Saltwater Etiquette

Etiquette on the water is expected between ships. To be without any manners, and showing courtesy to others on the sea, captains and their crews would find themselves as welcome as drivers on the worlds’ highways would be without exhibiting courtesy and manners behind the wheel. To use the word “unwelcome” would be an understatement!

Punctiliousness as Seen Between Ships, 

Big and Little, at Sea

How the Master of an Indian Liner and the Yankee Skipper of a “Cordwood Coaster” Exchanged Greetings

The Atlantic ocean is, streaked from one side to the other with the long, black, trailing smoke plumes of the big, rushing “record breakers” and “ocean greyhounds,” and few are left of the gallant old white winged craft that carried the flag and the fame of the nation to every part of the world, save some scattering “oil sleds” which the sailors, or to speak more correctly, the deckhands on the liners contemptuously refer to as “wind jammers.” 

Here and there, however, will be seen an occasional East Indian semi-clipper, either bound out to China or the East Indies, loaded with case oil, or coming home with a cargo of hemp, jute, linseed, rattan or some other of the fragrant and valuable products of the gorgeous east. But through all the changes in the size and rig of vessels, through all the vicissitudes of a life on the ocean wave, the captain of a ship, be it big or little, is, as a rule, as punctilious in the matter of etiquette as a Spanish grandee. And the etiquette of the sea is a wonderful thing. 

A hail from a little 75-ton “fore and after” will be answered with as much regard for the proprieties by the East India ship of 2,000 tons as it would be by one of its own size, and when the big ship has been run through storm and fog by “dumb luck and dead reckoning,” the appearance of the little one is hailed with delight, as affording a means of rectifying possible errors in reckoning. 

An instance of this kind occurred off Cape Cod a short time ago, when the captain of a ship with a valuable cargo and a crew of twenty-five men, as the fog lifted about noon of the seventh consecutive day without an observation, saw almost under his bows a little “cordwood coaster” creeping along under mainsail and jib, with her skipper at the wheel and her crew (one man) vigorously hauling away at the jib sheet. “Ship ahoy!” roared the skipper.

Back from the deck way above him came the answering call, “Ahoy there.”

“Where ye from?” was the next question. “Calcutta, bound for Boston,” was the reply.

“What's yer cargo?”

“Linseed, spice and jute butts.”

“How long ye bin out?”

“One hundred and sixty days,”

“Gosh!” said the skipper, and then came the chance of the big ship’s captain.

“Schooner ahoy!” came down from the deck of the “lime juicer.”

“Ahoy there,” went back the answer “What's your longitude?”

The skipper knew where he was and the master of the Calcutta ship was uncertain. So when the answer was given he was much relieved, for it showed that he was nearer home than he had reckoned. But he was going to have his talk out any way, and although the little fellow had his jib to windward he roared out:

“Where you from?”

“Gloucester, bound for New Bedford.”

“What’s your cargo?”

“Rocks and bilge water mostly.” “How long you been out?”

The skipper was stung by the sarcasm of the question, and with a look of scorn at the big ship bellowed out: “Bin out all night, by thunder, and I wish I hadn't. Draw away your jib!” and the sheet block went over to the lee rail with a bang, the sail filled, and the last the Indian man heard of the schooner was the skipper’s shout from the stern of his boat, “Ye think ye’re darn smart, don't ye, jest cause ye’re big!” -New York Tribune, 1894

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Emily Post and Social Umpires

One of the better known writers on manners, with her first book of etiquette published in 1922, is Emily Post. Though she died in 1960, her extended family (most notably her late-granddaughter in-law, Elizabeth Post) has successfully continued on with her legacy of  nearly a century of etiquette books, news columns and social media contributions. – Above, “Emily Post” by Miguel Covarrubias for Vanity Fair, December 1933 
– Image source, Pinterest 

Chaperon Snubbed by Emily Post, Social ‘Umpire’ 

Emily Post did a bit of snubbing in Santa Ana today. She turned up her nose at chaperons for girls. In her newest book on etiquette, the ultra-ultra authority on polite behavior not only woke up to the fact that the chaperon has long been in moth balls, but also became aware that girls sometimes do a little stalking of men.

Miss Post gave grudging approval to this technique of pursuit, but warned that girls must never, never run.

With the fall social season opening, with high school and junior college festivities about to begin, girls and their mothers today were busy getting “posted” on the revised rules for the game.

VIEWS APPLAUDED

Local vendors have just received their first stacks of Mrs. Post’s modernized edition, and Santa Ana matrons have begun flocking in to get their copies.

Most social leaders here were heartily in sympathy with the liberalized trend in etiquette. A few thought Emily Post should be the last outpost of conservatism, but most of the new departments in the 700-page volume were well received.

Here are some of the newer Emilypostisms:

• “The young girl who is ‘the success of today’ depends far more upon her actual talents and disposition than in the day when sex-appeal was an ever menacing fact instead of a commonplace phrase...”

HOLDING HANDS?

• “It is the present fashion for the younger generation to walk side by side, never arm in arm...
• “In no detail of etiquette has the modern generation effected so marked a change as in its increasing freedom from the perpetual presence of a chaperon. The chaperon is gone. Protection has disappeared, much as have the veils which covered the faces of the women in the East...
• “When champagne is served at a mixed party, men always should be offered the alternative of a choice of whiskies.. ‘Highball’ is a social tabu. One says Scotch and soda or whisky and soda ...

SPEED LIMIT

• “A girl who goes into an office because she thinks herself pretty and hopes to rise quickly because of her physical charm has clerkship and chorus-work mixed. Sex is one thing that has no place in business…
• “The ideal business woman is accurate, orderly, quick and impersonal…
• “How far may a girl run after a man? Catlike, she may do a little stalking! But ‘run’? Not a step. The freedom of today allows her to meet him half way, but the girl who runs, runs after a man who runs faster!...

DUNKING?

• “Ethically the only chaperon is the young girl’s own sense of dignity and pride... 
• “In going to tea in a college man's room, it would not be out of the way for two or three properly behaved young girls to go together, with no older chaperon…
• “Elbows on the table are all right in a restaurant. because of the necessity for leaning forward when talking with a companion across the table…
• “A baked potato may be eaten by breaking it in half, scooping the inside onto the the plate with a fork and mixing butter, salt and pepper in it with a fork, but never with a knife...
• “All juicy or 'gooey' fruits or cakes are best eaten with a fork, but in most cases it is a matter of dexterity..."

Miss Post did not discuss the subject of drinking. – Santa Ana Journal, 1937

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Went Fishing

Whether fishing for sport or fishing for one’s food, good etiquette is a requirement. Follow all posted rules and unposted rules, if you discover any apply, if you wish to be welcome back. Etiquette is big component of good sportsmanship!

       

Etiquette Rule of the Sea:

Old Whaling Law Applied to a Twice Caught Cod

The etiquette which is observed among the fishermen that journey to the fishing banks was discovered by an amateur angler on his first trip. The amateur hooked a codfish, but his line parted just as the fish was above the water. Back fell the cod-fish. carrying with him two sinkers and the hook.

Twenty minutes later another angler eried out that he had captured a cod with two sinkers and a hook. The amateur went up to the angler, who appeared to be an old salt, and asked for his hook and sinkers, which had his name stamped on them. He was surprised when the old salt told him to take the fish also.

According to the rules generally followed on the fishing boats, the second angler was entitled to the fish, but the hooks and sinkers should be returned to their owner. The old angler explained why he wanted to give up the fish.

It seems that he had followed the sea a great part of his life. When a young man he was a whaler, and, according to whaling law, a dead whale belongs to the ship whose name appears on the harpoon that killed it. Therefore the old salt figured that the amateur owned the codfish he had taken. –New York Sun, 1909

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette: Table Crumbing to Dessert

After the salad course, the table is crumbed with a folded napkin on to a china plate, and the dessert service is placed before the guest — the glass bowl and plate on the larger plate with a small, lace or embroidered doily between. – Above, crumbing the table using a table crumbed brush and pan set. These can be used for a more formal look and numerous antique versions can be found for purchase online.

Crumbing the Table & Serving Dessert

Dessert, as interpreted by the American hostess, is anything sweet that comes at the end of the meal -puddings, pies, ice-cream. Pie is never served at a formal dinner. Ice-cream, in one form or another, is almost the universal dessert. The dessert spoon is twice the size of a teaspoon, and with the fork which matches it in design, is laid either beside the dessert or upon it.

The present-day correct dessert service consists of a glass or china plate, deeper and about the size of a tea plate, a smaller glass plate and a finger bowl to match.

After the salad course, the table is crumbed with a folded napkin on to a china plate, and the dessert service is placed before the guest — the glass bowl and plate on the larger plate with a small, lace or embroidered doily between. The guest removes the finger bowl and doily to the cloth, and takes his ice-cream on the glass plate. This is then removed and the fruit is eaten from the larger plate. The fingers are dipped in the finger bowl and wiped on the napkin. Very lovely dessert sets, the three pieces matching, may be had in delicately colored glass.

Dessert may, however, be served in various ways, according to the pleasure of the hostess. It may be served “from the side,” where the plate would be set before the guest with the dessert silver on it. Or it may be served by the hostess at the table which would be the English form, the waitress taking the plates from the hostess and placing them before the guest - always from the left. In this case the silver would be laid on the cloth.

A fruit knife must be laid if fruit is to be served. At many really formal dinners the fruit course is omitted, since few care for both the sweet dessert and fruit. – From “The Gracious Hostess” by Della Thompson Lutes, 1923

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Tardy Dinner Guests

If you are going to be more than 10 minutes late to a dinner, or any meal for that matter, the polite thing to do is to call ahead and let your host or hostess know. It is the height of rudeness to arrive late without notifying someone when on is fully able to do so. Arriving more than 10 minutes early can also be a problem for hosts and hostesses. To be most polite, try to be on time… no earlier and no later.

The Guest Who is Late for Dinner

If a guest at the last moment is unable to attend, the hostess or her secretary or the butler should call up some intimate friend and ask him to fill in. Instead of being offended at being invited at the last minute, one should be complimented at being considered on sufficiently intimate terms to be asked. And one should never refuse such a request if it is possible to accede.

Twenty minutes past the hour set for dinner is the longest a hostess need wait for delinquent guests. It is almost unpardonable for a guest to be late for a dinner party, but if one unavoidably is, the hostess must receive his apologies amiably, shaking hands as she sits at table, and not rising unless the guest is a woman.

Unless the guest asks that the service may begin at the point reached when he enters which the considerate guest will do he is served from the first as were the others. The considerate guest, however, will not be late for dinner if it is possible to be on time. To keep a dinner waiting is not only ruination to the dinner, but irritating to one’s hostess and inconsiderate of other guests. 

If one can see that ten, fifteen or twenty minutes will elapse before he can get to his destination, he should telephone and ask that dinner be not kept waiting. Habitually to stroll in ten or fifteen minutes after the hour named is a pretty sure way to get one's name crossed off a dinner list.—The Gracious Hostess, by Della Thompson Lutes, 1923

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Not So Revolutionary Etiquette

Rules of etiquette change from generation to generation, and this is particularly true of table manners. – Image source, Pinterest.
⭐️🧨⭐️🇺🇸 ⭐️🧨⭐️🇺🇸 ⭐️🧨⭐️🇺🇸 ⭐️🧨⭐️

What unusual rules of table etiquette prevailed during the early years of our nation's history?

Rules of etiquette change from generation to generation, and this is particularly true of table manners. This writer well remembers when the toothpick holder had a regular place on the table and after the desserts were finished, the final part of the meal hour was the passing of the toothpicks.

In perusing the hundreds of publications on the life and time of George Washington, in the Huntington Library, this writer ran across a little book entitled, “Rules of Civility.” Evidently this book was of *French origin and had been translated into English, and during the youthful days of Washington a copy of it fell into his hands. 

Clearly this book intrigued the youth, for he copied the 110 rules into a neatly kept copy book. Selected from these rules are unusual ones pertaining to table manners. Doubtless Washington practiced these rules while at table.

1-“Being set at meat, do not scratch, cough, or blow your nose, except there’s necessity for it.

2-Take no salt or cut your bread with a greasy knife.

3-If you soak bread in the sauce, let it be no more than you can put in your mouth at a time; blow not your broth at table, stay until it cools itself.

4-Put not your meat to your mouth with your knife in your hand, neither spit forth any stones of any fruit pye upon a dish, nor cast anything under the table.

5-Put not another bite into your mouth until the former is swallowed; let not your morsels be too big for the jowls.

6-Cleanse not your teeth with the table cloth, napkin, fork or knife, but if others do it, let it be done with a toothpick.

7-Kill no vermin as fleas, ticks, lice, etc..., at table in sight of others.

8-Drink not too leisurely nor yet too hasty. Before and after drinking wipe your lips, breathe not then or ever with too great a noise.”

Table manners have evidently changed somewhat since the time of George Washington, but even in our enlightened days we occasionally find those who inhale their soup and dunk their toast. (By the way, this writer still persists in this latter habit when unobserved by his wife.) – By Guy Allison, 1949

*The book, “Rules of Civility” was not French. It was written by the Dutch scholar, Erasmus 

 

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Punctilious Etiquette

What was on the fashionable Gilded Age or Victorian Era dinner sideboard? See the image above for the ‘Modern Mode of Serving Dishes’ at the time for Trifle, Raspberry Cream, a beautiful and bountiful centerpiece of fruits, and a natural display of strawberries on the vine in an ornamental flowerpot... — No R.S.V.P. is used on the dinner card, for every one knows that a dinner is a solemn occasion, calling for the utmost punctiliousness in etiquette. The invitation sent out two weeks before the dinner, demands an immediate answer, on account of allowing the hostess to invite another guest in case you decline, and the engagement once made, the same rule holds good that maintains in following your partner's lead in trumps; only sudden death releases you. 
— photo source, Pinterest 

English Dinner Ideas and the Latest Conventionalities Dictated by Fashion

A 2nd debut article from 2020

If you would entertain according to the latest London idea, says the New York Commercial Advertiser, you will send out for a dinner an engraved card, bearing the formula: Mr. and Mrs.______ request the pleasure of company at dinner on at _____ o’clock, with the address in the lower left hand corner. No R.S.V.P. is used on the dinner card, for every one knows that a dinner is a solemn occasion, calling for the utmost punctiliousness in etiquette. 

The invitation sent out two weeks before the dinner, demands an immediate answer, on account of allowing the hostess to invite another guest in case you decline, and the engagement once made, the same rule holds good that maintains in following your partner's lead in trumps; only sudden death releases you. It will be noticed that the invitation reads Mr. and Mrs. request the pleasure, etc... In balls, concerts, everything but a dinner, the invitation goes out in the name of the hostess only. The form may be engraved on a card, a folded sheet, or for small dinners be written on the sheet by the hostess or her secretary. 

Unpunctuality is without excuse at a dinner, and in some London houses the guests go into the dining-room promptly at the hour, whether the party is complete or not, and, as a rule, at such houses there are no delinquents. In London, too, thanks to the universal use of cabs, a woman, even if she keep no carriage of her own; is not supposed to require any preparation for entering the reception-room, and a maid relieves her of her wrap in the hall without showing her to any room. 

Of course, the lady enters the room first, as the old custom of coming in arm in arm has quite gone out. In the first arrivale are strangers, they are introduced, and the hostess also introduces the gentleman to the lady he is to take into diuner, if they are strangers. Young ladies are not invited with their parents to formal dinners, and it is usually arranged to have an equal number of ladies and gentlemen among the guests, though often a man may be included who has no one to take in. 

Following the usual custom, the host, when dinner is announced, leads the way with the lady guest of honor, the hostess coming down last of all with the gentleman of most importance. If the dinner is large, the hostess may introduce the gentlemen to the ladies they are to take in a short time before the announcement. If the company is small, she says simply, “Mr. H., will you please take in Miss R. ?” and the name at the places seat the guests. Dinner à la Russe is served in London at fashionable houses with everything carved off the table by servants. Even the soup tureen is placed on the sideboard. In the matter of wines, sherry is served after soup, hock with the oysters, champagne is handed round with the first entrée, and may be continued through dinner, and placed with other wines before the host when dessert time arrives. 

Occasionally, a bowl of rose water is handed round, into which guests dip their fingers, wiping them on their own serviettes. When the dessert has been handed round,  the servants leave the room, and when it is finished the hostess must catch the eye of the lady sitting by the host, and making a slight inclination, rise and stand near the door, which one of the gentlemen holds open, until all her guests have passed through. 

Coffee is then served in the drawing-room to the gentlemen. No other refreshments are served, except the fashionable liqueurs, which are brought round directly after the coffee, though few ladies take them. English hospitality provides a tray of wine in the hall-room where the wraps are left, to be offered as a stirrup-cup when the guests depart at 10:30 or 11 o’clock. —Mercury News, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Table Salt Etiquette

Most hosts and hostesses will expect the salting of eggs at the table, as eggs are often times brought to the table in the shell. As Etiquipedia’s dear grandmother used to advise, eggs should never be salted by the cook or chef. It is too easy to over-salt eggs and impossible to remove salt once it’s put in. – This antique silver egg set features an adorable chick perched on a ringed dish for eggs, an egg-shaped salt cellar, a pepper shaker and a holder in the shape of a cracked egg half.

                   Quick Tips Table Salt Etiquette

🧂Salt can be placed on the dining table in shakers, grinders or very small dishes known as dips or “cellars.”

🧂If it is a large dinner party and there are not enough small salts and peppers for each place setting, there should be a set between every two place settings.

🧂If there is no small spoon accompanying a salt dip or cellar, one can use the tip of a clean knife blade to salt their food.

🧂 Salting food in a restaurant is not considered an insult if you are accustomed to a certain dish there, however, to do so without at least taking a small taste prior to adding anything to alter the flavor, may signal an unsophisticated or diminished palate. 

🧂 Unless one is being served eggs in the shell or something similar, salting something immediately in a private home is highly discouraged if one wishes to appear well-mannered. Any other food or dish should be tasted first. And do thank the cook!  It is considered a “non-verbal complaint,” comparable to pouring catsup or some other condiment all over one’s dish, prior to tasting. It is most impolite.

🧂Even if you are asked for your opinion, it is never polite to criticize someone’s food in their home or if they have brought it somewhere for you and others to enjoy.

🧂If you do not care for something you have been served, you should not be dishonest, but should say the most positive thing you can about it in the nicest way. For example, “This is incredibly spicy! I know several people who would really enjoy this dish! My dad, for one would love this!” Said with a smile, it would go over well.

🧂 Salt and pepper are to be considered “married,” so they should be kept together at the dining table. If you are asked to pass one or the other, pass them together.

🧂 At a formal or multi-course dinner, salt and pepper shakers should be removed from the dinner table on a tray with the rest of the food from the preceding course, before the dessert is brought in.

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia