When to Use a Spoon or Fork

“The spoon is the proper medium for conveying many varieties of semi-liquid foods; but methods of preparing certain foods differ according to locality, and to this difference is attributable much of the misunderstanding existing between the use of the fork and spoon.” — You will find many more forks than spoons at place settings. This is because spoons are used for liquid and very soft or semi-liquid foods like sorbets, soups and chili. Forks are used for vegetables, fruits, meats, and nearly everything else at a meal which isn’t a finger food, like breads, etc…  Specialty combination utensils, like many developed in the Glided Age — ice cream forks, pie forks, orange spoons, etc, ... — are rarely seen on today’s tables, which is a shame. The only combination utensils regularly seen today, sadly, are plastic “sporks.”

No more nonsensical statement could be made than that everything eatable should be carried to the lips with a fork. The spoon is the proper medium for conveying many varieties of semi-liquid foods; but methods of preparing certain foods differ according to locality, and to this difference is attributable much of the misunderstanding existing between the use of the fork and spoon. 

Tomatoes cooked without anything to absorb their liquid contain but little pulp which can be eaten with a spoon, but the delicious manner of thus preparing them, which prevails throughout New England, more than counterbalances the satisfaction that the remnant of solid matter conveyed to the mouth upon a fork would bestow; and those to whom the preparation is agreeable would merely proclaim themselves ridiculously automatic in their ideas by attempting to eat them without the aid of a spoon. 

On the other hand the same vegetable, prepared so that but little moisture remains, is as easily lifted upon the fork as mashed potato. We have made an every-day selection to illustrate this point, but the rule applies as practically to the daintiest viand that rejoices in a French name, and should be as faithfully adhered to at the table of a King as at the humblest board. - By Eliza Lavin, 1889

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Decorum

         In the Gilded Age, one major, widely sold, best selling etiquette manual featured was Decorum: A Practical Treatise on Etiquette and Dress of the Best American Society. Originally published in 1877 by J.A. Ruth & Co., it was essentially the “bible” for Victorian social norms and ran through numerous, highly successful editions. Another related, notable, though smaller scale best seller was The Bazar Book of Decorum (1870) by Harper & Brothers.

The Word of the Day is Decorum

Today's word is DECORUM. 

It’s pronounced—de-koh-rum, with accent on the second syllable. It means—decency, seemliness, fitness, modesty. 

It comes from—Latin “decorum," comely. 

Companion word —dccorus. It’s used like this —“When in society you should behave with decorum .”

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Miss Manners Rescues Civilization

“The tiniest custom may offer a glimpse into how a mannerly concept, such as fairness, has been translated into behavior,” she writes. “Tradition is what gives a society meaning and the rules by which it lives are what make it work.” — Miss Manners

Handling More Than Mere Manners 

From Sexual Harassment, Frivolous Lawsuits, Dissing : and Other Lapses in Civility by Judith Martin

A Book Review

“Miss Manners insists on the E-word,” writes Judith Martin in “Miss Manners Rescues Civilization,” the latest in her long-running series of lighthearted lessons in behaving well in our benighted world.

The “E-word,” of course, is etiquette, and etiquette has long been a highly lucrative enterprise for Martin. Why, she has even registered “Miss Manners” as a trademark, and a federal trademark symbol is neatly affixed to the famous name on the cover of her book.

Still, Martin’s seriocomic approach to good manners conceals an earnest interest in what defines and preserves a civilization against decadence and decline. Much of what Martin writes is actually a kind of study in cultural anthropology, even if she dresses up her field notes with artful parody and self-deprecating humor.

“The tiniest custom may offer a glimpse into how a mannerly concept, such as fairness, has been translated into behavior,” she writes. “Tradition is what gives a society meaning and the rules by which it lives are what make it work.”

As she sets up and knocks down straw men, debating with carping letter-writers and always getting in the last word, we realize that Martin is passionately interested in the weightiest and most urgent issues in our troubled world— class hatred, senseless acts of violence, the struggle for social justice, the search for enlightenment and fulfillment. In that sense, the title of her book (like the book itself) only appears to be satirical.

So Martin ponders when it is appropriate to wear hats or white shoes or black tie; she pontificates on the correct way to address a former president; she protests against putting on make-up in public. But she also makes a convincing case for the proposition that good manners can be a matter of life and death.

“Miss Manners may be used to a certain loneliness in her devotion to etiquette as the basic force of civilization, but when a disaster occurs, she has plenty of company,” writes Martin. “After the bombing of the federal office building in Oklahoma City, large and small acts of consideration, thoughtfulness and kindness abounded.”

Indeed, there is literally no arena of moral controversy into which she hesitates to wander, no form of human encounter too bizarre to baffle her sense of right and wrong. Miss Manners instructs a ninth-grader on how to conduct a decorous argument on the subject of abortion; she counsels a woman whose waist-length hair attracts fondling by strangers to call the cops; she opines on the proper degree of decorum in dealing with a former neighbor who once molested a reader’s daughter.

Here and there, Martin bulks up her book with questions so dunderheaded and answers so predictable that one suspects she is simply running out of material for yet another book. “Is it ever appropriate to give one the finger?” one reader asks in apparent innocence. “Certainly not,” says the unflappable Miss Manners, surprising no one at all.

More often, though, Miss Manners finds herself drawn into the role of defining, rather than reporting on, the fast-changing standards of etiquette, a role she clearly savors and performs especially well. After all, what does the traditional rule of etiquette tell us about how to deal with a neighbor who watches pornographic movies with the window blinds wide open, or the mourner who brings his video cam to a funeral?

“It seems to Miss Manners that you are showing far too much interest in the nature of your neighbor’s habits,” Miss Manners scolds one reader, and the other reader she comforts: “To film weeping mourners is an appalling intrusion on their privacy.”

Behind the mask of Miss Manners lurks a subtle parodist named Judith Martin, and deep inside Judith Martin beats the heart of a an authentic visionary who is enraptured by the prospect of a world characterized by social equality and social justice. The fact that she uses the “E-word” to characterize her faintly utopian vision— and the fact that she uses such sly good humor in describing it— makes the whole enterprise no less stirring. — By Jonathan Kirsch, Special to the Times, 1996

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Those You Don’t Enjoy

Navigating Social Situations with

People You Don't Enjoy

Image Source: milkos; "Bad Date.", 2023. Accessed via https://www.123RF.com/photo_161891686, Standard License.

We've all been there — stuck at a networking event, family gathering, or workplace function with people you don't enjoy spending time with. Whether they're acquaintances who rub you the wrong way or new connections that simply don't click, etiquette requires us to maintain civil, respectful behavior even when every fiber of our being wants to escape. The good news? With the right strategies, you can navigate these uncomfortable social situations with grace and dignity.

Understanding the Challenge

When you encounter people you don't enjoy being around, your body often signals distress before your mind catches up. You might feel yourself tense up, experience a sense of dread, or mentally transport yourself anywhere but where you currently stand. These are normal reactions, but they don't have to control your behavior or compromise your professional reputation.

Essential Mindfulness Techniques

The foundation for managing interactions with people you don't enjoy lies in mindfulness. Practice these grounding techniques:

• Breathe deeply through your nose, allowing oxygen to calm your nervous system. Exhale slowly and deliberately — but avoid audible sighing, which can signal impatience or discomfort to others. This simple breathing pattern helps regulate your emotional response and maintains your composure.

• Practice active, attentive listening by focusing genuinely on what the other person is saying rather than planning your escape. This keeps you anchored in the present moment and paradoxically makes the interaction pass more quickly. When you're truly engaged, you'll also spot natural conversation endpoints that allow for polite exits.

• Maintain your composure by checking your body language. Keep your facial expressions neutral to pleasant, avoid crossing your arms defensively, and resist the urge to look at your phone or scan the room for better options.

Conversation Strategies for Difficult Interactions

Once you've centered yourself, employ these tactical approaches in navigating conversation:

• Start positively when entering shared spaces. A simple, genuine opener like "I hope your drive was pleasant" or "It's good to see you" sets a cordial tone that makes the entire interaction easier to manage.

• Find common ground or shared goals, especially in professional settings. Even with people you don't enjoy, you likely share some connection — whether it's a work project, mutual acquaintance, or common interest. Focusing on these neutral territories keeps conversations productive and less personal.

• Redirect skillfully when conversations veer into uncomfortable territory. Use a light touch to change subjects: "That reminds me, did you hear about..." or "Speaking of which, I've been meaning to ask someone about..."

• Employ validating phrases like "That's interesting" or "I hadn't considered that perspective" to acknowledge contributions without necessarily agreeing. 

• Challenge your negative thoughts when they arise. Notice when you're thinking critically about someone and consciously counter it with something neutral or positive. This internal practice prevents negativity from seeping into your expression or tone.

Cultivating Compassion

Perhaps the most powerful tool for managing people you don't enjoy is compassion. Remember that everyone carries invisible burdens — social anxiety, low self-esteem, personal struggles, or simply feeling out of place. The person irritating you might be deeply uncomfortable themselves, expressing their discomfort in ways that don't resonate with you.

We don't always know another person's full story, despite assumptions made through workplace gossip or first impressions. Ask open-ended questions that invite storytelling: "How did you get started in your field?" or "What's been the highlight of your week?" You might discover surprising common ground or qualities worth appreciating.

The Professional Standard

Regardless of personal feelings, maintaining professional dignity is non-negotiable. This means never using coarse language, avoiding confrontational behavior, and treating everyone with basic respect. Your reputation depends not on how you treat people you like, but on how you treat people you don't enjoy.

Finding Perspective

Sometimes, the qualities that bother us in others reflect aspects of ourselves we haven't fully accepted. Other times, people simply handle situations differently than we would. Extending grace acknowledges that we're all imperfect, all doing our best with the tools and awareness we have.

By keeping interactions civil, polite, and when possible, brief, you protect your own peace while honoring etiquette's fundamental principle: treating all people with dignity, regardless of personal preference.

Contributor, Candace Smith is a retired, national award-winning secondary school educator, Candace Smith teaches university students and professionals the soft skills of etiquette and protocol. She found these skills necessary in her own life after her husband received international recognition in 2002. Plunged into a new “normal” of travel and formal social gatherings with global leaders, she discovered how uncomfortable she was in many important social situations. After extensive training in etiquette and protocol, Candace realized a markedly increased confidence level in meeting and greeting and dining skills and was inspired to share these skills that will help others gain comfort and confidence in dining and networking situations. Learn more at http://www.candacesmithetiquette.com/

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Post WWI Manners Deplorable

The lack of good manners in all classes is to be deplored. It has been thought of sufficient importance for an agitation to be started in one city to teach manners in the public schools…

Good Manners:

World Not Yet Recovered Yet From Great War

A 2nd Debut Article from 2018

“I THINK there is so much hypocrisy in good manners,” said a woman whom I know very well, the other day. “You mean,” I quickly retorted, “hypocrisy may be found in fine manners?”

She tossed her head defiantly, declaring: “That is a distinction, not a difference.”

I persisted in my defense. “You know quite well” said I. “that good manners mean sincere regard for others, self-discipline and service. Fine manners may mean being merely polite and well-bred in behavior.”

The lack of good manners in all classes is to be deplored. It has been thought of sufficient importance for an agitation to be started in one city to teach manners in the public schools.

This slump in conventional dignity, this letting down of social bars, is the recognized aftermath of war. Those who can recall the effect of the Civil War upon must shudder at the memory.  Today the frenzy of the World War is past, but the world has not yet recovered its poise.

Let us, however, take notice of the stupendous development of real unselfishness in our own people- the practical unselfishness which has made America the hope of famishing European babies and mothers. What has this to do with the question of manners? Everything!

Selfishness is the supreme foe of good manners. And in this real solicitude for suffering humanity, there may be found hope for the redemption of American manners which, at their best, are agreeable and likely to win favor, in any official or private gathering.

There is no need to worry over the lost manners of some of our men, for the loss is only temporary. Many of us women, however, will acquire better manners when we learn how to conquer our nerves and conserve our nervous energies. For, in spite of beauty, cleverness and good taste, some women lack the exquisite charm of repose.

Many young women in fashionable social life, as well as some actresses, are incapable of seating themselves gracefully. They will crouch, they will flop, they will stand in front of a chair and fidget before dropping into it. can't keep still. 

The average American woman can’t — keep still. This is the chief blemish of American manners, and just as soon as we women are convinced of this fact we will conquer our nerves and acquire poise.

Let us teach our children manners for home use as a beginning. and, before we know it, there will be no reason left to complain of American manners. “Manners are the happy ways of doing things,” wrote Emerson. — By Clara Morris, Los Angeles Herald, 1921

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Manners Make the World Nicer

 

In his fantasy, whenever someone did something rude he changed into a muscular man in a Superman-like outfit with a big “M” on his chest. In his fantasy, people would look up into the sky and say, “Look, it’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s Manners Man!” He was Manners Man. 

In 1983, He wanted to make the world nicer

WASHINGTON I have a fantasy. (Okay, I have several, but this cne I can write about.) In my fantasy, whenever someone does something rude I change into a muscular man in a Superman-like outfit with a big “M” on my chest. In my fantasy, people will look up into the sky and say, "Look, it's a bird, it's a plane, it’s Manners Man!” I am Manners Man. 

When a group of really tough-looking kids blast one of those monster portable radios. I go up to them and ask politely that they either turn it off or play a soft Bach piece say the Goldberg Variations, preferably the Glenn Gould rendition. The kids give me a look of utter contempt, offer some comments on my ancestry, and offer to engage me in fisticuffs. It is then that I dart into a phone booth and return as Manners Man. I swoop down on them, take the radio in my hands of steel, and reduce the thing to a lump of plastic. Then I tell the kids that never, under pain of being heaved into outer space, will they play the radio loudly again. 

Back in civilian clothes and looking like the mildmannered columnist that I am, I scour the city, searching for breaches of manners. I pay particular attention to rest rooms, appearing as Manners Man whenever I catch somebody throwing paper towels on the floor. I offer my usual speech about good manners and then go on my way, leaving everyone openmouthed and, of course, wiser. Next, I sit by the phone, waiting for a call. In due course, it comes and a voice says, “Is Chuck there?” Very politely I say, "I’m sorry, you must have the wrong number. There is no Chuck here.” The caller merely hangs up. No sorry. No thank you. Just a click. Whoosh! I become Manners Man. 

Through powers I will not bother to explain, I fly to the house of the caller. I find him, big, powerful, insolent, sitting by the phone. I come right through the window. “It is bad manners to get a wrong number and hang up without apologizing.” He looks at me in dismay. “You are rude,” I say, and with that, I grab the phone, yank it from the wall and heave it in the general direction of Krypton. 

Being Manners Man keeps me very busy. I have to straighten out cab drivers who give passengers anxiety attacks by not acknowledging that they heard the destination. 1 also have to do something when cab drivers don’t say thank you after being tipped. I deal with people in supermarkets who leave their carts in the middle of the aisle, drivers who empty their ashtrays out the window and kids who cut into movie lines. 

In fact, Manners Man spends a lot of time in the movies. He has to straighten out people who talk too loudly, put their feet up on the seat, read subtitles out loud. Outside the movies, Manners Man contends with people who stop in their tracks when getting off an escalator, not caring that the people behind them have no place to go but up their backs. He wrecks the cars of drivers who do not signal when turning and he deals ruthlessly with sales clerks everywhere who ignore a customer to take a telephone call. Manners Man throws them clear into the lingerie department. 

A psychiatrist might think that Manners Man is just another name for my super ego, that I am frustrated, thwarted and full of hostility. Manners Man, though, does not care what they think. Manners Man’s only concern is to make the world nicer, for it to be less rude and cleaner and not as loud. To this end, like Captain Midnight (or was it someone else?), Manners Man asks no quarter and gives no quarter. Soon, Manners Man becomes the scourge of motorcyclists. He hunts down those with the loudest machines and wraps their cycles around telephone poles. 

Manners Man demolishes garbage trucks that grind away early in the morning and it goes without saying that Manners Man does not, for a second, put up with Billy Martin or George Steinbrenner. Manners Man washes out their mouths with soap. Unlike Superman, Manners Man is not fazed by Kryptonite. The only thing that can stop him is good manners, and with John McEnroe setting an example for the world, Manners Man’s future is assured. Up, up and away. —By Richard Cohen, The Washington Post, 1983

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Good Conversation

The second bit of common sense is to learn when to keep quiet, Brugere said: "It is a sad thing when men have neither the wit to speak well, nor judgment to hold their tongues." There needs to be both give and take in good conversation. Carlyle said it this way: "Speech is great, but silence is greater." Learn to both speak and listen well...

Let's Talk — Rediscover art of good conversation

“Don't be a conversation dropout” is almost a byword. We are encouraged in many ways to rediscover what has almost become a lost art, the rich enjoyment of good. conversation. 

The principle behind good conversation is simple. It is just good manners, or common sense in the consideration of others in the exchange of ideas.

I offer you the following tried and proven ways of enjoying conversation with your fellow mortals:

• First rule is absolute. Do not center your contribution on yourself, your spouse, home or your health. The easiest rock to hit in the stream of good conversation is your own ego. When you are hung up at this level of contribution, the listener is soon bored, and the items of common concerns of objective interest are lost. Items which are objective, such as advances in science, art, vital world events or sports allow rewarding conversation to take place.
• The second bit of common sense is to learn when to keep quiet, Brugere said: "It is a sad thing when men have neither the wit to speak well, nor judgment to hold their tongues." There needs to be both give and take in good conversation. Carlyle said it this way: "Speech is great, but silence is greater." Learn to both speak and listen well... 
• Another undiscovered error that many commit is the conversation stopper "You are wrong!" The results will either be silence, change of subject, or the degeneration into emotion or argument. Certainly there is no exchanging of ideas, much less the fun of minds meeting and exchanging ideas.

The use of phrases such as "I do not agree," or "Let me share how I feel about that," leaves the door open. Giving the other person the respect that there is merit to what he is saying leaves room for both parties to profit. Leave out of your vocabulary door-slamming phrases if you wish to be a conversationalist.

The childish sin of immature conversationalists is that of interrupting. I am sorry that we often see this in its worst form on TV by celebrity panelists who carry the title of expert in their fields. Giving them the benefit of the doubt, I can only believe that their idea is so powerful it impels them to share it that instant, and step on someone else's idea, and they cannot help themselves.

But for ordinary mortals, such behavior is a mark of an undisciplined mind and has no business in a mature conversation. It is rude, poor manners and lacks the basic consideration and respect on which intelligent sharing of ideas is based.

While you're listening, learn how to hear the speaker. It will keep you from sitting there glassy-eyed while forming your opening wedge into his stream of thought. When this is the case, you are hearing what he is saying. The reward for listening well may be more than what you may be ready for. People often return the compliment and will listen to you. There is the possibility of a good conversation in the works when this happens.

Listening has another fringe benefit. I listened to a man about his technical subject for an hour, with my posture, hands, eyes as well as my ears. I didn't say more than 10 words. The man later described me to the host as the most interesting conversationalist he had ever met. The next time we met, he asked me about my concerns, and we have had excellent conversations and a good friendship since. Listening is as important as speaking in a conversation.

If you talk well, you have learned how to think well. If you find it hard to contribute to a mature conversation, practice talking to yourself out loud about what you have experienced, felt, read or saw each day. It makes you perceptive, objective and articulate.

Avoid shop talk, to the unfamiliar, and follow your honest curiosity by tossing a bouquet of all bouquets to a speaker, by inquiring further about what he or she is saying. Read outside your field ponder what it means in our fast-moving culture, and you will not be a conversation dropout. I guarantee it. — By Rev. W. Lee Truman, Copley News Service, 1981

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Good Table Manners are Globally Fun

“Everyone likes to be social when they dine. The French have carried this to the extreme and aim for an air of style and elegance. A French meal can be a “masterpiece,” reports Mrs. Stewart. She says there is complete attention to detail with an “interweaving” of fine food, good company, sparkling conversation, beautiful service, fresh flowers, and the ever present wines.”

Global Manners Make Foreign Food More Fun!

The kimono-clad waitress bows slightly and offers you a moist towel on a rattan tray. Uncertainty sets in. Now what? Moisten your mandible? Clean your clavicle? According to Marjabelle Stewart, mentor of manners, the moist towels, called “oshibori”and found in Japanese restaurants, are for cleaning the hands before dining.

Mrs. Stewart is an expert on global globbling in good taste. She spent many years among foreign dignitaries in Washington, D.C., teaching the elite to eat with elan. Working with the chief of protocol, she advised families, who would be traveling abroad in an official capacity, on the proper manners for all kinds of occasions with a foreign flavor. Author of. several etiquette books, Mrs. Stewart is now emissary for the frozen potato people.

According to Mrs. Stewart, ethnic etiquette isn't only for the elite, however. Along with those who breakfast in Belgium, lunch in Liberia and sup in Spain, are millions who are discovering the delights of dining with a foreign flair in their own home towns. The ethnic eatery is the place to be seen. “And,” says Mrs. Stewart, “you’ll feel most comfortable if you’re seen partaking properly. What’s polite in Poughkeepsie could be rude in Rumania.”

For instance, in a Japanese restaurant it is considered correct to hold the rice bowl close to your mouth and, of course, to use chopsticks to carry the food to your waiting lips.

If you find yourself actually in Japan, be sure to say “Thank you” before and after the meal. You are expected to remove your shoes if there is a tatami (woven straw) mat on the floor, says Mrs. Stewart. In rural Japan the diner must keep eating all that is offered, even if he is full. And in all of Japan, slurping noises when eating indicate enjoyment.

A Dutch “aardappellepel” or a potato spoon. It’s for serving potatoes. It is round with a lip on each side so designed to keep the potatoes from falling onto the table when they are being served.

Mrs. Stewart reports that Continental manners are being seen more and more here in the States. “It's not at all unusual,” she says, “to see diners holding their forks in their left hands and their knives in their right hands, and eating with their left hands as they do in Europe.” Europeans also keep their right hands on the table, at about wrist length, instead of on their laps, which is considered rude.

If you are in a European eatery, don't expect to find a glass of water. You must ask for the water and the ice. But why bother? The wine that is served is bound to be delicious!

In Germany and Austria you’ll get a sandwich served on a little wooden board. Don't pick it up - use your knife and fork. Europeans eat nothing with their fingers… not even french fries. (“Of course,”  asserts Mrs. Stewart, “in the United States, any way you eat a french fry is all right.”)

In Holland, or in Dutch restaurants in this country, you will find a fish fork and fish knife. The short, flat fork has three large tines. The wide, tapered knife is excellent for removing fish bones.

Another Dutch specialty is a potato spoon which is round with a lip on each side so designed to keep the potatoes from falling onto the table. Mrs. Stewart would like to see the potato spoon used in this country.

“No one should chance dropping a tater tot,” she said.

In Ethiopia, as in other Arab countries, one eats from a communal pot with the right hand. Since the left hand is used for sanitary purposes, this custom is adhered to strictly. Not too many years ago, an Ethiopian who ate with his left hand was punished by having his right (eating) hand cut off. He would then starve to death. And you thought your Mother was strict!

Our own state of Hawaii also has a dish eaten with fingers from a communal potpoi. Poi is a glutinous substance made from taro root. It is eaten by putting the index and middle finger in the pot and licking them off. Sharing poi is a very social thing to do ... much like eating fondue, which is. a Swiss dish.

Everyone likes to be social when they dine. The French have carried this to the extreme and aim for an air of style and elegance. A French meal can be a “masterpiece,” reports Mrs. Stewart. She says there is complete attention to detail with an “interweaving” of fine food, good company, sparkling conversation, beautiful service, fresh flowers, and the ever present wines.

However, a guest in a French home or restaurant need not be intimidated by the array of wine glasses and silverware.

Mrs. Stewart says, "The fork and large spoon at the top of the plate are for dessert. When the meal begins, start by using the silverware farthest from your plate and work your way in. Your dinner fork will be removed with your dinner plate. Your dinner knife should be left resting on the small crystal or silver knife holder and used again for the cheese course."

Even in a private home in France, there may be three or four wine glasses per left hand is used for sanitary purposes, this custom is adhered to strict- ly. Not too many years ago, an Ethiopian who ate with his left hand was punished by having his right (eating) hand cut off. He would then starve to death. And you thought your Mother was strict!

Our own state of Hawaii also has a dish eaten with fingers from a communal potpoi. Poi is a glutinous substance made from taro root. It is eaten by putting the index and middle finger in the pot and licking them off. Sharing poi is a very social thing to do ... much like eating fondue, which is. a Swiss dish.

Everyone likes to be social when they dine. The French have carried this to the extreme and aim for an air of style and elegance. A French meal can be a "masterpiece," reports Mrs. Stewart. She says there is complete attention to detail with an “interweaving” of fine food, good company, sparkling conversation, beautiful service, fresh flowers, and the ever present wines.

However, a guest in a French home or restaurant need not be intimidated by the array of wine glasses and silverware.

Mrs. Stewart says, “The fork and large spoon at the top of the plate are for dessert. When the meal begins, start by using the silverware farthest from your plate and work your way in. Your dinner fork will be removed with your dinner plate. Your dinner knife should be left resting on the small crystal or silver knife holder and used again for the cheese course.”

Even in a private home in France, there may be three or four wine glasses per person. Mrs. Stewart says, “In a French home it is considered rude to leave wine in a glass. However, it is perfectly permissible to signal the butler that you've had enough.

‘If you find yourself confused, watch what your hostess does,” advises Mrs. Stewart, “and just follow her lead.”

Course after course, the French meal goes on. It is not unusual for the meal to continue for 2½ hours. It is perfectly all right to smoke between the courses cigarettes only, no cigars and pipes.

Following dinner in France, the guests adjourn to the salon (living room) for coffee, brandy and bon bons. After an especially large meal, with many wines, cold orange juice is also served just before the guests depart.

Interestingly, the English divide the sexes after dinner. The men remain in the dining room for port and cigars while the ladies retire to the living room for coffee. In France, the men and women stay together for coffee and liquers.

Mrs. Stewart further advises that one never tips the maids who serve dinner in a European home, but, if you are a guest overnight, you are expected to leave a small tip on the dresser. — Rancho Cucamonga Times, 1978

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia