American vs Korean Etiquette

“Among other things, she had made a very excellent and rather large cake, which she expected to distribute in small slices to her callers.”

Eastern Etiquette Met Western Etiquette, on New Year’s Day, Leaving One Gentleman Sick

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A Native’s Call Upon an American Lady

The native Koreans, who have become familiar with foreigners and their ways, take very readily to the custom of calling and eating on New Year’s day. and one American lady had a very peculiar experience with a native official in Seoul on New Year’s day. 

She was keeping open house and had made preparations for receiving her guests in the proper manner. Among other things, she had made a very excellent and rather large cake, which she expected to distribute in small slices to her callers. A party of native gentlemen arrived, and having given one of them a cup of tea, she placed this large cake before him, with an invitation to help himself. She then went with the others to another room and was gone some time.

When she returned she saw, to her horror, that her cake had all but disappeared. The native, according to his ideas of etiquette, had done his best not to leave any of the eatables set before him. The lady’s vexation was banished by a feeling of pity for the poor fellow, who was quite sick from overfeeding. 

It is said that this call was his first and last that day. He declared to his his friends that foreigners “must be all stomach” If they could go from house to house and “eat that much every time.” — London Mail, 1897

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Old Korean Hat Etiquette

It is the odd custom of Korea still prevailing in many portions of the country, that only married men must wear hats. 

KOREA — LAND OF QUEER HATS

Odd Custom That Still Prevails That Only Married Men Must Wear Headgear

In Korea, the period of mourning for a parent or grandparent is three years. For the Empress, the mourning period extended over five years. When abroad, the mourner is expected to go with his head bent down, and to draw his hat as far as possible over his face. Where the white gauze hat wasn’t available, the etiquette of mourning was observed by wearing the black one with a great patch of white paper pasted over the crown. 

The gauze and horsehair hats ordinarily worn are tied under the chin by means of ribbons or stripes of cloth. The Korean gentleman is extremely particular about this. It is the odd custom of Korea still prevailing in many portions of the country, that only married men must wear hats. In Korea until a man marries, never mind how old he is, he is looked upon as a boy, and entitled only to the boy's privileges. The two chief privileges denied him are the arranging of his hair in the top-knot and the wearing of a hat. 

While he is a "boy” he must wear his hair in a plait hanging down his back, and go bare-headed even on the streets. But as early marriages prevail in Korea, and there are numerous hoys at the beginning of their teens who have become husbands, it is seldom that a grown man bare-headed is seen on the streets in Korea. 

It is considered in accord with Korean etiquette for men to wear their hats in the house. A missionary tells how each Sunday, during the hour of worship, he looks out over a forest of hats, ‘‘horsehair coronets, mourning caps, mushroom, bowl, and umbrella shapes,” all on the heads of the male members of the congregation; for in Korea, except in rare cases, the women are hatless. — Sausalito News, 1924

🎩Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette – East Met West in DC, Part 2

More on the wife the Corean Chargé d'Affaires in Washington D.C Society of the late- 19th Century 

This building in Washington, D.C., was once used as the legation building for the Korean Empire. In 1892, the first State Dinner was held there, to celebrate the 19th birthday of Corean Crown Prince Ye.  It was reacquired in 2012, by the Korean government, after 102 years.

The 19th birthday of Crown Prince Ye, the only son of his Chosun majesty, the King of Corea, was celebrated last night by the first state dinner ever given at the Corean legation. The Chargés d'Affaires and Mrs. Ye arranged the details of the banquet, which will long be remembered by the guests present as a notable one in the cleverness with which the national colors were carried out in the decorations of the rooms and table. 

In the dining-room the mantle was banked with smilax, which also twined the mirror. The green was studded with American Beauty roses. On either side of the fireplace were tall growing plants, among the branches of which were artificial birds of the vivid blue and red peculiar to Corea. The central lamp suspended from the ceiling was covered with a wide-spreading red silk shade garlanded with smilax. Down the center of the table, over a white damask cloth, were three squares of white silk, the borders bright with native embroidery. On the middle one was a circular centerpiece of American Beauty roses and ferns arranged to represent the middle figure of the Corean flag, and on either side the silver candelabra work with scarlet shades.

A pretty idea of Mrs. Ye, who honored the occasion by wearing a gown of the national colors, was to have at each place for the ladies, instead of a bouquet, a single American Beauty rose. Tied about the stem in a rich bow was a broad white satin ribbon, on one end of which in red lettering was the name of the guest. On the opposite end was the striking blue and red device of the Corean flag, beneath which with the letters "C. P.-19-B. A., "signifying the Crown Prince's 19th birthday anniversary." The letters were in blue and the numerals in red.

In addition to the decorations already described at the legation were two large screens of nearly a dozen sections, each resplendent with native embroidery, the gift of the King to Mr. Ye. On the west wall of the dining-room hung the great white flag of Corea with blue and red decorations. Mrs. Ye, wife of the Corean secretary has not been well for some months past and will leave the city September 5th for a visit to her home in Corea, to which country she will be accompanied by Miss Davis of Abingdon, Virginia, who will go as a missionary. They will sail September 17th from San Francisco, to which city they will be accompanied by Mr. Ye, who will return to Washington in time to celebrate His Majesty's birthday at the legation. Mr. Ye's official duties will not permit him to accompany his wife to Corea. Last month they visited the Natural Bridge and Luray Cave. The Washington Post, 1892

19th C. photo of a Corean baby, carried by his sister ~ The first Corean born in the United States was named after the American capital, Washington D.C. : On October 12, 1890, wife of Charge d’Affaires of the Korean legation, Ye Cha-yun,  gave birth to a son they named "Washon," in honor of the nation's capitol. Washon sadly lived for only a few months though. He died shortly before Christmas. It was reported that Ye never saw the two month old son, due to a Corean custom that prevents a father from seeing a child until three months after its birth. The American press and D.C. social circles were already quite taken with Mrs. Ye, and were sympathetic to her tremendous loss. Less than a month after Washon's death, the NY Times read: “Since the death of their infant son, the poor little woman has suffered greatly from loneliness, as in the absence of the Minister's wife she has no companion at the legation." Mr. and Mrs. Ye used black-edged cards, an American mourning tradition, after the death of their baby. But as they were in Court mourning for the Queen Dowager of Corea, Mrs. Ye wore a strip of plain white ribbon across the front of her gown on the left side, white being the color of mourning in Corea.

                         

On 'Corea' vs 'Korea' ~ Three Corean dignitaries visit Washington D.C. in the late 1880s. "SEOUL — Is alphabetical order destiny? Yes, say Korean scholars and politicians who have begun a drive to change the official English-language name of their country to "Corea." The seemingly arcane campaign is based on an increasingly prevalent belief that the original "C" was switched to a "K" by the Japanese at the start of their 1910-45 occupation of the peninsula so that their lowly colonials would not precede them in the English alphabetical hierarchy. The controversy used to be fodder only for linguists and historians, but lately the debate has seeped out of academia and into the realm of the political. Twenty-two South Korean legislators last month introduced a resolution in their parliament calling for the government to adopt the Corea spelling -- the first time such a proposal has been made in official quarters in South Korea. North and South Korean scholars, who rarely agree on much, also held an unusual joint conference last month in Pyongyang, the North's capital, and resolved to work together for a spelling change. They hope it can be accomplished in time for the 2004 Olympics in Athens, when the estranged countries intend to field a joint team." 2003, Los Angeles Times News

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

South Korea's 'Wife-Training' School at The Institute Of Etiquette And Wisdom

Though Westernized wedding ceremonies are now the norm, some Korean brides prefer the ancient bridal traditions, when weddings (honrye) were held in the bride's yard or home. Hand lanterns were used for lighting the way from the groom's home to the bride's home on the night before the wedding. Traditionally, the groom's family would carry a wedding chest filled with gifts for the bride's family. The bride and groom wore formal court costumes for the wedding ceremony. Etiquette dictated that ordinary people were only permitted to wear the luxurious clothes on their wedding day. The groom would travel by horse to the bride's home. After the ceremony, he would take his wife in a palanquin (sedan chair) to his parents' home, where they would live.   

Inside South Korea’s Institute of Etiquette and ‘Wife-Training’ School

In one small corner of South Korea, tradition and customs have never been forgotten - at the Institute Of Etiquette And Wisdom, South Korea's ultimate finishing school.

For over 25 years, as part of its "bridal course," it has been training selected young women to become accomplished and desirable wives.

Women hope the course will give them an edge selecting a husband
South Korea's society has changed massively in the last 30 years, with the roles of the traditionally dominant men and submissive women being transformed.

Students learn everything from the complex rules and traditions dictating a formal Korean wedding to the symbolism of food served on special occasions.

Tradition and symbolism: Pairs of wooden Mandarin duck carvings called "wedding ducks" are often used in traditional wedding ceremonies because they represent peace, fidelity, and plentiful offspring.  Wedding geese symbolize a long and happy marriage. Cranes, which may be represented on the woman's sash, are a symbol of long life.

“As we go into the 21st Century, young people have to know about the culture and manners of the country,” according to Pak Yong-suk, director of the school.

“It is to teach these things that I set up the school.”

A Korean bride and groom of 1920

MS PAK'S RULES FOR WOULD-BE BRIDES

1. Never tell a husband what to do
2. Don't wear noisy shoes
3. Reject first two offers to hold hands
4. Further teaching ranges from how to walk silently and how far to bend the body when bowing, to how a woman should rebuff a man's attempt to hold her hand.

They should refuse twice, the lessons instruct, before accepting on the third try.

For its detractors, the Institute is an anachronism in one of the fastest-moving countries in the world.

Long noodles are served in South Korea on special occasions, but few people know why - it is to wish for a long life and happiness.

Marriage Hopes

For its supporters, the Institute's program remains a reminder of a timeless past, teaching valuable lessons that will one day give the girls the edge when it comes to selecting a husband.

One example, Ms Pak points out, is that long noodles are served in South Korea on special occasions, but few people know why - it is to wish for a long life and happiness.

 If you say 'I attended the Institute Of Etiquette And Wisdom', there will be households where you will get added points.

“Before joining this course, it seems to me that I did not really know about the formal rules of Korean etiquette,” student Park Ji-yon

“Like most Korean families, we hold ceremonies to remember our ancestors. I knew roughly that on those occasions I had to hold my hands in front of me.

“I used to do that any old how. Yesterday I learned that women have to put their right hand over their left, while men put their left hand over their right.

“It was something I was roughly aware of, but now I know categorically."

In one classroom, the students listen to a lecture on wearing traditional Korean costume.

They are told that if visiting the parents of a boyfriend, never wear strapless shoes - especially in the summer.

“Walking around going ‘clack, clack,’ is so ill-mannered,” the teacher informs them.

“Never wear this type of shoes. If you have to, have some rubber put on the soles.”

At least she's not wearing strapless shoes ~ Did South Korea return to its days of over-the-top censorship when an "overexposure law" went into effect in South Korea in March of 2013.  Under the decree, people deemed to be “overexposed” in public will be subject to a fine of 50,000 KRW (US$45). When the new legislation was announced, many residents assumed it meant restrictions on revealing outfits that are prevalent on the streets of Seoul and other South Korean cities.  The so-called "no pants" look has become a fashion staple, with women ditching pants and skirts for leggings, stocking or barely-there microshorts.

The reason that so many women sign up is the deep-rooted belief that it will give them a boost in the marriage stakes.

Park Ji-yon is very explicit about this; her mother, sister and cousin have all previously attended the course.

“This might sound a bit funny, but within some families, if you say ‘I attended the Institute Of Etiquette And Wisdom’, there will be households where you will get added points," she insisted.

“It means you are ready for marriage.”

An artist's depiction of a traditional Korean wedding in 1889

South Korea places huge importance on the continuation of the family line, and living together before marriage is still greatly frowned upon.

This, some believe, makes securing a good match essential.

And Ms Pak has advice for staying happily married too.

“A woman must never tell her husband what to do," Pak Yong-Suk said.

“For example, saying, 'on the way home, go to the supermarket and buy this, this and this, and don't forget' - you mustn't do this.

“This is giving an order.”

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia