Gilded Age Breakfasts’ Etiquette

 

Blue and white is a good combination, and is, perhaps, more suitable for the morning meal than anything else. As a certain philosopher says: “The blue and white look so pretty with the eggs!” — From, “The Myrtle Reed Cook Book,” 1905

BREAKFAST or a luncheon is somewhat less formal than a dinner and, hence, so much the more delightful. The breakfast party includes both gentlemen and ladies while, as a rule, the luncheon is an entertainment given to ladies. The invitations to a breakfast may be written, engraved or verbal. If a large number of guests are invited to meet some distinguished stranger, engraved invitations are issued.

Five days or a week's notice is usually considered sufficient, but if distinguished wits and scholars are to be secured, it is well to give a longer period, since their time, always in demand, should be bespoken well in advance. A reply to the invitation is a necessity, because the hostess wishes time, in case of non-acceptance, to secure another guest.

Where the breakfast is less stately in character, an informal note, written by the hostess, in the first person, is a pleasant method, or simply written on the lady's visiting cards under the name in this form: Breakfast, Tuesday, ten o'clock, February fifteenth.

Artificial light is out of place, and sunshine should flood the apartment, while a certain airiness and daintiness should pervade the table appointments, quite the opposite of the elaborate display that characterizes the dinner party. Flowers should form the decorations of the table. Breakfast parties are a very convenient mode of social entertainment for those whose limited means will not admit of a more extensive display of hospitality.

Ten o'clock is the usual hour, though it may be as late as twelve, thus differing from the luncheon, which is never earlier than one. Breakfast parties are a favorite reunion with literary people, who generally take the morning hours for leisure, leaving brain work until later in the day. Sidney Smith said he liked breakfasts, “because no man was conceited before one o'clock in the day.” 

In serving breakfast the bill of fare, unless for special occasions, should never be elaborate, but rather dainty and attractive, as the appetite usually needs tempting at this early hour; fewer courses of a more delicate variety should be served than at other meals. The hostess dispenses the coffee, tea and chocolate from the head of the table; the substantials are set in front of the host, who may help the plates and hand them to the waiter to serve; the vegetables and other dishes may be handed from the side table.— From Maude C. Cooke’s “Social Life or The Manners and Customs of Polite Society,” 1896

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Gilded Age Cyclers’ Do’s and Don’ts

A proper wheel-woman’s “Cycling Costume” from 1901

A Few Don’ts for Cyclers

• Don't try to raise your hat to the passing “bloomer” until you become an expert in guiding your wheel.
• Don't buy a bicycle with down-curve handles. It is impossible to sit erect and hold that kind of a handle.
• Don't go out on a bicycle wearing a tail coat unless you enjoy making a ridiculous show of yourself.
• Don't travel without a jacket or loose wrap, to be worn while resting. A summer cold is a stubborn thing.
• Don't allow a taste for a bit of color in your make-up to tempt you to wearing a red or other gay-colored cap.
• Don't get off the old gag about “that tired feeling” every time you stop by the roadside for a little breathing spell.
• Don't absent yourself from church to go wheeling, as you and your bicycle are welcome at most houses of worship.
• Don't leave your bicycle in the lower hallway of your flat-house for the other tenants to fall over in the dark.
• Don't believe the farmer boy who says that it is “two miles to the next town.” It may be two, four, six or twelve.
• Don't be more than an hour passing a given point, although wheeling on a dusty road is honestly conducive to thirst.
• Don't smile at the figure others cut astride their wheels, as it is not given you to see yourself as others see you.
• Don't coast down a strange hill with a curve at its bottom. There is no telling what you will meet when it is too late.
• Don't ride ten miles at a scorching pace, then drink cold water and lie around on the grass, unless you are tired of life.
• Don't try to carry your bike downstairs under your arm. Put it on your shoulder, or you will come to distress.
• Don't laugh the watchful copper to scorn because your lamp is burning brightly. He can afford to wait his time to laugh.
• Don't dress immodestly or in the costume of a track sprinter. Sweaters worn like a Chinaman's blouse are almost indecent.
• Don't forget that the modern law of the road requires you to turn out to the right in passing another bicycle or other vehicle. — From Maude C. Cooke, 1896

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Mid 20th C. Fraternity Dining Etiquette

North Carolina State's First African American Fraternity, 1971

A good rule, cut your food with a fork if it is soft and can readily be done this way. Also use fork for vegetables and salads and for pastry dessert. Use the regular dinner fork if no salad or dessert fork has been provided. When you are not using the fork, and after you've finished eating, place it on the plate prongs up.

The knife is used to cut with and you shouldn't use it to dissect baked potatoes and other such foods. When you're not using the knife, you should place it on the side of the plate, edged turned in. It is incorrect to lean the knife or other utensils against the plate edge.

When special steak and butter knives are provided, they should be readily recognized. At the end of the meal the knife and fork should be placed on the plate at an angle of about forty-five degrees to the edge of the table, handle to the right. This is utilitarian for thus the silver has no chance of slipping off the plate when it is taken from the table.

A spoonful of soup is carried just to the lips and not into the mouth. Solids or semi-solids are taken into the mouth, though no farther than necessary, and large or heaping spoonfuls should be avoided. Do not use a spoon for vegetables.

There are some edibles which are to be taken in the fingers such as corn on the cob, olives, pickles, celery, green onions, and artichokes. Chicken is occasionally handled with the fingers, but don't do it unless it's the custom of the house. Crackers or bread shouldn't be broken into soup or stew any more than gravy should be poured over a slice of bread in a plate. And don't dunk.

Of the three methods of serving food, the family style, that of placing the food on the table and allowing the guests to help themselves, is the most informal. When family style is the custom, food should be passed to the right, enabling one to serve a guest before oneself.

A more formal style of serving, employed in chapter houses is for special guest dinners and for the evening meal, is to serve on plates from the kitchen or serving pantry. Bread, butter, and such items may be placed on the table, or these also may be brought in from the kitchen. The host and guests are served first from the left; the plates are also removed from the left. One shouldn't begin to eat until the others have been served and the head of the table or the host himself begins. However, if a nervous or over-hungry guest should start beforehand, it might relieve embarrassment for the members to begin too.

The third style of serving is from the head of the table. From serving dishes placed there, the person at the head portions out the food on the plates, passing them down both sides, without deference to guests. Those at the table pass along their plates for portions, or the plates may all be placed at the head.

There is a good reason for nearly every rule governing table etiquette. People who are naturally courteous and thoughtful have little difficulty in cultivating a good table manners. The basis of all formal etiquette is consideration for the rights and sensibilities of others. Manners differ from state to state; the local custom should be observed.— From the Sigma Phi Epsilon Fraternity Pledge Manual: The Fraternity Gentleman, 1960

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An Elevator Etiquette Debate

“Is a woman less a woman in these days of business efficiency than in the old times, when her chief duty was to sit on a cushion and ‘sew a seam’ or be a mere toy for some man?” he asked. In other words, is the feminine invasion of the business world causing men to lose the proper amount of respect for women? — What the well-dressed men of the 1920’s were wearing. – Image source, Pinterest

How Men “Should Act?”

Should men remove their when women enter an elevator?

The editorial writer started it…

Several days ago he wrote and published a few hundred pointed words under the heading - “Hats Off, Gentlemen.”

Forty-eight hours had scarcely passed before a number of letters were received from men and women who had read what he had written.

In one of these letters a woman stated very plainly what she thought of men who failed to remove their hats when she entered an elevator,

ASKS MANDATORY LAW

She finished with a knock-out punch in these somewhat determined words: “And if something isn't done about it soon I intend asking the city council to pass an ordinance compelling men to show the proper amount of respect to women under all conditions.”

For her sake “something” is going to be done.

It has been decided that an unofficial referendum shall be conducted by one who shall be known as the “Elevator Etiquette Editor,” so that this small but important question of the doffing of a hat is now open for discussion in a free-for-all fashion.

When the editorial writer spoke in a proving manner in his “Hats Off” article he called attention to another question conjunctively interesting.

WOMEN AND WORK

“Is a woman less a woman in these days of business efficiency than in the old times, when her chief duty was to sit on a cushion and ‘sew a seam’ or be a mere toy for some man?” he asked.

In other words, is the feminine invasion of the business world causing men to lose the proper amount of respect for women?

Thousands upon thousands of men and women travel in the elevators of the city daily. As the “Elevator Etiquette Editor” was told, each should have something to say on the question of the removal of hats. Some indifferent persons may say that it is a small thing after all, but as the polished Earl of Chesterfield remarked, “It is the small things that count.”

ELEVATORS SOMETHING ELSE 

It might be added, however, in a sense of fairness, that skyscrapers and elevators were unknown in the days when Chesterfield swaggered in the English court, spending his idle moments in addressing letters of advice to his son.

Then, too, there arises this question: Providing men should remove their hats when women enter an elevator should the women acknowledge in any way the mark of respect that is paid them?

There are any number of interesting angles to the proposition if one devotes a little thought to it.

The editorial writer started it and the “Elevator Etiquette Editor” is ready to finish it, so sharpen up the old pencil, oil up the trusty type-writer and get busy.

Address your letters to “The Elevator Etiquette Editor” of The Evening Herald, 1920

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Etiquette and Diets, Allergies or Tastes

 

Not so long ago, people with special dietary needs politely (and quietly) made do at dinner parties. But today, the dictum ''eat what's on your plate'' is rapidly being eclipsed by a ''have it your way'' mentality, and the changing social order poses questions of etiquette and presents new quandaries in entertaining.

“I Don't Eat …” Plays Havoc With Parties

A 2nd Debut Article from 2022

CHICAGO'S premier caterer, John Calihan, still remembers the nightmare. It was to be a dinner party a la Gatsby, a black-tie evening for 20 of the local Jays and Daisys. The hostess, a Chicago socialite, had enlisted Mr. Calihan to prepare her family bouillabaisse recipe. Spare no expense!

Mr. Calihan arranged for the proper species of seafood to be flown in from France, Maine and Nantucket. While the engraved sterling silver place cards were being polished and the flowers fussed over, the caterer (and six cooks hired for the occasion) painstakingly prepared the fish stew. It was a perfect bouillabaisse. And it was a perfect disaster. ''I'm allergic to shellfish,'' announced a guest as the waiter attempted to ladle the stew from a steaming tureen. The next guest said, ''I don't eat fish.'' Another said, ''I don't like fish.'' Two others demurred with a shake of the head. ''The hostess nearly fainted,'' Mr. Calihan recalled.

This happens at the finest tables these days. The national preoccupation with dietary restrictions - born of food allergies, health concerns or religious constraints - is changing the American dinner party. Mr. Calihan and caterers and hosts from other cities say guests have become more vocal about their food preferences, and an a la carte attitude is encroaching on the the last preserve of the communal feast.

Not so long ago, people with special dietary needs politely (and quietly) made do at dinner parties. But today, the dictum ''eat what's on your plate'' is rapidly being eclipsed by a ''have it your way'' mentality, and the changing social order poses questions of etiquette and presents new quandaries in entertaining.

Not long ago, hosts routinely called guests to discuss dress and seating arrangements. Today, ''those who wish to entertain practically have to ask for a medical history when inviting people to dinner,'' said Gail Banks, a Boston hostess.

Divergent diets complicate menu planning for the host. ''Mrs. Burlingham can't eat salt, the Jaynes are on Pritikin and the Hirschorns keep kosher,'' said Michael J. Anderson of New London, Conn., a 37-year-old lawyer who is planning a dinner party for October. ''What am I? A cafeteria line?''

Manners mavens agree that guests should inform hosts ahead of time of severe allergies or life-threatening medical conditions and that hosts should accommodate these, as well as religious restrictions, to the best of their abilities.

The ever-widening ethnic mix at dinner parties poses new cultural considerations. And by adapting to these, as well as to food allergies (which range from the potentially lethal to very mild), lactose intolerance, high cholesterol, hypertension and vegetarian and kosher restrictions, the modern host may have opened the floodgates for more idiosyncratic concerns about consumption.

Letitia Baldrige, the author of ''Letitia Baldrige's Complete Guide to the New Manners for the 90's,'' to be published by Rawson next year, recently dined in the home of friends who offered fresh-caught swordfish for dinner. As the fish was served, a fellow guest appraised the menu. ''I'm surprised,'' he murmured. ''The waters around here are polluted.'' The comment, Ms. Baldrige said, ''took the joy out of the dish and focused all the attention on one person.''

Not long ago, hosts routinely called guests to discuss dress and seating arrangements. Today, ''those who wish to entertain practically have to ask for a medical history when inviting people to dinner,'' said Gail Banks, a Boston hostess.

''No matter what the menu is, we don't go to a party without plenty of extra-virgin olive oil, vegetables, fish and plain fruit,'' she said. This holistic ammunition, she said, ''really cools out everybody with special dietary needs.''

But Mr. Savoca, the New York caterer, believes that a la carte accommodations erode the communal nature of the dinner party. ''The best host figures out how to accommodate special needs on one menu,'' he said.

Along with other inveterate dinner-givers, he outlines the parameters of inoffensive dinner party fare: avoid pork, shellfish, duck, lamb and fried food. Emphasize starch, whether pasta, potatoes or bread. Focus on salad and vegetables. Exercise restraint in the use of butter, animal fat, eggs and salt. Fruit should always be offered in addition to a very rich dessert. Always have mineral water on the table and freshly brewed decaffeinated coffee on hand.

Impressive menus can be created within these restrictions, but some hosts say meals designed to be inoffensive are boring. ''I call them dry-cleaned menus,'' Mr. Calihan said. ''They sound interesting, but they all end up tasting the same.'' Hosts, he said, can battle the blands with interesting garnishes and dramatic presentations.

Several recent changes in serving customs also help soothe the Me-Me dinner guest. Platter service, for instance, is being revived across the country. ''This allows guests to select discreetly,'' Mr. Savoca said. A renaissance of dinner buffets allows the same latitude for both picky and medically restricted eaters. Choice is the most gracious response to dietary restrictions.

But setting aside the white gloves and cream sauces will not placate the truly food rude. With them, Ms. Baldrige said, a host ''must hang tough.''

Pamela Black, a 28-year-old fund-raiser for the Children's Aid Society in Manhattan, learned that lesson when she gave her first sit-down dinner party. Ms. Black was familiar with the diets of each of her 12 guests and spent three days marinating a leg of lamb, preparing ratatouille, cleaning lettuce and making a peach tart. When she presented the platter fanned with rosy slices of lamb, one guest arched an eyebrow. ''Bambi,'' he said. Ms. Black corrected him. ''Mary's little lamb,'' she said, ''followed by salad from Peter Rabbit's patch.'' You Name It, It's Off Limits For Someone 

HERE is a list of caveats for the sensitive host, based on suggestions from caterers and others. Items that may cause allergic reactions: 

• Shellfish 
• Nuts 
• Red wine 
• Cheese 
• Tomatoes, eggplant and other members of nightshade family
• Garlic 
• Monosodium glutamate 

Items that may be proscribed by religion: 

• Shellfish 
• Pork 
• Meat and dairy products in combination 
• Caviar 
• Meats 
• Alcoholic beverages 

Items health-conscious people may try to avoid: 

• Animal and saturated fats 
• Sweets 
• Dairy products 
• Starches and breads 
• Fried foods 
• Beef and other red meat 
• Sauces 
• Butter 
• Caffeine 
• Alcoholic beverages 

Items that people may avoid for social or political reasons:

• Veal 
• Meat in general 
• Any food targeted for boycotts 

Foods some people do not like to think about eating: 

• Rabbit 
• Squid 
• Snails 
• Sweetbreads 
• Venison 
• Organ meats 
• Snake 

Foods that people may be embarrassed to eat at a party because they are messy: 

• Bony fish 
• Artichokes 
• Corn on the cob 
• Fried chicken 
• Soups 
• Ribs 
• Poultry with bones 
• Spaghetti or other long pasta 
• Tacos 
• Lobster. – By Molly O'Neill, Sept. 13, 1989

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of Veggies, Sweets, Etc…

As regards sweets, compôtes of fruit and fruit tarts should be eaten with a dessert-spoon and fork, as should those dishes where juice or syrup prevails to the extent of rendering a dessert-spoon necessary. But whenever it is possible to use a fork in preference to a spoon it is always better to do so. Jellies, creams, blancmanges, ice puddings, etc., should be eaten with a fork. As a matter of course, young ladies do not eat cheese at dinner-parties.

When large potatoes are served in their skins a salad-plate should be handed at the same time whereon to place them.

When asparagus first comes into season it is often given in the second course instead of in the first, in which case it is eaten as a separate dish. When handed with meat or poultry it should be eaten on the same plate containing either.

In eating asparagus, some elderly gentlemen still adhere to the fashion of their youth and hold the stalks in their fingers, but the younger generation cut off the points with a knife and fork.

Seakale also is given in the second course when first in season, and should be eaten with a knife and fork.

Mushrooms are also eaten with a knife and fork.

It need hardly be said that it would be a vulgarity to eat peas with a knife, although those who reside abroad, or who are in the habit of travelling on the continent, are not unaccustomed to seeing this done by foreigners who are well-bred men.

Artichokes are, it may be said, an awkward and untidy vegetable to eat; they are only given in the second course as a separate vegetable; the outside leaves should be removed with the knife and fork, and the inner leaves which surround the heart, or head of the artichoke should be conveyed to the mouth with the fingers and sucked dry; epicures consider this vegetable a dainty morsel; but at dinner-parties young ladies should not attempt to eat these artichokes.

Savouries, when possible, should be eaten with a fork, but occasionally a knife also is of imperative use.

As regards sweets, compôtes of fruit and fruit tarts should be eaten with a dessert-spoon and fork, as should those dishes where juice or syrup prevails to the extent of rendering a dessert-spoon necessary. But whenever it is possible to use a fork in preference to a spoon it is always better to do so.

Jellies, creams, blancmanges, ice puddings, etc., should be eaten with a fork.

As a matter of course, young ladies do not eat cheese at dinner-parties.— From “Manners and Rules of Good Society, or Solecisms to be Avoided, by a Member of the Aristocracy,” 1918

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Etiquette and a Game Bird Course

As regards small pigeons, golden plovers, snipe, quails, larks, etc., a whole bird is given to each guest, and the proper way to eat these birds is to cut the meat from the breast and wings and to eat each morsel at the moment of cutting it; the bird should not be turned over and over on the plate, or cut in half or otherwise dissected. The legs of Bordeaux pigeons are not, as a rule, eaten, and half a bird only is given, as there is sufficient on the wing and 

breast to satisfy an ordinary second-course appetite. When the legs of smaller birds are eaten, such as snipe or golden plover, the meat should be cut off as from the breast or wing.

With reference to entrées, some are eaten with a knife and fork, others with a fork only. All entrées that offer any resistance to a fork require the aid of both knife and fork, such as cutlets, filet de bœuf, sweetbreads, etc., but when rissoles, patties, quenelles, boneless curry, vol-au-vents, timbales, etc., are eaten, the fork only should be used.

In the case of the lighter entrées, the contact of the knife is supposed to militate against their delicate flavour; thus, for these bonnes bouches the fork is all-sufficient wherewith to divide and eat them.

The leg of a chicken, pheasant, duck, or wild duck should never be given to a guest save on those occasions when there are more guests present than there is meat from breasts and wings to offer them. Under these circumstances the carver is reduced to the necessity of falling back upon the legs of the birds, but in this case only the upper part of the thigh should be given, thus a guest has little difficulty in cutting the meat from the bone. A wing of a bird is usually given to a lady. Formerly it was thought a correct thing to sever the wing at the joint and then to cut the meat from the bone; but this requires a certain amount of strength in the wrist, and dexterity, should the bird not be in its première jeunesse.

As regards small pigeons, golden plovers, snipe, quails, larks, etc., a whole bird is given to each guest, and the proper way to eat these birds is to cut the meat from the breast and wings and to eat each morsel at the moment of cutting it; the bird should not be turned over and over on the plate, or cut in half or otherwise dissected. The legs of Bordeaux pigeons are not, as a rule, eaten, and half a bird only is given, as there is sufficient on the wing and breast to satisfy an ordinary second-course appetite. When the legs of smaller birds are eaten, such as snipe or golden plover, the meat should be cut off as from the breast or wing.

Young girls, as a rule, seldom eat a second course delicacy of this description; a little chicken or pheasant on the contrary is usually accepted by them.— Manners and Rules of Good Society, or Solecisms to be Avoided, by a Member of the Aristocracy, 1918

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Gilded Age U.S. Diplomacy Gone Awry

The general Chilean attitude was probably best expressed by Eduardo Phillips, chief of the Diplomatic Section of the Ministry of Foreign Relations who, in a letter to a newspaper, described Egan as a person “utterly lacking in all elements of culture and courtesy, and ever-ready to descend to the level of invective and calumny.” — Public domain image of the late 19th C. US Minister to Chile, Patrick Egan. His tenure in diplomacy was highly unpopular and controversial. 

MINISTER EGAN AGAIN. Minister Egan may be relied upon not to permit any opportunity to go unimproved for showing that he is an uncivil person. It is not to be believed for a moment that he received instructions from Washington to remain away from the inauguration of the Chilian President. Secretary Blaine is altogether too well trained and prudent in diplomatic matters to be the author of any such instructions. It must be inferred, therefore, that Mr. Egan followed his own judgment as to what would be proper under the circumstances. And this judgment manifestly shows him to be not only a boorish but a semi-barbarous person. 

The inauguration of President Montt was the concluding event of a revolution which was set on foot to re-establish liberty and order, and we should have given our approval to the proceeding independently of the controversy which exists between this country and the republic of Chili. Granting that Chili is altogether in the wrong in the pending dispute, we can well afford to be magnanimous, not to say civil. Egans course was not merely a breach of diplomatic etiquette it was an infraction of good manners. It is little wonder, therefore, that the representatives of other powers evinced surprise at the policy of our Minister. 

There is a phase of the situation which ought to have had great weight with Minister Egan, if he really entertains a sincere desire to bring about an adjustment of our controversy with Chili. We have heretofore carried on negotiations with the Junta, a provisional and many headed authority. With the inauguration of a rightful President, however, matters will be greatly simplified, authority will become more definite and the means of communication more direct. Everything, therefore, invited Mr. Egan to adopt a policy of conciliation, but inasmuch as that person is a born conspirator he threw the opportunity away and disgraced the country of which, unhappily, he is the representative. — Stockton Daily Mail, 1891

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