The Etiquette of Madagascar

Madagascar is the fourth largest island in the world that is surrounded by the Indian Ocean, off the Southeastern coast of Africa and yes, it is considered Africa… Madagascar is a very unique island!

Before leaving for the Vanilla Islands, I told friends I was going to meet my family in Africa. The question was asked, “Where?” I responded “Madagascar.” Immediately, people knew of the island. How? Because of the 2005, DreamWorks Animation film, with four funny zoo animals breaking out of New York Zoo and heading back to the wild (before you ask, there are NO penguins here). The next question friends asked me was, “Where is Madagascar located?”

 

Madagascar is the fourth largest island in the world that is surrounded by the Indian Ocean, off the Southeastern coast of Africa and yes, it is considered Africa. It has been recorded that the Malagasy people are closely related to those from Indonesia and are a blend of Asian and African. Today, you will find the culture is mixed with  Malays, Portuguese, British, Indian, Creole, Comorans, pirates and finally the French, before becoming the Republic of Madagascar. Madagascar once had its own stable monarchy, which was a consolidation of tribes from the 16th century onwards but it fell to French colonization from the 1890’s onwards.

 

Is it Safe to Travel in Madagascar?

Anywhere you sit, you will hear Madagascar’s sounds… birdsong, dulcet tones of farm animals, the breeze gently makes the fronds of the laden coconut, moringa and banana trees swaying and sweeping in the air, the smell of ylang ylang, lemongrass and frangipani. Growing up, I knew Madagascar as a vanilla, tea, coffee and chocolate-growing country. These four food items have made the country very famous and most sought after.

 

Madagascar is just magical, people, food and atmosphere tingles with authenticity It’s what Bali and Fiji were 20-25 years ago. It has signs of the French colonial past tied in with tourism opportunities and small spurts of modernisation. The Malagasy are naturally calm, friendly, and love to talk and are quite inquisitive people. During the day, I have found it safe, during the evening go back to the hotel to hang out and relax. Madagascar is a surprisingly big island and I didn't get a chance to travel to the central and south of the island. You will find that throughout Madagascar will practice different customs and speak various dialects.

Anywhere you sit, you will hear Madagascar’s sounds… birdsong, dulcet tones of farm animals, the breeze gently makes the fronds of the laden coconut, moringa and banana trees swaying and sweeping in the air, the smell of ylang ylang, lemongrass and frangipani. Growing up, I knew Madagascar as a vanilla, tea, coffee and chocolate-growing country. These four food items have made the country very famous and most sought after.

What to Expect in Madagascar

The Malagasy will naturally speak French and greet in French. It’s recommended to learn at least 20 French phrases to get by. Most people here speak one to three languages, which are their own tribal language (approx. 11 tribes throughout the country), Malagasy and French. Many of those in the tourism industry will perhaps speak English, Italian, or Spanish. The main religions are Christianity, Islam, and Indigenous beliefs, which I will come back to shortly.

 

I was fortunate enough to meet Stella, who currently lives in Nosy Be, an island off Madagascar’s northwestern coast. Stella spoke three languages, including English and I interviewed her on the societal norms and dining culture of the country. My family and I were pleasantly surprised with an invitation to her house to taste the local food, which we all appreciated. Here is what I learnt…

 

The customs and etiquette have changed due to French colonization in city parts however has kept steady without interference from others in the country areas. Etiquette will be different in tourist areas, mostly in the south, from the north and inner Madagascar.

 

The family organization is key to understanding the culture in Madagascar. It is a hierarchical structure of roles and relationships. Men are generally in charge, if there is none, then the eldest female will take the position. Those who are elderly are never called by name, rather, grandma or grandpa or something I really love and that is calling them by your friend's name. Let’s say your friend's name is Stella. You can call Stella’s mother – “Mama-Stella”. Those who are your peer and younger than you can be called by their first name.

 

Hello/hi - Miarahaba/manahoana

Nice to meet you: - Faly mahafantatra anao

Welcome - Tongasoa

Thanks/Thank you - Misaotra

Good morning - Miarahaba/manahoana

How are you? - Manahoana ianao? / Manahoana ny fahasalanamao ?

Good bye - Mandrampihaona

Excuse me – Azafady

No, thank you – tsy mila aho fa misaotra

 

A handshake is the most common form of greeting in business and between men and woman however, understand that the Malagasy people are shy and it may not happen the first time. Handshakes using the right hand while the left hand holds the right arm below the elbow are for those who are elderly and when you want to show ‘great’ respect. It’s very important to remember to give your best smile while you are performing a greeting. You can also do the ‘French version’ of bisou – kiss. Malagasy kiss, three times on the cheek. If a person who is older than you approaches, always get up and perform a greeting, if not, it will be seen as very rude. When approaching a group of people or entering the house, greet your host(s), then speak to the elderly first before anyone else.

 

If a young Malagasy person is walking past an older person, they will walk past slightly bowing while they walk, displaying ultimate respect, and when giving a gift or present, using two hands whilst leaning in. When making conversation, you can ask about how many members of family you have and if there are children or not.

 

If you are invited to a local's house, there will be no need to bring a gift, however, due to changes in the past century, bringing a sweet drink is enough. Only bring alcohol when you know the person well and that they drink the beverage. Never buy a tapi as a gift. It is wood that helps you wipe feet before entering a house. Malagasy parties can be mixed sexes.

The family organization is key to understanding the culture in Madagascar. It is a hierarchical structure of roles and relationships. Men are generally in charge, if there is none, then the eldest female will take the position. Those who are elderly are never called by name, rather, grandma or grandpa or something I really love and that is calling them by your friend's name. Let’s say your friend's name is Stella. You can call Stella’s mother – “Mama-Stella”. Those who are your peer and younger than you can be called by their first name.

Here are some common do’s and don’ts whilst traveling through Madagascar:

• Never swear or use derogatory words, use “dirty motion” signs, or get openly drunk.
• Do not show underwear in public. You will see that in the tourist and city areas dressing will be extremely casual however, when people are invited to a relative's house or getting around the country areas, it is prudent to wear appropriate clothing.
• Never throw rubbish, food or plastics, or worse, urinate on the side of the road!
• Due to indigenous beliefs, if you see a tree with a red and white ribbon around it, lemurs (think King Julian), chameleons, waterfalls, or lakes, they believe they are the spirit of the ancestors and should not be touched. Also, many lakes have crocodiles, so be very careful.
• Many Malagasy take independence from France, June 26, 1960, very seriously, they are proud that it ended. So, when the national anthem is playing, hands must be at your side and head erect.
• Never make fun of people's hair, Malagasy braiding is custom and the wearing of braids, for many, is an identifying mark. 

Dining Food and Etiquette in Madagascar

My family and I really enjoyed our time at Stella’s house. She was such an accommodating host and cooked the most wonderful traditional dish of Ravi.  She told us that today, modern families sit at the table and use a fork and spoon. The children of the family sit on a traditional mat (lamaca) with all the needed plates, bowls and cutlery supplied. They are taught from a young age to eat with complete dining ware. You will wait for the eldest person to gesture to start to eat or they themselves start, indicating that you can lift your fork and spoon and begin. Generally, you will eat in silence and be offered one main dish.

Though the three-course European spread has not entered into Malagasy households, perhaps you may be given cut fruit later after the meal has ended. If you have been invited to stay, this is what you can expect to be provided:

Breakfast – Rice with milk, sugar, boiled black tea

Lunch – Vegetables with zebu or chicken

Dinner – Vegetables, vegetable leaves, and manioc, the mainstay of every Malagasy house

 

Madagascar was well worth travelling to. It was everything I wanted, plus more. I loved the friendly people, fresh and healthy food, clean and peaceful beaches and marine life which was accessible to everyone. It takes time and patience to travel to Madagascar, being located so far away, but you certainly won’t regret it once you get there.

For many years, our Travel Etiquette Guru and Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette.

www.auersmont.com 

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1937’s “Post OK’d” Modern Manners, Part 2

 “For years it has been considered the height of rudeness to send typewritten letters to your friends. But nowadays, Mrs. Post holds, it is entirely correct to type personal letters, on all except formal occasions. The great convenience of the typewriter, plus the legibility of its product as compared to the deplorable handwriting of so many people have helped bring this about.”— Above, a letter from Emily Post to a friend in 1940, from the Etiquipedia private library and future Etiquette Museum

 Are Your Manners Streamlined to Modern Tempo?

Radical Changes in Social Customs Approved by Emily Post, America's Arbiter of Deportment, Who Gives Her “All Rights” and “Don'ts” in the World of Etiquette

RADIO and motoring manners are two more modern themes to receive Mrs. Post's consideration. She expresses wonder that men and women, ordinarily quite polite and considerate of others, so often become quite the reverse as soon as they sit behind the steering wheel of a car. Hand signals, she shows are just as trüly gestures of courtesy as is the gentlemanly ritual of raising ing the hat to a lady, and a cultured person will no more hog the road than he would spear all the lamb-chops on the family dinner platter.

Mrs. Post also has a helpful word for those who enjoy radios. It is rude to break in on the favorite program of a friend, in that friend's house. Thousands of radio listeners, she points out, look forward eagerly to certain scheduled periods of entertainment. So often, such a “fan” may be interrupted in the enjoyment of her favorite program by the arrival of a friend.

Such friends are often very inconsiderate. They think nothing of chattering — or shouting — above the sounds of a symphony. Yet these people would never dream of showing the same rudeness in a theatre, or at a concert.

Do you write many letters? For years it has been considered the height of rudeness to send typewritten letters to your friends. But nowadays, Mrs. Post holds, it is entirely correct to type personal letters, on all except formal occasions. The great convenience of the typewriter, plus the legibility of its product as compared to the deplorable handwriting of so many people have helped bring this about.

AS a hostess, would you poison your guests? If not, she claims that there is no justification for the almost universally- accepted practice of a hostess serving herself first at table. This, Mrs. Post terms "The Great American Rudeness."

She explains that it is a survival from the days of the Borgias, when scheming aristocrats often invited people to din- ner for the highly inhospitable purpose of poisoning them. Consequently, it was the very acme of good form in those days to sample every dish yourself before serv- ving others the theory being that if you'd eat it yourself, it must be safel And as a guest-don't be late for din- ner. That's old fashioned, and today hostesses are becoming intolerant even of the old custom of allowing guests a 15- minute period of grace. The author tells the story of one stern host who takes his guests in to dinner at the appointed time, and feeds the late-comers only those courses which remain to be served.

Once, a socially-prominent girl came very late, and the ensuing conversation went something like this: "Oh, dear Mr. Gilding, am I late?" "You are," are," said he, "very." "And I am so hungry!" "Oh, you are?" said the host. "well, coffee will be served immediately." The subject of lateness introduces an- other warning to girls. Don't keep him waiting! In other, more leisurely years, says Mrs. Post, a young man didn't mind standing around while his girl friend took her time. It was all very proper.

Today it isn't. The man should still appear first at a place of meeting, but, ideally, the woman woman should arrive exactly on the dot and there find that he has been waiting for her for about one or two minutes,

T ABLE manners, of course, are discussed by Mrs. Mrs. Post at great length. Here, too, there have been changes. At one time this arbiter of good form would not eat corn on the cob, a feat which not many diners manage to perform gracefully. Now, however, it is perfectly all right to pick up an entire ear in both hands and munch to your heart's content, even at a formal dinner. But try to do it neatly.

“Rules of etiquette are nothing more than signposts by which we are guided to the goal of good taste,” and she holds that “Americans as a people have all youth's glorious beauty and strength and vitality and courage. If we can keep these attributes and add finish and understanding and perfect taste in living we need not dwell on the Golden Age that is past, but believe in the Golden Age that is sure to be.” — Oakland Tribune, 1937

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1937’s “Post OK’d” Modern Manners, Part 1

“… boys keep your seats in street cars! If the lady who comes and stands in front of you is young and healthy, you can just let her stand and like it, this eminent salon of the salons decides. But if there is one vacant seat in the car, and you get on at the same stop as a young lady does, don't trip over her feet trying to beat her to it.”

Are Your Manners Streamlined to Modern Tempo?

Radical Changes in Social Customs Approved by Emily Post, America's Arbiter of Deportment, Who Gives Her “All Rights” and “Don'ts” in the World of Etiquette

IN THE days of William Shakespeare, when good Queen Bess ruled England, the first rule of court behavior read: "It is forbidden to strike the Queen in the face or forcibly to take food from her."

Nowadays no one would think of giving such obvious instruction, either in a court circular or any other compendium of etiquette, For manners change as surely - though more slowly-than fashions in clothing, as is revealed in the newest edition of "Etiquette," the standard volume published by Funk & Wagnalls and written by Emily Post, America's dictator of social deportment, Purely arbitrary and unnecessary rules tend, she shows, to be forgotten. And the basic purpose underlying the dictates of etiquette more and more comes to be the carrying on of social contacts in a smooth and pleasant manner.

As a result, pretentious flourishes in speech and manner are out! Today's manners are streamlined, A girl of today might seem as out of place in affecting certain of her grandmother's manners as she would he in wearing her grandmother's hoopskirts. Nowhere is this so clearly seen as in the changing social relations between the sexes and woman's invasion of the realm of business has, Mrs. Post shows, done most of all to break down old social taboos, and make it possible for a girl to do things nowadays, with perfect propriety. which would have caused her grandma to be shunned by good society and deemed "no lady."

FOR example, did you know that today a circumstance exists under which a young, unmarried girl can quite properly travel around the country, all alone, with a man not related to her? Not only that, but she can occupy a berth in the same Pullman car, and even put up at the same hotels as he does.

This revolution in social taste has been brought about by the needs of the business world. Mrs. Post holds that a girl or woman who is the confidential secretary of a busy man may travel with him on a business trip providing the girl maintains an attitude of strict impersonality. And tactfully - she should avoid occupying a hotel room which connects with his.

Men get many "breaks" from the new etiquette. The old idea that a man pays and pays for everything a woman companion eats or drinks now has exceptions, especially when they have met by chance rather than by his invitation.

And a woman, today, may invite a gentleman to visit her, even though their acquaintance is not a long one. She may, if over 18, go to dinner in his apartment, providing their circle is one in which this would not excite comment,

No longer is it necessary for a man to walk on the outside of the sidewalk, laboriously changing from one side of his lady to the other whenever they cross the street. Mrs. Post tells that this custom, still followed by the overwhelming majority of American males, is a survival from the days when danger lurked in the road and the man naturally strove to shield his female companions from it.

Nowadays, however, when so few horses remain at the curb to take a playful nibble at a passing woman, or to run berserk and knock her down, there is no need for this pedestrian gallantry, and a walking couple can cross and re-cross the road without seeming to dance.

BUT no lady, the author decides, smokes on the street, and she still condemns the mirror-squinting habit of painting or powdering in public. And of course, kissing in public is out! A husband and wife, meeting at a railway station after a considerable separation will kiss of course (after the husband has raised his hat) but if wifie meets Mr. Commuter every night when the 5:15 gets to the Suburbia depot, she doesn't give him a nightly kiss of greeting in front of an interested public.

And, oh yes, boys keep your seats in street cars! If the lady who comes and stands in front of you is young and healthy, you can just let her stand and like it, this eminent salon of the salons decides. But if there is one vacant seat in the car, and you get on at the same stop as a young lady does, don't trip over her feet trying to beat her to it. Give the little girl a break and the seat.

Girls, do you want to catch a man? It isn't ladylike to run after him, but nowadays it's quite all right to "stalk" him a bit! You can invite him to a party. You can even buy theatre tickets and invite him out occasionally. Sort of put it casually, like: "I have two tickets for the show, (or the game). Would you like to go with me?"

If you're sufficiently "cat-like" (the words are Mrs. Post's) you can really do quite a bit of shrewd pursuing without losing face,

And if you want to be Miss Popularity, you can no longer depend on a pretty face alone, she warns. Don't try to be like the belles of yesteryear, for being ornamental won't attract the boys much if you're also useless. No, girls in this modern world, Mrs. Post finds it not only good manners for a woman to be capable, and interested in almost everything but darned good sense as well!

If you dance — and she considers this very important -be sure you do it well. If you can't dance, and wisely avoid trying to learn at the expense of partners’ feet-you can smooth your social path by be ing a good bridge player.

The growing interest in cards has brought forth some sound advice from this autoerat of manners. If you are only a "veneered gentleman, the stresses and excitement of a card game are very likely to melt your veneer, she warns, And politer friends will see through you if you let a greedy glitter shine from your eyes when you win, or an envious sneer curl your lip when you lose. And - never throw down your bridge hand and say: "The rest are mine"! — Oakland Tribune, 1937

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and View of Queen Charlotte

On the Queen Charlotte Ball

The ball has been running almost every year since 1780, when King George III first organized the Queen Charlotte’s Ball as a way to celebrate his wife’s birthday. 

The ceremony remained unchanged- with debutantes paying respects to a large iced cake at Buckingham Palace, overseen by the monarch- until 1958, when Prince Philip persuaded the Queen to stop receiving each year’s crop at Court.

Philip is said to have complained that the annual Ball, at which girls aged 17 and 18 were expected to meet their suitably-moneyed future husbands, was ‘bloody daft’. 

The Queen’s sister, Princess Margaret, was even more forthright, saying later ‘we had to put a stop to it . . . every tart in London was getting in!’ 

Since 1958 the ball was held sporadically at various exclusive venues in the capital to varying degrees of success before being relaunched in 2009 and held annually since, albeit without its royal seal of approval.  –From the Daily Mail, 2014

— Public domain image of Thomas Gainsborough‘s portrait of Queen Charlotte, from 1781

Queen Charlotte, Presence, and the Elegance of Being Remembered 

👑 👑 👑 👑 👑 👑 👑

History invites us to look closer. Etiquette teaches us to do so with grace.

There are people and moments in history which feel unexpectedly personal and intriguing. For me, England’s Queen Charlotte is one of the people.

As an Afro-Latina woman who once had the privilege of living in Germany, Queen Charlotte’s story resonates with me in a deeply personal way. Like many little girls, I grew up fascinated by queens, castles, and grand ballrooms. Years later, I found myself living in Germany, marrying a German man, and eventually discovering the remarkable story of a German-born queen whose legacy continues to inspire conversations about grace, etiquette, and representation. History suddenly felt much closer than I ever imagined.

There is also a rich historical conversation surrounding Queen Charlotte’s ancestry. For generations, historians have explored evidence suggesting she may have had African ancestry through her Portuguese royal lineage. While scholars continue to debate the extent of that ancestry, Queen Charlotte has become an enduring figure of representation for many Black communities around the world. As an Afro-Latina woman, I found myself looking beyond the portraits and royal titles to appreciate the possibility that history is often far more diverse than many of us were taught.

Yet what captivated me most wasn’t the historical debate. It was her presence. When I study portraits of Queen Charlotte, I don’t immediately notice the jewels. I notice her composure… Her posture…  Her quiet confidence.

There is nothing hurried about her expression. Nothing that suggests she was competing for attention. She simply occupied the room. And perhaps that’s where the etiquette comes into the picture.

In 1780, King George III established Queen Charlotte’s Birthday Ball in honor of his wife’s birthday. Although young women had been formally presented at court for generations, Queen Charlotte’s Ball elevated the tradition into Britain’s most celebrated annual debutante presentation. It became the social event of “the Season,” where invitations were coveted, presentations were rehearsed, and families dreamed of introducing their daughters into society. But what fascinates me most is not the grandeur of the ballroom. It is the purpose behind the ball. The evening wasn’t created for guests to outshine the Queen, but was created to honor her.

Imagine receiving an engraved invitation to St. James’s Palace. Every detail of your appearance, your entrance, your curtsy, your conversation, and even your dance reflected respect for the occasion. Etiquette wasn’t a performance; it was an expression of consideration for someone else. That lesson feels just as meaningful today.

Whether attending a wedding, celebrating a birthday, accepting a dinner invitation, or entering someone’s home, etiquette has never been about becoming the center of attention. It has always been about recognizing whose moment it is.

One historical detail stopped me in my tracks. While guests often arrived in elaborate court dress adorned with jewels and embroidery, Queen Charlotte herself was known for appearing with remarkable restraint. She didn’t need to compete with those who came to celebrate her. Her presence spoke before her clothing ever could. As someone who teaches etiquette, I find that lesson timeless.

Today, we often confuse elegance with being noticed. Queen Charlotte reminds us that true elegance is found in dignity, humility, and knowing when to let the occasion—not our ego—take center stage. Perhaps that’s why Queen Charlotte’s story continues to inspire me. Not simply because she was a Queen. Not simply because she was born in Germany. Not simply because many continue to celebrate her as a woman whose possible African ancestry has broadened conversations about representation in European history. But because she reminds us that grace never demands attention. It simply earns respect.

More than two centuries later, Queen Charlotte’s Birthday Ball still offers us one of etiquette’s greatest lessons: The guest’s job was never to compete with the Queen. It was to honor her. And perhaps that is the timeless beauty of etiquette. It teaches us that every room has a purpose, every celebration has a guest of honor, and every gracious person understands the difference. Because true etiquette has never been about being the most noticed person in the room.It has always been about knowing how to honor the moment—and the people within.

Meet our newest contributor, Eileen Copeland. Eileen is the founder of Southern California Etiquette™, a modern etiquette and social refinement platform which explores dining culture, hosting, presentation, and contemporary social behavior. A native Southern Californian, Eileen’s background includes executive and personal assisting, real estate, wellness, modeling, beauty, and luxury client services. Married for over 15 years, Eileen is a mother of two and grandmother of two, whose broad experiences, including living internationally for nearly a decade, helped shape her appreciation for culture, hospitality, and refined living. She shares life with her husband, her mini Goldendoodle, Teddy, and Luna, her sphynx cat, while continuing her etiquette studies under mentor Maura Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette.

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Shopping Etiquette

“To attempt to ‘beat down’ the price of an article is rude. In the best conducted stores the price of the goods is ‘fixed,’ and the salesmen are not allowed to change it. If the price does not suit you, you are not obliged to buy, but can go elsewhere.” — Maude C. Cooke, 1896… Above, shopping at the House of Worth in Paris

Etiquette of Shopping

In visiting a store for the purpose of examining the goods or making purchases, conduct yourself with courtesy and amiability.

Speak to the clerks and employés of the store with courtesy and kindness. Do not order them to show you anything. Request them to do so in a polite and ladylike or gentlemanly manner. Give them no more trouble than is necessary, and express your thanks for the attentions they may show you. In leaving their counter, say pleasantly, “Good-morning,” or “Good-day.” By treating the employés of a store with courtesy, you will render your presence there, welcome, and will receive all the attention such conduct merits.-331-

Should you find another person examining a piece of goods, do not take hold of it. Wait until it is laid down, and then make your examination.

To attempt to “beat down” the price of an article is rude. In the best conducted stores the price of the goods is “fixed,” and the salesmen are not allowed to change it. If the price does not suit you, you are not obliged to buy, but can go elsewhere.

Pushing or crowding at a counter, or the indulgence in personal remarks, handling the goods in a careless manner, or so roughly as to injure them, lounging upon the counter, or talking in a loud voice, are marks of bad breeding.

Never express your opinion about an article another is purchasing, unless asked to do so. To say to a customer about to make a purchase that the article can be bought cheaper at another store, is to offer a gratuitous insult to the clerk making the sale.

You should never ask or expect a clerk engaged in waiting upon a customer to leave that person and attend to you. Wait patiently for your turn.

It is rude to make unfavorable comparisons between the goods you are examining and those of another store.

Have your parcels sent, and so avoid the fatigue of carrying them.

It is best to buy for cash. You can always buy cheaper in this way. If you make bills, however, pay them promptly. Make no bill you are not sure of paying at the time promised by you. Avoid debt as the greatest curse of life.– From “Social Life,” by Maude C. Cooke, 1896 

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Less “Professional Etiquette” Please!

There is one respect in which I think the medical profession needs a good overhauling. I refer to some of the conventions that go under the head of professional etiquette.

CAN’T WE HAVE A LITTLE LESS? 

There are certain things for which I deeply admire the members of the medical profession, — their self sacrifice and courage in times of epidemic and the vast amount of charity work they do. There is one respect in which I think the medical profession needs a good overhauling. I refer to some of the conventions that go under the head of professional etiquette.“Why,” says a friend of mine, “do you have such faith in doctors? They aren't always right. They can’t be. And they don’t have to be, either. They don’t have half the incentive men in other jobs have to be right because it’s professional etiquette that one doctor shall not say anything about another doctor’s work. 

“If a lawyer, or an architect, or a manufacturer makes some big mistake people know about it and he gets come up with. So he’s everlastingly careful to make as few mistakes as possible. But if a doctor makes mistakes, all the rest of the profession are supposed to help him cover them up so he will help them when they make mistakes.” Of course that’s putting the ease pretty harshly. But there is some reason for his strong feeling, surely. 

A doctor told me the other day of a patient who was brought to him for his eyes in a frightful condition which at once made him suspect some serious trouble with the ductless glands. “It was against professional etiquette,” he said, “but when I found that the doctor was treating her for some other trouble altogether I felt so badly for the family that I couldn’t help suggesting they get a specialist on glands.” They got such a specialist and the boy who had been on the verge of idiocy was restored to normality. “Most doctors,” he said, “wouldn’t have done that because it was against professional etiquette.” In other words, professional etiquette would have bade them see the child become an idiot rather than interfere. 

In the story of hospital life by an author who has good reason to know whereof she writes, the hospital staff stand by and sec a child in the hospital slowly dying for lack of an operation just because he is the patient of an old school doctor who does not believe in that operation and it is not their place, in spite of all their knowledge of modern methods, to urge it. In the story, an accident makes the doctor realize his mistake and the child is saved by the operation. 

Professional etiquette used to forbid any doctor to tell his women patients the terrible why of some of their unnecessary suffering and individualism, I am thankful to say, there is a swing away from that convention. In these days the very poor and the very rich get the best medical attention because the very poor are given it free at clinics and public hospitals where the greatest men in their profession give their time; and the very rich can pay for it. 

But I have heard it stated on good authority that the verv poor are more fortunate than the very rich. Why? Because the fact that the rich can pay so much makes doctors careful about trespassing on each other’s territory. More professional etiquette and, for once, it is the rich who suffer. Of course, professional etiquette has many usages. Without it we shall doubtless have many evils that it prevents. But it does seem to me that if it were somewhat modified the public would be better off. — From “Ruth Cameron’s Side Talks,” The Riverside Daily Press, 1922

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Early 19th C. Etiquette in Prussia

The Prussian government authorized the rigid prohibition of  the wearing of corsets during daily gymnastic exercises.

ETIQUETTE IN PRUSSIA

Government Rules That Station Master Should Salute Women Subordinates First

 A 2nd Debut Article from 2016

By Associated Press. BERLIN, Oct. 21.— Among the odd decisions published today Is that of the Prussian Railway Administration on a point of etiquette advanced by a station master on the Lower Rhine, who asked for a ruling as to whether the young women subordinates in his office should not recognize him first on the street instead of waiting to be saluted according to the prevailing customs. The government directed the station master to salute first. The principal of the girls’ high school at Saarbruecken inquired of the provincial government if she has authorized to forbid the young women to wear corsets during gymnastic exercises. The government authorized their rigid prohibition.- Los Angeles Herald, 1905

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1940’s Codes of Student’s Etiquette

“Reading the code brought to my mind what the high school girl had observed.” — Katherine Virginia Sinks, 1944

Observations a young high school miss made in my hearing on the marks of a well-bred youth, are echoed in the code of etiquette for youth compiled by a Dean of Women in an eastern college. Reading the code brought to my mind what the high school girl had observed. And her observations are what interested me in the Dean’s code. 

They practically agree, so I won’t identify their views, but quote them anonymously. “Kindness and consideration for others is the basis of all etiquette.” “He should know how to make correct introductions, must know correct table etiquette and should be neat and well-dressed in appearance.” “He should walk correctly with a girl so that she will not be criticized.” 

And quoting from the West Point code of etiquette, “Nothing so quickly discloses the presence or absence of breeding in a man as does his attitude toward women.” “The home is the true test of etiquette and courtesy. “True breeding is shown in the why a man treats the women who love him.” — From Log Of Life, By Katherine Virginia Sinks, for the San Pedro News Pilot, 1944

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia