Showing posts with label Gilded Age Society. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gilded Age Society. Show all posts

Monday, January 9, 2023

Gilded Age Dinner Guest Lists

Great care should be taken to invite those who are agreeable to each other. Good talkers and good listeners are equally invaluable at a dinner. 
TO shine at the dinner table requires much conversant practice with polite life. Persons invited to a dinner party should be of the same standing in society. They need not be acquaintances, yet they should be such as move in the same class or circles. 
Great care should be taken to invite those who are agreeable to each other. Good talkers and good listeners are equally invaluable at a dinner. Among your guests always have one or more musicians. This will add greatly to the entertainment of your friends before and after dinner. —From “Rules of Etiquette and Home Culture,” 1890

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Tuesday, May 10, 2022

Gilded Age Tastemaker Displeased

The Southern drawl voiced, velvety smooth talking tastemaker to The 400 in New York City of the Gilded Age, Ward McAllister (brilliantly played by a restrained Nathan Lane) was knocked from his lofty perch by 1889. He was not happy about this fall from the unofficial governing board of the highest level of the social etiquette strata.
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Regarding a ball he was NOT asked to oversee, an angry McAllister reveled in the aftermath: “
Even the humble reporter admits to share his enjoyment, and to them paints he the ball in the gloomiest possible colors. Doubtless the ball had its drawbacks, but still it was not quite the orgy that in his scorn he not unaccountably chooses to make it. Doubtless the throng was dense and the supper room much over crowded, and there was excess of wine, both honey-hearted and très sec. Doubtless there is an objection to launching young girls in society, even as ships are sped from the well-greased ways to the water, with the breaking over their bows of foaming bottles of champagne. Doubtless when three thousand men demand all their hats at one moment of three sable and sleepy attendants there must be confusion.”




The Wrath of McAllister
Musing yet once more the destructive wrath of McAllister, not yet appeased nor in the least likely to be so till the committee in general, and Stuyvesant Fish in particular, are covered over with shame and sent into permanent Coventry. Truly revenge is sweet even to leaders of germans, howbeit for that function the much disgusted McAllister now may seem to himself somewhat too old and rheumatic. Nathless, when he departed to sulk in his tent at the capital, he did not wholly forsake the sacred cause of society. Still his address might be had and still he might have been sent for when the intrusive committee had got things into a tangle. Doubtless a swell deputation from Stuyvesant Hamiltonides, calling him back to retrieve the results of presumptuous rashness, would have been kindly received and its message considered with patience. Even the swift-footed telegram might have brought back to the rescue (if properly winged and prepaid by the patient but few-counseled Bowen) him who alone could bring some order out of the chaos.

But the besotted committee did not do any of these things, and the lost leader comes back to amuse himself over their downfall. Even the humble reporter admits to share his enjoyment, and to them paints he the ball in the gloomiest possible colors. Doubtless the ball had its drawbacks, but still it was not quite the orgy that in his scorn he not unaccountably chooses to make it. Doubtless the throng was dense and the supper room much over crowded, and there was excess of wine, both honey-hearted and très sec. Doubtless there is an objection to launching young girls in society, even as ships are sped from the well-greased ways to the water, with the breaking over their bows of foaming bottles of champagne. Doubtless when three thousand men demand all their hats at one moment of three sable and sleepy attendants there must be confusion. If to his plans it is that we owe the success of the banquet, why were his plans for the ball not equally wise and foresighted ? 

While he was losing his rest for the sake of taking sweet counsel with learned and eminent cooks concerning suitable dishes, having especial regard to comparative quickness of service, why did he not put on record his views on the care of the cloak room? If he did so, it is but too plain that a fearful responsibility rests on the rash and wretched committee. Still it is hard to believe that a mind absorbed, like the mind of McAllister, with the abstruser points of deep gastronomical problems could at the same time find room for the consideration of hat checks. As to the famous quadrille, his view is doubtless the right one. When the officials declined the committee should have selected statesmen and sages and bards and men of weight and distinction. Personages like these might have felt very awkward and looked so, but the quadrille would have been much more impressive in history danced by a number of wretched and eminent fish out of water than if en joyed by a number of dapper and well-greaved New-Yorkers.

Now that Peleides has left his tent and come forth to take part in the battle, he engages to give us a ball that will shame the committee. Doubtless the scheme he has formed will result in something more pleasant than the crush that afflicts him still, though it happened last Monday. He may not be able to handle with ease the promiscuous nation, but to cull and arrange the flower of New-York in a ballroom is a part he is fitted to shine in by art and by nature. This fitness it is that makes us renew the suggestion of a place and a title to suit a society leader. The place is St.Thomas's Church, and the title of sexton. though humble, has been borne and exalted by Brown to the McAllisterian function. A sexton has charge of funerals and weddings as well as of balls and of banquets. As a sexton McAllister’s sphere would be widened as well as exalted, with power of revenge on committees and on Stuyvesant Hamiltonides. _The New York Times, May 4, 1899


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Monday, April 18, 2022

The Only 400 According to McAllister


“It is incomplete and does injustice, you understand, to many eligible millionaires. Think of leaving out such names (from the official 400 list), don’t you know, as … Mr. and Mrs. Luther Kountze… and many others! Don't you understand, it is absurd, senseless.” According to Ward McAllister. Yet he himself did, when Mr. and Mrs. Luther Kountze were left off of his own list. 
Public domain image of Gilded age banker, Luther Kountze

THE ONLY FOUR HUNDRED

Ward Mc Allister Gives Out the Official List
 Here are the Names, Don’t You Know, on the Authority of Their Great Leader, You Understand, and Therefore Genuine, You See.
“The so-called Four Hundred has not been cut down or dwindled to 150 names,” said Ward McAllister yesterday. “The nonsense, don't you know, printed to that effect in the World and some other papers, has made a very had impression that will reflect badly against them, you understand. That list of names, you understand, printed on Sunday, did not come from me, don't you see. It is unauthorized, don't you know. But it is accurate as far as it goes, you understand.

“It is incomplete and does injustice, you understand, to many eligible millionaires. Think of leaving out such names, don't you know, as Chauncey M. Depew, Gen. Alexander S. Webb, Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cooper, Mr. and Mrs. Luther Kountze, Mr. and Mrs. Robert Goelet, Mrs. and Miss Wilson, Miss Greene, and many others! Don't you understand, it is absurd, senseless.

“Let me explain, don't you know. There are three dinner dances, don't you know, during the season, and the invitations, don't you see, are issued to different ladies and gentle men each time, do you understand? So at each dinner dance, you know, are only 150 people of the highest set, don't you know. So. during the season, you see, 400 different invitations are issued.

“Wait a moment and I will give you a correct list, don't you know, of the people who form what is known as the Four Hundred. Do you understand it will be authorized, reliable, and, don't you know, the only correct list.” The society leader then gave the following list of names, which, he declared, constitutes the beau monde of New York to-day:

    1. Mr. and Mrs. F. R. Appleton
    2. Fred H. Allen
    3. Mr. and Mrs. Ástor
    4. Mr. and Mrs. J. J. Astor 
    5. Mr. and Mrs. George H. Bend
    6. Miss Amy Bend
    7. Miss Beatrice Bend, 
    8. Mr. and Mrs. Lloyd Bryce
    9. Mrs. Cavendish Bentinok 
    10. Mr. and Mrs. F. Bronson
    11. Heber Bishop
    12. Miss Bishop
    13. William Harold Brown
    14. Mr. and Mrs. Edmund N. Baylies
    15. Mr. Temple Bowdoin 
    16. Mr. and Mrs. J. Townsend Burden
    17. Miss Burden
    18. Mrs. Barbey
    19. Miss Barbey
    20. Harold Brown
    21. Edward Bulkley
    22. Mr. and Mrs. James L. Barclay
    23. C. C. Baldwin
    24. Miss Baldwin 
    25. C. C. Baldwin, Jr.
    26. Gen. and Mrs. Henry L. Burnett
    27. Mr. Thomas Cushing
    28. Miss Edith Cashing
    29. Mr. F. Bayard Cutting
    30. Miss Coster
    31. Mr. Harry Coster
    32. Mr. and Mrs. Charles Carroll
    33. Mr. and Mrs. Clarence Cary 
    34. Mr. and Mrs. Winthrop Chandler
    35. Mrs Brockholst Cutting. 
    36. Mr. and Mrs. Harry Cannon
    37. Robert L. Cutting, Jr. 
    38. Col. J. Schuyler Crosby
    39. Miss Crosby
    40. Mr. and Mrs. W. Bayard Cutting,
    41. Mr. and Mrs. S. V. R. Cruger
    42. Rawlings Cottenet
    43. F. Brockholst Cutting
    44. W. Cutting, Jr.
    45. Sir Roderick Cameron
    46. Duncan Cameron
    47. The Misses Cameron
    48. Mr. and Mrs. James Cross
    49. Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cooper
    50. The Misses Chanler
    51. William P. Coster
    52. Mr. and Mrs. Elisha Dyer, II
    53. Mr and Mrs. Duncan Elliott
    54. Mr. and Mrs George B. De Forest
    55. Mr. and Mrs. Chauncey M. Depew
    56. Mr. and Mrs. Frederic de Peyster
    57. Dr. and Mrs. Francis Delafield
    58. Miss Delafield
    59. Mr. and Mrs. Paul Dana
    60. H. De Courcy Forbes
    61. Mr. and Mrs. Stuyvesant Fish
    62. Mr. and Mrs. C. G. Francklyn
    63. J. C. Furman, 
    64. Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton Fish, Jr.
    65. Theodore Frelinghuysen
    66. Augustus C. Gurnee 
    67. Mr. and Mrs. Ogden Goelet
    68. Mr. Frank G. Griswold
    69. Miss Greene
    70. McAllister Greene
    71. Miss Grant 
    72. Robert F. Hawkers 
    73. Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Howard
    74. Mr. and Mrs. Carly Havemeyer
    75. Meredith Howland
    76. Mr. and Mrs. Valentine
    77. G. Hall
    78. Miss Hall
    79. Joha A. Hadden, Jr. 
    80. Mr. and Mrs. Columbus Iselin
    81. Isaac Iselin
    82. Mrs. William Jaffray
    83. Miss Jaffray
    84. Mrs. F. R. Jones
    85. Miss Beatrix Jones
    86. Shipley Jones
    87. Mr. and Mrs. De Lancey Kane
    88. Nicholson Kane
    89. Miss Knowlton
    90. Miss Sybel Kane
    91. Mr. and Mrs. J. P. Kernochan
    92. Col and Mrs. Kip
    93. Miss Kipp
    94. Mr. and Mrs. Frederick Kernochan
    95. Clement March
    96. Mr. and Mrs. O. Mills
    97. Mr. and Mrs. B. Martin
    98. F. T. Martin 
    99. Peter Mario
    100. Mr. and Mrs. H. W. McVickar
    101. Mr. and Mrs. A.N. Morris
    102. Miss Morris
    103. Mr. and Mrs. R. Mortimer
    104. Miss Morgan
    105. Mr. and Mrs. T. Newbold
    106. Mrs. Frederick Nelson
    107. S. H. Olin
    108. Mr. and Mrs. O. Oelrichs
    109. James Otis
    110. Miss Otis
    111. Edward Post
    112. Richard Peters 
    113. Mr. and Mrs. B. C. Porter
    114. Mr. and Mrs. Frank Pendleton
    115. Julian Potter
    116. L.V. Packer
    117. Mr. and Mrs. H.N. Potter
    118. Gen. and Mrs. Pierson
    119. Miss Pierson
    120. Mr. and Mrs. George B. Post
    121. Mrs. William H. Perry
    122. Miss Perry 
    123. Gould H. Redmond
    124. Mrs. Rogers
    125. Miss Rogers
    126. J. Ritchie
    127. T. J. Oakley Rhinelander
    128. Miss Cora Randolph
    129. Mrs. Burke Roche
    130. Mr. and Mrs. S. O. Ripley
    131. D. T. L. Robinson
    132. R. K. Richards
    133. Mr. and Mrs. Douglas Robinson 
    134. Jr. Mr. and Mrs. H. Robins
    135. Miss Sands
    136. Mr. and Mrs. Willlam D.Sloane
    137. Mr. and Mrs. Philip Schuyler
    138. Mr. and Mrs. Byam K. Stevens
    139. Lispenard Stewart 
    140. Mr. and Mrs. W. W. Sherman
    141. Miss Adele Sloane
    142. Mr. and Mrs. Anson Phelps Stokes
    143. Miss Stokes,
    144. Mr. and Mrs. Walter L. Suydam
    145. Mr. and Mrs. F. K. Sturgis
    146. Miss Elizabeth Stevens
    147. G. Mead Tooker
    148. Miss Tooker 
    149. E. N. Tailer
    150. Mr. and Mrs. H. McKay Twombly
    151. Miss Taller
    152. Marquise de Talleyrand
    153. Miss Mable Van Rensselaer
    154. Miss Alice Van Rensselaer
    155. Mr. and Mrs. Cornelius Vanderbilt 
    156. George W. Vanderbilt
    157. Mrs. A. Van Rensselaer
    158. James Varnum
    159. Mr. Worthinglon Whitehouse
    160. Mr. and Mrs. W. Seward Webb
    161. Barton Willing 
    162. Miss Willing
    163. Gov. and Mrs.Wetmore
    164. Miss Wetmore
    165. Egerton Winthrop
    166. Thomas C. Winthrop
    167. F. B. Winthrop
    168. Mr. and Mrs. Buchanan Winthrop.
    169. Miss Winthrop
    170. Mr. and Mrs. Ben. Wells
    171. Mr. and Mrs. W. C. Whitney
    172. Miss Georgiana L. Wilinerding
    173. Mrs. C. A. Whittier
    174. Mr. and Mrs. Wysong
    175. M.A. Wilkes
    176. Mr. and Mrs. W. Storrs Wells 
    177. Gen. and Mrs. Alexander S. Webb
    178. Miss Carrie Webb
    179. Alexander S. Webb
    180. Miss Luck
    181. Arthur Leary
    182. Mrs. Maturin Livingston
    183. Mr. and Mrs. James Lanier
    184. Mr. and Mrs. Henry B. Livingston
    185. Edward Livingston
    186. Miss Clarissa Livingston
    187. Edward De Peyster Livingston
    188. Mr. and Mrs. Clement C. Moore
    189. Ward McAllister
    190. Mr. and Mrs. Charles N. Marshall

    “Now,” concluded Mr. McAllister, “that is all, don’t you know. Good morning.” — The New York Times, February 16,1892


    Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

    Saturday, June 19, 2021

    A Literary Gilded Age Fad


    Each guest was asked to indicate about her toilet in some way, the title of one of the bard’s plays. One woman wore on her corsage, two small pictures, each of a man, and beneath a bit of ribbon with a large a surmounted with the letters “V.E.R.” to be translated “Two Gentleman of Verona.”


    A Shakespeare Luncheon is something of a novelty. At one recently, on the menu cards each dish was appropriately garnished with a quotation from the “immortal William,” and the favors were pretty sketches, executed by the young hostess, of various well-known views about Stratford-on-Avon.

    In addition, each guest was asked to indicate about her toilet in some way, the title of one of the bard’s plays. One woman wore on her corsage, two small pictures, each of a man, and beneath a bit of ribbon with a large a surmounted with the letters “V.E.R.” to be translated “Two Gentleman of Verona.” Another, quickly guessed, had a full page periodical illustration of a tempest neatly fitted as a girdle across the front of her waist and belt. 

    A third guest created much merriment with a little pen and ink sketch, which was attached to a chatelaine. It represented a dog and cat enjoying a meal of bones with great satisfaction. Beneath pussy was the legend “This is Julia,” which was all the clue the wearer would give. A clever girl finally shouted, “Romeo and Julia eat” and the mystery was solved.- NYTimes, 1892


    Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

    Saturday, June 5, 2021

    Miss Leary’s Gilded Age Dinner

     The Party Details

    "It was like a vision of fairyland when the guests left the dinner table and stepped on to the piazza and then to the garden.  The trees were ablaze with illuminations of every description, the walks being outlined with lamps of various colors.  Two large tents were erected at each side of the lawn, one for the men to smoke in the other where coffee was served to the ladies.  Japanese umbrellas were distributed about the lawn, which was completely covered with Turkish rugs."  

    That is the opening of the story (shown below) which ran in the New York Times, September 4, 1900.  Miss Leary evidently had a desire to create a festive and global theme for the evening.  According to the Times, Miss Leary's party in Newport, was "one of the largest of the season" and it was held at her "cottage," which I imagine was a fairly good size. 

     The guest list was full of debutantes of the day, and the Newport elite.  The dinner was held in the honor of  "Miss Van Alen, and her sister Miss Sarah Van Alen, the daughters of James J. Van Alen."  The name "Van Alen" sounded familiar, so on a lark I decided to look  the Van Alens up.  That is when this simple article about a dinner party in 1900 changed into something completely different.

    James J. Van Alen
    Sportsman and politician James J. Van Alen commissioned
    Charles Eamer Kempe and Dudley Newton to design and build “Wakehurst.”

    The Van Alens were not your run of the mill family.  


    He was appointed Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary to Italy on October 20, 1893, but declined the appointment


    Van Alen was a widower, and according to many accounts, spent much of his time after the death of his wife in a depression.  From other accounts of his travel and social life, he seemed to be quite the ladies man and very outgoing.






     Here is what I found on Van Alen under Virginia University website's "Class & Leisure" Section on him. 

    James J. Van Alen (1846-1923) was a sportsman, politician, and member of an old-monied New York railroad family. Van Alen solidified his status as a member of upper-class society by marrying Emily Astor, daughter of society matron Caroline Schermerhorn Astor and William Backhouse Astor Jr.
      
    Like many upper-class Americans, Van Alen was fond of English culture and architecture. In 1882, he hired English architect Charles Eamer Kempe to design Wakehurst (1884-1887), a stone Tudor mansion modeled after Wakehurst Place, an English country estate in Sussex, England. The mansion stood at Ochre Point in Newport, Rhode Island.
      
    Newport architect Dudley Newton oversaw construction of Wakehurst. Rooms were designed and constructed in England, then imported to Newport. The rooms featured English tapestries, antiques, and accessories. Landscape architect Ernest Bowditch, a student of Frederick Law Olmsted, designed the grounds.
      
    Van Alen was known as a charming host who enjoyed speaking in Tudor English. An avid yachtsman, Van Alen joined fellow Newporters Edith Wharton and her husband Edward R. (Teddy) Wharton on a four-month Mediterranean cruise aboard The Vanadis in 1888.
      
    Wakehurst is now part of the campus of Salve Regina University. 

    The website breaks down the class structure of the era


       
    Contributor, and Site Editor, Maura Graber has been teaching etiquette to children, teens and adults, and training new etiquette instructors, since 1990, as founder and director of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette. She is also a writer, has been featured in countless newspapers, magazines and television shows and was an on-air contributor to PBS in Southern California for 15 years. Her next book, “What Have We here?” will be available, July 15, 2021


    Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

    Tuesday, May 11, 2021

    Chanoyu Etiquette – Japanese Tea

    They were all society people, but they found that Japanese etiquette differed very materially from their own social functions. They studied the slips of paper given them until they knew that the bits of cake given them were to be eaten first, and the bowl of tea to be taken in the right hand and placed on the left palm and so held, no matter how warm the tea, until the first guest had sipped his tea in three gulps and a half when the rest of the company were at liberty to drink the steaming beverage, each bowl being drained in succession. The guests, meanwhile, watching each other with great interest to know what would be expected of them when their turn came. 



    San Francisco, California – Do you know what a “chanoyu” is? Well, it is simply a Japanese ceremonial tea. The dainty little Geisha, Mme. Yucca and some members of the company, which, by-the-way, is the only real Japanese troupe ever in this country, who performed recently at the California theater, gave a chanoyu in the Maple room of the Palace Hotel that was a decidedly novel and interesting affair. The decorations were in keeping with the event, all Japanese, of course, with Japanese lanterns and richly embroidered screens which formed a back-ground to the tea-drinking room. The affair was invitational, and to each guest was presented little slips of paper describing etiquette of a Japanese ceremonial tea. 

    They were all society people, but they found that Japanese etiquette differed very materially from their own social functions. They studied the slips of paper given them until they knew that the bits of cake given them were to be eaten first, and the bowl of tea to be taken in the right hand and placed on the left palm and so held, no matter how warm the tea, until the first guest had sipped his tea in three gulps and a half when the rest of the company were at liberty to drink the steaming beverage, each bowl being drained in succession. The guests, meanwhile, watching each other with great interest to know what would be expected of them when their turn came. 

    Mme. Yucca brewed the tea with her own tiny hands on a raised dais, using a special blend, costing a fabulous sum per pound, and a tiny maid, Miss Otsuru by name, passed the refreshments, making a graceful and profound bow to each guest. One of the features of the evening was a geisha dance by Mme. Butterfly, 300 years old, the dance, not the dancer, bearing the ancient record. It was full of life and grace, combining all of the best movements of the Delsarte system. – Polly Larkin, 1899


    Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

    Saturday, May 1, 2021

    Editorial Etiquette: Judging Astors and Dingbats

    Caroline Webster “Lina” Schermerhorn Astor was a prominent American socialite of the second half of the 19th century who led the Gilded Age 400. Famous for being referred to later in life as “The Mrs. Astor” or just “Mrs. Astor,” she was the wife of businessman, horse breeder and yachtsman William Backhouse Astor Jr.. She was the mother of five children, including Colonel John Jacob Astor IV, who perished on the Titanic.– Portrait of Mrs. William Astor
    –Public domain image


    I heard a distinguished judge in an uptown club burst into a torrent of abuse because the papers devoted two or three columns to what he called the interminable nonsense about who Mrs. Astor might be. “Nobody cares a rap,” said the judge, throwing the paper across the room, “whether old Bill Astor's wife is called Mrs. Astor, Mrs. William Astor or Mrs. Dingbats. As for her niece, her name is Mrs. William Waldorf Astor, and everybody who knows her calls her Mamie. It's the most transparent nonsense for the papers to devote such valuable space to a family squabble.” Yet a moment's thought would have convinced the judge that the papers were on the right track. 

    The question of which of the Mrs. Astors has the right to the distinctive title of the family was of more interest to thousands and thousands of feminine readers than Mr. Blame's letter to Mr. Frye or any Supreme Court decision that has ever been rendered. The subjects which claim the attention of women have a mortgage on publicity today. Women are everywhere. They are cashiers, typewriters, stenographers, clerks, canvassers, doctors, dentists, editors, lecturers, lawyers, deacons and railway presidents, and their influence is patent in every walk of life. Annie Goodwin was a working girl. This is one reason for the great uproar which has been aroused by her fate. —Philadelphia Times, 1890


    Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

    Tuesday, February 23, 2021

    “Society As I Have Found It”- A Review

    It is not that his book is given up to trivialities, but that his solemn way of dealing with them creates the impression that he imagines himself occupied in a kind of philosophical research. Darwin, in his evolution of his evolution theory, was not more impressed with the magnitude of his theme than Ward McAllister in establishing a rule of etiquette.





    Oh! That Mine Enemy, Etc...

    The enemies of Mr. Ward McAllister are indebted to that gentleman for a means of retaliation. Mr. McAllister’s book on “Society As I Have Found It” exposes him to merciless criticism. As a conductor of entertainments he was above reproach. He had studied one thing until he knew it well. No man in either hemisphere is more competent authority on such important matters as the month in the year in which salmon may be served at a swell dinner or the kind of sauce which may be served with it, he has given many, years’ study to intricate problems of this nature, and if he has not solved them satisfactorily, the man does not live who can prove that he has not. But a clever man with Mr. McAllister’s knowledge of society, in both Europe and America, ought to write an entertaining book. That is precisely what Mr. McAllister has failed to do. 

    It is not that his book is given up to trivialities, but that his solemn way of dealing with them creates the impression that he imagines himself occupied in a kind of philosophical research. Darwin, in his evolution of his evolution theory, was not more impressed with the magnitude of his theme than Ward McAllister in establishing a rule of etiquette. In most pursuits, earnestness is an element of success. A writer impresses a public in proportion, as he is able to convince them that he believes his own theories and regards them as important. But with society as a theme, a man may be wise or witty, satirical or indulgent, a scoffer or a worshiper, but he must be bright. McAllister’s book is both trivial and dull. — San Francisco Call, 1890



    Etiquette. Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia


    Saturday, February 6, 2021

    McAllister... Supreme on Social Matters

    The son of Ward McAllister, the self-appointed “social arbiter of the Gilded Age,” was reportedly permanently removed without pay from his job as a District Court Judge for Alaska, due to “drunkenness, indolence and incompetency.”
     ————— 
    When asked about the court’s decision, McAllister said that in social matters, he recognized no authority except his own, but in matters legal, he took off his hat to the authority of the Supreme Court of the United States.

    — Photo source, Pinterest


    The “McAllister Decision”


    New York, May 20.— Ward McAllister was interviewed by the World To-day on the Supreme Court decision that his son (the ex-Alaska Judge) was not entitled to a salary after his removal. McAllister says that in social matters, he recognizes no authority except his own, but in matters legal, he takes off his hat to the authority of the Supreme Court of the United States. Just like any other good citizen, he had nothing to say as to the propriety, etiquette and good taste of such decision. — San Francisco Call, 1891



    Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

    Sunday, January 31, 2021

    One Definition of Etiquette Enthusiasts

    Caricature of Amercian lawyer and socialite Ward McAllister as “Snobbish Society's Schoolmaster.” Library of Congress description: “Caricature of Ward McAllister (1855-1908) as ‘an ass’ telling Uncle Sam he must imitate ‘an English Snob of the 19th Century’ or ‘you will nevah be a gentleman’; Uncle Sam is shown laughing heartily.” 
    —Public domain image


    Etiquette enthusiasts are usually super-sensitive people. “Good form,” in their eyes, is of paramount importance. Ward McAllister is one of these. The extremes of etiquette enthusiasm and of superficiality, usually go hand in hand. Frequently, the less a man knows the more enthusiastic is he over the punctilious observance of what is vulgarly known as “good form.’’ 

    Active, intelligent men are too busy with the serious affairs of life to devote much thought to the etiquette of enthusiasts. Official life demands much etiquette and its observance is then as commendable as is a good dinner, such as is served at the Hotel Florence, to a hungry guest. — From “Local Intelligence,” the San Diego Bee, 1896

    While we Etiquette Enthusiasts at Etiquipedia agree we can at times be super-sensitive, we disagree with the rest of this 19th century take on “Etiquette Enthusiasts.” We think this describes more accurately some working in the field of etiquette who assume the title of “expert,” without having actually attained any expertise.


    Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia


    Thursday, January 14, 2021

    The Fashionable 400’s Fortune Tellers

    “She has taught all fashionable New York that to dream you see a poet is a sign you will lose money. It is supposed that this will widen the gap between Bohemia and McAllisterville. A girl who was going abroad for the London season, dreamed a Duke was in love with her and very much cast down on learning; that she would be apt to marry a needy and shiftless fellow.” — “Thanks to the meteoric increase in millionaires in New York due to the Civil War and the Industrial Revolution, many of whose fortunes rivaled or even surpassed the oldest of families, Mrs. Astor and Ward McAllister had a whole new challenge in deciding who of the nouveau riche was acceptable. This led to the creation of the famous List of 400 — the Four Hundred people who were New York’s high society.” —from MCNY.org
    — Photo of old postcard from the Etiquipedia photo library



    Fortunes in Tea Cups
    A “Fortune Teller to the 400”


    It wouldn’t be a bad sign, and really there is a woman who might also lay claim to the distinction, for in the revolutions of fads and fashions in their orbits, that which is oldest comes round again.  Of course, not a one of them would own to being superstitious but to put on one's “swagger” spring suit and pay a swagger price for a visit to a dark-eyed woman with a red turban marked with Egyptian characters about her head lends a wild flavor of interest to an afternoon. The woman is clever, for she really keeps an owl. It's a great mistake for a sorceress to grudge little additions like that to her paraphernalia. She wears broad heavy bracelets on her wrists and wraps something red about her shoulders. Otherwise her environment is prosaic, and, she being for a moment in luck, quite un-mysteriously and inartistically comfortable. 

    She has taught all fashionable New York that to dream you see a poet is a sign you will lose money. It is supposed that this will widen the gap between Bohemia and Mc Allisterville. A girl who was going abroad for the London season, dreamed a Duke was in love with her and very much cast down on learning; that she would be apt to marry a needy and shiftless fellow. We all dread nowadays to dream of stockings, unless the are cotton ones, or of broken parasols. The dream we long for is of pots of jelly, or long life and good fortune, or of picking violets, for happiness in love.— San Francisco Call, 1890



    Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia © Etiquette Encyclopedia

    Tuesday, December 22, 2020

    Gilded Age Dining Room “Pigs”

    “There is a poser for ‘society’: If a man with a mustache cannot drink soup sensibly and decently, he should be sent to the trough in the back yard to keep company with the man who tucks a napkin in his collar. It is all right for a woman to drink soup from the side of her spoon, or for a man with a shaven upper lip; but men with mustaches have some rights that ‘society’ is bound for its own sense of decency to respect, especially as ‘society’ decrees that every man should wear a mustache!”


    A Woman’s 1886 Take on “Pigs” 

    The Various Society Pigs — The Pig with a Chin Bib, the Pig Who Sucks Soup from His Mustache and the Fork Used as a Comb


    There is one practice that is becoming altogether too common with men and one that ought to be abandoned as soon as possible. It is their habit of tucking a napkin under their chins at table. In my younger days, such a thing would have been considered coarse and vulgar and no gentleman would have thought of doing it. A napkin so used, takes the place of a bib, but is not nearly so neat or effectual as a bib. Yet what gentleman is there who would be willing to acknowledge himself so much of a baby, or a pet pig, as to require a bib? If the napkin is so worn to keep the food from falling on the clothes, it is an acknowledgment that the wearer is entirely out of place in a public dining-room or in the company of ladies and gentlemen. If he is such a hog as to let food slip out of his mouth and trickle down his breast, he should be made to feed out of a trough in the backyard.


    Not long ago I sat opposite an evidently refined young lady at a public table, and near both of us sat a man with a napkin tucked under his chin. When I am eating I avoid looking at such men, as they are more than apt to be piggish and disgusting while they feed. I noticed that the young lady sitting opposite me glanced at the man with the napkin under his chin, and then turned pale and lay down her knife and fork. In another moment she had left the table, and the poor waiter thought she was offended at his service. But she was not. She had caught the bibbed lout doing a very disgusting thing and it made her sick. I looked to see what it was. He was combing his mustache with his fork!


    And then, we all know the man who with a loud hissing sound, sucks the soup from his mustache. Everybody in the dining room hears it, and many appetites are spoiled. Now, “society” tells us that it is vulgar to take soup from the point of the spoon, and insists that it must be taken from the side. Allow me to say that in this particular society is a fool. A man with a mustache cannot take soup from the side of a spoon without soaking his mustache, and then he drips, slobbers and sucks. It is fair to ask, “Which is better— drinking from the point of the spoon and keeping the mustache clean, or drinking from the side and producing a soaked, dripping spectacle that turns the stomach of an ordinary beholder upside down? 


    There is a poser for “society”: If a man with a mustache cannot drink soup sensibly and decently, he should be sent to the trough in the back yard to keep company with the man who tucks a napkin in his collar. It is all right for a woman to drink soup from the side of her spoon, or for a man with a shaven upper lip; but men with mustaches have some rights that “society” is bound for its own sense of decency to respect, especially as “society” decrees that every man should wear a mustache. — “Jeannette“ in the San Jose Herald, 1886

    Even though gilded age society decried the practice of wearing one’s napkin as an adult bib, there were plenty of patented “napkin holders“ and “napkin supporters” out on the market for men and women alike. Some were quite imaginative, but they were still placing napkins upon the breasts of diners, which remained quite the public faux pas.







    Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

    Sunday, December 20, 2020

    A Noiseless Spoon for Soup

    “The ‘muffler’ which has been applied to the spoon is simply a ‘lid’ that covers one half the surface of the bowl, a slit being provided at the edge through which the liquid enters the mouth of the user...” — So it was basically a “mustache spoon” with a different name? Yes!


    A spoon that permits the most careless person to eat soup without noise has been invented by a St.Louis man. The inventor claims that a person using this spoon cannot make a noise, even if he feels inclined to do so. The “muffler” which has been applied to the spoon is simply a “lid” that covers one half the surface of the bowl, a slit being provided at the edge through which the liquid enters the mouth of the user. 

    The device is somewhat like the old fashioned “mustache cups.” In the results obtained, and is recommended to men with heavy mustaches for use with all manner of liquids taken with a spoon. A spoon with a wider silt or aperture is to be made for use with soups other than the “clear’’ or “strained” varieties.— Los Angeles Herald, 1901


    Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

    Saturday, December 19, 2020

    A Tale of One Society Belle of 1878

    Bridal costumes and dress of the era. — “She rarely breakfasted away from her apartments, but unless dining out she always came to the 6 o’clock dinner. I well remember the sensation which attended her entrance to the dining room. She was always dressed most richly, but never showily. A handsome horse is best displayed in a simple harness. Being a horsewoman, she followed the motto in her own trappings. As I recall it, I do not remember ever to have seen a finer form than Mrs. Hicks’. She was unusually tall and straight—a beautiful neck and a well poised head. At this time she wore little jewelry—occasionally a necklace of diamonds and emeralds, and occasionally solitaire earrings as big as her thumb nail. Her dresses were singularly plain, but the fitting of them was a work of art. She was very graceful and self-possessed; her manners were not haughty in the least, but they possessed that quiet reserve and self consciousness that kept all at a distance.” 



    Mrs. Hicks is remembered in Washington

    The marriage of Mrs. Hicks in New York a few days ago is generally spoken of here, where she was well known, as very eccentric, to say the least. It recalls to the minds of those who were living at the Arlington Hotel, in this city, in the winter of 1872, the star boarder of that fashionable house. Mrs. Hicks came to Washington in regal style. She had the best rooms in the hotel. She was accompanied by Mrs. Hills, an old lady of white hair and aristocratic bearing, who was unable, as was noticed, to be out much at night. She came in the capacity of friend and companion to Mrs. Hicks. She had her separate suite of rooms, as well as Mrs. Hicks. They each had their private servant, and Mrs. Hicks had a maid besides and her coachman and footman. Her rooms were the same which Secretary and Mrs. Hamilton Fish occupied one winter, and the same which King Kalakaua and suite were assigned during his stay in Washington. These consisted of sleeping chambers, bath rooms, breakfast rooms, two parlors, and servants’ quarters. For these Mrs. Hicks paid $50 a day. 

    She rarely breakfasted away from her apartments, but unless dining out she always came to the 6 o’clock dinner. I well remember the sensation which attended her entrance to the dining room. She was always dressed most richly, but never showily. A handsome horse is best displayed in a simple harness. Being a horsewoman, she followed the motto in her own trappings. As I recall it, I do not remember ever to have seen a finer form than Mrs. Hicks’. She was unusually tall and straight—a beautiful neck and a well poised head. At this time she wore little jewelry—occasionally a necklace of diamonds and emeralds, and occasionally solitaire earrings as big as her thumb nail. Her dresses were singularly plain, but the fitting of them was a work of art. She was very graceful and self-possessed; her manners were not haughty in the least, but they possessed that quiet reserve and self consciousness that kept all at a distance. Side by side with her walked her chaperone, Mrs. Hills, both in immaculate white kids—a new pair (as a friend of hers told me) every day. 

    Before the ladies strutted their major domo, who never left their side at the table. Other waiters might bring Mrs. Hicks her food, but only their own servant might place it before her. Her dinner over, the whitest of hands were dipped in the finger-bowl, dried on the softest of napkins and drawn again into the whitest of kids, and, Mrs. Hicks and her companion marched out of the dining room, preceded by her servant and followed by the eyes of the common mortals. She had little company, but it was of the best. None of the common herd ever dried their fleece at her fire. She went out a good deal in her own carriages—driving a big team of banged steppers to a fine coupe and Victoria. She also find her saddle horse, and when she trotted along the avenue or through the park, followed by her groom in mulberry coat, cocked hat, striped waistcoat, and knee breeches, she was the personification of grace and beauty. 

    She was, if I remember rightly, on intimate terms at the house of George Bancroft, the historian, and with the families of several of the foreign Ministers. Gen. Banks was frequently in her company, and also Gen. Butler. There was, I believe, a report current at one time that she and Gen. Butler were to be married. This is not extraordinary, as her name has been connected with a good many desirable widowers, including Gen. Schenck and the brother of the Duke of Richmond. Her departure from Washington  regretted by her landlord, at least.—Philadelphia Times, 1878


    Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia