Mid 20th C. American Etiquette Advice

All persons who receive wedding invitations know that it requires a gift ... whether it is brought to the reception or mailed to the bride.

☆American Manners of 1947

1. -SHOULD WE EXPECT guests to bring gifts to our wedding reception?-L. C., Los Angeles.

If a person receives a wedding invitation it requires a gift. If he receives an invitation to the reception alone, it requires a gift. All persons who receive wedding invitations know that it requires a gift ... whether it is brought to the reception or mailed to the bride.

2. -WHAT IS CONSIDERED the proper amount to tip if eating in deluxe restaurants?-E. E., Los Angeles.

*The smallest tip you can give is 35 cents if you lunch alone for a bill of two dollars or less; 45 cents for a bill of about three dollars; 50 cents on a total of four dollars and 10 per cent above this. For two persons: add about 15 cents to each of the above sums.

3. -HOW DOES ONE recall an invitation?-F, A., Glendale.

If for illness or any other valid reason invitations have to be recalled the following forms are correct. They are always printed instead of engraved. “Owing to the sudden illness of their daughter Mr. and Mrs. John Jones are obliged to recall their invitations for Tuesday, the Tenth of June.” When temporarily postponing the event the regret reads “Mr. and Mrs. John Jones regret exceedingly that owing to the illness of Mrs. Jones the dance is temporarily postponed.” – By Nell Drake, 1947

*Tipping has gone up in percentages, just as the price of everything else in the United States has gone higher. Tipping of 18% to 20% is the most common range in a restaurant.

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🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Necessities for the Schoolgirl

Social Amenities Young Girls Need

ONE of the first rules of etiquette that a younger girl has to learn is the acknowledging of invitations, accepting: or declining. An invitation should be answered at once, whether it be formal or informal, and must be answered in the same manner in which it is given. A formal luncheon invitation, “Miss Laura Smith requests the pleasure of Miss Barclay’s company at luncheon Friday, March 4, at one o’clock,” requires answering in the same formal fashion: “Miss Barclay accepts with pleasure (or regrets extremely that she is unable to accept) Miss Laura Smith's kind invitation for luncheon Friday, March 4, at one o'clock.”

If the invitation is for dinner it is worded precisely the same, with “dinner” substituted for luncheon and the different hour.
“My Dear Miss Barclay:—Will you give me the pleasure of your company at luncheon, most informally, Friday, March 4? Trusting that you have no engagement for that date and that I may surely see you, believe me, sincerely, Louisa Jones.” 

The acceptance or regret must be in precisely the same form, for there is no rule more strict than that invitation and answer shall have the same wording. Invitations given by telephone should always be followed by a note of invitation, but it is not necessary to write an answer to an invitation given by telephone. Like almost every rule of etiquette, there is a good reason for the written invitation following the telephone message, that it shall serve as a reminder of the day and hour. 

The prompt acknowledgment of any and every invitation is considered a mark of good breeding, and a young girl should never, be permitted to neglect her invitations. This winter many hostesses who gave dances, were so annoyed at the neglect to answer their invitations, that notes were sent asking the reason for the delay, and the girls who had not answered were severely criticised as not having understood one of the first rules of society.

The importance of a note of acknowledgment not only of an invitation but of courtesy received can not be overestimated, and the few graceful words of thanks for the pleasant evening pleases the hostess and gains for the young girl the reputation of having been well brought up and also of being appreciative—two most valuable assets. In these days, when attractive stationery can be bought for so little, every girl should take care to select attractive note paper. 

The cost of marking the address is also very trifling, and a dainty note, well written and well expressed, always makes a good impression upon the recipient. Small note paper and the oblong cards should always be kept at hand so there can be no excuse for not answering an invitation promptly or in acknowledging acts of courtesy or kindness, and just such trifling acts as these do more to make or mar a girl's popularity than she realizes.

Young girls should not send invitations in their own names to any entertainments formal enough to demand a written invitation. The invitation must be in the name of the girl’s mother, excepting in the case of a girl’s luncheon. This may seem somewhat arbitrary, but, like all accepted rules of etiquette, is eminently practical. The entertainment is provided by the mother; it is her house, and it is she who will receive the guests. Furthermore, for a young girl to send an invitation to a young man savors of independence and a lack of knowledge of what is considered good form.

The remark that such a girl is too “old fashioned” and “too particular” is never heard in that set of persons which has for generations been prominent socially and where rules and regulations, unwritten but understood, have and do prevail and where etiquette has been proved essential to a well ordered existence. – San Francisco Call, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

19th C. Escritoire Etiquette

“Dinner cards and menus seem to have attained the height of artistic perfection.”– A 19th Century menu card –“There are fashions in stationary, as in everything else these days, and the fashions change with the popularity of clock work. That the changes are religiously observed by the swagger woman, goes without saying.” – A “swagger woman” was one who carried herself in an arrogant, haughty, or self-important manner.

Newest Fads in My Lady's Stationery – Including the Most Popular Tints!

✍🏻✍🏻✍🏻✍🏻✍🏻✍🏻✍🏻✍🏻✍🏻✍🏻✍🏻✍🏻

If All the Modes Are Strictly Followed, it Takes a Pretty Penny to Pay the Stationer’s Bill 

NEW YORK —There are fashions in stationary, as in everything else these days, and the fashions change with the popularity of clock work. That the changes are religiously observed by the swagger woman, goes without saying. Cream, white heavy linen paper, fitted in square envelopes, octavo size is “de rigeur” for all formal correspondence; however, many tints of paper are also chosen. Robins’ egg blue and silver gray are very popular, while lavender, cafe au lait and pinks have their votaries. A smaller size than the octavo, in similar color and quality, serves for note paper. 

All formal invitations for weddings and receptions, dinner and menu cards, should be engraved upon fine white paper of exquisite satiny texture. The ornamentation, marking and decoration of the stationery serves several very distinct set forms. The address, simply engraved across the top of the sheet, the monogram in the centre, not the top, or the crest or coat of arms above, or in combination with the address, being set above it with the facsimile used occasionally, describes the prevailing modes used in marking paper. The variety, style and coloring of these different dies, form a luncrative branch of the stationer’s art and at once attests the skill and refinement which he should put into his work. Silver and gold, light green, dark olive and bronze carry the day in markings, however.

The etiquette and provision of stationery is generally turned over for attention to the ladies of the household, while the masculine mind is absorbed in matters of graver import. Dinner cards and menus seem to have attained the height of artistic perfection. For ladies of flowery taste there are cupids, bits of pink and white dimpled loveliness, poised above the card amidst fruits and flowers. The name is written below in silver or gilt; then there are butterflies, asparkle in gold and flecked in gorgeous color. These bid fair to flutter into the festivities of the winter, for all the modish importations in gowns, millinery confections and bric-a-brac reveal the gayly developed moth. – Los Angeles Herald, 1896

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Invitation Responses

Send a note of congratulation to the bride elect, expressing the hope that she will have every happiness in her married life.

An Etiquette Query...  S. from San Leandro writes, "I just received an invitation to a church wedding out of town, but am not able to attend. Is it proper to write a note of regret, and should it be sent right after, or should I wait until a few days before the wedding? Should I send a letter of congratulation to the bride in addition to sending a present?"


By all means, send a note of regret at inability to be present at the wedding. Also send a note of congratulation to the bride elect, expressing the hope that she will have every happiness in her married life. A wedding present should be sent as soon as possible after notice of the wedding. – San Francisco Call, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Invitations by Phone

Inexperienced hostesses are often perplexed as to the etiquette in the matter of issuing invitations.

Invitations by Telephone:

The Smarter the Dinner, the Shorter

the Notice Given, Is the Rule Now

Special Cable to The Herald

LONDON, June 2.— Inexperienced hostesses are often perplexed as to the etiquette in the matter of issuing invitations for dinners and balls, especially as there is an idea about that the strict rules formerly in vogue as to the length of time necessary have a dinner relaxed. But the fact is that the point entirely depends on the nature of the invitation and a little also on the social position of the one extending it.

The very smartest dances of all are the most informal as to the invitation, for their object is more to diminish the number of guests asked. Therefore, the whole thing is kept as quiet as possible beforehand.

These ultra-smart invitations are often written only on a visiting card, and are constantly given verbally or by telephone.

Political parties, of course, are always planned out long ahead and so are large formal dinners. But the general rule is the smarter the dinner, the shorter the notice given among persons of the very highest standing, unless the function is a purely formal one. —Los Angeles Herald, 1906

Etiquette Enthusiast Maura J Graber is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia