Less “Professional Etiquette” Please!

There is one respect in which I think the medical profession needs a good overhauling. I refer to some of the conventions that go under the head of professional etiquette.

CAN’T WE HAVE A LITTLE LESS? 

There are certain things for which I deeply admire the members of the medical profession, — their self sacrifice and courage in times of epidemic and the vast amount of charity work they do. There is one respect in which I think the medical profession needs a good overhauling. I refer to some of the conventions that go under the head of professional etiquette.“Why,” says a friend of mine, “do you have such faith in doctors? They aren't always right. They can’t be. And they don’t have to be, either. They don’t have half the incentive men in other jobs have to be right because it’s professional etiquette that one doctor shall not say anything about another doctor’s work. 

“If a lawyer, or an architect, or a manufacturer makes some big mistake people know about it and he gets come up with. So he’s everlastingly careful to make as few mistakes as possible. But if a doctor makes mistakes, all the rest of the profession are supposed to help him cover them up so he will help them when they make mistakes.” Of course that’s putting the ease pretty harshly. But there is some reason for his strong feeling, surely. 

A doctor told me the other day of a patient who was brought to him for his eyes in a frightful condition which at once made him suspect some serious trouble with the ductless glands. “It was against professional etiquette,” he said, “but when I found that the doctor was treating her for some other trouble altogether I felt so badly for the family that I couldn’t help suggesting they get a specialist on glands.” They got such a specialist and the boy who had been on the verge of idiocy was restored to normality. “Most doctors,” he said, “wouldn’t have done that because it was against professional etiquette.” In other words, professional etiquette would have bade them see the child become an idiot rather than interfere. 

In the story of hospital life by an author who has good reason to know whereof she writes, the hospital staff stand by and sec a child in the hospital slowly dying for lack of an operation just because he is the patient of an old school doctor who does not believe in that operation and it is not their place, in spite of all their knowledge of modern methods, to urge it. In the story, an accident makes the doctor realize his mistake and the child is saved by the operation. 

Professional etiquette used to forbid any doctor to tell his women patients the terrible why of some of their unnecessary suffering and individualism, I am thankful to say, there is a swing away from that convention. In these days the very poor and the very rich get the best medical attention because the very poor are given it free at clinics and public hospitals where the greatest men in their profession give their time; and the very rich can pay for it. 

But I have heard it stated on good authority that the verv poor are more fortunate than the very rich. Why? Because the fact that the rich can pay so much makes doctors careful about trespassing on each other’s territory. More professional etiquette and, for once, it is the rich who suffer. Of course, professional etiquette has many usages. Without it we shall doubtless have many evils that it prevents. But it does seem to me that if it were somewhat modified the public would be better off. — From “Ruth Cameron’s Side Talks,” The Riverside Daily Press, 1922

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Early 19th C. Etiquette in Prussia

The Prussian government authorized the rigid prohibition of  the wearing of corsets during daily gymnastic exercises.

ETIQUETTE IN PRUSSIA

Government Rules That Station Master Should Salute Women Subordinates First

 A 2nd Debut Article from 2016

By Associated Press. BERLIN, Oct. 21.— Among the odd decisions published today Is that of the Prussian Railway Administration on a point of etiquette advanced by a station master on the Lower Rhine, who asked for a ruling as to whether the young women subordinates in his office should not recognize him first on the street instead of waiting to be saluted according to the prevailing customs. The government directed the station master to salute first. The principal of the girls’ high school at Saarbruecken inquired of the provincial government if she has authorized to forbid the young women to wear corsets during gymnastic exercises. The government authorized their rigid prohibition.- Los Angeles Herald, 1905

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1940’s Codes of Student’s Etiquette

“Reading the code brought to my mind what the high school girl had observed.” — Katherine Virginia Sinks, 1944

Observations a young high school miss made in my hearing on the marks of a well-bred youth, are echoed in the code of etiquette for youth compiled by a Dean of Women in an eastern college. Reading the code brought to my mind what the high school girl had observed. And her observations are what interested me in the Dean’s code. 

They practically agree, so I won’t identify their views, but quote them anonymously. “Kindness and consideration for others is the basis of all etiquette.” “He should know how to make correct introductions, must know correct table etiquette and should be neat and well-dressed in appearance.” “He should walk correctly with a girl so that she will not be criticized.” 

And quoting from the West Point code of etiquette, “Nothing so quickly discloses the presence or absence of breeding in a man as does his attitude toward women.” “The home is the true test of etiquette and courtesy. “True breeding is shown in the why a man treats the women who love him.” — From Log Of Life, By Katherine Virginia Sinks, for the San Pedro News Pilot, 1944

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Spotlight on Eileen Copeland

Meet Etiquette Coach and Etiquipedia Contributor, Eileen Copeland, Founder of Southern California Etiquette

Eileen is the founder of Southern California Etiquette, a modern etiquette and social refinement platform which explores dining culture, hosting, presentation, and contemporary social behavior. 

A native Southern Californian, Eileen’s background includes executive and personal assisting, real estate, wellness, modeling, beauty, and luxury client services. 

Married for over 15 years, Eileen is a mother of two and grandmother of two, whose broad experiences, including living internationally for nearly a decade, helped shape her appreciation for culture, hospitality, and refined living. She shares life with her husband, her mini Goldendoodle, Teddy, and Luna, her sphynx cat.

Below are links to a few of Eileen’s articles on etiquette that you’ll find on Etiquipedia:

Top 10 Rules of BBQ Etiquette
Thoughts on Introduction Etiquette
Early Black-American Etiquette
When Tech and Old Etiquette Intersect

Eileen says, “Good manners are not about being better than someone else—they're about helping others feel valued, respected, and welcome.”

The following is a Q. & A. with Eileen:

What was the impetus for starting your Etiquette business?

I started Southern California Etiquette because I believe good manners are one of the greatest gifts we can give the next generation. Etiquette isn't about social status—it's about respect, kindness, and consideration. My mission is to help children build confidence early while teaching that good character never goes out of style.

2. What do you enjoy teaching the most regarding Etiquette?

I enjoy teaching children social skills and dining manners the most. They are eager to learn and genuinely excited to practice what they've been taught.

Eileen was inspired by HBO’s, “The Gilded Age,” to research more on Black Americans in the Gilded Age. Her research has led her to several authors’ works. “I enjoy studying etiquette through many different voices and historical perspectives. I'm especially inspired by the work of Edward S. Green, one of the earliest Black etiquette authors, whose 1899 book The Complete Manners of Polite Society highlighted the importance of courtesy, dignity, and self-respect.” — Above, Eileen modeling gilded age attire. 

3. What do you find rewarding about teaching Etiquette?

Seeing confidence grow is the most rewarding part. Whether it's introducing themselves with confidence, practicing good table manners, or communicating respectfully, students gain life skills they will carry with them for years to come. Watching them realize that small acts of respect and kindness can make a big difference. That is incredibly rewarding!

4. What types of classes do you offer?

My primary focus is children’s etiquette education, including everyday manners, dining etiquette, communication skills, confidence, and social etiquette. I also offer classes for teens, adults, businesses, schools, community organizations, and private groups.

Teaching respect, empathy, and confidence at an early age is vital, and allows them to build a strong foundation for every stage of life.

5. What age group do you enjoy working with most? And why?

Children are my favorite age group because the lessons they learn today become the habits they carry into adulthood. Teaching respect, empathy, and confidence at an early age is vital, and allows them to build a strong foundation for every stage of life.

6. Who are some of the older etiquette authors or authorities you enjoy reading?

I enjoy studying etiquette through many different voices and historical perspectives. I'm especially inspired by the work of Edward S. Green, one of the earliest Black etiquette authors, whose 1899 book The Complete Manners of Polite Society highlighted the importance of courtesy, dignity, and self-respect.

I'm also grateful to study under Maura J. Graber, whose passion for etiquette history and education continues to inspire my own work. And, of course, Emily Post remains one of the most influential authorities whose timeless principles continue to shape etiquette today.

As I continue my own journey as an etiquette writer, I hope to help preserve history while making etiquette approachable and meaningful for future generations. Good manners are not about being better than someone else—they're about helping others feel valued, respected, and welcome.

To learn more about Eileen and her services, you can reach her via her website https://southerncaliforniaetiquette.com/

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Godparents and Gifts

The most sensible plan for choosing a Christening gift, and, in fact, in all gift making, “is to consult the condition of the recipient as well as the purse of the-319- giver. If the parental purse is a little slim, gifts that are useful are generally the best to give. Dainty gowns, embroidered flannels, coach rugs, things that every baby needs.”

 

Godfathers and Godmothers

In selecting godparents or sponsors, relatives are often given precedence and very close friends come next. Be careful in the choice, as from these godparents is to be expected much good counsel and kindly aid in the future. In all old countries this relationship is expected to last for a lifetime, and the godparents are supposed to watch over the religious growth of the child and see that in due time he is brought forward for confirmation, or for union with the church in some other manner.

A boy is expected to have two godfathers and one godmother; a girl one godfather and two godmothers. A note is sent to each person selected as sponsor asking him to assume that friendly office. This request should never be refused except for good and sufficient reason.

Godparents usually make a present to the child, generally in the form of some suitable silver article. Among the very wealthy, especially if the child bears the godfather's name, very valuable presents are often made, these generally taking the form of checks for large amounts.

Christening Gifts

When the announcement cards of a baby's birth are sent out, very many friends of the family interpret this as an opportunity for making a present to the new arrival. This is not a new social custom, for its origin goes back to the time of the Chaldean shepherds, when wise men of the East journeyed to the stable cradle to present their gifts of frankincense and myrrh.

The most sensible plan in this case, and, in fact, in all gift making, is to consult the condition of the recipient as well as the purse of the-319- giver. If the parental purse is a little slim, gifts that are useful are generally the best to give. Dainty gowns, embroidered flannels, coach rugs, things that every baby needs.

The least expensive and simplest gifts and always of use, are the lace pin, shoulder pin and chained buttons in gold. Three pins connected by delicate gold chains are very much in demand, and a studding of turquoise of pearl adds much to their beauty. The dear little silver-backed brushes and powder boxes have always been favorites.

One exquisite present from a point of sentiment and value was recently presented to a girl. Each of her father's groomsmen sent a five-dollar gold piece to the goldsmith, who melted them down and transformed them into a gold chain and locket. The locket bore the monogram of the baby and the initial letter of each groomsman's name. — From Maude C. Cooke’s “Social Life or The Manners and Customs of Polite Society,” 1896

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Christening Etiquette

“If the occasion is to be further celebrated by festivities at the house they may take whatever form is most agreeable. When the christening is held at the house and guests are invited, it is customary to defer the ceremony until the mother is ready to take the part of hostess; usually until the child is a month or six weeks old.” — Above, a Post WWI Christening depicted on “Downton Abbey,” — Image source, Pinterest

The Christening

The baptism or christening is performed according to the rites of whatever church the parents may be members of. If the ceremony is performed in church, personal fancy has very little play, though it is almost a law that flowers shall cluster about the place where little ones are brought for dedication.

If the occasion is to be further celebrated by festivities at the house they may take whatever form is most agreeable. When the christening is held at the house and guests are invited, it is customary to defer the ceremony until the mother is ready to take the part of hostess; usually until the child is a month or six weeks old.

Invitations are issued for an afternoon or early evening reception. They may be written or engraved, and are issued in the name of both parents, thus: Mr. and Mrs. James Gray request the pleasure of your presence at the Christening of their son at half-past four o'clock, Wednesday, May tenth. 12 Madison Avenue.

Or: Mr. and Mrs. John Thurston request the honor of Mr. and Mrs. Brown's presence at the Christening of their daughter on Thursday, May 11th, at three o'clock. Reception from two to five, 150 Delaware Place. Sometimes the words, "No presents expected," are added to the invitation.

Attendance at the Ceremony

These invitations are promptly answered, and those who attend should wear a reception dress. The solemnity of the occasion should be recognized by the appearance, previous to the hour named, of all who expect to be present. Those who cannot be in time to witness the ceremony should defer their arrival until a sufficient time has elapsed to allow of its completion.

A temporary font is placed in a central position. This is best arranged by banking up the top of a small round table with mosses, smilax and delicate ferns, while the top, outside the rim of the bowl holding the china basin containing the water, is a mass of white flowers.

The drawing-room may be decorated with blossoms, and vocal or instrumental music is usually provided. Hired musicians are sometimes engaged. See that the selections are suitable to the sacred character of the occasion. Friends are sometimes asked to give two or three vocal selections.

At the appointed time the father and mother stand before the clergyman at the font and receive their child from the nurse or some friend; the godparents range themselves on either side, and the clergyman proceeds with the service. If the parents are able, the clergyman is usually given a handsome fee on these occasions.

Congratulations are offered the father and mother, and the baby, robed elaborately, then becomes the center of attraction for a few moments, until the host leads the way to the refreshment table which is bountifully spread as for a reception.

A toast in the child's honor is often given at this time by one of the sponsors. Guests shortly disperse. After calls are made, or cards left, within ten days. Sometimes relatives only are invited to these parties. When the christening is held in church, the party is set for some hour of the same day.— From Maude C. Cooke’s “Social Life or The Manners and Customs of Polite Society,” 1896

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age “Etiquette Instructresses”

Carrie Coon’s “Bertha Russell” explains to the visiting Duke how SHE would have hostessed this “Ducal Dinner,” on HBO’s, “The Gilded Age”

 Preceptresses of Etiquette 

Sometimes the etiquette of European countries sorely puzzles the American woman of means when she contemplates a foreign tour or is about to receive in her home some distinguished foreigner. Other women of superior social station, but less wealth, profit by instructing them in the various points. These instructresses are usually women who have lived abroad in former days of affluence. Their position is analogous to that of Dickens’ celebrated Mrs. General. —Morning Tribune, 1904

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Caudle Party Etiquette

According to Encyclopedia Brittanica, a candle cup was originally a “small, two-handled silver cup, usually with a cover, originally made in England during the second half of the 17th century and possibly used for caudle—warm ale or wine mixed with bread or gruel, eggs, sugar, and spices—which was administered to women after childbirth and to convalescents.” By the gilded age in the late 19th century, “Caudle Parties” were a modern nod to days of old. No “administering” was needed. —The Holyoke Caudle Cup, silver c. 1690, by John Coney, Fogg Art Museum … Exhibit in the Fogg Art Museum, Harvard University, Cambridge, Massachusetts, USA. This artwork is in the public domain because the artist died more than 70 years ago.

The modern caudle party is given when the child is about six weeks old, and is quite a separate affair from the Christening, the church having objected in some cases to having the two celebrated at the same time. Caudle parties, simply in the nature of a name-festival, are frequently given when the Christening is not observed.

Invitations are sent out one week in advance, and are in the following form: Mr. and Mrs. Brown request your company, Wednesday afternoon, at three. Caudle. 125 Vancouver Street. No presents expected.

The words, “no presents,” need not prevent any who wish from making a gift, but relieves those who may not be prepared.

The phrase, “Caudle Party,” is somewhat difficult to define, but the name and the custom have come down from olden times. It used then to be the habit to serve all who called with inquiries and congratulations on the arrival of a little stranger, with a kind of spiced gruel, flavored with rum or Madeira, and known as “caudle.” This was served in china cups having two handles, so they could be passed from one to another. These were called “caudle cups,” and are much prized heirlooms in more than one old family. This ceremony was then observed when the child was three days old; now the “candle party” is celebrated when it is at least six weeks old.

The mother receives her guests in some elaborate house gown, the baby in robes of state is on exhibition for a short time, and the guests are served with “ caudle” in the form of an oatmeal gruel, long and slowly boiled with raisins and spices, and fine old Madeira or rum added at the last until the beverage is “to the Queen's taste.”— From Maude C. Cooke’s “Social Life or The Manners and Customs of Polite Society,” 1896

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia