Etiquette and Incompetent Help

An already bewildered maid is not rendered any the better by open reprimands, admonitions, orders or a series of frantic signals. She is much more likely to stumble, drop food and dishes and possibly burst into tears if reproved before guests, making them uncomfortable and agonizing the hostess.

Etiquette For the Hostess:

Among the laws of social usage called “etiquette” perhaps none is oftener broken or at least shaken than that demanding composure of manner in host and hostess where awkward or inexperienced help must be depended upon. An already bewildered maid is not rendered any the better by open reprimands, admonitions, orders or a series of frantic signals. She is much more likely to stumble, drop food and dishes and possibly burst into tears if reproved before guests, making them uncomfortable and agonizing the hostess. 

If the fish is served and its sauce is forgotten, if there is a mistake in pouring wine or filling the water goblets, or indeed, any such small mishaps, matters are not made any better by repeated corrections, veiled sarcasm or anything of the sort. One of the really simple rules of good breeding is followed by the hostess who never apologizes for commissions or omissions at her table. She may give orders to a nervous maid in a very, very low, gentle tone that will help to compose the frightened, awkward girl, and she makes the effort and is always successful to divert her guests and pays no attention seemingly to anything that goes wrong. 

The obligation that good form imposes upon guests in such cases is to assist the hostess in a quiet, considerate way. If in the serving of a dish it is discovered that It has been badly cooked or is in any way wrong it is far better to allow it to be served, unless it would be really harmful, than to send it back to the kitchen with a stern message to a possibly flustered, incompetent cook. Then guests can easily trifle with it, allowing that course to be as if it never was wrong in any way, laughing and talking about anything, everything that comes to mind. 

This helps out a worried hostess and makes for the pleasure of the assembled company. Apologies should never be offered if a long, awkward wait intervenes between courses. It becomes then the duty of host and hostess to appear entirely unconcerned and to keep the ball of conversation going as swiftly and gayly as possible. This is the composure of manner that must be cultivated if people wish to appear at ease, no matter what happens. Accidents are always apt to occur, and to accept them quietly is to show good breeding, which is etiquette. – San Pedro Pilot, 1913

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Manners, Wives and Women of Homer

Considered one of the most influential authors in the history of the written word, Homer was an Ancient Greek poet and the credited author of two foundational works of ancient Greek literature, the Iliad and the Odyssey. – Public domain image of Homer

The Women of Homer

Although the women of Athens in the days of its glory had a position which is to-day believed to have been not merely inferior, but servile and debased, yet the earlier women, both of what may be called the period of the Homeric singer and of the Homeric listener, were evidently a very superior order, receiving respect and duty, and giving a high tone to their social life. 

There are but two ignoble women in all the pages of Homer, Helen and Clytemnestra; and even to them a certain sort of honor was awarded by those about them. All the other women of Homer’s song were dignified, gentle, noble, with lofty standards of morals and behavior, and exerting a wide and valuable influence. They are generally characterized by a sweet courtesy; they have a natural refinement; and in all the story that is told of them we recognize a warmth of family feeling, a lofty elegance of manners, a grace which is hardly excelled by the manners and habits of the ladies of today. 

It was evident this feeling about marriage in ancient days which made the position of women honorable, gave them safety, allowed them to cultivate the graces, lent them an authority and influence that were forceful, and, made the tale seem real to those who heard it sung, because there was nothing in it contrary to their own experience. We read of it all with a great sense of naturalness and kinship, feeling that what is right is so the world over, and realizing that it is with women to-day as it was three thousand years ago; their power and their protection lie in the obedience and the reverence that are given to the sanctity of marriage. 

It is interesting to find that years ago, when all the people who heard the Homeric songs first sung are dust blowing on the four winds of heaven, this institution of marriage, which had its happy exemplification in the lives, the singing of which touched all hearts with a kind and familiar finger, should remain as fixed and solid as the rock, and that, indeed, among those of our generation who think the highest and live the best it is regarded as sacramental in its nature, and not to be lightly considered, rudely spoken of, nor carelessly broken.—Harper's Bazar, 1898

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Gilded Age Fashionable Cats

“The points especially desired are perfect whiteness without a colored hair, both eyes of the same hue, good hearing (for some are deaf), and manners not too languid.”  – Image source, Pinterest

The Persian cat is of an exquisite Maltese color, with long silky hair and topaz eyes. A full ruff around her neck and feathered ears and toes testify to her pure blood. “Dundreary whiskers” and a tail like a banner complete her charms, and in this description are noted the distinctions of her breed. Not all Persians are of her color; there are several varieties, the preferable being a pure white with yellow eyes. 

Persians possess all the cat virtues, including a gentle disposition, in which latter quality they excel the Angora, their rival in popularity. The Angora (or Angola) is a eat of superbly dignified manners, but its long hair, being closely curled, is extremely hard to keep 'in nice order, needing, in fact, frequent washing. It is supposed to bo descended from the Siberian wildcat, and its cries are said to be even more uncivilized and weird than the unknown tongue in which ordinary pussies exchange opinions on the back fence. Either of these cats is a beautiful creature, though not so intelligent as the short-haired kinds. 

Persians are often imported, but there are places in New York where the kittens may be sometimes procured at a moderate price. Of the short-haired eats perhaps the greatest favorite is white with blue eyes. If to these attractions are added tufted ears, the animal ranks high, and is considered worthy of a ribbon collar and silk tassels on the tips of the ears. The points especially desired are perfect whiteness without a colored hair, both eyes of the same hue, good hearing (for some are deaf), and manners not too languid. 

It must be said that a cat of this sort, though affectionate and exceedingly ornamental in a room, is not the most knowing of its family. To be a thing of beauty is quite satisfactory to the high-bred creature. Next in favor is the Maltese, sometimes called the blue, and to be perfect it should be of a rich dark shade, free from hint or suspicion of any other hue. Amber-colored eyes and lips and soles of black are equally indispensable. To these qualities the Maltese adds good temper and brightness. – The Weekly Calistogan, 1887

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Manners of Americans

Stereoscopic view of the White House State Dinner tables set for the 1902 dinner hosted by Teddy Roosevelt, in honor of Prince Heinrich of Germany.

Morals and Manners of a Nation

The real test of the manners and morals of a nation is not by comparison with other nations, but with itself. It must be judged by the historical, not by the topographical standard. Does it develop? and how? Manners, like morals, are an affair of evolution, and must often be a native product, a wholly indigenous thing. This is the case, for instance, with the habitual American courtesy to women in traveling — a thing unparalleled in any European country, and of which, even in this country, Howells finds his best type in the Californian. What takes the place of it among the Latin races is the courtesy of the high bred gentleman toward the lady who is his social equal — which is a wholly different thing. 

A similar point of evolution in this country is the decorum of a public assembly. It is known that at the early town meetings in New England men sat with their hats on, as in England. Unconsciously, by a simple evolution of good manners, the habit lias been outgrown in America, but parliament still retains it. Many good results may have followed imperceptibly from this same tendency to decorum. Thus Mr. Bryce points out that the forcible interruption of a public meeting by the opposite party, although very common in England, is very rare in America. 

In general, with us, usages are more flexible, more adaptive; in public meetings, for instance, we get rid of a great many things that are unutterably tedious, as the English practice of moving, seconding and debating the prescribed vote of thanks to the presiding officer at the end of the most insignificant gathering. It is very likely that even our incessant self criticism contributes toward this gradual amelioration of habits. In that case the wonder is that our English cousins, who criticise themselves quite as incessantly, move so slowly.—Harper's Bazar, 1891

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Etiquette and Politeness

Manners are acquired by association, by contact, by slow degrees, through several generations, and by laborious effort, line upon line, precept upon precept, in each generation. We observe a similarity in the manner and in the manners of certain families. Sometimes servants take on a likeness of manner to those with whom they live, as children do, personality being always a force and carrying with it impressiveness of some sort. Both children and servants need molding and training in manners, while manner comes to them, as it were, without their knowledge. 

BE NATURAL

Due Regard for the Rights of Others

Harks True Politeness

Manner and manners are not precisely synonymous. One may possess ceremonious manners and in conjunction with these have a manner which antagonizes tbe very people whom the elaborate manners are intended to please. A boorish person may, by dint of careful imitation, acquire a veneer of courtesy, good so far as it goes, but when all is said only veneer, not the solid, polish-bearing wood. A person ignorant of social usages and unskilled in the conventionalities of the period maybe distinguished by a manner essentially chaining. Manner is what we are, so to speak, in the grain. It is individuality. It is the outshining of the soul.

Manners are acquired by association, by contact, by slow degrees, through several generations, and by laborious effort, line upon line, precept upon precept, in each generation. We observe a similarity in the manner and in the manners of certain families. Sometimes servants take on a likeness of manner to those with whom they live, as children do, personality being always a force and carrying with it impressiveness of some sort. Both children and servants need molding and training in manners, while manner comes to them, as it were, without their knowledge. 

Occasionally one meets a gently bred elderly person who has not adopted certain forms and modes which are at present in vogue, and who innocently fails to meet the requirements of good form — a thing to be regretted, because the greater should everywhere include the less, and a well-bred manner should presuppose perfect manners. At all times the requirements of politeness are founded upon good sense, upon kindness of heart, upon due regard for the rights of others. The rude, the brusque, the abrupt, trample on the sensibilities of their friends, as well as invade propriety, sometimes defending themselves as natural, and declaring that they abhor affectation and adore sincerity. 

They appear not to recognize the fallacy in this. A natural manner should, of all manners in the world, be sincere. Sincerity does not imply brutality. Affectation is less heinous and offensive than cruelty, and cruelty exists wherever one person needlessly wounds another. Gentle manners do much to oil the machinery of life at home and in the community. It costs little effort to say, “I thank you” and “If you please,” to acknowledge every kindness as a favor worth appreciation; but, were it otherwise, effort in this direction would be well repaid. Especially in our intercourse with children or with the aged, with those who are in any way at a disadvantage as compared with ourselves, should we be careful to exercise a cordial politeness. If this be the manner of our outlook in the world, it will influence our manners to all whom we meet. – Harper’s Bazar, 1892

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

American Etiquette Book History

In his book, Learning How to Behave… A Historical Study of American Etiquette Books,… “Schlesinger analyzed the transition from early American etiquette books influenced by European, particularly British and French, standards, to the development of a distinct American approach to social conduct. He noted how the emergence of westward expansion led to the appearance of American-authored etiquette books. However, with the rise of great wealth in the late 19th century, the newly established upper classes looked again to European models for guidance, according to www.discoursemagazine.com.” – Above, Arthur M. Schlesinger in 1961

A social code, like a garment on the human body, outlives its usefulness when it no longer fits the form for which it was designed. Its acceptability at any given time rests upon the willingness of the well-mannered to adhere to it and of most other people to look up to it. If class relations change, so also must the canons of breeding or else forfeit every vestige of authority; and it follows that the more violent the change, the more imperative is the need for compromise and adjustment.

Such a challenge confronted American manners in the second quarter of the nineteenth century. Many things conspired to undermine ancient attitudes and upset hallowed landmarks. The War of 1812, misinterpreted as a glorious victory, exalted the self-confidence of the postwar generation. The extension of the nation's authority to the Rio Grande and the Pacific, the expanding web of canals and railroads, the outflow of humanity into untenanted areas, the springing up of new cities in the older regions, the rapid technological progress and notable growth of industry all these bred in Americans the sense of a mighty people marching toward a goal such as mankind had never known. And with these developments went others more subtle in character: the steady rise of countless humble folk to higher living standards, and the admission of all white men to the ballot and the right to hold office. These altered conditions could not fail to leave their mark on social usages, particularly in the North where their principal impact was felt. Andrew Jackson’s elevation to the White House in 1828 was a political outcropping of deeper human stirrings. 

The son of a destitute Scotch-Irish immigrant, he had by dint of pluck and native capacity arrived at the seat of power hitherto reserved for the Harvard-educated Adamses and great Virginia landholders. Protagonists of the old order, alarmed by the “millennium of minnows” at Washington, misunderstood the nature of the upsurge that Jackson's election betokened. The dreaded minnows, whether agitating the turbid pool at the federal capital or disturbing the broader waters throughout the land, had no intention of remaining small fry, or even of always swimming with their kind. To them the country’s new political and economic situation meant the opportunity for little fish to grow into big ones. 

“True republicanism,” agreed a contemporary, “requires that every man shall have an equal chance that every man shall be free to become as unequal as he can.” Unlike former times, ordinary folk now felt they could make of themselves what they would. As Catharine Sedgwick reminded them, “It is not here as in the old world, where one man is born with a silver spoon, and another with a pewter one, in his mouth. You may all handle silver spoons, if you will. That is, you may all rise to places of respectability.” Though devoting their chief energies to bettering their material lot, they never lost sight of the fact that self-respect also demanded they climb toward higher social levels. The passion for equality, in other words, found expression in the view that all could become gentlemen, not that gentlemen should cease to be. 

President Jackson himself, despite his lowly origins and the hoary Whig legend in history books of his uncouthness, excited the admiration of both friend and foe by his urbane and courtly demeanor. To be sure, a shirt-sleeve approach to good manners naturally outraged the Southern planter's conception of a properly regulated world. Little wonder that a Georgia aristocrat, writing in the mid-century, found the North “devoid of society fitted for well-bred gentlemen” because so many of the persons he encountered were “mechanics struggling to be genteel.”

One of the arguments for sowing the North with little red schoolhouses was that “the first indispensable requisite for good society is education”; and though other reasons proved more influential in bringing about public schools, the colonial precedent of using the classroom for instructing the young in civility received the fullest possible application. The states now generally required the teaching of such basic qualities as truthfulness, sobriety, temperance, industry, piety and chastity. Educational leaders further proclaimed it the duty of schoolmasters to make up for any other deficiencies of home training, and textbook writers quickly obliged with sections on “Politeness,” “Manners at Table” and “Manners in the Street and on the Road.”

Older persons received a certain amount of help from the magazines, especially from Godey’s Lady's Book and similar women’s journals, whose sentimental stories featured heroes and heroines of immaculate gentility, and whose editors some- times offered specific recipes for social deportment and affairs of the heart. Mrs. James Parton, known to her numerous readers as Fanny Fern, took occasion in her discursive essays- which generally reached a wider public in book form-to include tart comments on ill breeding. Two of her “Rules for Ladies” were: “Always keep callers waiting, till they have had time to notice the outlay of money in your parlors”; and “Always whisper and laugh at concerts, by way of compliment to the performers, and to show your neighbors a sovereign contempt for their comfort.”

Such incidental references, however, did not replace the manuals devoted wholly to social decorum, a type of publication which, given the new circumstances of American life, now attained an importance never before known. Mrs. Sarah Joseph Hale, who presided over Godey’s, considered it one of her bounden duties to recommend these writings as they issued from the press, and in time she produced her own treatise on Manners; or, Happy Homes and Good Society (1866). From the late 1820's on, this literature poured forth in a never-ending stream. An incomplete enumeration shows that, aside from frequent revisions and new editions, twenty-eight different manuals appeared in the 1830's, thirty- six in the 1840's and thirty-eight more in the 1850's - an average of over three new ones annually in the pre-Civil War decades.

They not only greatly exceeded the number published at any earlier time, but they were also mostly of American authorship. The writers embraced such persons as Lydia H. Sigourney and Catharine M. Sedgwick, the novelists; Eliza W. Farrar, biographer of Lafayette and wife of a Harvard professor; William A. Alcott, cousin of Bronson Alcott and an educational reformer; T. S. Arthur, best known today as the author of Ten Nights in a Bar-room; and Eliza Leslie, a successful writer of juvenile fiction. Lola Montez, the Irish-Spanish actress who dazzled America in the mid-century, discoursed appropriately enough on The Arts of Beauty (1858), graciously including “hints to gentlemen on the art of fascinating.” Ralph Waldo Emerson, though not himself a contributor to the genre, lent a certain elevation to the theme by devoting two of his essays to “Manners” and “Behavior.” He could even commend his friend Walter Savage Landor for saying, “I have suffered more from my bad dancing than from all the miseries and misfortunes of my life put together.”

The conduct books were of two general kinds, one upholding the time-honored conception of manners as “character in action,” the other elaborating the view, already rendered familiar by the American adaptations of Chesterfield, that manners are a set of rules to be learned. With the nation passing through a period of unsettling social change, moralists feared lest the ancient pillars of individual integrity and family virtues be destroyed, and they publicized their concern in treatises ascribing true courtesy to “the source of all purity and goodness, the Christian religion.” In this spirit William A. Alcott ambitiously attempted to canvass every aspect of personal and domestic relations in The Young Man's Guide (1832), The Young Woman's Guide (1836), The Young Mother (1836), The Young Wife (1837), The Young Husband (1838) and The Boy's Guide (1844).

Yet neither he nor his less fecund fellow scribes wholly ignored conduct in the more restricted sense of etiquette George W. Hervey in The Principles of Courtesy excused himself for touching on such trivia by the need to counteract the many handbooks that “appealed to unworthy motives, and taught a heartless and selfish system of politeness.” Taking somewhat different ground, Alcott argued that a practice like wearing one's hat in the house “tends to vice and immorality.” T. S. Arthur, on the other hand, though warning against drawing-room usages based on self-seeking and vanity, frankly urged his readers to study etiquette manuals for their own sake.

Arthur by this advice showed himself far more in accord with the times than were most purveyors of what Fanny Fern called "moral molasses." The rising classes, reasonably confident of their grip on Christian principles but timorous about the proprieties of taste and behavior, thirsted to know “the little things, the graceful finishing touches,” which they associated with persons “to the manner born.” “The power of littles!” wrote Mrs. Hale approvingly. “How often has the expression been quoted, how much it contains!” Those who set their hands to the task of meeting the demand did so with a clear understanding of the audience they were addressing. “I have seen it gravely stated by some writer on manners, that it takes three generations to make a gentleman,” said the wellborn Miss Sedgwick, and she emphatically rejoined, “This is too slow a process in these days.” – From “Learning How to Behave… A Historical Study of American Etiquette Books,” By Arthur M. Schlesinger, 1947

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Grace: Stronger Together

Allowing Etiquette and Grace 
to Build Connections

Image Source: stylephotographs; "Businesswoman as boss congratulates with handshake on promotion or hiring.", 2025. Accessed via https://www.123RF.com/photo_198301631, Standard License.

While etiquette provides the framework for proper behavior, grace adds the heart and soul that transforms mere protocol into genuine human connection. Understanding how these two concepts work together can revolutionize your personal and professional relationships.

Grace enhances etiquette by infusing it with warmth and sincerity, making our adherence to social norms feel genuine and heartfelt. Together, they create a harmonious interaction that reflects both respect for others and an innate sense of dignity.

What Is Etiquette?

Etiquette encompasses the established conventions  and guidelines that govern polite behavior in social settings.  These guidelines serve as a universal language of respect, helping us navigate everything from business networking events to intimate dinner parties.  Acting with propriety creates a comfortable environment where everyone knows what to expect, reducing anxiety and allowing genuine interaction to flourish.

Traditional etiquette covers various aspects of social interaction, including dining manners, conversation protocols, professional conduct, and formal event behavior.  These guidelines exist not to constrain us, but to provide a framework that demonstrates consideration for others. When we follow etiquette guidelines, we signal respect for those around us and create an atmosphere of mutual courtesy.

Grace as the Heart of Human Connection

Grace transcends mere rule-following to embody the spirit behind proper behavior.  It represents kindness, compassion, and understanding in action. While etiquette guides us as to what to do, grace leads us in how to do it with genuine care for others' feelings and experiences.

Grace manifests in small gestures: offering a warm smile to a nervous newcomer at a networking event, patiently listening when someone struggles to express themselves, or handling an awkward social moment without drawing attention to another's mistake. 

Where Etiquette and Grace Intersect

The most effective social interactions occur when traditional etiquette principles are infused with genuine grace.  This combination creates an environment where people feel both respected and valued.  Consider the difference between a host who perfectly executes dinner party protocol versus one who does so while also ensuring every guest feels welcomed and included in conversation.

In networking situations, someone who combines proper business etiquette with gracious attention to others' interests and needs becomes memorable for all the right reasons. They remember names, ask insightful questions, and make connections that prioritize the needs of others.

Practical Applications in Daily Life

Professional Settings
Grace-filled etiquette in the workplace might involve acknowledging a colleague's contribution in a meeting, even when it wasn't required by protocol. It means being punctual and prepared (etiquette) while also being understanding when others face unexpected challenges (grace).

Social Dining
Proper table manners demonstrate respect for fellow diners and the host's efforts. Adding grace means being patient with children learning to navigate formal dining, discreetly helping someone unfamiliar with certain utensils, or smoothly changing the subject when conversation turns uncomfortable.

Family Relationships
Even within close family circles, maintaining courteous behavior shows ongoing respect for loved ones.  Grace in family settings involves patience during difficult conversations, celebrating others' successes genuinely, and offering support during challenging times without being asked.

Building Stronger Relationships Through Gracious Etiquette

When we consistently combine proper etiquette with genuine grace, we become the kind of people others enjoy being around.  This approach builds trust, as people recognize that our courteous behavior stems from authentic care rather than mere social performance.

Gracious etiquette also provides a framework for handling difficult situations with dignity. When conflicts arise or mistakes occur, having established patterns of respectful, caring behavior makes resolution more likely and preserves relationships that might otherwise be damaged.

The Ripple Effect of Gracious Behavior

Perhaps most importantly, practicing etiquette with grace creates a positive ripple effect in our communities.  When we consistently treat others with respect and kindness, we model behavior that others often mirror.  This contributes to creating social environments where everyone feels valued and comfortable.

The investment in learning and practicing both etiquette and grace pays dividends in every area of life.  Professional opportunities expand, friendships deepen, and family relationships strengthen when we approach others with both proper respect and genuine care.

Ultimately, the marriage of etiquette and grace transforms social interaction from mere obligation into opportunity—the opportunity to brighten someone's day, build meaningful connections, and contribute to a more courteous, caring world.

 Contributor, Candace Smith is a retired, national award-winning secondary school educator, Candace Smith teaches university students and professionals the soft skills of etiquette and protocol. She found these skills necessary in her own life after her husband received international recognition in 2002. Plunged into a new “normal” of travel and formal social gatherings with global leaders, she discovered how uncomfortable she was in many important social situations. After extensive training in etiquette and protocol, Candace realized a markedly increased confidence level in meeting and greeting and dining skills and was inspired to share these skills that will help others gain comfort and confidence in dining and networking situations. Learn more at http://www.candacesmithetiquette.

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Russian Picnic Etiquette and History

In 1936, Hilda Leyel wrote in “The Ideal Picnic”, “The art of preparing cold dishes lies in choosing dishes that are better eaten cold than hot,” she wrote. This was a classic canon and an important rule of a European picnic. But the important Russian distinction and making of a Russian picnic, was the obligatory samovar, or rather many samovars.  Yes, people went out into nature to enjoy spring, then summer, and to drink tea. - Above, The Grand Duchess Maria Pavlovna with her granddaughters at a picnic. - Photo source, Pinterest

Today, the word “picnic”, which is understood in many languages ​​including Russian, too, usually means a short trip to nature or just going to the nearest park to have a good time in the fresh air and, of course, to eat tasty and pleasant food. This is really nothing new. People have spent their time like this for centuries. 

People who lived in villages and worked the land often took food with them. European aristocrats loved hunting and, of course, ate out in nature too. Travelers ate on the road. Residents of large cities were always accompanied by “street food”, as we would say now - the own kitchen it was a luxury available just to few. Fires in cities were more than dangerous. 

It is interesting that in Russia they traded “street food” not from stalls and tents, but stationary or mobile peddlers. Also known as “hawkers”, these peddlers  of food for picnics (razhnosshiki and korobeiniki) were very popular. According to official data, by 1870 in Moscow almost 7000 people were busy in this field. They traded everywhere, including in Red Square. This ease of purchasing the necessary picnic foods saw more Russians flocking to picnics. A huge contribution to the development of picnics, of course, belongs to France and England. But Russian picnics, of course, had their own history and they created some interesting details. 

The idea of ​​city walks in Moscow came from foreigners back in the days of Peter the Great. In Russia, there was no tradition of celebrating “May Tree Day” or Maifeiertag. Muscovites may have looked at it with distrust at first, but then they decided that one more holiday was a great idea. Today I would say The First of May is popular in Europe and in Russia especially, and it still more or less starts picnic season.  This is where “May Day” or “First of May” came from; political meetings that initially had nothing to do with the Bolsheviks and politics in general. But it was still a step towards the picnic format, but not yet.

In the 19th century, Moscow Governor General Prince Dmitry Golitsyn made the May Day festivities in Sokolniki (a park in Moscow that still exists) an official holiday, meaning that most educational institutions, shops and factories closed earlier on this day or worked until lunchtime so that workers and students could attend the May Day festivities.

It was an important city event. Since the time of Peter, all Russian Tsars, or members of their families, had the custom of attending May Day festivities. In Moscow the governor general himself always had his own tent for such an occasion. For the rich participants, this outing was an occasion to show off their new, most fashionable outfits and expensive carriages. For others, it was simply a pleasant stroll at the beginning of the warm season. It should be noted that it had such a social significance, representatives of all classes met here and did not distance themselves from each other, at least not in any obvious way. Russian Tsars and family members also loved picnics, according to memoirs and surviving photographs. 

An important condition of European picnics, French and English, was the principle: do not cook anything, do not heat, do not cool, bring everything ready. In 1936, Hilda Leyel wrote in “The Ideal Picnic”, “The art of preparing cold dishes lies in choosing dishes that are better eaten cold than hot,” she wrote. This was a classic canon and an important rule of a European picnic. But the important Russian distinction and making of a Russian picnic, was the obligatory samovar, or rather, many samovars.  Yes, people went out into nature to enjoy spring and then summer, and to drink tea. As soon as the Moscow public began, for example, to regularly come to Tsaritsyno (a park in Moscow) for picnics, and the opening of the railway line greatly facilitated this, enterprising people immediately realized where the business was here. They came up with the idea of ​​renting out samovars with all of the necessary utensils.

Pretty soon, everyone who came for at least a day or even a few hours, had the opportunity to rent a samovar and have tea right there in the park. For those who did not want to rent a samovar, another option was available. Women who lived nearby, for example, Sokolniki, chose a nice place, decorated it as best they could, sometimes set up tables and benches, heated up a samovar and offered hot tea and even treats to those walking along the picturesque paths. Some had their own favorite and trusted women. And favorite samovars!

You could take food from “peddlers” ( small traders) or bring it with you, and that would definitely be a picnic. In addition, the concept of “a dacha” already existed in Russia. A dacha, known to many as a seasonal, second home, for a Russian is something completely special, like that very mysterious Russian soul and famous Russian nostalgia. At least, that’s what they write in classical Russian literature and that's our reputation in the world. A dacha is a special thing for all Russians. 

The everyday life and etiquette of the Russian summer resident required a very thoughtful approach to this sacred pastime and status. The etiquette of the summer resident’s image was of utmost importance. It was not only about the location of the summer residence, but also about a million other details, from dress codes to the way one approached the kitchen, the way food was served, and the important question if the rules of etiquette were less strict in the countryside compared to the city. 

It is crucial to understand that a “dacha” and a country estate, or manor (“pomestie”or “usadba”), were two very different things. If a manor is still a farm, then the whole idea of a dacha was that nothing like that could happen there. Of course, there could be a garden and even, in theory, a vegetable garden, but this was strictly for pleasure, not to provide or sell anything. Just for fun. However, life in a dacha is a lazy and unhurried life, with visits and picnics nearby. Picnics often led to acquaintances and even marriages. Reputation and etiquette details were of great importance.

Wealthy people had their own dachas, but in the 19th century, everyone could, or almost could, or could barely, try to rent something for the summer. Just a few could afford to rent both a city apartment and a dacha at the same time. So early in May, around large cities, the “big move” started, because everything was transported - all things and even furniture. In these dacha locations, their own life, their own rhythm and their own etiquette took place. Picnics fit well into the summer life of dacha owners. Those who did not have the opportunity to rent a dacha had to come to these dacha locations for a one-day picnic, of course, with a samovar. – By Kseniia Markova, 2025

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia