The Protector of Hospitality

The Greek god Zeus: 

 
Abusing a defenseless stranger is disgraceful. Strangers are especially protected by the gods in many cultures; In ancient Greece, Zeus himself is called Xenios, Protector of Hospitality 

Hospitality in Homer’s Time

Hospitality in Homer’s time was well shown through long travels such as Odysseus' in The Odyssey as well as the guest-friend relationship, known as xenia. There are many possible reasons why hospitality was more prevalent in those times. Traveling in Homer’s time was much more extensive and lengthier than in modern times. The less advanced methods of transportation used in Homeric times, such as by boat or by foot, were much slower than modern forms of transportation. Because of this, many more nights were spent away from home in many different locations. Also, there were not hotels or inns where travelers could pay and stay the night. Even if there were, travelers probably could not afford to pay for every night they were gone. Because of this, travelers had to rely on the hospitality of others for shelter, food, and protection. There was, however, some payment for this hospitality in the form of a gift exchange. 

Another possible reason for this hospitality was the fact that there were not nations that would allow travelers to enter their territory safely. Without such hospitality, strangers could be captured or even killed for entering a foreign land. The Greek guest-friendship xenia may have been formed from this. Xenia is the Greek relationship between two people from different regions. This allowed for the members of the relationship to safely travel into the other member’s territory and receive a place to stay and something to eat. Another possible explanation for the amount of hospitality shown is that the Greeks believed the gods wanted them to show hospitality to anyone who showed up at their homes. It was also believed that turning away someone and not providing them this hospitality would result in some form of punishment from the gods. Finally, hospitality could have been used to spread ones name and bring them a sense of fame if they would provide a high standard of hospitality to strangers. 

It also could have been a way to show how wealthy one was. These can be shown from this quote from The Odyssey: “Come, friend, and give me something; for you seem to be no lowly man among the Greeks, but their most noble lord - indeed a chief. So you should offer more than others can - I’d make you famous then in endless lands. I, too, was once a man of means; my house was rich; I often gave to vagabonds, whoever they might be, who came in need”. 

Is hospitality as customary now as it was in Homer’s time, and if not, why? It seems as though modern people do show hospitality towards others, but in a different way than those in Homeric times. It is not custom anymore to provide food, protection, and shelter to a stranger that arrives at someone’s door. This could be because there are hotels and restaurants almost anywhere one can go. There is no need to for someone to ask for these. 

Also, protection is not a large concern for most travelers, especially in the United States. Hospitality is still shown, however, in modern society. For example, when someone’s car breaks down most people would welcome them into their homes and help them in any way they can without even asking who they are. Also, most people know of someone, be it family or friend, in a different city that would welcome them and provide them with a place to stay and food, which is similar to the xenia in Homer’s time. Although the hospitality customs of Homer’s time are not still around, there are similarities to them and hospitality is still visible. — From About Ancient History, For more read: Etiquette and Roots of Hospitality 

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Gilded Age Entertainment Etiquette

The beverage served is chocolate, and that chocolate enters into all the refreshments served, such as chocolate wafers, etc. A chocolate lemonade will be a nice addition in hot weather, chocolate bon-bons being passed in dainty silver bon-bon baskets.

The Chocolataire

This is rather a new entertainment. Its novelty lies in the fact that the beverage served is chocolate, and that chocolate enters into all the refreshments served, such as chocolate wafers, etc. A chocolate lemonade will be a nice addition in hot weather, chocolate bonbons being passed in dainty silver bon-bon baskets.

It is simply announced through the usual channels as a "Chocolataire," and numerous other refreshments all containing chocolate in some form can be dispensed, chocolate ice cream, chocolate cake, etc...

 The cards are the same as for "Teas" and "Coffees," simply substituting the word "Chocolataire" or "Chocolate" in the left hand corner. If this is used, as it sometimes is, for a church or charitable entertainment, cards are not issued, but it is simply announced through the usual channels as a "Chocolataire," and numerous other refreshments all containing chocolate in some form can be dispensed, chocolate ice cream, chocolate cake, etc... — From Maude C. Cooke’s, “Social Life; or, The Manners and Customs of Polite Society,” 1896

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Gilded Age Wedding Breakfasts

A menu that would be easy to prepare for a wedding breakfast would be two hot dishes consisting of chicken croquettes, lobster cutlets, oyster patties or creamed oysters. Everything else might be cold and as follows: salad, either chicken or lobster, pickled oysters, a small wedding cake, little cakes for the bridesmaids, Charlotte Russe and coffee. The table decorations should either be all white, or the-277- colors used in the bridesmaids' costumes. Let the waitresses be dressed in white. — Above, a formally set table for a wedding breakfast in 1900, by Wallace Silversmiths

It is well-bred to serve the breakfast with as little formality as possible, and with as few attendants; one servant, a maid, or man servant is sufficient unless the party is unusually large.

If grape-fruit be used for a first course, or orange skins filled with juice, a wreath of smilax on each plate makes a pretty decoration.

A breakfast should invariably begin with fruit, followed by a course of eggs. This latter is one of the essentials, and offers a greater variety than is perhaps known outside of France. A Spanish omelette, if properly made, is a thing to be treasured among the “pleasures of memory.” Stuffed eggs, or hard boiled eggs cut in slices, with a bechamel or white sauce, are appropriate and generally liked. A fish course, an entrée, one meat, a salad and a sweet course should follow next in order, concluding with coffee. The entrée and the meat may form one course, if a slice of duck with olives, fried chicken or some such dish be selected.

Ices of all kinds are entirely out of place at a breakfast. An omelette soufflée, peaches with cream, or best of all a fruit salad, are within the proprieties. This last never fails to call forth enthusiastic-276- appreciation. It is simply made, and keeps perfectly for two or three days. Half a dozen oranges should be peeled, leaving no particle of the white adhering, and then cut in small pieces. Half a ripe pineapple, broken with a fork into bits and sugared to taste, and four bananas sliced, are mixed with the oranges, and the whole put on ice for three or four hours. This will be found a dish rivalling the ambrosia of high Olympus.

With the first course of fruit, finger-bowls are in readiness, but are removed at its close. Hot breads and breakfast cakes are always suitable, and oatmeal, carefully cooked and served with thick cream and powdered sugar, often follows the fruit. The closing course should be hot cakes served with honey or maple syrup.

If there are ladies present, or the hostess presides, the coffee, chocolate, etc., are poured by her, and after the first course she asks the guests when they will have it served.

The following will be found an acceptable bill of fare for an ordinary breakfast party. It can of course be varied to suit the convenience and taste of housekeepers.

Bill of Fare for Breakfast.

Melons. Grapes. Oranges. Fried Perch with Sauce Tartare.
Young Chickens with Cream Gravy. Saratoga Potatoes.
Poached Eggs on Toast. Broiled Quails. Baked Mushrooms.
Tomatoes or Celery. Bread and Butter.
Crackers. Hot Cakes. Coffee. Tea. Chocolate.

If a butler serves at a breakfast he does not wear full dress as at a dinner.

Wedding Breakfast Menu.

A menu that would be easy to prepare for a wedding breakfast would be two hot dishes consisting of chicken croquettes, lobster cutlets, oyster patties or creamed oysters. Everything else might be cold and as follows: salad, either chicken or lobster, pickled oysters, a small wedding cake, little cakes for the bridemaids, Charlotte russe and coffee. The table decorations should either be all white, or the-277- colors used in the bridesmaids' costumes. Let the waitresses be dressed in white. — From Maude C. Cooke’s “Social Life or The Manners and Customs of Polite Society,” 1896

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Gilded Age Propriety: Walking Alone

Young girls who were privileged enough to be raised with a governess, had a companion and chaperone all in one, to walk about town if they needed fresh air. — “Parents and guardians have to discriminate between those who can and those who cannot be trusted to take care of themselves.”

 

Under “Odds and Ends of Etiquette”

Young girls of high social position are never seen walking alone in town. Young girls of the higher middle classes have been of late so emancipated (chiefly by the bicycle) that they usually are free to go about alone. 

Of course, very much depends upon the girl herself. Some are as self-possessed at twenty as if they were forty at least, and quite as capable of quietly putting impertinent persons in "their place." 

Other girls retain an expression of childish simplicity, which is not a safeguard against insolence; and again, others are very nervous, and easily frightened. Parents and guardians have to discriminate between those who can and those who cannot be trusted to take care of themselves.— From Eliza Lavin’s, “Etiquette for Every Day,” 1900

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Gilded Age Breakfasts’ Etiquette

 

Blue and white is a good combination, and is, perhaps, more suitable for the morning meal than anything else. As a certain philosopher says: “The blue and white look so pretty with the eggs!” — From, “The Myrtle Reed Cook Book,” 1905

BREAKFAST or a luncheon is somewhat less formal than a dinner and, hence, so much the more delightful. The breakfast party includes both gentlemen and ladies while, as a rule, the luncheon is an entertainment given to ladies. The invitations to a breakfast may be written, engraved or verbal. If a large number of guests are invited to meet some distinguished stranger, engraved invitations are issued.

Five days or a week's notice is usually considered sufficient, but if distinguished wits and scholars are to be secured, it is well to give a longer period, since their time, always in demand, should be bespoken well in advance. A reply to the invitation is a necessity, because the hostess wishes time, in case of non-acceptance, to secure another guest.

Where the breakfast is less stately in character, an informal note, written by the hostess, in the first person, is a pleasant method, or simply written on the lady's visiting cards under the name in this form: Breakfast, Tuesday, ten o'clock, February fifteenth.

Artificial light is out of place, and sunshine should flood the apartment, while a certain airiness and daintiness should pervade the table appointments, quite the opposite of the elaborate display that characterizes the dinner party. Flowers should form the decorations of the table. Breakfast parties are a very convenient mode of social entertainment for those whose limited means will not admit of a more extensive display of hospitality.

Ten o'clock is the usual hour, though it may be as late as twelve, thus differing from the luncheon, which is never earlier than one. Breakfast parties are a favorite reunion with literary people, who generally take the morning hours for leisure, leaving brain work until later in the day. Sidney Smith said he liked breakfasts, “because no man was conceited before one o'clock in the day.” 

In serving breakfast the bill of fare, unless for special occasions, should never be elaborate, but rather dainty and attractive, as the appetite usually needs tempting at this early hour; fewer courses of a more delicate variety should be served than at other meals. The hostess dispenses the coffee, tea and chocolate from the head of the table; the substantials are set in front of the host, who may help the plates and hand them to the waiter to serve; the vegetables and other dishes may be handed from the side table.— From Maude C. Cooke’s “Social Life or The Manners and Customs of Polite Society,” 1896

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Gilded Age Cyclers’ Do’s and Don’ts

A proper wheel-woman’s “Cycling Costume” from 1901

A Few Don’ts for Cyclers

• Don't try to raise your hat to the passing “bloomer” until you become an expert in guiding your wheel.
• Don't buy a bicycle with down-curve handles. It is impossible to sit erect and hold that kind of a handle.
• Don't go out on a bicycle wearing a tail coat unless you enjoy making a ridiculous show of yourself.
• Don't travel without a jacket or loose wrap, to be worn while resting. A summer cold is a stubborn thing.
• Don't allow a taste for a bit of color in your make-up to tempt you to wearing a red or other gay-colored cap.
• Don't get off the old gag about “that tired feeling” every time you stop by the roadside for a little breathing spell.
• Don't absent yourself from church to go wheeling, as you and your bicycle are welcome at most houses of worship.
• Don't leave your bicycle in the lower hallway of your flat-house for the other tenants to fall over in the dark.
• Don't believe the farmer boy who says that it is “two miles to the next town.” It may be two, four, six or twelve.
• Don't be more than an hour passing a given point, although wheeling on a dusty road is honestly conducive to thirst.
• Don't smile at the figure others cut astride their wheels, as it is not given you to see yourself as others see you.
• Don't coast down a strange hill with a curve at its bottom. There is no telling what you will meet when it is too late.
• Don't ride ten miles at a scorching pace, then drink cold water and lie around on the grass, unless you are tired of life.
• Don't try to carry your bike downstairs under your arm. Put it on your shoulder, or you will come to distress.
• Don't laugh the watchful copper to scorn because your lamp is burning brightly. He can afford to wait his time to laugh.
• Don't dress immodestly or in the costume of a track sprinter. Sweaters worn like a Chinaman's blouse are almost indecent.
• Don't forget that the modern law of the road requires you to turn out to the right in passing another bicycle or other vehicle. — From Maude C. Cooke, 1896

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Mid 20th C. Fraternity Dining Etiquette

North Carolina State's First African American Fraternity, 1971

A good rule, cut your food with a fork if it is soft and can readily be done this way. Also use fork for vegetables and salads and for pastry dessert. Use the regular dinner fork if no salad or dessert fork has been provided. When you are not using the fork, and after you've finished eating, place it on the plate prongs up.

The knife is used to cut with and you shouldn't use it to dissect baked potatoes and other such foods. When you're not using the knife, you should place it on the side of the plate, edged turned in. It is incorrect to lean the knife or other utensils against the plate edge.

When special steak and butter knives are provided, they should be readily recognized. At the end of the meal the knife and fork should be placed on the plate at an angle of about forty-five degrees to the edge of the table, handle to the right. This is utilitarian for thus the silver has no chance of slipping off the plate when it is taken from the table.

A spoonful of soup is carried just to the lips and not into the mouth. Solids or semi-solids are taken into the mouth, though no farther than necessary, and large or heaping spoonfuls should be avoided. Do not use a spoon for vegetables.

There are some edibles which are to be taken in the fingers such as corn on the cob, olives, pickles, celery, green onions, and artichokes. Chicken is occasionally handled with the fingers, but don't do it unless it's the custom of the house. Crackers or bread shouldn't be broken into soup or stew any more than gravy should be poured over a slice of bread in a plate. And don't dunk.

Of the three methods of serving food, the family style, that of placing the food on the table and allowing the guests to help themselves, is the most informal. When family style is the custom, food should be passed to the right, enabling one to serve a guest before oneself.

A more formal style of serving, employed in chapter houses is for special guest dinners and for the evening meal, is to serve on plates from the kitchen or serving pantry. Bread, butter, and such items may be placed on the table, or these also may be brought in from the kitchen. The host and guests are served first from the left; the plates are also removed from the left. One shouldn't begin to eat until the others have been served and the head of the table or the host himself begins. However, if a nervous or over-hungry guest should start beforehand, it might relieve embarrassment for the members to begin too.

The third style of serving is from the head of the table. From serving dishes placed there, the person at the head portions out the food on the plates, passing them down both sides, without deference to guests. Those at the table pass along their plates for portions, or the plates may all be placed at the head.

There is a good reason for nearly every rule governing table etiquette. People who are naturally courteous and thoughtful have little difficulty in cultivating a good table manners. The basis of all formal etiquette is consideration for the rights and sensibilities of others. Manners differ from state to state; the local custom should be observed.— From the Sigma Phi Epsilon Fraternity Pledge Manual: The Fraternity Gentleman, 1960

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An Elevator Etiquette Debate

“Is a woman less a woman in these days of business efficiency than in the old times, when her chief duty was to sit on a cushion and ‘sew a seam’ or be a mere toy for some man?” he asked. In other words, is the feminine invasion of the business world causing men to lose the proper amount of respect for women? — What the well-dressed men of the 1920’s were wearing. – Image source, Pinterest

How Men “Should Act?”

Should men remove their when women enter an elevator?

The editorial writer started it…

Several days ago he wrote and published a few hundred pointed words under the heading - “Hats Off, Gentlemen.”

Forty-eight hours had scarcely passed before a number of letters were received from men and women who had read what he had written.

In one of these letters a woman stated very plainly what she thought of men who failed to remove their hats when she entered an elevator,

ASKS MANDATORY LAW

She finished with a knock-out punch in these somewhat determined words: “And if something isn't done about it soon I intend asking the city council to pass an ordinance compelling men to show the proper amount of respect to women under all conditions.”

For her sake “something” is going to be done.

It has been decided that an unofficial referendum shall be conducted by one who shall be known as the “Elevator Etiquette Editor,” so that this small but important question of the doffing of a hat is now open for discussion in a free-for-all fashion.

When the editorial writer spoke in a proving manner in his “Hats Off” article he called attention to another question conjunctively interesting.

WOMEN AND WORK

“Is a woman less a woman in these days of business efficiency than in the old times, when her chief duty was to sit on a cushion and ‘sew a seam’ or be a mere toy for some man?” he asked.

In other words, is the feminine invasion of the business world causing men to lose the proper amount of respect for women?

Thousands upon thousands of men and women travel in the elevators of the city daily. As the “Elevator Etiquette Editor” was told, each should have something to say on the question of the removal of hats. Some indifferent persons may say that it is a small thing after all, but as the polished Earl of Chesterfield remarked, “It is the small things that count.”

ELEVATORS SOMETHING ELSE 

It might be added, however, in a sense of fairness, that skyscrapers and elevators were unknown in the days when Chesterfield swaggered in the English court, spending his idle moments in addressing letters of advice to his son.

Then, too, there arises this question: Providing men should remove their hats when women enter an elevator should the women acknowledge in any way the mark of respect that is paid them?

There are any number of interesting angles to the proposition if one devotes a little thought to it.

The editorial writer started it and the “Elevator Etiquette Editor” is ready to finish it, so sharpen up the old pencil, oil up the trusty type-writer and get busy.

Address your letters to “The Elevator Etiquette Editor” of The Evening Herald, 1920

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