To Make-Up at Table? Or Not?

A subtle touch up of powder to take away face shine and freshening of lipstick does not mean adding lip liner, lip gloss and eye make-up…

Is it proper to touch up your shiny nose and your lipstick at the table when you're dining out? Most etiquette experts say a discreet dab of powder and lipstick is fine and might even be a trace alluring, but a major repair job belongs in the ladies' room. 

A subtle touch up of powder to take away face shine and freshening of lipstick does not mean adding lip liner, lip gloss and eye make-up, though. Remember, make-up should remain a mystery to the observer. —By Aileen Arthur, The Desert Sun, 1983

💄Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia💋

1940’s U.S. Beauty Culture

“Personally, I view with admiration and interest, rather than disapproval, the urge of modern girls of early teen age, to be both beautiful and attractive, regardless of nature's endowments. Theirs is the age when Mother Nature has a way of making girls looks-conscious, but not until to- day have they had opportunity to do anything about it. How they take advantage of that opportunity depends on the understanding, interest and cooperation of their mothers…” — A teenaged girl, babysitting a younger sibling in 1943, wears flowers in her hair to add to nature’s endowments. I wonder if her mother approved? 🤔🌼

It's taken just about a quarter of a century for woman to prove that nature can be improved upon. Thanks to the evolution of beauty culture, facial make-up, attractive hair styling and figure control have come into their own. Take a look back to the “Gay Nineties,” which were really not gay in the modern manner. Those were the days of sallow females, stringy or crimped tresses and figures that needed attention.

Personally, I view with admiration and interest, rather than disapproval, the urge of modern girls of early teen age, to be both beautiful and attractive, regardless of nature's endowments. Theirs is the age when Mother Nature has a way of making girls looks-conscious, but not until to-day have they had opportunity to do anything about it. How they take advantage of that opportunity depends on the understanding, interest and cooperation of their mothers.

The young, modern mother, who is going out this week with her junior high school daughter of 14, to purchase the right kind of soap, puff and lotion that are both pleasing and perfect, and becoming face powder, rouge and lipstick of good make is a good example how both nature and mothers can be improved on. — From “The Log of Life” column in the San Pedro News Pilot, 1943

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Airport Etiquette

Our resident travel etiquette guru, Elizabeth Soós of Auersmont School of Etiquette, is traveling again. So I asked if so would share some of her favorite etiquette tips for when at the airport. Her advice is below…

You have chosen and bought tickets to your dream destination, and you cannot wait to start your holidays, relax, and completely disconnect from everything... but can you? With proper preparation and by remaining punctual, you’ll be able to breathe easily and enjoy your trip from the get-go. 

Before you even leave home you, of course, checked your bag to see if you have your passport. When you finally get to the airport in peak-time traffic, you are herded through security, having to pack and unpack, pulling out your boarding pass repeatedly, not the experience you want to start with! Going on holidays or traveling for business has its own set of guidelines, even at the airport. Here is what you need to know.

What Is Airport Etiquette?

Part of it is proper preparation. If you want a smooth, hassle free experience, make sure you have these items in a folder ready to-go: A valid and up-to-date or in-date passport, visa, insurance, travel itinerary and driver’s license or other similar ID. You never know what the check-in officer will ask. Recently, I quickly realized that I may need an e-visa, thanks to the recent shift in geo-politics. Realizing this, I was breaking out in cold-sweat. Fortunately, the check-in officer never asked for a visa. I was traveling to France and required to purchase a e-visa if I was staying over 90 days, I was staying a little over 30 days. That was a narrow escape!

Before leaving home make sure you weigh your baggage one or twice. Airlines take pleasure in making money from your overweight suitcase to beat the money drain, pre-buy extra weight or leave a 1kg-500g margin of error when it comes to your luggage weight. This has been drummed into me at my expense. When travelling from developing nations, checking the weight of your baggage becomes main point of contention and some countries don’t allow you to pay via credit card! Also make sure that any liquids are placed in your luggage and not your carry-on, you do not want to throw out that expensive hand lotion you just purchased.

Airport Dress-Clothing Etiquette

Take a good look of yourself in the mirror…I am here to tell you that a neat and well-arranged outfit is defiantly “the go-to” flight and airport outfit. Leave the tracksuit and the Pilates pants in the suitcase. Being well dressed shows that you are a seasoned traveller and if anything goes wrong, you look credible and serious. It could be that you wear comfortable, ironed pants, a sleeved top with a jacket or jumper with an immaculate bag and clean shoes. It could be jeans with a shirt and clean, white sneakers. Keep it simple but chic.

You have now got your boarding tickets safely between the pages of your passport and you have directly put it in your bag. That prevents loss and scamming. Now it is time to relax….Well, we are not there yet!

Airport Security Etiquette

Passing through passport control your next crucial step. It’s always important to act respectfully and refrain from alarming the staff. Stay mindful of those around you who most likely will be concerned about your frame of mind and security. I remember going on my first trip back to Pakistan after marriage. I must have looked so tired and was asked a question by a member of immigration personnel, which didn’t really register with me. This led him to ask me if I was comfortable going back to Pakistan. Realizing the stir I was causing, I promptly smiled and said that I had been to Pakistan many times and found it a great place to travel. Crisis adverted!

Take time to walk around looking at duty-free products and casually siting where your gate is located. It will help with the hours of sitting that you must do once you board. Go and eat and drink something small. If you like plane food, then avoid eating too much. I remember sitting around a table in Mayotte discussing Air Austral’s new “gourmet” invention, dubbed by travelers, “the pizz-wich”. It is a pizza sandwich, much to the horror of French food sensibilities. I found a lot of hilarity in watching the reactions of French flyers, who were both disgusted and amused when talking about this 2-in-1 food item.

Airport Lounge Etiquette

If you have enough points or purchased an airport lounge access, then enter and remember to use your time waiting mindfully. Airport lounges are great place to relax and are meant to make you feel like you are possibly in a hotel and not a stuffy, boring airport. Don’t over-drink or go crazy at the bar (noticeable intoxication can mean you’ll probably be visited by the sky marshal or airport police). 

Lounges provide all types of amenities from food and beverage services to shower service and nap stations. Lounges are wonderful if you want to freshen up early, so that when you step off the plane you are ready to walk straight into that business meeting you’re headed to. Regularly check the time to get to your gate before boarding. Take out any items that you need close to you when sitting down in your allocated seat, then lock your case or your cabin bag, for security, as the boarding hustle will start just in a few moments…

You hear the announcement that you will soon board. Be aware that on larger planes, you will be asked to board section by section. This is where you will truly use your etiquette and politeness. Allow those who are accompanying the elderly, or those with young children, or who are wheelchair bound to board and be seated first. Airlines want you to listen because it actually makes sense. Allow the ones who are seated at the back of the plane then enter first. If boarding goes smoothly, it becomes a quicker board time, and the plane gets to leave earlier. This is a plus, especially if you have a connecting flight.

Be not only the savvy traveler, but the elegant traveler, too. Make it comfortable for everyone including yourself!

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

One Chinese President’s History

His post as President of the Republic was one of honor, not of power. Etiquette and ceremony in Chinese public and private life have been matters of moment for centuries that transcend memory. Lin Sen received ambassadors. He swapped greetings with foreign governments and not infrequently with President Roosevelt.— Public domain image of Lin Sen, President of China since 1931 courtesy of Wikipedia 

A Chinese Sage

Lin Sen, President of China since 1931, made no great noise in the world throughout his lifetime. His post as President of the Republic was one of honor, not of power. Etiquette and ceremony in Chinese public and private life have been matters of moment for centuries that transcend memory. Lin Sen received ambassadors. He swapped greetings with foreign governments and not infrequently with President Roosevelt. He was rigidly honest. He had few relatives and was guilty of no nepotism. He was an early member of the Kuomintang, an active opponent of the once famous Yuan Shihkai. He held a number of offices in his long career and had come to be one of the political elders, but his personal traits are more engaging than his official work.

At first a pupil of American missionaries, he got an excellent worldly education by living in San Francisco. He spoke English well, tempered with American slang and combining American with Chinese humor. He had the tastes of an artist. One of his favorite studies was the handwriting of the ancient Chinese sages. He turned the ground story of a medieval tower into a studio. There he spent many quiet hours, brushing onto sheets of bamboo paper the antique characters.

In Nanking before the war his goatee, black cape and gray felt hat were familiar to everybody, respected by everybody. By the dealers in curios he was revered; not so much as a client as because of his acknowledged taste. Whatever article he praised was at once promoted in rank and price. For all the troubles that he saw or took part in, his must have been a fortunate and tranquil life. He was thoroughly democratic. He never would consent to a bodyguard. In his last years at Chungking he rode about in the same reliable black sedan that was a well-known "property" in the scenery of Nanking. "There goes the old man," said the people of Nanking. And his greetings to his people was noticeable for its slight West Coast twang.— Coronado Eagle and Journal, 1943

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Antique Silver as Wedding Gift

When afternoon tea became a regular social event, not only was tea served, but so was coffee, and in the winter, hot chocolate. In the summer, hosts and hostesses were expected to offer lemonade, as well as the tea and coffee, until iced tea made its appearance in the U.S. via the 1904 World’s Fair. This is a depiction of a French silver tea service. It is complete with a coffee pot, a tea pot and a hot chocolate pot in the center.  It is rare to find such complete sets nowadays in antique stores. Most of the pots have been separated from one another. It is still the custom in the United States to offer coffee, as well as tea, at afternoon tea events.

Q.-The daughter of a very dear friend of mine is to be married. I am alone and have quantities of lovely silver, much of which has interesting history back of it. I would like to give her a beautiful solid silver tea service, a wedding present sent me from abroad. Or do you think I should buy a modern piece for her? —Mrs. Myrna B.

A.-Your friend's daughter would indeed be fortunate to receive such a lovely gift. And if she has good taste and values the friendship between you and her mother, she will be thrilled beyond measure and treasure your present. The modern cannot be mentioned in the same breath with the beautiful old things, such as silver and linens.— From “The Log of Life” column in the San Pedro News Pilot, 1943

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Lipstick Etiquette and Marketing

After the death of EmilyPost in 1960, her granddaughter in-law Elizabeth Post took over writing her books and her syndicated columns. They were nearly all, however, under the banner of “Emily Post Etiquette.” The Elizabeth Post cosmetic and beauty line was available however, as early as the 1930s to the 1950’s,  if not even later at that. Brava to Elizabeth for carving out her own business niche, especially in the long shadow of her husband’s grandmother!

💋 TRUTH ABOUT KISSING! 💋

Almost since man first beheld woman and found her desirable, the kiss has been immortalized in poetry, sculpture and painting. What a shame that today something has been added to kissing that is so disturbing to so many men.

MEN, bless them, too often feel it's ungentlemanly to talk about lipstick smears. But think about it, they do! And they just don't want any part of it.

Perhaps, you, as a busy woman, haven't realized the full consequences of lipstick smears. And if you did, most likely you didn't know what to do about it. For until recently there was nothing you could do except not wear lipstick, which of course is unthinkable.

A woman a housewife, probably very much like yourself has now done something about lipstick smearing — not only when kissing, but when eating, drinking and smoking as well,

She has invented a clear liquid that is brushed lightly over lipstick and is guaranteed to prevent lipstick smearing. It is not a lac- quer. It is not a basecoat. And it. does not change the color of your lipstick. It's an amazing new product called LIP-STAE- and it's wonderful. 

What Lip-Stae Will Do For You

1. It will keep lipstick on you; of him, cigarettes, glasses, linens.
2. It leaves no odor on the lips; makes them softer, more lovely than lipstick alone.
3. It doesn't crust or cake; Lip- Stae actually becomes part of the lipstick itself.
4. It is completely safe; approved by Good Housekeeping.

Look what Emily Post says about Lip-Stae:

Mrs. Post, the indisputable authority on all matters of etiquette, minces no words. She says emphatically, “It’s bad manners to smear your hostess’ linen and glassware, and it is inexcusable when there is Lip-Stae.”

Kiss! Smoke! Eat! Drink! Lip- Stae is guaranteed to keep your lipstick on you all day, OFF everything else.

Only 60 and $1 (plus tax) — Newspaper Advertisement, 1949

 

One can only imagine what chemicals may have been in this product. I’m not sure there was much oversight when it came to women’s beauty products at the time. Then again, in the US and in Great Britain, lipstick was considered so important to women during World War II, the United States government kept a large stock of red lipstick in the munitions factories and other places where women were employed in the war effort. Winston Churchill deemed we that British women needed their lipstick to feel more feminine, so it was not rationed during the war, nor afterward.

💄Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Cruise Ship Conversation Manners

“Those who wish to keep shipboard acquaintanceship at that level may then do so, while others may go on to develop passionate attachments in which the exchange of personal information may be staggering, and some of it may even be true.” — Passengers quietly perusing the midnight buffet on a Viking Cruise Line ship, circa mid-1990’s.

Dear Miss Manners: I find an unfortunate number of cruise passengers who seem to think that while on board, they can forget the etiquette of polite conversation. One should not ask personal questions, such as about occupations, exact addresses and age. Accepted and desirable conversations, in addition to the weather, would include ports to be visited and the selection of shore tours.

It is OK to observe that one has previously been on this cruise ship, but not how many times. Taboo is discussion of other cruise ships, because it always results in one-upmanship. Please advise people not to reiterate the trials and tribulations experienced in reaching this and other cruise ships.

Gentle Reader: A young lady of Miss Manners' acquaintance was asked "Where are you from?" so many times on her first cruise that she proposed saving her breath by wearing a sign reading, "I'm from Chicago; OK?"

Miss Manners sympathized, but one does, as you say, need neutral conversation openers. Those who wish to keep shipboard acquaintanceship at that level may then do so, while others may go on to develop passionate attachments in which the exchange of personal information may be staggering, and some of it may even be true.

Yet Miss Manners is not nearly so strict as you as to topics of conversation. Travel adventures seem to her exactly the desirable common point from which to launch conversation on trips.

Bragging and being boring are always rude, but she fails to understand why it would be immodest to say, "We love this ship; it's our sixth time on board" or "We're so happy to be here after having been marooned on a desert island without any books except a tipping guide, because we couldn't agree beforehand on what to take." – By Judith Martin, (aka Miss Manners), 1996

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Properly Holding a Knife and Fork

It’s not just forks which are regularly held improperly — Above - The improper way to hold a knife: The handles of both the fork and the knife should be hidden in the palm of the hands. The fork handle is in the correct spot in the palm of the hand, but the knife handle is incorrectly sticking out between the index finger and the thumb.

Q. - How should one hold the fork to cut meat so as to avoid that "banjo grip?" I've read a number of etiquette books but don't play a banjo, so don't quite get the point. - Yvette

Properly holding one’s utensils can help one appear much more elegant when dining, especially in public. When we are out with others, we want to “dine,” not merely “eat.”Above — The proper way to hold both one’s knife and one’s fork in one’s hands when dining.

A. The fork should be held near the top of the handle with the prongs downward. The index finger is placed on the shank so that it points to the tines (or prongs) and is supported at the side of the thumb. The other fingers close underneath and hold the handle tight. 

As for the "banjo grip," some folks call it "immigrant fashion." It is clutching the fork perpendicularly in the clenched fist, while sawing across the food at its base with the knife. — From “The Log of Life” column in the San PedroNews Pilot, 1943

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia