Chinese Daughter In-Law Etiquette

When your mother-in-law sits, you should respectfully stand.  



How to Treat One’s Mother-in-Law in Han Dynasty China

A writer, who lived for more than twenty years in China, has completed a translation of the accepted authority on Chinese etiquette written by Lady Tsao of the Han Dynasty, nearly eighteen centuries ago. It contains the following instructions as to the correct behavior of a wife toward her husband's mother: 

When your mother-in-law sits, you should respectfully stand. 

Obey quickly her commands. In the morning early rise and quickly open the doors, making no noise to awaken her. 

Her toilet articles hasten to prepare; Her washbowl and towel; Her toothbrush and powder, all bring together. 

Let not the water be too cold or too hot. When the mother-in-law awakens, all these things respectfully present to her; Then immediately retire to one side until her toilet is completed. 

Then approach and present the morning salutations; Again retire and prepare her tea.

After which, the breakfast table arrange. Place the spoons and chopsticks straight. The rice cooked soft and let the meat be thoroughly done. 

From ancient days until now, old people have had sick teeth; Therefore, let not the food be dry, that your mother-in-law with labor vainly, eats. Daily the 
three meals, thus carefully prepare.

When darkness comes, and your great one (mother-in-law) desires to sleep, carefully for her spread the bed, when she may peacefully rest, and you may retire to your room. 

Following these instructions, all your superiors will praise you; All that know you will esteem you as good. —San Francisco Call, 1902

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site  Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

More Ancient Chinese Etiquette for Women & Girls

The sacrificial offering to them. You must never cease to make. Thus should you honor your ancestors.

On Reverence for Parents 

Girls not yet gone out from their homes [not married] Must carefully reverence their parents ; Early rise, and to them The morning salutations present. If cold, build a fire to warm them ; If warm, use the fan to cool them ; If they are hungry, hasten to supply them food; If thirsty, prepare for them the tea.  

If your parents rebuke you. Receive it not impatiently, But, standing in their presence, Hear with reverence and obedient heart. And repent of and forsake the wrong. The words of your parents. Regard as beyond all others important ; Obey their instructions ; Turn not away your head, And be not stiff-necked.  

If you do wrong, confess to your parents, Requesting instruction and reproof. When your parents become old, Morning and night be sorrowful and fearful ; Their clothes, food, and drink, With the utmost care provide, Observing the demands Of the four seasons in your care for them.           

Observing the demands of the four seasons in your care for them.           

If your parents are sick. Leave not their bedside, Loosen not your girdle to lie down ; The tea and the medicine. Yourself first taste To be sure that it is just right. Cease not to cry unto heaven. Or to pray in the ancestral temple, That they may be restored. 

Never let it be said That your parents died For lack of attention from you. When they die, Your very bones should grieve. And to your life's end cease not to mourn. Griefs clothing, for your parents, Three years you must wear ; The sacrificial offering to them. You must never cease to make. Thus should you honor your ancestors.

Written by Lady Tsao in the Han Dynasty. The Han Dynasty, from 206 BC – 220 AD, was one of the Longest of China's Major Dynasties 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Han Dynasty Women’s Etiquette

The Han Dynasty, from 206 BC – 220 AD 

Instruction for Chinese Women and Girls, 

by Lady Tsao

All girls, everywhere, Should learn woman's work. When women guests are expected, You should the chairs arrange in order. Let your own dress be neat and suitable.

Slowly and lightly walk ; Move not your hands about ; And let your voice be gentle and low. With such deportment, Invite your guests to enter: Present your salutations, Inquiring after their welfare since last you met.

In conversation with them, Talk not at random. When they questions ask, Do not imitate those who only regard themselves, And show no respect to others. Such receive few guests. Because they know not politeness. As a guest, demand nothing ; As a hostess, exhaust hospitality. 


When you go to a friend's house, Be not eager to receive attentions. Having exchanged greetings and taken tea, Immediately your business then make known, This finished, at once rise to go. Observing all courtesy in departing. 

If the hostess prevails upon you to longer stay, And a feast for you prepares, Remember the wine to only raise to your lips. Your chopsticks, place not on the table crossed. But use them with propriety and grace. The filling your cup with wine continually refuse. Follow not your desires, just to eat, eat ! 

Imitate not those rude women, Who with confusion eat, drink, and talk ; Drinking wine until crazy. They shamefully vomit their food ; In this state going home. Before reaching their house. Many shameful, rude acts will they do.

Outside of your house you should seldom go. Nor into the street for pleasure. If persons unknown you meet, Your head and eyes quickly lower.

Do not imitate stupid women, Who gad about from house to house. These speak many idle words, And cause others evil to speak of them. Such may not escape reproof, Their families by them are injured, Their parents greatly dishonored. Still another class imitate not, Those whose deeds are so evil, That they are shameful, fearful, And disreputable !

The Han Dynasty was one of the Longest of China's Major Dynasties

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia