Etiquette and Dignity at U.S. Capital

Newcomer wives at the nation’s capital didn’t know the dress or etiquette required of them, “Before the end of the first session, they learn to get their gowns from Paris and their gloves from-who-ever is the most the mode; while about the etiquette of visits and the place they insist on at table they are as inflexible as if they had been born at the White House and never been out of sight of the Capitol.” – Above, public domain image of high fashion from Europe of 1888.

Originally, it is said in history, the United States senate was a very dignified body; its members were returned for many successive terms; they were men who belonged to the old colonial aristocracy, which held itself aloof from and above the people as distinctly as the landed gentry does to-day in England. 

The tradition of this has descended; much of the dignity, it is true, has evaporated, but the recollection of the personal consideration still lingers, and the women of the family make the most of it. It is amusing to watch some of these ladies. 

Many arrive in Washington knowing nothing of the social usages that prevail there; ignorant of the very meaning of precedence; not aware that people ever go in to dinner in any peculiar order or with any significance. They wear high bodied gowns and unfashionable gloves when they first dine out and make their husbands put on yellow cravats to “look like other men.” But all this changes in single season. 

Before the end of the first session, they learn to get their gowns from Paris and their gloves from-who-ever is the most the mode; while about the etiquette of visits and the place they insist on at table they are as inflexible as if they had been born at the White House and never been out of sight of the Capitol. –Adam Badeau in New York World, 1888

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Wearing Gloves While Drinking Tea

Note: Etiquipedia does not condone the following advice regarding the vulgar and pretentious behavior described while taking tea, and this is the first time in decades of research when she has seen the subject so flippantly been advised upon! – “In taking tea a lady may retain her gloves or not, exactly as she chooses. Many buttoned gloves are a nuisance to take off and put on again, and many ladies shirk the trouble. On the other band, fastidious people dislike greasing or soiling a glove which they must continue to wear in that unsightly condition till the end of the entertainment and prefer to remove the glove before eating rich cake or bread and butter.” Oh puhleez!

Points That Make an Afternoon “At Home” Agreeable Guests and Hostess

Introductions at “At homes” must vary according to the tact and judgment of the hostess. They are never general, but if she sees two strangers standing next each other, with no acquaintance near to speak to, she should, as a general rule, make them known to each other in an informal way. She must exercise judgment, however, for the neighbors of a moment may be permanent foes. 

Nothing may be further from the desire of either than a mutual acquaintance. In such a case the hostess, in making them known to each other, has conferred anything but a favor upon either friend. People who are acquaint1ed with each other naturally converse on these occasions, and gentlemen offer to escort ladies to the tearoom without waiting for any prompting from their hostess.

Ladies move about from place to place and from one room to another, speaking to their friends. There is no formality about the entertainment, and a hostess is grateful to those of her guests who help the afternoon to go off well and amuse everybody. 

The hostess’ own hands and those of her daughters are generally so full, if it is at all a large gathering, with trying to entertain people and distribute notice impartially among all that she is delighted if her guests will relieve her of some part of her burden and not stand or sit like marble statues or like bored specimens of humanity, which is even more annoying.

In taking tea a lady may retain her gloves or not, exactly as she chooses. Many buttoned gloves are a nuisance to take off and put on again, and many ladies shirk the trouble. On the other band, fastidious people dislike greasing or soiling a glove which they must continue to wear in that unsightly condition till the end of the entertainment and prefer to remove the glove before eating rich cake or bread and butter.

People stand or sit about the room, their cups or ice plates in their hands. It is better not to remain too close to the table or buffet, as by so doing other guests are prevented from approaching, and the space becomes inconveniently crowded. As soon as the guests have finished their refreshments they should return from the tearoom to the drawing room and give place to others who may wish to follow. – The Expositor, 1896

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Glove Extravagence

“Gloves,” commented a woman recently, could never be had so satisfactorily as now. There is no excuse for any one wearing an ill fitting glove when they can be made to order and a perfect fit obtained. In some places here in New-York gloves are altered while you wait, just as a dress or cloak is. Often one finger will be too long or a thumb too broad or too tight, while the rest of the glove fits perfectly. 
–Image source, Instagram

“Gloves,” commented a woman recently, could never be had so satisfactorily as now. There is no excuse for any one wearing an ill fitting glove when they can be made to order and a perfect fit obtained. In some places here in New-York gloves are altered while you wait, just as a dress or cloak is. Often one finger will be too long or a thumb too broad or too tight, while the rest of the glove fits perfectly. A recent feature in some of the New-York shops is the keeping in repair of gloves sold at such shops. This is often a real convenience to busy wonion, and as the stitch in time is apt to be taken if somebody else will take it, the gloves last longer in consequence.

All of this glove talk is for the economist. The fashionable woman of wealth buys her gloves by the dozen, wears them only till the first freshness has gone, will not have them cleaned, and tosses them aside as she does her faded flowers. Not long ago, in a pretty morning room up town, belonging to the daughter of a rich man even among New-York's rich men, there sat, chatting lightly after the fashion of their kind, four young girls– one the owner of the room, the other three friends. 

They had all been at the same dance the night before, and the hostess was taking down the gown she had worn from the clothes tree, where it hung, to show and comment on a mishap which had nearly ruined its new Parisian elegance. As she did so, the long gloves, exactly the shade of the dress, fell to the floor. One of the girls picked them up. “Thank you,” said their owner, noticing her. “Their usefulness is over, too; but, fortunately, I bought six pairs of the same shade to have plenty of fresh ones.” 

“But these look perfectly fresh yet,” commented another of the girls. “No, they're not,” was the answer. “A pair of gloves to a dance is my invariable rule. And I never wear cleaned gloves.” “Well. I do.” “And I,” “And I,” came from her companions. Whereupon the pretty hostess turned quickly: “Why, girls,” she cried, “if that's the case, go through my glove drawer and stock yourselves up. There’s many a pair there will bear cleaning.” And she drew out a wide, shallow drawer in the bottom of a wardrobe. “Here.” she said, “is where I throw discarded gloves, and every once in a while I bundle off a lot of them to a little friend of mine in the country. She won't miss one drawerful.”

The girls laughed, and seated themselves on the floor before the drawer. The gloves were in balls, a pair to a ball, and when they were unrolled, smoothed, and laid out, not a pair was found with a rent or any marked soil. Seventy genuine pairs of gloves by actual count was the yield of the drawer, which gave each of the three twenty-five pairs apiece, with four pair thrown back for “the little friend in the country.” – From “Her Point of View,” New York Times, 1892

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age “Mrs. Manners” on Dress

“Good taste is indispensable in dress, but that, united to neatness, is all that is necessary—that is the fabled Cestus of Venus which gave beauty to its wearer.”

Mrs. Manners, the highest authority we can possibly quote in such matters, has the following hints to girls, which we can not deny ourselves the pleasure of copying, though they may seem, in part, a repetition of remarks already made:

“Good taste is indispensable in dress, but that, united to neatness, is all that is necessary—that is the fabled Cestus of Venus which gave beauty to its wearer. Good taste involves suitable fabrics—a neat and becoming ‘fitting’ to her figure—colors suited to her complexion, and a simple and unaffected manner of wearing one's clothes. 

A worsted dress in a warm day, or a white one in a cold day, or a light, thin one in a windy day, are all in bad taste. Very fine or very delicate dresses worn in the street, or very highly ornamented clothes worn to church or to shop in, are in bad taste. Very long dresses worn in muddy or dusty weather, even if long dresses are the fashion, are still in bad taste.

“Deep and bright-colored gloves are always in bad taste; very few persons are careful enough in selecting gloves. Light shoes and dark dresses, white stockings and dark dresses, dark stockings and light dresses, are not indicative of good taste. A girl with neatly and properly dressed feet, with neat, well-fitting gloves, smoothly arranged hair, and a clean, well-made dress, who walks well, and speaks well, and, above all, acts politely and kindly, is a lady, and no wealth is required here. 

Fine clothes and fine airs are abashed before such propriety and good taste. Thus the poorest may be so attired as to appear as lady-like as the wealthiest; nothing is more vulgar than the idea that money makes a lady, or that fine clothes can do it.” – From the book “How To Behave,” by Samuel R Wells, 1887

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of La Politesse Française

Do not eat in the street, do not smoke a pipe in the street, do not smoke a cigar in the street, if you are walking with a lady – “not even if you happen to be this lady’s husband.”

Lessons in French Politeness

According to the author of “La Politesse Française,” a work recently published in Paris, a gentleman, when he gives his hand to a friend, must press his friend’s hand but not shake it. If he is about to shake hands with a peasant, he must present his hand ungloved, or the peasant will consider himself insulted. If he is about to shake hands with a lady, he must keep his gloves on. When he offers to conduct a lady to the piano, he must, taking her hand, half-close his own. 

In dancing with a lady, he must “not permit himself” to squeeze her hand; and he must, if he wishes to show himself a true gentleman – or, at least, “un véritable gentleman” spend 18,000 francs, or $3,500, a year on his gloves. A gentleman who spent this each a year on his gloves, of various kinds and colors, would probably, if only for the sake of consistency, treat himself every day to at least one new hat. All, however, that we are told on the subject, is that a gentleman’s hat should always be “bright and brilliant.” A gentleman never altogether separates himself from his hat, though it is not etiquette to wear it in a room. In the street, on meeting an equal of his own sex, he takes it off for a moment. Оn meeting a lady, or superior of his own sex, he remains uncovered until he is told to put his hat on. 

Do not eat in the street, do not smoke a pipe in the street, do not smoke a cigar in the street, if you are walking with a lady – “not even if you happen to be this lady’s husband.” It seems odd to tell a gentleman who is supposed to spend $3,500 a year on his gloves not to smoke a pipe in the street, but we have reproduced this caution as we find it. When you bow, bow properly, but not to deeply that your vertebral column will make a right angle with your legs. 

If an officer in uniform salutes you, do not make yourself ridiculous by returning his salute in military fashion. A lawyer will not only think you silly, but will be greatly irritated if, visiting him on a matter of business, you ask him how he is, inquire after the health of his wife, express a hope that the children are all well, and so on. This sort of talk should be reserved for friends whose time is not valuable or who have no right to charge for it. – The New York Times, 1876

 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette at Gilded Age Receptions and Balls

Ladies and gentlemen both wore gloves on the dance floor; flesh never touched flesh. Kid gloves were supposed to fit so tightly that the outline of the fingernails was visible; they lasted for only one wearing. Fans were essential for more than flirtation, as crowded ballrooms often got very hot. 

– From “To Marry an English Lord”, Photo source, Pinterest

The most brilliant private reception of the season was given last night. The great party consisted of the youth, beauty, tone, and culture of Omaha. The Musical Union Orchestra furnished the music, and the light-toed graces skipped by the hour in easy curves over the smooth floor. 

Wit sparkled in the twinkling eyes of purity, and young men who had “gathered polish” if not as much “moss” as their masculine elders, were favored by pre-emption early in the evening, and cultivated until the separating time. To the more advanced in years, though scarcely less attractive ladies, the men of heavier build attended with many expressions of proper etiquette, suavely given. 

All were in full dress, and a diamond here and there from a starched bosom or dainty ear struck into the onlooking eyes its electric rays in sparkling offset to the animated groups of harmony and beauty. The supper was all that dainty or hearty man or maid might wish to hold appetite against, and to it and to entertaining talk, the hostess and guests gave attention with Omaha gusto. – Omaha Herald, 1887

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and the “Napkin Burrito”

 

Gloves, once removed, had to join evening bag, fan, and large damask napkin, all precariously balanced on a slippery, possibly satin-sheathed lap. Emily Post suggested rather daringly (‘this ought not to be put in a book of etiquette, which should say you must do nothing of the kind’) that one might cover all these objects with the napkin placed cornerwise across the knees ‘and tuck the two side corners under like a lap robe, with the gloves and the fan tied in place, as it were.’” Basically, what she described results in a “burrito” of sorts.

“Creating what I call the ‘napkin burrito’...

“Gilded Age fashion for women dictated every little detail. And when it came to dressing for formal, Gilded Age dinners, bare shoulders for women with covered arms, was the reigning style. Very long, elbow-length, buttoned gloves were the fashionable evening choice, even though the gloves would have to be removed prior to eating one morsel of food. 

These long, multi-buttoned, gloves proved quite difficult to remove gracefully for many women. So difficult, that manufacturers designed gloves that could be rolled back upon the top of the hands in a ‘tacky’ effect, leaving the fingers sticking out from below. It gave a gluttonous appearance of someone in such a hurry to dine, that she just couldn’t be bothered to do what other female members of the dinner party had done — unbuttoned the gloves and removed them completely.

According to Margaret Visser in her book with The Rituals of Dinner, ‘The etiquette manuals were never very sure whether they approved of this labour saving device; Emily Post pronounced it ‘hideous.’ Gloves, once removed, had to join evening bag, fan, and large damask napkin, all precariously balanced on a slippery, possibly satin-sheathed lap. Emily Post suggested rather daringly (‘this ought not to be put in a book of etiquette, which should say you must do nothing of the kind’) that one might cover all these objects with the napkin placed cornerwise across the knees ‘and tuck the two side corners under like a lap robe, with the gloves and the fan tied in place, as it were.’ She went further, since one could no longer count on receiving a very large napkin, and promoted the carrying of paper clips, by gentlemen as well as ladies, to hold the napkin in place. All this assumes that a civilized diner would never require any dabbing at the lips with a napkin during dinner.’

“Basically, what she described results in a ‘burrito’ of sorts. – From Maura J. Graber’s book, “What Have We Here? The Etiquette and Essentials of Lives Once Lived, from the Georgian Era through the Gilded Age and Beyond...”, 2021

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Good Taste in Dress

“Good taste is indispensable in dress, but that, united to neatness, is all that is necessary—that is the fabled Cetus of Venus which gave beauty to its wearer.”

Mrs. Manners, the highest authority we can possibly quote in such matters, has the following hints to girls, which we can not deny ourselves the pleasure of copying, though they may seem, in part, a repetition of remarks already made: 

“Good taste is indispensable in dress, but that, united to neatness, is all that is necessary—that is the fabled cestus of Venus which gave beauty to its wearer. Good taste involves suitable fabrics—a neat and becoming ‘fitting’ to her figure—colors suited to her complexion, and a simple and unaffected manner of wearing one's clothes. A worsted dress in a warm day, or a white one in a cold day, or a light, thin one in a windy day, are all in bad taste. Very fine or very delicate dresses worn in the street, or very highly ornamented clothes worn to church or to shop in, are in bad taste. Very long dresses worn in muddy or dusty weather, even if long dresses are the fashion, are still in bad taste. 

“Deep and bright-colored gloves are always in bad taste; very few persons are careful enough in selecting gloves. Light shoes and dark dresses, white stockings and dark dresses, dark stockings and light dresses, are not indicative of good taste. A girl with neatly and properly dressed feet, with neat, well-fitting gloves, smoothly arranged hair, and a clean, well-made dress, who walks well, and speaks well, and, above all, acts politely and kindly, is a lady, and no wealth is required here. Fine clothes and fine airs are abashed before such propriety and good taste. Thus the poorest may be so attired as to appear as lady-like as the wealthiest; nothing is more vulgar than the idea that money makes a lady, or that fine clothes can do it.”– Samuel R. Wells's How to Behave: The Pocket Manual of Good Manners and Model Behavior, 1870

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

What Have We Here? 18th–20th C. Etiquette

What Have We Here?: The Etiquette and Essentials of Lives Once Lived, from the Georgian Era through the Gilded Age and Beyond...

I have spoken about writing this book for the last few years, and finally the book is now here, available on Amazon. It was a labor of love and I enjoyed every moment of photographing the items I carefully chose to write about, many of which are on the front cover.

There is a lot of information on Gilded Age etiquette (in anticipation of the upcoming Julian Fellowes’ program now filming for HBO in New York) along with Georgian Era and Regency Era etiquette, etc… 

The crazy thing is that it took me several weeks to receive my author copies, but during my wait, people around the world were posting the most wonderful reviews on Instagram! Especially in Italy, where I have made several new friends.

Of course there are plenty of utensils in the book. Favorites are Edwardian era cayenne pepper spoons, like this sterling example below, from 1905.
                   

Gilded Age chocolate spoons with a chocolate muddler, demitasse-sized trembleuse and pots de creme cups.Many other items which are not utensils, but were part of everyday lives, are shown coming from the 1700’s through the early 1900’s. And, of course, there is a lot of etiquette included throughout, including place settings and proper use of glasses and dishes.

The Graber Olive House and beautiful late Spring weather offered a perfect backdrop for much of my photography.

Etiquette for gloves and glove stretchers like this Bailey & Co., sterling silver glove stretcher in the form of a duck, is one of my favorite items. Gloves and glove etiquette figure prominently in the book. And the section on napkins and gloves in the Gilded Age with the appropriately named, “napkin burrito,” is a must read and see!I want to thank all of the readers who have already purchased the book. Your incredible reviews online and Instagram have meant more than you know and make what I do all the more worthwhile.

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and a Bare Era of Arms

“Because a woman's arms must be kept well within the picture and backed against the person, it does not follow that she should move her arms, as most women do, only from the elbows. No gesture could be worse possibly. It expresses the little, the petty, the ungracious, the over anxious to enter the camp of the 400. It stamps a woman at once as nervous and awkward, an overgrown school girl.” —
— The most common image exhibited on the cover of the popular Delineator’s Women’s Magazine throughout the 1890’s, was a bare-armed woman reclining in Grecian style gown. Etiquipedia has no idea whether she was “over anxious to enter the camp of the 400.”
  — Photo from the Etiquipedia private photo library

We are going to have an era of arms. In a general way, arms are things we have with us always, but the chances we are we shall see more of them. The long glove has moderated its ambition: it stops as soon as it is turned the corner of the elbow. One woman in twenty has a prettily modeled elbow and she, you may be sure, does not cover it's dimples with either glove or sleeve. Glove etiquette seems to be a little more liberal than it was before we wore the Greek gown. There are daring spirits who regard its classic folds as a warrant for baring the arm from the finger-tip to shoulder. There are even those who maintain that by wearing the Récamier dress, the same dispensation from gloves may be obtained. Ella Wheeler Wilcox, for example, when she puts on a short wasted white silk is never shy about exposing her long, rounded arms.

The smoke of the fight about the decollete bodice has never enveloped the arm. Annie Jenness Miller says that if a woman's arm is pretty she should give its shapeliness frankly to the world; if it is not pretty she should study sleeves. The ideal arm has a beauty of wholesome, almost a pastoral order; it bears showing. It is clear skinned and rounded, and there is a gracious dimple just at the side of the elbow. The skin is soft, but the flesh is firm. Beneath it's smooth contour it is instinct with the strength that supports a tired child. It is a blemish if the lines are so full as to suggest the seraglio rather than the green fields.

Women who know anything about arms, have thrown their bracelets away. It is a mistaken policy to call attention to a poor arm, and a good one is never so beautiful as when naked. One often sees the value of a wrist absolutely destroyed by a bangle. Gloved or ungloved, sleeved or unsleeved, braceleted or without jewels, the arm grows in importance every day. Genevieve Stebbins Thompson and Madame Albertti and Henrietta Crane Russell and Mabel Jenness and the rest of the esthetes and physical culturists and Delsarteans have been teaching us all winter to pose, and the pity is we begin to “make” our arms before we have taken our degrees. The results are commonly ridiculous or harassing.

The arms of the woman who is not naturally graceful always look stiff and harsh as they lie in her lap motionless. If she is not bitten with any of the artistic fads, she makes an awkward hoop of them, with fingers interlaced. If she has been doing a little amateurish studying of classical collections, she extends them or lets them hang at full length, unflexed in hard, straight lines. The first piece of advice which a well-wisher would give such a woman would be that she allow both arms to fall in free, easy positions, slightly relaxed at the elbows or with the hand drooping a little at the wrist, but she should not allow her left arm to know what her right arm is doing. One ought usually take a somewhat different position from the other, else you overdo the bilateral and look like a jointed doll.

But it is when a woman moves that real difficulties arise. Many a girl makes capital out of handsome arms when she throws them into relief on the tennis ground, flaps like a seal if she shakes hands in a drawing room. The difference is partly in the environment; partly, sometimes in the gown. There's no getting a graceful motion if your dress has a French-fit at the shoulder seams. Most women think there's a fine reserve in restrained gesticulation, and it is true that the woman does not exist who can attitudinize in private life without considerable danger of making herself ridiculous. 

It is commonly assumed that the effect has been calculated if a pretty girl indulges in movement as charming and natural as that of raising her arms to adjust her hair. But because a woman's arms must be kept well within the picture and backed against the person, it does not follow that she should move her arms, as most women do, only from the elbows. No gesture could be worse possibly. It expresses the little, the petty, the ungracious, the over anxious to enter the camp of the 400. It stamps a woman at once as nervous and awkward, an overgrown school girl. Every dignified arm motion starts from the shoulder. In this way only can one get curve or swing. Elbow motion is mechanical, all angles.

You can tell much about a woman by the way in which she shakes hands. The pump-handle motion, fashionable this past winter, was distinctly vulgar, almost as much so as the present squaring of the shoulders, extensions of the elbows and swaggering clutch of the pocket which is sold to one girl in every four with her best spring jacket. Many a woman who is gracefully cordial with an intimate, falls back on a marionette-like wagging from the elbow if called upon to say, “How do you do?” to an important person of whom she stands somewhat in awe. The giving of the hand must be a whole arm motion, but the arm should not be extended full length, except in impulsive welcome; it may be kept rather near the body and the hand allowed to fall low. —San Francisco Call, 1890

Glove etiquette seems to be a little more liberal than it was before we wore the Greek gown. There are daring spirits who regard its classic folds as a warrant for baring the arm from the finger-tip to shoulder. There are even those who maintain that by wearing the Récamier dress, the same dispensation from gloves may be obtained. Ella Wheeler Wilcox, for example, when she puts on a short wasted white silk is never shy about exposing her long, rounded arms.   
— A public domain image of a Récamier dress in Portrait of Madame Récamier by Jacques Louis David, 1800

Etiquette. Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Donning Gloves

An 1879 patent design for a new 3-button glove — “First work on the fingers, keeping the thumb outside of the glove, and the wrist of the glove turned back. When the fingers are in smoothly, put in the thumb and work the glove on very carefully, then placing the elbow on the knee, work on the hand. When this is done, smooth down the wrist and button the second button first, then the third, and so on to the end. Then smooth down the whole glove, and fasten the first button.”

A great deal depends on the first putting on of gloves. Have the hands perfectly clean, dry and cool, and never put on new gloves while the hands are warm or damp. Where a person is troubled with moist hands, it is well to powder them before trying on the gloves; but in most cases, if the hands are dry and cool, this is not needed. 

First work on the fingers, keeping the thumb outside of the glove, and the wrist of the glove turned back. When the fingers are in smoothly, put in the thumb and work the glove on very carefully, then placing the elbow on the knee, work on the hand. When this is done, smooth down the wrist and button the second button first, then the third, and so on to the end. Then smooth down the whole glove, and fasten the first button. 

Fastening the first button last when putting on a glove for the first time, makes a good deal of difference in the fit. although it may seem but a very little thing. It does not strain the part of the glove that is the easiest to strain at first, and prevents the enlarging of the button-holes, either of which is sure to take place if you begin at the first button to fasten the glove. 

When removing gloves, never commence at the tips of the fingers to pull them off, but turn back the wrist and pull off carefully, which will of course, necessitate their being wrong side out. Then turn them right side out, turn the thumb in, smooth them out lengthwise in as near as possible the shape they would be in if on the hands, and place away with a strip of white canton flannel between if the gloves are light, but if dark colored, the flannel may be omitted. 

Never roll gloves into each other in a wad, for they will never look well after. There is always some moisture in them from the hands; consequently when rolled up this moisture has no chance of drying, and must work into the gloves, making them hard and stiff, and of very little use after, as far as looks or fit are concerned.— The Boston Budget, 1888

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Etiquette of Gloves and Fans

Etiquipedia has not found any other resource stating that women wore gloves when “taking tea” but it is possible the authors actually meant a literal definition of ‘taking the tea,’ and that the gloves were removed prior to ‘drinking’ said tea. Then again, the author may not take into consideration that history was littered with people exhibiting bad manners, just as they do today. This is just one example... Why bother removing one’s gloves for dinner, when one can just unbutton them at the wrists, tuck the ‘fingers’ under, and shove them back as the blithely unthinking character Michelle Pfeiffer played in the film, ‘Age of Innocence’ did? Plenty of women were said to have ignored the etiquette of the day, and used this method to get to their food more quickly at social events and suppers. It remains tacky, gauche and totally incorrect!

Women wore long, over-the-elbow gloves, for dinners. These were taken off at the dinner table and kept in one's lap while one ate. It was not easy taking off a tight fitting set of gloves and keeping them on one's lap when wearing a slick silk dress. 

Etiquette books warned against leaving the gloves on, and just folding back the portion that covered the hand. So this must have been a common expediency. 

A common sight at the end of dinner, when the women were ready to withdraw, was men down on their hands and knees picking up the gloves and fans that had fallen to the floor during the dinner.

When one took tea, one wore gloves, but one took off gloves to eat at that same tea. Women put on gloves to shake hands while men would remove their right glove to perform this honor.  A hostess would never wear gloves. — From Forgotten Elegance, 2001

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Dining Etiquette and Gloved Ones

                            

“To eat with gloves on is female snobbery.” — There are many things one can do whilst wearing a lovely pair of gloves. But, ladies, it is incorrect to wear rings over gloves or eat whilst wearing them!

Another Etiquette Query

“One in Doubt” asks whether etiquette requires a lady to keep her gloves on while partaking of refreshments at an evening party.


Now, Miss Bwoun did try, in a very silly way, some years ago, to foster that absurd fashion of eating with her gloves on. If she had not been laughed out of it, she would have worn her Marquise ring outside of her glove. To eat with gloves on is female snobbery. 

Young women who go out to parties may be lavish of gloves, and may be indifferent to smearing them with lobster salad, or to have the first finger and thumb darkened where the spoon touches them. But nothing is prettier than the freshness of a woman's hand, and the best fitting glove is, after all, but an awkward thing. Gloved hands that feed, to keep up the whole dignity of the thing, should find mouths which were hidden behind veils. — The New York Times, July 1880

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia