Etiquette and Flirting

“Be advised there are flirtation props. although we seldom use them today. A lady walking past a gentleman who has caught her eye, might drop a lace handkerchief as she passes him, with hopes he will pick it up and run after her.”

Dear Anita Shower: Tell me about flirting. There must be etiquette involved with this favorite pastime. What's proper and what's not proper. —Signed: Need To Know

Dear “Need To Know”: May I tell you first of all, ‘flirting,’ according to the dictionary means: Being playfully romantic; something of little value or importance: speak or act in a playful or flirting way: (to) toy (with). This certainly gives us a place to start. How many people realize romance is attached to flirting, but as such, has little value?

In searching through my library of etiquette books, including books by The First Lady of Etiquette, Emily Post, there is no reference whatsoever to flirting. except in books written by Miss Manners. Judith Martin.

We have been a flirting society for years and years, as documented in novels, poems, art, and drama, yet no one wanted to broach the subject in any etiquette book until 1983. Miss Manners considers flirtation, "a gentle amusement," and is to be harmless and not lead to anything.

To keep flirting as proper as possible, it should be tastefully executed. This means if you are the one doing the flirting, you should have tact and realize flirting is done in small quantities, with consideration and good sense.

You should be aware of the individual preference of the person you are flirting with, because this is a coy game in which you “toy” with someone. It really isn't meant to hold much value or importance. but has no room for rudeness. If you are flirting, you are to be in normal, everyday, ordinary places because you wouldn't want others who are watching you to think, for one moment, you have lost your loyalty to your spouse, while you are going through these displays of meaningless antics towards another person.

Be advised there are flirtation props. although we seldom use them today. A lady walking past a gentleman who has caught her eye, might drop a lace handkerchief as she passes him, with hopes he will pick it up and run after her. 

 A gentleman on an aircraft, sitting next to a young lady, will glance quickly at the book she is reading so he may make conversation with her and in so doing, begin a flirtatious round of remarks.

A young man at a meeting notices a young lady's first name on her name tag and tells her name is his favorite girl's name. As you can see, things as well as remarks fall into the category of flirtation props.

Now we come to the problem of unwanted flirtatious manners. What's a person to do. If you do not want someone to flirt with you, which to some is the same as being courted, tell the person who is flirting with you that you are uncomfortable with the behavior and you would prefer if your relationship remains at a different level. Speak your mind if you are uncomfortable with remarks and gestures made towards you. Do so right away.

Honking your horn, or whistling at a young lady falls into the flirtation category, too. And we all know a young lady does not honk her horn at anyone, nor does she whistle at a man. In the same light, if a young lady is walking down the street and someone honks their horn at her or gives her a whistle, she simply holds her head high, puts her nose up in the air, and continues walking at her normal gait. — Sincerely, Anita Shower, who wrote a column as “Miss Etiquette”, 2000

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Etiquette of Fondue

Don’t ask for chocolate fondue in Switzerland as it is not a traditional Swiss dish. – Put the fondue fork down directly on the table if there isn’t a tablecloth or rest the fondue fork in a spoon, if there is a table cloth, or rest it on a plate at your setting that is specifically for the fondue fork.

Fondue Rules and History

Dear Miss Etiquette: Please tell me how to properly eat fondue. Do you eat the dippers right off the fondue fork, or do you take it off and put it on your plate and eat it with a regular dinner fork? While you are at it, tell me how to eat chocolate fondue.
Signed, Concerned

Dear Concerned: Fondue has its own vocabulary. Fondue is a French word, meaning to “melt.” In culinary usage, fondue means “melting to an edible consistency,” and does not refer to cheese alone. Fondue is billed as the national dish of Switzerland. When you are eating fondue, you are called a “dipper” or a “dunker.”

As you may know, there are several types of fondue. Cheese fondue is served in a fondue pot. It is kept warm by electric heat or Sterno heat. A bowl of bite- sized squares of French bread accompany the pot.

A piece of bread is speared on a long fork, called a fondue fork, and then dipped into the hot cheese. When sufficiently coated, it is withdrawn, held over the pot for a moment or two to drip, and then moved over to a dinner plate where you remove the bread from the fondue fork with the tines of your dinner fork.

Put the fondue fork down directly on the table if there isn’t a tablecloth or rest the fondue fork in a spoon, if there is a table cloth, or rest it on a plate at your setting that is specifically for the fondue fork.

The bread is eaten with the dinner fork. The dinner fork is not used to spear the bread that is dipped into the cheese never, ever.

A true master of fondue dips the bread into the fondue pot in a back and forth motion while swirling the bread, at the same time, clockwise. You should give the fondue a final turn, always in this same clockwise direction, for the next person who is about to dip.

Chocolate fondue is also served in a pot. A chunk of cake or a piece of fruit is speared on a long fondue fork and dipped into the chocolate until thoroughly coated.

After it is withdrawn, it is held over the pot for a moment or two before being transferred to a dessert plate where it is removed from the fondue fork by a dessert fork. The chocolate-coated cake or piece of fruit is eaten with the dessert fork. What a wonderful thought!

It is truly Swiss Alpine cooking that has become so international, Italy is credited with fondue in a book by Eric Weir (an Englishman) entitled, “When Madame Cooks.” You may be interested in knowing fondue was introduced to New York in 1795 by Jean-Anthelme Brillat-Savarin during his two-year exile during the French Revolution.

Some of the basics of fondue are:

• A successful fondue party is limited to eight persons; 
• If fondue is over-cooked, it will become stringy; 
• It is proper etiquette to keep the fondue in a constant stir while never allowing it to stand still; 
• At some fondue parties if the bread comes off of a dunker's fondue fork, the dunker pays a forfeit of a bottle of wine.
• By the way, if the ever popular Swiss cheese fondue becomes too thick, you may add a little heated wine to it. 
• At some point, it will cook down and there will be a crust at the bottom of the pot. The host usually forks it out and divides it among the guests. 
• If chocolate fondue becomes too thick, enjoy it anyway. – Anita Shower, 2001

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia