Treating Servants Fairly

Not all servants in the early 20th century were as well-treated or content as those characters which were depicted in television’s “Downton Abbey.” Some common courtesy and thoughtfulness of treatment by the employers would have gone a long way in the lives of those who lived in servitude.

Thoughtlessness on Part of Some Employers

There is a thoughtless group of people who ignore servants as though they might be articles of furniture instead of live things, who can feel and see and suffer mental, as well as physical, pain. This is a social class who suffer thoughtlessly inflicted pain and humiliation, with the general attitude of those who inflict it being that their feelings don’t count —if they have any. 

“I am writing of the servant class, the Bridgets and the Mary Anns. You notice I write the Ann without a final “e" the little finish which sets a gulf between the socially important and their less fortunate sisters. The particular Bridget who wrote what follows is an educated foreign woman whose education is plainly evident in her handwriting and her thinking. How would you like to be such a woman and earn your living working for some of the people whom she describes? 

‘For my class it’s take it on the chin, grin or beat it and no job. To be sure I’m British. I served in one home eight years which seems to prove that I was treated humanely. I remember the lovely room I had and often compared it with the Bridget’s quarters given me, to a long succession of dumps I’ve occupied here. I thought of it recently as I retired in my servant’s room better described as a pig sty.’ 

Walls of Room Dirty...

‘It was small, dark and had dirty walls which could be cleaned up for the cost of about $4. But when approached on the subject my mistress said ‘no.’ She considered herself a socialite but some of her neighbors called her ‘alley cat.’ And I guess she earned that. 

One former employer still owes me for two years back wages. I took it to the small claims court but find all you get there is a judgment. The court makes no effort to enforce its findings. So it’s up to me to do my own collecting. 

At another place of squatting I found the parents two drunks. The trimmings were all attached, and there was street fighting with the officers at 3 a. m. ‘Papa’ met me in the hall as he was coming in and he was wearing his real birthday suit so I packed and moved. Many maids I know have wonderful references but stay in a place only a little while.’ 

Considers Folks Funny...

‘Do you blame them? I am middle-aged and homeless but an experienced needle-woman—and so, although I hate it—l’m on relief.  And my former employers are among those who complain against the luxury I am supposed to enjoy. I should, have been content with a Bridget’s lot.  Ain’t’ folks funny?’

 Funny? No. It’s more like “thoughtless and careless.” – From an article by Estelle Lawton Lindsey, 1936

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

An Upstairs-Downstairs Etiquette Snafu

Not all cooks were keen to teach their skills to any of those living “upstairs” —When a servant is engaged, he enters the house for the first time through the front door. After that he regards the back door as his sole means of entrance and exit.

Mistress Fined for Invading Her Own Kitchen! 

LONDON, July 17.—There is no etiquette so strict as that which dominates London life “below stairs.” With all the upheavals of the world war, the dignity of cooks and butlers remains unassailed. 

A case was recently heard in the court wherein a cook took offense because the mistress invaded the kitchen and insisted on cooking some mutton chops herself. The insulted culinary queen immediately gave notice, and in this she was joined by her husband, the butler. Whereupon the mistress locked the back door and thus got herself sued for “wrongful imprisonment.” 

During the hearing of the case the judged asked why, if the mistress had only locked the back door, did not the couple go out by the front. The cook and butler nearly collapsed at the suggestion. “That,” said the butler, painfully surprised at the judge’s ignorance, “is against all kitchen etiquette. When a servant is engaged, he enters the house for the first time through the front door. After that he regards the back door as his sole means of entrance and exit. No self-respecting servant would dream of leaving his employer’s house by the front door!”

On inquiry, it was found that the etiquette ruling such matters was a very real thing to the circle of overlords and underlings of the kitchen, and the aggrieved pair were allowed £5 damages. — Los Angeles Herald, 1920

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Etiquette and Wise Parents

She does not begin with exhaustive attention to the minutia of etiquette, knowing in that way lies the danger of making her boys prigs, and her girls self-conscious society misses, before they are in their teens.

“The Wise Mother”

Your wise mother is not given to worrying over trifles, says Harper's Bazar. She does not expect perfection in a day. And she has put from her, as far as the East is from the West, the ghastly possibility of setting vanity up in the room of love. So she does not begin with exhaustive attention to the minutia of etiquette, knowing in that way lies the danger of making her boys prigs, and her girls self-conscious society misses, before they are in their teens.

She lays down as the law of her household, the broad principles of respect for elders, reverence for women, kindliness for all; and she permeates the home atmosphere with her finest conception of the deference and the sympathy due from soul to soul. Her children very early delight to place a chair for grandmother and to save father steps. They learn to be proud of that restraint, which enables them to keep self in the background, and to defer to brother and sister.

It never enters their heads that servants are less worthy of respect than other people. They are as unabashed in the presence of wealth and power as they are tender toward suffering and poverty. When she teaches them from time to time her code of manners — and she is careful to perfect it according to her best judgment—she teaches it for home use, and it becomes fixed by becoming natural. —From 1891

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the  Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Treatment of Servants

Policy, as well as good breeding, inculcates the necessity of gentle treatment and courteous behavior to servants... though your parents may not want you to marry one of them.

There is no surer sign of ill breeding and ill feeling than the rude treatment of dependents. The obligation of civility to servants should be inculcated especially upon the young American, who ought to learn at the earliest period that the accidental relation of advantage of position, which is ever alternating in a country free from prescriptive right, gives no title to a haughty demeanor and a domineering conduct.

The recognition of the mutual obligation of master and man, and mistress and maid, is a certain sign of the true gentleman and lady, who will never exact from those temporarily placed in subjection to them the civility they are unwilling to bestow. The “thank you,” “please,” and other courteous expressions of a kindly consideration of the obligation of the employer to the employed, will be freely proffered by all who are fully conscious of their social duties and willing to acknowledge them.

Policy, as well as good breeding, inculcates the necessity of gentle treatment and courteous behavior to servants, who will seldom fail to respond with a more zealous service and a readier obedience to exactions and commands rendered less harsh and domineering by a soft word and a subdued mastery. –From How to Behave and How to Amuse, by G. H. Sandison, 1895

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber is the Site Moderator and Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Gilded Age Servants

The “hired girl” is a phrase which has been banished from good society, and we say instead “the maids.” – Servants are very imitative, and if those who employ them are gentle, soft voiced and uniformly polite they become so too. 

It is of great importance that girls who wish to show perfect breeding at every turn should know how to properly treat servants. These dependents, either in one's own household or in the homes of one's friends, are entitled to courtesy and consideration, and there is a well defined etiquette in regard to them.

Some girls act as if their inferiors were not to be recognized except when service is required of them and then adopt a manner of haughty disdain, demanding everything and taking the attitude that the servant is a mere machine. There is, of course, the other extreme that of intimacy with a servant, and the latter attitude is as much to be as the former.

Every girl of wealth in these luxurious days has her own maid and this domestic naturally comes into close contact with her. It is the maid's business to be at the beck and call of her young mistress at all hours, but the mistress should remember that the maid is human and not make unreasonable demands on her. 

It is unreasonable to expect perfection, for none of us possess it in any capacity, and it is unreasonable to expect an intelligence equal to your own, for if the maid had it she would be something of a higher order than a menial. Politeness is an important part of good manners with servants, and you are not only served better when you are courteous but you present to them a model of manners.

Servants are very imitative, and if those who employ them are gentle, soft voiced and uniformly polite they become so too. One should always preface or end an order with “Please,” and one should say “Thank you” in acknowledgment of service. Do not say “Thanks,” even to a servant as the word is no longer considered good form. Always say “Good morning” to the servants of your household and, also to other people's servants when they are known to you, as in the homes of your intimate friends.

As a rule, young girls rarely give orders to servants with the exception of their own maids, but often give orders for their mothers. There is only one correct form in which to do this. You must not say, “Mary, mother wishes you to go up to her room.” But supposing your mother's name to be Mrs. Brown, you should say, “Mary, Mrs. Brown wishes you.” etc... The formal prefix applies not only to your mother, but to all the other members of your family. Never say “father,” “sister” or “brother” to a maid, but always “Mr. Brown,” “Mr. Harold,” if that is your brother's name, and “Miss Beatrice,” supposing that to be your sister's. 

Do not call or refer to the domestics in your mother's establishment as “girls.” The “hired girl” is a phrase which has been banished from good society, and we say instead “the maids” or “the women” when speaking of the servants if they are all of one sex. 

When you are staying in other people’s houses never give orders of any sort to the maids unless it be that one has been assigned to you for your own personal use, in which case, of course, you treat her as you would your own. Otherwise, when you wish things done, ask permission of the hostess to use a servant for this or that. And when at the table you must not request things directly of the maid, as etiquette requires, that you make your request to the hostess. –1909

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia