American Manners in 1981

State dinners had become so large by Ronald Reagan's presidency that none of the china could accommodate the number of guests. First Lady Nancy Reagan ordered 4,370 pieces of Lenox china, enough place settings of 19 pieces for 220 people. This was nearly twice as many placesettings as other recent services. The Reagans wanted a design that would display a strong presence for the subtly colored State Dining Room, now painted white. Nancy Reagan worked closely with Lenox designers to create a pattern with bands in a striking scarlet red, which was her favorite color. The pattern was bordered on each side with etched gold, which created a sparkling contrast with the soft ivory china. The presidential seal was in raised gold in the center, partially overlaying the red border. On pieces such as the service and dessert plates, fine gold crosshatching overlays the red. The Reagans were often criticized for the $209,508 cost, but the china was not funded by taxpayers. It was paid for by the J.P. Knapp Foundation.

The Social Graces Come Back Into Style

The Ronald Reagan family, setting a new lifestyle in the White House, also is turning America around on its social graces. You could call the process Nancy's national finishing school. Minding your Ps and Qs went into limbo in the revolutionary 1960s, remained there through the informal days of the Carter administration, but now is resurging under the Reagan influence, says one social arbiter who has written 12 etiquette books. What next? White gloves again, perhaps even hats, tea dances instead of disco, organdy replacing denim, and the waltz instead of the Texas two-step Marjabelle Stewart, who has made a successful career of teaching etiquette to everyone from 5-year-olds to executives on the way up. said the Reagans perhaps without being aware of their influence are casting an aura of elegance that is contagious. “They entertain graciously,” she said “They have the same attitudes, the same manners This is the most comfortable the White House has ever been ... all the Reagans did was move from one home to another. 

“The Reagans are truly representative Americans. They're so low key. They didnt have to have a new house. We had an aura when the Kennedys were in the White House. But Jackie brought a definitely European flavor. She leaned more to entertaining the French and British.” Mrs. Stewart, in a telephone interview from her home in Kewanne, Illinois, cited other factors reviving old-fashioned good manners and taste. “The royal wedding (of Prince Charles and Lady Diana) has had a big effect,” she said. “Think of how many Americans got up at weird hours to watch it on television. I'm in the Moline, Illinois, area and that meant getting up six hours early. Just how much that ultra-formal wedding will have in establishing more formality at weddings of other couples remains to be seen, when the peak marrying season arrives in the spring and summer. Especially with that 26 foot long train of Princess Diana’s,” she said. 

“It also remains to be seen how many young women will take to hats.” The Princess of Wales was hatted for her departure on the honeymoon and has worn chapeaux at almost every public appearance since. But then Britain's royal women have had an addiction to hats for generations. Mrs. Stewart said “renewed stress on formal education also was having an effect upward mobility, I call it,” she said. “You have a happy feeling that you're on your way. There is the communications influence. More people read, see and hear about everyday courtesies…Were buying etiquette books because we need them, not because we're putting on,” she said

Mrs. Stewart became an etiquette authority from running a finishing school in Silver Spring. Md. Robert Luce, a publisher, had a daughter in the school and suggested that Mrs. Stewart put some thoughts into a book. From this grew another idea: Why not offer etiquette classes through department stores? The White Gloves & Party Manners business was established in the 1960s. At one time, she had 400 franchises in leading stores around the nation. In the 70s she fell on hard times but says today, "I kept teaching in the Southern belt. They'd die before they give up their manners. – From and article by Gay Pauley, UPI Senior Editor:  1981

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Most Mannered Cities of 1989

Stewart, author of "Can My Bridesmaids Wear Black?" and 14 other books on etiquette, released her list of the 10 best mannered cities in America on Nov. 15. Council Bluffs, which Stewart called the "courtesy capital of the world," ranked second behind.

Etiquette expert says Portland is most mannered city in U.S.

Etiquette authority Marjabelle Young Stewart has selected Portland, Ore., as the most mannered city in the country. Council Bluffs and the Quad Cities in Iowa and Illinois are in the top ten. It was followed by San Diego; Chicago; Washington D.C.; Charleston, S.C.; Seattle, Wash.; the Twin Cities in Minnesota; the Quad Cities; and Los Angeles.

Stewart, author of "Can My Bridesmaids Wear Black?" and 14 other books on etiquette, released her list of the 10 best mannered cities in America on Nov. 15. Council Bluffs, which Stewart called the "courtesy capital of the world," ranked second behind.

Stewart said nominations for the most-mannered cities come from graduates of classes she teaches for business executives. She said she delivers etiquette seminars for major corporations that realize "polish will bring profit."

“Manners will take you anywhere," said Stewart, who now lives in Kewanee, Ill, – Des Moines, Iowa (AP) - 1989

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Make’s One a Finer Person

Marjabelle Young Stewart’s photo from the back of her 1969 book, ‘Stand Up, Shake Hands, Say “How Do You Do”’

Good etiquette is just a sense, in a matter of speaking

She was the “Empress of Etiquette,” the “Queen of Courtesy” to her legions of readers. She was a protegee of Mrs. Meriwether Post and Mamie Eisenhower, and frequent guest at the White House. She moved from the nation’s capital to the “hog capital of the world” 37 years ago. Marjabelle Young Stewart reigned over her etiquette empire with books, videos, lectures and interviews with no hint of slowing down. With 21 books to her credit, in 2005 she was promoting “The Complete Wedding Planner.” 

According to Stewart at that time, etiquette books were outselling cookbooks. Her message was simple and consistent: Etiquette is a key to clear communication, a protocol for professional success, a tool for a happy and productive life. “Etiquette can take you where you want to go faster than a speeding BMW,” she said. “Good manners take you places money can't.” Etiquette is also the common-sense nuts and bolts of life. “Don't end up at the wedding with a wad of soggy, wet Kleenex. Be sure to take a lace-edged hankie,” she admonished. Stewart said her knowledge of etiquette started with on-the-job training. “I went from a 17-year-old girl in Council Bluffs, Iowa, to the wife of an international scientist in Washington, D.C.,” she said. “I became a ‘sipper.’ I'd sip my drink and look over and see what fork or spoon others at the table were using. It was on-the-job training at the highest level.” 

Mellowed by decades of weddings, state dinners and formal entertaining, Stewart said the ultimate goal of etiquette is to make others feel comfortable. She recalled a White House dinner with then-President George H.W. Bush, father of the current president, and his guests from Asia, where the custom is to serve a clear broth at the end of the meal. When White House staff served finger bowls at the end of the meal, guests were startled to see the Asian diplomats pick up the finger bowls and drink the contents. Without hesitation, Bush picked up his finger bowl and toasted his American guests, indicating they should follow suit. Everyone at the table drank the contents of their finger bowls. “That is etiquette,” said Stewart. 

“Etiquette is knowledge, not to criticize others with or to put on airs, but to make you a finer person. Use etiquette to make your family and friends, acquaintances and colleagues feel like royalty.” — From an article by Clare Howard, for the Copley News Service, 2005

Marjabelle Young Stewart died in 2007

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Manners for Sports’ Spectators

“As you grow older, you may go to the horse races, and if you are as lucky as most people at a race track, your horse will lose. Don't boo a horse if he does. He has feelings, too.” — Marjabelle Young Stewart

As you grow older you will become more and more a spectator at sporting events. At some, such as football, base ball, horse racing, hockey, and track meets, you can shout to your heart's content. But at others, like golf and tennis, you must remain quiet until the player has made his shot, or-in the case of tennis-until the player has made his point.

Razzing players on a football or baseball field may be good fun, but it isn't good sportsmanship. You have to assume that the people on the field are doing their best, and nobody likes to be razzed or booed. Before doing either one, try to put yourself in the player's place; see how you would feel if the fans were booing you.

As you grow older, you may go to the horse races, and if you are as lucky as most people at a race track, your horse will lose. Don't boo a horse if he does. He has feelings, too.

Source ~ Marjabelle Young Stewart’s and Ann Buchwald's 1969, “Stand up, Shake hands, Say ‘How Do You Do’” ~ What boys need to know about today's manners.

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Locker-Room Manners

Control your temper: Don't throw your helmet, towel, or a ball to the ground; don't shake your fist or holler in anger at anyone. No one respects a person who can't keep his temper under ice.
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To update these excellent manners from 1969, Etiquipedia would like to add to this list that unless one is from a reputable news service or magazine, under no circumstances is it allowable to take photos of others in a locker-room without their permission. If the person being photographed is a minor, the parent’s or guardian’s permission is first needed, as well.

Some fellows who can control themselves on the field in front of an audience lose their cool in the locker room. This is dangerous because you are judged by your team mates and your coaches in the locker room, and if you get out of control there, they can't trust you on the field.

Don't use foul language in the locker room. It's out of character for good athletes, and it embarrasses other people.

Control your temper: Don't throw your helmet, towel, or a ball to the ground; don't shake your fist or holler in anger at anyone. No one respects a person who can't keep his temper under ice.

Don't spit in locker rooms or showers.

Don't leave hot showers running, don't throw tissue on the floor, and always, always flush the toilet after using it.

Don't start water fights in the locker room. Someone could slip and become severely injured.

Towel snapping is permissible, providing you're willing to let someone snap a towel back at you. 

Source ~ Marjabelle Young Stewart’s and Ann Buchwald's 1969, 

Stand up, Shake hands, Say “How Do You Do” ~ What boys need to know about today's manners.

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Profiles in Etiquette ~ Marjabelle Young Stewart

From the back of the 1969 book, ‘Stand Up, Shake Hands, Say “How Do You Do”’

Marjabelle Young Stewart; taught and wrote about etiquette

Marjabelle Young Stewart, an authority on proper manners who wrote more than 20 books and ruled the White Gloves and Blue Blazers children’s etiquette empires, died in 2007. She was 82.

Stewart, also famous for the annual list of best-mannered cities she began issuing in 1977, died March 3, 2007, of pneumonia at a nursing home in Kewanee, Ill., according to her daughter, Jacqueline Ramont.

Stewart’s career took her to the White House to teach manners to the daughters of Presidents Johnson and Nixon and later made her a fixture on the talk-show circuit. But her early years were anything but aristocratic.

“She was a self-made woman,” Ramont said. “She always said a good handshake and good table manners would get you anywhere.

Stewart was the second of four daughters born in Council Bluffs, Iowa, to Marie and Clarence Cullen Bryant. Her father was a great-grandson of poet William Cullen Bryant. The couple divorced while the girls were young and turned them over to a local orphanage called Children’s Square, where one of them died.

“I’ve just recently come to grips with all this,” Stewart told a Times interviewer in 1987 while recalling her childhood. “It was an old tin can I had to get rid of.”

But although she often spoke of the rigors of her orphanage upbringing, Stewart also credited the training she received there for her knowledge of etiquette, her granddaughter Erin Marjabelle Albert said.

After being reunited with her mother, Stewart lived on an Iowa farm and graduated from high school in Council Bluffs. In 1941, at the age of 17, she married scientist Jack Davison Young and moved with him to Washington, D.C., where she worked in a naval yard before being recruited for a modeling assignment. She soon became one of Washington’s top models and founded a modeling agency with two other women.

Her modeling work brought Stewart into contact with Washington society. She met the late humor columnist Art Buchwald, who persuaded her to collaborate with his wife, Ann, on a light-toned etiquette book. The result, “White Gloves and Party Manners,” became an unexpected bestseller. Stewart collaborated on two other books with Ann Buchwald before going on to write more books by herself.

Stewart and Young divorced, and in 1962 she married attorney William E. Stewart and moved with him to Kewanee.

Impressed with the success of his wife’s books, he and several of his friends founded a business based on the etiquette training technique she had been offering in classes for professionals and college students.

The results were trademarked etiquette classes for children, White Gloves for girls and Blue Blazers for boys.

The classes were eventually offered in conjunction with department store chains in 800 cities nationwide, including Bullock’s in Southern California.

Stewart is survived by her husband, two children, three grandchildren and one great-grandchild.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Vintage Etiquette for 'Tween or Teen Boys

From Another Vintage Book on the Etiquipedia© Library Shelves 

"Some Kind Thoughts" from Stand Up, Shake Hands, Say"How do you do?" Vintage etiquette advice for teen boys.

Some Kind Thoughts

When you are around handicapped people, the hardest but most important thing is to treat them like everyone else. Don't change the way you normally talk or act. In other words; be yourself as much as you can. Also, keep these facts in mind:

Blind people are not deaf, so you don't have to talk louder. When you're talking to a blind person, use his name as often as possible, because that is his only way of knowing you're addressing him.  When you first meet a blind person, even if he knows you well, identify yourself: Say, "Hi, I'm Jim Jones." or "Hello, Mrs. Smith — Margy Brown." And always tell a blind person what you are offering him: "Here's your sandwich, Bill." or "This is the iced tea you wanted, Mrs. Johnson."

Deaf people prefer to read lips or to follow their own methods of hearing you; so don't raise your voice around them. Always keep your head turned toward a deaf person when you are speaking, although you don't have to keep your eyes focused on him. Never point out to a newcomer that someone is deaf — it doesn't help anyone or anything.

“You're off to a pal's for a while. You're going to buy some bicycle tape. It's important to let your parents know -- they relax when they're sure of what you're up to.” 

Say good morning — or at least "Hi" to each member of your family when you first see him in the morning. Answer when your spoken to — Say, "Yes, mother."; "No, mother."; "Yes, dad."; "No, dad." instead of Yah, Unhuh, Nope, and Naw, which are noises, not words.

Say hello to your father when he comes home from work — Just a simple, "Hi, dad" as he takes off his coat reminds him of what he's working for —  you, mostly.

Let your family know when you come and go — You're home and all's well. You're off to a pal's for a while. You're going to buy some bicycle tape. It's important to let your parents know — they relax when they're sure of what you're up to. The more cooperative you are about your plans, the more cooperative they'll be.

Replace what you borrow — and believe it or not, others will do the same for you!

Say "Sorry" when you bump into someone, step on a toe, or get in someone's way — and that goes for young and old, male and female victims.

Stand up when your mother comes into a room and offer her a chair if she's going to sit down. Hold her chair for her when she comes to the dining room table. Then you'll remember to do this for other women.

Open doors for your mother and sisters — for all women, as a matter of fact, and let them go ahead of you.

Carry packages for your mother or any other woman you're walking with.  This includes sisters.

Say "Thank you" and "Please" when you ask for something or get it. These may have been your first words of good manners, but no matter how tall in the saddle you get, they're still your most powerful weapons.

Pay your debts, even if it's only a dime you owe your little sister. It's the only way to avoid becoming a dead beat, a beggar, or a bad risk. If you're broke, offer to do an errand or a chore; then pay what you owe on the spot.

Observe others' privacy — and you'll get the privacy you want for your own room, possessions, mail, books, or collections.

When you share a room, do your share of housekeeping — particularly in the bathroom. Hang up towels, put your own stuff where it belongs, and clean the bathtub before you leave.

Say goodnight to your parents when you're ready to go to bed. You don't believe in ghosts anymore, so why disappear like one yourself?

 Source ~ Marjabelle Young Stewart’s and Ann Buchwald's 1969, 

Stand up, Shake hands, Say "How Do You Do" ~ What boys need to know about today's manners

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©  Etiquette Encyclopedia