Victorian Children’s Table Manners

“If in doubt at any time as to what is proper, follow the example of others of more experience.” Wise etiquette advice then, and just as wise advice now. 

Table Manners for Children

• Drink from the cup—never from the saucer
• Teaspoons are left in the saucer, not in the cup. 
• Making a noise, either in eating or drinking, is vulgar. 
• Always cheerfully defer to older people and to guests. 
• Eat slowly, and do not fill the mouth with large quantities. 
• Eat the food served or quietly leave it on the plate without remark. 
• Avoid drumming with the fingers or feet; it is the height of impoliteness. 
• If in doubt at any time as to what is proper, follow the example of others of more experience. 
• Patiently await the coming of your turn; do not follow with the eyes the food served to others. 
• Never unnecessarily handle the dishes, or in any other way exhibit nervousness or impatience. 
• Do not feel obliged to “clean up the plate;” especially do not make a laborious display of doing so. 
• Do not ask for any particular part of a fowl or similar dish, unless asked your preference; in that case always indicate some part, and if there really be no choice, designate the portion with which the host can most conveniently render service.— The Weekly Bouquet, 1898

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Grace Under Pressure

Georgian Era shaving —"John, why do you not fetch a strop and razor, you see your master is going to shave himself?" Philip's greediness was checked for that meal!

Chesterfield's Coolness

The Earl of Chesterfield was called the first gentleman of his age. It. was a cardinal point of etiquette with him never to exhibit ill temper in company, or be remiss in courtesy to any guest. But he was sometimes sorely tried hy the rude and awkward manners of his son, Philip Stanhope, whom he tried in vain to educate to gentlemanly habits. 

Philip was a great glutton, and could not restrain his appetite even in company. On one occasion, when his father had invited a large number of titled guests, an elegant entertainment was provided. One of the rare dishes was a platter of baked gooseberries, snowed over with rich cream. Philip had been helped bountifully by Lady Chesterfield, who knew his weakness. 

But when the servant was taking out the dish in clearing the table, Philip beckoned to him, and taking it in his hand began to lap up greedily the rich cream. Lord Chesterfield was disgusted, but without a change of face or voice to indicate the tempest within, said in a calm tone to the servant: "John, why do you not fetch a strop and razor, you see your master is going to shave himself?" Philip's greediness was checked for that meal.—New York Press, 1891

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

An Etiquette Tip and Tipping

"My fines," he said, "constitute my tips." Mournfully the waiter watched him depart. "How I wish." he sighed, "that I had known him in his sloppy days." 

An Unprofitable Etiquette Reformation

In a restaurant that strives to inculcate good manners, a man who admitted that he was rather slow on etiquette, but was trying to learn, besought the waiter to assist in the reformation. "My chief trouble," said he, "is splashing. I used to splash like anything. But by degrees I am curing myself. Know how? 

Well, sir, I have made it a rule to cover all the spots I make on the table cloth with silver money, nickels, dimes, quarters, halves, whatever it takes to cover them, and then give the money away. As I am not a rich man, that nearly broke me and I began to reform." The waiter nodded encouragingly and said he was glad to hear it. 

The man ate a substantial meal. When he had finished, the cloth was disfigured with only one small coffee stain which a dime easily covered. He handed the dime to the waiter.

"My fines," he said, "constitute my tips." Mournfully the waiter watched him depart. "How I wish.' he sighed, "that I had known him in his sloppy days." — San Francisco Call, 1912

Tipping Etiquette and Stereotypes

From TIME Magazine, 2014

Some stereotypes about tipping appear to be true. Certain ethnic groups are perceived to be less generous tippers than others. Apparently, these theories are not simply urban myths. 

One recent study found that Hispanics tipped less at restaurants than whites after controlling for factors such as bill size and the customer’s personal feelings about the quality of the service and food, while the conclusion in another survey declared “restaurant servers and their managers can expect below average tips from black customers regardless of their social class.” 

Only 11% of Italians in a recent survey, meanwhile, said that they “always” tipped for service on vacation, compared with 60% of Americans.

Millennials are bad tippers too. Millennials are known to love tasting new foods and tend to dine out in “upscale, casual-dining” establishment more than older generations, yet roughly one-third of  Gen Y tips less than 15% at restaurants. 

Only 16% of people in demographics older than the millennials admit to tipping less than 15%.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Advice for Lovelorn

"... there are so many faults about his table manners that I would have to criticise everything, it seems."

Etiquette Advice for the Lovelorn and Unmannerly

"I am going with a young man who is very good to me and has a very good character, but he is very self conscious and twists his hands in such a peculiar manner when he thinks anyone is watching him, and stands all humped over and awkward. It embarrasses me terribly when in company. He also has very bad table manners. 

He leaves his spoon in his cup when he drinks and stoops over his food instead of bringing the food up gracefully to mouth. These things are embarrassing to me and I get so provoked I don't know what to do. I have suggested that he take his spoon out of the cup when drinking and it hurt his feelings frightfully, I believe. But there are so many faults about his table manners that I would have to criticise everything, it seems. 

Won’t you kindly tell me what to do, because he is all right other ways and is more moral than the average boy. I  don't want to contend with his bad manners, as I myself have been taught table etiquette and notice details." —From "C. P."

"A man’s morals are of infinitely more importance to a woman than his table manners or the way he carries himself in company. For the sake of his good morals you should be willing to be patient and long suffering on the score of more trlviaf matters. No man likes to be nagged—and no woman ought to be willing to develop into a hen-pecking wife. 

I am firmly convinced that an attitude of unkind superiority and criticism over personalities, such as leaving a spoon in a cup or twisting hands from embarrassment breaks up many a home and wrecks many lives. If you feel your knowledge, of table etiquette is so fine that it will prevent a daily exercise of tact and kindness toward this man, you had better give him up. You will, however, be making a mistake. 

Try to forget your own good manners—they aren’t really good, you know, or you would not have criticized him. but would have influenced him by tact and indirect methods. Remember how finehe is in the things that really count, and leave to time, patience and affection, the smaller task of helping him to more polished manners." — by Beatrice Fairfax, in the Los Angeles Herald, 1917