Etiquette When Visiting Australia

Australian actor, Paul Hogan… “I'll slip an extra shrimp on the barbie for you” together with the ad’s byline “Come and Say G’day”. Both of these phrases were made famous not only worldwide, but also in Australia. — Pictures from www.nfsa.gov.au https://www.nfsa.gov.au/collection/item/shrimp-barbie-paul-hogan

One of the most famous advertisements encouraging people to travel to the ‘Land Down Under’ featured an Australian actor, Paul Hogan, made famous by the movie ‘Crocodile Dundee’. The Australian Tourism Commission, during the 80’s, coined a phrase which went viral, “I'll slip an extra shrimp on the barbie for you” together with the ad’s byline “Come and Say G’day”. Not only had both of these phrases been made famous worldwide, but also in Australia. We all said it at one time; it was really catchy.

Something I need you to know before you come to Australia….we actually don’t say shrimp! We say prawns. As this ad was targeting those Americans, the word prawn was exchanged. Australia is a unique country. When traveling, you will find each state is different and has its own history, attitudes, vibe and weather.

History of Australia

The Indigenous people of Australia, known as Aboriginals and Torres Strait Islanders, were the original custodians of the land, making their way from Southeast Asia. From the 17thcentury, Dutch navigators discovered land by sailing around the western and southern coasts, naming it New Holland. Lieutenant James Cook, in 1770, explored the east coast and declared it for Great Britain. Australia’s name came from the Portuguese term noted in 1606 by explorer Pedro Fernandes de Queirós, referring to the island of New Guinea and beyond as ‘La Austrialia del Espiritu Santo’. This term changed to ‘Terra Australis Incognita’ from the Latin for ‘Unknown South Land,’ and then in 1814 changed to Australia.

Due to mass overcrowding in prisons in Great Britain in 1788, Australia was used as a penal colony. As a result, those from England, Wales, Scotland and Ireland settled and dispossessed Aboriginals and Torres Strait Islanders and treated them as they previously treated those who lived in South America, India, and the Caribbean. Eventually, by 1901, Australia became the Commonwealth of Australia and became a federation of six self-governing states, after a resolution was passed in the British Parliament.

Today, Australia is a very multicultural country. Throughout history, Australia has needed the influx of migrants to help grow and expand the Australian economy and rugged land. Global conflicts, including both World Wars and the Vietnam War, caused major waves of immigration from Europe and Asia, and other international territories.

Australian Etiquette – Do’s and Don’ts

Informal greetings are appropriate in an Australian social setting, always use a person’s first name unless you are told otherwise. The most common verbal introduction is Hey, Hello or Hi. In-country and remote areas, some Australians will use slang such as G’day or G’day mate. In the city areas, you will hear introductions such as Hey, how are you? Your response should be, I’m good, thanks. How are you? This will help you break the ice. Commonly used greetings are handshakes, and a head nod is a standard greeting amongst men and some women. Australians do have an accent that is recognisable worldwide. The accent can change depending on the state they are from.

Making sure that your handshake is firm hand and eye contact is made. Australians love good eye contact. As Australia is multicultural, different physical greetings may be given, such as air kisses or hugs. Watch for cues from your group or individual. As a lead-in after the introductions, the state of the weather will be mentioned. Australians love traveling and new experiences, so a way of connecting is talking about the country you are working in or from.

Australians can speak in two ways, with diplomacy – “beat around the bush” or bluntly. “ They didn’t “beat around the bush”. As you have read, Australians do have their own language or ‘lingo’. Here are a few terms you need to know:

• ‘Cheers’ or ‘Ta’ – Thank you.
• ‘Good on ya’ – Well done or the opposite.
• ‘Yeah, nah’ – No thank you.
• ‘Yah reckon’ – Do you think so?
• ‘It’s my shout’ – I will pay for both of us.

Find more terms in this article: A Guide To Basic Australian Slang

Australians love those who are open to talk, good listeners, and take the initiative. Those who are unfamiliar with a group take the opportunity to introduce themselves. It is also assumed at an event that you will make the effort to speak to people and mingle. Australians love humour and love to laugh. The Australian humour can be described as witty, quick, dry, and sarcastic. Those who love to do this are often called a ‘larrikin’. Many Australians swear, and don’t be surprised if a word or three comes out while speaking.

Australian Dining Etiquette

Australia's food once heavily reflected the British style, which was meat and vegetables, until the 1950s. With the arrival of immigrants to Australia, notably after the Second World War, they brought their cuisines and beverage traditions, such as coffee-making, with them. See article: Millions have taken advantage and happily embrace multi-cultural and indigenous cuisines. Australians have adopted the British way of setting the table and using cutlery; however, over time, Australians have learnt to use chopsticks and to use the fork and spoon for Asian-type foods.

The Australian food that it's famous for is its BBQ. We love a barbecue, the taste that emanates from the cooking on an iron grill is like no other. For more information on the etiquette of being invited to a traditional Australian BBQ, read: Australian BBQ Etiquette.

I remember when I was travelling in Turin, Italy, and needing a caffeine fix, I found a café that was attached to Palazzo Reale di Torino. I spoke in English, the barista picked up that I was from Australia, and without me having to say anything, he asked, “Do you want a cappuccino, your style?” I was in awe…he knew what an Australian cappuccino was! I couldn’t stop smiling. Australians love coffee with extra milk. If you want to know more about café etiquette in Australia, please see this article: Australian Café Etiquette Tips.

So, does Australia do ‘tip’ at restaurants and cafes? The answer is no, generally. This is because Australian labour laws have made sure that hospitality workers are fully remunerated. Tipping is an optional extra. If you have had outstanding service and feel you want to reward the work of the individual(s), you can tip 5-10% of the total bill at a restaurant or café, drop a note or coins in the ‘tip jar’.

Australian Unique Food Etiquette

Australia also has a reputation for unusual and unique foods. Aussies love these sweet and savory dishes, which can be bought everywhere and freshly made in many restaurants and cafes.

The history of Tim Tams started in 1964, based on a British product called Penguin and named after a horse that won the Kentucky Derby in 1958. Today, it’s an Australian staple that you will find in most kitchen cupboards. You bite two opposite ends of the rectangular chocolate biscuit to suck up coffee through it, making it gooey and warm.

Vegemite was developed to re-create a local alternative to British Marmite using leftover brewer's yeast when imports were disrupted following World War I. Vegemite is used sparingly with lots of melted butter (not margarine) on hot, crispy toast bread for breakfast.

Pavlova was invented by Herbert Sachse in 1935. Working in the kitchen at the Esplanade Hotel in Perth created this delicious masterpiece after the Russian ballerina Anna Pavlova. The base is sugar and egg whites baked and cooled for cream to sit on top with fruits such as strawberries and sliced kiwifruit. The cake needs to be served lying flat on the plate, as you will not be able to eat it standing up.

ANZAC Biscuits were invented by Australian wives and women's groups around 1914 to 1915, to send to soldiers fighting abroad as they wouldn't spoil on long overseas voyages. Primarily made of rolled oats, flour, sugar, butter and golden syrup. Aussies love to eat this for morning tea with a cappuccino or tea.

Traveling Etiquette in Australia

What can you expect when traveling to Australia? What many forget is that, like Europe or the United States, Australia is so large that you need to take time to travel from state to state. You will be using airlines to get to places, as well as trains and buses. Australia’s love their ‘space’ and are used to wide and open areas and listening to nature. Understanding this, you should know that pushing and jostling to get on and off transport is discouraged, and speaking with the loudspeaker on is a huge no-no. Please also note that if you push into a queue or take yourself to the front of the queue, you will be promptly and firmly told to go back to your original place… very quickly. Another thing that is abhorrent is spitting in public or throwing rubbish. It is seen as rude and shocking. You can even get fined for throwing rubbish out of the car’s window.

Australian Flora and Fauna Etiquette

Flora and fauna are extremely important to Australians. Many, when describing home, will tell you about the beautiful trees, green lawns, nature walks in forests, and pristine beaches, however keenly aware of the dangers of the land. We have all learnt through school, family, and friends, to respect Australia’s biodiversity and ecosystems.

All of us grow up knowing that you cannot touch spiders, snakes, koalas, kangaroos, wallabies, quokkas, Tasmanian devils, swim with jellyfish, or pick up octopuses while casually strolling the beach, jump in lakes, or swim at beaches, especially in the north of Australia's Top End, due to the crocodiles. Yes, we are cautious and yet immune. If you find an injured, sick or orphaned native animal, such as kangaroos, wombats or koalas, as soon as possible, deliver them to an authorised wildlife shelter in the area.

Australian Beach Etiquette

All Australians have been to a beach and many take holidays to relax next to one of the 11,000+ beaches around the island. Here is what you need to know when claiming your spot on the sands with your friends and family.

• Be very cautious as to where you swim if you are not a strong swimmer. Not all beaches have the red and yellow flags set up on the beach to tell you that this is a ‘safe zone’ and patrolled by lifeguards. Australians grow up having swimming lessons in primary school year after year, foreigners who have not grown up with this culture need to be alert.

• There are designated areas for surfing, jet skiing, and boating. There have been many accidents, some fatal, when both are using the same area. Those who are catching fish, day or night, are allowed as “per council rules”. They are permitted to do so only away from swimming zones. 

• When you arrive at the beach, claim the sandy area that puts space between you and others. Australians hate being ‘jammed’ or close together. Playing ball or frisbee sports on a busy and packed beach is definitely not advised and you may be yelled at or spoken to by the lifeguards. If there are those in bikinis and thongs, it's rude to ‘gawk’ or stare. And be aware, it's illegal to take photos when permission is not sought. You must ask for permission to photograph anyone without their knowledge.

• Setting up a BBQ in the middle of the beach is awkward and annoying. You are cutting off the scenery and sun for many people and making it ‘hotter than hell’ so to speak. Councils will supply clean and fully gassed BBQs in grassed areas for people to use. If you are bringing your own cooker, set up and cook in those areas.

• Before bringing your favorite canine, always check if the beach is a zone for dogs, as they are not permitted on certain beaches. Avoid taking a dog off its leash, as there may be beach-goers who fear dogs. Yes, there are dog-friendly beaches where you can allow your dogs to roam about off the leash. Just check to make certain the beach you’re on is one of them.

• It is a ‘hard no’ to camping on any beach due to health and safety regulations. There are designated beachside campgrounds that are set up behind dunes or on the foreshore. Always check with local council, the national park or state forest for the laws and codes you need to abide by.

Australia is incredibly unique and beautiful, so travel to the “Land Down Under” and “Come and Say G’day”. We hope that you appreciate what our beautiful land has to offer, and that we see you soon. As Paul Hogan would say, “I’ll make sure to slip an extra shrimp on the barbie for you!”

Pictures from www.nfsa.gov.au https://www.nfsa.gov.au/collection/item/shrimp-barbie-paul-hogan

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette.

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Service Plate Etiquette

Image from the book, “Reaching for the Right Fork”

Removing Service Plate is Simpler and Quicker

 

ACCORDING to correct (formal) service, the service plate is removed with either fruit-cocktail glass, or soup plate, and exchanged for a clean plate known as an “exchange plate,” because this in turn should be exchanged for any plate with food on it. But since a kitchen-served meat and vegetables is not admitted at a formally-served dinner, an exchange plate would seem strangely out of place. Therefore, the answer is to do what is most expedient. This probably would be to remove service plates and whatever may be on them, (one double stack in each hand), and bring in the filled ones (one in each hand). 

Above, another look at silver service plates. — Photo of page from an early 1900 book on proper place settings, by Wallace Silvermiths.

This answer is to the question: “When the main course of a meal is served on plates in the kitchen and brought in by the maid (which is often done these days in this part of the country) should the service plate be removed at the time that the fruit cocktail or soup is removed, or should the place plates be left standing and only the first course removed, and the place plates be lifted as each hot plate with the main course is put down?”

As I already have said, it would seem simpler as well as quicker to remove service plate and whatever is on it and leave the place bare until the already filled, hot plates are put down. This is a “practical” service suggestion, in contrast to that which is “formally” correct." — Emily Post, 1941

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Tip Proves Politeness Pays

Taking pride in one’s position means that the goal is to always provide excellent service, not to merely gain tips. The tip is a bonus and should not be expected. Especially tips like the tip in this story… — A tip of $100.00 U.S. dollars in 1895 is equivalent in purchasing power to about $3,964.52 today. Almost $4000.00, reflecting an average annual inflation rate of 2.85%.

POLITENESS PAYS

Henry Cary, one of the very best of the many good servants employed by the Pennsylvania railroad, died about two years ago, lamented and respected by every officer of the road whom he came in contact with. Carey was one of those ideal servants who was never around except when he was wanted, and then he was sure to be in evidence. He had that happy faculty of knowing just what was the right thing to do at the right moment, and if he was not wanted you would think the earth had swallowed him up, and in the moment he was wanted he appeared to descend from the clouds. 

A little incident in his life is worth relating before he got into the employ of the railroad company. At that time he was porter of one of the Pullman cars, and one day just as they were leaving the station in Chicago he was going through the cars, when one of the passengers asked him for some slight information. He said be didn't know, but would find out and bring back the answer, which he did in a few minutes. The passenger then asked him to be good enough to hand him a drink of water. He said “certainly” in a most pelite way and brought him the glass of water. 

The passenger was quite taken with the kindly face of Carey, and said to him that he was not very well and might get worse on the journey and asked him if he wouldn’t be good enough to pay him some little attention on the way. Carey then told him that that was not his car, that his car was in front and that he could give him but very little attention there. He then asked if he might not be removed to the front car. Carey said that he would have to consult the conductor, which he did. The conductor agreed to the transfer and he was moved into Carey’s car. 

For the first eight or ten hours the man was rather under the weather, but Carey gave him every attention in his power, and from that on he rather improved, but Carey still kept on his kind attention, bringing him everything he thought he might like, and doing everything that he wanted. When he arrived in Philadelphia, Carey took his valise out to the platform. When the passenger, watching his opportunity, saw the porter of the other car that he had left come up to Carey, the passenger put his hand in his vest pocket, took out a hundred dollar note and banded it to Carey saying: “I want to thank you for your attention to me on the journey here, and I also want to reward you for your kindness to me. Good day, I hope you may have a prosperous time.” To say that the porter whose car the passenger had left dropped dead, is to modestly depict his feelings.- Philadelphia Times, 1895

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Top 10 Rules of BBQ Etiquette

The grill is understood as the host’s domain. Unless invited, guests should avoid hovering over the grill or offering constant commentary—respect the process. 

Summer Etiquette 101: BBQ Edition

As summer approaches, backyard barbecues and outdoor dining become part of American social culture. While the atmosphere may be relaxed, etiquette still applies—modern etiquette simply adapts to informal settings.

1. Guests should greet the host upon arrival and acknowledge them before departure. A simple hello and goodbye remains one of the easiest forms of consideration.

2. The grill is understood as the host’s domain. Unless invited, guests should avoid hovering over the grill or offering constant commentary—respect the process.

3. Hot dogs and hamburgers are traditionally eaten with the hands. Utensils are generally unnecessary unless the item becomes difficult to manage.

4. Ribs are accepted as finger foods; however, excessive messiness should still be avoided.

5. Napkins should be used frequently—this is barbecue, not battle.Bringing your own wipes to a barbecue is no longer excessive—it is simply preparation. Summer dining and sauce tend to find their way everywhere eventually.

6. Disposable plates and paper napkins do not eliminate standards of conduct. Plates should remain balanced, movement should be measured, and spills should be avoided whenever possible.

7. Side dishes such as baked beans, potato salad, and coleslaw are eaten with utensils and served with moderation.

8. Phones should not dominate the table or gathering. Outdoor dining remains a shared social experience, not an extension of private scrolling.

9. Guests may bring a small offering such as dessert, fruit, beverages, or ice, even when told it is unnecessary. Thoughtfulness is always noticed.

10.A brief thank-you message after the gathering reflects appreciation and good form. Informal settings do not remove the value of acknowledgment.

Ultimately, summer etiquette is less about perfection and more about awareness. The setting may be casual, but consideration for others remains timeless. -By Eileen Copeland, 2026

 

Meet our newest contributor, Eileen Copeland. Eileen is the founder of Southern California Etiquette™, a modern etiquette and social refinement platform which explores dining culture, hosting, presentation, and contemporary social behavior. A native Southern Californian, Eileen’s background includes executive and personal assisting, real estate, wellness, modeling, beauty, and luxury client services. Married for over 15 years, Eileen is a mother of two and grandmother of two, whose broad experiences, including living internationally for nearly a decade, helped shape her appreciation for culture, hospitality, and refined living. She shares life with her husband, her mini Goldendoodle, Teddy, and Luna, her sphynx cat, while continuing her etiquette studies under mentor Maura Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette.

 

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Being One’s Best

“That Mary… she tells off-color stories. In a restaurant, she talks a little too loudly. Her evening dresses are just enough on the extreme side to call attention to her. She thinks it's smart to slump down in a chair. She holds her cigarette at a tough angle. Little things? Sure! But tragic! She knows better. She has a fear of being a good little girl… A fear of being her best.”

A FAMOUS psychologist said in one of his lectures: “The great tragedy in the lives of millions of Americans is rarely mentioned. It keeps people in ruts; it prevents their getting ahead in life as they deserve to. It keeps them on a plane of mediocre living instead of on the high plateaus of real achievement and ecstasy. This millstone around the neck is a juvenile, silly fear. It's the fear of being one’s best. America has developed a cult of horny-handed democracy.”

We’ve played down the niceties and cultural aspects of life. Rough grammar, rough etiquette, and rough dressing seem to give a man a place among men! Ah! But here's the tragedy. It gives a man or woman a place among others of the same type, the group who are afraid to be their best. Life isn't all material success. Happiness, health, and integrity come first. But there's nothing criminal in our having those things plus more material success! 

SCORES of investigations by psychologists show that those who get ahead in business, industry, and the professions, are not afraid to be their best. And they are forever trying to make that best better! Let me give a concrete example. He's a man I have known for 20 years. We went through college together, and I've known him intimately since. John has a brilliant mind; he's a hard worker; he’s a lawyer and knows law. It was his ambition to be a trial lawyer and still is, although the flame in his soul is slowly dying, for John is 43 now. 

John couldn’t make the debating team in college because he made such obvious mistakes in English grammar. And he wouldn’t learn to correct them. He thought then, and still does, that only effeminate men bothered to say “it is I” instead of using the incorrect “it is me.” He still says “between you and I,” when folks who care know that after a preposition you must use the objective case. A double negative is the least of his worries. He uses the phrase “can't hardly” a dozen times a day. Little things? Yes. But John who has a heart of gold, who is a good citizen and able man, is doing routine, monotonous clerical work. 

He has a natural flair for public speaking. He does a good deal in church, civic, and social organizations. But, and here is the point, John didn't bother to be his best in his strongest field. His firm doesn't dare let him represent them in court. John’s smile is a little forced now. He's gone over the middle line and isn’t where he thought he’d be. He’s seen other men with less ability go on up the ladder to more income, better houses, bigger cars, and a wider influence. A fear of being his best has licked him. 

The remedy? It's the same for all of us. Get hold of some good books on grammar. Look up the lists of common mistakes. We may feel self conscious when we break the habits of years, but it's moronic thinking to be afraid of being our best. 

A SECOND place where millions of us hang a marked-down price tag around our necks is in the field of etiquette. You don't have to crook your little finger when drinking tea. Nor do you have to bow from the waist when meeting a fair lady. Are you afraid to be your best? Is the silly fear that friends may think you affected ruining your chances for success? Get rid of that bugaboo today!

Say, you’re introduced to a fair lady. But good manners are part of the equipment which helps men and women realize the most from life. You can excuse, perhaps, mistakes if caused by ignorance, particularly when a person’s heart is kindly. Although, the personnel director of a great organization said to the writer recently; “I used to excuse mistakes of ignorance. I don’t any longer. With all the literature and courses available today, If one cares, one need not be ignorant!” Our point, again, in this article, however, is are you afraid to show your best self?

Are you afraid of what people will say or think? If so, let this be said at once. You don’t deserve to get ahead! If you are so juvenile mentally that you’re afraid to live up to the highest standard you know, you deserve to stay in a narrow rut. Are you afraid you'll be labeled a Sir Galahad if you rise when a lady enters the room? Does it give you an uneasy feeling to seat a lady at the table, or hold a car door? If it does, it's about time that you are overcoming such a silly fear. 

A CERTAIN young woman in her early 30s is covering a cracking heart and withering soul these days. Mary, as we will call her, went through my school, graduated from a business college, and immediately went to work in the office of a great insurance corporation. Mary is a wonderfully capable girl. She had spirit, friendliness, and a willingness to work. She has had two love affairs. The men were fine chaps I hoped she’d marry but had a hunch she wouldn’t. Mary’s weakness, and a terribly tragic one it is, is a casual disregard of courtesies and good manners, which for some perverted reason she believes indicates sophistication and alleged smartness. 

For example, she tells off-color stories. In a restaurant, she talks a little too loudly. Her evening dresses are just enough on the extreme side to call attention to her. She thinks it’s smart to slump down in a chair. She holds her cigarette at a tough angle. Little things? Sure! But tragic! She knows better. She has a fear of being a good little girl… A fear of being her best. She made a remark once about a charming girl that labeled herself. “Jane's never shocked anyone in her life. She's good enough to eat.” 

But Jane has a grand family. She started in the same office with Mary but climbed up to a private secretary’s position quickly. Mary is afraid to be her best self. And life’s deepest satisfactions and best rewards are passing her by. YES, people hang a weight around their necks because they don’t dare be their best selves in speech and manners. There’s a third area where we are very young in our mental processes. And that is in the field of giving our best to our jobs. Whether we work for ourselves or for someone else, the mature attitude should be to give our best. 

Millions of Americans are plodding along in obscure, routine jobs because of a foolish, juvenile fear. They are afraid of what others will say if they work a little longer than the scheduled day! They are afraid of their peers’ opinions if they study up about the business! They are afraid of comments if they deliberately set out to make themselves more valuable to the company! Good manners do not imply mid-Victorian conduct. Finger-crooking while drinking at tea and frilled waist-bending by now are passé. “Such people deserve to walk in the shadows of this false ogre.

IT takes a lot of determination to surrender entertainment and recreation to study but it pays off in pay raises and better jobs. The individual who is consistently trying to do a better job will not be overlooked. You are cheating yourself, as well as your employer, if you are not giving your best. And you are definitely robbing yourself of the opportunity to succeed. 

Back in the giddy days before Depression, it was a favorite school sport to laugh at the “grinds,” those hard-working students who sacrificed amusements and dates for study. There was a false belief current that a Phi Beta Kappa key would never open the door to success. It was smart to just get by nothing more. And those who just got by, with passing grades, are doing that now, grumbling because opportunity passed them. Not all the grinds have achieved material success. You may know some of them. But their failure can be traced to other factors. At least they have the satisfaction of knowing that they have given their best efforts. The classroom dunce can blame only himself. 

THERE’S a fourth category of folks who cheat themselves. Those who neglect their clothes. The era of sloppiness has ended. But there are still people who are afraid of being called “dudes” if they dress up for their job. I have little patience with these individuals. Grooming and dress are personal attributes that cannot be neglected. The employee who is sloppy in dress is almost invariably sloppy in his work. A secretary with a dirty neck isn't going to take pains to turn out a perfect letter. The boss may not notice unshined shoes or a run in your stocking today. But he will notice you if you always look exceptionally neat and well groomed. It costs so little to look your best. Now is the time to take stock of your own shortcomings and to correct them. 

The business world is full of opportunities for alert young men and women, who will be the leaders of the country tomorrow. You can’t afford to miss the chance. The best machinist, the best secretary, the best office boy are being moved up rapidly. Stay out of a rut or be left behind. Each year when a certain high school principal addresses his graduating class, he takes as his text: “Don't be afraid to be your best!” For unless we try to be and act our best, we'll never know how much life may have for us. Life’s saddest words for millions are, “It might have been different, if I’d always lived up to my best.” — (Hayden Pearson, The Sun Magazine, Printed In U. S. A.), 1941

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Social Etiquette Rules for Men of 1912

Two much of a good thing? —THE sad news has come to us that the beautifully dressed man is no more. And the fact is deplored that there are no more dudes in America. The truth is that all men are dressing and looking better today, so that there are no exceptional few as existed some years ago.

Today Almost Every Man Appears in an Evening Dress When He Goes to the Theatre or Opera and Men Are Dressing Better Today Than Ever Before

THE sad news has come to us that the beautifully dressed man is no more. And the fact is deplored that there are no more dudes in America. The truth is that all men are dressing and looking better today, so that there are no exceptional few as existed some years ago. A handsomely dressed man a few years ago was a conspicuous character, regarded as a fop and laughed at by those who didn't know

Today men take as much care of their faces and skin as do women All the barbers give facial massage. Cold creams are used to beautify men's faces; powder is selected of the finest quality, “to use after shaving.” Hot towels are used to steam out the lines and crow's feet No end of electric devices are invented, and men get them before they reach the departments for women…

We all know how sensitive men are about their hair. Scarcely a man would prefer to be bald to being fat. And prefer to be bald to being fat. And yet they will wear their hats in and out of the office, causing circulation to stop in the top of their heads and killing the roots of the hair. The reason that women do not become bald is because they never wear their hats tightly pulled down over their heads, but allow air to get to the hair at all times.

The lack of change in the fashions for men's attire leaves little expense for them other than extravagant accessories to their toilets. And the man who affects too many fancy waistcoats and too much jewelry is considered effeminate unless he is sufficiently large and celebrated to defy suspicion A few years ago dress suits could be counted in an audience. Today almost every man appears in an evening dress when he goes to the theatre or opera, another proof that the well-dressed man is not conspicuous nowadays.

Rather the conspicuous man is the one who does not put on evening dress when dining or going to the theatre with women naturally. Business men are about dressing and there are very few of them who would not prefer to wear their business suits until bedtime is only civilization and social rules that compel them to be more than savages.

I often wonder that men who think so much of themselves and who are so susceptible to flattery so often neglect the ordinary rules of toilet and etiquette simply from laziness. They are the first to notice a neglectful woman, yet they are not willing to return the compliment of dress and manners muchless driven to it by love or pride

But such men today are in the minority and a well-groomed man is as fully appreciated as a well-groomed woman. Hence the decadence of the woman dude. Men should remember that when they are criticizing women they must themselves be above criticism. — By Lillian Russell, 1912

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of Dating for Widows

Here a writer offers an idealistic look at what dating in the 1960’s could look like, if a widow kept her standards, and her morals high. — “Many widowed women had led very full, active social lives with their husbands. It is important that these contacts continue. It is going to take quite a bit of tact and skill to handle this part of your life gracefully. What is your setting? Is your house or apartment orderly, fresh, and sparkling; comfortable, softly lighted, furnished tastefully with pleasing colors? Is it a sanctuary for you and a place where you wish to entertain your men and women friends?”

For the mature woman there is a certain etiquette in dating. When a gentleman takes a lady out frequently it is only fitting and gracious that she entertain him in her home in return, or invite him to accompany her to the home of friends whom he may enjoy.

Many widowed women had led very full, active social lives with their husbands. It is important that these contacts continue. It is going to take quite a bit of tact and skill to handle this part of your life gracefully. What is your setting? 

Is your house or apartment orderly, fresh, and sparkling; comfortable, softly lighted, furnished tastefully with pleasing colors? Is it a sanctuary for you and a place where you wish to entertain your men and women friends?

It is important that your home complement you and is a gracious spot to bring friends. This does not mean that it need be lavish or expensive. But please, no chairs in need of recovering or a sofa with sagging springs, or poorly hanging draperies.

Mary had lived in the suburb of a large city ever since her marriage. She and her husband enjoyed their red brick colonial house and big lawn. Over the years they picked up some fine antique furniture and beautiful oriental rugs. They enjoyed entertaining their friends and their children's friends in this gracious house, which they had furnished with such pleasure during his lifetime.

Now that he was gone, Mary realized that she would have to change her way of living drastically. Luckily the two boys were out of college and working. She, too, had to find a position. She had always had a flair for dressmaking and liked fine fabrics and design. Wishing to make the most of this talent, she went into the city to interview with the owner of a ladies’ specialty shop.

Here her enthusiasm and zeal were so infectious that she was engaged as a saleswoman in the of gown salon. Wishing to be near her work and not being able to maintain her house, she sold it and moved into an apartment. It was located on an elm-shaded street that had once had fine old mansions, many of which had been converted into apartments.

Her two-room ground floor apartment had high ceilings, fireplaces, a small but adequate kitchen. French doors off the living room led to a terrace where she had flower boxes spilling over with petunias. This was a perfect setting for her antiques, her lovely old rugs, her fine china and silver - and for Mary, too.

She had a housewarming as soon as she was settled and invited her friends from the suburbs and the few she knew, if only ever so slightly, from the city. This party launched her on an active social life. Because of her friendliness and charm she has many men friends who take her out. She has found to her astonishment that a variety of men are attractive to her for a variety of reasons.

One man may be a divine dancer, another a delightful and interesting conversationalist who entertains at small dinner parties in his home where the food is superb, conversation sparkling, guests interesting. She is home at 11 o'clock after a stimulating evening. She has to have adequate rest to be fresh at her work.

When she entertains at home she plans small dinner parties that can be prepared ahead of time so that she does not need to be in the kitchen for long intervals. She puts the cocktail ingredients out so that her guests can serve themselves after being given the first cocktail.

She always has candlelight and wine, which adds an aura to her simple, well-cooked dinners. Mary always has her wardrobe in order and ready to go. for she never knows when an occasion may come up and she wishes to be ready. Her life is not as predictable as it was when she was married. She believes that she should not miss any opportunity to go out with friends for an enjoyable time.

She is determined not to feel sorry for herself, and she feels that she owes it to her friends to enjoy their company. Consequently her enthusiasm. gayety and friendliness make these occasions memorable to the persons with whom she spends them.

Mary has always placed great value on friendship. Now that she is alone, each and every one of her friends is even more precious. Because she is attractive and a widow, she receives many admiring glances and much attention from men, especially the married men who give her more of a rush than the elusive bachelors and widowers.

The quickest way to lose her women friends, she knows, would be flirt or pay attention to their husbands. She sweetly but firmly declines any invitations from them, preferring to be with unattached men. A lone woman is so very vulnerable. — By Mrs. Donn Sutton, Newspaper Enterprise Assn., 1965

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Holiday Party Etiquette

There are socially appropriate ways to mollify the snubbed hosts, says Maura J. Graber, who owns RSVP Institute of Etiquette in Ontario. Thank them profusely, explain the situation, apologize and send a bouquet, a gift certificate, chocolates or wine the day of the party, she says.

“First Invite” Rule is Golden

ETIQUETTE: Deciding which soirees to attend and how to decline others does matter, experts say. Socialite Pattie Daly Caruso of Palm Desert hates to miss a holiday party. But if several conflict, she resorts to the "relatives first" rule, opting for family gatherings.

"It's important to determine which parties you need to go to," says Caruso, host of the "Valley Views" talk show on Time-Warner cable channel 10 in the Coachella Valley. If two close friends are each throwing simultaneous bashes, she tries to show up at both.

But what if the soirees are counties apart at overlapping times? Go with the first invitation you've accepted, says VictorSeitz, grooming and etiquette author and a professor of marketing at Cal State San Bernardino.

There are socially appropriate ways to mollify the snubbed hosts, says Maura J. Graber, who owns RSVP Institute of Etiquette in Ontario. Thank them profusely, explain the situation, apologize and send a bouquet, a gift certificate, chocolates or wine the day of the party, she says.

She advises holiday party hosts to mail invitations earlier next year, even in October, because December weekends tend to fill up quickly. "There are always friends who will be terribly hurt and expect you to get out of your other plans," Graber says.

What if there's no other party to attend but you want to weasel out of a bash anyway? anyway? "Just decline," says Seitz. "Just say you have another obligation. You don't have to justify a 'no.' But do RSVP. Most people don't even respond. It's sad and disrespectful.”

“Learn to be evasive,” says Graber. “Always thank the person, but don't go overboard. The less said, the better. ‘Oh, too bad. I wish the party were another night, is okay,” she says. “Keep the emotional stuff out of it.”

There's no need to be brutally honest. Sitting in front of the television clipping your toenails definitely constitutes “other plans,” she says. Curling up with a book and a cup of tea could be construed as “family matters. You're part of your family,” Graber says.

Don't let yourself be guilt-tripped. “Some people's feelings will be hurt no matter what,” she says. “There's so much we already feel guilty about, especially around the holidays. We don't need to pile on more.” — By Laurie Lucas, Press Enterprise, 2004

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia