1904 “Courtesy Day” Gathering

Burke says: “Good manners are of more importance than law, for upon them the law depends.” — Courtesy actually is contagious… Try spreading some around and see for yourself!

HOSPITALITY A FINE ART

A Paper by Mrs. Alice Colburn at the “Courtesy Day" Gathering Tuesday

Ninth Ward Mothers’ Club Welcomes Representatives of Federated Clubs at Second Congregational Church - Notes of the Session

“Courtesy Day,” which was inaugurated Tuesday afternoon at the Second Congregational church, by the Ninth ward Mothers’ society, and participated in by all the Federated clubs, was a most enjoyable affair, and proved conclusively that club women know how to co-operate - cordially and heartily - in all things which tend to mutual helpfulness.

The church was beautifully decorated in white and green. The officers of the Federation and presidents of the several clubs, occupied the platform with Mrs. Sechrist, President of the Ninth Ward Mothers’ society, In the chair. Mrs. Evans opened the program with instrumental music. Mrs. Sechrist led in the Lord’s prayer, after which she welcomed the guests most cordially, and in a happy fashion, Mrs. Carey responded for the Federation. Mrs. Langworthy tendered the greetings of the San Diego club: Mrs. Hubbs for the Sherman Heights Mothers’ club; Mrs. Johnson for Pacific Beach: Mrs. Slocum the National City Mothers’ society: Miss Hale the Channing club, and Miss Thompson the Shakespeare club.

A delightful song was then sung by Mrs. N. E. Van Haren. Miss Hale tendered the greeting of the East school teachers, and Mrs. Crawford followed with a recitation of one of Browning’s poems, given, with much expression. Mrs. Comfort, Vice President of the Federation, was then called for, and though she said she “didn't belong anywhere,” she made a very bright, happy speech. Mrs. Gates, whom the club is always glad to have with it, sang a beautiful song, and graciously responded to an encore. 

A FINE ART

Mrs. Alice Colburn read the paper of the afternoon, “Hospitality as a Fine Art.” She said that the man who made the first map of the earth’s surface had a comparatively easy task, for he was not obliged to respect the prejudices or the land marks of his predecessors. But the last maker of atlases has a very different work; not an island or a cape can he omit, and yet he is supposed to create a new work. There is much the same difficulty in trying to write a new discourse on so old a theme as pleasant words and agreeable manners. We live in an age of good breeding, an atmosphere of kindly courtesy and tactful manners. We are preeminently freedom loving people. 

“In America there is no person, or set of persons, who has a right to dictate to us as to our social conduct. But there exists no difference of opinion as to the genral principles on which good manners are founded. In European countries it is the privilege of the court to lay down the laws which govern all, social etiquette. To be loved is the desire of all to be respected, honored and successful, is the universal ambition. We strive for the acquisition of wealth, social distinction, and when we have so attained and sum It all up, the real enjoyment lies in the kindly courtesies and words which have been bestowed upon us. Contentment and love are the two important factors which bring happiness. 

“Burke says: ‘Good manners are of more importance than law, for upon them the law depends.’  Emerson says ‘manners are the revealers of secrets, the betrayers of any disproportionments in mind and character.’ The bond between host and guest has at all times been considered of a peculiar, even sacred, character. In ancient Rome hospitality was a matter of religion, and a violation of its duties was thought to provoke the wrath of the gods. A stranger was guarded from harm during his stay, and upon leaving was presented with gifts, and a love token was broken between them. 

“The customs of the Italians were similar to those of the Greeks. The Englishmen’s views are different; love of liberty and a fondness for domestic life are the strongest traits of the Briton. He therefore places his home and surroundings at the disposal of his guest, that he may employ his time as best suits him until the dinner hour, when he is expected to contribute his share to the general enjoyment. The hospitality of the Jews is so sacred, so picturesque in detail, that we involuntarily accord it our mutual respect. The French value most highly the conversational powers, and consider the mere supplying of food and drink as inferior hospitality.

"We Americans are as active and energetic in hospitality and in other things, and are apt to weary our guests with too many amusements, and a surplus of entertainment. Kindly words, cordiality and politeness, should govern the home, and the guest should be made to feel that he or she belongs there for the time being. One of the most striking changes in our manners is to be found in the surrender of the scepter of hospitality to the hands of woman. The host has become of little importance. 

“A truly hospitable woman does not keep too strict a credit account with society. It is said that country people are the most hospitable, and we go to the country because we are tired of the town, and wish for rest and quiet- and something genuine. Entertainment is an art which requires much study.

“One who can readily adapt herself to her surroundings is much to be envied. The guest is equally responsible with her hostess for the enjoyment of her visit, and should be responsive and show appreciation of all efforts made to entertain her. Time was when it was considered ill-bred to praise any of our hostess belongings - pictures, the artistic setting of a room, pretty china, etc…. But we have become more sensible; tactful, sincere praise and words of appreciation bring happiness, 

“Someone has said: ‘Womanhood is more than minatory power, law or wealth, no race can rise higher than the quality and character of its women. Years of training may be ruined by the lack of right influence and encouragement.’

“The question is asked, ‘Is society of any use to mankind?’ If we use it simply from a selfish motive, we can hardly expect to be benefitted, but if we go into it with the true desire to do and get all, the good we can, it will be truly helpful. It is evident that good, must predominate, or society with its rules, its petty laws, its great warm life, would long since have faded into nothing.”

NO DISCUSSION 

This most enjoyable paper was listened to with intense interest. There was room though for discussion. Mrs. Langworthy was called upon to answer numerous questions, and give much information concerning the coming biennial, which many club women are anticipating. A social hour, with light refreshments, followed, and the guests voted the first “courtesy day” a decided success. — The San Diego Daily Union, 1904

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Dining Etiquette of Kings and Queens

It is said that King Edward VII made many changes to Dining in England during his time is King. He famously banished fish knives and forks from royal dining tables, condemning them as “very common.” This sentiment reflected a class divide of the era, where the upper-class “old money” aristocracy viewed the use of specialized fish cutlery as a tacky trait of the newly rich. The aristocracy used a fork on both the right and left sides of the plate to eat their fish. The King was also the one who started the custom of eating asparagus with his fingers at the table, and It was during the Edwardian Era that women could go into a restaurants on accompanied by men for the first time and feel comfortable. — An intimate table with settings fit for a King or Queen

Unique Principles of Table Etiquette of the European Monarchies

Among the Royal Courts of Europe, the dining table has always been far more than a place to eat. It is a stage — carefully choreographed, rich in symbolism and steeped in centuries of tradition. And yet, while the Monarchies of Europe share a common foundation of formal dining protocol, fascinating differences reveal the distinct character of each royal house.

In Britain, the Royal table is governed by strict precedence. Guests follow the sovereign's lead in all things — no one begins eating before the Monarch, and no one continues once the King or Queen has finished. Menus at Buckingham Palace were traditionally written in French for centuries, a custom only recently relaxed. The placement of cutlery, the folding of napkins and the sequence of courses follow rules that have changed little in over a hundred years.

The Spanish Royal House blends formal European protocol with the warmth characteristic of Spanish culture. The *sobremesa* — that cherished post-meal conversation — finds its place even at the most formal of royal tables, reflecting the deeply human side of Spanish hospitality.

In Sweden, Norway and Denmark, the Scandinavian Monarchies maintain formal protocol while embracing a notably more relaxed and egalitarian spirit at the table. Toasts are an important ritual, led by the host, and eye contact during a toast is considered a mark of sincerity and respect.

What unites all European Royal tables, however, is the understanding that dining is a diplomatic art. Every detail — from the arrangement of crystal to the order of precedence at seating — communicates respect, hierarchy and cultural identity.

True elegance is never accidental. It is the result of intention, hard work, knowledge and a genuine desire to honor those seated beside you.

Meet our newest contributor, Isabel. E. Martinez, who was educated in Business Management at the Universidad Católica Andrés Bello, in Caracas, Venezuela. After relocating for a few years to Miami, Florida, Isabel developed a company teaching computer skills. Among her clients were Baccardi in Bermuda, and Mavesa, Telcel (Movistar), and Heinz in Venezuela. That is when she discovered her passion for teaching. As her children became adults, she shifted her focus and dedicated her time to teach on subjects she is very passionate about; Hospitality and Table Etiquette. Throughout workshops in English and in Spanish, Isabel works with employees in the hospitality industry, and those business professionals who when interacting with customers, would like to make sure that they are the most professional representations of their companies. Especially when attending business lunches and events. She also offers youth and teen courses in etiquette, helping them to excel with integrity and pride in whatever field they desire to pursue. To learn more about Isabel, visit her website: www.learningschool2.com or @isasetiquette 

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Etiquette and “Dudes”

“There is a class of those female dudes in Washington who esteem it the proper performance to chatter in bad French at all times and upon all occasions. A bevy of these young women approached Madame de Struve at a reception in the White House, and began chattering in a more or less broken French…” — Baron de Struve and Baroness de Struve. Baron de Struve was a Russian Minister and the Baroness was a highly popular gilded age guest in diplomatic circles. — Public domain image of Baron and Baroness de Struve, courtesy of Wikipedia 

A WASHINGTON EPISODE

That Had a Pointer in It for Those Who Ape Foreign Manners

Baron de Struve, the Russian minister, and his wife are among the most popular people of the diplomatic circle in Washington. They are utterly simple and sincere, and are completely captivated by all things American. Madame de Struve is a very intelligent woman, but utterly without ostentation, and thoroughly a lady in all the best meaning of the term. The baron is as plain a man as a Maryland farmer, and both pay America the delicate compliment of seeking to appear American in all things.

The Baroness one day recently, showed her quick knowledge and appreciation of the fine points of etiquette, and at the same time fittingly rebuked a pert young American miss in a manner that will not soon be forgotten, and that should be told for the benefit of other similar young women who ape foreign airs, cultivate foreign tongues, and think it the proper thing to shrug one’s shoulders, elevate one’s eyebrows, and turn the palms of one’s hands outward in all the essence of depreciation at the mention of their own country.

There is a class of those female dudes in Washington who esteem it the proper performance to chatter in bad French at all times and upon all occasions. A bevy of these young women approached Madame de Struve at a reception in the White House, and began chattering in a more or less broken French, and she replied in her rather lame English:

“Why,” said one of the party, “do you not speak French, madam? I am sure you must be able to speak it.” The Baroness gave them a keen glance and replied, “Yes, I speak French, but not in the house of the American President. Though I speak English poorly, I speak it here as well as I can.”

The party were not dull enough to miss the rebuke in the calm and lady-like remark, and the baroness continued: “I do not like to speak French any where. It is a foolish and frivolous language and I dislike it. Why should one use it when one can express herself in the English, which is the noblest and best language in the world, as America is the greatest and grandest nation in the world. I am proud to speak in the language of the Americans.”

The giddy young misses began to converse in English, at least while in Madame de Struve’s presence. Some of them told the story, and its circulation caused the young lady who wondered that the Baroness did not speak French, some mortification. — Cincinnati Commercial Gazette, 1885

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Indian Food Culture

India’s food culture is monolithic. From the tip of the south to the very north, there are thousands of variations found in home-style cooking, restaurants’ specialities and street vendors, each will vary slightly across every state and region. I thought that over the years of patronizing Indian restaurants in Australia, I knew what to expect, gauging from the menu, but the enormity of choice outshines the Australian offerings. Once I lived in India, I realized Australian Indo-Pakistani restaurants taint food to be more palatable for the Western public and open to a wider paying audience.

Launched in 2002 and initiated by the Ministry of Tourism with the tagline “Incredible India,” featuring Bollywood actors such as Aamir Khan, Amitabh Bachchan, and Priyanka Chopra, the ads seduced people to travel to India, and they had quite an effect on me. It captivated my mind and tingled my taste buds. I couldn’t wait, I knew one day I would go…

India's food culture is monolithic. From the tip of the south to the very north, there are thousands of variations found in home-style cooking, restaurants' specialities and street vendors, each will vary slightly across every state and region. I thought that over the years of patronising Indian restaurants in Australia, I knew what to expect, gauging from the menu, but the enormity of choice outshines the Australian offerings. Once I lived in India, I realised Australian Indo-Pakistani restaurants taint food to be more palatable for the Western public and open to a wider paying audience.

Can Tourist Eat Street Food in India and is it Safe?

Street food is for the brave and adventurous. Food is never served plain and gloves are not used. Yes, there were times I got sick, and I recovered after a day or two. Whilst living in Mumbai, I appreciated the small stalls on the side of the street. I would visit regulars who knew me by name.

Please note: if you feel that eating street food, as described below, may put your health at risk, go to a reputable day restaurant and order the same meals there, which will be more expensive but just as good. Also, each restaurant or street vendor – wala, has its own family recipe and it will vary state to state or even street to street. Good street stalls are only open for a few hours, so ask locals for recommendations.

What is the Most Popular Street Food in Mumbai?

How did I initially go about approaching these stalls by myself? I would wait till people were milling about the wala. If there were a fair number of people, I knew it was ‘hygienic enough’ and would watch the food he was serving, how he served it and how people ate the dish. I would approach and point to a person’s food or point to the picture that was wrapped around his cart.

Breakfast

Samosa or Vada Pav: this is a fried vegetarian samosa or vada pav, a fried potato patty placed into a very soft bread roll with two types of chutneys – coriander and mint: savory and tamarind: sweet. Once the wala puts the samosa into the bread roll, he may hand it to you on a recycled newspaper with one or two fried whole chilli. This is definitely finger food, no etiquette required.

Chai or Coffee: chai is tea in Hindi. Boiled tea with milk and sugar, with a dash of ginger, is served so hot that you have to wait for it to cool down. You will be given tea in small medicine-type cups on the street. If you are in a rush, you will have to blow on it to cool it down. You may be provided a pottery cup without handles, wrap a serviette around it so you are able to drink from it because of the heat. In restaurants, you can be given a brass Dabara Set, which is a handleless cup with a tumbler. You can pour your coffee or tea, instead of blowing on it into the tumbler, then back into your cup and over again until it cools. You can also drink from the tumbler. I’ve seen Aunties and Uncles pouring their chai from their handleless cup to their saucer, drinking their cooled tea from their saucer.

Lunch

Pav Bhaji: fresh, thick spicy vegetable curry served with a soft buttered bread roll. This dish is put into a tray, and you will use the bread to pick up the fresh curry to eat. You will tear a piece of bread using the ‘La Scarpetta' method, which means using the bread like a shoe, ‘walking’ across the tray, cleaning up the star of the meal. Sit down while eating this simple yet tasty meal. If you have finished your bread roll, you can ask for another or ask for a spoon to eat the last remnants of curry.

Dosa: is an ultra-thin, crunchy, savoury batter bread made from a fermented batter of ground black gram and rice. Dosas are served hot with a filling inside. You can choose the filling to be vegetarian or paneer. The dosa will come with side dishes such as coconut chutney and sambar. Sambar is a tangy lentil vegetable stew. You break a piece of dosa with its filling, dipping it into the sambar or chutney before eating. This is a meal you need to sit down as you will need the space and definitely you will be eating with your fingers. You will be laughed at for using a fork and a knife. I’ve been in five-star hotels where I have seen celebrities and the rich of India use their fingers to eat these delicious dishes.

Afternoon Tea

Bombay Sandwich: is flat white sliced bread with thinly sliced layered vegetables like potatoes, beetroot, tomatoes, onions, and cucumber with a spread of spicy green chutney, then toasted. This is a great food to eat standing up or while on the run. It will be wrapped in yesterday's newspaper or pages from a kids' workbook. I loved this street food as it was just what I needed, replacing lunch without spending too much time in a restaurant or cooking for myself at home.

Before Dinner

Pani Puri: is a disc that, when it is deep-fried, becomes a shell, hollowed out for a filling such as potatoes or chickpeas, and dipped in flavoured sauces such as coriander and mint and sweet tamarind sauce. Depending on the wala, he will provide approx. Six to seven rounds and will serve up to three to four people at a time, taking it in turns to fill each puri and serve it to you, with it filled with sauces on a foil bowl, which you eat instantly whole using your fingers, bringing the bowl to your mouth. Your fingers will become wet, the wala will provide you with a napkin. The last puri served will be dry, to indicate to you that the meal is over.

Bhelpuri: is a savoury snack or chaat, made of puffed rice, crunchy puris, peanuts and sev, which are layered with ingredients such as potato and onion, tomato and topped with chutneys such as coriander and tamarind chutney. You can eat this standing around the food station, using a spoon or a flat papdi, which is a round cracker. This is a snack you would have before dinner, which would be served around 8-9 pm at night. Happy Eating!

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1940s Etiquette Rules and Cosmetics

One 1940’s college newspaper article gave a warning to young American women, regarding ‘Lillian the Leech’ advising not to loan her your new face powder. Loaning personal items to friends can always be risky. This is a health issue and one can easily spread pimple causing bacteria, pink-eye, lice or worse, among other reasons — “Take for example the case of ‘Lillian the Leech.’ She is always borrowing your comb, lipstick, pencil, or bobby pins. She doesn't just ask you for them once in a while, but so often that you wonder if she even has any cosmetics.”

Modeling Expert Gives Rules for Pretty Faces

The trend in lipstick, as Peggy Healey sees it, is darker for blondes and lighter for brunettes. Peggy, who told us this as she smiled across a big desk at the models agency, has seen a lot of makeup in five years of dashing across Europe and America, modeling fashions and posing for photographs.

She is a blonde herself, and thinks the darker makeup gives her an exotic flare, especially, in the evening. And televised blondes find darker lipstick reproduces better. Peggy is a living example of what three simple rules do for pretty faces. These are the rules:

Cleanliness really is next to godliness. (Peggy favors cold showers and plenty of soap and water for her face. She doesn't depend on a lot of creams.) Foundation makeup should be chosen carefully for each skin. Practice in applying makeup is the surest way to get that essential natural look.

Eye makeup, Peggy says, is very important these days. It takes time, too. Black mascara is the thing. Omit eye shadows if you have large eyes. You can make small eyes lovelier by pencilling a tiny line from the inner corner of the eye, across the lashes out and up a bit at the outer corner. — (AP) Feature Service, 1940

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Culture in Kenya

Kenya has over 40 groups that speak their own languages and all have their own etiquette intricacies. Avoid speaking badly of either Kenya, its religions, food, education, or any of its ethnicities, as many are proud supporters and gatekeepers of these points of life and living.

Are you familiar with the 2006 movie The Devil Wears Prada? Early in the film, the character “Nigel” yells, “Gird your loins!” when he hears Miranda Priestly, editor of Runway magazine, is arriving early, sending the office into a frenzy. I really love that phrase “gird your loins!” because it means to prepare yourself mentally, emotionally and physically for what is to come.

When I arrived in Nairobi, I had to “gird my loins” it was so busy, lots of beeping, lots of people, lots of things simultaneously happening. It was early in the morning, and the place was already buzzing. This set the tone for the rest of the trip.

Kenya Cultural Expectations and Etiquette

Kenya has a very rich history and demographics. Kenya is surrounded by Tanzania, Uganda, Sudan, Ethiopia and Somalia. It has had humans living there since the Paleolithic era and in the recent 500 years has had a mixture of Persian, Arab, Portuguese, Omani, and British rule, who brought Indians for the cultivation of plantations. Today, it has over 40 groups that speak their own languages and all have their own etiquette intricacies. Avoid speaking badly of either Kenya, its religions, food, education, or any of its ethnicities, as many are proud supporters and gatekeepers of these points of life and living.

Greetings are essential in Kenya, so as not to offend. If you don’t greet and you want to build trust personally and in business, you most likely will be seen as aloof. Generally, it will be man-to-man and woman-to-woman. In a room full of people, you will have to take your time and greet each person personally. 

Respecting the elderly and greeting them when invited to a local house is essential. Those greeting the elderly need to stand up when greeting them and use both hands in the handshake, or gently hold your forearm (shaking arm) while shaking with the other person. Greetings help to avoid hugging and kissing on the cheeks when you don’t know the person.

The most common spoken language in Kenya is Swahili, but most business language will be English. Many Kenyans will appreciate the work you do in trying to speak their country's language. 

Here are a few Swahili greetings to get you started:

· Jambo or Hujambo: Hello.

· In response say: Sijambo - I am fine

· Missouri -fine or ‘missouri sana - very well

· Habari?: How are you?

· Mambo?: What's up? or How are things?

· Shikamoo: Respectful greeting for elders or authority figures.

· In response say: Marahaba

· Asante: Thank you

· Karibu: Welcome

If you want to win points, use this:

· Habari ya familia yako?: What is the news of your family?

· Bwana: Sir or Mr

· Bi: Madam or Mrs

· Mzee : Older or elderly man

· Mama: Mother or elderly woman

· Baba: Father or older man

· Dada: Sister or young female

· Kaka: Brother or young man

Dining Food and Etiquette in Kenya

Kenya is a major exporter of tea, and no doubt you would have drunk Kenyan tea from brands such as Lipton, PG Tips, Twinings, Yorkshire Tea, or Tetley. When you visit a person’s house, you will be served tea in the same manner as in India, by boiling it with milk and sugar. Spices such as cinnamon, cardamom, or ginger may be added and the tea will be served with foods such as bread, samosas or mandazi – fried bread. When invited to a local’s house, don’t be surprised if the Kenyan guests arrive 30-40 minutes late, as time is flexible. Common gifts to bring to the hosts are flowers and tea or something special from the country you are from.

Family and food are important to Kenyans. So, complimenting the cook and taking care not to waste any food is essential. Passing and eating from both hands is correct never just pass with just the left hand. Children and adults may eat separately and at times men and elderly may be served first before women in attendance. Each family will have its own ways of eating, according to tribal customs or modernizations.

Traveling Through Kenya and Safari Parks

It is essential to your safety to listen carefully to park rangers when visiting Safari Parks. I remember staying overnight at one Safari Park. We all slept in tents, sharing a toilet with other tourists. We were warned not to go wandering at night as there were leopards and lions on the prowl. I promptly zipped up my tent with my friend inside and never came out till the morning. All park rangers carry guns to protect everyone from these sorts of attacks. Always treat those who are locals, such as the Maasai people, with dignity and respect. They earn their living today from tourists and remember they are allowing us into their lives and land.

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Rules Given for Hat Etiquette

With dressmaker ensembles bonnets, halo hats, cavalier, or any soft shapes are suitable.      

A prominent type designer gives a group of rules for hat etiquette, which should prove helpful to the autumn hat purchaser. For sportswear, the fedora or Breton sailor are advocated. Tailored street wear requires the pillbox, or the sailor type hat.

With dressmaker ensembles bonnets, halo hats, cavalier, or any soft shapes are suitable. Small or tall hats in the same styles suitable for dressmaker clothes are to be worn with fur coats.— By a Designer The Vanguard, 1940

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Early European Rules of Conduct

A physician and a religious reformer, “Arnaud de Villaneuve, explained the role of sobriety and moderation in alleviating dullness and lassitude.” He lived from c. 1240–1311.
– Public domain image source, Wikipedia 

Some of the guidelines for good manners sprang from sound principles of health and safety. For example, Petrus Alphonsi's admonition about chewing thoroughly before swallowing is sensible advice to prevent choking. For the conclusion of the meal, he admonished: “After eating, ask for hand-water, for this is required by medical teaching and it is the decent and easy thing to do.” A fourteenth-century treatise on dining by Arnaud de Villaneuve, a physician and chemist from Montpellier, France, explained the role of sobriety and moderation in alleviating dullness and lassitude.

One author of a courtesy book, Francesc Eiximenis, a Franciscan friar from Catalonia, inveighed strongly against gobbling food and drinking too much. Chapters 29 thru 37 of his text covers rules of conduct similar to those of Bonvesin. Concerning women, Eiximenes thought it best to sit beside rather than opposite a lady. He warned about spraying other diners with food, picking the teeth, and over doing compliments to the host. He suggested that guests go to the toilet to rid the body of gas before sitting down at table. Serving with style and avoiding rude behavior during meals was, to Eiximenis, a form of patriotism — A way of elevating Catalonia among other European states.

In Germany, Tischzuchten (table etiquette guides), including author Sebastian Brant’s satiric “Das Narrenschiff” (Ship of Fools, 1454) established the importance of propriety at table, including hand washing before meals. Renaissance guides moved from simple admonitions against unseemly behavior in serving and dining towards matters of deference to lords and ladies. Unlike medieval etiquette specialists, Baldassare Castiglione, author of Il Libro del Cortegiano (The Book of the Coutier, 1528), emphasized grace and elegance over pragmatism. 

One mark of elegance was the male diner’s spreading of his napkin over one shoulder as opposed to the female custom of covering the lap. Less pretentious and status conscious was the Dutch humanist scholar Erasmus, who published De Civiltate Morum Puerilium (On Civility in Boys in 1530), which took up such matters as the wiping of greasy fingers and blowing the nose at table.

To avoid excesses and indignities, the English consulted such texts as Youth's Behavior, or Decency in Conversation Among Men, 1640, an anonymous work that remained a handy touchstone into the time of George Washington. The first printed guide, The Fine Gentleman’s Etiquette; or Lord Chesterfield’s Advice to His Son Verified, 1776, established pecking order between underlings and their superiors who could retaliate against discourtesy with a vengeance or ostracism. In 1800, Domestic Management offered such instruction to the house wife as to how to improve servants' manners. 

The footman, according to the text, should learn to open lobster claws in the kitchen rather than in the view of the dining room door. Gradually, the rules of proper behavior trickled down to the middle class via such books as Etiquette, or A Guide to the Usages of Society, 1836, which offered warnings against vulgarity or improprieties that would offend their betters. Thus, newcomers to wealth learned how to conceal their social inexperience. –From Encyclopedia of Kitchen History - Mary Ellen Snodgrass, 2004

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia