Proper Etiquette Requires Response

What was on the fashionable Gilded Age or Victorian Era dinner sideboard? See the image above— No R.S.V.P. is used on the dinner card, for every one knows that a dinner is a solemn occasion, calling for the utmost punctiliousness in etiquette. The invitation sent out two weeks before the dinner, demands an immediate answer, on account of allowing the hostess to invite another guest in case you decline, and the engagement once made, the same rule holds good that maintains in following your partner's lead in trumps; only sudden death releases you. 
— photo source, Pinterest 

English Dinner Ideas 

The Latest Conventionalities Dictated by Fashion

If you would entertain according to the latest London idea, says the New York Commercial Advertiser, you will send out for a dinner an engraved card, bearing the formula: Mr. and Mrs.______ request the pleasure of company at dinner on at _____ o’clock, with the address in the lower left hand corner. No R.S.V.P. is used on the dinner card, for every one knows that a dinner is a solemn occasion, calling for the utmost punctiliousness in etiquette. 

The invitation sent out two weeks before the dinner, demands an immediate answer, on account of allowing the hostess to invite another guest in case you decline, and the engagement once made, the same rule holds good that maintains in following your partner's lead in trumps; only sudden death releases you. It will be noticed that the invitation reads Mr. and Mrs. request the pleasure, etc... In balls, concerts, everything but a dinner, the invitation goes out in the name of the hostess only. The form may be engraved on a card, a folded sheet, or for small dinners be written on the sheet by the hostess or her secretary. 

Unpunctuality is without excuse at a dinner, and in some London houses the guests go into the dining-room promptly at the hour, whether the party is complete or not, and, as a rule, at such houses there are no delinquents. In London, too, thanks to the universal use of cabs, a woman, even if she keep no carriage of her own; is not supposed to require any preparation for entering the reception-room, and a maid relieves her of her wrap in the hall without showing her to any room. 

Of course, the lady enters the room first, as the old custom of coming in arm in arm has quite gone out. In the first arrivale are strangers, they are introduced, and the hostess also introduces the gentleman to the lady he is to take into diuner, if they are strangers. Young ladies are not invited with their parents to formal dinners, and it is usually arranged to have an equal number of ladies and gentlemen among the guests, though often a man may be included who has no one to take in. 

Following the usual custom, the host, when dinner is announced, leads the way with the lady guest of honor, the hostess coming down last of all with the gentleman of most importance. If the dinner is large, the hostess may introduce the gentlemen to the ladies they are to take in a short time before the announcement. If the company is small, she says simply, “Mr. H., will you please take in Miss R. ?” and the name at the places seat the guests. Dinner à la Russe is served in London at fashionable houses with everything carved off the table by servants. Even the soup tureen is placed on the sideboard. In the matter of wines, sherry is served after soup, hock with the oysters, champagne is handed round with the first entrée, and may be continued through dinner, and placed with other wines before the host when dessert time arrives. 

Occasionally, a bowl of rose water is handed round, into which guests dip their fingers, wiping them on their own serviettes. When the dessert has been handed round,  the servants leave the room, and when it is finished the hostess must catch the eye of the lady sitting by the host, and making a slight inclination, rise and stand near the door, which one of the gentlemen holds open, until all her guests have passed through. Coffee is then served in the drawing-room to the gentlemen. No other refreshments are served, except the fashionable liqueurs, which are brought round directly after the coffee, though few ladies take them. English hospitality provides a tray of wine in the hall-room where the wraps are left, to be offered as a stirrup-cup when the guests depart at 10:30 or 11 o’clock. —Mercury News, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette When Royalty Dines

The finger bowls for the fruit or dessert course, currently being used for Royal dinners at Buckingham Palace.

Meal at Which the Ordinary Guest is Bound to Be Uncomfortable

Dinner is the only meal at which the royal guests are expected to appear, when the King of England sits in the center of one side of the table, as is his custom at home, says a well known writer. Etiquette used to demand that only the royalties should be provided with menus, but this custom is not invariably observed at the present time. 

It is still “de rigueur” that there should be no finger bowls on the table, a custom dating from Jacobite days, when the partisans of the Stuarts used to pass their glasses across the finger bowls before drinking, which was their way of toasting “the King over the water.” 

Should the royal guests be in mourning, every other guest must appear in mourning of the same degree, and of course no one must dream of leaving before the royalties have retired. When the King is accompanied by the Queen the men must wear knee breeches and silk stockings, but not so when the King is alone.

Another curious item of etiquette is that neither the Queen nor the Princess of Wales must ever be entertained by a bachelor. I have never heard whether it is permissible for the King or the Prince to be entertained by a maiden lady. The King, though not liking long dinners, has a keen appreciation of what is good in eating and drinking, in other things. On at least two occasions he has bestowed the M. V. O. (Member of the Victorian Order) on his host's chef in acknowledgment af the satisfactory nature of his cooking. 

This order was originated by King Edward and has frequently done duty. Doubtless it has made its recipients extremely happy, but it has come to be regarded with much amusement by the King's intimates.

On one occasion it was bestowed on the mayor of some little foreign town where his Majesty had been detained in order to listen to some tedious, though complimentary, speechifying. Speaking of the incident that same evening, the King said of the mayor: “I didn't know what to do with him, so I gave him the M. V. O.” “And served him —well right!” exclaimed one of the listeners, at which his Majesty laughed as heartily as anybody. — Sausalito News, 1910

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia