Place Settings Fit for King

His Majesty’s cover for dinner at the French Embassy, including an ashtray— “Right in front was the first wine glass, on which His Majesty’s place card was laid—so he would not have to bend over to read it. Other glasses were two more for white wine, one for red wine, and another, in the center, for the Romanee Conti, famed Burgundy vintage, of which 200 bottles were sent from Paris especially for this dinner.”

— Photo, Etiquipedia’s private library

This Table, Set For The King, 

Starts U. S. Experts Talking

Etiquette authorities, trying to determine how tables should be set for wining and dining royalty when King George VI and Queen Elizabeth visit the United States in June, are interested in this picture. It shows the cover set for His Majesty at a dinner given recently in the French embassy in London. Its especial interest is that it isn’t exactly what American authorities had in mind. The glasses, the turned-down silver and an ash tray caused most comment. Eyebrows weren’t raised at the number of glasses — but at their placing. 

It’s an old American custom to put glasses above and to the right of the knife — not above the service plate. At the dinner given by President M. Lebrun of France, and Mme. Lebrun, however, the water goblet was placed to the left front, near the entrée fork. Behind it came the champagne glass. Right in front was the first wine glass, on which His Majesty’s place card was laid—so he would not have to bend over to read it. Other glasses were two more for white wine, one for red wine, and another, in the center, for the Romanee Conti, famed Burgundy vintage, of which 200 bottles were sent from Paris especially for this dinner. 

The turned-down silver was a surprise in this country. Never, said one authority, is silver turned down. Glasses, perhaps —they might collect a little dust. A waiter will turn them up before serving starts. But the choicely-patterned silver? It can’t happen here. The ash tray is pointed out somewhat gleefully. It’s a long-needed concession to smokers, one authority explains. He points out that until a few years ago, ash trays would have appeared only at the end of the meal. — By Joan Durham, AP Feature Service Writer, 1939

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette of Seating and Socializing

The host and hostess are seated at opposite ends of one another at the table. (The example shows a rectangular table, however, this formula will work at a round table also.) If the Guest of Honor is a woman, she is seated at the host's right and her husband at the hostess' right. The second most important woman is seated across from the Guest of Honor, to the host's left and her spouse on the hostess' left. The remaining male and female guests are seated in between, with the remaining female guest seated at the left of the second most important woman and the remaining male guest seated to the right of the female Guest of Honor. To be fair, the word “important” can be relative to any given situation. If there is no “Guest of Honor” and the formal dinner is simply a get-together of friends, this seating arrangement works with a little creative thinking.

The Art of Socializing Graciously

A 2nd Debut Article from 2022!

From the most simple of societies to the most complex, the act of socializing with dining partners is the primary method of getting to know other humans and keeping relationships with them. It is so ingrained in our lives that the origin of the English word “companion” is the old Latin and French words that translated into English mean, “One who eats bread with another.”

We now live in a highly competitive society, and in a country that is increasingly becoming even more of a melting pot of nationalities, ethnicities and cultures than when the United States of America forged its beginnings. Foreign investments are reaching areas of our lifestyles that we had never envisioned they would. In our own country, we are competing with, attempting to do business with, and socializing with, cultures we have had little or no training at all in understanding.

An awareness of customs and the desire to familiarize oneself with the accepted ways of doing things in other countries and cultures can only enhance one's life personally and professionally. And again, the primary way of accomplishing this task easily is to break bread. In other words, “learn to dine comfortably with others by becoming aware of universally accepted social behavior at the table.”

Without studying or reading about other cultures or ethnic backgrounds of someone you are going to be dining with, one must use common sense to guide him/herself through the awkward first phases of meeting and dining together. When teaching my younger students how to develop good social skills I tell them to “put your best foot forward.” What I am really saying is, “put the other person first.” Making someone feel special is the fastest way to making them feel comfortable with you.

The following are simple guidelines for doing just that when entertaining, hosting, attending a dinner party, a cocktail reception, or any other type of function where one is meeting new people or entertaining a special guest or guests…

Receiving Lines

Not just for wedding receptions, but any time someone of importance is being honored or when hosting a large affair where introductions need to be made or even when having a small affair at which there will be several guests, protocol dictates that a receiving line is in order. The host and/or hostess, as well as the guest/s of honor should be stationed as close to the door as possible so these necessary introductions can be made and put everyone at ease right from the start. 

If the host and hostess are also needed to tend bar or pass hors d'oeuvres, one can remain at the door to greet while the other handles the food and beverages. If there is just one host or hostess for the party, a guest can be asked ahead of time to help out with these duties, to leave the host/hostess free to make introductions and direct the guests as to where to put coats, find beverages, and such.

Formal introductions leave some people stumped in this day and age of equality of the sexes and the tremendous number of women holding impressive titles and ranks in companies that were uncommon occurrences just thirty years ago. Just as holding doors open for women remains the socially proper thing to do, formal introductions put women at the top of the list, right under heads of state and royalty, when it comes to importance. 

Here are the do’s and don’ts of formal introductions:

When making an introduction, present the woman to the man. The man then rises, if he is not already standing, and slightly lifts, or tips, his hat if he is wearing one. (Note: It is a show of good manners for a man to remove his hat while in a restaurant or in a private home while a woman is free to leave her hat on.) Example: “Bob, I would like you to meet my good friend, Laura.” or “Bob Jones, I would like to introduce Laura Smith to you.”

It is always a gesture of respect to present younger people to those older than them, those with higher rank, those with a level of great importance (the mayor, a senator, the guest of honor, the CEO) or someone of religious importance.

It is not necessary for women to rise when being introduced to another woman unless the other woman fits any of the criteria above or the woman is obviously older. A young girl is charming when she rises as she is introduced to someone's grandmother. A “thirty-something” woman is ill-mannered to rise in faux deference to another woman. obviously also “thirty-something” and who carries no higher title, rank, or level of prestige.

It is more than appropriate to introduce yourself to others at social gatherings if the host and hostess are too busy, however, it is still their responsibility to do so.

If someone offers his/her hand to shake when being introduced, it is proper to accept the handshake. Hugs, as well as kisses, do not have to be accepted. An invasion of someone's body space is a social intrusion that do not need to feel uncomfortable acceptance of. If someone you makes a move to hug you, or kiss you, politely move in another direction or distract the person as best you can.

Seating Arrangements

Seating arrangements are not as complex as people suspect. There is a simple formula for seating groups from as little as six to as large as your table will accommodate. For very large parties, with several tables, the head table is seated with those of the greatest level of importance along with the host and hostess. The remaining tables should be seated in the manner that puts people together with others who they will most likely be compatible with or find the most interesting.

The following is the formula for seating at a formal dinner party of four couples:

The host and hostess are seated at opposite ends of one another at the table. (The example shows a rectangular table, however, this formula will work at a round table also.) If the Guest of Honor is a woman, she is seated at the host's right and her husband at the hostess' right. The second most important woman is seated across from the Guest of Honor, to the host's left and her spouse on the hostess' left. The remaining male and female guests are seated in between, with the remaining female guest seated at the left of the second most important woman and the remaining male guest seated to the right of the female Guest of Honor.

To be fair, the word “important” can be relative to any given situation. If there is no “Guest of Honor” and the formal dinner is simply a get-together of friends, this seating arrangement works with a little creative thinking.

Taking the places of honor to the right of the host/hostess can be the newest members of a group, the eldest in a group or even the friends who have traveled the farthest distance to attend the dinner. If the dinner is a formal family dinner, places of honor would be given to those oldest and then descend by age for the rest of the seating.— From The RSVP Institute of Etiquette’s “Social Graces Handbook,” by Maura J. Graber, 1992

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

DC Newcomers and Precedence

Should there be an impasse of gentlemen from the original 13 states, the poor dinner-giver either goes down in a faint or digs up the last census figures and seats them according to state population. — Public domain image of the original US 13 colonies which became the original 13 states of the United States.

 Hostesses Get Headaches At Capital Dinners Over Seating of Guests by Rank

(Editor's Note: Tyrannically ruled by convention, official dinner tables in Washington are more than just a family eating center. Precedence of rank holds full sway when it comes to seating our own and foreign government officials. In his primer for congressional newcomers, Eddy Gilmore of the Associated Press Washington Bureau surveys the situation and adds a bit of advice.)

WASHINGTON. (AP) Lucky is the capital newcomer who escapes unscathed the barbed wires of convention surrounding an official dinner table.

Just to show how serious it is, diplomatic relations have been strained between great nations because a visiting Mayor slid in ahead of a Grand Duke in the march to the dining room.

New Senators and Representatives who are mapping big entertainment offensives should remember that it's not the domestic guests but the diplomats who pack the real social dynamite.

How They Rate

Assuming the President or a foreign Sovereign won't be at the party, here is a precedence list with a minimum of etiquette mortality:

• Foreign ambassadors.
• The Chief Justice.
• The Vice President.
• Speaker of the House.
• Supreme Court Justices.
• Secretary of State.
• Foreign Ministers.
• Cabinet Members.
• Senators.
• Representatives.

The list extends to the near infinity of state assemblymen, third secretaries and visiting firemen, but if the dinner is going to be done up that brown, it's time to start a flanking movement aimed at capturing chefs and waiters.

Headache for Hostess

As innocent as it looks, even a dinner confined to Senators can produce a bombardment of headaches for the hostess.

Here, as elsewhere, everything is based on length of service. But recent landslides have brought a lot of lawmakers to the capital together. Confronted with such a group, the hostess should seat her guests according to the admission of their respective states into the Union.

Should there be an impasse of gentlemen from the original 13 states, the poor dinner-giver either goes down in a faint or digs up the last census figures and seats them according to state population.

Maybe the new arrival ought to chuck the whole business and give a fish fry on the Potomac. — By Eddy Gilmore, SantaAna Journal, 1936

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Wedding Etiquette for Repeat Brides

“Elizabeth Post would permit a white wedding dress on brides under 40 but no train, blusher veil or orange blossoms, which smack of virginity redux.” – Meghan Markles’s 2018 wedding veil would not have passed muster with Etiquipedia.

Etiquette Don’ts for Repeat of ‘I Do’s’ : Weddings: Should the bride wear white when tying the knot for the second or third time? Etiquette advisers say OK, but skip the blusher veil.

When it comes to I Do deja vu— and more than 800,000 American couples do annually, according to the Census Bureau— couples are often left in an etiquette lurch.

Most books and bridal magazines contain only a modicum of advice about “encore” engagements, the term used by professionals to avoid referring to his third wife or her eighth marriage. The bride and groom taking a second chance on marriage may be torn between what is considered proper— that is, if they can find the rules— and what they really want.

In “Emily Post on Second Weddings,” Elizabeth L. Post, Emily’s successor, writes, “Recently second weddings with all the fanfare of first weddings have become generally acceptable. Your decision depends more on what you are most comfortable doing than it is one of etiquette.”

There are a few dos and don’ts:

• Don’t mix orange blossoms and crow’s-feet.
• Don’t invite your son to a bawdy bachelor party.
• Do trick your uncooperative ex-spouse if necessary to get your children to your second wedding.

In “Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior,” author Judith Martin summarized in 1982 three basic types of altar events: the “Snicker-Proof Wedding,” in which everything is low- key; the “This Time We Know What’s What Wedding,” which is less formal and more fun; and the “I Got Cheated Last Time Wedding” for those who never had one with all the frills. Miss Manners recommends the second type.

In “Second Wedding Handbook,” New York free-lance writer Judith Slawson offers second thoughts on a second chance at happiness. Don’t try to redo your first wedding. Be flexible; suit yourselves.

One of the most frequently asked questions is whether the bride should wear white. The conventional attire for a repeat trip down the aisle is a pastel dress or suit with a hat, according to Miss Manners. But the attraction of a traditional wedding gown for the second-time bride is strong.

Elizabeth Post would permit a white wedding dress on brides under 40 but no train, blusher veil or orange blossoms, which smack of virginity redux. Slawson advises, “Wear a white wedding dress if you’re still fairly young” and childless. “If you had a large wedding the first time, think twice about white.” Her alternative suggestions include bright colors, secondhand clothes from the 1940s, Victorian dress or costumes.

Usually the bride and her mother plan a first wedding, whereas the second is up to the couple and their respective children. The bride and groom usually pay for the second wedding. Their parents may make a gift to them for part of it, but if they do a repeat on footing the entire bill, then all bets are off.

In a case where it is a second marriage for just one of the spouses, deference should be given to the one who has not been married.

The second time around, Slawson suggests, the mother of the bride could be given the role of hostess at the reception.

Instead of the bride’s father symbolically giving her away again, most consultants advise modifying the format. Post suggests having the bride’s children answer the ritual question.

There should be fewer attendants for a second ceremony, but they should include the children of both families. A grown son can serve as his father’s best man.

Post would bar any reference to the first marriage in the vows or toasts to avoid comparisons. But Slawson said touching on the past is permissible in a re-union, especially if one is widowed.

Gifts are not required at an encore wedding; that goes double for those who gave the first time. — Washington Post, 1992

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Spotlight on Maura J. Graber

  

 

Meet Etiquette Enthusiast, Teacher, Author, Historian and Etiquipedia© Site Editor and Founder, Maura J. Graber of 

The RSVP Institute of Etiquette

The Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia was an idea that took shape in late-2011 after an Etiquette Instructor Trainee was lamenting the fact that there wasn’t a free, online resource, where factual etiquette information could be found, along with the reasons behind the etiquette rules. Maura J. Graber decided then to start such a site. Beginning in 2012, Maura’s first posts were rather long, but there were only seven of them, as she was still focused on a personal etiquette blog, “The Etiquette Sleuth.” By 2013, she had tripled the number of posts. By 2016, she was posting hundreds of articles a year. Since 2020 she has posted many more articles and her goal is to post one new article every day, There are now close to 4,000 articles on the site.

Though Graber offers classes to all ages, working with teens and young adults is especially rewarding for her. She says that they are the most vulnerable to depression, peer pressure, and social media. She also loves to speak on proper table setting and antiques for the table. She is a popular speaker for universities, museums and historical groups. She also worked as a consultant for Seasons 1 & 2 of the Julian Fellowes’ show, “The Gilded Age” on HBO-Max

Below are links to just a few of Maura Graber’s articles on etiquette which you’ll find on Etiquipedia:

• Etiquette and Gracious Socializing 
• Pepper Spray Etiquette
• Savvy Hostess’ Entertaining Tips
• Etiquette, Regrets and the RSVP
• Q & A on Passing Food at the Table
• The Polite Thanksgiving Guest – 12 Tips
• Hosting Thanksgiving – 12 Top Tips
• Ten Tips on the Art of Small Talk

The following is a Q. & A. with Maura:

Along with teaching etiquette, Maura was the Table Top Spokesperson for a chain of 9 high-end department stores in Southern California in the mid to late 1990’s, traveling from store to store doing talks. By the time the chain merged with another chain of stores in 1999, expanding to 5 states, Maura decided her children were too young for her to be traveling as much as she would need to, so she continued her busy schedule of after-school etiquette classes throughout several counties and took on a role not only on-air, but producing news segments and reviews for a local PBS station. Her segments highlighted  philanthropic organizations and “feel-good stories.”

What was the impetus for starting your Etiquette business?

After working a few different jobs in high school and college, including as a part-time, Princess House Crystal consultant selling dining and entertaining wares, working in retail sales and also as a telephone operator, I took a position as a restaurant manager in Newport Beach, and got used to watching how people behaved and ate in such a public setting. It was eye-opening. I felt most comfortable selling women’s clothing and accessories though. I was quite good at dressing women, and soon opened my own boutique in 1984. By 1990, with a growing family, I was looking for an old-fashioned charm school but couldn’t find one anywhere, I decided to branch out again and opened my own etiquette school. I quickly became so busy teaching etiquette, I left the fashion business behind me within a few years.

Fun foods and odd utensils are always on the menu at Maura’s etiquette classes for kids.

What do you enjoy most about teaching etiquette?
I found out rather quickly that teaching others etiquette and good manners is very rewarding in a way that most other jobs and businesses are not. Knowing you have given someone social self-confidence and the right tools to navigate their ways throughout all of the societal pitfalls they will likely encounter, especially as teens and young adults, is extremely rewarding. I have also amassed a large collection of antique dining utensils and have written several etiquette history books, featuring the unusual utensils and their uses.

Maura’s latest book is available on Amazon.– In “Yesteryear… More of What Have We Here?” the etiquette authority, social historian, and collector of unusual dining implements, treats readers to a trip back in time through various unusual objects for dining and living, along with the etiquette and social tools that once made up an everyday life in Western society and many that still apply today. Curiosities spanning from prior to the Georgian era, Regency era, Victorian eras, the Gilded Age, throughout the Edwardian era, up until the Mid-20th Century, which describe in a fond clarity, not only how we once socialized, dined and lived, but how to entertain today using antiques and making simple but unique choices.  

Screenshot of Maura on PBS demonstrating and talking about special dining utensils for those with physical challenges, circa 2006.

What type of classes do you offer?

I offer very personalized, one-on-one classes, along with group classes for children and adults. My afternoon tea etiquette sessions are very popular, for all ages. I also offer classes via Zoom for clients who are overseas, though some people will also fly to Southern California to work with me.

What age group do you enjoy working with most? 
Teens to young adults are my favorite group to teach etiquette, though every student, aged 5 though to 85, is unique and special. 

Which are some of the older etiquette authors or authorities you enjoy reading? 
I love reading old books by Lillian Eichler, Letitia Baldridge, Amy Vanderbilt, Elizabeth Post and Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners, and of course, old newspaper and magazine articles on etiquette.

If you’d like to reach Maura, you can call her at 909-923-5650 or (inside the United States, 800-891-RSVP), you can visit her RSVP Institute of Etiquette website or email Maura at rsvpinstitute @gmail.com or etiquipedia @gmail.com

Talking etiquette at an evening program for the Ontario Museum of History and Art in 2017

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Tea Etiquette and Gracious Bachelors

You will need a covered sugar bowl filled with block sugar, a pretty, shallow dish for sliced lemon, with a lemon server on it... (these) may find a permanent place on this table.

Afternoon Tea and Unexpected Callers

The following suggestions are offered for those who have no maid or who live in bachelor apartments, and wish to extend their gracious courtesy in an informal way to unexpected callers. Some of the needful things are, first, a kettle, usually of brass, with a lamp for burning alcohol, so that the water may be boiled freshly and the tea made at once, without absenting yourself from your guests for any part of their call, except to bring in the plate of wafers, or the fresh water and any other articles not practicable to keep on the table. 

Of course, if you have a gas stove in a room near by, and all your needful things close at hand, you may do all the necessary work outside, in a brief time. But unless you can do it quickly, do not attempt it, for anything which savors of time and trouble for the hostess detracts from the guest’s enjoyment, and the pleasure of the guest is greatly enhanced by watching the process in the hands of a graceful hostess. If you have no table convenient to keep in readiness in your room, or you do not approve of the custom, you may easily have a table, light in weight and easy to lift, or one with a handle made expressly for this purpose, which may be fitted with the tea service and kept in some convenient place ready to be brought in at short notice. 

A covered sugar bowl filled with block sugar, a pretty, shallow dish for sliced lemon, with a lemon server on it, a plate or small metal tray under the lamp, a fancy bottle holding half a cup or more of alcohol, a small caddy for the tea, a tea ball with an extra cup to hold it when not in use, small sugar tongs, as many cups and saucers of your prettiest patterns as you will need, and spoons in the same proportion, may all find a permanent place on this table. If you prefer to have the tea steeped longer than is practicable with a ball, you may provide a teapot, since in this case, if there are many to be served, it will be convenient to put the tea in small bags made of thin muslin, which may be removed when fresh tea is to be made, with less trouble than when the tea is put directly in the pot, or when the tea ball is used and has to be emptied frequently. 

Milk and cream are not often served with afternoon tea, but as many persons do not enjoy the tea without one or the other, it will seem more hospitable to provide them. Do not omit the small bowl which will be so handy for the tea bags, or any portion which may be left, if a second cup is desired. Small hemstitched napkins of the finest linen, or, if your means will not permit this, the dainty paper napkins, will give your guest a measure of enjoyment far in excess of your labor in providing them. — Mary J. Lincoln, Copyright, 1901

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Etiquette of Kaiseki Ryori

Note the lack of a Western tradition of using serving utensils in one color and style. If you wish, of course, you can buy a set with many bowls, various plates and saucers, but this is not a requirement of good form.

 

Kaiseki Ryori

 

Kaiseki Ryori (会席料理) is an important part of Japanese dining etiquette. Translated from Japanese, it means "a meal served during a meeting." This style of Japanese cuisine, which is evident in the content of kaiseki ryori, is entirely original, which automatically increases the price of the meal. The art of “kaiseki” was shaped by several factors - most notably the culinary preferences of the Heian-period (794–1185) imperial aristocracy, samurai traditions, and everyday Japanese and Buddhist cuisine. “Kaiseki ryōri” gained its greatest popularity during the Edo period (1603–1868). The meal is typically served at large, traditional Japanese-style banquets held in rooms featuring Japanese-style décor. Guests sit on tatami mats, with three footed trays placed before each person: a main tray in the center and smaller trays on either side.

Over time, this style of Japanese cuisine became synonymous with the most exquisite dishes prepared for guests gathered to celebrate or simply to enjoy the pleasure of friendly company. “Kaiseki ryōri” also became an integral part of Japanese aesthetics, encompassing the appreciation of creatively crafted and beautifully presented food, refined tableware, the exquisite flavors and pairings of ingredients, and a skillfully composed menu - but above all, the joy of conversation and time spent together.

Kaiseki is often served at traditional Japanese hotels (ryokan) and high-end restaurants (ryōtei), but the most delicious and visually stunning examples of this style are found in Kyoto. Typically, kaiseki ryōri consists of 14 or more courses, each a work of art reflecting the chef's unique vision - from the carefully curated selection of dishes to their presentation on an individual low table for each guest.

The kaiseki ryori style must meet two fundamental requirements: -the serving vessels must be impeccably refined and elegant-crafted by renowned artisans - and reflect the highest standard of service; -there must be a balance of flavor, texture, and exquisite presentation, utilizing only fresh, seasonal ingredients - ideally of local origin. A specific menu is served for each season. Particular attention is paid to the presentation of each dish, often incorporating real leaves, flowers, and edible garnishes shaped to resemble plants or animals.

The Japanese place paramount importance on the visual presentation of a dish; the finest examples are regarded as works of art, and their creators earn the highest praise. Indeed, the concept of beauty - which lies at the heart of all classical art forms and the philosophy of the "Way" (“do”) - permeates every aspect of Japanese life, including cuisine, for classical national art has never been divorced from daily existence. 

Japanese chefs command special respect and are viewed as "poets" who create masterpieces with every dish they prepare.
Traditionally, a kaiseki ryōri meal includes “ichijū-sansai”, comprising four dishes: “ichijū” (miso soup) and three accompanying dishes: “yakimono” (grilled or roasted food), “nimono” (boiled or stewed food), and “namasu” (raw marinated fish). Rice prepared with seasonal ingredients is also an essential component. A sample “kaiseki ryōri” menu is as follows:

1. sakizuke – a small appetizer served at the beginning; 
2. gohan – white rice with seasonal additions; 
3. suimono – clear soup served in a small lidded lacquer bowl;
4. hassun – a selection of seasonal appetizers and side dishes that establish the seasonal theme (served on a tray with a diameter of 8 “sun” or approximately 24 cm); 
5. yuto – a lacquer vessel for hot drinking water; 
6. ko-no-mono – seasonal pickled vegetables accompanying the hassun; 
7. mukozuke – pickles or appetizers (served on the far side of the dining tray, while rice and soup in lidded lacquer bowls are placed on the near side); most commonly sashimi;
8. nimono – an assortment of vegetables and seafood simmered over low heat, served in individual bowls;
9. yakimono – grilled fish; 
10. takiawase – vegetables with meat, fish, or tofu, simmered separately; 
11. suzakana – a small dish to stimulate the palate, typically vegetables in vinegar; 
12. hiyashi-bachi – chilled vegetables, sometimes with shrimp or crab; served only in summer;
13. naka-choko - like suzakana, a dish designed to cleanse the palate, typically a sour soup; 
14. shiizakana - the main course; fried or simmered beef, poultry, or fish; 
15. tome-wan - the final soup, usually miso soup with various additions such as shallots, tofu, seafood, mushrooms, etc.;
16. mizumono - a seasonal dessert: fruit or ice cream.

Among the most popular types of kaiseki ryori, the following stand out: tofu-kaiseki (dishes based on tofu, complemented by various vegetables) and soba-kaiseki (featuring various preparations of buckwheat soba noodles). As a rule, the dishes are vegetarian, although kaiseki can include fish and meat.
Kaiseki ryori is one of the most expensive cuisines in the world. Restaurants serving this style of cuisine offer private rooms for diners -featuring either tatami mats or chairs - that often overlook a Japanese garden.

                                                            

By contributor, Elena Gavrilina-Fujiyama especially for Etiquipedia. Elena is a specialist in Japanese protocol and etiquette, and European social etiquette. The founder of the project Etiquette748, Elena is also a member of the National Association of Specialists of Protocol. She authored the best-selling book “Japanese Etiquette: Ancient Traditions and Modern Rules” after living in Japan for over 20 years. Elena recently was awarded the Diploma of the World Prize “Woman of the Russian World” in the category “Entrepreneurship” (Japan). The theme of the 2024 award is “Preservation and strengthening of the traditional family values.” 

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Treatment of Servants

“If you have only one servant, speak of her by her Christian name; if you have more, talk of them by the names of their offices, such as nurse, cook, housemaid, footman, etc...”

 

SERVANTS

Do not imagine that you will increase your importance by hauteur to your own or to other people’s servants.

At the house of your friend always preface your request to a servant by the words, “I would thank you for so and so;” and do not omit the usual courtesy on receiving it.

Do not scold your servants; you had better turn them away at once. When they need reproof, give them it in a calm, dignified, and firm manner; but on no account, if you can possibly avoid it, find fault with them in the presence of strangers, even though they should let fall the tray with your best set of china upon it.

If you have only one servant, speak of her by her Christian name; if you have more, talk of them by the names of their offices, such as nurse, cook, housemaid, footman, etc..., but always address them by their Christian names.— True Politeness, A Handbook of Etiquette for Ladies, By An American Lady, 1847

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia