“Olympic Etiquette” Suggested in 1984

Americans hosting the Olympics were advised to avoid being the “Ugly American stereotype” while appreciating cultural differences. – The 1984 summer Olympic Games were held in Los Angeles and the mascot was the Disney designed, “Sam the Olympic Eagle,” an American eagle, which was featured on numerous posters and souvenirs. Sam also came as a stuffed, plush animal. He was meant to convey friendliness, optimism and patriotism.

A new civic ditty: Mind your manners this summer

Never mind massive traffic jams, the threat of terrorism, or the boycott by the Soviet team. The real foul ups in the XXIIIrd Olympiad coming to Los Angeles this summer could stem from much more harrowing breaches of international relations like going to a party for one of the Arabian teams and showing the bottom of your shoes to the host. No kidding. It's considered highly improper in some Middle Eastern countries to bare your sole like that at a social function. Think about it. How would you like your Hush Puppies to be the cause of the next oil embargo? The point here is that the Olympics is not just a spectacle of athletics, but a grand social occasion where parties will abound and men and women of many different cultures will be rubbing bended elbows. It's going to be important for hosts of these parties to appreciate cultural differences. When it comes to Olympic etiquette, they'd better be on their toes. One company that is trying to help Southern California's Olympic hosts this summer in that area

is Communication Development Associates of Century City. Judi Kaufman, president, has been offering a course for the past 18 months that was originally designed simply to help American businessmen recapture the lost art of proper etiquette, whether they are entertaining foreign or domestic guests. But these days Kaufman says her company is seeing an increase in interest from businesses that will be entertaining visitors here for the Olympic Games. "The Olympics is a time when we'll be hosting an international guest list in the city, and we need to be prepared to give people instructions on the street (or other help), and not be ugly Americans," Kaufman said in a phone interview. 

Etiquette is something that Americans let slide over the last 20 years, Kaufman says. The rule then was "do your own thing," but she now believes "the pendulum has swung back toward manners." Her course, entitled, "Good Taste is Good Business," covers such protocol issues as the guest list, making introductions, the art of conversation, table manners, "being remembered" (sending thank you notes and such), making other people feel important, and letting food be a catalyst for conversation. "It's really breaking ice by breaking bread," she said.

All well and good, but how does this translate into tips for party hosts who will be entertaining guests from many different countries? Let's say you want to exchange gifts with your foreign friends, a common thing to do. Kaufman urges you to remember that Europeans like to exchange gifts "only with really good friends. If Americans tried to give them too many gifts, it might be interpreted as a faux pas." But Japanese are avid gift givers, she says. "But it's important to let the Japanese person feel that his gift is slightly better than yours," she said. "In Arab countries, the gifts are almost ostentatious. They're very generous with gift giving. They almost feel it gains respect." Where do we sign for one of those? 

Feeding visiting guests can be tricky at times too. With the Japanese, Kaufman says you should remember they are just as uncomfortable using forks, knives and spoons as we are using chopsticks. She suggests preparing dinners of just "fork food." In addition, don't think you should provide a menu that would mirror the kind of cuisine the guest would have in his own country. Kaufman says you should serve "All American" fare like hamburgers and apple pie. Keep that same strategy in mind in your gift giving. Something that is peculiarly Californian might be a real treat for visitors. (Just make sure the hot tub will fit in their carry on luggage.) "As a general rule, people are coming here to see what we do," she said. 

One area in which you should make some concessions to the cultural differences, however, is in conversation. If you're talking with someone from Japan where behavior is perhaps more reserved than in other countries, a gregarious host may need to "pull back" some on his own style. "You kind of mold your behavior slightly, not completely," Kaufman said. Then there are those warnings that only take common sense. Let's say you happen to be playing host to Soviet officials; not likely since they say they're not going to come, but just pretend. You should probably stay away from such topics as politics and religion. "I would keep things in a light vein," Kaufman said. 

And whatever the country, try to show some interest in that nation's history. "It's a very good idea," she said. "These people will be ambassadors of good will." And what if you don't know much about the history of the country? "When in doubt, remember, be more reserved and ask a lot of questions," she said. Since the Olympics Is the ultimate athletic event every four years, Kaufman recommends that party hosts read the sports page every day. Keep up with how countries are doing, even if their teams haven't produced many medals. "To avoid something says more about ignorance

and rudeness," Kaufman said. "You better know about the athletes and play up their strengths." And if you're going to be introducing your guests to each other, it would serve you well to spend 15 to 20 minutes before the party practicing the pronunciation of those foreign names, Kaufman said. The point is, Kaufman says, that we are all hosts "every single one of us," so we should do what we can to make the best impression. And that doesn't mean being gracious just when you're at a beautifully catered party at somebody's mansion.

You can leave a good impression on visitors, for instance, when you get into the middle of those traffic jams that are predicted for L.A.'s freeways during the games. "We're all going to have to show the greatest patience," Kaufman said. "If we act like a typical L.A. driver and come out with four-letter words, that doesn't show our best side." If you're off the street and encounter a foreign visitor on a sidewalk who looks like he needs help, Kaufman says, "First of all, be anxious to help in any way you can.

"If you don't know the answer, you might tell them where they can get help. Be clear and quick, but polite. Talk slowly. Smile! If they don't understand the language, they certainly will understand a smile and pointing." It may sound old fashioned, Kaufman said, but just remember to treat people the way you'd like to be treated if you were visiting their country. "The whole Golden Rule can work wonders for you," she said. – By Dennis Kelly, Sun Staff Writer, San Bernardino Sun, 1984

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“Office Etiquette for Business Women”

“Etiquette in an Office” of the day featured in a newspaper.

Good Manners Essential to Success

The great majority of successful business men and women have been and are possessors of strong personalities of the right sort, and by analyzing their climb to success it is amazing to discover how large a part good manners, good breeding and correct behavior have had in helping them to win the goal. There are, naturally, men and women who have reached the top by other than unselfish or courteous means, but they are in the minority and their perch is frequently a precarious one.

Value of Courtesy and Tact 

Courtesy also includes tact, an indispensable attribute if one is to attain even the slightest degree of success in the world. Tact has been occasionally spoken of as a somewhat hypocritical trait, but it need not necessarily be so. A tactful person is one who must exercise good judgment in “sizing up” a proposition, a present circumstance, the temper of a certain group of people or the idiosyncrasies of a particular individual. Such a person will make no move to antagonize, but will instead bring the utmost courtesy to bear in meeting the demands of the occasion. By this consideration, this polite and tactful manner of dealing with the issue in hand, he will be able to win others to his point of view or, at least, to make a favorable impression that can be productive of good results in his future. On the contrary, by rudeness, by a display of selfishness and a lack of the right consideration for the feelings of others one is deliberately closing and double-locking the door to every good the future may hold.

It is not in the business world alone that the little courteous habits we form add to the charm of our personality, for once such habits are formed we shall carry them with us everywhere. They will give us added value in the world outside the office; they will bring us added affection from our friends and even our immediate family. For we have, after all, to live in a very crowded world today we are being jostled on every side by men and women of all sorts and conditions and if we do not want to sink below the surface of the great tide of humanity, if we want instead to raise ourselves a little above it, we cannot afford to neglect anything which will serve to mark us favorably from among those surrounding us. The men and women who do this are those of outstanding personalities.

Opening the Door to Opportunity

Personality is the magic key that will open all the doors to opportunity and success. Of course courtesy alone will not build personality, one may be perfectly courteous and still be negligible; but there is rarely found a man or woman of fine personality who does not also show a courteous con sideration for others, a real kindness in his or her dealings with them and a genuine interest in matters which concern them. Each of us has to come into contact with so many different people every day of our busy lives that we should make almost any effort to draw them to us and to make a good and lasting impression on them. In many offices a woman's greatest chance of success rests with this power she has of making a good impression on the business men and women who have personal dealings with her employer.

Some men and women have been fortunate in being endowed at birth with a personality that all the world might envy; others have to develop personality as they go through life. And there is no royal road to its attainment; but by being, among other things, courteous, tactful and really interested in others, one can learn the full meaning of this undefined word and can enjoy to the utmost the advantages it will procure. – From “Office Etiquette for Business Women,” by Ida White Parker, 1924

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Etiquette for Business Women, 1924

‘… This ability to be interested in everything, to be ignorant of the meaning of the word “boredom” was one of the strongest and most alive traits in the personality of Theodore Roosevelt, and it was one of the means by which he impressed every one who met him with his unfailing courtesy. He was by nature one of the most courteous of men, and his wide experience and training made him “one of the greatest masters of etiquette.”’ ~ Whenever speaking of etiquette, another Roosevelt always comes to mind… Eleanor Roosevelt. Not only did she write a terrific book of etiquette and numerous etiquette articles and news columns, but she presided over the White House as First Lady during a time when so many women left their homes and went to work in factories to help the war effort during WWII. – Public domain image of Eleanore Roosevelt

Courtesy an Important Part of Personality

Personality is a word that has come into wide usage within recent years, but no one seems to be able to define it satisfactorily. We know what it means and we instantly recognize the quality when we meet some one who possesses it; but there are two sorts of personality. There is the kind that wins us, that draws us irresistibly to its possessor, and there is the kind that may be so sharply accented that we are repelled instantly. In both of these, courtesy, or the lack of it, plays an important part. It is just by taking a little thought, by learning the rules of the game as courteously played, that we can go far toward winning the desirable kind of personality if we are not so fortunate as to have been endowed with it in the beginning.

The prime ingredient of true courtesy is unselfishness, though there are many persons with charming and courteous manners who are paragons of selfishness at heart. Nevertheless, true courtesy calls for at least a momentary forgetfulness of self, for thought for others and for expression of that thought by outward deed and manner. We shall, of course, differ from each other in that expression according to our different individualities, and this is to be desired. A stereotyped manner or an exactly similar method of being courteous would make the world a drearily monotonous place in which to live and it would not be long before we should all be seized with a desire to be as discourteous as possible, if only to break this monotony.

Limiting One's Mental Outlook

To be courteous means also to be kind. It is only courteous to assume an attitude of interest when another is talking, even if one have no real interest in the subject under discussion. This considerate attention will create a good impression, will add to the effect of one’s personality and will help to develop a characteristic essential for success. And after all, when one finds it difficult to be interested in something entirely apart from his own affairs, or when one is easily “bored,” he at once establishes limits to his mental outlook and starts the formation of a habit that is certain to cut him off from much future enjoyment in life. This ability to be interested in everything, to be ignorant of the meaning of the word “boredom” was one of the strongest and most alive traits in the personality of Theodore Roosevelt, and it was one of the means by which he impressed every one who met him with his unfailing courtesy. He was by nature one of the most courteous of men, and his wide experience and training made him “one of the greatest masters of etiquette.”

This courteous attitude is essential in the daily intercourse with one’s officemates. It is difficult enough to live one’s business days harmoniously with the same group of men and women without friction; but it is infinitely more difficult to do so if each one selfishly lives for his own impulses and desires. Courtesy plays a big part here in smoothing the rough places, in making the necessary contacts as pleasant as possible and in preventing much unhappiness and dissatisfaction. – By Ida White Parker, 1924

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Etiquette for Hostess Gifts

In visiting friends for several days, should one upon one’s return, send a gift to the hostess? 

Filed Under “Standard Rules of Etiquette” 

Question: In visiting friends for several days, should one upon one’s return, send a gift to the hostess? 

Answer: While it is not necessary to send a gift to one's hostess, it is a gracious thing to do and is always appreciated. If one is a close friend of hostess, a gift may be taken when one goes on the visit, otherwise it is sent upon one's return. 

In any event, the house guest should send a “bread and butter” letter of gratitude and appreciation for his visit immediately upon his return from a house party. The letter itself may be very short but it must never be ignored nor must it be put off. Prompt acknowledgement of a visit is one of the essentials of etiquette. – Imperial Valley Press, 1931

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A Bone Egg Spoon?

While it’s true that silver spoons could leave a metallic taste in the mouth when mixed with eggs, there was always a gilded option. These two gilded sterling eggs spoons had been available for many years, however, they were very pricey. Bone egg spoons, on the other hand, at eight cents each were quite reasonable for the time period. — Pictured above are two European egg toppers, or egg cutters, an Ivy pattern, Gorham gilded sterling egg spoon, a Whiting sterling egg spoon with a gilded, engraved bowl in the Lily of the Valley pattern and a lovely, Herend egg cup. 

I am indebted to a Scotch friend for something that has become well-nigh indispensable to me-my EGG-SPOON. It is made of bone and was brought to me from Scotland. Its advantages are, first, that one gets no taste of metal in eating eggs, as is the case with a silver spoon; second, that there is no discolored silver to be cleaned afterward. Since it was given to me, I have bought others for my family at one of the New York department stores for eight cents each, so they are within the reach of anyone who is interested. - B. F. S., New Jersey in Good Housekeeping, 1912

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Gilded Age Dinner Giving

In an age of questionable kitchen appliances it was often difficult to time meals, thus the best cooks and chefs were in high demand. — “It is very rude to keep other guests waiting for you, and to disturb the serenity of the hostess by delaying her dinner, thereby impairing the quality of the cooked viands.” 

In giving a dinner party it is very essential to know how many guests one is going to entertain. It is a serious inconvenience to have any doubt on the subject. Invitations are usually sent out in the following form:

The four capital letters constitute the initials of four French words, meaning "Answer if you please" (Respondez S'il vous plait). The person thus invited must not fail to reply at once, sending a messenger to the door with the note. It is considered impolite to send it by post, and then you are never certain that it will be received. 

If the person invited has any doubt about being able to attend the dinner at the time stated, he should decline the invitation at once. He should be positive one way or the other, not delaying sending the answer more than one day.

A prompt and decided answer declining, enables Mrs. Jones to supply the place with some other person, thereby preventing a vacant chair at the table. The same rule is applicable to a "German," as a well-bred hostess will not invite more than her house will comfort ably accommodate, and it is important for her to know at once if you intend to accept or decline her invitation.

On the appointed day of the dinner, the guest should arrive at the house ten or fifteen minutes before the appointed hour for dinner; avoid arriving too early, but never be too late. It is very rude to keep other guests waiting for you, and to disturb the serenity of the hostess by delaying her dinner, thereby impairing the quality of the cooked viands. 

She should not be expected to wait more than ten of fifteen minutes for any one. If an engagement makes a very early departure from a dinner party or other entertainment imperative, a guest should mention the fact to the hostess beforehand, and make his departure without leave taking, and unobserved. if possible, so as not to suggest the departure of others.

When the guests are assembled in the drawing room, the host or hostess can quietly intimate to each gentleman the lady he will take to the dining room, and how to find his place at the table. When the dinner is announced, the host should lead the way with the lady guest of honor, the hostess being the last to leave the drawing room.— From “Housekeeping and Dinner Giving in Kansas City,” Mrs. Willis, 1887

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The Etiquette of Serving Breakfast

A Housekeeper’s Manual from the Gilded Age

  

HOW TO PREPARE AND SERVE BREAKFAST

When we first began to talk of editing this book, a gentleman said to me, "If you will tell how to cook a steak properly, that receipt alone will be worth the price of the book." To the old adage, "Time and tide wait for no man," I have added "my breakfast table." I do not think that gentleman will ever eat a nicely cooked steak in his own house, for he is never ready to sit down to the table when breakfast is served.

We will have the bill of fare to consist of broiled beefsteak, Saratoga potatoes, scrambled eggs, yeast powder biscuit, tea and coffee (see my receipts for preparing all of these dishes). After the servant has started her fire she sets the table, takes the plates to the kitchen to be warmed (in the winter), takes the dishes in which the breakfast is to be served to the kitchen; puts the skillet on the stove to get hot to fry the potatoes in; makes biscuits and puts them in three pans and sets them aside; cooks the Saratoga potatoes and sets them on the hot water reservoir to keep warm; breaks the eggs into a bowl and seasons them; puts the coffee on to boil. 

I have a regular hour for breakfast, but sometimes we might not be ready when it was announced, so I have a speaking tube to the kitchen, and I call to the cook to serve breakfast; that means to put the steak on to broil, and and all the household know that they have twenty minutes to get ready for breakfast. 

She puts the tea to steep, and the steak on to cook; the skillet or gridiron must have been placed on the back of the stove, to get hot before this time. You will readily see that the cook can follow one of my directions for broiling a steak, i. e., never to leave it until it is done. During the last three minutes the steak is cooking she can fill the teapot and pour it into the pot in which it is to be served; pour off the coffee; put the first pan of biscuits in to bake, just before filling the teapot. 

She now puts the tea, coffee, potatoes and steak on the table (see my rules for serving, as well as preparing these dishes), and announces break- fast; then puts another pan of biscuits in the stove, cooks the eggs, and brings them to the table.

By putting the pans of biscuits in the oven at different times, they can be served hot and freshly baked Now, my dear young housekeepers, you can see that it is just as easy to have a meal freshly cooked as to have it spoiled by mismanagement on your part, as well as the cook's. By being careful to observe how long it requires to properly cook an article, and what can be set aside to be kept warm, and what must be served as soon as cooked, you can always have your dishes in perfection.

If you have a first course of fruit or oatmeal, some of the dishes can be prepared while that is being served. Melons, oranges, and all kinds of fruits, should be served at breakfast. In their season, sliced tomatoes, with a mayonaise dressing, or plain vinegar, is a refreshing breakfast dish. A number of nice breakfast dishes may be found in receipts for entrées. — From “Housekeeping and Dinner Giving in Kansas City,” Mrs. Willis, 1887

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Chaperones and Eiquette for Olympics

Did the male athletes have chaperones in 1932? No… 

DALLAS, Aug. 9 (AP). Mildred “Babe” Didrikson, who established new world records in the 80-meter hurdles and the javelin throw at the Olympics, will return home here Thursday for probably the greatest welcome ever extended a Dallas athlete. Office workers in the city's skyscrapers have been collecting ticker tape all week to shower on her. ~ Newspaper clipping from 1932

At the 1932 Olympic Games, Chaperones and Trainers Watch the Girl Athletes

United Press Special Correspondent, Los Angeles, Aug. 5.—The team of Hall and Hall gave the team of Didrikson and Mac Combs a close race to the tape in the 80 meter hurdles for ladies in the 1932 Olympics. Babe Didrikson led her teammate, Evelyn Hall, by inches in the race which set a new world’s record of 11.7 seconds. 

But sharing closely in the first and second places with the two American girls were a husband and a coach. "I’ve always been coached by M. J. Mac Combs,” said Babe. “I pick out what I want to do and he shows me how to do it." Close to home is Evelyn Hall’s inspiration. "Leonard, my husband, started me in my track work and he’s coached me in the hurdles. It's really on account of him I was able to win.” 

The girls aren’t playing lone hands out on the stadium track and in the fencing armory. Coaches and chaperones are jealously guarding the athletes. Mrs. Hiroko Shiramaya, chaperone for the Japanese swimming team, feels almost like a mother to her Mandarin girls. "Every night I go through all their rooms after they’ve gone to bed,” she said. “They aren’t used to the weather here and throw their covers off. I go around twice each night to get them all tucked in.” 

Mrs. Shiramaya gets pretty tired taking care of her brood, but she likes it. “They’re nice girls and are having lots of fun in the hotel with the other athletes. For two weeks before they came to this country they went to a Y. W. C. A. in Japan where they learned table manners and etiquette of this country.” 

Mrs. Ellen Osiier, Denmark fencer and Olympic champion in 1920, has given up the chance for personal glory to chaperone the Danish team and officiate in the fencing matches. "Danish girls aren’t thinking much about anything except competing while the games are going on. Afterwards we will stay here until the games are over, then go home by way of San Francisco.” 

If anyone tries to spoil the athletic ability of Babe Didrikson or the rest of the American track team he must answer to Fred L. Steers. “These girls are just kids and don’t know what it’s all about — all this ballyhoo going on around them. They get along fine on the track and field but back here in the hotel with everyone making heroines out of them, they’re liable to hurt their own chances of winning.” 

P. Grobbelaar didn’t bring Marjorie Clark all the way from South Africa to have her spoil her chances of doing the best she can in the Olympics. So he keeps her from talking to outsiders on her track work. Mrs. Theodore Wright keeps Thelma Kench, sprinter, in tow to keep her from getting homesick for New Zealand. Helene Mayer, German fencer, is shadowed by Mrs. B. A. Mayer of Whittier, with whom she is going to stay between Olympic games and the opening of Scripps college. – By Mary Alice Parent, 1932

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia