Prepping a Down Syndrome Child for Prom

Brandon in the special suit he picked out. He was so excited, he was moving too quickly for me to get a perfect shot. But just look at that smile! He was a very happy young man.

The Ins and Outs of Preparing Your Down Syndrome Child for a Dance, Prom or Social…

and All of the Etiquette it Entails

As an Etiquette Coach and a mother of a Down Syndrome son, if a special event came on to the schedule, I would ask Brandon if he would like to go, whether it be a dance, social or prom. He would always be a resounding, ”Yes!” He loved dancing, music, food, and friends. Many people with Down Syndrome are very social! Going to a party with dressing up and fun involved was something Brandon was very interested in doing.

Little did he know, little did I calculate, what all of this would entail! When he was about four years of age, we started table etiquette and it was quite messy, but funny, challenging, and I was (honestly!) at my wits end a lot of the time. We always practiced table etiquette at home so he was comfortable using proper knife, fork, and napkin, etc...

For this particular Social, students had to learn a box step dance (a dance teacher was there!), wear a suit, a tie, and even introduce themselves. This meant to practice his listening skills, practicing shaking hands at the appropriate times, and asking a girl to dance.

We practiced role playing with a therapist, neighbors, at the grocery store, with friends, and anyone else who was willing. He could remember his name, favorite team, color, etc… He really had to practice asking for a dance, however. Brandon was a very visual learner, so I found books and videos to watch with him. We practiced until he got familiar and comfortable with the idea. 

Learning the box step with a twirl was a little difficult for Brandon. Dance practice lessons were helpful, but. we always reinforced his learning at home. A lot of times he wanted to do it differently from the instructor. That’s okay, though. We have to improvise little things like that sometimes! He got the twirling part down nicely… He loved to do that, even though I was a lot taller than he was at the time. I was a little dizzy but he was happy (always a bonus!) and I was impressed that he remembered most of the dance moves.

Shopping for his suit was enjoyable. My son really had a sense of quality and style. He knew what he wanted, and signaled to employees that he wanted help. Much to my surprise there were about three employees helping him with this new experience, from selecting his tie, handkerchief and other necessary items. The appointment with the tailor made it an even more special experience for when he picked out the suit he wanted to wear.

They both seemed to have a memorable dance. They conquered an important social rite of passage for teens.

Finally the big night arrived. He looked so handsome. I was so proud of him! He was beaming from ear to ear as he was proud of himself, as well. When the time came, Brandon asked a girl to dance. She agreed, though she was a little shy too! Watching them with their giggles, laughs, pointing, and then sharing enough words between them, they both seemed to have a memorable dance. They conquered an important social rite of passage for teens.

If I learned anything from this wonderful experience, it’s that you should never say “No” to trying out new things. You know your child’s interest, and even if they want to do something new… Go for it! You will probably be pleasantly surprised. It’s how we all grow.

If an important event is going to occur, plan what is to be implemented, and any assistance or help that may be needed. Other’s are often happy to participate and help smooth out any issues you may encounter. 

Practice what is to be expected at the event. The Down Syndrome population is observant. They want to learn! It just takes them a little longer. They learn differently. Use music and photos. Show them what they will be doing. Make up a game which involves what they need to learn. As parents, we should participate in their learning process. They want us there to see them learn and then try new things.

It is never too late to acquire new learning ideas, and it is okay to improvise when a tactic which has worked before has become a habit and no longer works well for you. With every attempt at learning and teaching your DS student something new, we add a little more information, or a more precise action for it to be improved. 

We are such a big part of their learning process. Sometimes, admittedly, we all want to give up. It is understandable. Everyone gets frustrated at some point raising children. Parents of DS kids are even more vulnerable to those frustrations. Just remember to take a break now and then. Chat a while, find a diversion, do something fun, then get back to the lesson at hand.

Decide what styles you approve of for your child, then give those choices to him or her. Use photos from movies, magazines or books, etc… and your child can choose according to your family preferences. Most likely, your child probably loves to shop just like everyone else.

When the big event arrives, hopefully you’ve done all you can to prepare your child by that particular time. The reward that we as parents get in return for our hard work, is seeing our child’s joy from accomplishing something that he or she really wanted to do! Grab your camera and give some high-fives. And once you get to the event, relax if you can, because you did this too. Down Syndrome families go the extra mile! – By Carla M. West

Contributor Carla M. West has written a book on Down Syndrome, “It's Me - It's Only Down Syndrome” (in both male and female versions). The book is the etiquette enthusiast (and founder of the Graceful Manners Academy), Carla M. West’s way of paying loving tribute to her wonderful son. He was a boy who was full of joy and curiosity, who loved his husky dog, “Cookie,” and  who just also happened to have Down Syndrome. West wanted people to know that her son was just like any other kid who loved to laugh, play and explore the world around him. Like any other kid, his feelings could get hurt as well. Brandon and his mom wanted every kid to know that kids with Down Syndrome are just like you - they just want to be loved! You can reach Carla at gracefulmannersacademy@ gmail.com or by calling (909)552-1553

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Spotlight on Carla M. West

Meet Etiquette Coach and Etiquipedia Contributor, Carla M. West, founder of the Graceful Manners Academy in Southern California. We are pleased to have the Spotlight on Carla in October!

So far, etiquette enthusiast Carla M. West's articles have been a way of paying loving tribute to her wonderful son. Full of joy and curiosity, he was a young man who loved his husky dog, "Cookie," and who just also happened to have Down Syndrome. Etiquette and Dance Instructor, West, wanted people to know that her son was just like any other kid who loved to laugh, play and explore the world around him. Like any other kid, his feelings could get hurt as well. Brandon and his mom want every kid to know that kids with Down Syndrome are just like you - they just want to be loved! But as an etiquette professional, she will be contributing more articles in the future regarding etiquette for everyone.

Carla loves working with kids of all ages. She is photographed here discussing “etiquette for sunglasses.” Her upcoming article on etiquette for such fashionable, yet helpful and necessary accessories, should be excellent.

Below are links to just a few of Carla M. Wests’ articles on etiquette which you’ll find on Etiquipedia:

• Etiquette and Down Syndrome
• How to Prepare Your Down Syndrome Child to Have Tea in Public
• Etiquette Lessons and Down Syndrome

The following is a Q. & A. with Carla:

What was the impetus for starting your Etiquette business?

Growing up, I enjoyed helping and giving dinner, gatherings for family and friends under the watchful eye of my mother. I developed the passion of correct tableware placement, table conversation and good manners. That passion was indeed the impetus for starting my etiquette business.

What do you enjoy most about teaching etiquette?
I would say the service of afternoon tea is truly a favorite for me! It’s a time for relaxation with a favorite tea, sweet bread a good book… It’s so comforting!

One of Carla’s favorite times of day is afternoon, when she relax with a cup of tea and something to nibble on.

What do you find rewarding about teaching etiquette?
Oh, it is transformation of a student that I find rewarding! A student who is shy, awkward student to become self-confident with social skills. It is so worth it teaching etiquette!

What type of classes do you offer?

• Basic etiquette 
• Prince/ Princess Class
• Self development class
• Afternoon tea with Tea history
• Etiquette training for Down Syndrome students
• Prince/ Princess Summer Day Camp

What age group do you enjoy working with most?
As a previous teacher, and mother of a Down Syndrome child, I enjoy teaching children and adults with Down Syndrome.
They are willing to learn, they just learned differently! I found that throughout the time I earlier taught children worship, dance, flags ballet, and musical instruments, there was missing piece needed for them to be well-rounded in social graces, knowing how to introduce themselves, table manners, proper conversation etc… Graceful manners Academy became part of the finishing touch that the children needed to succeed socially. There is an Etiquette class for Down Syndrome students at Graceful Manners Academy, my son was the first student! I am so inspired by their enthusiasm, willingness to learn! They just learn differently!

Which are some of the older etiquette authors or authorities you enjoy reading?
I enjoy reading the classics. I love Amy Vanderbilt, Emily Post and Judith Martin.

If you’d like to reach Carla, you can call her. Said Carla, “At Graceful Manners Academy, you are given the grace to succeed!
Call for information (909)552-1553”

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

How to Prepare Your Down Syndrome Child to Have Tea in Public

Dressing up can be part of the fun in having an afternoon teatime, but it’s the time well spent with your child that makes the real difference. Most children love to have personal time carved out for them, and they’ll look forward to afternoon tea once they have enjoyed it a first time. It only takes an hour.

How to have tea with your Down Syndrome Child

Teatime can be a wonderful way that we engage and spend time with our special needs child and they’ll learn new skills as well. The following are a few tips I developed and learned and would like to pass on to other parents:

When should we have tea?
Choose a time when it’s convenient and when your are not rushing for both you and the child. Perhaps after school pick up, or during the weekend.

Try to have tea the same time, or day(s). Most children love to have personal time carved out for them, and they’ll look forward to afternoon tea once they have enjoyed it a first time. It only takes an hour.

I usually schedule our teatime approximately three hours before dinner, so everyone is hungry. It’s not really a problem in our household!

What to serve?

The choice is yours, make it simple or whatever children like. Cookies, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, baked goods from the dollar store. A trip to a local Costco can do, or simply bake a batch of muffins. You can also try cheese and crackers, cake, or serve buttered toast, and jam. Use what you have on hand. Make it memorable and looked forward to, whether it’s a daily weekly or monthly tea!

What kind of drinks besides tea?

Since we are fast approaching summertime, enjoy iced tea, lemonade, or even hot tea, cold chocolate drinks, or freshly squeezed juices. Find products according to your child’s taste and diet.

Where to have tea?

Many families use the kitchen table because it’s convenient, some families dedicate the dining table for tea time.My son (who has Down Syndrome) and I use a couple of TV trays put together to create a larger table for us on occasions, or sometimes our teatime has the coziness of using a tablecloth or blanket on the family room floor, especially when he was much younger.

You can also use your family room, your beautiful garden, patio, front porch, a quaint balcony in your apartment, or even use lawn chairs with TV trays outside. What we’re doing is creating a special place to make memories and introduce teatime and new skills with the children we care about.This is one way for Down Syndrome students to be more self assured with themselves and others before trying tea at a public tearoom.

What about the place settings?

Use what you have to get started. Use only what the child uses safely to start.

Plastic or paper plates, cups, or a a favorite mug or cup they like to use. Be creative!

Get the utensils for only the food that you will be eating; a tea spoon and possibly a fork. 

Napkins? How about placemats? Yes, and you can even use superheroes or princess placemats, whatever they like. You know your child. Use only what is safe for them, but feels “special.”

How to begin your special teatime
Adults should prepare a child’s food and drink for the child’s safety.
Show them how to use a spoon and/or fork. Remind them how to use napkins to wipe their or dab their mouths, and then remind them to put them back on their laps.

Enjoy their company
Sometimes there is no conversation. That’s okay! Your child just want closeness with the person they’re having tea with – You! When they want to talk, ask them questions regarding subjects for which they can give answers. For example: A new pet or toy, or how they helped someone. Let them know you’re proud of them for something they did. That they are loved, or you love a particular trait about them, like their beautiful smiles… whatever is in your heart.

Remember, at each teatime is an opportunity build table skills:

• wiping our mouths,
• folding napkin in our laps,
• chewing with closed mouths,
• learning to use utensils,
• how to speak,
• And much more!

“It's Me - It's Only Down Syndrome” (in both male and female versions) is first time author, etiquette enthusiast and founder of the Graceful Manners Academy, Carla M. West’s way of paying loving tribute to her wonderful son. He was a boy who was full of joy and curiosity, who loved his husky dog, “Cookie,” and who just also happened to have Down Syndrome. Etiquette and Dance Instructor, West, wanted people to know that her son was just like any other kid who loved to laugh, play and explore the world around him. Like any other kid, his feelings could get hurt as well. Brandon and his mom want every kid to know that kids with Down Syndrome are just like you - they just want to be loved! If you need more information on tea, table skills, self development class for a Down Syndrome student, you can contact Carla at the Graceful Manners Academy

  🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Lessons and Down Syndrome

It's Me - It's Only Down Syndrome male version and female version books 

     10 Tips for Teaching Manners to Down Syndrome Students 

As a mother of a Down Syndrome son, and an etiquette teacher, I have found that one approach does not work for every student. Each student is totally unique from the rest. And one has to be especially flexible to teach a Down Syndrome student what with additional medical and visual limitations.

1. The very first step is to find out how much your child knows or doesn’t know. You can have him or her professionally assessed, or use your notes from IEP meeting, and make your own determination. According to Washington.edu.com, “An ‘Individualized Education Plan’ (or Program) is also known as an IEP. This is a plan or program developed to ensure that a child with an identified disability who is attending an elementary or secondary educational institution receives specialized instruction and related services.” 

2. Speak to your child’s physician, teacher, therapist, optometrist, etc… Their assistance and support is helpful in determining what adjustments are needed to help your Down Syndrome student succeed. For example: Perhaps your Down Syndrome student needs to read at a 45° angle and not with the paper flat on the desk, because the eyes of Down Syndrome students can focus differently.

3. Determine if your child is a visual, auditory, gross motor learner, or a combination learner, etc... This will let you help you decide how to begin your lessons.

4. How does the child take in information? Does he or she repeat the sentence? Does he or she use sign language to process what you’re telling them? Can he or she follow a 1 step or a 2 step command? For example: pick up your toys; put on your shoes. If the Down Syndrome student cannot follow more than 2 steps in a row, then you know you cannot ask any more than a two step command. If it is limited to one step at a time, readjust your expectations but do not give up!

5. Show excitement when teaching a Down Syndrome student. Set them up for success, and tell them how they can benefit by learning a lesson.

6. Use books, photographs, models helps Down Syndrome students to understand the lesson.

7. Have a dedicated time you want to teach them. Down Syndrome students do well with structure.

8. Use a step-by-step approach to learning. Repeat and remind them often.

9. Distractions are a big concern when trying to keep Down Syndrome students on task, so remove any item, situation, noise that would prevent them from learning.

10. Lastly, have fun! Down Syndrome students have a lot of joy, and like to be entertained, so make it fun, they will learn. Try it out. We can always improvise!

Etiquette and Dance Instructor, and founder of the Graceful Manners Academy, Carla M. West, wanted people to know that her son was just like any other kid who loved to laugh, play and explore the world around him. Like any other kid, his feelings could get hurt as well. Brandon and his mom want every kid to know that kids with Down Syndrome are just like you - they just want to be loved! You can check out her book on Amazon here!

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia