Spotlight on Gabriella Kanyok

                                

Meet our Contributor in the Spotlight for November, Gabriella Kanyok

Meet Gabriella Kanyok, a diplomatic protocol, etiquette and communication expert with more than 18 years of international experience working with EU institutions, NGOs, international organizations and professionals.

She advises and trains professionals, executives and representatives of international organizations in diplomatic protocol, business etiquette and cross-cultural communication. Her professional experience includes working with the European Parliament, diplomatic missions and international organizations.

Gabriella holds a Master’s degree in International Studies and a second Master’s degree in Protocol and Soft Diplomacy. She is the founder of Etiquette.hu and the creator of Mannersville – The City of Manners (Illemváros), an educational board game designed to develop children's social skills through play. She is also the creator of Calm Confidence, a specialised programme exploring etiquette, social awareness and practical communication for adults with ADHD and highly sensitive individuals.

She speaks Hungarian, English and French.

Below are links to Gabriella Kanyok’s articles on etiquette which you’ll find on Etiquipedia:

• Forest Visiting Etiquette
• Social Etiquette and Masked Messaging
• The United Nations’ White Chair
• Black Tie Etiquette
• The Etiquette of Smiles

The following is a Q&A with Gabriella:

What was the impetus for starting your Etiquette business or career involving Etiquette?

About 16 years ago, I recognised a significant gap in the availability of etiquette professionals, particularly in Europe and specifically in Hungary. While working at the European Parliament, I observed how customs and social expectations varied from one country to another. I realised that if etiquette—both general and international business etiquette—were more widely taught throughout Europe, it could greatly benefit professionals in their daily interactions.

Upon my return to Hungary, I served as a protocol officer at the Trade Office of the Embassy of the Republic of the Sudan in Budapest, where I became deeply involved in diplomatic protocol. This experience further highlighted the growing need for business etiquette and cross-cultural communication.

In 2017, I took a significant step by launching my business, Etiquette.hu, to share my knowledge and expertise in this essential field. Over time, my work has evolved beyond traditional etiquette training to include educational product development and specialized programs that explore how social awareness and communication can be applied in everyday life.

“It is particularly rewarding to see how small adjustments in communication or behavior can make a meaningful difference in people's professional and social interactions.” - Gabriella Kanyok

What do you find the most enjoyable about what you do with regard to Etiquette in your work?

During my studies for my second master's degree in diplomatic protocol, I developed a passion for table manners and the art of setting a table beautifully for different meals and occasions. What began as a professional interest has grown into a cherished hobby, allowing me to create diverse table settings and share them on my Instagram page and blog. A beautifully arranged table truly fills my heart with joy.

I also find great satisfaction in sharing my knowledge through real-life examples and stories from my own professional experiences. It is particularly rewarding to see how small adjustments in communication or behavior can make a meaningful difference in people's professional and social interactions.

I firmly believe that manners are always in style. Etiquette is not simply about following rules; it helps us protect the feelings of others, communicate more effectively, navigate cultural differences and make positive first impressions.


      

I find great satisfaction in sharing my knowledge through real-life examples, recounting stories of my own challenges and successes as I navigated my career. It’s rewarding to witness the transformations in others, especially when small adjustments in communication or behavior lead to significant outcomes, such as promotions or perfect dates.

What do you find the most rewarding aspect of your career regarding Etiquette?

The most rewarding aspect of my career is seeing people become more confident and capable in different social and professional situations. I particularly enjoy helping individuals refine their communication, professional presence and understanding of social expectations.

I find it especially meaningful when people begin to recognise that etiquette is not about perfection or rigid rules, but about understanding the situation, showing consideration and knowing how to respond appropriately.

I also enjoy sharing my passion for etiquette through educational content, writing and creative projects. Developing Mannersville, my educational board game, has given me the opportunity to introduce social skills and behavioural awareness to children in a playful and interactive way.

Ultimately, knowing that my work can help people communicate with greater confidence, consideration and social awareness is incredibly fulfilling.


                                

Proper etiquette not only aids in securing jobs and promotions but also fosters strong relationships within the workplace. 

What types of classes or training do you offer, if any? If you don’t offer classes or training, how do you share your expertise?

I offer a diverse range of training programmes, workshops and educational initiatives that explore etiquette, social intelligence and communication across different age groups and professional settings.

My work includes Business Etiquette and Diplomatic Protocol, supporting professionals, executives and organisations in navigating international business environments, formal occasions and cross-cultural interactions. I also deliver tailored corporate training, private consultations and workshops on international dining etiquette, professional conduct and effective social communication.

Alongside my professional training programmes, I have developed two distinctive initiatives.

Mannersville – The City of Manners (Illemváros) is my original educational board game, designed to help children develop social skills, communication and everyday behavioural awareness through play. It offers an interactive, discussion-based approach to learning, making etiquette accessible and engaging for children, families and educational institutions.

Calm Confidence is a specialised programme designed for adults with ADHD and highly sensitive individuals. It explores how etiquette, social awareness and practical communication strategies can support greater confidence and ease in everyday social and professional situations. The programme draws on my experience in etiquette and behavioural communication, with a particular focus on navigating social expectations without losing one's individuality.

I also share my expertise through articles, interviews, educational content, professional presentations and social media. My approach combines practical knowledge, international experience and real-life examples, with the belief that etiquette is not simply about following rules, but about understanding people, situations and the impact of our behaviour.
                           

“Mannersville,” Gabriella’s board game 

—Photo courtesy of index.hu

What age group do you enjoy working with most when it comes to etiquette? And why?

I particularly enjoy working with adolescents and young adults, especially young professionals, as they begin their educational and professional journeys. This is a pivotal stage in life when communication habits, social awareness and professional behaviour can have a lasting impact.

At the same time, developing Mannersville has opened up another important dimension of my work: introducing social skills and everyday manners to younger children. I believe that the foundations of respectful communication and consideration for others can be developed from an early age, especially when learning is interactive and enjoyable.

Working with different age groups allows me to explore how etiquette can be adapted to people's needs and everyday situations, while remaining relevant throughout life.

Who are some of the older etiquette authors or authorities you enjoy reading most?

I greatly admire established etiquette authors and authorities whose insights resonate with my own values in the field. I also find the resources available through Etiquipedia invaluable.

I believe that learning from colleagues in the etiquette community is essential. While there are general guidelines that govern etiquette, each of us brings a unique perspective shaped by our professional background, cultural environment and personal experiences. This diversity enriches our understanding and helps us all grow in this ever-evolving field.

If you would like to reach Gabriella, you can contact her via her website https://www.etiquette.hu/en/ or find her on Instagram @kgetiquette

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Halloween Etiquette Over 65 Years

“There is a fine line between mooching and trick-or-treating. Teenagers who walk around the block with no costumes, but claim to be a “teenager” for Halloween: moochers. Those who put much thought into their costumes and then stroll around the block and are under the age of 15: valid trick-or-treaters.” —Enterprise, 2003

Halloween Etiquette

Q. — When receiving an invitation to a Halloween party, and the hostess requests one to come in costume, is it necessary to comply ? 

A. —Yes; it would be rude not to come in a costume if requested to do so. — By Roberta Lee, 1938

How Old is Too Old?

Dear Bessabel: I am a 13-year old boy and am in the eighth grade at school. My problem is that I want to go out “trick or treating” on Halloween night but my parents think I am too old. What do you think? — Haunted Henry 

Dear Henry: Sometimes I have to agree with parents and this is one of those times. Why don't you gather your gang and give a Halloween party at your house? You could bob for apples in the bathtub, build a bonfire for weiner roasting on the patio, and give prizes for the craziest costume. This business of growing up can, at times, be a painful process. Especially when we have to give up things like ‘trick or treating,’ the tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny, and Santa Claus. — By Bessabel in Teen Time, 1958

No Masquerade Mooching

Halloween is for costumed kids, get over it. Those who walk around without costumes should not be awarded the gift of free candy. There is a fine line between mooching and trick-or-treating. Teenagers who walk around the block with no costumes, but claim to be a “teenager” for Halloween: moochers. Those who put much thought into their costumes and then stroll around the block and are under the age of 15: valid trick-or-treaters. If you are old enough to work, you are old enough to share the wealth with those who are younger than you. You are also old enough to buy your own candy. When people run out of candy because of moochers, children go home unhappy. This is the last thing you would want to do to a Halloween-bound child. Then again it could be worse.

It seems that there has been a growing epidemic among houses around town...the “light shut-off.” The amount of dark homes is something to frown upon. It is understandable if one has an ailment or if someone has died, but those are pretty much the only exceptions. In any other case, you must dish out an assortment of candy. Yes, an assortment it's so vanilla to pass out just one type of candy. Then there is candy corn, and other unwrapped goodies. If you do not already know, those are not allowed. Any good parent would throw those out since they are unsafe. So, it does not matter how good your homemade rice krispie treats are, save them for your own kids.

When giving out candy, please do not be a scrooge. By this I mean those who feel that one mini-snicker per child is plenty. I understand that the possibility of running out of candy and being a "light shutter-offer" is a real concern. A bag of assorted Halloween candy usually runs about $3.00, which is not so much to spend when taking in account the purpose: the contentment of our neigh- borhood children. Your neighbors did it for you when you were a teeny trick-or-treater, now is your time to do the same. So step up to the plate and mind your Halloween etiquette! — Editorial in “Experience,” October 2003

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

French vs American Etiquette

In France, olives and potato chips are finger foods only if they are taken at a buffet meal. If they are served at dinner, they must be eaten with a fork. Here we consider potato chips finger food unless they become gravy soaked on a dinner plate; then they must be eaten with a fork. Olives which are served in a condiment dish, are taken and eaten with the fingers. However, if olives are part of a salad, they are eaten with a fork, for they will have become covered with dressing.— Photo of two, Gilded Age, Saratoga Chip servers, from “What Have We Here?: The Etiquette and Essentials of Lives Once Lived, from the Georgian Era through the Gilded Age and Beyond...”

The French magazine, “Réalités” which has a fairly small but avid group of subscribers in this country (it’s published in French and English) has just had an amusing and instructive article called, “The French Have a Word For It — L’Etiquette.” French etiquette, it develops, is much more complex than our own and in many ways differs completely from ours. For example, in France it is bad form to take carnations to your hostess, for some people - in France at least - think carnations are bad luck. This seems strange, for some of the very best French perfumes have the strong, spicy odor of carnations.

In France a butler never says, “Dinner is served;” he says, instead, “Madame is served.” Also, in France no woman has her chair pushed in for her unless there is a butler. It is his responsibility, and his alone, to perform this act for a woman guest. Here, of course, the gentleman on the lady’s right performs this courtesy for her.

In France it is improper for a guest to ask for the bread, but vital for the hostess to remember to offer it.

THE FRENCH consider it rude for people not to clean up everything on their plates, but portions therefore are small. In this country it used to be considered good manners (in Victorian days) for gentle people to leave a little of every thing on their plates - evidently to indicate that they were not greedy. Today we serve modest portions, and it is no longer considered necessary to “leave a little” just for the sake of courtesy, but if we do not wish to eat everything on our plates, we don't have to.

In France, it is a faux pas to cut lettuce. However, here we cut lettuce if cutting is necessary, otherwise we eat it with a fork. Crisp iceberg lettuce, for example, served in a quarter head with Russian dressing can hardly be eaten with a fork alone.

In France, olives and potato chips are finger foods only if they are taken at a buffet meal. If they are served at dinner, they must be eaten with a fork. Here we consider potato chips finger food unless they become gravy soaked on a dinner plate; then they must be eaten with a fork. Olives which are served in a condiment dish, are taken and eaten with the fingers. However, if olives are part of a salad, they are eaten with a fork, for they will have become covered with dressing.

In France, you don't eat a banana with your fingers, although you peel it with them and then you cut it into manageable pieces, with your fruit knife and eat them with the fork.

Asparagus etiquette has undergone a delicate change in France. You eat the tender tips with your fork, after which you now may take the stalk in your fingers. In this country, we do it both ways either eat all of the asparagus with a fork or take up the whole stalk with the fingers. The Dutch and the Germans are more forthright in the eating of asparagus; they pick the stalks up in the fingers even when the asparagus has a sauce. This is quite correct here, but must be done with finesse.—Amy Vanderbilt for Santa Barbara News Press, 1960

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Smoking Etiquette Out in Nature

The urbanite should know that it is wrong to throw down a lighted match or cigarette out in nature quite as well as he knows that he must not throw tin cans and old clothing into the street at home. He should learn the etiquette of the forest as he does that of the drawing-room. 

                                      

Again the Careless Smoker

It is too bad that there is not some way to train the urbanite in the rules of the outdoors and the campfire, just as he must learn, for the safety of life and property, the traffic and sanitation laws of the city. He should know that it is wrong to throw down a lighted match or cigarette in the forest quite as well as he knows that he must not throw tin cans and old clothing into the street at home. He should learn the etiquette of the forest as he does that of the drawing-room. 

In both cases, certain things are or are not done by those who know. The smoker would not throw his match or cigarette stub, or empty his pipe ashes, on his host's rug or table cover. That would be a gross violation of social custom and, besides it might damage the furnishings. That same smoker, though, will toss a burning match or knock the ashes from his pipe on the floor of his host, the forest, whence it endangers not only property worth millions but human lives as well, without thought of the consequences. — Inyo Independent, 1923

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and the Royal Martinet

It is reported that the Princess entered the drawing-room in the evening to await dinner, dressed in a most lovely crimson velvet gown, with crimson silk hose to match. The Queen, happening to spy the Princess’ feet, said: “Do you not know that colored stockings are not permitted in my presence? Go to your room at once and change your stockings.” And so the poor Princess came down to dinner in a crimson velvet dress, wearing white stockings. — 
A formal portrait of Queen Victoria, taken in 1882 , courtesy of Wikipedia

                              

The Queen as a Martinet

(Martinet definition: A martinet is a person who demands strict, rigid obedience to rules and orders, often even when those rules are unnecessary or unreasonable.)

The court etiquette has grown more rigid and inflexible during these months of increasing morbidness, and soon, it is feared, the Queen will be as far removed from her people as a Chinese Emperor. She carries out her willful insistance upon etiquette in every least detail, and even when it concerns her own children and grandchildren.

When the Princess Louise returned from Canada and arrived at Windsor, she was kept waiting until she had changed her attire and until the Queen sent word that she was prepared to receive her. It is reported that the Princess entered the drawing-room in the evening to await dinner, dressed in a most lovely crimson velvet gown, with crimson silk hose to match. The Queen, happening to spy the Princess’ feet, said: “Do you not know that colored stockings are not permitted in my presence? Go to your room at once and change your stockings.” And so the poor Princess came down to dinner in a crimson velvet dress, wearing white stockings.

Not one of the royal children ever visited the Queen except by special and formal invitation. Her Majesty appoints the hour for her own children to come and for them to go. One can imagine the unnaturalness of such a household. The Prince consort was stately, but he was a genial, happy, mirth-loving gentleman. He was the most affectionate husband and father, and no royal etiquette ever stood in the way of his fine German heartiness. Since his death his children have had no parental companionship, and they are as far removed from the Queen as though they never had been born of her.

It is well known that the Prince of Wales has very great influence with his mother and is personally deeply attached to her. He was a constant companion of his father, and he quite remembers how his father managed the Queen in the old days. The Prince is said to be the most charming in his relations to his mother, and is always upon his most beautiful manners in her presence. He at times does approach her with great affection and even tenderness of feeling and demonstration. — Correspondence Chicago Tribune, 1883

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Runway Etiquette

DO: Arrive early and follow your designated check-in procedures. VIP and media guests often have separate lines and priority admission, followed by standard and general admission. 

Good Manners Are Always in Fashion

Last Saturday, I had the pleasure of attending Los Angeles Fashion Week. While the collections commanded attention, I found myself observing something beyond the runway: the etiquette of the audience. 

From seating arrangements to personal conversations, it was a reminder that fashion can be on display, but so are our manners. 

Let's walk through the do's and don'ts of runway etiquette. 

1. THE ARRIVAL

DO: Arrive early and follow your designated check-in procedures. VIP and media guests often have separate lines and priority admission, followed by standard and general admission.

DON'T: Assume your outfit grants you VIP access. Respect the event staff and your ticket designation.

2. SIT CONSIDERATELY

DO: Remain in your assigned seat. Fold your jacket neatly across your lap and tuck your purse beneath your chair, keeping walkways clear.

DON'T: Occupy another guest's seat with your belongings or allow your handbag to spill into your neighbor's personal space.

3. LEGS & POSTURE

DO: Sit upright with your knees together. If crossing your legs, a graceful cross at the ankles keeps your feet from extending into the runway or your neighbor's space.

DON'T: Extend your legs into the aisle, block the runway, or invade another guest's seating area.

4. PERSONAL BELONGINGS

DO: Keep water bottles, beverages, and personal belongings securely within your designated space.

DON'T: Place drinks or belongings near the runway where they could spill, create a hazard, or interfere with the models.

5. PHONES & PHOTOGRAPHY

DO: Silence your phone and remain attentive throughout the presentation. Take photographs discreetly when permitted.

DON'T: Use flash photography, obstruct another guest's view, or spend the entire show scrolling through personal messages and social media.

6. MIND YOUR MANNERS

DO: Give the presentation your attention. Cover your mouth discreetly when yawning or coughing, and keep conversations for before or after the show.

DON'T: Talk, laugh loudly, or engage in distracting behavior while models are presenting a designer's collection.

7. RESPECT THE RUNWAY

DO: Remain seated, respect the models' space, and applaud at appropriate moments, particularly during the designer's finale.

DON'T: Step onto the runway, interrupt the presentation, or approach models for photographs.


THE FINAL WALK

Attending a fashion show is more than an opportunity to admire beautiful clothing. It's an opportunity to demonstrate courtesy, consideration, and respect for the artistry before us.

After all, style is what you wear. Etiquette is how you carry yourself.

Countributor Eileen Copeland is the founder of Southern California Etiquette™, a modern etiquette and social refinement platform which explores dining culture, hosting, presentation, and contemporary social behavior. A native Southern Californian, Eileen's background includes executive and personal assisting, real estate, wellness, modeling, beauty, and luxury client services. Married for over 15 years, Eileen is a mother of two and grandmother of two, whose broad experiences, including living internationally for nearly a decade, helped shape her appreciation for culture, hospitality, and refined living. She shares life with her husband, her mini Goldendoodle, Teddy, her poodle, Cali and Luna, her sphynx cat, while continuing her etiquette studies under mentor Maura Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette.

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette: A Social Currency

Etiquette is at its most basic the rules accepted as good manners and social skills. It is responding to an invitation promptly. It is showing appreciation for someone else’s graciousness or assistance. It is showing up on time and being dressed appropriately for a given event. It is about not embarrassing someone else or gossiping about others. It is a firm, but friendly, handshake and smile. It is many times about one’s character.

Does Etiquette Have a White Stigma?

In the minority world, sadly the word “Etiquette’ does not often translate as ‘necessary social skills’ or ‘social graces for everyone,’ but more as something showing off someone’s whiteness and assumed financial status. It has become an all too often experience that I need to explain a few truths about living a well-mannered life. 

Etiquette is at its most basic the rules accepted as good manners and social skills. It is responding to an invitation promptly. It is showing appreciation for someone else’s graciousness or assistance. It is showing up on time and being dressed appropriately for a given event. It is about not embarrassing someone else or gossiping about others. It is a firm, but friendly, handshake and smile. It is many times about one’s character. 

Etiquette can make a big difference in whether one will be accepted or not in a new school or employment environment. Knowledge of etiquette opens doors and helps build friendships. My family was not wealthy, nor did I live around affluent people, however I learned important social graces from my grandmother. “Head up, shoulders back”. I could still hear her voice correcting my posture every time I corrected my children when they were young. 

Many of her lessons and behaviors I learned from her as a young adult, made me realize that knowledge of etiquette and good manners are much like a social ‘currency,’ of sorts. They open doors to exclusive clubs, opportunities and strong friendships. They open up a world in which others trade in the same pleasing social currency. 

For the majority of my life I have been told I was “acting white” or “trying to be white.” One quote I heard too often was, “You’re acting bougie,” all because my vocabulary consisted of ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’ ‘may I,’ ‘yes, ma’am,’ ‘yes, sir’ and much more. I had no idea that many heads of households in my community, which was heavily saturated with minorities from humble beginnings, were not always raising their children with the same knowledge of social graces, understanding of social choreography, graceful femininity or chivalric masculinity, as my siblings and I were.

Etiquette is universal. The truth is that it needs to be introduced to children and adults of all nationalities and ethnicities, from all walks of life, early on in life. Even babies born with gilded spoons in their mouths, I am certain, needed etiquette training to be accepted in their corners of the world. We all do. It’s never too late to benefit from workshops and training if you were not as fortunate as I was growing up. It’s time to embrace, enjoy and live life. Why not be poised while doing it? 

Etiquette unfortunately has to lose the ‘white’ stigma attached to it in minority communities. No particular race or ‘color’ invented manners! Forks were invented in Africa. Some of the earliest writings on diplomacy were written in Egypt. Confucius wrote about the necessity of manners in China as early as 500 BCE. Good manners are expected and accepted throughout the world. Every society needs them to exist. 

It’s time that we enrich our lives with the knowledge of Etiquette. We people of color have to put the false pride down and learn how to walk into any room with dignity, good posture and grace. It is time we learn to command an unfamiliar room with well-honed social skills and leave a positive impression any time we make our graceful exits. We all have to eat. Let’s all do it with impressive table manners!

Countributor Eileen Copeland is the founder of Southern California Etiquette™, a modern etiquette and social refinement platform which explores dining culture, hosting, presentation, and contemporary social behavior. A native Southern Californian, Eileen’s background includes executive and personal assisting, real estate, wellness, modeling, beauty, and luxury client services. Married for over 15 years, Eileen is a mother of two and grandmother of two, whose broad experiences, including living internationally for nearly a decade, helped shape her appreciation for culture, hospitality, and refined living. She shares life with her husband, her mini Goldendoodle, Teddy, and Luna, her sphynx cat, while continuing her etiquette studies under mentor Maura Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette.

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Restaurant’s Who’s Who

The Waiter: Fulfills the same function as the captain in less formal restaurants, minus the oversight of other tables, which is left to a floor manager.

A 2nd  Debut article from 2020

Here are the key positions you’ll find at most upscale restaurants. The more formal the restaurant, the more people you can expect to see milling about the dining room. The terms may vary by restaurant.

Host or hostess: Greets guests and, depending on the restaurant, may also take reservations. The host usually handles walk-ins and helps with seating at the bar and with taking items to coat check.

General manager (G.M.): The G.M. oversees all restaurant operations that don’t fall under the executive chef’s purview — from budget to staffing and service issues. Generally, the G.M. works in an office, but he or she can often be seen pinch-hitting in the dining room.

Maître d’: From the French maître d’hôtel (“master of the house”). The maître d’ oversees the seating chart, making sure VIPs get the best servers and choice tables. He greets guests upon arrival (sometimes getting a monied handshake) and ensures smooth table flow. If a table lingers too long, for example, it’s the maître d’s job to tactfully offer those guests a drink at the bar. Depending on the size of the restaurant, the maître d’ sometimes doubles as floor manager.

Floor manager: A catch-all position overseeing the dining room and perhaps fulfilling the duties of a maître d’ or captain at restaurants that don’t have them.

Captain: Oversees several tables in a section of the restaurant and has a team of staffers (front waiters, runners, back waiters, bus people) at his disposal. He stays in the dining room, making sure everyone in his section is having a smooth dining experience. He greets the table; takes appetizer, entrée, dessert and coffee orders; and “drops” the check. He is also in charge of pacing the meal so that entrees don’t arrive when you’re halfway through your starter. At restaurants with table-side service, the captain is responsible for flourishes such as filleting fish or carving fowl. The position exists in the most formal New York restaurants (Per Se, Daniel and Le Bernadin) and Providence and Craft in L.A.

Waiter: Fulfills the same function as the captain in less formal restaurants, minus the oversight of other tables, which is left to a floor manager.

Front waiter: The liaison between the kitchen and the waiter, he also assists the waiter or captain with wine and beverage service and helps “mark” or set the table before each course

Sommelier or wine director: Assists guests with food and wine pairings, tactfully gauging what the guests will want to spend. He also typically purchases wine for the restaurant, arranges staff tastings and assembles the wine list.

Maître fromager: If the restaurant has a substantial cheese selection, chances are it also has a master of cheese. He presents cheeses at the table and serves them, making suggestions when appropriate about wine pairings. He also cares for the cheeses, keeping them at the right temperature and aiming for peak ripeness. There are only a handful in L.A., at restaurants such as Spago.

Runner: Responsible for bringing dishes from the kitchen to the table. Using table positions (provided by the waiter), the runner drops dishes in front of the appropriate guests.

Back waiter/bus person: Responsible for “table maintenance”: refilling water glasses and coffee cups, clearing finished dishes, crumbing the table.

— By Restaurant Critic and Author, Pascale Le Draoulec, 2007

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia