Etiquette for Upstairs and Downstairs

Responsible for all the actual lifting and carrying in the front of the house: calling cards on silver salvers, a tray of tea, newspapers for the gentlemen.

One of the shocks for the new American bride was having to deal with English servants. She must always be aware of the hierarchy — and of its principal members.

THE BUTLER
In charge of the front of the house. Too elevated for menial tasks (decant ing wine was the most physical he got), the butler oversaw the men servants and the silver.

THE HOUSEKEEPER
In charge of the bedrooms and the servants’ quarters. Matters of cleaning and household maintenance (linens, in ventories) and the house maids’ morals were the housekeeper’s bailiwick, a huge ring of keys her badge of office.

THE CHEF
In pretentious houses, always French and paid outrageously. He was often locked in a vendetta with the housekeeper.

FOOTMEN
Responsible for all the actual lifting and carrying in the front of the house: calling cards on silver salvers, a tray of tea, newspapers for the gentlemen. Footmen also waited at table, accompanied Milady on errands to carry her packages, and stood around wearing livery and looking decorative on formal occasions. The best ones were easy to look at.

MILADY’S MAID
Entrusted with washing and arranging Milady's hair, mending and refur bishing and cleaning her clothes, and helping her in and out of them. She also took care of the jewels and accompanied Milady on visits.

THE HOUSEMAIDS
Numberless faceless creatures who did all the cleaning and dusting in the front of the house (at the crack of dawn before the gentry were awake) and in the bedrooms (when their occupants were down at meals).

THE VALET
Responsible for keeping Milady’s husband neat. Besides laying out and caring for his clothes, the valet made travel arrangements, loaded his guns at shoots and boasted about him in the servants’ quarters. — From “To Marry an English Lord,” by Gail MacColl and Carole McD. Wallace

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Gilded Age “Calling-Hat”

An English lady, one of the combination English set now here — the H.O. Bax-Ironside, Dunraven, Marlborough, Paget party— appeared twice in a fall hat of lace. Once it was at Newport and once in New York. The appearances were only brief “calling afternoons,” but the hat was much admired. American women are quick to pick up what is good, and immediately the lace calling-hat was adopted. “Not because it is English,” explained an American lady very earnestly to her milliner, “but because I see — what you have often tried to impress upon me— the becomingness of anything soft and full around the face.”

The Tulle Lace Hat of 1895

The Autumn winds which blew Lords and Dukes over here for various purposes of conquest, more or less successful, blew along a style that is much in vogue in London, but has never been popular here. This is the fashion for wearing the tulle or lace hat for dressy occasions. We like it for golf or tennis or the lawn party or the country drive. But Londoners like it for the theater, for the park and for the calling occasion.


An English lady, one of the combination English set now here — the H.O. Bax-Ironside, Dunraven, Marlborough, Paget party— appeared twice in a fall hat of lace. Once it was at Newport and once in New York. The appearances were only brief “calling afternoons,” but the hat was much admired. American women are quick to pick up what is good, and immediately the lace calling-hat was adopted. “Not because it is English,” explained an American lady very earnestly to her milliner, “but because I see — what you have often tried to impress upon me— the becomingness of anything soft and full around the face.”


As all who want a sudden lace hat for fall, who do not boast a regular milliner nor know one who would get up such a creation inexpensively, the rule for making it may be briefly stated. It is from the memorandum book of a Fifth Avenue milliner, who jotted it down the lines for aiding her head milliner, who was desirous of getting up a number of them.


“Take the wire frame of a summer tulle hat. The larger the frame the better, no matter what the shape, so long as the brim is flaring. Gather three yards of fine lacy chiffon upon the brim, letting the lace weave in and out of the wire until not an inch of wire is visible. This is done by laying the chiffon on top of the frame and pulling it through into big loose scallops. A few stitches hold it smoothly in place.


“The chiffon should be exactly the color of the trimmings of the fall suit. The very swell Newport caller chose white, embroidered in pale brown. Cover the top of the frame with the plain part of the chiffon. Now get two yards of striped velvet ribbon that includes all the shades of the costume, and make into a great, broad upstanding bow. Fasten with an emerald pin at one side of the crown and you have the the fall lace hat. It is simple enough and very becoming to everybody.” — San Jose Mercury, 1895

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Dress Code Insults Etiquette?

The late, Harold Brooks-Baker, an American authority on British nobility who was a sought-after commentator on the doings -- serious, scandalous or merely ridiculous -- of the British royal family, was at one time managing director of Debrett’s. He published in 1978 a tongue-in-cheek, bestselling guide to The English Gentleman, who “does not drive a Rolls-Royce unless it is very old and smells of dogs”, and always “speaks to the engineer before a train trip because of an old belief that he owns the railroad.”

When Black Tie Became an Insult

(Reuter’s) LONDON — 

 

President Reagan’s protocol staff inadvertently insulted Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev by insisting that he wear a black tie (dinner jacket) at a summit banquet, according to Britain’s leading etiquette expert at the time.

Harold Brooks-Baker of Burke’s Peerage, a guide to the British aristocracy, told reporters it was an insult to mark “black tie” on invitations because international custom requires the guest of honor to be given the choice of dress.

Reagan was the Kremlin leader’s host at a White House banquet during the historic U.S.-Soviet summit meeting in Washington D.C., in December of 1987.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Obeisance

Lord Carisbrooke – The “Marquess of Carisbrooke“ was a title created in 1917 for Prince Alexander of Battenberg, the eldest son of Princess Beatrice of the United Kingdom (the youngest daughter of Queen Victoria) and Prince Henry of Battenberg. He was also made Viscount Launceston, in the County of Cornwall, and Earl of Berkhamsted at the same time, all in the Peerage of the United Kingdom. At this time, along with other German-surnamed relations of the British Royal family, Alexander changed his surname to Mountbatten. Confused yet??? Sadly, all of these titles became extinct upon his death in 1960, as he had no sons.- Photo Public Domain

It was hard for Gotham Society to know the right amount of deference and respect to show when they were unknowingly dealing with a “Minor Royal”

Gotham Society– with a very large, capital S– is considerably exercised over the proper amount of obeisance due Lord Carisbrooke, its at present most distinguished guest. Because he is a grandson of Queen Victoria and brother of the Queen of Spain, his hosts and fellow guests started in by giving him regular court curtsies and presenting women to him as rapidly as all the rest of what they deemed his due. Then along came carping critic and laughted them to scorn. 

“He’s not a Prince of the Blood” he told them. ‘‘He must he getting a lot of fine laughs out of you. Etiquette doesn’t let you treat him any different from any other gentleman.” The most embarrassed person among the mis-steppers is one who is credited with ambitions to be made ambassador to the Court of St. James and now he’s given it away that he doesn’t even know court etiquette!– Press Democrat, 1921

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette, Royal Titles and Diana

Fondly remembered as the “People’s Princess,” Diana’s life continues to fascinate in books, traveling exhibits and television programs, over 20 years after her death.

In 1985, Titles Created a Royal Problem for the Masses, And Miss Manners Responded

She is not “Princess Diana.” You perhaps know the lady Miss Manners means –the blonde one who wears hats so nicely but has not always managed to keep her hair out of her eyes. 

Born a commoner, she was styled "Lady Diana" by courtesy because her father is an earl. She is now, having married up, “the Princess of Wales.” Only should she become Queen consort would a royal title appear before her first name, as “Queen Diana.” Is that clear? Of course not. 

We Americans decided long ago that the idea of classifying some people as belonging to a higher order of humanity was not for us. Our highest title is “Mr.,” as in “Mr. President,” and it takes the individual some doing to get it. But the British do show up on our shores now and again, so one may want to know a bit about titles. 

Besides, it is difficult to make one's way through 19th-century British novels or 20th-century British television without being able to figure out who is called what and why. The subject is infinitely complicated, and disputes have been known to last for centuries. Miss Manners will concern herself only with the basic outline. Only the reigning Queen and her mother (as the widow of the previous King) are addressed as “Your Majesty,” other members of the royal family being addressed as “Your Royal Highness.” Children of the Sovereign also use the prefix “the,” as in “Their Royal Highnesses, the Prince and Princess of Wales.”

The peerage has five grades: duke, marquess (most use the good old English spelling rather than the French “marquis”), earl, viscount and baron. The female equivalents, for wives or widows (the latter styled dowager, if the succeeding peer has a wife) are: duchess, marchioness, countess, viscountess and baroness. Except for dukes and duchesses, who are called by those titles, peers and peeresses are addressed as “Lord” or “Lady” with the name of the senior peerage they possess. Legally, the children of these people are all commoners. 

However, dukes, marquesses and earls tend to have other titles as well, and by courtesy, their oldest sons use the next family title down until after, courteously enough, the funerals, not the deaths, of their fathers. Then there are titled commoners: baronets, whose degrees of honor are hereditary, and knights, whose are not. They use “Sir” before their full names, but are addressed with the title and given name only. Their wives use “Lady” with the surname only, never with their given names (a common American error). 

This is only the beginning. Miss Manners will not bore you with collateral privileges of the siblings of heirs presumptive who succeed, the rights of duchesses who were divorced in interesting trials, the children of peers who disclaimed their peerages, and so on. She only asks you to stop saying “Princess Diana.” – By Judith Martin, October 27, 1985

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Reagan’s Royal Etiquette Blunder

The late, Harold Brooks-Baker, an American authority on British nobility who was a sought-after commentator on the doings -- serious, scandalous or merely ridiculous -- of the British royal family, was at one time managing director of Debrett’s. He published in 1978 a tongue-in-cheek, bestselling guide to The English Gentleman, who “does not drive a Rolls-Royce unless it is very old and smells of dogs”, and always “speaks to the engineer before a train trip because of an old belief that he owns the railroad.”

“Princess David?” No, a royal blunder! Charles and Diana may be casual about etiquette, but not their names!

President Reagan made a double gaffe at a White House dinner by first calling his guest “Princess David” and then “Princess Diane,” a royal genealogist said Sunday in London. Reagan erred by not using her official title, the Princess of Wales, and when he tried to correct himself he got it wrong again by muddling Diana's name. “It's like calling Queen Elizabeth II ‘Libby’ or something like that,” said Harold Brooks-Baker, publishing director of Burke's Peerage, one of the bibles of British bluebloods. While the Princess is popularly referred to in the news media as Princess Diana, her official title is the Princess of Wales, which is what she is called at all official functions. Brooks-Baker said he blamed Reagan's speechwriter and the British and American protocol experts who were given advance copies of the speech for the breach of royal etiquette not the President. “He's not to know, but his advisers are to know,” Brooks-Baker told The Associated Press. “It's no wonder the Prince of Wales looked somewhat downcast after the President proposed the toast.” 

The gaffes came while Reagan was making a toast at a White House dinner Saturday night attended by show business celebrities such as Clint Eastwood, John Travolta and Neil Diamond. While millions of Americans watching the Prince and Princess of Wales on television might not notice, Brooks-Baker said the two are changing royal etiquette. “Right at the top is the fact that they behave as equals. It is no longer prince and consort ... or Queen and Consort, as it is still with the Queen and Prince Philip,” he said. “More often than not, on this tour, we have seen the Princess of Wales taking the lead. Then, there are the public displays of affection. Never, previously, would royal couples dream of kissing in public, as the Prince has kissed the Princess.” 

On their Washington trip, Brooks-Baker said, the royal couple are keeping to the “royal, and upper class, tradition of separate bedrooms, though never before would there have been photographs of royal sleeping arrangements as there have been recently, ostensibly to publicize English design. Royalty should never be used for advertising.” He said the choice of Palm Beach for the couple's next stop also surprised many Americans, especially the poor and homeless. “Palm Beach is a symbol of the thoughtless, vulgar, nouveau riche, careless of the plight of others,” the U.S.-born Brooks-Baker said. “It is like asking the Pope to go to Sodom and Gomorrah.”  — (By Edith M.Lederer, AP) San Bernardino Sun, 1985

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J.Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette of Royal Court Precedency

Consuelo Spencer-Churchill, Duchess of Marlborough, was a member of the prominent American Vanderbilt family. Her marriage to Charles Spencer-Churchill, 9th Duke of Marlborough became an international symbol of the socially advantageous, but loveless, “Dollar Princess” marriages, which were so common during the Gilded Age.

The new Duchess of Marlborough takes the lead in the order of precedency at Court. According to English Court etiquette, women take the same rank as their husbands or brothers. The order of precedency is as follows down to Dukes: The Sovereign, the Prince of Wales, the Queen's younger sons, grandsons of the Sovereign, Archbishop of Canterbury, the Lord High Chancellor, Archbishop of York, Lord President of the Council, the great Lord Chamberlain, the Earl Marshal. 

The last four named rank above all peers of their own degree; Dukes according to their patent of creation (1, Dukes of England; 2, of Scotland; 3, of Great Britain; 4, of Ireland). 

The following is the date of creation of twelve of the twenty-two Dukes:

• Marlborough, 1702; 
• Brandon, 1711:
• Portland, 1716;
• Manchester, 1719;  
• Newcastle 1756; 
• Northumberland, 1766; 
• Cumberland 1799;
• Wellington, 1814; 
• Sutherland, 1833; 
• Westminster, 1874; 
• Fife, 1889; and 
• Argyll, 1892

                         From the San Francisco Call, 1895

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Etiquette for Royal Court Presentation and Foreign Titles

Elisabeth of Austria, was the wife of Emperor Franz Joseph I, and thus Empress of Austria and Queen of Hungary.– “Emperors and empresses rank higher than kings. The sons and daughters of the emperor of Austria are called archdukes and archduchesses, the names being handed down from the time when the ruler of that country claimed himself no higher title than that of archduke.”

Foreign Titles

We have no titles in this country, or rather we have so many, and they are so indiscriminately worn, that they are wellnigh worthless. We have, at least, no orders of nobility; nevertheless, as our citizens are constantly visiting foreign countries, it is well to understand something of titles and ranks and their contingent orders of precedence.


Royalty

In England, as is well known, the king and queen are placed at the apex of the social structure. The mode by which they are addressed is in the form "Your Majesty."


The Prince of Wales, the heir-apparent to the throne, stands second in dignity. The other children are all known during their minority as princes and princesses. The eldest princess is called the crown princess. Upon their majority the younger sons have the title of duke bestowed upon them and the daughters retain that of princesses, adding to that the title of their husbands. They are all designated as "Their Royal Highnesses."


Nobility

A duke who inherits the title from his father stands one grade below a royal duke. The wife of a duke is known as a duchess. They are both addressed as " Your Grace." The eldest son is a marquis until he inherits the higher title of his father. His wife is a marchioness. The younger sons are lords by courtesy, and the daughters are distinguished by having " Lady " prefixed to their Christian names.

Earls and barons are both spoken of as lords and their wives as ladies, though the latter are by right respectively countesses and baronesses. The daughters of the former are "ladies," the younger sons of both "honorables." The earl occupies the higher position of the two in the peerage.

These complete the list of nobility, unless we include bishops, who are lords in right of their ecclesiastical office, but whose title is not hereditary.


All These Below are Entitled to Seats in the Upper House of Parliament

Gentry, Baronets, who are known as " Sir," and whose wives, in common with those of a higher order, receive the title of lady, are only commoners of a higher degree, though there are families who have borne their title for many successive generations who would hot exchange it for a recently created peerage.

A clergyman, by right of his calling, stands on an equality with all commoners, a bishop with all peers.


Esquire

The title of esquire, which is brought into such general use in this country that it has come to mean nothing whatever save an empty compliment, has special significance in England. The following in that country have a legal right to the title:

The sons of peers, whether known in common conversation as lords or honorables.

The eldest sons of peers' sons, and their eldest sons in perpetual succession.

All the sons of baronets.

The esquires of the Knights of the Bath.

Lords of manors, chiefs of clans and other tenants of the crown in capite are esquires by prescription.

Esquires created to that rank by patent, and their eldest sons in perpetual succession.

Esquires by office, such as justices of the peace while on the roll, mayors of towns during mayoralty and sheriffs of counties (who retain the title for life).

Members of the House of Commons.

Barristers-at-law.

Bachelors of divinity, law and physic.

All who, in commissions signed by the sovereign, are ever styled esquires retain that designation for.

Depiction of Queen Victoria giving the Bible to an African Chief in her Audience Chamber, 1861- by Thomas Jones Barker. Not eligible to be presented at court, but... “Those of more democratic professions, such as solicitors, merchants and mechanics, have not, as a rule, that right, though wealth and connexion have recently proved an open sesame at the gates of St. James.” 

Imperial Rank

Emperors and empresses rank higher than kings. The sons and daughters of the emperor of Austria are called archdukes and archduchesses, the names being handed down from the time when the ruler of that country claimed himself no higher title than that of archduke. The emperor of Russia is known as the czar, the name being identical with the Roman caesar and the German kaiser. The heir apparent to the Russian throne is the czarowitch.


European Titles

Titles in continental Europe are so common and so frequently unsustained by landed and moneyed interests that they have not that significance which they hold in England. A count may be a penniless scamp, depending upon the gambling-table for a precarious subsistence, and looking out for the chance of making a wealthy marriage. It is sorrowful and humiliating to know that there are many American girls who are willing to forego the right of being republican queens and to sell themselves and their fortunes to a foreign adventurer for the privilege of being known as countesses or baronesses.

A German baron may be a good, substantial, unpretending man, something after the manner of an American farmer. A German prince or duke, since the absorption of the smaller principalities of Germany by Prussia, may have nothing left him but a barren title and a meagre rent-roll. The Italian prince is even of less account than the German one, since his rent-roll is too frequently lacking altogether, and his only inheritance may be a grand but decayed palace, without means sufficient to keep it in repair or furnish it properly.

Yet not all foreign titles are worthless and unmeaning, nor are all those bearing them swindlers or adventurers. There is only one rule to guide a stranger in these matters: let him look to the individual direct and judge of his character impartially, without allowing himself to be dazzled by the glitter of a fine-sounding title and a long-descended coat-of-arms. If the title is found to become him, so much the better.

PRESENTATION AT COURT

It is frequently a satisfaction to an American to be presented to the queen during a sojourn in England. It is at least something to talk about when one returns home; and as the queen is really a good woman, worthy of all honor, we, even as a born republican, can find no valid cause for objection.


Those Eligible To Presentation At Court

The nobility, with their wives and daughters, are eligible to presentation at court unless there be some grave moral objection, in which case, as it has ever been the aim of the good and virtuous queen to maintain a high standard of morality within her court, the objectionable parties are rigidly excluded.

The clergy, naval and military officers, physicians and barristers and the squirearchy, with their wives and daughters, have also a right to pay their personal respects to their queen.


Those Not Eligible

Those of more democratic professions, such as solicitors, merchants and mechanics, have not, as a rule, that right, though wealth and connexion have recently proved an open sesame at the gates of St. James.


Those Who May Present Others

Any person who has been presented at court may present a friend in his or her turn. A person wishing to be presented must beg the favor from the friend or relative of the highest rank he or she may possess.

Articles of Union being presented to Queen Anne in 1706, from Hutchinson's Story of the British Nation c.1923- by Johann Gerhard Huck 

Preliminaries To Presentation

Any nobleman or gentleman who proposes to be presented to the queen must leave at the lord chamberlain's office before twelve o'clock, two days before the levee, a card with his name written thereon, and with the name of the nobleman or gentleman by whom he is to be presented. In order to carry out the existing regulation that no presentation can be made at a levee excepting by a person actually attending that levee, it is also necessary that a letter from the nobleman or gentleman who is to make the presentation, stating it to be his intention to be present, should accompany the presentation card above referred to, which will be submitted to the queen for Her Majesty's approbation. These regulations of the lord chamberlain must be implicitly obeyed.

Directions at what gate to enter and where the carriages are to stop are always printed in the newspapers.

These directions apply with equal force to ladies and to gentlemen.


Presentation Costume

The person to be presented must provide himself or herself with a court costume, which need not be particularly described here, but which for men consists partly of knee-breeches and hose, for women of an ample court train. These costumes are indispensable, and can be hired for the occasion.


The Presentation

It is desirable to be early to escape the crowd. When the lady leaves her carriage, she must leave everything in the shape of a cloak or scarf behind her. Her train must be carefully folded over her left arm as she enters the long gallery of St. James, where she awaits her turn for presentation.

The lady is at length ushered into the presencechamber, which is entered by two doors. She goes in at the one indicated to her, dropping her train as she passes the threshold, which train is instantly spread out by the wands of the lords-in-waiting. The lady then walks forward toward the sovereign or the person who represents the sovereign. The card on which her name is inscribed is then handed to another lord-in-waiting, who reads the name aloud.

When she arrives just before His or Her Majesty, she should curtsey as low as possible, so as to almost kneel.

If the lady presented be a peeress or peer's daughter, the queen kisses her on her forehead. If only a commoner, then the queen extends her hand to be kissed by the lady presented, who, having done so, rises, curtseys to each of the other members of the royal family present, and then passes on. She must keep her face turned toward the sovereign as she goes to and through the door leading from the presence-chamber. Considerable dexterity is required in managing the train in this backward transit, and it is well to rehearse the scene beforehand.


Rights Of Peers And Peeresses

Peeresses in their own right, as well as peers, may demand a private audience of their sovereign.

— From "The Ladies' and Gentlemen's Etiquette, A Complete Manual of the Manners and Dress of American Society" by E. B. Duffey ~ 1877 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia