often. The bird who gets invited out is the one who doesn't cop too much of the table silver when he's visiting.

There are usually so many different kinds of knives, forks and spoons at the average dinner party that it might be a good idea to have the jeweler engrave its use on the handle.

Or it might be a good plan to make the handle longer and print on it everything that may be eaten with it. Take a spoon, for instance. It could have written on it “To be used for soup, coffee, ice cream, pudding, tea, jelly, prunes and mush.”

If you get some food which you never saw before, you could just look over the different silverware and find out which tool to eat with. If the name didn't happen to appear on any of the knives, forks or spoons, just tell your host or hostess that he doesn't care for any.

Grapefruit spoons should be equipped with a windshield or some other contrivance to keep the Juice ont of your neighbor's eye. Either this, or pass goggles to all of the diners.

When the jewelers are marking forks they ought to move the tines closer together, so that the food won't sip through the cracks and fall on your chest and spoil your rented dress suit. With clothes the price they are, somebody ought to invent a spotless food.

Can you imagine how nice it would he to have an egg which you could drop on your white shirt front without soiling it. Of course, it's hard enough to get any kind of an egg at all without going out and hunting for a non-spot.  

This table manners school ought to teach diners not to hit you in the stomach with their elbow every time they try to cut their meat. You can't tell whether they're eating or giving you a massage. 

People should stop using little squares of butter and eut them into balls so that you can roll them around the table instead of passing a heavy plate. An amateur would have to practice playing pool in order to be able to direct the balls. 

The same thing could be done with peas and olives. Instead of the maid passing the dish, she could just stand at one end of the able and roll five or six peas to each guest. After a little practice, a diner could soon get them to roll up his knife and into his mouth. This would save a lot of dishwashing. 

Still, this would confuse the diners. They wouldn't be able to tell whether they were eating or playing tennis. There’s only one suggestion we’d like to make. Tell us how to get the food and we’ll find a way to eat it. 

*On a side note: Amber is believed by the Turks to be an infallible guard against injurious effects of nicotine; hence its extensive use for mouthpieces of pipes.– From “Love, Laughter, Life: An “Idiotorial,” by humorist, John P. Medbury, 1919

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Motor Car Etiquette (with Humor)

After you have run down a pedestrian be sure and "honk-honk" very vigorously, especially if you have previously given no warning signal. This little act of attention may be soothing to the last moments of the unfortunate. 

1. Always assist your lady passengers to their seats before taking your own; when alighting suddenly at a stone wall or fence, however, the question of precedence is not considered.
2. When a tire is punctured beyond repair it is considered the correct thing on the part of a host to be explicit as to the number if miles the party must walk to reach home.
3. If anything disagreeable happens, lay it to the chauffeur; if he is bigger than you it is permissible to do this behind his back.
4. After you have run down a pedestrian be sure and "honk-honk" very vigorously, especially if you have previously given no warning signal. This little act of attention may be soothing to the last moments of the unfortunate. 
5. If a horse shows signs of fright, put on all possible power and go by at full speed. In this way he will get rid of his fear- and possibly of his driver -more quickly.
6. If a village constable stands in the road watch in hand, head your machine at the watch. A correct aim destroys evidence.
7. No matter how well you can run your car, always keep a chauffeur in your pay: court rooms and country Jails are stuffy places,
8. If ladies are present when you get on your back under the machine to fix that little trouble." It is the custom to gag yourself with cotton waste.
9. If you have been persuaded to pur- chase a copy of the "Rules of the read,' 'throw it away; there are no rules for motorists.– New York Press 1906

Reminder: We have a free webinar on Dining According to Hollywood and Dining Etiquette as Presented on Film! You can watch it live on September 23rd at 4:00 pm PST (Pacific Standard Time). We have a limited number of viewers who can attend via Zoom, however, if you are registered and cannot watch the event live, you’ll be sent a video link to watch a copy at your leisure. Link to the Free Webinar –– https://events.humanitix.com/dining-according-to-hollywood-the-art-of-dining-on-film Please email any questions to: theetiquettechannel@gmail.com

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Airship Etiquette

Never fall through a roof. People's chambers are seldom fit to receive company without advance notice of their coming… – Dining salon aboard a Graf Zeppelin LZ127
— Photo source, Pinterest

With the advent of flying machines we note that several of our dearest friends are much disturbed by a lack of knowledge of the little proprieties that govern that fine sport. For those persons we offer the following few suggestions which will be added to as the code is completed:

I-If you drop your lady be sure of your bearings. No gentleman will drop a lady into Pittsburg.

II-Remember that the motto of the Epworth League is “Look up” and DON'T SPIT. Epworth Leaguers are, as a rule, very finicky people.

III-In falling, if you should pass an acquaintance aeroplaning with a strange lady it is good form to raise your hat.

IV-Never fall through a roof. People's chambers are seldom fit to receive company without advance notice of their coming.

V-Keep to the right. — Sausalito News, 1910

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Edwardian Etiquette Humor

The multiplicity of forks and knives and spoons staggered him. The soup nearly made him faint. But he took his courage and an olive in both hands, and launched forth pluckily.—  Grand Duchess Maria Pavlovna and Zinaida Skobelyeva, Duchess of Leuchtenberg. Photographed in 1890.
— Photo source, Twitter

A Little Pleasantry

He tried it on the Duchess, according to the rules

If seated next to a lady at dinner and if at a loss for a topic, touch lightly on the weather. Then turn to dress. If that fails, try a little pleasantry.” With these words from “Etiquette For the Populace” stamped upon his memory. Mr. Quickrich, who had made a million out of candles and thus gained a sudden entry into society, escorted the Duchess of Dash into the dining room. The multiplicity of forks and knives and spoons staggered him. The soup nearly made him faint. But he took his courage and an olive in both hands, and launched forth pluckily.

“Bloomin’ dull day, Duch, ain't it?” he began, recalling topic number one. “Ahem!" he coughed as he remembered the next topic, dress. “Er– do you wear flannel next the skin?” A marble shoulder nearly knocked him in the eye– a very cold and frigid shoulder. “Hum.” muttered Quickrich. “Rather hard to get along with. Let's see. I'll try a pleasantry.” The Duchess of Dash’s back was turned to him. He protruded a fore finger and jabbed her in the ribs. “Click!” he cried playfully. And that absolutely did it, and himself with it.– London Answers, 1910

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Boarding House Etiquette Humor

There are so many humorous news articles and so much ephemera on Boarding House manners and etiquette, living in one must have been challenging to those well versed in proper behavior. The above is from a late-1800’s post card. — “One of the refinements of table etiquette, in a boarding-bouse, is to inform the Landlady and your fellow-boarders when you've had enough to eat. The most delicate and approved manner of doing this is to tilt yourself back in the chair, spread your feet, yawn, stretch yourself, with both arms in the air, and wind up with a hearty grunt. Any gentleman who perfects himself in the practice of these rules of table etiquette would feel at home at a royal banquet at the court of St. James.”

The following observations concerning table etiquette in boarding-houses are worth committing to memory: 

ENTERING THE ROOM

If the door is ordinarily kept open, slam it shut after you ; if ordinarily kept closed, always leave it open. While approaching your place, regulate your gait so that you can carefully inspect every dish on the table before reaching your chair.

TAKING YOUR SEAT. 

In jerking out your chair, always knock it against another. If you're hungry; or in a great hurry, set your chair two teet from the table, so that you may get your mouth within four inches of your plate, and shovel the food in without loss of time. If you're not hungry , or not in a hurry, draw your chair close, so that you may rest both elbows on the table. In either case, if a lady occupies an adjoining seat, never fail to put one leg of your chair upon her skirts — it will attract her attention toward you as she rises.

GETTING HELPED AND HELPING YOURSELF. 

Presuming you are hungry— waste no time in recognizing the landlady, or any of your fellow-boarders but keep your eye on the waiters and call for two of them, at least. The instant you get soup, order fish; and when the fish is brought, order two kinds of meat — on different plates. (Something might give out, you know.) If you are smart, you can generally manage to help yourself to vegetables. The strong point on vegetables is to keep a dish of each within reaching distance; but sometimes you have to watch mighty close to preserve the best arranged semi-circle of vegetable dishes. 

If you are so unfortunate as to be beyond the reach of a castor, you must resort to strategy, and get a bottle from one and another, until you surround your plate with the desirable assortment of condiments. Never take salt from the cellar and put it on the table cloth, or upon the edge of your plate ; but dip your celery and meat into the main supply; this observation invests salt-cellars with a peculiar interest. Always be first in calling for dessert, lest you lose the chance of securing a double supply.

HOW TO EAT. 

The art of getting enough to eat, where there is a promiscuous assemblage of ladies and gentlemen, depends largely upon your skill in handling the knife and fork, and the capacity of your guzzle for unmasticated food. The latter qualification is a natural gift; but the knife and fork business, being entirely mechanical, any one who will keep his elbows six inches above the table and four inches (half the diameter of a dinner plate) inside the edge, will soon acquire freedom of motion and great proficiency in the use of those invaluable implements.

MISCELLANEOUS. 

Newspapers are allowable at the breakfast table, provided the reader turns his back toward one neighbor and puts his feet on the chair-rounds of the other. If no ladies are present except the landlady (and she is never a lady), it is preferable to draw a castor before you and tilt your paper against it. You can then swallow the news with your buckwheat cakes. 

Since two-pronged steel forks have got out of fashion, tooth-picking has become an embarrassing operation to those who have teeth. The prongs of the modern forks are too thick for the purpose and it has become necessary to resort to your pocket-knife, or incur the expense of carrying a quill. Some vulgarians are in the habit of taking a quill toothpick out of their pockets “on the sly,” and, concealing it in the hand, they relieve a suffering tooth without opening the mouth or attracting attention. This is barbarous. 

When you pick your teeth, everybody's attention should be directed to the occasion. You should either open your mouth wide, and use a penknife, or take a quill in one hand and raise a napkin to your nose with the other, as a flag of distress. 

One of the refinements of table etiquette, in a boarding-bouse, is to inform the landlady and your fellow-boarders when you've had enough to eat. The most delicate and approved manner of doing this is to tilt yourself back in the chair, spread your feet, yawn, stretch yourself, with both arms in the air, and wind up with a hearty grunt. Any gentleman who perfects himself in the practice of these rules of table etiquette would feel at home at a Royal banquet at the Court of St. James. – Sacramento Daily Union, 1872

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Humor for Corn Eaters

“Fork never made to eat corn on the cob”?!? Au contraire! Victorian “Green Corn” was a popular food to serve in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s. Over a sixty to seventy year period, numerous green-corn forks were invented and patented for eating ears of corn on the cob. – The corn fork shown above was made in the 1920’s, as was the patented dish with cover for serving corn on the cob.

Fork Never Made to Eat Corn on the Cob…

May Be Breach of Table Etiquette, But the Fellow Who Attacks the Ear With Two Hands is the One Who Gets the Thrills

There isn't much joy in eating corn on the cob with a fork, is there? I'll say there isn't. At least not for the fellow who likes to get all the thrills that go with hold ing a big, juicy ear in both your mitts. This may not be according to Hoyle, and may be a violation of the rules of table etiquette.

But the fellow who is guided by the old rule that “fingers were made before knives and forks and other eatin’ utensils” and attacks the said big, juicy ear in a way that would make John D. Rockenfeller green with envy, is the guy who gets the thrills and all the trimmings thrown in.

Saw a person a few days ago in a crowded eating place trying to pry corn off a cob with a fork. That may be good, straight-laced table etiquette, but to me that fork seemed about as much in place as the Kaiser in Paris.

Really, I felt sorry for the person, for nearby were others who were getting every bit of the kernels clear down to the place where they were fastened onto the cob. One fellow made the remark that it was so good that he felt like taking it back and asking the waiter to put more corn on his cob.

The only way to eat an ear of corn is to butter it well, with a sprinkling of salt and pepper and then make a “head-on” attack. The fellow who has insecure teeth at a time of this kind is out of luck. The man who eats his corn this way is never happier than when he has finished the job and is licking his mouth with his tongue, unless it is when he is in the middle of the operation.

The same rule applies to watermelons. There is no pleasure using a fork, the real pleasure is running your mouth into the red, juicy fruit, getting every drop of the sweet flavored thing. Yum! Yum!– By Al Falfa of Riverside Daily Press, 1920

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and “Food for Thought”

As a guest, don’t stick around longer than you should, no matter how entertaining you believe yourself to be. – The ideal tactic for guests who stay too long is that of painter Walter Sickert, who saw two guests to the door and told them, “Do come back when you've a little less time to spare.”  

Now here's some food for thought… In an essay on dinner party etiquette in a recent Esquire, writer John Berendt extrapolates the lessons in classic tales of classic dinners: 

• The ideal tactic for guests who stay too long is that of painter Walter Sickert, who saw two guests to the door and told them, “Do come back when you've a little less time to spare.”   

• At a London party in the 1920s, Mrs. Ronald Greville slipped her inebriated butler a note saying, “You are drunk. Leave the room at once!” He put the note on a silver tray and presented it to the guest of honor, British Foreign Secretary, Austen Chamberlain. 

• At a dinner party in the late 19th century, French playwright Victorian Sardou spilled a glass of wine. The woman sitting next to him spilled salt on the stain. Sardou threw some of the salt over his shoulder for luck. The salt went into the eye of a waiter who dropped a platter and the family dog pounced on the food. A bone lodged in the dog's throat, and when the son of the host attempted to pull it out, the dog bit him. His finger had to be amputated. – From Sentinel Wire Services, 1993

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Sentenced to Teaching Etiquette

“I was well raised. Among other things, I learned not to eat without a fork. Thoughtless persons frequently hand food out of the kitchen, but forget the fork.”

                                 

Gilded Age Etiquette Humor or Why He Stole a Fork...

• Judge—You are accused of stealing. You went to this man’s house and asked for a bite to eat. It was given you and you put a silver fork in your pocket. Is this true? 
• Prisoner—All true, Your Honor. But hearken, I am no common thief. I was forced by a sense of duty to society to take the fork. May I explain? 
• Judge—You may. 
• Prisoner — I was well raised. Among other things, I learned not to eat without a fork. Thoughtless persons frequently hand food out of the kitchen, but forget the fork. It was to protect myself from outraging social usages that I took one. Is the explanation satisfactory? 
• Judge—Yes. You may instruct the county prisoners in etiquette for thirty days. – Omaha Herald, 1887

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Dinner Party Etiquette Humor of 1882

 

Oranges are held on a fork while being peeled, and the facetious style of squirting the juice into the eyes of your host is au revoir. 

It is with a view of elevating the popular taste, and etherealizing, so to speak, the manners and customs of our readers, that we give below a few hints upon table etiquette: 

• Oranges are held on a fork while being peeled, and the facetious style of squirting the juice into the eyes of your host is au revoir. 
• Macaroni should be cut into short pieces and eaten with an even, graceful motion, not absorbed by the yard. 
• If, by mistake, you drink out of your finger bowl, laugh heartily and make some facetious remark, which will change the course of conversation and renew the friendly feeling among the members of the party. 
• In drinking wine, when you get to the bottom of your glass, do not throw your head back and draw in your breath like the exhaust of a bath tub in order to get the last drop, as it engenders a feeling of the most depressing melancholy among the guests. 
• If you cannot accept an invitation to supper, do not write your regrets on the back of a pool check with a blue lead pencil. This is not regarded as ricochet. A simple note to your host informing him that your washerwoman refuses to relent is sufficient. 
• On seating yourself at the table, draw off your gloves, put them in your lap under your napkin. Do not put them in the gravy, as it would spoil the gloves and cast a gloom over the gravy. 
• If you have just cleaned your gloves with benzine, you must leave them out in the front yard.—Cincinnati Fair Journal, 1882

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Dining Humor

“What we want in Virginia,” said he, “Is a high-toned restaurant like the Poodle-Dog in San Francisco, or Delmonico’s in New York; a place where a gentleman of taste and means could get a meal varying from five to twenty-five-dollars, with frog legs, truffles, terrapin stews, and some rare old Hock or Burgundy—a place where one could dine at his leisure and invite a friend with some degree of confidence.” 

Then and Now

About two weeks ago a bolder of much Sierra Nevada stock was finding fault with the gastronomical facilities of this mountain town. “What we want in Virginia,” said he, “Is a high-toned restaurant like the Poodle-Dog in San Francisco, or Delmonico's in New York; a place where a gentleman of taste and means could get a meal varying from five to twenty-five-dollars, with frog legs, truffles, terrapin stews, and some rare old Hock or Burgundy—a place where one could dine at his leisure and invite a friend with some degree of confidence.” This morning the same man was heard to ejaculate: “It’s about time we had some two-bit restaurants in this town, like the Miner’s Restaurant in San Francisco, or the What Cheer House, where a man could get a substantial meal without bankrupting himself.”—Virginia Chronicle, 1878

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Milk Etiquette... Like Fine Wine

Diplomats, you know, set great store by protocol and other social niceties. And wine drinking is steeped in ritual, tradition and formality. Milk-drinking, on the other hand, has almost no etiquette of its own.
— Photo, Etiquipedia’s private library

Develop Milk Protocol To Rival Wine Niceties

WASHINGTON (UPI) - At President Johnson’s suggestion, U. S. ambassadors recently began serving mostly American wines, rather than foreign vintages, at dinners and receptions overseas. Let us now hear from Rep. Samuel S. Stratton. D-N.Y., whose home district includes both vineyards and dairy farms. In his weekly newsletter, Stratton commended to the attention of the State Department the product of the little old winemakers in his consituency. “Drink Finger Lakes.” he urged. Then, in deference to the cowmen, he added. “I can't help wondering if perhaps the quality of our international diplomacy might not have been enhanced if more milk had been consumed .” Stratton may have a point there, but I rather doubt that milk will become a beverage of diplomacy until something is done about its image. 

Indulge in Niceties 

Diplomats, you know, set great store by protocol and other social niceties. And wine drinking is steeped in ritual, tradition and formality. Milk-drinking, on the other hand, has almost no etiquette of its own. You just slop some of the stuff into a big jelly glass and gulp it down. The first thing to do is to stop delivering milk in thick glass jugs and unesthetic paper cartons. It should be poured from crystal decanters by candlelight. A different milk should be served with each course: skim milk with the salad, homogenized with the entree and buttermilk with dessert. With each in a different type of goblet. The skims and wholes are preferable chilled, but the buttermilks, both cultured and churned, should be served at room temperature. 

Develop Connoisseurs 

The next thing to do is develop milk connoisseurs — experts who can discuss in esoteric lingo the bouquet, texture and flavor of individual milks and identify their backgrounds. The conversations should go something like this: “I believe you will find this next buttermilk interesting. It can hardly be called ‘noble,’ of course, but you have to admire its spirit.” ‘‘Ah, yes, it has a spunky quality that is almost presumptuous. Judging from the tang, which is a bit on the mellow side. I’d say that it came from a 3-year-old Guernsey who grazes on clover on the shady side of a hill 45 miles northwest of Madison. Wis.” Once these criteria have been met, and a little alcohol is added, milk will be well on its way toward winning diplomatic recognition. — From ‘Dick West Reports,’ 1965

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Etiquette for Eating Oranges

Below – An individual silver, Gilded Age orange dish, with inside “spikes” which hold the halved orange in place for graceful dining. Paired with a “Salem witch” orange spoon, with a gilded bowl to protect the sterling silver from citric acid. Salem witch spoons, by Daniel Low, are deemed by many to be the original souvenir spoons.

Specially designed orange spoons and footed orange dishes, with spikes for holding orange halves, were seen on the finest dining tables. Only those who were well-versed in etiquette knew how to use them, and eat their oranges properly.

In ancient times, Alexander the Great named what we now call “oranges,” “Median Apples” and “Persian Apples.” Considered the fruit of emperors and kings, oranges and orange groves were considered one's paradise. France's Louis XIV had his own: “His orangerie at Versailles was built in the shape of a ‘C,’ 1200 feet around, and was the scene of garden parties and masked balls.” And oranges were believed to be the “ultimate preventive” to the threat of a plague, according to physicians of the Italian Renaissance. 

Above– The inside of a footed, tilted, Gilded Age orange dish. 

Oranges were still considered a delicacy throughout most of  the Victorian era. By the 20th century, after refrigerated railroad cars were invented, oranges reached the middle-class in the United States. In the early 1900’s, people in the United States used to consume more fresh oranges than all other fresh fruits combined, with their popularity soaring during the winter holidays.  Though no longer considered a delicacy, oranges continue to hold a special place in children's Christmas stockings.

It is not customary to serve fruit as a first course at dinner, though at a lunch it is quite proper.

First in expensive sterling, then in silverplate, special spoons for oranges became popular table accoutrements.  When oranges were no longer a delicacy, and grapefruits were grown to be more palatable, a serrated edge was added to orange spoons, creating “grapefruit spoons.”

Oranges are seldom served at dinner anymore unless they are specially prepared, that is, with the skin taken off, and the sections divided, in which case the fruit is eaten from a fork.

Grape-fruit must be served ice cold. It is served in two ways: either it is cut in halves, midway between the blossom and the stem end, the seeds removed, the pulp loosened with a sharp knife, but served in the natural skin, to be eaten with a spoon; or the pulp and seeds are entirely removed from the skin with a sharp knife, and the edible part only served in deep dessert plates. Pulverized sugar should accompany grape-fruit. - From *Practical Etiquette by N.C., 1899


*Author's note : “The author is under obligation to so many persons for suggestions and advice, as well as to many authors, that it does not seem best to give a list of the same, especially as such list could be only a partial one, for many of her friends would not desire mention of their names.”
N. C. Dec. 1, 1899

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Gilded Age “Emergency Etiquette”

Humor has long been used to make fun of one’s social foibles. Many of those in power socially, feel the need to appear effortlessly in control of their actions, and that they are above the little faux pas that seem to plague the rest of us on a regular basis. They always seem to make the easiest target of the etiquette satire. 

A Few Points of  Etiquette 

Advice Easy to Remember and Practice in an Emergency

In the mad whirl of the cotillion, if you wear ready made clothing bought from an irresponsible dealer, and hear a h-z-z-z that doesn’t harmonize with the F string on the bass fiddle, it is entirely correct and proper to not “forward and back” according to the commands of the figure caller, but to back straight ahead without balking, until you reach the wall, when a pin neatly utilized may cover your embarrassment and retreat. People who snicker under such circumstances should be put outside the pale of good society. 

When invited out to dinner and you inadvertently get a huge mouthful of mince pie that is hot enough to melt the solder off a gas pipe, tangled up in your epiglottis, do not act as if you had the whooping cough, but arise calmly and with a sleight-of-hand movement toss the offending morsel behind the majolica dog in the corner, meantime patting his head as though you thought him alive. This graceful act never fails to win the heart of your hostess, who thinks you intend her faithful friend to partake of the festivities. 

Some writer on etiquette, a good many years ago, said that it was perfectly proper to eat fried chicken with the fingers. I have often noticed people seize on a wing and rip it open like they would tear a yard of clothing material or a bolt of calico, and so the cracking of the crazy bone was audible all over the dining room. It is true that some fried chickens require heroic treatment, but when an apprentice in etiquette tries to jerk the goose flesh off the second joint of a Louis XIV hen and squirts a streak of gravy into the eye of his neighbor, it does seem that a new code regarding the best manner of shattering the remains of a hard boiled fowl should be introduced. 

When the sheriff of the county serves a subpoena on you, it is considered in good taste to attend his reception without further invitation on his part. Some sticklers on politeness, however, who find that it will prevent their witnessing a ball game, go to the extreme of sending around a physician’s certificate to the effect that they are indisposed from the influence of the sportive element. 

Don't use snuff if your false teeth are not strictly adhesive. I once heard of a case where this rule was not observed, when the transgressor, in a thoughtless moment, nearly knocked the eye out of a King Charles spaniel. In any cases of doubt about the minor points of etiquette a strong bluff on a weak hand, will almost always win. Rochester Union, 1889

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia