Japan’s Chopstick Etiquette Dilemma

Did you know? In Japan, fewer and fewer people know how to use chopsticks properly each year. For example, according to a government food culture survey conducted in 2010, only 54.2% of people 18 and older hold chopsticks correctly.

Chopsticks. In the modern world, depending on tradition, people eat with their hands, utensils, and chopsticks. Since I live in Japan, I'd like to talk about a specialty of table etiquette: chopsticks. 

I'd like to point out that there's an International Chopsticks Day, celebrated on February 6th. This day symbolizes the appreciation of this ancient Asian utensil. 

Chopsticks originated in China around 5,000 years ago, and the tradition later spread to Japan, Korea, and Vietnam. The festival aims to promote East Asian food culture, develop fine motor skills, and highlight the convenience of using chopsticks.

About 30% of the world's population uses chopsticks. They are a very versatile utensil – they can be used to pick up rice or noodles, cut fish, stir soup, wrap sushi, hold solid food while drinking liquids, scoop up food, pick out bones, and so on.

Chopsticks originated in China around 5,000 years ago, and the tradition later spread to Japan, Korea, and Vietnam. The festival aims to promote East Asian food culture, develop fine motor skills, and highlight the convenience of using chopsticks. 

Interestingly, using chopsticks engages over 30 joints and muscles, developing fine motor skills and stimulating brain function.

Chopsticks are made from various materials. Japanese chopsticks are primarily made from wood or bamboo, while in East Asia, metals are also used, such as in Korea, and ivory and plastic, such as in China. ⠀ 

I'd like to note that Japan also celebrates this day on August 4th. Chopsticks in Japan symbolize longevity and good fortune and are called "o-hashi," a polite prefix. This is a recommended gift, especially for newlyweds. Each family member uses their own chopsticks.

According to Japanese etiquette, when eating with chopsticks, one must not place the chopsticks vertically in the dish, pass food from one set of chopsticks to another, or use the same dish with other diners. These actions are performed during the farewell ceremony according to Buddhist tradition. 

Other taboos also exist: waving chopsticks, pointing at people or objects, banging chopsticks, and moving cutlery and dishes.

I'm often asked, "What's the proper way to hold chopsticks?" Even in Japan, fewer and fewer people know how to use chopsticks properly each year. For example, according to a government food culture survey conducted in 2010, only 54.2% of people 18 and older hold chopsticks correctly.

Chopsticks should be held and held like this:
1) Hold one chopstick approximately one-third of the way up between the thumb and index finger, holding it from below with the middle finger; 

2) Place the top of the second chopstick on the base of the thumb, and below it on the last phalanx of the ring finger, approximately at the base of the nail; 

3) Hold the chopsticks this way, and try to move their ends together and apart. They should always be somewhat apart at the top;  

4) Practice grasping small objects with the chopsticks, such as peanuts or corn.

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Ancient vs 20th C. Glove Etiquette

By the time this article was written, glove and hat etiquette for men and women attending houses of worship, had changed greatly over the centuries. By the dawn, and now the early years, of the 21st century, hats and gloves have fallen in use for many. They are rarely seen outside of inclement weather and the most formal of occasions.

  

Ancient Etiquette oF Gloves.

In the middle ages etiquette with regard to gloves was far more stringent then, than at present. For instance, no one as permitted to enter a church wearing gloves, which were considered just as much out of place as it would nowadays for a man to remain in any sacred edifice with a hat on. — The Fresno Bee, 1903

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Japan’s Etiquette and Setsubun

February 3rd is the traditional holiday of Setsubun, which marks the end of the seasons. It's essentially the New Year.

February is a month for the New Year celebration in the East. For example, in China, the Lunar New Year began on February 17th this year, and will be celebrated until March 3rd. In Japan, where I live, February 3rd is the traditional holiday of Setsubun, which marks the end of the seasons. It's essentially the New Year.

Traditionally, the year begins with spring. Even when talking about the arrival of the New Year, they use the expression "Haru o mukaeru" (春を迎える). Translated from Japanese, it means "Welcome spring." February 3rd is the start of the New Year according to the solar calendar.

First, you should eat soybeans (mame) equal to your age plus one bean to become healthier. These beans are sold in all supermarkets, and in large stores, in the lead-up to the holiday…

There are a number of traditions that are traditionally observed on February 3rd. First, you should eat soybeans (mame) equal to your age plus one bean to become healthier. These beans are sold in all supermarkets, and in large stores, in the lead-up to the holiday, they broadcast audio narration about the holiday. The beans are called "fukumame," meaning "lucky beans." This is how the tradition is passed on to new generations.

Celebrities, such as sumo wrestlers, renowned athletes, and famous actors, are invited to participate.

Secondly, on February 3rd, it's customary to scatter these beans at Shinto shrines. Celebrities, such as sumo wrestlers, renowned athletes, and famous actors, are invited to participate. Thirdly, it's essential to eat ehomaki rice rolls. These are rolls of the "auspicious direction." According to etiquette, ehomaki should be eaten silently and with your eyes closed, facing the auspicious direction, so that your wish will come true. The roll must be eaten in one go, without cutting it with a knife.

In 2026, the lucky direction is south - southeast (closer to the south). Incidentally, according to Chinese tradition, the god of wealth also arrives from the south on February 17th this year. This is how the traditions of the two countries intertwine. Ehomaki contains seven ingredients, symbolizing the seven gods of fortune. Kapyo (seaweed) symbolizes longevity, shiitake mushrooms symbolize protection from evil, omelet symbolizes good luck, eel symbolizes promotion and longevity, shrimp symbolizes longevity, cucumber symbolizes vitality and growth, and sakura denbu (crushed dried sea bream with added sugar and soy sauce) symbolizes celebration.

Since ancient times, one family member, usually a man, would wear a "demon" mask, and all family members would throw beans at him. 

Fourth, the mamemaki ritual is performed, which is aimed at driving away evil forces. It is customary to scatter beans while reciting the phrase: "Oni-wa soto! Fuku-wa uchi!" — "Demons out! Happiness into the house!" Since ancient times, one family member, usually a man, would wear a "demon" mask, and all family members would throw beans at him. According to tradition, this was supposed to ward off evil spirits and ill intentions, and also to ensure prosperity and good health for the coming year. Happy spring! May happiness and prosperity come to your homes!

By contributor, Elena Gavrilina-Fujiyama especially for Etiquipedia. Elena is a specialist in Japanese protocol and etiquette, and European social etiquette. The founder of the project Etiquette748, Elena is also a member of the National Association of Specialists of Protocol. She authored the best-selling book “Japanese Etiquette: Ancient Traditions and Modern Rules” after living in Japan for over 20 years. Elena recently was awarded the Diploma of the World Prize “Woman of the Russian World” in the category “Entrepreneurship” (Japan). The theme of the 2024 award is “Preservation and strengthening of the traditional family values.”

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette in Vietnam

In Vietnamese, ‘khiêm’ means humble or modest behaviour. Be mindful that Vietnamese etiquette does not automatically translate into Western etiquette, nor are they similar. Westerners are taught that using polite language, such as ‘thank you’ or ‘you’re welcome’, is used when showing respect however, in Vietnamese this may translate to arrogance and is deemed unnecessary. So, don’t be surprised when ‘I’m sorry’ may not be used.

My introduction to Vietnam and the Vietnamese people began in my early teenage years. In Melbourne, two suburbs recreated a shopping scene reminiscent of the energy and bustle of Ho Chi Minh City. These areas were alive with daily commerce, storefronts filled with colour, and restaurants serving traditional foods.

Since the Vietnam War, the influx of Vietnamese into Australia has existed for over 40 or more years. I loved frequently shopping and eating in Little Vietnam in Melbourne and Sydney, absorbing its food and people culture. Eventually, I had the pleasure of traveling to Vietnam, starting from the north and making my way to the south. Here is what I learnt.

What You Will See in Vietnam

As you walk through streets, laneways, and peer through gated houses and step into businesses, you will see mirrors above front doors, below by the door's side, red coloured alters or you might see fresh fruit or fake money, which are symbolic offerings to dead ancestors that will be later burned.

Traditionally, the Vietnamese are superstitious, and you will see each morning many attend altars dedicated to appeasing the gods, and families of long ago, deflecting the devil and bad spirits, praying to bring ‘good luck’ into their lives and their family’s lives. Other items of a religious nature that you need to understand are that there are lucky and unlucky numbers and colours, as well as pregnancy taboos that the Vietnamese take very seriously.

Be mindful of not stepping over or on an altar that lies on the ground or touching items such as incense sticks that don’t belong to you. When entering religious places, follow the directions of the gatekeepers, such as taking your shoes off, wearing appropriate clothing, taking your hat off your head and using silence when watching those worshiping.

‘Khiêm’ Vietnamese for Polite Etiquette

In Vietnamese, ‘khiêm’ means humble or modest behaviour. Be mindful that Vietnamese etiquette does not automatically translate into Western etiquette, nor are they similar. Westerners are taught that using polite language, such as ‘thank you’ or ‘you’re welcome’, is used when showing respect however, in Vietnamese this may translate to arrogance and is deemed unnecessary. So, don’t be surprised when ‘I’m sorry’ may not be used.

Learn Greetings to Use While Travelling

The Vietnamese language is a complicated one as it’s a tonal language and a tone mispronounced could confuse locals as to understanding you however, using a few Vietnamese words might open doors. Below you will see that greetings are different for those who are elderly, young, or close to your age. Vietnamese people are deeply rooted hierarchical society based on seniority and age.

• Elder Male: Ông, 
• Elder Female: Bà, 
• Older Male: Anh, 
• Older Female: Chị, 
• Younger Person: Em, 
• Younger Service Staff: Em ơi or 
• Older service staff: Anh/Chị ơi, 
• A friend: Bạn ơi.
• How old are you? Bao nhiêu tuổi? 

or similar question…

• Are you healthy?: “Khỏe không?” 
• If you’re not sure about the age of the person you are speaking to, use a pronoun one level higher to address them.

When using the greeting with elders, you should initiate the greeting as the elderly will wait and stare until you do. When you want to display deep respect, you can shake someone’s hand with both hands. Greeting a female, a bow or nod of acknowledgment is used however, before you offer your hand, wait till they extend their hand, or they might not. Men greet each other with a nod or, for business, a handshake.

Eat Like a Native Vietnamese

If you think that you have dined at enough Vietnamese restaurants and, through observation, understand all that you need to know about dining culture, well, you might have missed these unspoken protocols.

Don’t just plonk yourself down anywhere, wait to be escorted to where you will sit, whether it is on the ground or the table. The reason for this is that hierarchy plays a role in who sits where and when. The eldest person sits down first, then the oldest, and then the youngest diners. Another sign of respect is waiting for everyone to arrive at the table, then being seated, the oldest person to proceed eating first and everyone thereafter.

Vietnamese meals are served family style, where all types of dishes are placed in the middle of the table, and everyone is obliged to help themselves with cutlery from each dish to their bowl. Never use your chopsticks or fork to eat directly from the serving dishes. You too can have a part by passing dishes around using both of your hands.

Unlike Western dining, where you eat from dinnerware that is on the table, in the Vietnamese style, you can lift the bowl close to your mouth, leaving it on the table can be interpreted as a sign of laziness. I find it refreshing to hold the bowl to eat from. You may find that your host may serve meat or may offer a vegetarian meal. If your host serves seafood such as fish, once served on your plate, the fish remains on your plate and is never turned over. This may invoke superstitious images of a fisherman’s boat capsizing.

Use chopsticks with respect. From the earliest historical Chinese and Japanese records, chopsticks were used for funerary and religious purposes and eventually migrated to the table, especially during the time of Confucius, curbing violence at the table with daggers. Never wave the chopsticks around while you are talking, point with them, or stick them upright in your bowl. Chopsticks are only for personal eating, use only.

If your host serves seafood such as fish, once served on your plate, the fish remains on your plate and is never turned over. This may invoke superstitious images of a fisherman’s boat capsizing.

A good Vietnamese host will try to ply you with lots of food. To kindly decline, place your hand or lay the chopsticks over your bowl and thank the host and state that you are satisfied. Make sure there is no food left in your bowl, as it may be seen as careless wastage, which could have been consumed by someone else later that day. Please help the host in clearing the table before drinks are served at the end of the dining event.

I hope these tips and tricks from my time in Vietnam help you when visiting the country, joining close friends, or accepting an invitation to dine at a Vietnamese restaurant. It is one of my favourite places to visit as people are kind and respectful, and the food is just amazing.

Happy travels and tạm biệt – goodbye.

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette. Elizabeth can currently be found in Melbourne Australia and on numerous social media sites.

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Glove Etiquette for All Occasions

Seldom do people wish to hear about the etiquette of wearing gloves except during the high season of charity balls, gala events, weddings, proms and formal dinners.

Dear Miss Etiquette: Can you please give us advice about the etiquette for over-the-elbow kid gloves worn at very formal events, such as cocktail parties, dinners, charity galas, debutantes balls and weddings, including gloves for the bride and bridesmaids? 

How about the etiquette for the right and graceful ways of donning and undonning these kid gloves? How do they go with bracelets and jewelry? Are they worn over the glove although they are difficult to undo? When shaking hands and when in the introduction line, should we be gloved? And what about a hand kiss while we have our white gloves on? The rules found with regard to the above, are often different. The formal etiquette seems to require staying gloved except while eating and for the ring ceremony. Signed, Concerned

Dear Concerned: Seldom do people wish to hear about the etiquette of wearing gloves except during the high season of charity balls, gala events, weddings, proms and formal dinners. 

With respect to kid gloves, may I say kid gloves are made from the leather of young goats? Gloves and shoes made of kid skin are soft and smooth and require a great deal of care, as it is delicate leather. The term handle with kid gloves means to treat with care and tact. Men, as well as women, may wear kid gloves. 

Let me tell the gentlemen something. If you are wearing an outdoor glove, always remove the glove on your right hand before you shake hands. However, if you are an usher at a wedding or at a formal ball, you leave on gloves intended to be worn indoors. 

If you are walking down the street and it is impossible for you to remove your right glove, you are to use the expression “Please excuse my glove.” 

A lady never takes off her gloves to shake hands. There are only two countries that abide by that rule: the United States of America and England. 

If a lady is wearing gardening gloves and the gloves are muddy and wet, she simply says she is sorry she cannot shake hands. 

Gloves worn over the elbow at very formal events usually have buttons at the wrist and are called 18-button gloves. 

Etiquette dictates you walk out of your home wearing your gloves. As gloves are considered under garments, no one is supposed to see you putting them on. 

Young ladies wear gloves on their wedding day. There are gloves made especially for weddings in that the ring finger on the left-hand glove is especially constructed for the wedding ring placement. With regard to the bride, the mothers, the bridesmaids and the matron of honor, gloves remain on the hand in the receiving line and are removed before dinner. 

When a young lady attends a cocktail party, she leaves her gloves on until the first sign of food. Once the hors d’oeuvres are presented, gloves are removed and either placed in the handbag or placed in the inside suit pocket of the young lady's escort. The young lady excuses herself and finds the powder room to remove the gloves. If that is inconvenient, she should remove her gloves with very little fanfare, quietly and out of sight. 

Remember, one does not eat with gloves on. Common sense dictates you do not wear jewelry on top of gloves. Rings and bracelets are worn under gloves. But there is an exception. It is the evening bracelet made of platinum and diamonds, an original piece of art created especially for formal events and worn over a gloved hand. 

No single young lady accepts a hand kiss from a gentleman and no gentleman is ever so forward as to expect a young lady who is single to accept his hand kiss; how rude. 

Tend to your gloves when you put them away so they are fresh for your next outing. — By Anita Shower in the Times-Press-Recorder, 2002

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura, J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age “Polite Life”

The newness of our country is perpetually renewed by the sudden making of fortunes, and by the absence of a hereditary, reigning set. There is no aristocracy here which has the right and title to set the fashion. — Writer, Georgene Corry Benham, author of  “Polite Life and Etiquette or What is Right and the Social Arts”

THERE is no country where there are so many people asking what is “proper to do,” or, indeed, where there are so many genuinely anxious to do the proper thing, as in the vast conglomerate which we call The United States of America. The newness of our country is perpetually renewed by the sudden making of fortunes, and by the absence of a hereditary, reigning set. There is no aristocracy here which has the right and title to set the fashion.

We contend that it is in no way derogatory to a new country like our own, if on some minor points of etiquette we presume to differ from older countries. We find it necessary to fit our garments to the climate, our manners to our fortunes and our habits and customs to the demands of the age in which we live. 

We have, however, many faults and inelegancies of which foreigners justly accuse us, which we can easily correct by a little careful study of this book, which is given to the people after much thought based on common sense and every-day life.— From “Polite Life and Etiquette or What is Right and the Social Arts,” by Georgene Corry Benham, 1891

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Armenian Etiquette and Coffee Culture

The hostess brews coffee in a special vessel called a srjep or jazzve, using one spoonful of ground coffee per cup of water. Coffee is brewed over low to medium heat to create a rich flavor and a special crema, then divided among the cups. Sometimes cardamom is added to coffee, imparting a distinctive aromatic note. 

Armenian Coffee…

Etiquette and Traditions

Coffee culture plays a significant role in Armenians' daily routine. At the start of your day, your break from work, meeting guests, and enjoying a family dinner, these are all traditionally accompanied by coffee. An Armenian may drink 3, 5, or 7 cups of coffee per day.

If unexpected guests arrive, they are always invited into the house and offered coffee. This is an essential gesture of hospitality. Refusing coffee is considered impolite. Coffee in Armenia is called “surch.” Guests may be asked whether they want unsweetened, sweet, or very sweet coffee. Sugar is traditionally added during brewing.

The hostess brews coffee in a special vessel called a srjep or jazzve, using one spoonful of ground coffee per cup of water. Coffee is brewed over low to medium heat to create a rich flavor and a special crema, then divided among the cups. Sometimes cardamom is added to coffee, imparting a distinctive aromatic note.

Coffee is served first to the guest, as he is considered “sent by God.” If coffee is served within a family circle, a gesture of respect is directed toward the eldest member of the family—he is served first.

Coffee is served in small cups to each guest. Unlike the Italian tradition of drinking coffee in two sips at the bar, in Armenia coffee is sipped slowly, savoring each sip. It's a special ritual, with no room for rush or fuss. Conversation over a cup of aromatic coffee is part of the culture. Coffee is never served on an empty table. Traditional treats are always served: gata, dried fruits and nuts, or other homemade pastries.

Next comes a cultural peculiarity. After the coffee is finished and only a small amount of water remains, a saucer is placed on the cup and turned upside down. This leaves patterns on the bottom and sides of the cup, which are traditionally read as a fortune. This sweet tradition remains popular today.

When visiting an Armenian home, don't refuse a cup of coffee, which the hostess will prepare for you with love and care. Experience Armenian hospitality. Refusing and rushing in is disrespectful.

Business negotiations, friendly and family gatherings are held over coffee. This is a wonderful tradition that is preserved in Armenian society and brings people together.

 

Contributor Alisa Kazka is an etiquette authority in Ukraine. Alisa is the founder of the “Way of Living: Etiquette School.” She is an etiquette enthusiast and her expertise as a table stylist may be known to followers of our table setting competition. Engaged in the business of etiquette for more than 5 years now, she teaches adults and children good manners, how to become confident and to be internally free in various life situations, stressing the importance of mutual respect and getting to know other cultures. One of her favorite subjects is the topic of hospitality… high service, dining etiquette and gastronomy. You cab follow Alisa on Instagram: @alisa_kazka or her school, @way.of.living_etiquette

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Necessary Introductions

If a gentleman asks to be presented to a lady, she should signify her assent in a pleasant way, and pay her hostess, through whom the request comes, the compliment of at least seeming to be gratified at the introduction. Our American ladies are sometimes a little lacking in cordiality of manner, often receiving a new acquaintance with that part of their conformation which is known as the “cold shoulder.” A brusque discourtesy is bad, a very effusive courtesy and a too low bow are worse. The proper salutation lies just between the two extremes.

NECESSITY OF INTRODUCING

A WOMAN in her own home can, in America, do pretty much as she pleases, but there is at least one exception - she must not introduce two ladies who reside in the same town. This is many times an awkward and embarrassing restriction, particularly as the other - the Englislı rule - renders it easy enough, that the “roof is an introduction” and that visitors can converse without further notice.

So awkward, however, are Americans about this, that even in very good houses one lady has spoken to another, possibly to a young girl, and has received no reply “because she had not been introduced,” but this mistaken idea is, fortunately, not very common.

Let every lady remember, whether she is from the country or from the most fashionable city house, that no such casual conversation can hurt her. It does not involve a further acquaintance of these two persons: They may cease to know each other when they leave the house; and it would be kinder if they would both relieve the hostess of their joint entertainment by joining in the conversation.

No one of heart or mind need feel afraid to talk and be agreeable, whether introduced or not, at a friend's house; even if she meets with the rebuff of a deaf-and-dumb neighbor, she need not feel heart broken: she is right, and her stiff acquaintance is wrong.

If a gentleman asks to be presented to a lady, she should signify her assent in a pleasant way, and pay her hostess, through whom the request comes, the compliment of at least seeming to be gratified at the introduction. Our American ladies are sometimes a little lacking in cordiality of manner, often receiving a new acquaintance with that part of their conformation which is known as the “cold shoulder.” A brusque discourtesy is bad, a very effusive courtesy and a too low bow are worse. The proper salutation lies just between the two extremes.

In seeking introductions for ourselves, while we need not be shy of making a first visit or asking for an introduction, we must still beware of intrusion. There are instincts in the humblest understanding which will tell us where to draw the line. If a person is socially more prominent than ourselves, or more distinguished in any way, we should not be violently anxious to take the first step; we should wait until some happy chance brings us together, for we must be as firm in our self-respect as our neighbor is secure in her exalted position. 

Wealth has heretofore had very little power to give a person an exclusively fashionable position. Character, breeding, culture, good connections - all must help. An aristocrat who is such by virtue of an old and honored name which has never been tarnished is a power in the newest society as in the oldest; but it is a shadowy power, felt rather than described. Edu- cation is always a power.

To be sure, there is a tyranny in large cities of what is known as the “fashionable set,” formed of people willing to spend money; who make a sort of alliance, offensive and defensive; who can give balls and parties and keep certain people out; who have the place which many covet; who are too much feared and dreaded. If those who desire an introduction to this set strive for it too much, they will be sure to be snubbed; for this circle lives by snubbing. If such an aspirant will wait patiently, either the whole autocratic set of ladies will disband - for such sets disentangle easily or else they in their turn will come knocking at the door and ask to be received.

It takes many years for a new and an uninstructed set to surmount all the little awkwardnesses, the dubious points of etiquette, that come up in every new shuffle of the social cards; but a modest and serene courtesy, a civility which is not servile, will be a good introduction into any society.

The place given here to the ill-bred is only conceded to them that one may realize the great demands made upon the tact and the good feeling of a hostess. She must have a quick apprehension; she may and will remember, however, that it is very easily forgiven, this kind-heartedness - that it is better to sin against etiquette than to do an unkind thing.

Great pains should be taken by a hostess to introduce shy people. Young people are those whose pleasure must depend on introductions.

It is well for a lady in presenting two strangers to say something which may break the ice, and make the conversation easy and agreeable; as, for instance, “Mrs. Moon, allow me to present Mr. Star, who has just arrived from New England,” or, “Mrs. Rose, allow ine to present Mrs. Palmer, of Boston - or Chicago,” so that the two may naturally have a question and answer ready with which to step over the threshold of conversation without tripping.

In making an introduction, the gentleman is presented to the lady, with some such informal speech as this: “Mrs. C., allow me to present Mr. D.,” or, “Mrs. C., Mr. D. desires the honor of knowing you.” In introducing two women, present the younger to the older woman, the question of rank not holding good in our society where the position of the husband, be he judge, general, senator, or president even, does not give his wife fashionable position. She may be of far less importance in the great world of society than some Mrs. Jones, who, having nothing else, is set down as of the highest rank in that unpublished but well-known book of heraldry which is so thoroughly understood in America as a tradition.

It is the proper thing for a gentleman to ask a mutual friend or an acquaintance to introduce him to a lady, and there are few occasions when this request is refused. In our crowded ballrooms, chaperons often ask young men if they will be introduced to their charges. It is better before asking the young men of this present luxurious age, if they will not only be introduced, but if they propose to dance, with the young lady, else that young person may be mortified by a snub. — From “Polite Life and Etiquette or What is Right and the Social Arts,” by Georgene Corry Benham, 1891

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia