Sunday, February 16, 2025

Etiquette for Cruise Line Dining

   Above, perusing and photographing a very small portion of the midnight buffet – It became obvious on the cruises I have taken that the majority of passengers take cruises simply for the food. The midnight buffets are extraordinary, and the menus are now offering a more lighter fare for the diet and the fitness conscious.

When it to comes offering fun to vacationers, while also educating them on how to be polite at the same time, the cruise lines have the market cornered. For example, they tell you when to tip, how much to tip, and will strongly suggest what they consider to be appropriate attire.

About the only thing on the ships not explained are the confusing table settings. But, in all fairness, the cruise ships, in an effort to accommodate the many nationalities and customs of their employees and guests, have had to come up with unique ways of serving foods, clearing dishes and utensils, and keeping thousands of people happy.

Not an easy trick. The last cruise I took was on a ship booked to capacity. Over 1,800 people were on board. The meals, routinely scheduled with an “early” and “late” seating for breakfast, lunch and dinner, were served to over 900 guests in the dining rooms, with every guest fully expecting his or her dish to be served at the proper temperature and tasting fabulous.

Our head waiter was from Italy, our waiter from India, and our assistant waiter was from Jamaica. Each was responsible for several tables.

I noticed how often they were asked questions, and I even quizzed them myself for more clarification after the meals were finished. 

The following is what you should know about cruise ship dining:

“In this business, hospitality is essential.” was the word from our waiter. “On the ships we have to sometimes compromise between the cultures.

“Where in the United States foods are served from the left and plates are removed from the right, and the opposite holds for the European countries, we have found it easier and more efficient to serve and remove from the right... Everything.”

Our assistant waiter was constantly removing unused utensils from the place settings that should, or could, have been used to that point in the meal. Always polite, he answered the same question over and over again as to why he did this. “Because you will not need these any longer,” he would say with a huge grin, not wanting to: (1) point out that the diner had used the wrong fork for a particular course (which is exactly what I had done), or (2) get into lengthy table setting instructions unless the diner asked for them (which I also did!)

The table settings can be confusing! While according to the dining room director of Norwegian Cruise Lines their table settings are more traditional European than other cruise ships, they still attempt to fit the needs of their guests

“We only have two knives at the setting on the right of the plate. We deal with a lot of Europeans who tend to use more knives than Americans. We will replace them as needed throughout the meal.”

With regard to typical place settings, the dessert fork and spoon are placed above the plate Both Norwegian Cruise Lines and Royal Caribbean, however, put two spoons above the plate and one fork The extra spoon is for coffee, and the Royal Caribbean fork is for the appetizer.

This came as quite a shock to me. With three dinner-size forks to the left of the plate and one smallish fork (in between the size of a salad fork and a cocktail fork) above the plate, I figured the setting complemented the menu rather well.

Some of the appetizers were quite large, and I don't oppose to eating salads with a larger fork than I am accustomed to. European flatware is generally larger than its American counterparts.

“If you remove other silver from the table that I've not ordered the course for, why haven't you ever removed the fork from above the plate if its intended purpose is the appetizer?” I asked after being told I didn't know the setting as well as I had thought. I had never seen the appetizer or cocktail fork placed there and assumed it was for dessert.

Prior to the dessert course, if I'd only ordered the entree and used one fork to the left of the plate, the other two beside it were whisked away.

The only answer that seemed to make sense was given to me by the dining room manager, who said: “We make it your choice. If you use it for an appetizer, that's fine. If you save it for dessert, that's okay also. We leave it up to the guests and don't say anything unless they ask.”

As previously stated, Norwegian Cruise Lines ships are more traditional and set from the far left of the plate a cocktail fork, a salad fork and a dinner fork; from the far right a soup spoon, and moving toward the plate is a knife that is sized so that it can be used for a salad or an appetizer, then replaced if needed for another course, and then the dinner knife. 
The bread plate and butter spreader are also placed differently on Royal Caribbean. Theirs is placed to the left of the forks, with the blade of the spreader facing the diner to the left of the setting, in an "aggressive" manner while Norwegian's plates are above the forks with the blade facing the diner it is intended for in a “nonaggressive” manner. But, in all fairness, every time I dine out I see confusion as to whose bread is whose, so this may be Royal Caribbean’s way of leaving it up to the diners as to who eats from where.

It became obvious on the cruises I have taken that the majority of passengers take cruises simply for the food. The midnight buffets are extraordinary, and the menus are even now offering lighter fare for the diet and fitness conscious. If you’ve got a cruise booked in your future, I wish you a bon voyage. — By Maura J. Graber, for Inland Empire Magazine, July 1994


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Saturday, February 15, 2025

Gilded Age Ball and Music Etiquette

At fashionable private balls in New York houses, an orchestra of stringed instruments, or one of the famous Hungarian bands, discourses sweet music for the entire evening from behind a screen of palms and tropical plants. – Photo: Alison Cohen Rosa/Courtesy of HBO via X / Twitter

It is no longer the fashion to have a formal opening, a “Grand March,” or anything of that sort for balls given in private houses or even in halls or assembly rooms, except in the case of a few functions given by clubs and military organizations. The dancing begins as soon as half a dozen or so couples have arrived. 

Naturally, the bigger the ball the larger the orchestra engaged to play for the festivities. At fashionable private balls in New York houses, an orchestra of stringed instruments, or one of the famous Hungarian bands, discourses sweet music for the entire evening from behind a screen of palms and tropical plants. For a smaller dance an orchestra of three or four pieces is all that is necessary, while for informal affairs and small country dances the piano alone can be made to suffice. 

The waltz and the two-step, varied by an occasional set of lancers and the cotillion, sometimes called the german, are about all the dances that society cares to indulge in at present. When the cotillion is danced it usually begins directly after supper, unless the entire evening is to be devoted to it. – Copyright, 1905, by A. S. Barnes & Co.


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Friday, February 14, 2025

Etiquette and the Romance Factor




Music. Dance. Poetry. Perfume. Sexy lingerie. Chocolate. Etc... We have been bombarded with gift suggestions for your Valentine. So we’ve rated several gifts from “1” (barely romantic) to “10” (awash in romance).

1. Perfume. You have a great chance of finding one that you love, s/he hates - making perfume one of the most potentially dangerous gifts. But find one that puts you both in a romantic mood, and you've hit the jackpot.

2. Poetry. 
Besides being romantic, it’s cheap – Free at your public library!

3. Overnight stay in a luxury hotel suite. The most fantastic fantasy packages can be found. Your price and pocketbook are your only limitations.

4. Private music. Singing Telegrams can deliver a singing telegram to your Valentine - upbeat, sentimental, or whatever, over the phone or in person. (Updating this to 2025, they can be delivered online, as well.)

5. Music. Centuries of love songs can be on the agenda.

6. Dancing. Valentine’s Day is a popular time for dances with romantic themes.Can't get him to go? “She drags him in for the first lesson - after that, he drags her in,” said Emily, of the John and Emily Ross Dance Studio.

7. Chocolate. It’s smooth, sensual, melts at body temperature, and generally needs no introduction. Careful, though — a third of women are dieting at any given moment.

8. Lingerie. This is pretty romantic once you get it home, but a man in the lingerie department is great material for a humor columnist. If you don’t know her size by number, go for “one size fits all,” like stockings decorated with hearts or a red negligee. Decide what you want before you go in, march right up to the clerk, and ask for it. It’s her job not to laugh.

9. Diamonds. The Romans thought diamonds were splinters of fallen stars, Greeks thought they were tears of the gods, their inner fire analogous to love's passion. Can’t get much more romantic than that. Before you spring, cultivate the acquaintance of a jeweler you feel you can trust.

10. A kiss. Ah, one of those best things in life that are free. A kiss can be discreet and friendly, or amorous and fervent. - From an article by S. Boynton for the Press Democrat, 1993


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Thursday, February 13, 2025

Etiquette Humor and a U.S. President


Official etiquette forbids divulgence of Presidential conversations, but a friend of a friend of a prominent inmate of the White House says that a little bird told him that Mark Twain's name came up in some connection… Public domain image of Colonel George Harvey


There are those who would have given no small sum to have been within hearing distance while President Wilson and Colonel George Harvey were conversing in the White House. Mutual friends used to say that it was as good as a play to watch the flashes that sprang from a crossing of those two keenest of minds over a luncheon table.

Official etiquette forbids divulgence of Presidential conversations, but a friend of a friend of a prominent inmate of the White House says that a little bird told him that Mark Twain's name came up in some connection, and Colonel Harvey remarked casually that there still live persons who had never heard of the great humorist. The President found this almost incredible.

“Oh, yes,” the Colonel continued. “Only yesterday, here in Washington, I met such a one. He was an office-seeker. He declared positively he had never heard Tom Sawyer. No, he had never heard of him either.” 

“Nor Huck Finn?” 

“No, never.” 

“Nor Pudd’nhead Wilson?” 

“Oh, Lord yes,” he ejaculated, “I voted for him."

And the President's roar of delight did not diminish in the least when the Colonel continued softly. “And,” he added, wistfully, “that's all the good it done me.” — Chico Record, 1914


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Wednesday, February 12, 2025

Diplomatic Etiquette And Rank

Until two years ago, when Great Britain raised her representative to the rank of ambassador, and France, Italy and Germany quickly followed, the dean of the corps was always the minister who had seen the longest term of service here. and the dean now is the English ambassador, Sir Julian Pauncefote. Public domain image of Sir Julian Pauncefote


The Question of Rank as Settled in the Early Days of the Republic

Thirty nations are represented at Washington by four ambassadors and twenty-six ministers, each of whom has anywhere from one to sixteen secretaries and attaches to carry on the necessary business. So far as work is concerned, the duties of the foreign representative are not onerous, and are largely social, says the New York Tribune. He sends dispatches to his own government and occasionally addresses communications to the secretary of state. 

Whether these commuications be on matters of international interest or are simply a request to be allowed to land a few cases of wine, household effects, or a trunk full of finery for his wife, they are known as "notes." He is not permitted to transact any business with any officer of the government except through the secretary of state or other high officers of that department, and it would be a great breach of etiquette for him to address the president personally upon any official matter. The code of diplomatic etiquette is strictly followed.

The foreign representative makes the first call upon the members of the cabinet, but is called upon by the senators. The only members of congress officially recognized are the members of the house committee on foreign affairs, in whose good graces he naturally likes to keep. A private citizen calling without an introduction at any of the legations promptly receives a card in return, and the latest addition to the corps makes the first call upon the resident members. None of the wives of the diplomats holds public receptions, except Mme. Romero, who began the custom some dozen years ago, when Washington was not so large as it is to-day, and has never discontinued it, but even her house is open but four times a season to the general public.

The foreign representative makes the first call upon the members of the cabinet, but is called upon by the senators. The only members of congress officially recognized are the members of the house committee on foreign affairs, in whose good graces he naturally likes to keep. A private citizen calling without an introduction at any of the legations promptly receives a card in return, and the latest addition to the corps makes the first call upon the resident members. None of the wives of the diplomats holds public receptions, except Mme. Romero, who began the custom some dozen years ago, when Washington was not so large as it is to-day, and has never discontinued it, but even her house is open but four times a season to the general public.

Until two years ago, when Great Britain raised her representative to the rank of ambassador, and France, Italy and Germany quickly followed, the dean of the corps was always the minister who had seen the longest term of service here. and the dean now is the English ambassador, Sir Julian Pauncefote. As dean he takes the lead at all official functions; foreign ministers call upon him first, and in matters in which the whole corps is interested he is consulted first. When the ambassador first appeared in Washington society there was a good deal of surmising about the matter of precedence at dinners, and for some time it was a much-discussed question, but it has settled itself without much difficulty, and nothing is ever heard about it now. 

In the early days of the republic the question of etiquette became of sufficient importance for the secretary of state, Mr. Adams, to address a letter upon the subject to the president, but it was never settled. Years of precedent have, however, given a certain fixity to the etiquette. here, which is much more rigid than is generally supposed by those who have not lived in Washington long enough to know. Auburn Journal, March 1895


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Tuesday, February 11, 2025

Etiquette for Numbered Teaspoons

Teapot spouts sometimes got choked up. so the long handle of the spoon with a pierced bowl (the rare ‘mote spoon’) that succeeded the silver strainer was thrust down the spout to disperse the leaves. ~

🫖 🫖 🫖 🫖 🫖 🫖 🫖 

What have we here? A Georgian Era tea bowl and tea cup. – The tea bowl and tea cup are based on early Chinese tea cups and bowls with no handles, however it is a bit larger. This Georgian Era cup is shown with 2 period mote spoons and Georgian tea tongs, to better show the size.

 – Image from “What Have We Here?: The Etiquette and Essentials of Lives Once Lived, from the Georgian Era through the Gilded Age and Beyond...”


In the early days of tea drinking, when the brew was rare and costly, numbered spoons were used. It was not etiquette for a guest to ask for a second cup until all the company had finished the first. The numbered spoons therefore insured each getting his own cup back again. As a sign to the hostess that no more tea was wanted, the spoon was placed in the cup.
Even when etiquette was a fetish, teapot spouts sometimes got choked up. so the long handle of the spoon with a pierced bowl that succeeded the silver strainer was thrust down the spout to disperse the leaves. “Etiquette,” remarks Arthur Hayden in “Chats on Old Silver,” “forbade the hostess to blow down the spout.” — San Luis Obispo Daily Telegram, October 1915


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Monday, February 10, 2025

Entering the Gilded Age Ball

When a young girl attends a ball with her mother or some matron who has kindly consented to chaperon her, she always allows her elderly companion to enter the room first, and then walks beside her to greet the hostess, who usually stands at the head of the room or in a position not far from the door. – From “Punch” or the “London Charivari” Vol. 158, February 25th, 1920

Making the Correct Entrance

THE gentlemen wait for the ladies whom they have escorted to the dance, in the hall, and they enter the ball room together- not arm in arm, but the lady enters the room first, closely followed by her escort. At very fashionable balls, where the hostesses are great sticklers for conventionality, the name of each guest is announced by a footman just as he enters the door. But this formality is often omitted, and is not in good taste unless the affair is extremely elegant and ceremonious. With moderate means it is always in much better taste to do things simply than to strain after effect, or, as the expressive slang of the day has it, to “splurge.”

When a young girl attends a ball with her mother or some matron who has kindly consented to chaperon her, she always allows her elderly companion to enter the room first, and then walks beside her to greet the hostess, who usually stands at the head of the room or in a position not far from the door. The hostess should offer her hand to each guest, either man or woman, and express her pleasure at seeing them. 

If the dance is given for a daughter already in society or to introduce a debutante, the young lady stands by her mother and assists in receiving the guests. She does not begin to dance, until after the first half hour, coming back occasionally between the dances to the side of her parent to talk to some of the older guests or to greet the late arrivals. – Copyright, 1905, by A. S. Barnes & Co.


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Sunday, February 9, 2025

Gilded Age Etiquette of Hosting a Ball

It is perfectly correct for a host or son of a hostess to ask such selfish guests to do him the favor of dancing with Miss Jones or Miss Gray. No man who is a gentleman ever refuses such a request, if he has no previous engagement for the dance.


Duties of the Hostess

The pleasure of the guests and the success of the entertainment depend in a great measure on the tact and unselfishness of the hostess. A good hostess always makes it her duty to see that her women guests are provided with partners for the majority of the dances, and that all the chaperons have been taken out to supper. She introduces strangers to each other and makes her husband and son, if she have one, keep a sharp lookout that wallflowers are conspicuous by their absence at her party. 

It is not at all necessary for the host to receive with his wife, but he should pay considerable attention to all the ladies. If he is a young man he tries to get a dance, or at least a pleasant word or two, with every one present. If his dancing days are over, he devotes himself to the chaperons and keeps an eye on the young men present, not allowing them to congregate in knots about the doorway or selfishly gather in the cloakroom while any young ladies are sitting partnerless. 

It is perfectly correct for him to ask such selfish guests to do him the favor of dancing with Miss Jones or Miss Gray. No man who is a gentleman ever refuses such a request, if he has no previous engagement for the dance. – By Eleanor B. Clapp, for the San Francisco Call, 1905


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia