Etiquette Advice for 12 Year Olds

The girls badger their mothers for permission to appear older than their years. They want permanents, longer dresses, lipstick, nylons, high heels and the privileges of their older sisters…

The average 12-year-old is very self-conscious, neither child nor young adult. If a boy, he still may be short and childish in appearance while some of his classmates have begun to shoot a foot or more above him; he is certain he will remain a small boy, that his voice will never change, that girls will never look at him.

The girls, on the other hand, badger their mothers for permission to appear older than their years. They want permanents, longer dresses, lipstick, nylons, high heels and the privileges of their older sisters. When they can't get satisfaction from mothers, they often write me. Here are some letters from 12-year-olds:

Q. I may be a little young to be worrying about this, but the young ladies of my school just don't seem to like me - especially at dances. I'm neat, and not bad looking. Would you please help me? J. H., Denver, Colo.

A. One of the nice things about being 12 is that you know you will change. You are not physically what you are sure to become in a few years. Socially and intellectually you are bound to improve remarkably. Try worrying less about yourself and work on how to be agreeable to the girls in your class. Avoid looking bored; people like girls and boys who look alive and make them feel alive. And, of course, work hard on your dancing.

Q. I think you're being unfair to us girls of 12. I believe we should be able to wear lip- stick. I wear coral clear; is that all right? K. D., St. Louis.

A. Once you start using lipstick, you don't feel dressed without it. If a 12-year-old's mother breaks down and says a little lipstick is all right for certain occasions, she will shortly be under pressure to allow it perma- nently. Little-girlhood is a precious thing. I do not like to see 12-year-olds aping older girls. – Parade Magazine, 1956

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Honesty and Integrity

In a world full of old and new etiquette books, we highly recommend the late-Amy Vanderbilt’s books. They can hold many treasures, not the least of which is terrific etiquette advice!

The Proper Etiquette? 

Return the Money

DENVER (AP) - A garage sale buff who found $475 inside a copy of Amy Vanderbilt's book on “Everyday Etiquette” didn't need the late Ms. Vanderbilt to advise her on the proper thing to do. 

Robin A. located the book's former owner, Francis T., 14 years after Mrs. T. hid it there in an old Easter card, and returned the money.

Ms. A. was flipping through books at the garage sale sponsored by the Arthritis Foundation on Aug. 17 when she came upon the Vanderbilt guide to proper everyday behavior.

As she thumbed through the book the card fell out, with the cash stuffed inside. Ms. A. noted the name and address on the card, bought the book and contacted Mrs. T., who lives in northwest Denver.

Mrs. T. said she had hidden the money inside the card 14 years ago, put it in the book and forgot all about it. She gave Ms. A. a $75 reward. – The Desert Sun, 1985

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Dame Fashion’s Foray into Inuit Soil

While other stores across the globe were advertising their newest Easter fashions, Dame Fashion had just begun to jostle Juneau and the rest of the great Pacific Northwest with women’s fashions. And one can be certain, that where there reside fashion conscious women, men’s fashions will soon be on display for sale as well!

EASTER LINGERIE AND SILK PANTS SHOCK NORTH

JUNEAU, April 25. - Dame Fashion has jostled Juneau. The Old Sourdoughs are gasping for breath and fretting about their incomes. Easter Sunday proved an aurora boralitic Waterloo. It was a sartorial swat in the pосket-book and a sight for sore eyes. Old timers had thought Juneau was still a man's town, but now they know better. There was an Easter fashion parade along the Arctic circle which proved a greater lure to masculine eyes than the glint of gold and started a stampede for vantage points of inspection. 

The women of Juneau “put it over” on the men. They imported the latest things in Paris styles and wore them right out where they could be seen. The blankets and furs of Esquimo etiquette gave place to frocks clipped above the shoe tops. Glimpses of silk-clad ankles flashed where they had never been seen before. Frilled pantalettes swished where leather leggings had held sway. The swagger stick made its debut where the pick handle had been paramount. Juneau masculinity enjoyed it. 

The event had not been well advertised but the news spread like wild-fire. “Come on, fellers!” chortled the Sourdoughs. And they ran from miles around to see the pretty sights. The Juneau fashion parade on Easter was a pronounced success. It was the first, but it will not be the last: And now the married men of the “Great Raw North” are mourning the cost of the sights their unwed brothers enjoyed for nothing. For Arctic circle quotations on French frocks and filmy lingerie come high. – By Pacific News Service, 1916

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Easter Sunday

                                

The Disgruntled Heart and the Sour Countenance Have no Place at Easter

Etiquette for Easter Sunday? Ah, me, how many sermons might be written on the subject, for when is there a moment for more scrupulous behavior. The book of mere politeness may not say much about it – indeed, I am sorry to say, cut and dried politeness rarely touch upon the holier things. 

But upon the four walls of the church, which is so solemnly and jubilantly chanting its praise to God for everlasting life is written in letters of deathless fire, all the sublime meaning of Easter. To the heart and mind, too, that can see at all there is all the world rejoicing for the one thing that the tomb of Joseph or Arimathea has given up its dead. 

Etiquette for Easter Sunday

It begins with some faith in this great story; or else in a beautiful, even reverential respect for all those who have it. It continues with gratitude for the new life that is shown in field and tree, in a freshened heart for all earth; in a love that strives to forget self in all the little dealings, at home and abroad, with mere existence.

The disgruntled heart and sour countenance, then, have no place with Easter joy any more than has the willful conduct that mocks at a neighbor's piety. Granted we are sometimes denied faith, common sense, the more fire of spring, will tell us that we have much to rejoice for. The garment of the winter-locked earth has been made over - bud and leaf are near to tell us, too, that old fears may pass. And lovely music and resplendent flowers of churches are telling us more; the that there must be something in a story that loses no whit of its beauty after 2000 years, sublime.

So much for the conduct of the heart and mind on Easter Sunday. But if we cannot tune our spirits to the diviner appeal let us at least consider the common decencies, It is the height of bad taste to allow the tinkling of profane piano tunes - as all music not sacred is - in a church - going neighborhood on Easter Sunday. And the man or woman who goes to divine service only on this day and entirely for the purpose of hearing the fine music and seeing the flowers and fashions must be careful of his or her conduct in the house of prayer. 

It is customary for non-church members to wait at the back of the church upon entering until an usher comes forward to seat them; for if they assume the right to seat themselves they may be obnoxious to conservative pew holders. This resentment may seem incompatible with piety on the part of the church members, but those persons may have invited friends to their pews and the presence of strangers coming ahead of these would doubtless cause considerable embarrassment later on. – The Morning Union, 1914

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Reapplying Lipstick

 

If one’s lipstick is on the cup, it isn’t on the lips any longer. Reapplying a bit of lipstick at the table is fine with Etiquipedia, as long as one does it without show and it is a one step process only. Lip liner, a base coat or top coat are not allowable without excusing oneself to go to the powder room or elsewhere to apply. We are torn over the 1983 advice for powdering one’s nose. We feel that anything that requires the opening of a compact and mirror at the table, is best left for another setting.

To Makeup or Not

Is it proper to touch up your shiny nose and your lipstick at the table when you're dining out?

Most etiquette experts say a discreet dab of powder and lipstick is fine and might even be a trace alluring, but a major repair job belongs in the ladies' room.

A subtle touch up of powder to take away face shine and freshening of lipstick does not mean adding lipliner, lip gloss and eye makeup, though. Remember, makeup should remain a mystery to the observer. – Desert Sun, 1983

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Political Wives of 1972

“Never let your picture be taken while holding a cocktail glass or a cigaret.” – From the same era, a retro 1970’s GOP Cookbook with a female elephant  chef gracing the cover. 

GOP Lessons in Etiquette for 1972

“Discriminate women never smoke on the street or when dancing; they never let a cigaret dangle from the lips or exhale through the nose.”

Those words of advice appear in a 10-page booklet written for the wives of Republican candidates running for congress. 

The booklet’s cover is illustrated with a picture of a girlish elephant wearing lipstick and a pantsuit and its contents include rules for lady-like behavior on the campaign trail.

Some of the tips offered are:

• “Never let your picture be taken while holding a cocktail glass or a cigaret.”
• “Gum chewing: Never!”
• “When your husband is speaking, watch him proudly.”
• “Never appear bored, even if you have heard the same speech repeatedly.”
• “A steely handshake is unlady-like.”

And finally, 

• “When the meeting starts, always bow your head and close your eyes for the entire invocation.” — The California Aggie, 1972

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Original Etiquette Influencers

Back when etiquette authorities were featured  “influencers” in print advertising — Etiquette advice from author, Lillian Eichler, in Lifebuoy Soap newspaper advertising in 1938. 

Personal Daintiness As Important As Good Manners, Says Authority

Lillian Eichler, author of famous New Book of Etiquette, warns women against carelessness

Good manners and personal carelessness simply do not go together, according to Lillian Eichler — long recognized as one of America's leading etiquette authorities.

No matter how charming and gracious a woman may be, how well she knows and understands the rules of good conduct if she is careless about her person, if she fails to keep herself fresh, dainty and absolutely beyond the possibility of offending — she can not be looked upon as socially acceptable.

“I have known women who destroyed every chance for social success by failing to realize this important fact,” says Miss Eichler. “I knew one woman who was perfectly beautiful and a brilliant conversationalist, but she was never really popular until she realized — to her great humiliation — what was wrong.”

The sad part about body odor is that so few people realize when they offend. According to Miss Eichler, a great number of really cultured men and women are guilty of this social taint. And as she points out, it is doubly unforgivable inasmuch as it is very well known that daily baths with Lifebuoy effectively stop body odor. That more and more people are beginning to recognize body odor as a social blunder is indicated by the result of surveys made by eight leading magazines. 

Thousands of women were questioned as to their soap preferences. Results show that more American women use Lifebuoy for the bath than any other soap. And Lifebuoy is also the No. 1 bath soap of men and children. 

It is now pretty generally known that no ordinary soap can stop body odor the way Lifebuoy does, for Lifebuoy contains an exclusive purifying ingredient not found in any other popular bath or toilet soap. Lifebuoy is famous for the complexion, too. Scientific tests on the skins of hundreds of women have proved it to be more than 20% milder than many so-called “beauty soaps” and “baby soaps.” — From National City Star News, 1938

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Ice Cream Etiquette and History

Ice cream in the gilded age was a delicious treat which called for either ice cream forks, for ice creams served with fruits or nuts in them, or, ice cream spoons, for creamier versions of the iced treats, sans any fruit or nuts bits and pieces.
Ice cream served at the dining table should be eaten slowly and savored. Never should ice cream be gulped or eaten in a rushed manner, especially at a dinner party.vIf one, however, is enjoying ice cream out in the summer heat, etiquette dictates and good manners are obvious; The frozen treat should be eaten quickly, before it winds up all over one’s clothes, hands or face!
Above, four gilded age ice cream spoons from 1880 – The ornate spoons with gilt bowls were made in sterling silver by the Whiting Manufacturing Company.

Ice cream is widely regarded as America's favorite dessert, and adds a happy, festive note to any occasion. In fact, ice cream and entertaining have been closely tied for centuries.

Since the origin of ice cream in 62 A.D., when the great feasts of Roman Emperors included snow flavored with fruit juices and honey, ice cream has been a favorite dessert for parties and entertaining. Subsequent anecdotes have been recorded throughout history.

In 1533 Catherine de Medici ordered a different ice cream flavor for each of the 34 days of festivities for her marriage to King Henry II.

Under Louis XIV's chef, Vatel, who was known for his creation of exotic dishes, creamy frozen desserts served at banquets reached a pinnacle of perfection.

By the end of the 18th century, the bombe glacée (ice cream molded in spherical shapes) had become the indispensable dessert at formal French banquets.

In our country, both Mrs. Alexander Hamilton and Dolly Madison helped popularize ice cream in high political circles. Strawberry ice cream was the highlight of James Madison's second inaugural ball. – National City Star News, 1986

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia