Proper Use of the Finger Bowl

For less formal use, the finger bowl is set up on a doily on the dessert plate and is removed with its doily and set at one side to wait until needed. It is bad form to pass a finger bowl without a plate and doily underneath it. The latter should never be omitted, though it is sometimes done ignorantly.

We have all laughed at the story of the country guest who drank from his finger bowl, and his hostess, to put him at ease, followed suit. It would scarcely seem possible in these days for such a mistake to occur, but many well bred people are uncertain as to finger bowl etiquette. Finger bowls are now used at every meal. At breakfast, they are sometimes on the table with the fruit plates and removed with the doily to the side. In some families they are only used with the fruit course; and in others, fresh ones are passed at the close of the meal, after the breakfast plate is removed. 

For lunch or dinner, the finger bowl is passed at the close of the meal; though occasionally it is used if grape-fruit in the rinds is a first course. And in formal families, where servants are trained never to have a vacant space in front of the guest, except just before the dessert course, when the table is brushed, a finger bowl on its plate is set down in front of each guest at the other hand. For less formal use, the finger bowl is set up on a doily on the dessert plate and is removed with its doily and set at one side to wait until needed. It is bad form to pass a finger bowl without a plate and doily underneath it. The latter should never be omitted, though it is sometimes done ignorantly.


A finger bowl doily may be as plain or as elaborate as the taste of the hostess and her pocketbook dictate. For ordinary use, those of fine linen or damask, embroidered with a simple scallop and with the initials of the hostess at one side, are very nice. The popular crocheted doilies are also liked for steady wear, or those in Madeira embroidery. Sheer lace doilies, or heavier ones of fine Cluny, Russian lace, or combinations of filet and eyelet embroidery on fine linen, are in best taste.


When the finger bowl is passed by itself, it is allowed to remain on the doily on the plate; when it is passed on the dessert plate, the bowl and doily are removed together. A finger bowl doily should about cover the center of the plate and must be spotless and well laundered. The fingers should never be wiped on it. A finger bowl is filled with clear, cold water, to a little more than a third of its depth. It can have a slice of lemon in it, a rose geranium, or other scented green leaf. Lemon verbena is delightful in season. Occasionally, a single flower of those used in the table decorations, floats in the finger bowl. Nasturtium blossoms are especially effective. 

If you have not enough finger bowls to go around, better do without them. One bowl shared by two persons is absolutely impermissible. Do not feel it necessary to take a bath with your finger bowl. Dipping the tips of the fingers in the water or rubbing them over the scented leaf, should be all that is needed for a dainty eater. Some well bred persons run their moistened fingers over their lips, but its propriety is a mooted question. Dry the fingers on the napkin unobtrusively. — The New York Times, May, 1909

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Stupidity and Etiquette

The objectionable features of the after-dinner finger-bowl arise principally in the stupid idea that they add to the elegance of the table, as much as does an épergne, and from the other fact that those using them, in order to do homage to the host, who has provided them with much récherché utensils, deem it incumbent on themselves to perform an elaborate after-dinner toilet. —The New York Times, February 1880

FINGER-BOWLS

The objectionable features of an after-dinner toilet

The subjects of finger-bowls, and mouth-cleansers are apparently again agitating the minds of the diners-out. Quite a long time ago, in the Household columns, an opinion was advanced in regard to after-dinner ablutions. Considered as a matter of dinner etiquette, it may be roundly asserted that finger washing after dinner is really an over refinement, and rather disagreeably suggestive than otherwise. If this system of cleansing the hands were pushed a l’outrance, we might require that the servants between the different courses, should go through the same operation, for a good many doubtful thumbs concealed under dingy cotton gloves might be the better for it. Practically considered, however, finger-bowls after dinner are rather useful than ornamental. 

Possibly it is too much for the latter cause that they are used. There are certain fruits which cannot be eaten without sticking the fingers. Confectionery — marron glacé and such things — when partaking of, does make the fingers feel uncomfortably. It is, then, perfectly legitimate to use a finger-bowl and small napkin; even further use may be made of the bowl by dipping the end of the napkin in the water and applying it to the lips. Such as are masculine, with mustaches, find such use of the finger-bowl is comforting to a degree.

All the trouble about it is in the display. Why do people who give dinners, insist on having such highly decorative small-sized hand basins at their tables? The simpler, the less obtrusive they are, the better. In fact, when introduced, they should be brought in last, just as the curtain falls on the dinner, not advanced while the play is going on. Those who use these finger-bowls are often at fault in the way they employ them. They make too much of a business of it. They repeat, on a minor scale, the tubbing process. 

The best table manners are those which are the most quiet. If there is any one thing more uncomfortable than any other, it is to hear your neighbor at the table swishing away, scrubbing his hands, and flicking his napkin around as if it were a jack-towel on a kitchen door. All you have to do is dip your fingers in the water, but you must be a very clumsy feeder if the palms of your hand are sullied; then the business is over. You may, before you begin, dip your napkin in the water and wipe your mouth. But the use of that extra cup inside of the bowl is to be inveighed against as a disgusting thing. No screen made with the hands avails to hide this repulsive act. 

There is something horrible in the idea of one’s rinsing out their mouth at dinner, which recalls the toothbrush or the dentist’s chair. The act of gurgling, and the final expulsion of the fluid, is simply nauseating. This filthiness was never intended, as the usage of the smaller glass. What it was put there for was to wash the outside of the mouth only. The nasty use of it may be called one of the false developments of civilization, and should be held up to scorn. As it is a temptation in the way of the ignorant, it would be wiser to abandon the small glass entirely, and then no mistakes could be made. 

Unusual things at a dinner table are not to be recommended to be recommended; nevertheless there is an Eastern custom, sometimes used in the south of France and in Spain, derived undoubtedly, from the Moors, which is not so much out of the way. At the conclusion of a dinner a servant presents to each guest a large copper basin, which he holds in one hand while with the other he pours from a large metal vessel, which has a spout with a small aperture, a thin stream of water. A very little water, without splashing falls on the fingers of the guest, who then uses his napkin, or takes one from another servant who follows. It is the parade of the thing, however, which renders it objectionable, though it is sensible enough. 

The objectionable features of the after-dinner finger-bowl arise principally in the stupid idea that they add to the elegance of the table, as much as does an épergne, and from the other fact that those using them, in order to do homage to the host, who has provided them with much récherché utensils, deem it incumbent on themselves to perform an elaborate after-dinner toilet. —The New York Times, February 1880

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette After “Sweets Course”

The French ‘Sweets Course’ is known as the ‘Dessert Course’ in the USA, and the ‘Pudding Course’ in the U.K. Above is a vintage British, double-layered, boxed set of silver plated, pudding forks, pudding spoons and a serving fork and spoon.
——————————————
“Just at the close of dinner, after ice cream, pie or pudding has been disposed of and when fruit is about to be served, a dessert plate, with doily and finger bowl upon it is placed before each guest ...”

The Embroidered Doily and Finger Bowl 

That fashionable little embroidered doily is not meant for use. It is laid over the fruit dessert plate and serves as a mat for the finger bowl, which is placed upon it. Just at the close of dinner, after ice cream, pie or pudding has been disposed of and when fruit is about to be served, a dessert plate, with doily and finger bowl upon it is placed before each guest, who removes the finger bowl and the doily and places them at the left of the plate. The finger bowl contains a little water and a bit of lemon. After dipping the fingers in the bowl, they are dried on the dinner napkin, or a regular fruit napkin, provided for that purpose. —San Diego Bee, 1887

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia