Slouching Young Women Critiqued

To rest a cheek in the palm of a hand supported by a dining table is not only one of the etiquette laxities peculiar to the present decade, but it is a long stride toward habitual lounging.

PRACTICAL TALKS BY THE APRIL GRANDMOTHER

“YOUR American young girls either pose or lounge whenever conscious that the gaze of the public is upon them.” That was Lady Critique-cliffe's comment as she directed her lorgnette across the diamond horseshoe the evening she sat in my opera box, and I bad to admit the justice of her criticism. “Self-conscious débutantes,” continued the April Grandmother, “are apt to sit up like little ramrods throughout an entire act or -and it is infinitely more undignified to half recline in a chair, leaning sidewise against an arm or resting one hand on the box rail. The girls who lounge in this manner are the most hopeless, as, unlike those of the ramrod type, they do not realize that neither at school nor at home have they been taught to sit correctly.”

While at school the average girl is permitted to sit on the edge of her chair and almost bend double as she curves her back above her desk when writing. Usually she rests her unoccupied hand on the paper, thus raising the left shoulder into an unnatural position and further rounding the back. Whereas, when not actually in use, the left hand should lie in the lap, and the practice of so placing it - palm upward - will help to keep the back straight. Meanwhile the head should be bent directly forward, instead of being slightly inclined to left or to right, and the chin held well away from the throat.

The kittenish pose of curling up on a sofa which so many young girls adopt when reading will do an immense amount of injury to the back as well as to the eyes. If a girl is really fatigued she should lie at full length, with lids closed, until thoroughly rested; but if she is inclined to stoutness she should be particularly wary about lounging, and as one means of remaining slender is to keep the spinal column erect, it is obvious that the back should be held straightly whenever its owner is in a sitting posture. 

An excellent way in which to acquire this vertical line is to practice balancing a small book on the crown of the head. This will force one to hold the head erectly and the spine will involuntarily imitate the good example. Another method of learning to sit correctly is to hold the stomach in and carry the head thrown backward, while an attitude that may conveniently be exercised three times daily is that of keeping the elbows as far as possible from the top of the table while at meals. To rest a cheek in the palm of a hand supported by a dining table is not only one of the etiquette laxities peculiar to the present decade, but it is a long stride toward habitual lounging.

To sit correctly the soles of both feet should rest firmly upon the floor, the elbows should nearly touch the hips and the hands should lie on the lap. The shoulders will then assume their natural slope, and if the base of the spine nearly couches the rear of the chair seat it will be easy to lean backward in a restful and graceful posture. But the moment a girl sways against one side of her chair, grasps its arms with her hands, throws one arm across its back or props her chin on her knee-braced elbow she is in a fair way to contract the lounging habit which my English guest criticized.

The remark of an old fashioned beau of antebellum days anent the inherent vulgarity of the feminine person who crosses her knees is quite as worthy of consideration to-day as when it was first uttered. Yet the number of refined young girls who habitually sit with crossed knees and with well developed feet plainly in evidence is astounding, particularly to those gentlewomen of an elder day who, living in fear of exhibiting even their insteps, invariably sit with knees meeting and toe tips drawn beneath the skirt.– The Los Angeles Herald, 1908

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Grace and Carriage

 

Look up, not down!... “To begin with, borrow from the creed of the King's daughters and “lookup.” If your throat is pretty and you want to make capital of it, throw your chin in the air as Ada Behan and Ella Wheeler Wilcox do. Don't think anything about your shoulders, for so sure as you do you will have them mannishly square. Make your chest lead all the time, whether seated or standing, and then look to your sides to see that there are no creases in your waist. So poised your shoulders will take a round, graceful, womanly cure, the stomach will go in, and, as the dress reformers put it, you will have a natural bustle and a carriage that will enhance any style of dress.” 

What women want is not better clothes, loose dresses, and sham corsets, but better positions. They want sittings. If some teacher of Delsarte, calisthenics, or physical culture would undertake to instruct a class in correctness of posture, incalculable good would certainly result. Women sit on their hips, their feet, and their spinal column; they throw their chests in, their shoulders forward, their abdomen out, and destroy forever the nice lines of the figure, besides rendering shapeless whatever gown or bodice they may be dressed in. 

These distorted women are unfortunately too prevalent. They force themselves on the critic in the church and theater, on the streets and trains, and in a car one looks in vain for a single upright, easily-poised traveler. Given a woman who knows how to hold herself, it must be a most miserable outfit that will not be improved. There is a tacit understanding among tailors that when the man has the shape, the coat is bound to fit, but in the world of modes one is told that this woman can carry a certain style or that another can not. 

Carriage is all a matter of habit. The worst can be remedied by practice, but before beginning, it is well to have an ideal. The galleries and art shops, books, magazines, and the stage abound in models, and besides, there are descriptive pictures that the most simple-minded can understand. To begin with, borrow from the creed of the King's daughters and “lookup.” If your throat is pretty and you want to make capital of it, throw your chin in the air as Ada Behan and Ella Wheeler Wilcox do. Don't think anything about your shoulders, for so sure as you do you will have them mannishly square. Make your chest lead all the time, whether seated or standing, and then look to your sides to see that there are no creases in your waist. So poised your shoulders will take a round, graceful, womanly cure, the stomach will go in, and, as the dress reformers put it, you will have a natural bustle and a carriage that will enhance any style of dress. 

Indeed, if the truth were only known a queenly carriage is worth half the toilet and is in itself beauty. Heretofore the bustle interfered with posture, but now that no such implement of torture is worn, and as reeds and straps are gradually losing their hold, there is absolutely no excuse for the women who lounge, sit on their feet, and otherwise offend taste. The best schooling for a good walk is a close observation of the people you meet walking in the street and drawing-room. 

Trollope, who was one of the closest observers of human nature, in describing the grace of one of his heroines, spoke of her walk as being “a lie stride from the hips.” He was right in this. A free swing of the leg from the hip, results in an easy, graceful walk. Swing the legs out firmly, keeping the knee steady, don’t stride, but, on the other hand, don't make the mistake of taking too short a step. Place the foot firmly on the ground, keep the body free from any motion, let the shoulders be thrown well back, and hold the head erect.- New York Times, 1888

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Poor Posture and Attitude

 

Poor posture can silently convey messages to others that one may not actually be thinking, or messages that one might be thinking, but would most likely never say out loud: “I’m bored.” “When will this be over?!?” “I really don’t care.” “I can’t be bothered to sit up straight for this.” “You’re not that important.” “I’m not that important.” and “Who cares?!?”

Straighten up, sloucher!

Poor posture can make you look 10 pounds heavier. It could sabotage a promotion. And slumped or hunched shoulders are a major reason why back pain affects 80 percent of Americans at some point in their life.

“Poor posture isn’t just disrespectful; it will ruin your spinal health and leads to a dreadful life,” said Gloria Starr, a business coach who teaches posture at her North Carolina finishing and etiquette school.

When your frame is aligned — meaning your heels, knees, pelvis and neck are stacked on top of each other — it moves more efficiently, can carry heavier loads, tires less easily and is less susceptible to strain or injury.

But the minute you sit down to update your Facebook page or drive to the store, you’ll likely drop your chin, tilt your head forward and round or hunch your shoulders. This pulls your muscles and ligaments out of balance — some muscles grow tight while others become weak — leading to back and neck pain, headaches, fatigue and other problems.

Still, it takes years to develop slouched shoulder syndrome and vulture neck, conditions that can’t be reversed overnight. Simply increasing physical activity doesn’t necessarily help; when a person with bad posture becomes more active it’s “like driving around with a crooked axle and hoping that the driving will straighten it out,” said Esther Gokhale, founder of the Gokhale Method, which treats chronic pain through postural adjustments.

These moves can help you stand up straight

If you’re having pain, get your posture assessed by a physical or occupational therapist who can test muscle strength and flexibility, and can make adjustments to your work station if you have a sedentary job. The following exercises can also help strengthen the muscles that grow overused and tight.

The OJ squeeze

When shoulders hunch, the muscles that stabilize the shoulder — the rhomboids and mid-trapezius muscles — become weak.

Try it: Pretend you’re holding an orange between your shoulder blades and try to squeeze it to make juice by bringing the shoulder blades (scapula) down and together, said physical therapist Paul Drew, the author of the book “Red Carpet Posture.” Hold for 10 seconds. You’ll also stretch out the front of your shoulders, which may be tight from slouchy desk posture.

The shoulder roll

Hunching the back forward compresses the front section of certain spinal discs and squeezes the contents backward, similar to squeezing one side of a s’more, said Gokhale, author of “8 Steps to a Pain-Free Back.” “Over time, this action wears and tears the fibrous exterior at the back of the disc,” she said.

Try it: Move one shoulder forward, upward and as far backward as you comfortably can without significantly moving your body. Gently slide your shoulder blade down along your spine. Your shoulder may settle further back than usual. Repeat on the other side.

The 5-minute rest

The eyes are often overlooked when it comes to posture. Once they’re overused or fatigue, the head moves forward, taking us out of alignment, said Donna Eshelman, a Los Angeles-based Feldenkrais practitioner who teaches posture improvement to desk workers.

Try it: Lie on your back for five minutes. “Cup” your eyes by interlacing your fingers and placing the heels of your hands on your cheekbones and outer eyes to block out the light. This will help “oxygenate your fatigued muscles, improve breathing and restore your alignment,” said Eshelman. Repeat once an hour.

Towel chest stretch

To keep the shoulders from rounding forward, stretch out the chest muscles and strengthen the mid-upper back, said fitness expert Tracey Mallett, a Pilates instructor and personal trainer.

Try it: Stand tall with your legs shoulder-width apart, holding a rolled-up bath towel — one end in each hand, said Mallett. Keeping the bath towel taut, reach the arms forward at shoulder height. Exhale and pull the arms up and as far back as you can; you should feel a stretch in the pectoral muscles. Hold for two breath cycles and then return the arms back to shoulder height. Repeat five more times.

Plank

Strong transversus abdominus muscles, which are the deep back and abdominal muscles closest to your spine, protect your discs and nerves from impact, said Gokhale.

Try it: Begin in push-up position, with your arms straight. Imagine a straight line from your legs through your torso to your neck. Don’t sag or lift your butt. If your shoulders are tensed toward your neck, roll them open, Gokhale said. Hold for up to a minute. This will “strengthen the muscles that keep your spine happy and lengthened,” she said.

Do devices help?

“Ergonomic training,” or teaching people how to sit at their desk, is one of the most common ways to improve posture. But can gadgets such as posture braces (think SkyMall magazine), posture clothing and even posture necklaces also help?

In general, postural supports or harnesses “can be a helpful reminder to not slump the upper body forward,” said Esther Gokhale. The iPosture device, a microchip that clips to your shirt or a necklace and vibrates when you slump, could be useful for this as well, but there’s no evidence to show that it actually works.

The problem with many of the devices is “they don’t improve pelvic position, which is the key to sustainable, healthy posture,” Gokhale said. “Ultimately, there is no product that can substitute for knowing what to do with one’s own body. Devices can only be useful in conjunction with an education in healthy posture.”

One promising device, however, is a webcam that provides desk workers with pictures of how they currently look alongside a photo of their own correct posture. A study in the current issue of Applied Ergonomics found that use of the webcam, in conjunction with conventional training, resulted in sustained improvement. An effective intervention should be “a continuous process that provides frequent feedback,” said the Israeli researchers. — Bill Hogan/Chicago Tribune, 2012

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Posture and Table Etiquette

"I always want to cross my legs under the table. Most men do, I believe.” And why not? It is a comfortable position. It enables one to sit more erect, too, at the table, and gives one a more graceful pose. I do not know what etiquette says about one’s legs and feet during meal time, but I suppose it goes no further than to suggest that they should be kept under the table, which is correct, I ween.

————————————

For centuries, Asians and Middle Easterners, among many other groups, have dined at low tables, sitting on the floor with their legs crossed, while tall dining tables with accompanying chairs became the norm throughout the US. and Europe.

Western Dining Tables Badly Designed 

Only Now and Then is One Under Which a Man Can Cross His Legs

“I have discovered a very great defect in the architecture of the dining table,” remarked an epicure yesterday, “and the defect is universal. I have found in my time but very few tables built after my ideal, and it seems to me that some man interested in matters of this sort ought to start a revolution along these lines. When I sit down to a meal I want to rest. Eating and resting ought to go together. Restfulness at meal time, absolute comfort at the table and good food of the wholesome kind are things that will commend themselves to most men. Now, I have what I call a meal-time hobby. I always want to cross my legs under the table. Most men do, I believe.”

And why not? It is a comfortable position. It enables one to sit more erect, too, at the table, and gives one a more graceful pose. I do not know what etiquette says about one’s legs and feet during meal time, but I suppose it goes no further than to suggest that they should be kept under the table, which is correct, I ween. But I insist that among my inalienable rights is the right to cross my legs, and to cross them under the mahogany at that, if it pleases me so to do and adds to my comfort. 

What other people may think about it does not count for so much as a whit. And yet, it is a fact that one rarely enjoys this gracious privilege, because of the awkward, grotesque and unhappy character of the dining table. The tables ought to be made differently. They ought to be roomier, so that a fellow would have ample space in which to cross his legs if it pleases him to do so. Of course, if one does not want to cross one’s legs at meal time one need not do it, so the change could do no harm.—New Orleans Times Democrat, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️Etiquette Encyclopedia

First Impressions Etiquette

Your smile is your most powerful asset. Since we are all capable of smiling, unless facial impairments prevent us from doing so, we must make use of it as it can only work for our advantage.

First Impressions: Using Seven Steps within Seven Seconds

Do you recall someone who impressed you the first time you met? A colleague, a potential client, your boss, your future spouse, a VIP, a well-respected leader, etc...? Do you know that it takes only about seven seconds to form an impression of someone you just met? The rest is just a cherry on top, or not! Now think about how you come across when you meet someone for the first time.

The following are 7 easy steps to help you build upon your first impression...

Step 1: The Physical Appearance

Your clothes must match the image you want to reflect at any given occasion. If you have to project a professional image then choose suitable attire. For social settings, it is best to find out about the dress code and the venue beforehand. Ladies try to keep the make up discrete and shy away from overly done looks. Elegance, regardless of material capabilities, is best acquired when dressing appropriately to the age and the body form. As for men, avoid shirts that are too tight which might reveal some parts of the abdomen or shirt buttons open till the middle of the chest. Looks also incorporate the hair factor. The hairstyle and the cleanliness of it also contribute to the appeal of your physique. Therefore make sure to get the most suitable hairstyle for the shape of your face. You can work on your looks by seeking a professional stylist.

Step 2: The Posture

The proper posture helps you stand confidently and positively. With the right posture you will look more welcoming and interesting. When meeting someone for the first time, avoid fidgeting or slouching, for it can make you look anxious and confused or less attractive and insecure. While standing to meet someone, in order to improve your body posture, first pull your head back and make sure your chin is parallel to the floor. Then push your shoulders down and relax them all the while aligning them with your chest. Keep your feet parallel on the floor, unlock your knees and imagine a string pulling you up from your head towards the ceiling. Furthermore look straight ahead while walking. It will give your walk the sense of a purposeful direction. Finally, to maintain a healthy body posture you need to exercise regularly and/or practice the appropriate Yoga or Pilates techniques.

Step 3: The Voice

When you speak, your voice must commend assertiveness and confidence. The sound of your voice must be loud enough but not too hasty or anxious, yet soft enough but well articulated. Avoid using filler words such as “you know what I mean,” “like,” “yeah,” “umm,” etc... as they make you sound boring or hesitant. One way to check for your verbal communication skills is to record your voice on your phone and listen to it meticulously. Do your words sound clear? Are you pronouncing the consonants properly? Is your voice level going down unintentionally at the end of each sentence? You must aim at sounding pleasant yet assertive, approachable yet professional. Remember, in most cases and particularly in the case of first impressions, how you say something is more important than what you say. One might not remember the content of a first conversation with you but will recall how you sounded.

Step 4: The Eye Contact

No first impression could be significant enough without the required level of eye contact. When meeting someone for the first time, you must make eye contact. Before extending your arm, while extending it, throughout the shaking of the hand and until exchanging each other’s names, you must continue to make eye contact. In the Armenian culture, as with most Western cultures, under no circumstance can you get away with a positive first impression without the proper eye contact. Eye contact implies respect and acknowledgement to the person you are being introduced to.

Step 5: The Handshake

Do you know that people can tell a lot from your handshake? A firm and proper handshake, as opposed to a loose one, is what you need to be perceived as an assertive and sincere person during introductions. When meeting for the first time extend your arm; make sure the web of your hand touches that of the other person; have a good grip of your converser’s hand with the palms touching while your fingers and thumb are resting on the back of the other person’s palm and continue to shake hands until you both get introduced to each other properly. Also try not to hold too tightly your counterpart’s hand, since you will come across as a bone crusher!

Step 6: The Smile

Your smile is your most powerful asset. Since we are all capable of smiling, unless facial impairments prevent us from doing so, we must make use of it as it can only work for our advantage. But be careful of course and do it wisely! For instance, a cheeky smile to your friend’s spouse or your boss unnecessarily, might get you in trouble. Here I emphasize on the way you smile and the appropriateness of the occasion. Your smile must project sincerity, respect and genuine enthusiasm towards the situation and the person with whom you are conversing. Smiling is also contagious, so when you smile at a person you just met, your kind gesture is appreciated and meeting you is remembered as a pleasant experience.

Step 7: The Body Hygiene

Under no circumstance must you meet someone without considering the proper etiquette of hygiene. It can either make you look attractive or unpleasant. Proper hygiene is a necessity. It is a reflection of a healthy condition, while poor hygiene is associated with infections and germs. Teeth, hair and body must be washed and taken care of on a regular basis. Therefore, make sure your daily routine keeps your body, hair and teeth clean.

To recap, when meeting someone for the first time, you must make eye contact, smile and extend your arm to give an assertive handshake. Most of the time we all get only one chance to make a positive impression. Following the above seven steps as a guideline can help you sound more confident, impressive and unforgettable in a positive way. 

Meet our newest contributor, Irma Vartanian Balian, founding Director of ProtocolWise ™. She has lived in North America, Europe and the Middle East. Her rich cultural background, her commitment to excellence, along with her expertise in Protocol and Soft Diplomacy, equipped lrma to provide valuable advice to her clients while putting them at ease. Irma trains leaders, corporate teams, diplomats, individuals, families and professionals, both regionally and internationally with assurance and professionalism.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette  Encyclopedia 

Domestic Notes on Table Etiquette

 An antique, King’s pattern, corn stripper or kernel scraper. Victorians loved green corn, and by the late 1800’s and early 1900’s had produced numerous patented items, like the one above, for making the eating of green corn from the cob a more graceful process.

A writer in Harper's Bazaar takes up her pen to put us all to rights on our behavior at the table. We give a part of her lecture as follows: A cream-cake, and anything of similar nature, should be eaten with knife and fork, never bitten. Asparagus may be taken from the finger and thumb. Peas and beans, we all know, require the fork only. Potatoes, if mashed, should be mashed with the fork. Green corn should be eaten from the cob, but it must be held with a single hand. Celery, cresses, radishes, and all that sort of thing, are, of course, to be eaten from the fingers; the salt should be laid upon one's plate, not upon the cloth. 

Fish is to be eaten with the fork, without the assistance of the knife; a bit of bread in the left hand sometimes helps one to master a refractory morsel. Berries, of course, are to be eaten with a spoon. It is not proper to drink with a spoon in the cup; nor should one, by the way, ever quite drain the cup or glass. Spoons are sometimes used with puddings, but forks are the better style. A spoon should never be turned over in the mouth. 

Ladies have frequently an affected way of holding the knife half way down its length, as if it were too big for their little hands, but this is as awkward a way as it is weak. The knife should be grasped freely by the handle only, the forefinger being the only one to touch the blade, and that only along the back of the blade at its root, and no further down. In sending one's plate to be helped a second time, one should retain one's knife and fork, for the convenience of waiter and carver. At the conclusion of a course, where they have been used, knife and fork should be laid side by side on the plate, never crossed; the old custom of crossing them was in obedience to an ancient religious formula. 

The servant should offer everything at the left of the guest, that the guest may be at liberty to use the right hand. If one has been given a napkin-ring, it is necessary to fold one's napkin and use the ring; otherwise the napkin should be left unfolded. One's teeth are not to be picked at the table; but if it is impossible to hinder it, it should be done behind the napkin. One may pick a bone at the table, but, as with corn, only one hand is allowed to touch it; yet one can usually get enough from it with knife and fork, which is certainly the more elegant way of doing; to take her teeth to it gives a lady the look of caring a little too much for the pleasures of the table; one is, however, on no account to suck one's fingers after it. 

Wherever there is any doubt as to the beat way to do a thing, it is wise to follow that which is the most rational, and that will almost invariably be found to be the proper etiquette. There is a reason for everything in polite usage; thus the reason why one does not blow a thing to cool it, is not only that it is an inelegant and vulgar action intrinsically, but because it may be offensive to others– cannot help being so indeed; and it, moreover, implies haste, which, whether resulting from greediness or from a desire to get away, is equally rude and objectionable. Everything else may be as easily traced to its origin in the fit and becoming. 

If to conclude, one seats one’s self properly at the table, and takes reason into account, one will do tolerably well. One must not pull one's chair too closely to the table, for the natural result of that is the inability to use one's knife and fork without inconveniencing one's neighbors; the elbows are to be held well in and close to one's side, which cannot be done if the chair is too near the board. One must not lie or lean along the table, nor rest one's arms upon it. – Pacific Rural Press, 1879

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Red Carpet Posing Etiquette

Red-Carpet Red Flags: How Not to Pose at the Oscars

From the "Kiss of Death" to the "Flapper," The Hollywood Reporter names the top 5 red carpet no-nos when it comes to striking a pose.

THE PEACE OUT
Cyrus goes for this one, which fits with her "Party in the U.S.A." songbook. Surely there's a better way to show your commitment to world peace.

THE JESSICA RABBIT
Note to Angelina: Roger Rabbit's vampy, slit-up-to-there-wearing better half is merely a cartoon, and she should only be channeled on Halloween.

THE FLAPPER
Katy Perry is a fan of this saccharine pose that tries -- too hard -- to convey bubbliness. It's cute for a second, then the novelty wanes.

THE KISS OF DEATH
Lindsay Lohan made this popular around Mean Girls, and everyone knows how that turned out. Recent offenders: Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens.

THE PIGEON TOE
A good choice -- if an actress actually wants her hips to look bigger. Word of advice: Pretend you're doing Pilates, and keep those toes straight.

Illustrations by Todd Detwiler for The Hollywood Reporter

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

The Etiquette of Gracefulness

“Of course, you have been told, not only by me but by many others, to balance a large book on your head. It certainly will do much to restore evenness and grace to your walk. When you stand, stand erect, let your mind call your body to "attention"; When you sit, compose your hands, relax your body, be sure that your feet are neither in your own nor anyone else's way. The old etiquette bars the crossing af ankles, but I think most of us do, and I think, too, it is rather more graceful than to place both feet on the floor. If you think about what you are doing you will speedily develop good posture and bearing, and this is not the least of beauty.” – Helena Rubinstein

Do You Stand and Walk with Proper Grace?

By Helena Rubinstein 

Florenz Ziegfeld, who selects the loveliest of lovely girls each year for his musical comedies and revues, claims that there is nothing so rare as the young woman who stands, sits and walks with poise and grace. The average woman, I know does not. Perhaps she does not think of it. I am sure that we should not see so many awkward , almost repulsive positi0ns , if the world were full of mirrors. Do you think, for instance, that a woman would sit with her knees apart if she knew how ugly it was? Do you think she would still insist on very short, very tight skirts, if she knew that when she sat down they rode way up and exposed her knees and thighs? I think not not if she realized that there were probably six girls in a hundred who have really pretty knees, and no girl who can look anything but a little blatant, a little common, a little ugly when she assumes these positions. 

Standing seems simple enough, doesn't it, but I am sure that half of the world, fully half of the time, stand a little crooked, the weight shifted over one hip. If you see it, you won't do it. It is most ungraceful. And then we come to walks. In southern Europe, Hawaii, and the South Seas, women have an exquisitely beautiful carriage. They have learned to walk evenly and smoothly through, balancing weights on their heads. Their limbs are lithe and free, their movement beautiful. The Indians have the same splendid carriage, but we, who are of the effete civilization, have sacrificed much to high heels, binding garters and tight skirts. 

Of course, you have been told, not only by me but by many others, to balance a large book on your head. It certainly will do much to restore evenness and grace to your walk. When you stand, stand erect, let your mind call your body to “attention”; When you sit, compose your hands, relax your body, be sure that your feet are neither in your own nor anyone else's way. The old etiquette bars the crossing af ankles, but I think most of us do, and I think, too, it is rather more graceful than to place both feet on the floor. If you think about what you are doing, you will speedily develop good posture and bearing, and this is not the least of beauty. – San Bernardino Sun, 1928

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Dinner Party Etiquette

A gentleman should seat a lady by standing behind her chair and pulling it back with both hands. When she is half-seated, the chair should gently be pushed forward so that her chair is under her hips. After seating her, the gentleman takes the seat to her left. Good posture is important; do not slouch. Put your back against the back of your chair. Whenever possible, push sleeves up above the elbows before eating.

Say “Hello” to the hostess before you accept any drink.

Taking Your Seat At The Table: Men and women are expected to enter and sit in a chair from their left sides. This prevents bumping the neighbor when seating. The exception is when the chairs are too close to enter from the side and must be pulled out to sit. Exit the chair the same way you entered. Do not forget to push the chair back in when you leave. 

 A gentleman should seat a lady by standing behind her chair and pulling it back with both hands. When she is half-seated, the chair should gently be pushed forward so that her chair is under her hips. After seating her, the gentleman takes the seat to her left. Good posture is important; do not slouch. Put your back against the back of your chair.

Note: Men are seated to the left of the woman so as to have their right hand available to assist the woman.

Sit Up Straight. Push your back against the back of the chair.

Push sweater sleeves up above just to, or above, the elbow before eating.

Rest Your Wrists On The Table. No elbows on the table at any time.

Your Space At the Table: Your space should be confined to the imaginary box around you. If you must move your feet, do so in your own foot space (close to the floor and within the chair legs). If you are not eating, your hands should be on your lap or on the table right in front of you. While you are eating, try to put your non-eating hand on your lap. If you must rest your hands on the table, do so with your wrists only. Place your wrists in front of you on the edge of the table. Do not put your elbows on the table.

Purses, Briefcases, Eyeglasses, And Eyeglass Cases: Do not place any item on the table. A small purse should go on your lap, under the napkin. A large purse, briefcase, and other personal items should go under your chair, out of the way. Never block the path of other guests or the serving staff. An eyeglass case belongs in your purse or pocket. Never put your eyeglasses on the table. Your cell phone should be set to vibrate or switched off and put away. It is extremely rude to make or accept a phone call (or text) during a meal.

Lavatory or Bathroom: Women excuse themselves go to the “powder room” and men go to “freshen up.”

Proper Way To Leave A Dinner Party: The general rule for leaving a dinner party is approximately forty-five minutes after dinner is over. 

Contributor Bernadette Petrotta is the Director and founder of The Polite Society School of Etiquette. Her book is "The Art and Proper Etiquette of Afternoon Tea," among her others, can be found on Amazon

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and American Ease

"Sprawling of all kinds is avoided by well-bred people, who shun excessive ease as much as excessive formality." Slouching, or sprawling, comes with the territory we guess, if you are spoiled and your mother is American.

With all the faults of manner of the American, no one would think of charging him with a want of ease. Generally feeling at home wherever he goes, he is as apt to be "hail fellow well met" with the King on his throne as with the lackey at the palace door. He is not likely to be taken to account for too much stiffness of body and formality of address. His facility of converse and flexibility of limb are proverbial, and few can equal him in expansiveness of sprawl, reach of boot, and readiness of "jaw." 

He is unapproachable as an acrobat, and his fine chair balance, or trick of heels up and head down, can not be surpassed by any performer on the social stage. When he presents himself, he is not unlike the clown of our early remembrance, who came with a run, a spring, a somersault, and the shout "Here I am !" We think that many of our countrymen and countrywomen might be improved by more reserve of manner and less flexibility of limb. 

Americans can dispense with much freedom of movement and looseness of posture, as indeed of ease of address, without any risk of incurring the imputation of being prigs. In society ordinarily termed good, it is not customary to sit upon more than one chair at a time, nor is the mantel-piece regarded as the proper place for the feet, however well turned the boot or delicately made the shoe. 

Sprawling of all kinds is avoided by well-bred people, who shun excessive ease as much as excessive formality. It may not be amiss to remind the heedless and the young that, on entering the room of the house of a stranger or that of a visiting acquaintance, it is not becoming to throw themselves at once on the sofa and stretch out their legs, or into the Voltaire or easy-chair, and sink into its luxurious depths. The common seat will be selected by the considerate, and all the exceptional provisions for extra ease and comfort left untouched until the invitation to enjoy them is given. –The Bazar Book of Decorum, 1870

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia