Etiquette for Cake with Ice Cream

A new twist on ice cream and cake puts ice cream in the cones and places decorated cupcakes atop them. One can eat these by holding them in one hand and starting from the top. Or one can serve them placed on their sides on plates for eating with a fork and a spoon. The ice cream cone is delicate enough to easily break and eat with a fork. The crunchiness adds a fun texture to the cake and ice cream mix!

How to Eat Ice Cream with Cake Properly

DEAR MISS MANNERS - What is the proper way to serve ice cream and cake? I have seen it served in the following ways:
• Together on a crystal dessert plate.
• Ice cream in a goblet on dessert plate, cake on same plate.
• Ice cream in goblet without plate, cake on separate plate.
• Ice cream in dessert bowl, cake on separate plate.
• Together in soup bowl.

If they are served in the same dish, does one eat the cake with a spoon?

Should the ice cream be served first and the cake distributed after all the ice cream has been served?

Or should a slice of cake be added by the host before serving to the guest?

GENTLE READER - This is one of the few matters of table etiquette (milk is another) in which the key factor is the age of the guests.

People of all ages know that ice cream and cake is best eaten by mashing the ice cream down into the cake with the back end of a spoon, preferably while chanting rhythmically but tunelessly to oneself. But only people under the age of 5 can get away with it, and then only when Miss Manners isn't looking.

In order to allow adults to simulate this enjoyment, which is to say to eat ice-cream-and-cake rather than two separate desserts, the items are put on a plate together, with the ice cream on top of the slice of cake or, more dangerously for the tablecloth, off to one side.

The adults are issued both dessert spoons and forks. They may alternate using these, eating the ice cream with the spoon and the cake with the fork, or may keep the fork in the left hand and use it to push ice cream-soaked cake into the spoon, which is held in the right hand. They are not allowed to hum. — By Miss Manners, aka Judith Martin, 1987

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for a Jet Set Pet

When traveling by car with your dog or cat, be sure the pet carrier is seat-belted. Large dogs should be restrained with a harness. Try not to leave your dog or cat alone in the car.

  

Tips on Traveling with Fido

Today more than half the population of the United States  - 63 million households - includes a canine or feline family member. A recent survey showed that 84 percent of dog and cat owners consider their pets as their children. With the deep affection that comes with caring for a pet, animal lovers in growing numbers are loathe to travel without them. In addition to sharing a fun-filled experience, many people no longer see leaving their dog or cat home alone with a house-sitter, dog-walker, or caged in a kennel as their only option.

In response to this burgeoning new market, hotel chains, from Hiltons to Holiday Inns, and from the luxurious Ritz Carlton to the world's finest spas, are now accommodating pets. Choosing a destination, however, is only half the equation. The other concern is humane transportation: how to make sure the journey itself is worry-free and enjoyable for pets, people and fellow travelers.

The ease of traveling with pets these days is due in no small measure to one woman: Gayle Martz. Gayle revolutionized the way people travel with their pets by creating a line of soft-sided pet carriers named for her Llaso Apso, “Sherpa.”

A former flight attendant, Gayle used her travel expertise to design totes and bags that would comply with regulations and fit under the seat in airplanes. She then personally persuaded the airlines to modify their policies, allowing small pets to travel in the passenger cabins rather than to be checked as luggage.

Small pets can now fly in the cabins of Delta, American, Air Canada, America West, Continental, Northwest, TWA, Alaska, West Jet, United and US Air. Secure in their plush, well-ventilated and cozy home-away-from-home, pets enjoy the reassuring presence of their owner and vice versa.

Whether in the air, on the road, or around town on sightseeing or shopping expeditions, advance planning will ensure that taking your pet along is a delightful experience. Here are some etiquette rules for people traveling with pets:

1. Familiarize your pet with its carrier before leaving home.
2. Maintain a low profile. Do not call attention to the pet or disturb fellow passengers. Also in consideration of your fellow passengers, do not take your pet out of the carrier. Your pet must stay in the bag under the seat.
3. Carry a current health certificate from your veterinarian, dated within seven to ten days of departure.
4. Make sure your pet has a collar with a name tag listing owner’s contact information.
5. Pack a travel kit with your pet’s food and treats as well as favorite toys, any medicines and health documents.
6. When making your reservations, be sure to make one for your pet. Only a small number of pets are allowed in passenger cabins on any given trip. Check reservation and fee policies for individual airlines.
7. Airlines require that pet carriers have absorbent liners - be sure you have a spare.
8. At the security checkpoint, request that the agent use the hand-held metal detector.
9. When traveling outside the United States, contact the appropriate embassy far in advance of your trip for quarantine or health requirements.
10. Do not feed your pet within six hours of departure or provide water within two hours of takeoff, and never use tranquilizers unless advised by your veterinarian.

When traveling by car with your dog or cat, be sure the pet carrier is seat-belted. Large dogs should be restrained with a harness. Try not to leave your dog or cat alone in the car. If you must leave for a short period, be sure there is proper ventilation. As with airline travel, the pet should be made comfortable and secure with favorite toys, a blanket or other familiar items.– Chula Vista Star-News, 2001

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Cigar Smoking Etiquette

The gilded age was a time of beautiful and functional designs. Fifty-six years after this cigar tray was designed, women were doing their best to relegate the smoking of cigars to areas in which they approved, and the worried Cigar Institute of America had undertaken a campaign to placate the ladies. “It patriotically denies that a cigar stinks up clothing or a living room-smoke ring for smoke ring -any more than cigarets. But it gives these etiquette tips to cigar smokers who want to keep the little woman happy.”

Men Smoking More Cigars in Spite of Gals’ Protests

NEW YORK. (AP) - The cigar is sending up smoke signals of prosperity - amid some feminine cries of complaint. Last year 15,500,000 smokers in the United States did away with about 6,500,000,000 cigars. This June almost 430,000,000 cigars were released to the trade, 11 percent more than a year ago. But these figures bring small cheer to many women who persist in the strange delusion that a man who smokes cigars probably also takes opium and eats small children on the half shell.

Why? The cigar is as American as the hotdog. Since Christopher Columbus in 1492 saw his first native contentedly puffing away on a stogie, the cigar has enabled the poor man to feel like a king – and the king to feel as much at ease as the commoner. Yet the cigar smoker today is the victim of a widespread female conspiracy against him. If he lights up his Colorado Claro in an airplane, the stewardess flutters up like an angry butterfly. “Cigaret smoking only!” she says, ferrying away the offending hunk of weed. And the airline never refunds either the cigar or the price of a new one.

You stoke up in a friend’s house and what often happens? His wife throws open the windows, ties back the curtains, turns the fan on you and sits glaring with a baleful eye until you rub out the poor old cigar. My own wife for some years now has been trying to get me to join the C.A.A. - Cigar Addicts Anonymous. It does no good for me to remind her that she thinks Clark Gable packs terrific he-man glamour, and Gable smokes cigars.
“If you are going to try to compare yourself with Clark Gable,”says Frances, “let's start from scratch.”

Nor does it influence wives to point out that the Duke of Windsor, who did give up a kingdom for love, didn't forsake the fragrance of a good Havana. Why bother to cite other famous cigar lovers Winston Churchill or American Presidents like Grover Cleveland, Calvin Coolidge Theodore Roosevelt?

Wives just don't care. Can you calm their ire by reminding them that the American public rewarded Gen. Ulysses S. Grant with 11,000 cigars for capturing Fort Donelson? No, you can't. Remembering what happened to the fine old lost art of tobacco chewing, the worried Cigar Institute of America has undertaken a campaign to placate the ladies.

It patriotically denies that a cigar stinks up clothing or a living room-smoke ring for smoke ring -any more than cigarets. But it gives these etiquette tips to cigar smokers who want to keep the little woman happy:

• Look before you flick - for an ash on the tray is worth two on the vest. 
• Puff a good cigar gently. Laying a smoke screen may easily turn the puff that pleases into the cloud that chokes.
• Please no butts. A collection of unsightly butts parked promiscuously around the house will antagonize the most angelic wife.
• Don't chew the cigar or talk with a Perfecto clamped in the mouth. Cut the cigar with a sharp blade; don't bite off and spit out the end. And light it with a match that has burned off the sulphur. It helps keep the aroma.

There you are, men. Now light up - and watch your wife’s face beam in tender pride and understanding. To keep her happy there is one more thing you can do. Swallow the smoke. – By Hal Boyle, 1948

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Early Airplane Travel Etiquette

“It's proper to smoke cigarettes in flight without violating the sensibilities, but odorous cigars and pipes are frowned on. It's not correct for women to expect men to yield window seats, nor should travelers remove their shoes unless given a lap robe or slippers by the stewardess.”– Circa 1930: Miss Ellen Church became the first airline stewardess after convincing Boeing Air Transport that female nurses on board each plane would be a relief to nervous airline passengers.

Air Travelers Establish New Etiquette Rules

IS IT good etiquette to tuck your napkin under your chin and eat directly from the casserole? Yes, say social arbiters of airline travel. It's perfectly all right to wear your napkin like an ascot tie and forthright approaches with knife and fork are approved in handling casserole dishes. Entrees and vegetables are served together in the same dish for the sake of convenience in airline cuisine.

In checking on social behavior sanctioned by custom and usage among air travelers, United Air Lines reports that, contrary to Victorian standards, gentlemen may remove their coats and ladies may in all propriety strike up conversations with strangers. And it's quite proper for a man to precede a lady in getting on a plane, if that's his place in line.

It's proper to smoke cigarettes in flight without violating the sensibilities, but odorous cigars and pipes are frowned on. It's not correct for women to expect men to yield window seats, nor should travelers remove their shoes unless given a lap robe or slippers by the stewardess.

And it's a gross breach of airline travel etiquette to pocket the silverware as a souvenir of the trip. – Hanford Daily Sentinel, 1949

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Presidential Entertaining

The President gives only three state dinners annually. These are all his position demands and are arranged to take place each season between New Years Day and the beginning of Lent.  – Public domain image of The assassination of the US President William McKinley, Buffalo (NY) 1901

THE WHITE HOUSE:

President McKinley Will Give Great Feasts.

Will Begin Them This Spring

Etiquette Does Not Compel the President to Be 

“At Home” Until January 1, 1898

WASHINGTON, March 26.- “I'll give you $50,000 a year, Mr. President, but don't forget that I expect you to spend a part of it in official dinners to the end that the dignity, hospitality and etiquette of the greatest republic on earth may be maintained.”That's what Uncle Sam says to every incoming President. And the President obeys, whether he wants to or not. For over his head hang these solemn, dyspeptic duties, as unwritten and as arbitrary as the British constitution.

Of course, the United States pays a part of the palace expenses of its four-year king. There's the steward at $1800, and the gardener at $2000 a year. They are Federal officials, if you please. National funds are also furnished for fuel, $3000; greenhouses, $5000; keeping up White House grounds, $5000; electric lights in grounds, $1700; contingent expenses of Executive Mansion, including two horses, carriage, stationery, record books, telegrams, books for library, furniture, carpets for offices and miscellaneous items, $8000.

The President gives only three state dinners annually. These are all his position demands and are arranged to take place each season between New Year’s Day and the beginning of Lent. The exact dates, therefore, may vary, but in general: 

• The Cabinet dinner usually falls in the week following New Years.
• The Diplomatic Corps’ dinner comes about three weeks later.
• The Supreme Court dinner is usually given in the first week in February.

The cost of these dinners falls on the personal pocketbook of the Executive, and, from the best information obtainable, each affair should subtract just $1333.33 from his $50,000 annual total. The consensus of opinion among Washington caterers places the expense entailed by these dinners at $4000 a year. And this, too, with flowers and music free. For the floral decorations are all supplied from the White House conservatory and public greeneries, and Professor Fanciulli brings the Government Marine Band down from the barracks to play sweet arias for official ears.

Of course, this expense for edibles varies with the personal tendencies of the Presidents. Since the time of the immortal Lincoln, only two Presidents liked to entertain for the sake of entertaining and held their purse strings correspondingly loose. They were Grant and Arthur. 

Garfield undoubtedly possessed the same temperament and would have indicated it had he been allowed life and continuance in office. Cleveland, Harrison and Hayes are credited with regarding these three functions as somewhat laborious, however officially necessary. Quite naturally, then, they did not go to extra expense in order that these occasions might be particularly brilliant and memorable.

McKinley has already shown an old-fashioned, open-handed liberality. He has entertained chance guests sumptuously, and though he need not bother himself about official etiquette until January, 1898, he has prepared for some very fine McKinley has already shown an old- fashioned, open-handed liberality. He has entertained chance guests sumptuously, and though he need not bother himself about official etiquette until January, 1898, he has prepared for some very fine receptions and dinners this spring of a semi-official nature.

Florists and caterers report with glee that his orders have already exceeded any given by the outgoing President during his whole four years, and from sly hints let drop there will be some feast-giving that has never been equaled in this country. He will undoubtedly usher in 1898 and the social whirl with an éclat worthy of the return to power of the political party which gave him its highest honor.

The state dinners are all given in the state dining-room, are served on a Government silver and china service and Government linen, and are under the general supervision of the Federal White House steward. He is assisted by waiters paid out of the private pocket of the President, since the regular domestic staff of the Executive Mansion is generally quite limited. The table is always laid in the shape of a longitudinal section of an hour glass turned on its side.

To the Cabinet dinner are usually invited, besides the Secretaries and their wives, the Vice-President and Speaker of the House and their wives, and very occasionally one or two of the more distinguished members and Senators and their wives. The Diplomatic dinner may also include, besides the diplomats, members of the Foreign Affairs Committees of the two houses of Congress and the Secretary and Assistant Secretary of State. It is naturally the most brilliant of the three dinners, made so by the splendid official dress of foreign representatives. 

To the Supreme Court dinner, besides the Chief Justices and Associate Justices and their wives, come also the Attorney-General and a few distinguished guests from Senate and House. The President The President is usually dined each season by the members of the Cabinet in turn, beginning with the Secretary of State and down in the order of rank. This is official etiquette, but extends no further than the Cabinet. The President is also sometimes a dinner guest of the Chief Justice or one of the Associate Justices, but he is never the guest of a Foreign Minister. Such an action might be construed to have official significance, and an unwritten law requires that he keep away from these gentlemen.

Mere White House receptions do not lower the private bank account of a President, although they do test his hand-shaking powers to the utmost. Officially there are five of these receptions in the following order: New Years, Diplomatic, Congress and Judiciary, Army and Navy and marine corps and public. There are no fixed dates for these functions. They are planned and published at the beginning of the season.

All in all, most ex-Presidents would probably tell you that their social duties cost them more in physical and mental exertion than in dollars and cents of salary. The stately and solemnly important official dinner and the interminable line of people who must be hand-grasped and smiled at in receptions-these are more to be reckoned than caterers’ bills and dress-makers’ accounts.—By Yrome Retsof, 1896

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Prohibition Etiquette Humor

From 1920 through 1933, there was a period of “Prohibition” in the United States. During this period, the production, the sale or transportation and even the import of alcohol was banned. There were a few loopholes in the law, but the illegal production and sale of alcohol became a way of making many “bootleggers” wealthy and was at the same time highly competitive and dangerous.

Don’ts for Today

“Books of etiquette, like other works of reference, must be kept up-to-date,” said “Boss” Murphy at a New York luncheon.

“Our 1921 books of etiquette, for example, should have several up-to-date items such as:

• “Don't lick the pieces at launchings.”

• “Don't, when a hooch sleuth comes to search your house, produce a pint of the real stuff – produce a quart.” — Chico Record, 1921

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

University Parking Etiquette Humor

Do not park your car in a handicapped parking space unless you have a handicap sticker. If you park without the sticker, rest assured you’ll run into the parking patrol, who will snidely ask you what your handicap is. When you reply, “Oh, about 30,” be prepared for two tickets. – “Davis is the ultimate college town. It’s green, laid back and friendly. You can walk or bike from the main campus to the main street in a few blocks. College students fill up the tables at nearby restaurants and coffee shops with their laptops, homework and friends. The town of Davis helps our students thrive. - From ucdavis.edu”

Now that the rainy season seems to have returned for a few last swats at University of California at Davis's population, more students will be driving to school and more of them will have to use good manners in parking their cars.

No, Emily Post was never a “valet girl,” so she probably never gave car courtesy the slightest thought. However, if she were to park her car on the UCD campus between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. (if she's not provided with a space), she would realize the need for parking lot etiquette.

The following tidbits should serve as a reminder to show the courtesy and consideration you need to keep from dampening your spirits and the spirits of others when the rain starts to fall.

Entering the parking lot:

• It is always better to avoid confrontation with other cars by getting to the parking lot early, say, 5 a.m. Don't think this will necessarily get you to class on time. Remember the time-tested thesis: the more time you have, the more likely you are to be late.
• If you must use public parking, make sure you have two quarters ready to put in the machine. Try to avoid getting a day pass after you've already parked.

Looking for a space:

• If you're in front of a few cars, be aware of those cars behind you. Keep the line moving unless you're waiting for a car to vacate a space.
• If you're behind a car or a couple of cars, be patient. There’s no reason to risk an accident by hurrying. Besides, you didn't want to get to that lecture anyway.
• Always give a potential parking space to the car that gets there first.
• If you must use that kind of language, kindly roll up your window.

Parking your car:

• Do not park your car in a handicapped parking space unless you have a handicap sticker. If you park without the sticker, rest assured you’ll run into the parking patrol, who will snidely ask you what your handicap is. When you reply, “Oh, about 30,” be prepared for two tickets.
• If you have a small car, don't park between two large cars if you can help it. You can't imagine the frustration potential parkers have when they find at the last minute that their “space” has been occupied.
• Once you’ve parked, make sure your lights are turned off. This not only prevents your battery from running down, it also prevents you from passing the problem on to good citizens.
• If you notice a car with its lights on, try to locate the driver. Leaving a note on the windshield doesn't seem to work. If you open the car door to turn off the lights, please lock the door for the driver and do not take the tape machine as a “reward” for a good deed.
• Take everything you need out of your car. Don't return to a full parking lot only to get this “one little thing” out of your car. Once you've taken everything you need, leave the parking lot immediately.

Notes in general:

• Don't cross a crowded parking lot unless you are going to get your car out of that lot. It is impolite to jangle your keys as you cross the lot just to see how many cars follow you. It’s a fun game, to be sure, but if you play it, beware of cars who devise a little game of their own.
• In case you're not leaving, inform all the cars behind you.
• Other rules that you might have in mind should reflect the common courtesy and common sense as the ones above (cue music). Following these rules will make parking during the rainy season less frustrating for everybody.

Although parking lot etiquette is a serious subject, this article isn't meant to be excessively scolding or accusing— leave that to the letters to the editor. Let's leave our little discussion with a joke, shall we? How many Californians does it take to park a car? None. They can't find their space. — By D. Chatfield for California Aggie, 1984

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

An Agony Aunt on Etiquette

Amy is acquiring her vocabulary somewhere! From you? School? Playmates? Check around and I suggest you begin in your own home. Blasphemy and vulgarity are habit forming and perhaps such words slip from your own lips unconsciously.

Dear Mrs. Tobin:

Our 9-year-old daughter's language would stop the devil in his tracks. Punishing her doesn't make a bit of difference. We are often embarrassed by her mouth. Any suggestions? —Amy's Parents

Dear Parents:

Amy is acquiring her vocabulary somewhere! From you? School? Playmates? Check around and I suggest you begin in your own home. Blasphemy and vulgarity are habit forming and perhaps such words slip from your own lips unconsciously.

Dear Mrs. Tobin:

We called friends last Monday night and invited them for dessert and bridge. They turned us down because of the stupid baseball game. We think they were rude. Do you? —No Fan

Dear No Fan:

You think the Monday night baseball game is stupid. They think the same about Monday night dessert and bridge. Pick one of the six remaining nights in the week to get together.

Dear Mrs. Tobin:

The doctors just told me my husband has a terminal illness. While we don't expect a miracle we haven't given up, nor am I ready to tell our friends just how ill he is. What should I say when friends bore in for an answer? I'm sure they mean well. —Claire D.

Dear Claire D.:

Say, “The doctors are treating him and we all hope for a steady improvement.” Then ask about THEM! —By Riv Tobin, Copley News Service, 1975

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia