Bridal Etiquette and Carloyn Bessette Kennedy

The most frequently asked fashion queries concern the propriety of attire. Take the etiquette of wearing gloves. Thanks to Carolyn Bessette Kennedy, they've made a comeback. 

Wedding etiquette that is as layered as the cake according to 

TOWN & COUNTRY 

Magazine 

Wedding etiquette can be more layered than a wedding cake. Whether you're in Singapore or Sausalito, questions about attire and guest lists, wrote Sarah Midori Zimmerman in an article in the current issue of Town & Country, seem to be as integral a part of getting married as saying “I do.”

The most frequently asked fashion queries concern the propriety of attire. Take the etiquette of wearing gloves. Thanks to Carolyn Bessette Kennedy, they’ve made a comeback. If you choose to wear them, keep in mind that long gloves may be difficult to wriggle out of during the ceremony. You have several options, though: practice taking them off until you've made removing them look effortless.

Remove the left glove and hand it to your maid of honor once you reach the alter, put it back on after you and your groom have exchanged rings, or make a slit along the under seam of the left gloves ring finger so that it can be folded back to allow the groom to slip on the wedding band. While experts disagree on whether you should wear your gloves in the receiving line, it’s imperative that you remove them anytime you're eating or drinking. 

When it comes to hemlines, the rules have been relaxed considerably. Don't worry, for example, whether the hemlines of your mother and your fiancée’s mother's dresses match. The whole idea of matching anything seems to have gone the way of bended-knee proposals. 

Concerns about guest lists seem to keep brides sleepless the most. Try to stick to your original list. You needn't feel compelled to invite relatives who aren't immediate family, especially if you don't see them often and prefer to keep the wedding small. And remember, it's never wise to invite more people than you can comfortably accommodate. Invitations should be mailed about eight weeks prior to the wedding. — For AP Special Features, 1998

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Scottish University Men

A young man in his “strawbasher” (or straw boater hat), with his sweetheart at university. — “On Sept. 15, be the weather ever so bleak, the streets are full of what the small boy knows as ‘strawbashers.’”

Scottish Students’ Dress

The Scottish university student has a code of etiquette in clothes as strict as that of Eton or of Harrow. And into it the straw hat enters. On Sept. 15, be the weather ever so bleak, the streets are full of what the small boy knows as “strawbashers.” 

On the 16th you will find never a one — on a student’s head, that is. As for the medical student, he seldom wears a straw hat at all, or anything in its place. It is his pride to go bareheaded, as it Is to wear a fancy waistcoat and turned up trouser ends. The arts and divinity men sedately avoid these last three fashions.—London Chronicle, 1910

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

How to Handle a Date with a Lush

When your date overdoes it on his alcohol consumption, to the point that you are steaming and seething at the table, you still have an obligation to be polite and mind your table manners while in public. (Take those elbows off the table) You are not required, however, to be a doormat or put your life in peril by accepting a ride home with him driving!

An Etiquipedia Q & A

As the Etiquipedia Site Editor I get many questions from readers. Here is a recent question from one disappointed young woman:

Q. I hope you have etiquette advice that can help me. I’m a fairly successful young woman. I pride myself on my figure and have worked hard to be a nicely dressed and pleasant date. I have had a few long term relationships, but have not found anyone yet I would like to really form a stronger and longer bond with until recently. A guy I know from my job (not a co-worker) asked me out to a very nice restaurant that I have long wanted to eat at. The date was really great until he started drinking before our dinner arrived. He must’ve had 3 or 4 drinks while I was still sipping my one glass of wine. I was trying to be a pleasant date despite his boozing throughout the meal, but I became embarrassed by his behavior and without him realizing it, called for an Uber to take me home. Did I handle this properly? My friends all tell me I over reacted and was rude. Was I? What should I do if this happens again?

A. Sadly, I understand and can empathize with your predicament, as I found myself on a few similar dates many years ago when I was single. Did you overreact? No. Especially if your date was very noticeably drunk. He was out on a date with his drink of choice, not with you. If he offers an apology, it’s your obligation to accept the apology politely, but think twice before accepting a second date. 

Now, regarding your Cinderella vanishing act… Were you rude? Yes. You get points for trying to make the most of a crummy situation, but to not in some way let your date know that you were seeking alternate transportation home was a faux pas. Whether or not he would have remembered you told him is immaterial. But, it was a social obligation on your part only to notify him. It was not, however, an obligation to ride home in a car being driven by someone drunk. 

If there is ever a next time, perhaps you can tip a restaurant employee on your way out, and ask him or her to inform your date of your sudden exit. It is the polite thing to do and your behavior cannot then be called into question.

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Spotlight on Amy Willcock

 Meet Amy Willcock, Cooking, Entertaining and Etiquette Authority, Writer, Hotelier, Creator of Award Winning Tablescapes, Etiquipedia Contributor and in our Contributor Spotlight for the Month of March 2026.

Amy Willcock is a successful writer of nine cookery and entertainment books. Born in Chicago, she moved to the UK in 1980. Specialising in country living and game recipes, Amy wrote a regular monthly column for The Shooting Gazette for over 19 years writing about food, country lifestyle and gundogs. During the Covid lockdown in Spring 2020, Amy started a new venture, KBO Cakes. The only way she could “send a slice of home” to her children serving in the forces and at university, was to send them a cake. “Nothing says ‘I’m thinking about you’ more than a homemade cake. Everyone needs a little morale booster every now and then.” says Amy.

Amy was previously in the hotel business - one of which, The George on the Isle of Wight, had a Michelin starred restaurant. Amy held Lifestyle, Cookery and Aga Workshops teaching people to cook, arrange flowers and set beautiful tables along with how to run a house. Her lifestyle and Aga workshops have been described as ‘finishing schools for people in their 30’s’ and Nigella Lawson wrote in Vogue, “Amy Willcock, hand holder to Aga owners everywhere.” 

Amy is a founder member of Yarmouth Women’s Institute, the subject of a BBC 4 documentary, and is a WI Cookery and Preserves judge. Amy has appeared on Market Kitchen, Kirstie’s Homemade Home, Celebrity Masterchef, and judged the perfect Sunday Lunch with John Torode and Gregg Wallace on Masterchef and is a regular Food and Lifestyle contributor to local radio. Amy lives in Yorkshire where she manages Warter Priory Shoot office, trains her gun dogs, endlessly entertaining friends and family.

Her lifestyle and Aga workshops have been described as ‘finishing schools for people in their 30’s’ and Nigella Lawson wrote in Vogue, “Amy Willcock, hand holder to Aga owners everywhere”.

Below are links to a few of Amy Willcock’s articles on etiquette and articles on her table settings you’ll find on Etiquipedia:

• Cheese Course History
• Cheese Course Etiquette
• A Parody of Manners
• Georgian and Regency Era Dining
• An Interview with Amy Willcock – on her first award winning place setting 

“Nothing says ‘I’m thinking about you’ more than a homemade cake. Everyone needs a little morale booster every now and then.” says Amy.

What was the impetus or pathway for starting a career or lifestyle involving Etiquette?
About 35 years ago I started to run cookery and lifestyle workshops in our hotel in South Wales to show people how to create and cook a menu for a three coursedinner or lunch with hints, tips and ideas to make entertaining as easy as possible and always ended the workshop with a tablesetting, at that time no one in the UK was talking about tablesettings. My catering background was very different from most Home Economists who ran cooking dems. I gave really useful “get ahead” information learned from hotel kitchens.Throughout my dems I would drop in interesting bon mots about entertaining in the past and how things came down from history and found their way onto our dining tables. A few years later we moved to the Isle of Wight opening another hotel, the George in Yarmouth. We were doing a lot of work on our house and installing a new Aga, I contacted Aga to go to an Aga dem but there weren’t any in my area as they didn’t have anyone to do the dems. I offered them my services, I went toAga who trained me and hey presto I added Aga demos to my repertoire. Word went around and I was contacted by Ebury Press to write an Aga cookbook and one book eventually became nine. 

I am passionate about old silver and love to find new uses for things, such as old silver napkin rings, you can use them for napkins but they also make super little individual tea lights when put on an old mirror. I find it really rewarding helping people become confident hosts and hostesses.

What (or who) do you find the most enjoyable with regard to Etiquette and your work? 
I am passionate about old silver and love to find new uses for things, such as old silver napkin rings, you can use them for napkins but they also make super little individual tea lights when put on an old mirror. I find it really rewarding helping people become confident hosts and hostesses. Etiquette was invented to make people feel comfortable, the difference between American and English table manners is as wide as the ocean that divides us! With good manners you can dine with duchesses and dustmen alike, and good manners puts everyone at their ease. As long as you are considerate to others you will be welcome whether you use the right fork or not! My favourite book and I have many, is a slim volume by Constance Spry called Hostess. Her advice is priceless and is as relevant now as it was when printed in the 1960’s.

Amy was our Best in Show Winner for our Etiquipedia International Place Setting Competition in 2023 after having won in 2022!

What do you find the most rewarding aspect of your career regarding Etiquette?
The most rewarding aspect of not etiquette, but good manners to me, is that my children know what to do and how to behave and are fully confident where ever they go and with whomever they are with. 

What age group do you enjoy working with most when it comes to etiquette? And why? 
I enjoy teaching and helping anyone young or old to become confident cooks and I especially like helping people to feel confident in whatever situation they find themselves in. I must admit I don’t think “sugar tongs” manners are particularly relevant to anyone and look ridiculous, but good manners, especially table manners are vital to everyday living. Nothing sets my teeth on edge more than bad table manners.  

Who are some of the older etiquette authors or authorities you enjoy reading most?
My favourite book is called Hostess by Constance Spry, I have a first edition from the 1960’s and I also have a first edition Amy Vanderbilt that was given to my father when he went off to college in the 1950’s.

What types of classes or training do you offer, if any? If you don’t offer classes or training, how do you share your expertise? 
I am going to start doing dems again, I met a woman earlier this year who reminded me how much fun they were and how she learned so much so I am going to start doing them on line, a new adventure for me.

To reach Amy, you can contact her at amy@kbocakes.co.uk or follow her on Instagram @Amy_Willcock

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Prom Etiquette for Young People

  

Make your date feel special, and do not leave her with her friends all night, she spent a lot of time getting ready. — And not mentioned in the article, but very polite, if another young man asks to ‘cut in’ and dance with your date, graciously allow him to at least once.

Proper Etiquette and a Successful Prom

Although there are many ways to approach the festivities of Prom, there are a few guidelines that will make it more enjoyable, smooth, and memorable. Etiquette coach Kim R. Wilson explains what to do and what not to do:

For Ladies

1. Manners matter: Always remember to say please and thank you. 

2. Eating is a skill: Use the proper silverware by starting with the outside and working your way in. Put your napkin on your lap to keep from spilling on your dress. Remove your gloves during dinner. 

3. Accessorize: Wear a wrap or a shawl around your shoulders over a strapless dress. Do not wear rings over your gloves. Do wear your bracelet over your gloves. 

4. You and your date: Make all entrances with your date, and especially do not walk in front or behind them. Do go to Prom with a date who will pull your chair out at dinner. Tell your date how handsome he looks. Be on time, he’s nervous enough as it is. 

5. Alternative: Do not be afraid to go with your girl friends to Prom. Think of it as “less stress.” 

For Gentlemen

1. Manners matter: Do not seat yourself when a lady is standing. Do stand when- a lady excuses herself from the table. Pull her chair out when being seated. 

2. You and your date: Do not enter a room before your date unless you are turning on the light for her. Check her wrap in for her at hotels and restaurants. Make all entrances with her. Do ask another woman to help pick out the corsage and be sure to match the color to the color of your date’s dress. Do not forget to tell her how beautiful she looks. 

3. Look and feel good: Do wear your best cologne, but do not completely drench yourself in it. Do not forget your cash. Do not drink and drive. Make your date feel special, and do not leave her with her friends all night, she spent a lot of time getting ready.— Woodside World, 2007

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Japan’s Chopstick Etiquette Dilemma

Did you know? In Japan, fewer and fewer people know how to use chopsticks properly each year. For example, according to a government food culture survey conducted in 2010, only 54.2% of people 18 and older hold chopsticks correctly.

Chopsticks. In the modern world, depending on tradition, people eat with their hands, utensils, and chopsticks. Since I live in Japan, I'd like to talk about a specialty of table etiquette: chopsticks. 

I'd like to point out that there's an International Chopsticks Day, celebrated on February 6th. This day symbolizes the appreciation of this ancient Asian utensil. 

Chopsticks originated in China around 5,000 years ago, and the tradition later spread to Japan, Korea, and Vietnam. The festival aims to promote East Asian food culture, develop fine motor skills, and highlight the convenience of using chopsticks.

About 30% of the world's population uses chopsticks. They are a very versatile utensil – they can be used to pick up rice or noodles, cut fish, stir soup, wrap sushi, hold solid food while drinking liquids, scoop up food, pick out bones, and so on.

Chopsticks originated in China around 5,000 years ago, and the tradition later spread to Japan, Korea, and Vietnam. The festival aims to promote East Asian food culture, develop fine motor skills, and highlight the convenience of using chopsticks. 

Interestingly, using chopsticks engages over 30 joints and muscles, developing fine motor skills and stimulating brain function.

Chopsticks are made from various materials. Japanese chopsticks are primarily made from wood or bamboo, while in East Asia, metals are also used, such as in Korea, and ivory and plastic, such as in China. ⠀ 

I'd like to note that Japan also celebrates this day on August 4th. Chopsticks in Japan symbolize longevity and good fortune and are called "o-hashi," a polite prefix. This is a recommended gift, especially for newlyweds. Each family member uses their own chopsticks.

According to Japanese etiquette, when eating with chopsticks, one must not place the chopsticks vertically in the dish, pass food from one set of chopsticks to another, or use the same dish with other diners. These actions are performed during the farewell ceremony according to Buddhist tradition. 

Other taboos also exist: waving chopsticks, pointing at people or objects, banging chopsticks, and moving cutlery and dishes.

I'm often asked, "What's the proper way to hold chopsticks?" Even in Japan, fewer and fewer people know how to use chopsticks properly each year. For example, according to a government food culture survey conducted in 2010, only 54.2% of people 18 and older hold chopsticks correctly.

Chopsticks should be held and held like this:
1) Hold one chopstick approximately one-third of the way up between the thumb and index finger, holding it from below with the middle finger; 

2) Place the top of the second chopstick on the base of the thumb, and below it on the last phalanx of the ring finger, approximately at the base of the nail; 

3) Hold the chopsticks this way, and try to move their ends together and apart. They should always be somewhat apart at the top;  

4) Practice grasping small objects with the chopsticks, such as peanuts or corn.

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Ancient vs 20th C. Glove Etiquette

By the time this article was written, glove and hat etiquette for men and women attending houses of worship, had changed greatly over the centuries. By the dawn, and now the early years, of the 21st century, hats and gloves have fallen in use for many. They are rarely seen outside of inclement weather and the most formal of occasions.

  

Ancient Etiquette oF Gloves.

In the middle ages etiquette with regard to gloves was far more stringent then, than at present. For instance, no one as permitted to enter a church wearing gloves, which were considered just as much out of place as it would nowadays for a man to remain in any sacred edifice with a hat on. — The Fresno Bee, 1903

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Japan’s Etiquette and Setsubun

February 3rd is the traditional holiday of Setsubun, which marks the end of the seasons. It's essentially the New Year.

February is a month for the New Year celebration in the East. For example, in China, the Lunar New Year began on February 17th this year, and will be celebrated until March 3rd. In Japan, where I live, February 3rd is the traditional holiday of Setsubun, which marks the end of the seasons. It's essentially the New Year.

Traditionally, the year begins with spring. Even when talking about the arrival of the New Year, they use the expression "Haru o mukaeru" (春を迎える). Translated from Japanese, it means "Welcome spring." February 3rd is the start of the New Year according to the solar calendar.

First, you should eat soybeans (mame) equal to your age plus one bean to become healthier. These beans are sold in all supermarkets, and in large stores, in the lead-up to the holiday…

There are a number of traditions that are traditionally observed on February 3rd. First, you should eat soybeans (mame) equal to your age plus one bean to become healthier. These beans are sold in all supermarkets, and in large stores, in the lead-up to the holiday, they broadcast audio narration about the holiday. The beans are called "fukumame," meaning "lucky beans." This is how the tradition is passed on to new generations.

Celebrities, such as sumo wrestlers, renowned athletes, and famous actors, are invited to participate.

Secondly, on February 3rd, it's customary to scatter these beans at Shinto shrines. Celebrities, such as sumo wrestlers, renowned athletes, and famous actors, are invited to participate. Thirdly, it's essential to eat ehomaki rice rolls. These are rolls of the "auspicious direction." According to etiquette, ehomaki should be eaten silently and with your eyes closed, facing the auspicious direction, so that your wish will come true. The roll must be eaten in one go, without cutting it with a knife.

In 2026, the lucky direction is south - southeast (closer to the south). Incidentally, according to Chinese tradition, the god of wealth also arrives from the south on February 17th this year. This is how the traditions of the two countries intertwine. Ehomaki contains seven ingredients, symbolizing the seven gods of fortune. Kapyo (seaweed) symbolizes longevity, shiitake mushrooms symbolize protection from evil, omelet symbolizes good luck, eel symbolizes promotion and longevity, shrimp symbolizes longevity, cucumber symbolizes vitality and growth, and sakura denbu (crushed dried sea bream with added sugar and soy sauce) symbolizes celebration.

Since ancient times, one family member, usually a man, would wear a "demon" mask, and all family members would throw beans at him. 

Fourth, the mamemaki ritual is performed, which is aimed at driving away evil forces. It is customary to scatter beans while reciting the phrase: "Oni-wa soto! Fuku-wa uchi!" — "Demons out! Happiness into the house!" Since ancient times, one family member, usually a man, would wear a "demon" mask, and all family members would throw beans at him. According to tradition, this was supposed to ward off evil spirits and ill intentions, and also to ensure prosperity and good health for the coming year. Happy spring! May happiness and prosperity come to your homes!

By contributor, Elena Gavrilina-Fujiyama especially for Etiquipedia. Elena is a specialist in Japanese protocol and etiquette, and European social etiquette. The founder of the project Etiquette748, Elena is also a member of the National Association of Specialists of Protocol. She authored the best-selling book “Japanese Etiquette: Ancient Traditions and Modern Rules” after living in Japan for over 20 years. Elena recently was awarded the Diploma of the World Prize “Woman of the Russian World” in the category “Entrepreneurship” (Japan). The theme of the 2024 award is “Preservation and strengthening of the traditional family values.”

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia