1960’s Party Attire Etiquette

“Many men know how to dress, but do not know how to coordinate their suit to the degree of formality of their wife's dress. As usual, on New Year's Eve, I saw nice white dinner jackets popping up among the crowd. Messieurs, they were out of place. They are appropriate after March 21st and are never worn with anything other than tuxedo pants. As for you, madames, New Year's Eve in most places in America is supposed to a dressy affair.”

In Tete-a-Tete: The Improper Male at a Party

Recently I warned Star News readers: “Beware of New Year's Eve parties." Well, last week I went to such a party and, in addition to seeing all the people over-drinking and using the mistletoe as an excuse to get in a little last-of-the-year flirting, I was amazed at the variety of costumes I saw.

The American male and female have at their finger-tips the largest supply of wonderful and inexpensive ready-to-wear apparel in the world. But they certainly do not know how to use it. Some of the husband-and-wife combinations at this party not only offended fashion, but common sense.

THIS IS NOT the first time I have been baffled by American dress. It seems to me that the gentleman should always dress up to the equivalent of his female companion. But in America, messieurs, your women may dress up in her best cocktail dress, while you disgrace her by putting on your tweed sport coat.

When she goes to the trouble of wearing a long formal gown, which is indeed a rare occasion in these parts, please, messieurs, have the good taste to wear formal attire yourself. Don't take the easy way out by committing the sacrilege of wearing a business suit and a striped tie.

MANY MEN know how to dress, but do not know how to coordinate their suit to the degree of formality of their wife's dress. As usual, on New Year's Eve, I saw nice white dinner jackets popping up among the crowd. Messieurs, they were out of place. They are appropriate after March 21st and are never worn with anything other than tuxedo pants. As for you, madames, New Year's Eve in most places in America is supposed to a dressy affair. I can understand why you may not want to buy a special long formal, although I really think you are losing out.

BUT WHAT I can't understand is why some of you refuse to wear even cocktail dresses and consider yourselves dressed for the occasion in skirts and blouses and black patent leather shoes. I don't think this represents lack of desire to dress correctly. I think it merely demonstrates ignorance- lack of understanding of what is right and what is wrong in dressing for the occasion. For your own good, It's about time you leafed through your etiquette books and glamour magazines and found out.— by Colette Michelle, National City Star News, 1964

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Queen Elizabeth II and her husband, Prince Philip

FARMER JONES MOSCOW (UPI) - What does one say to the husband of the Queen of England at a cocktail party in the capital of the Soviet Union? Royal etiquette dictates, even in a communist country, you don't speak to a Prince until spoken to. The protocol of princely encounters is one of the hidden aspects of Prince Philip’s three-day visit to the Soviet Union to inspect facilities for equestrian competition at the 1980 Olympic Games. The test will come today when the British Embassy holds a cocktail party for the 57-year-old Prince. 

If the Prince approaches you, an embassy official explained, one should stop smoking, drinking or eating. Men should bow the heads and women half curtsey. If he speaks to you, address him first as Your Royal Highness and sir thereafter. Just to make sure the British diplomats themselves knew the proper form, the embassy circulated a memorandum in advance of the party explaining how to act in the Royal presence. 

Some embassy staffers bristled at the guidelines, but others found them helpful, one diplomat said. After all, it's not every day you meet the Duke of Edinburgh, he said. Prince Philip, in his capacity as President of the International Equestrian Federation, donned a hard hat, green gumboots and a windbreaker Tuesday to inspect the main Olympics equestrian stadium. He told his Soviet hosts spectators at the stadiums dressage arena would need more room. The 4,000 seats provided were not enough, he said. Dressage is the pride of Soviet horse-riding and we expect that a lot of people will want to come and watch it, he said. 

Responding to a comment the drainage in the stables seemed inadequate, an official said it would be adequate. I suppose he's hoping the horses wont all pee at once, the Prince said. "And where will the dung heap be? If you know what I mean. Protocol still applies when royalty visits. — The Californian, Salinas, 1979

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

More Etiquette for Kaiseki Ryori

Kaiseki Ryori has been referred to as “ Japanese Haute Cuisine”… The elaborate, multi course meals and the ceremony surrounding them have earned this distinction. —

Photo courtesy of Elena Gavrilina-Fujiyama

Kaiseki ryori. Part 2

Link to Part 1 Here

Kaiseki ryori (懐石料理) is associated with the Buddhist religion of Zen and the tea ceremony. Buddhist priests, strictly following their teachings, used to keep hot stones (seki 石) in the pockets of their kimonos (kai かい) to make fasting more bearable and to better endure hunger and cold. This is the origin of the term "kaiseki ryori." Since Buddhist monks practiced vegetarianism, it was initially modest vegetarian dishes - in the kaiseki style - that were served during traditional tea ceremonies. Sometimes, kaiseki ryori encompassed the specific selection of foods associated with the cha-kaiseki - tea ceremony. It is believed that the aroma and flavor of the tea are enhanced when the person drinking it is not hungry; consequently, the term “kaiseki ryori” came to describe the light meal accompanying the tea ceremony. Kaiseki ryori dishes are primarily vegetarian. While they may occasionally include fish, they never contain meat, the consumption of which was forbidden to monks.

Thus, the history of kaiseki ryori is linked to the tea ceremony tradition and dates back to the Middle Ages. It is known that the earliest references to green tea in Japan appear in the manuscripts of Buddhist monks from the early 9th century. They were the first to sample this beverage in China, where they had traveled to adopt new cultural practices and acquire knowledge. Chinese green tea was introduced to Japan in the form of compressed bricks and tea plant seeds. The spread of the green tea-drinking culture in Japan dates back to the 12th century, thanks to the efforts of the monk Eisai (1141–1215).
Before the tea ceremony begins - which takes place in a dedicated tea house - it is customary to serve guests kaiseki ryori. This is because drinking strong green tea on an empty stomach is not recommended. 

Consequently, a light meal is served first, consisting of four courses: soup, a fried dish, a simmered dish, and a raw dish, with each course served only after the previous one has been finished. As previously mentioned, the kaiseki ryori style of dining was heavily influenced by Zen Buddhism; thus, the procedure was characterized by an absence of any excess. At the same time, the selection of dishes was always refined and costly - much like any work of art. The portions served were very small, and the presentation - featuring specially designed tableware - was exquisite, inviting philosophical reflection. For kaiseki-ryori dishes, the Japanese have traditionally used tableware created by renowned masters:

Imari-yaki (also known as Arita-yaki), produced in Saga and Nagasaki prefectures. The city of Arita in Saga Prefecture serves as the primary production hub for Imari-yaki; since the finished wares were shipped out via the city of Imari, they acquired that name. These wares are categorized into three groups: Iro-Nabeshima, characterized by red, green, and yellow colors; Nabeshima-sometsuke, featuring exclusively blue tones; and the bluish Nabeshima-seiji, made from crushed celadon raw materials.

Kiyomizu-yaki is a type of ceramic ware made from local clay and used in tea ceremonies. It is distinguished by a network of fine cracks - visible against the underglaze pattern - that form during firing in one of Japan’s most renowned kilns, established by Kiyomizu Rokubei in 1771. The name "Kiyomizu Rokubei" is borne by the head of the Kyoto-based Kiyomizu family of ceramicists. With a history spanning over 240 years, the kiln is currently operated by the eighth generation of masters under the leadership of ceramicist and sculptor Rokubei VIII. This "ceramic dynasty" has had a profound influence on the development of Kyo-yaki (Kyoto ceramics). For example, an antique set of Kiyomizu “hakeme” tea bowls by the legendary master Shimizu Rokubei IV (1848–1920) - featuring his personal seal on the bottom of each bowl - is valued at around 40 million yen (approximately 260,000 US dollars).

Karatsu-yaki - ceramics produced in the cities of Saga and Nagasaki using a high-temperature firing process - is notable for its iron-oxide-containing glaze. This ceramic tradition originated in Korea during the 15th and 16th centuries, with the first mention in Japanese chronicles dating to 1603. The only lineage of artisans practicing this technique today is the renowned Nakazato family; the fourteenth-generation master, Nakazato Taroemon XIV, continues to use his ancestors' kiln in the city of Karatsu, Saga Prefecture. The first Karatsu wares were created within the domains of the Hata clan (Kishidake, Saga Prefecture) in the late 16th century.

Kutani-yaki is a type of Japanese porcelain decorated with overglaze painting, originally produced in the city of Kaga (Ishikawa Prefecture). Kaolin and quartz were discovered in the Daishōji domain (present-day Kaga) in 1655. The feudal lord Maeda Toshiharu ordered the establishment of two workshops to produce overglaze-painted porcelain for use in tea ceremonies. This led to the production of two types of ware: “aote” porcelain, featuring surfaces covered in yellow or purple glaze, and “iroe” (polychrome) porcelain in shades of green, yellow, blue, red, and dark maroon. The technique of colorful tableware painting in Kutani was adopted from Kyoto artisans working in the Kyo-yaki style.

Kutani ceramics were showcased at the World's Fairs in Paris (1878) and Vienna (1873). Modern Kutani porcelain ranges from robust pieces -dense like stoneware or heavy porcelain - to the finest, almost translucent wares. Even today, most of these items are hand-painted, retaining the distinctive feature of having the design extend from the front surface to the reverse side.

The tableware described above vividly reflects the role these pieces play in tea ceremonies. However, it is not only the vessels that establish the ceremony's philosophical atmosphere, but also the food itself - kaiseki ryōri, intricately prepared by chefs.

Kaiseki ryori precedes the serving of tea, preparing the guest to appreciate the climactic moment of the entire event. The food should be varied, with portions that are neither too large nor too small. Dishes must not be repeated; at the same time, the full utilization of ingredients is encouraged (for example, using the leaves of a plant in one dish, the shoots in another, and the fruit in a third). The dishes should harmonize in color, taste, and aroma, evoking a sense of joy and comfort for the guest without weighing down the stomach; the appetizers served should convey a spirit of genuine hospitality and a desire to delight. It is also worth noting that the patterns on the tableware should reflect the current season or the theme of the tea ceremony.

                                                                 

By contributor, Elena Gavrilina-Fujiyama especially for Etiquipedia. Elena is a specialist in Japanese protocol and etiquette, and European social etiquette. The founder of the project Etiquette748, Elena is also a member of the National Association of Specialists of Protocol. She authored the best-selling book “Japanese Etiquette: Ancient Traditions and Modern Rules” after living in Japan for over 20 years. Elena recently was awarded the Diploma of the World Prize “Woman of the Russian World” in the category “Entrepreneurship” (Japan). The theme of the 2024 award is “Preservation and strengthening of the traditional family values.” 

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Humor and Battle Cries

Etiquette humor comes in a variety of subjects and forms. As I could not find a fitting photo for this post, I borrowed an image from another Etiquipedia post.

From tHE LIGHTER SIDE

WASHINGTON (UPI)-The U.S. Army, ever striving to make warfare more decorous, has wrought a major change in bayonet etiquette. It is not longer considered good manners for recruits to shout “Kill! Kill!” as they thrust the blade into the giblets of an imaginary adversary. Now the skewering is accompanied by a more genteel cry of “Yah! Yah!” which doesn't strike me as being very good form either.

For one thing, “Yah! Yah!” sounds too much like the German “Ja! Ja” A Teutonie affirmation rising from the lips of American GIs during hand-to-hand combat is bound to create a lot of confusion on the battlefield. Further more, a slightly nasal inflection and intonation could give the “Yah! Yah!” a twitting “Nyaah! Nyaah!” sound that is entirely inappropriate for bayonet-wielding.

If the Army wanted to do the sporting thing, it could have the sporting thing, it could have the bayonet trainees cry “En Garde!” before impaling the stuckees. This would restore a measure of gentility to the bayonet charge, which has long been distressingly uncouth. All things considered, however, I feel there is only one cry that would be in good taste when a soldier is perforating the enemy with his trusty bayonet. That cry is -“Oops!” But let me emphasize that the Army's failure to achieve total civility in the audible manifestations of bayoneting does not in any way negate the importance of its adoption of a more restrained utterance.

Indeed, this could be the first step toward an international treaty providing for the moderation of battle cries. Under the agreement, such verbal belligerency as the shouting of “Geronimo!” by American paratroopers would be forbidden.

As they jumped from the plane, the chutists would call the name of a less aggressive Indian. Perhaps “Hiawatha” or “Tonto.”

Other signatory nations, in turn, would similarly amend their battlecries to lower the tone of hostility. Japanese forces, for example, would no longer scream “Banzai!” At the onset of an attack. Instead, they would scream “Sukiyaki” Or some other peaceful expurgation. It's the next best thing to disarmament. — By Dick West, 1971

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Smoking Etiquette for Women

There actually was quite a bit of smoking etiquette in the etiquette books at the time. Above is a photo of an advertisement promoting Lucky Strike cigarettes. The advertisement features etiquette authority, Amy Vanderbilt. Still, Dick West’s informative humor on the subject was well worth the read!

WASHINGTON - (UPI) - I think I will award this week's “it's about time” citation to Miss Helen Hart, a consumer services director for the Brown & Williamson Tobacco Corp. The citation is a sort of decoration I have devised as a means of giving recognition to people who do something that should have been done a long time ago.

IT CONSISTS OF a parchment scroll bearing the imprint of an hourglass on a field of bitten-off fingernails. You'll find a bit of symbolism in the design in you look hard enough. Miss Hart deserves a citation, I believe, for having drawn up what possibly is the first set of rules of female smoking-etiquette.

This Emily Post of the nicotine habit puts down in black and white a policy that I have long advocated orally: If women are going to smoke, and it sure looks like most of them are going to, they should carry their own cigarettes.

“ALWAYS ACCEPT the cigarette that is offered to you - even though it is not your brand,” she writes. “On the next round, be alert to offer your own brand: that way you'll avoid having to reject another offer, and be doing your share of the ‘treating.’”

I am grateful to Miss Hart for making a definite point of etiquette out of what has heretofore been only a vague economic issue. However, I would have to quarrel with her ranking system.

SHE LISTS THIS admonition as No. 3 on her etiquette set. I feel it should be made the cardinal rule and, if necessary, enacted into law. I also have some misgivings about her No. 4 rule. “Let your escort light your cigarette,” it says. “Many women are too quick to do the job themselves - why not keep this gentlemanly custom alive?”

I think this is a custom most gentlemen would just as soon drop and I was glad that Miss Hart softened the rule with an amendment; “don’t demand a light if one is not offered; this simply points up a man’s lack of alertness.”

I COULD NAME off-hand a half dozen women of my acquaintance who seem to delight in pointing up my lack of alertness. Generally, they do this in some demure manner, like calling out “hey, slob, how about a light?”

The rest of Miss Hart’s rules are fairly routine pointers on how to hold cigarettes gracefully between the first joints off the index and second fingers, how to inhale, no short, nervous puffs and how to dispose of ashes, tap the cigarette slowly but ah so so deliberately and I wish, however, that she had added one more rule to the effect that a lady should always remove a cigarette from her mouth when she is about to be kissed. — Dick West, in the San Bernardino Sun, 1960

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Introduction Etiquette and Arm Wrestling

“The rules should be rewritten to require that when two or more persons are introduced they must cement the acquaintance by arm wrestling. You will never forget the name of anyone you have bested at arm wrestling, or of anyone who has bested you. Besides that, it helps get a cocktail party off to a good start…” 

🍸 🍹 🍸 🍹 🍸 🍹 🍸 🍹

What Have We Here? – Two hostess, or sweetmeat, serving sets in silver and gilded silver from France, along with a 1940’s American version of the French sets, called “Harlequin Sets,” made by Reed and Barton in the United States. They were made in both sterling and silver plate. They are serving up some typical, mid 20th century hors d’oeuvres which were often found at “cocktail parties.” Cocktails were the main feature, as from stories I heard as a child lead me to believe that a lot more drinking (and cigarette smoking) than eating transpired at these events. Martinis were especially popular. This 5 piece Harlequin set in the box features different, diminutive serving pieces using designs which were once popularly used for everything from jelly to escargots or berries, to nuts, sauces, etc... floral handles were added to them and stores sold them as versatile “party sets.” — From the book, “Yesteryear… More of What Have We Here? The Etiquette and Essentials of Past Times to the Mid-20th Century” by Site Editor, Maura J. Graber 

Introduction Etiquette In Need of Revision

WASHINGTON (UPD—What this country needs is a new book of etiquette. Right, Emily? Particularly is this true of the chapter on introductions. In my lifetime thus far I probably have been introduced to 5.000 people and I would guess that 5,000 others have been introduced to me. Yet I have never once learned anyone’s name during a formal introduction. Names uttered at those moments leave no more impression on my brain than the college algebra classes I once attended. If the hostess at a cocktail party introduces me to one of the guests, I always have to sidle up to the hostess later and whisper “What did you say that fellow’s name was?” That’s if I’m lucky. In most cases she wanders off and leaves me stuck with the person whose name I didn’t catch. 

Then another guest will join us and ask to be introduced. I’ll concede that my memory could never compete in an adhesive contest with the cheaper grades of flypaper. But 1 do say that I can ordinarily remember words no longer than most proper names for at least 15 seconds after I hear them. I blame the mental blackout that I experience during introductions on the cumbersome procedure set forth in the etiquette books for performing this function. As soon as an introduction begins. I immediately start trying to decide how I am going to acknowledge it—whether I am going to say “How do you do,” “Pleased to meet you,” or “Charmed, I’m sure.” It is this preoccupation with the ritual of the introduction that causes me to miss the names. And the same is true when I am performing an introduction. 

I get so intent on trying to remember whether the lady is introduced to the man, or whether the older person is introduced to the younger, that I forget the names of the people I am introducing. With friends this is embarrassing and when one of the names that slip your mind happens to belong to the woman you married it is downright painful. Which is why I say that what this country needs is a new book of etiquette. The rules should be rewritten to require that when two or more persons are introduced they must cement the acquaintance by arm wrestling. You will never forget the name of anyone you have bested at arm wrestling, or of anyone who has bested you. Besides that, it helps get a cocktail party off to a good start. — By Dick West Reports, for the San Bernardino Sun, 1964

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Soup in a Mustachioed Gilded Age

“It seems from these extracts to be the rule of highly-cultured nations, that no one should speak while he is eating soup, and, considering the modern mustache, it may be a very appropriate police regulation.” — Three “Mustache Spoon” designs from the Gilded Age for eating soup, including one for left-handed dining. Many of these spoons were also occasionally marketed as “Noiseless Soup Spoons.” During the period there was great focus on silently keeping a gentleman’s mustache free of foods and liquids. 

—Photo source Etiquipedia’s private library 

There are some dinner rules in high fashion we may not all know. For instance, in the new novel, “Aristocracy,” this passage occurs: “‘I dare say you'll find England very different from America, Mr Allen,’ Lady Oaktorrington (pronounced ottor) says after the removal of the soup, during which course not a word had been spoken at table.” 

And how it is in France one may gather from Guy de Maupassant’s novel, “Belami,” in which this occurs: “The servant announced: ‘Madame is served.’ then they adjourned to the dining room. Duray found himself seated between Mme. de Marelle and her daughter. *** No one spoke while eating the soup.” This looks like it is by design. 

It seems from these extracts to be the rule of highly-cultured nations, that no one should speak while he is eating soup, and, considering the modern mustache, it may be a very appropriate police regulation. But we must not too quickly jump at conclusions. We all know that sometimes at American dinner parties, in the matter of early conversation, one finds himself, as it were, silently “in the soup.” - Louisville Courier Journal, 1890

Patented “Mustache Holders” and lifters of the era were also sold to those who worried about appearances while dining. As popular as mustaches were at the time, the mustache spoons, along with cups and other mustache-themed items sold very well, even if their patented designs looked downright ridiculous when sent to the patent office to great, unintended comic effect. 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Veep Reached, Emily Reacted!

Mrs. Emily Post, arbiter of social etiquette, had recently given out an opinion stating it would be “social death” to blunder in the important matter of arranging place cards without a ruling from the Secretary of State.

BE SEATED, MRS. GANN!

ABOVE LEFT, Mrs. Edward E. Gann, sister and official hostess of Vice President Curtis, who was accorded the social status which would normally be accorded the wife of a Vice President, at a meeting of the Diplomatic Corps today. Right, Mrs. Emily Post, arbiter of social etiquette, who recently gave out an opinion stating it would be “social death” to blunder in the important matter of arranging place cards without a ruling from the Secretary of State; lower right, Vice President Curtis, who demanded that his sister be given equal rating with him on dinner party seating lists. — San Pedro News Pilot, April, 1929

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia