College Classroom Etiquette

“College classes build off of each other, each assuming a base set of knowledge has been acquired before it is taken. Handing out a passing grade to a student who has not learned anything from the class sets them up for an even greater failure in their next one. The only people responsible for our successes or failures is ourselves.” 

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College classroom behavior has changed tremendously over the past 65 - 75 years. Not only have all of the technological advances achieved created a different learning atmosphere, societal changes have created waves of change on their own. Still, the need for classroom etiquette, respect for teachers, and respect for other students has always been, and remains now, extremely important.

Classes need more etiquette To my right, two people are talking excitedly about their weekend. To my left, someone absent-mindedly flips through their Facebook comments on their iPhone. Just in front of me, another person is listening to music with one ear bud in, all but hidden from view in her hair. A cell phone goes off, with a top-40 song clamoring out not too long before being silenced by its owner. Can you guess what’s wrong with this picture? 

We aren’t in a cafe, or sitting on a bus, we are sitting in the middle of a college class. Somewhere at the front, the teacher talks about the subject at hand, though I couldn’t tell you what it is. Sifting through all the other noise its difficult, and I can only catch so much with the murmuring all around. The instructor pauses from time to time, leveling dagger eyes in the direction of the loudest offender; waiting for the noise to subside before continuing. But this affords only a brief respite before the conversation creeps back in from the corners of the classroom, and the lesson is lost in the clamor once more. 

One would hope this kind of behavior would die out after graduating high school. College isn’t mandatory. Remember, we sign up for these classes, hand selected to fill our learning objectives and set us on the path toward a lucrative future. And students have to pay far too much in the eyes of many to attend. One would imagine the hefty price tag might lend a certain gravity and prompt students to take their classes seriously, as failing a class represents a monumental waste of money and time.

So why do so many students roll into class in the last fifteen minutes, or show up to pay absolutely no attention to the teacher? This is no time to be trying to be cool. Few employers will care about how popular you are perceived to be. Few employers will look beyond whether you have the qualifications they are seeking, and those who don’t give their classes the attention they deserve put getting those at risk. And yet, classrooms are plagued by disrespectful students who insist on disrupting the class, robbing not only themselves of quality education, but stealing it from others who show up with a serious desire to learn. At least, some realize the the jig is up, but there’s another group who think that although they have attended only a fraction of the classes, they will get a good grade.

They pile around the instructor after class, armed to the teeth with excuses and plea bargains that they will get a good grade, asking for extra credit, extra time, for a grade they don’t deserve, because they “really need an A in this class!” Often it is too late, and they loudly decree how the teacher doesn’t like them, it’s personal, it’s racist, it’s because they’re just mean or don’t care. Teachers do care. They care enough to work in a thankless job where disinterested students pay them little to no heed. And they care enough to fail those students, making sure they only move forward when they are finally armed with the knowledge they need to succeed. 

Teachers want to help others reach their goals, but those goals must be earned. Giving out grades to students who don’t deserve them is not only unfair to the ones who give their all in the classroom, it hurts the ones pleading for them too. College classes build off of each other, each assuming a base set of knowledge has been acquired before it is taken. Handing out a passing grade to a student who has not learned anything from the class sets them up for an even greater failure in their next one. The only people responsible for our successes or failures is ourselves. Give each class your all, and you may be surprised how much it gives back to you. — Phillip Khun, Experience Perspectives, 2013

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

School Etiquette for Parents

"Helicopter Parenting" was just beginning to be a  problem, back in 1969!  —Thousands of mothers are facing up to a child going off to school for the very first time and not knowing how to behave!

Mothers! Observe ‘School Etiquette’

Etiquette books are filled with sound rules about not digging into your hominy grits with a knife and the good ones have chapters covering wedding invitations and how much to tip the butler after a weekend at Mrs. Rich’s estate. But here we are in the first semester of the school year and what, I ask, have the noble, knowledgeable rule-givers done about that? Thousands of mothers are facing up to it for the very first time and not knowing how to behave. 

I observed some on the first day of school. Three were crying; four lurked on the lawn until recess; one brought the teacher a list entitled, Things to Remember about Paul. Why didn’t someone tell them the way to leave a child? (Shake hands with teacher with one’s right hand and, at the same time, with the left hand, give child a deft thrust into room.) 

It’s nice to know the fine points on accepting gracefully a child’s first drawing. (Holding paper carefully, turn it around and around and say, “It’s so colorful! Wasn't this fun?” Do not EVER say, “What a pretty kitty!” or “Such a NICE tree,” because things are never what they seem to be.) 

Then there’s the first time the child announces he is never going to school again, although, heaven knows, nobody can really give us a rule on how to act here. (Just remember how wonderful life can be without his throwing a ball against the house and singing, “Oh! You! Pretty Chitty Bang Bang!" the livelong day. You’ll think of something.)

We need pointers on how to behave at school meetings. In theory, parents and teachers come together to discuss ways and means of improving school conditions. In reality, these meetings are usually long discussions on whether or not the fall festival money should buy new roll-away bleachers for the gym or new saw horses to block off the playground during the fall festival. A parent must go to the meetings so his child’s room can win the attendance award. 

During the meetings, do not ask about reading programs or the quality of school lunches. This marks one as inexperienced or, at the least, stupid. It would be helpful if schools would issue brochures listing jobs you can do for them throughout the year. Time, tempers and manners would he more easily controlled if one could only check off “Sell candy bars for band uniforms” or "Dance chaperone" or “Lunch room duty." Because this is not the practice at most schools, all I can tell you is to be tactful and patient when your telephone rings eight million times daily. 

Some parents would like to know the proper way of giving advice when school officials ask opinions on textbooks or teaching methods. Don’t waste time worrying about this. The problem simply never comes up. —By Betty Canary, The Desert Sun, 1969

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

5 Etiquette Tips to Create a Good Relationship with Your Child's Teacher

Strive to be a good role model in etiquette for your child - "Although character education is a hot topic in schools across the nation, education in manners generally receives scant attention. With growing demands on teaching time, etiquette is rarely a priority. But it might be a mistake to ignore the adage that actions speak louder than words." From Education World, 2010

Now that the children have made the adjustment back into school mode, begin to develop a good working relationship with your child’s teacher.  You are both team players working for the best interest of your child.  Being adversarial only aggravates the situation and your child will suffer from either embarrassment or not getting the help he/she really requires.  The following tips will assist you towards making a good impression.

1. Make a polite effort to open up the lines of communication – If possible, have a face to face introduction with the teacher and your child even before the school schedules a “Meet n’ Greet”.  Exchange email addresses to express any concerns that may develop.  Teachers may give out their home phone numbers to schedule a phone conversation. Please don’t abuse this privilege by telephoning about unimportant topics. Remember that your child is just one of many that makes up a classroom, and the teacher has limited free time available.

2. Respect the parent/teacher conference schedule – Arrive on time and use your alloted time wisely. Your child’s teacher often has more than 25 students in a class, and their families to interview as well. If you will be late for some reason, contact the teacher to reschedule. He/she may not be able to stay longer at the school to accommodate you.

"In 1999, 73% of Americans in an ABC News/World News Tonight poll thought manners were worse than 20 or 30 years ago. Respondents primarily placed the blame on inadequate parenting. They also cited movies and television shows that encouraged children to be less respectful of others. Under those circumstances, it's no surprise that manner illiteracy is rampant in classrooms from coast to coast." From Education World, 2010

3. Don’t place unrealistic expectations on the teacher – If your child seems bored or gifted, asking for extra work or special treatment may be unfair until yearly testing is done.  However, if your child has issues like allergies, behavioural problems, or a learning disability, the school needs to know and will make every effort to accommodate his/her needs.

The fine points of acceptable manners will vary slightly from place to place and from decade to decade. Experts agree however, that behavior based on respect is still the ultimate goal. Sadly, too many adults are exhibiting less civility toward one another, and children are unfortunately following suit with their peers and teachers in the classroom, and at school.

4. Reduce chaos in your child's morning – Preparing the night before will make the morning rush less chaotic. Set a structure for your child to follow. Help your child to be prepared each day with lunch made, homework completed and clean clothes to wear.  

5. Punctuality is polite – Be punctual for school. Ten minutes before the first bell. This is a good life lesson for your child as it shows respect for people’s time.  Tardy children disrupt their classmates and the teacher in the middle of instructing.  If your child will be late arriving by bus or absent from school, please let the school know in a timely manner.

Working together will mean the greatest success for your child.  Be open to the observations that your child’s teacher may reveal to you in areas of socialisation as well as scholastics that may assist your child.  Keeping a positive outlook will mean a terrific school year for you, your child and your child’s teacher.

By Canadian Contributor Maria Doll ~ An etiquette coach, Maria has been conducting personal consultations, workshops, camps and seminars for children, teens and young adults since 2009. Her etiquette program and company Leadership Matters has been featured in print, radio & television media.




Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia