England's “Lady Kissing” Etiquette

A 17th C. Kiss on the hand —“Being unaware of the fact that it was customary in England to kiss the corner of the mouth of ladies by way of salutation, instead of shaking hands, as we do in Hungary, my younger brother and I behaved very rudely on one occasion...”

Kissing the Ladies

Nicolaus de Bethlen, a pupil of Doctor Basire at Alba Julia, visited England during the winter of 1663-1664 and relates the following in his “Autobiography”: “Being unaware of the fact that it was customary in England to kiss the corner of the mouth of ladies by way of salutation, instead of shaking hands, as we do in Hungary, my younger brother and I behaved very rudely on one occasion. We were invited to dinner to the house of a gentleman of high rank, and found his wife and three daughters, one of them married, standing in array to receive us. We kissed the girls, but not the married ladies, and thereby greatly offended the latter, but Duval, a French Protestant clergyman, apologized for our blunder, and explained to us that when saluting, we must always kiss the senior lady first and leave the girls and children to the last; after dinner it was considered sufficient to kiss the hostess only, in recognition of the hospitality received. Thereafter​,” he adds, “he and all his traveling companions, with the exception of one who could not be prevailed upon, complied most scrupulously with the rules of etiquette.” — Marin Journal, 1889

Etiquette Enthusiast Maura J Graber is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

More on Backward Etiquette

The prospect of breaking etiquette when in the presence of the monarch has struck fear into subjects and foreign dignitaries for centuries. Walking backwards went back to the times when it was considered terribly impolite to turn one's back on the sovereign.

The centuries-old practice of servants and guests walking backwards when leaving a room after seeing the monarch has been dropped after health and safety concerns.

The protocol was observed as a sign of respect but royal aides feared it could lead to someone getting hurt – and potentially suing Buckingham Palace for damages.

Only two visitors are now expected routinely to walk backwards as they exit the Queen’s presence: Charles Gray, the Marshal of the Diplomatic Corps, and Wing Commander Andy Calame, the Queen’s equerry.

Their successors will also be expected to learn to walk backwards safely and discreetly when leaving the monarch’s presence. The Queen, say royal aides, does not want the tradition to die out entirely.

“Allowing only two people in royal service to walk backwards was seen as a pragmatic solution to the health and safety issue,” one royal source said.

The two senior members of the Royal household are expected to walk backwards leaving the room when they have either been summoned to see the Queen personally or they are introducing others – such as senior foreign diplomats – for audiences with the Queen. Such audiences normally take place at Buckingham Place, usually in the magnificent first-floor 1844 Room.

Only one other person now walks backwards in the presence of the Queen, but this is restricted to an annual ceremonial occasion. Tradition dictates that the Lord Chancellor, currently Jack Straw, walks backwards down the steps from the throne after presenting the monarch with the words for the Queen’s Speech at the State Opening of Parliament.

Mr. Straw had made it clear he is happy to continue with the pageantry associated with the State Opening, although his predecessor, Lord Falconer, wanted to scrap the title of Lord Chancellor and, with it, some of its centuries-old traditions. The Lord Chancellor is the monarch’s formal link with Parliament and is sometime known as “Keeper of the Queen's Conscience”.

The prospect of breaking etiquette when in the presence of the monarch has struck fear into subjects and foreign dignitaries for hundreds of years. Today, those introduced to the Queen are asked to refer to her as “Her Majesty” when they first talk to her and then as “ma’am” – pronounced so as to rhyme with spam. Men are asked to give a short bow from the neck – not the waist – and women are asked to curtsy.

Charles Kidd, an expert on royal etiquette and editor of Debrett's Peerage and Baronetage, said that the practice of walking backwards when leaving the monarch’s presence was believed to date back to Medieval times. “It goes back to the times when it was considered terribly impolite to turn one’s back on the sovereign,” he said.

The introductions of foreign ambassadors and High Commissioners are still highly formal occasions. At “credentials”, ambassadors are usually escorted to Buckingham Palace in a horse-drawn, open-top Landau. Dressed in morning suits and accompanied by the Marshal of the Diplomatic Corps, the ambassador is politely instructed about what to do when he enters the presence of the monarch: “One step, neck bow. One step, a second neck bow.” Then he is to hand over formally his Letters of Credence – official papers confirming his status as ambassador.

But the ambassador, and other visitors, are no longer expected to walk backwards from the room, unlike the Marshal of the Diplomatic Corps and the Queen’s equerry.

The Marshal of the Diplomatic Corps is a senior member of the Royal household and widely regarded as the expert on all matters of royal etiquette. He is the Queen’s link with the diplomatic community in London. Mr Gray supervises the attendance of diplomats at state events and organises the regular presentation of credentials.

The post is usually held for about a decade, often by a retired senior military officer. However, Mr Gray, who has been in the post for just a year, is a diplomat rather than a military man. The office was created in 1920, to replace the position of Master of Ceremonies, which dates back to the 17th century.

The position of equerry dates back hundreds of years. Traditionally, “Equerries of the Crown Stable” were responsible for breaking and caring for the monarch’s saddle horses.

However, more recently, the post has involved being in close attendance to the Queen at public and private engagements. The position of equerry is traditionally held by a senior officer from one of the three Armed Services who usually wears his military uniform for official engagements. Wing Commander Calame, who is two years into his three-year posting, recently described the Queen as “the best boss I have ever had”. — This article, by Andrew Alderson, first appeared in The Telegraph in 2009

👑Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette or Absurd Custom?

Royal tradition took a step backward, but the Queen moved forward in 2009 ~ HRH Queen Elizabeth II of England bowed down to 'health and safety' concerns. The centuries-old practice of servants and guests walking backwards when leaving the room after seeing the monarch was dropped amid health and safety concerns.

Walking Backward — An Ex-Attache Writes in His Usual Vigorous Style on an "Absurd European Custom"

Sometimes this walking backward gives rise to rather pretty and even pathetic devices on the part of those who desire to avoid accidents, such as happened to the Duke of Argyll. Thus I can recall the case of a relative, who in return for active service, was summoned with several brother officers to Buckingham Palace in order to receive from the hands of the sovereign herself, the Order of the Bath. 

He had lost his right leg in action so near to the hip joint that there was no means of wearing an artificial limb and he was consequently dependent upon his crutches. When he entered the royal presence it was noticed that he held fastened apparently to the handrest of each crutch a couple of lovely bouquets. At a third of the distance up the long room he stopped, made the regulation bow as best he could and dropped one of the bunches of flowers on the floor. Then he made his way to the Queen, tendered her the other bouquet, which she graciously accepted, received his Order of the Bath, which she herself fastened to his uniform with many a kindly word, for he had been a favorite of her husband, and then he proceeded to withdraw from her presence.

If ever there was a case in which the walking backward might have been excused, it was there, and the faces of the Queen and those around her betrayed signs of concern and anxiety lest some mishap would overtake the colonel. He, however, backed away, displaying himself some hesitation and anxiety until he reached that part of the room where he had purposely left the first bouquet on the ground. That gave him his bearings. He knew where be was then and leaving the flowers there reached the door in safety, the Queen kindly nodding and waving her hand to him in appreciation of his somewhat arduous act of homage. 

That her Majesty was moved, thereby was shown by the fact that a few days later he received from the Queen a rather unusual present, namely, a handsome carriage and a pair of horses, together with an expression of the wish that the conveyance might in some measure tend to alleviate the discomfort caused by the absence of the limb which he had lost in her service on the field of battle.  — San Francisco Call, 1897

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Court Etiquette and Crowing

The office in the Royal Household was called not only the “ King's Crower," but the “ King's Cock and Crier,” too.

Crowing in Lent

“During the season of Lent,” says the London Chronicle, “it was anciently the custom of the watchmen to crow the hour of the night instead of shouting it, the intention being doubtless to remind sleepless sinners of the effect the third crowing of the cock had on St. Peter. 

This custom, too, was observed at the Royal Court, an officer known as the 'King's cock crower' performing the duties within the precints of the palace. On the first Ash Wednesday after the accession of the House of Hanover, as the then Prince of Wales, (afterward George II), was at supper, this officer entered and crowed 'past 10 o’clock.' 

The astonished Prince mistook the crow for an insult and rose to resent it, but was made to understand, with some difficulty, that the custom was in accordance with Court etiquette. The custom was from that time discontinued. —Madera Mercury, 1902

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia