Gilded Age Etiquette and “Dudes”

“There is a class of those female dudes in Washington who esteem it the proper performance to chatter in bad French at all times and upon all occasions. A bevy of these young women approached Madame de Struve at a reception in the White House, and began chattering in a more or less broken French…” — Baron de Struve and Baroness de Struve. Baron de Struve was a Russian Minister and the Baroness was a highly popular gilded age guest in diplomatic circles. — Public domain image of Baron and Baroness de Struve, courtesy of Wikipedia 

A WASHINGTON EPISODE

That Had a Pointer in It for Those Who Ape Foreign Manners

Baron de Struve, the Russian minister, and his wife are among the most popular people of the diplomatic circle in Washington. They are utterly simple and sincere, and are completely captivated by all things American. Madame de Struve is a very intelligent woman, but utterly without ostentation, and thoroughly a lady in all the best meaning of the term. The baron is as plain a man as a Maryland farmer, and both pay America the delicate compliment of seeking to appear American in all things.

The Baroness one day recently, showed her quick knowledge and appreciation of the fine points of etiquette, and at the same time fittingly rebuked a pert young American miss in a manner that will not soon be forgotten, and that should be told for the benefit of other similar young women who ape foreign airs, cultivate foreign tongues, and think it the proper thing to shrug one’s shoulders, elevate one’s eyebrows, and turn the palms of one’s hands outward in all the essence of depreciation at the mention of their own country.

There is a class of those female dudes in Washington who esteem it the proper performance to chatter in bad French at all times and upon all occasions. A bevy of these young women approached Madame de Struve at a reception in the White House, and began chattering in a more or less broken French, and she replied in her rather lame English:

“Why,” said one of the party, “do you not speak French, madam? I am sure you must be able to speak it.” The Baroness gave them a keen glance and replied, “Yes, I speak French, but not in the house of the American President. Though I speak English poorly, I speak it here as well as I can.”

The party were not dull enough to miss the rebuke in the calm and lady-like remark, and the baroness continued: “I do not like to speak French any where. It is a foolish and frivolous language and I dislike it. Why should one use it when one can express herself in the English, which is the noblest and best language in the world, as America is the greatest and grandest nation in the world. I am proud to speak in the language of the Americans.”

The giddy young misses began to converse in English, at least while in Madame de Struve’s presence. Some of them told the story, and its circulation caused the young lady who wondered that the Baroness did not speak French, some mortification. — Cincinnati Commercial Gazette, 1885

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

U.S. Diplomatic Order of Precedence

“The new British diplomatic representative to the United States, Anthony Merry, and his wife were shocked and insulted when the President received them in worn clothing and slippers. In December 1803 at a formal dinner in the White House, no one offered to escort Mrs. Merry to dinner. In the dining room, Merry and his wife had to scramble for places at the table in competition with the other guests. The Marquis d'Yrujo, the Spanish diplomat, had the same experience. He and Merry agreed that this treatment was an insult to them and to their countries. The two diplomats and their wives sought to retaliate.”

In 1908, the Roosevelt Administration created the first U.S. Order of Precedence as a means of settling a history of embarrassment, confusion, and miscommunication amongst officials invited to events at the White House. As the structure of the federal government evolved, this list has adapted and grown. The President of the United States may make adjustments to the Cabinet, to give certain White House positions the status of Cabinet-rank which then follow the heads of the executive departments.

The U.S. Order of Precedence is used primarily in diplomacy. International rules on precedence were first established at the Congress of Vienna in 1815. By determining that envoys of equal title would be ranked according to the date and hour that they presented their credentials to the government that accredited them for service, the Congress of Vienna solidified a fair and justifiable system for diplomatic relations. These same rules are still used to determine the order of precedence of the Diplomatic Corps in Washington, D.C. Additionally, when on official business in the United States, foreign government officials are afforded the same protocol ranking as their corresponding position in the United States government.

A few basic principles regarding precedence should be noted. First, the host or hostess of a meeting or event always takes the primary position of precedence, regardless of their title or traditional ranking. Second, a person’s relative precedence may increase or decrease depending on the policy or context behind the specific meeting or event, or based on the wishes of the host on any occasion.

The methodology used in ordering officials for this list includes the United States Code; statutory prescription on precedence, including executive orders; well-established and widely- accepted principles, procedures, and traditions throughout the history of the order of precedence; the current structure of the federal government and the executive departments; and finally, recommendations by the Chief of Protocol based on practical treatment of a particular position or positions.

For any questions regarding the U.S. Order of Precedence, please email the Office of the Chief of Protocol at ProtocolHelp@state.gov. — From U.S. Order of Precedence

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Diplomatic Blunder Led to Faux Pas

It was bad enough that he had a faux nose to replace the one he lost due to illness, but how on earth could someone with a faux nose use snuff? And would the person even want to???— “Prince Alexander, with his wonted grace of manner, soothed the wounded spirit of the diplomatist, and on taking leave of him was so anxious to be polite that, forgetting the peculiar disabilities under which Gadban Effeudi labored, he presented him with a valuable silver snuff-box.” — Above, antique silver snuff box.

In a letter from Sophia, we find the following story: Gadban Effendi, at some early period of his life, was in delicate health, and his malady settling in his note brought about the total loss of that feature. This misfortune was mitigated by the adoption of a paper substitute, which answers uncommonly well and never turns blue on frosty mornings. But of course it is not a thing to take notice of or talk about. Yet, when Gadban Effendi was going to Stamboul last January with the Prince's message to the Sultan, a passport was given him by the Bulgarian Foreign office, which contained his signalement, of which one of the items was, “Nez Postiche.”


This brutal precision irritated Gadban Effendi very much. He demanded an audience of the Prince, and insisted that the passport clerk should be dismissed. Prince Alexander, with his wonted grace of manner, soothed the wounded spirit of the diplomatist, and on taking leave of him was so anxious to be polite that, forgetting the peculiar disabilities under which Gadban Effeudi labored, he presented him with a valuable silver snuff-box. — Daly Alta, 1886

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Diplomacy and Cads

The dapper, Spencer Eddy, spent 15 years working his way up in the U.S. diplomatic service and was briefly the Minister to Argentina (1908-1909), followed by Romania (1909), when he resigned due to his wife’s poor health. What a pity that in his many lofty positions, he never learned that publicly spreading gossip about others was considered poor manners.
—Public domain photo 

Who is the Real Cad?

That brilliant light of diplomacy, Spencer Eddy, who married a granddaughter of the late Claus Spreckels of San Francisco, is said by the New York Globe to be telling a story of the horrible experience he went through when a San Francisco friend ate peas with his knife at a London dinner. Eddy is a Chicagoan, and his story is amusing to Californians, for when Chicago’s millionaires were still serving head cheese for dessert and pigs-feet for breakfast, Californians were returning from European tours where they were indistinguishable from other civilized beings by their table manners, except that Californians conducted themselves at the table better than the average Europeans. 

No Californian abroad has ever behaved in the way British cads have in this country, and several of the cads had titles, too. Nor does it become a New York paper to discuss crudity of table manners, for the public restaurants there give an opportunity for comparison that puts the average Gothamite in the ultra ill-bred class. Here is another point of view. 

Even if Eddy's San Francisco friend did commit the horrible faux pas of eating peas with his knife, he must have been a decent fellow—too decent to have told tales about Eddy, had Eddy, for example, come to California and made a fool of himself, as many such persons do, in discussing local affairs and history. If Eddy told the story credited to him by the New York Globe, it is Eddy who is the boor and the cad for decrying his guest, and not the mythical San Franciscan. — San Francisco Call, 1909

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Diplomacy vs School of Insults

In the world arena, our Secretary of State, thanks to a few blunt words, has so infuriated Canada that I am prepared to hear that our Northern neighbor is contemplating a wall to keep our dollars in and our citizens out. As for “le Grand Charles,” he has recently been so busy insulting his friends that he has had no time to dust off his enemies.

An ‘Insult School’?

The President of the United States has asked Congress to establish a National Academy of Foreign Affairs to train American diplomats just as diplomacy by insult appears to have reached its finest flower both here and abroad. Plain speech or the knuckle-duster approach in forcing relations has in recent weeks raised the hackles on nations that were, at least on the surface, kissin’s cousins. In the world arena, our Secretary of State, thanks to a few blunt words, has so infuriated Canada that I am prepared to hear that our Northern neighbor is contemplating a wall to keep our dollars in and our citizens out. As for “le Grand Charles,” he has recently been so busy insulting his friends that he has had no time to dust off his enemies. Khrushchev has violently denounced the Franco-West German rapprochement. And the third Afro-Asian Peoples Solidarity Conference, just to keep in practice, used the most insulting language to condemn Great Britain, France, the United States, the United Nations, Israel, Portugal and South Africa, to name a few. 

To Perfect The Insult? 

In suggesting a National Academy of Foreign Affairs, it is difficult to know whether the President is contemplating the perfection of the new insult technique or a return to old-fashioned diplomacy, once described as the ability “to do and say the nastiest things in the nicest way.” That ability “to do and say the nastiest things in the nicest way” kept the world wagging along on an uneven keel for centuries during which diplomacy was conducted behind closed doors. It was the rapier vs. the bludgeon approach, that has come to characterize “open diplomacy openly arrived at.” The demand for “open diplomacy openly arrived at” developed out of World War I, in a misguided belief that this was the only way to conduct foreign affairs in a democratic manner. In recent years, there has been a growing belief that perhaps a few closed doors in the conduct of foreign affairs is not a bad idea and that maybe — for once – Grandpa knew best. 

It Hasn't Worked Yet 

No one can honestly claim that open diplomacy openly arrived at has evened the world’s keel, prevented wars or endeared nations to one another in any noticeable degree. Probably its most notable contribution to the conduct of world affairs has been the introduction of the shoe as a diplomatic weapon or equalizer. Surely this nation has also reached a maturity that demands that the two major political parties stop regarding the big and important foreign posts as political plums. For 100 years diplomatic appointments to such foreign posts as London, Paris, Rome, Madrid and even Berlin – in the old days – have been handed out by Republicans and Democrats alike as rewards to the rich party faithfuls who contribute handsomely to the party war chests. The going price of London and Paris was pegged at a contribution of $50,000 some 30 years ago. How inflation has affected the asking price knoweth not. But is surely a preposterous way to run a railroad or a diplomatic service. – Inez Robb, 1963

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Cross-Cultural Etiquette: 19th C. Insults

In England, if a friend is visiting another and stays to dinner, he may ask for the loan of a hairbrush without giving offense, but in Hungary he may not. 

Unintentional Insults? 

Persons Must Be Very Careful When In a Foreign Country

A short time back a message was received by the authorities through the Chinese legation that the gentleman representing her majesty in China had been guilty of conduct unbecoming an embassador and a gentleman; that he had insulted the Chinese cabinet. Investigation, however, showed that the only conduct of which he had been guilty was thumping the table at which he was sitting to emphasize a remark. Of course no notice was taken of the affair, but, all the same, the diplomatists of China were offended, for in that country it is an insult to the assembled company to thump the table. It only shows how careful one should be in a foreign country.

In England, if a friend is visiting another and stays to dinner, he may ask for the loan of a hairbrush without giving offense, but in Hungary he may not. To attempt to borrow that useful article is one of the greatest insults which can be offered to a Hungarian and one which will in most cases cause a duel.

In France there are several insults which the unwary foreigner may offer without knowing it. For example, he may be visiting a friend and may put his hat upon the bed. This is a grievous form of insult, but why it is not known. It is a very ancient one, and so probably results from an old superstition. 

Again, there are two ways of pouring out wine in France, as everywhere else. One of these is to hold the bottle so that while pouring the thumb is facing the tablecloth. The second way is to hold the hand reversed—that is, with the knuckles downward—and this is a great insult to the assembled guests and the host, a far greater insult than drinking a health in water, and that is pretty serious in France.

Germany has some curious forms of insult. To begin with, to offer a rose or any other flower without any green or leaves with it to a lady is to deeply insult her, though why this should be so is not known precisely. The German students are formed into corps, some of which are fighting corps and others not. Each corps has its distinctive cap, and when a member of one meets another in the street it is etiquette for each to doff his cap. Should the other not respond, a complaint is made to his corps, and a duel is fought—a real duel, with sabers or pistols, not the fencing duel which is pastime in Germany, just us foiling or single stick is in England—for the insult is nearly the worst that can be offered.

There is one worse, and that is spilling or flicking beer over another student purposely. No apology will wipe out this offense. Nothing will, except a duel to the death or a duel which is continued until one of the combatants is too badly wounded to continue the fight. A minor insult is to refuse to drink with a student if invited or to refuse to respond with “Prosit” when he raises his glass and says, “Icth Komme vor,” but this is more a breach of good manners than an actual insult.

We might finish with two Spanish examples of curious insults in South America. The first of these is to refuse to smoke a cigarette which another man offers you after he has bud it in his mouth, and the second is to refuse drink out of the same glass that a man has just drunk from, or, worse still, to wipe it before drinking.—London TitBit, 1898

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Diplomatic Ethics

The sinking of the U.S.S. Maine: While the incident is still fresh in the memory of the people, our Secretary of State has seen fit to give a public dinner, and to include in the list of invited guests the Spanish Minister at Washington!

Disgusting Subserviency

The ethics of Diplomacy seem to have no limitations. While the dead of the Maine were being fished out of the slime of Havana harbor, our ambassador at the Spanish Court was engaged in wining and dining and toasting the Ministers and Diplomats of that country.

So outraged was the American sense of propriety over this incident that public sentiment was voiced in a Congressional resolution of censure, which, although not adopted, at least served to emphasize the universal conviction that good taste did not call for any such demonstration at that time.

Yet, while the incident is still fresh in the memory of the people, our Secretary of State has seen fit to give a public dinner, and to include in the list of invited guests the Spanish Minister at Washington.

While the wine was being passed around at Sherman's Washington home, the wife of Minister Woodford was hurrying out of Spain, and the consuls of this government in Cuba were being concentrated at Havana, ready to flee for their lives upon the first announcement of a break in Diplomatic intercourse, a precaution never before deemed requisite in dealings between recognized civilized nations.

If diplomatic etiquette demands any such sacrifices of national dignity to have been laid at the doors of Minister Woodford and Secretary Sherman, it will be conceded that they are in sore need of revision. — Los Angeles Herald, 1898

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia