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| “Don't worry too much about making mistakes,” Marja Barrett said in a voice that could soothe a child’s tears. “If you realize that you're using your dinner fork for the salad, don't panic and suddenly drop the fork. You’ll just draw attention to yourself. Believe me, no one probably noticed you were using the wrong fork… they're too busy paying attention to their own food to watch what you're doing.” |
Baby boomers were minding their manners
Doug Wright eyes his wife, Gertrude, with a furtive sideways glance. She had just done the unthinkable. Quietly, but decisively, she had cut up her salad. The bite-sized pieces of bibb lettuce, tomato and onion sat in a small mound on the plate in front of her.
A moment later, speaker Marja Barrett finishes her sentence: “...and remember, always cut up the food a portion at a time." Doug laughs, shrugs his shoulders and grins at his wife. She blushes slightly. “It's easier to eat this way,” she says as she dug into a pile of lettuce using her salad fork tines down, of course.
The setting is a plush restaurant. The topic is table etiquette. Barrett is gently but firmly guiding the roomful of adults through the sloshy dangers of consomme brunoise, the bony pitfalls of grilled duck, and the crumbling perils of dinner rolls. The tables are set with a dazzling array of forks, knives and spoons.
“Don't worry too much about making mistakes,” Barrett says in a voice that could soothe a child’s tears. “If you realize that you're using your dinner fork for the salad, don't panic and suddenly drop the fork. You’ll just draw attention to yourself. Believe me, no one probably noticed you were using the wrong fork… they're too busy paying attention to their own food to watch what you're doing.”
She has spent more than 20 years in what she calls the self-improvement field, including almost eight years as director of the Kathleen Wellman modeling school in Cincinatti. “You can be very intelligent, but if you don't have the social graces, a corporation may be very wary of hiring you,” Barrett says,
Business manners are big business these days. When Barrett was asked to give a roundtable lecture titled “Power Presence” at a recent Women Entrepreneurs’ Conference, the session became so popular that it spilled over into two more.
“More than half the conference attended Barrett's sessions,”says Julia O'Connor, an organizer of the entrepreneurs’ conference. “I think the interest in business manners started at the corporate level and has now filtered down to smaller businesses. It's very important for people with their own businesses, because they have to sell, and to do that they have to know proper manners.”
“Sales people see etiquette and sales as synonymous,” says Ann Marie Sabbath, director of special services at Southern Ohio College. “It’s because so many sales take place over lunch or dinner.” As one of four staffers manning the college’s “At Ease” etiquette hot line, Sabbath has fielded hundreds of etiquette questions from business people. The hotline was established to promote “Mastering Business Etiquette and Protocol,” a seminar the college was sponsoring.
“We've had everyone from secretaries to company presidents to account executives call... anyone who does business over lunch or dinner or who deals with clients in a social situation,” Sabbath says, adding that baby boomers find etiquette particularly attractive. “They are on the corporate climb and are savvy, but they want to refine what they know.”
After the hotline was the subject of a story in The Wall Street Journal, it began receiving telephone queries from around the country. “We've been getting calls from Washington, D.C., Dallas, New Orleans, Chicago and New York. And we've had local companies calling to ask us if we would customize an etiquette class for them.”
Callers are asking about telephone etiquette, tipping rules, and how to greet and introduce people. But most of the questions zero in on dining. “People want to be comfortable and they want to pay attention to conversations rather than worrying about what fork to use,” Sabbath says
Worrying about which fork to use wasn’t of concern by the time the diners at Barrett’s class had reached the main course of duck, wild rice and vegetables. No one dared touch a fork. All were waiting for everyone at their table to be served. “If there are six people or less at your table, you should wait until everyone is served before you start eating.” Barrett says. “But, if there are more, go ahead and eat; otherwise, your food will be cold.”
As the class attacked the main piece of duck. Barrett offered advice on what to order at a business lunch. “Keep the eating simple,” she said. “Forget spaghetti, ribs and lobster. It's a time to pay attention to business, not the food.” She also recommended dining at a familiar restaurant. “That way, when a guest asks you to recommend a dish, you can, because you know the menu. “And never speak loudly. whether you are ordering dessert or discussing a business deal,” she says. “You never know who is sitting at the next table.”
Barrett ended the class with a round of dining don'ts. Among the no-nos:
Don't lick your fingers.
Don't put your hands on your hair or face.
Don't smoke until the meal is over.
Never stack the dishes.
Don't put a wet spoon back in the sugar bowl.
Find out the name of your server. Don't call him “buddy,” “hey, you” or “sir.” Never snap your fingers to get his attention.
Don't give a toast that lasts more than a minute.
Don't lift your glass when you are being toasted. (If you do, people will think you are toasting yourself.)
Never put all 10 fingers in the finger bowl at once. Dip in a few at a time, wipe them with your napkin, then continue dipping and wiping the rest of your fingers. — By Sara Pearce, Gannett News Service, 1986
The setting is a plush restaurant. The topic is table etiquette. Barrett is gently but firmly guiding the roomful of adults through the sloshy dangers of consomme brunoise, the bony pitfalls of grilled duck, and the crumbling perils of dinner rolls. The tables are set with a dazzling array of forks, knives and spoons.
“Don't worry too much about making mistakes,” Barrett says in a voice that could soothe a child’s tears. “If you realize that you're using your dinner fork for the salad, don't panic and suddenly drop the fork. You’ll just draw attention to yourself. Believe me, no one probably noticed you were using the wrong fork… they're too busy paying attention to their own food to watch what you're doing.”
She has spent more than 20 years in what she calls the self-improvement field, including almost eight years as director of the Kathleen Wellman modeling school in Cincinatti. “You can be very intelligent, but if you don't have the social graces, a corporation may be very wary of hiring you,” Barrett says,
Business manners are big business these days. When Barrett was asked to give a roundtable lecture titled “Power Presence” at a recent Women Entrepreneurs’ Conference, the session became so popular that it spilled over into two more.
“More than half the conference attended Barrett's sessions,”says Julia O'Connor, an organizer of the entrepreneurs’ conference. “I think the interest in business manners started at the corporate level and has now filtered down to smaller businesses. It's very important for people with their own businesses, because they have to sell, and to do that they have to know proper manners.”
“Sales people see etiquette and sales as synonymous,” says Ann Marie Sabbath, director of special services at Southern Ohio College. “It’s because so many sales take place over lunch or dinner.” As one of four staffers manning the college’s “At Ease” etiquette hot line, Sabbath has fielded hundreds of etiquette questions from business people. The hotline was established to promote “Mastering Business Etiquette and Protocol,” a seminar the college was sponsoring.
“We've had everyone from secretaries to company presidents to account executives call... anyone who does business over lunch or dinner or who deals with clients in a social situation,” Sabbath says, adding that baby boomers find etiquette particularly attractive. “They are on the corporate climb and are savvy, but they want to refine what they know.”
After the hotline was the subject of a story in The Wall Street Journal, it began receiving telephone queries from around the country. “We've been getting calls from Washington, D.C., Dallas, New Orleans, Chicago and New York. And we've had local companies calling to ask us if we would customize an etiquette class for them.”
Callers are asking about telephone etiquette, tipping rules, and how to greet and introduce people. But most of the questions zero in on dining. “People want to be comfortable and they want to pay attention to conversations rather than worrying about what fork to use,” Sabbath says
Worrying about which fork to use wasn’t of concern by the time the diners at Barrett’s class had reached the main course of duck, wild rice and vegetables. No one dared touch a fork. All were waiting for everyone at their table to be served. “If there are six people or less at your table, you should wait until everyone is served before you start eating.” Barrett says. “But, if there are more, go ahead and eat; otherwise, your food will be cold.”
As the class attacked the main piece of duck. Barrett offered advice on what to order at a business lunch. “Keep the eating simple,” she said. “Forget spaghetti, ribs and lobster. It's a time to pay attention to business, not the food.” She also recommended dining at a familiar restaurant. “That way, when a guest asks you to recommend a dish, you can, because you know the menu. “And never speak loudly. whether you are ordering dessert or discussing a business deal,” she says. “You never know who is sitting at the next table.”
Barrett ended the class with a round of dining don'ts. Among the no-nos:
Don't lick your fingers.
Don't put your hands on your hair or face.
Don't smoke until the meal is over.
Never stack the dishes.
Don't put a wet spoon back in the sugar bowl.
Find out the name of your server. Don't call him “buddy,” “hey, you” or “sir.” Never snap your fingers to get his attention.
Don't give a toast that lasts more than a minute.
Don't lift your glass when you are being toasted. (If you do, people will think you are toasting yourself.)
Never put all 10 fingers in the finger bowl at once. Dip in a few at a time, wipe them with your napkin, then continue dipping and wiping the rest of your fingers. — By Sara Pearce, Gannett News Service, 1986
🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia
