Gilded Age Swell Dinner Etiquette

Two different Victorian silver orange servers. One holds a half of an orange with two silver “pins” on chains. The other has silver “spikes” with which to twist the half of the orange onto to hold in place — “Pears and apples are peeled with a silver knife, cut in quarters and eaten with the fingers. Grapes should be eaten from behind the half-closed hand, the stones and skins falling into the fingers unobserved and thence to the plate. Oranges are eaten with a spoon. Salad is eaten with a fork, but needs a knife to cut large leaves that have not been divided before serving. Cheese is eaten with a fork, though soft cheeses are spread on a bit of cracker or bread and conveyed to the mouth by the fingers.”

One may be refined and elegant, yet unless continually given over to a round of social entertaining, may find one’s self at a loss when invited to some swell dinner where the latest fads are observed and more ceremonious etiquette required than for informal affairs just among the family. On elegant tables each plate is accompanied by two large silver knives, a small silver knife and fork for fish, a small fork for oysters, a tablespoon for soup and three large forks.

The napkin is folded in the center with a piece of bread upon it. As the courses are served, the knives and forks and spoons that have been used, are removed with the plate. Fish should be eaten with a silver fork, and if full of bones, needs the use of the knife, as well. For sweet breads, cutlets, roast beef, etc., the knife is also necessary, but for croquettes, rissoles, bondies à la Reine, timbales and dishes of that class, the fork is required.

When dessert is reached, everything save the tablecloth and floral decorations, is removed. A dessert plate with a small silver spoon, a dessert spoon and fork and sometimes a combination fork and spoon for ices, are placed before each guest. Pears and apples are peeled with a silver knife, cut in quarters and eaten with the fingers. Grapes should be eaten from behind the half-closed hand, the stones and skins falling into the fingers unobserved and thence to the plate. Oranges are eaten with a spoon. Salad is eaten with a fork, but needs a knife to cut large leaves that have not been divided before serving. Cheese is eaten with a fork, though soft cheeses are spread on a bit of cracker or bread and conveyed to the mouth by the fingers.

Salt-cellars are now placed at each plate, and it is not improper to take salt with the knife. If sorbets are served before the game, a dessert spoon accompanies them, but it is not among the original number placed on the table The small after dinner coffee spoon is used with the tiny cups of the black beverage that concludes all dinners. The spoon is the most dangerous implement of the dinner, so far as its correct usage is concerned. Soup is always taken taken from the side and is eaten noiselessly. To push the spoon into the mouth either end first or otherwise, is decidedly vulgar. — Philadelphia Times, 1894

Several different Victorian silver orange servers Were patented in the Gilded Age. This one from 1895 holds a half of an orange with two silver “pins” on chains.

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Old Etiquette "Don'ts" for Dining, That Are Still Good Today

It is always a law of politeness to incommode one's self rather than incommode others...

Don't leave your knife and fork on your plate when you send it for a second supply. (This rule is disputed by the English. The logic of the question, however, proves the correctness of the rule for it is not easy to place food up on the plate already occupied by a knife and fork. It is always a law of politeness to incommode one's self rather than incommode others, so the problem of what to do with your dinner tools should be your own problem, rather than that of the hosts. The handles of knives and forks are leaded so that the blades or tines will not soil the cloth when rested upon the table. Or, one may with a little skill hold his knife and fork without awkwardness.)

Don't reject bits of bone or other substances by spitting them back into the plate. Quietly eject them upon your fork, holding it to your lips and place them up on the plate. Fruit stones may be removed with the fingers.

Don't trowel butter across an unbroken slice of bread.

Don't bite your bread: break it with your hand.

Don't trowel butter across an unbroken slice of bread.

Don't stretch across another's plate to reach anything.

Don't apply to your neighbor to pass articles when the servant is at hand.

Don't finger articles: don't play with your napkin or your goblet or your fork or with anything.

Don't mop your face or beard with a napkin. Draw it across your lips neatly.

Don't forget that the lady sitting at your side...

Don't turn your back to one person for the purpose of talking with another; don't talk across the one seated next to you.

Don't forget that the lady sitting at your side has the first claim upon your attention. A lady at your side must not be neglected, whether you have been introduced to her or not.

Don't talk when your mouth is full.

–From “Don't: A Manual of Mistakes and Improprieties more or less prevalent in Conduct and Speech,” by Oliver Bell Bunce 1884

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia