Etiquette for 2025, from 1938

“What does it indicate when a young man talks continuously about himself, his accomplishments, his business success, and his experiences? It indicates that he is very vain and conceited. This type of young man is soon considered a bore, and seldom has but few friends, if any.”  – This applies equally to vain and conceited young women, as well!

Modern Etiquette

Q. Is it good manners for a guest to comment on the food served in a friend’s home?
A. Yes, provided she can say how delicious it is, or praise some particular dish that she knows her hostess takes pride in. It is of course very rude for a guest to say, “I have never cared for salads,” or, “I do not like lemon pie.”

Q. What does it indicate when a young man talks continuously about himself, his accomplishments, his business success, and his experiences?
A. It indicates that he is very vain and conceited. This type of young man is soon considered a bore, and seldom has but few friends, if any.

Q. How does a caller dispose of wraps?
A. A woman retains her wrap, hat and gloves: a man leaves his overcoat, hat and gloves in the hall.

– By Roberta Lee, Calexico Chronicle, 1938

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

One King’s White Glove Etiquette

Alfonso of Spain has a peculiar aversion to gloves, and he refuses to wear them, even on great state occasions In the beginning the strict etiquette of the court of Spain was shocked, but now the young King’s independence is taken as a matter of course. –
Above, an engagement card featuring Alfonso in uniform with his helmet and sword and his fiancé, Victoria Eugenie, wearing a fashionable, squared necked, evening dress.

KING ALFONSO HATES GLOVES

 MAYOR'S TRICK IS UNVEILED

Not Knowing King’s Distaste, Mayor has His Picture Wrong

NEW YORK, June 14 - Alfonso of Spain has a peculiar aversion to gloves, and he refuses to wear them, even on great state occasions In the beginning the strict etiquette of the court of Spain was shocked, but now the young King’s independence is taken as a matter of course.

Alfonso had also a keen and quick eye, and he relates this story of an incident in the Pyrenees. Passing through a little village the royal automobile misbehaved, and the royal traveler alighted to direct the royal chauffeurs in making repairs. The mayor of the village struggled into a white collar and his best clothes and came forward to offer assistance. The King asked him to show him around the village, and the two men left the car in the road and walked through the town.

In the office of the mayor was a picture of Alfonso, but wearing white gloves This caused the King to approach and examine the print closely. “Never have I worn white gloves.” muttered Alfonso. Then the mayor came forward, covered with confusion, and explained. The picture was originally of Alfonso XII, the King's father. When son followed father to the throne the thrifty mayor decapitated Alfonso XII and had the head of Alfonso XIII painted on the original canvas. He had not, however, known about the gloves. – By the Associated Press, 1913

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Doors and Privacy

In an old etiquette book, written some 200 years ago, attention is called to the fact that when seeking admission at chamber doors one should give “not above one knock” and “At the door of the chamber of a great person it would be rude to knock; we are only to scratch.”

Always Remember To Knock

“A good custom is better than law.”-Euripides

One thing in which English family etiquette is better than our own is in the little custom, of knocking. Generally speaking in English families there is more respect for personal privacy than in our own land, and children of British parents are early taught to knock on their parent’s doors before entering. In like manner, a well bred English woman would show more consideration than to enter one of her own children’s rooms without the preliminary request for admission in the guise of a knock. Having knocked, the well bred English person waits for the welcoming, “Come in,” whereas between members of the same family in this land of ours, if we stop to knock at all, we often forget to wait for the word of welcome.

Recently many a new house in this country has been provided with little brass knockers placed on each bedroom door and these perhaps rerve to revive the gentle courtesy of knocking. Needless to say the custom of knocking for admission is a very ancient one and, before the days of doorbells and even before the days of iron or brass door knockers, people knocked for admission to other people’s houses and cottages by means of a vigorous knocking with the knuckle. Just as now we consider it rude to ring repeatedly or more than once without waiting to give someone inside an opportunity to respond to the first ring, so it was considered rude to continue with a series of knocks. 

In an old etiquette book, written some 200 years ago, attention is called to the fact that when seeking admission at chamber doors one should give “not above one knock” and “At the door of the chamber of a great person it would be rude to knock; we are only to scratch.” Probably the idea was that the knock might disturb the great man and that a servant was sure to be near the door to hear the merest scratch. However, scratching as a substitute for knocking is no longer in vogue.– By Mary Marshall Duffee, 1918

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Noon Weddings

“should wear a dark morning coat, light or white waistcoat, light trousers and light gloves, preferably pearl gray…” – Image of men’s gloves, Pinterest

A. E. City.–  An authority on etiquette on the subject of noon weddings says: “The dress of the bridegroom should be on no account too gay: he should wear a dark morning coat, light or white waistcoat, light trousers and light gloves, preferably pearl gray, and a flower in his buttonhole.” – San Francisco Call, 1900

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and a Complaining Dyspeptic

As a bright creature said not long ago after being thrown into the company of this pronounced type of dyspeptic: “Why, I'd just as soon darn my stockings between the courses, or manicure my nails, or do anything of that sort at the table, as to talk of uproarious rebellious interior organs, and yet I have had to listen to a running commentary on them for six weeks!”… 
Alerting a host or hostess ahead of a meal that one has dietary or other food restrictions is one thing. A smart host or hostess will know how to handle the situation discreetly. But turning one’s gut and stomach issues into a topic of discussion at the dining table is another – whether your repast is being served in a humble boarding house or the grand dining room in a Newport mansion. Good manners will keep one from divulging the details of their dyspepsia at the dining table.

Who of us that has ever “boarded” in the usual way has not been at some time afflicted with the society of the complaining dyspeptic boarder. The malady is too prevalent for us always to escape her, though it doesn’t follow that she must be a disagreeable stamp of invalid. By no means. But there is one specimen which haunts public tables, whether at home or abroad, that we would all like to have suppressed by fair means or foul. 

You ask one of these dyspeptics, “Will you have some white bread?” and she replies with the air of a wife of a candidate, “No, I don't eat anything made of white flour. It seems to swell up inside of me,” “Shall I help you to some ragout of veal?” “No, thanks,” this time she speaks with angelic sweetness, “I love it, but it doesn't love me!”- such an original remark! - “the last time I ate veal I was up all night,” and then she folds her hands resignedly under the table. “Cheese?” “No, thanks!” - this dyspeptic kind of woman always says, “Thanks, it does not agree with me; my husband's father was a doctor, and he told me never to eat cheese with my stomach,” and so on, and so on.

Then she will be sure to recommend certain dishes to the assembled guests, and to her daughter, if she has a daughter, it is: “Susie, dear, eat only the stone fruit, and a great deal of it; it is so good for you, dear.” Or it is: “Susie, remember your stomach was out of order yesterday; don't eat that!” Until you have a succession of internal and infernal pictures, as a delightful sauce for your dinner, breakfast and lunch conversations. The beauty of it is, this chronic sufferer consumes more food than a person of healthy appetite with perfect digestion. You can’t blame anybody for having a disordered pâté de foie gras liver, but it is rather distressing to continually hear about it. 

As a bright creature said not long ago after being thrown into the company of this pronounced type of dyspeptic: “Why, I'd just as soon darn my stockings between the courses, or manicure my nails, or do anything of that sort at the table, as to talk of uproarious rebellious interior organs, and yet I have had to listen to a running commentary on them for six weeks!” It is a question if a chapter on this American trait shouldn't be added to a certain little manual on etiquette and table manners that some of us would like immediately answered in the affirmative. – Boston Herald, 1888

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Gilded Age Advice: Strive for Elegance

“Some people eat instinctively with great elegance; some never achieve elegance in these minor matters, but all should strive for it. There is no more repulsive object than a person who eats noisily, grossly, inelegantly.” – One form of inelegant dining at the table was achieved by those gilded age, young women who refused to remove their mousquetaire gloves at the table. Yes, the gloves could be simply unbuttoned and one could shove the glove’s “fingers” under the gloves, pushing them out of the way… avoiding the need to remove them completely, as any elegant women at the table had done. But this custom was never considered proper at the table. Removing one’s gloves completely at the table was the required etiquette, as it still is today.

GOOD AND BAD TABLE MANNERS

Some people eat instinctively with great elegance; some never achieve elegance in these minor matters, but all should strive for it. There is no more repulsive object than a person who eats noisily, grossly, inelegantly. Dr. Johnson is remembered for his brutal way of eating almost as much as for his great learning and genius. With him it was selfish preoccupation.

Fish and fruit are eaten with silver knives and forks; or, if silver fish-knives are not provided, a piece of bread can be held in the left hand. Fish corrodes a steel knife. Never tilt a soup-plate for the last drop, or ostentatiously scrape your plate clean.

A part of table manners should be the conversation. By mutual consent, everyone should bring only the best that is in him to the table. There should be the greatest care taken in the family circle to talk of only agreeable topics at meals. The mutual forbearance which prompts the neat dress, the respectful bearing, the delicate habit of eating, the attention to table etiquette, should also make the mind put on its best dress, and the effort of any one at a meal should be to make himself as agreeable as possible.

No one should show any haste in being helped, or any displeasure at being left until the last. It is always proper at an informal meal to ask for a second cut, to say that rare or underdone beef is more to your taste than the more cooked portions. But one never asks twice for soup or fish; one is rarely helped twice at dessert. These dishes, also salad, are supposed to admit of but one helping– Tuolumne Independent, 1883

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

The Value of Etiquette

Frontier humorist, Bill Nye, more formally known as Edgar Wilson Nye, was the first editor of the “Laramie Boomerang.” He named the Wyoming paper for his mule, because of what he described as the “eccentricity of his orbit.”

A Dissertation on the Folly of Indistinct Introduction and Kindred Topics

There seems to be a growing tendency on the part of the average American toward what I may be pardoned for calling the anonymous or incognito introduction. This introduction generally starts off in a fortissimo strain that if kept up throughout the recital would herald the names of both parties to the uttermost parts of the earth. Then the piano and diminuendo strain comes.

That is the reason we are acquainted with so many people whose names we do not know. A man steps up to you in a crowd somewhere in one of those quiet little town meetings where it is a mark of great conversational genius to talk steadily onward without using the mind, and says: "Pardon me, I want to make you two people acquainted. You ought to know each other. You are both friends of mine. Mr. _________, Mr.  _________. There, now you are acquainted!" 

Why a man should write a long letter and write it plainly, signing it at the end with a name that would have bothered Daniel to decipher, is more than I can understand. It is the same style of peculiarity as the anonymous introduction exactly. I may be a little careless about my penmanship while writing in a great hurry, trying to keep up with my surging thoughts, but I most always sign my name so that it can be deciphered. I have written letters where the signature was the only thing that was absolutely beyond the possibility of doubt. But if a man signs his name so that you can write to him and ask him what the balance of his letter was about, it is better than a long beautifui letter from unknown and unknowable person. In the latter case you are left to kick the empty air.

Some day when I get more time I am going to prepare a long, treatise upon etiquette and deliver it to the American people, illustrated by one of those stereopticons. Etiquette has been a life-long study for me. It is a thing that has engrossed my attention from my earliest boyhood, and it shows. itself at once in my polished manners and easy running carriage.

At table especially our American people need a great deal of training. Wherever I go I am struck with our sad need of careful training. As a country we need careful instructions in our manners, more especially at hotels. Only the other day, at the table d'hote, I heard a man ask for half a dozen buckwheat cakes, and when they came to him he moistened the tips of his fingers in a finger-bowl and ran over the cakes as he would a roll of currency if he was the assistant cashier in a National bank. Another man at the same table was asked to pass the pepper- box and he took it with his thumb on the bottom and his two first fingers on the top, just as he had been in the habit of moving a stack of chips from the ace to the deuce, no doubt for years.

So we as a people crowd our vocations to the front and we are not able to banish our trades and professions even at table. We should try to overcome this, and there are many other features of our national etiquette which we need to change. Only last week I saw a fine-looking young man sit at a hotel table combing his mustache with his fork, and while in a brown study the fork slipped out of the mustache and plunged with a sickening jab into his eye. We cannot be too careful in our intercourse with men to avoid all appearance of evil.

Etiquette always marks the true gentleman and makes him an object of curiosity, especially at a hotel. When you see a gentleman with whom you are not acquainted you should look upon him with genteel horror and shudder two times in rapid succession. This will convince a stranger that you have been reared with the greatest care and that your parents have taken special pains not to allow you to associate with vulgar people.

I started out to say a few words about the folly of indistinct introductions and wappy-jawed signatures, but I have wandered away, as I am apt to do, and I apologize, hoping that the genial and rosy-cheeked reader as she sits in her boudoir, on this glorious morning, looking more like a peri than any thing else I can think of, will forgive me. – By Bill Nye, in N. Y. Mercury, 1893

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Gilded Age Advice for “Vocal Culture”

I deny that a woman is formed by nature so as to be compelled to shriek in falsetto in order to throw her voice to the distance of five, ten or twenty rods. Good etiquette requires for our comfort and highest accomplishment a clear, strong, full use of the voice. 

A Plea for Voice Culture

A good deal is being done to educate the hands. In my opinion it is becoming a vital matter to also educate the voice, not for special purposes, but for everyday use. Women rarely use their lungs and throats wisely. I know many who can hardly be heard distinctly across a table. This is often affectation; more often it is a habit formed from a belief that a woman should not be loud voiced. It is not necessary to screech in order to be heard, that is if your voice has been discreetly used. 

A child's voice is generally pleasant until made unpleasant by bad habits or a bad spirit. But an unused, neglected voice, when driven to effort, makes a bad mess of it. I deny that a woman is formed by nature so as to be compelled to shriek in falsetto in order to throw her voice to the distance of five, ten or twenty rods. Good etiquette requires for our comfort and highest accomplishment a clear, strong, full use of the voice. 

There never was invented by art so charming an instrument as a beautiful throat. Yet how many voices are wretchedly cracked and squeaking. I am ambitious as a mother that each one of my children shall have fine vocal organs; well developed, well trained and delightful to be heard. That is, we should not only be able to talk to people all the way to them, but so as to delight them when we are heard.- Mary E. Spencer in St. Louis Globe-Democrat, 1892

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia