Mid-20th C. Finger Bowl Etiquette

Above is a selection of antique picks and forks for crab legs and lobster, along with a pâté spreader and an individual caviar knife.– “When one has eaten lobster, the finger bowl is quite necessary. Usually a slice of lemon is served with the finger bowl of warm water, for lemon rubbed over the fingers will take away the unpleasant fishy odor.”

• Finger bowls are not often used, but one needs to know what to do when a finger bowl is provided. 
• At very formal dinner parties, hotel-dining rooms, and with sea-food dinners, it is brought to the table before the dessert.
• At the formal dinner party the finger bowl arrives on the dessert plate, a small doily under it, and the dessert fork and spoon resting on each side of the bowl. When it comes to the table, the guest removes the silver, putting the fork at the left of the plate, the spoon at the right. Then he lifts the bowl and doily from the plate and sets them on the left side of the plate.
• The proper way to use the finger bowl is to dip the tips of your fingers in the water, rub them over your lips if you like, then wipe both your fingers and your lips with the napkin. Do it as inconspicuously as possible. 
• When one has eaten lobster, the finger bowl is quite necessary. Usually a slice of lemon is served with the finger bowl of warm water, for lemon rubbed over the fingers will take away the unpleasant fishy odor.

– From Emily R. Dow’s 1957, “Brooms, Buttons and Beaux”

🦞Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Ignorance and Finger Bowls

 

Another patented design for a new finger bowl, from Christmas of 1900 — “ Like most Americans, he hesitated to own that he did not know everything, but while counting his change he said shyly: “Two is enough, I think.”  He was not the first who had failed in understanding the finger-bowl mystery.”

Ignorance Cleared Up in the Finger Bowl Section of the Shop 

A man who had heard either of the Oriental fashion of pouring rose water on the fingers after a meal, or else of the French style, not very generally, adopted in this country, of passing around a large bowl of rose water, into which each guest dips his napkin and wipes his fingers therewith, went into a well-known china shop the other day and selected, and paid for, two finger-bowls.Like most Americans, he hesitated to own that he did not know everything, but while counting his change he said shyly: “Two is enough, I think.” 

“Certainly,” said the saleswoman, “if you have but one person beside yourself at the table.” “But I want these for a dinner party,” he said, “one at each end of the table!” “And one tumbler at each end of the table, too?” she asked, not pertly, but gently. “Why, no,” he said, light breaking in upon him. “I want —well, I only want four or five more, but I'll take a dozen. What a fool I am!” Before he went out he heard enough stories of queer blunders to convince him that he was not the first who had failed in understanding the finger-bowl mystery. — Boston Transcript, 1888

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

12 Steps for Correct Dinner Tables

        Of course, every hostess knows now that the tray is no longer used in serving and that the servant holds only a folded napkin to take its place. She knows also that only one plate must be brought to the table or taken away from it at a time.

The Young Housekeeper says that she finds there is often confusion in the minds of her confreres about the proper way to set a table. Once, she says, two sisters quarreled as to whether the edges or the backs of the knives should be turned toward the plates and did not speak to each other during an entire dinner-party, to the great embarrassment of the guests. For these reasons she gives here the rules for setting the table: 

1. Put the knives to the right of the plate with their edges turned toward it; with these go the spoons, beginning with the soup spoon and ending with the tiny coffee spoon, if coffee is served at the table. 
2. The forks are placed at the left of the plate with their prongs turned upward. 
3. The glasses are placed near the points of the knives, while the napkins go to the left of the plates. 
4. Usually at dinner a piece of bread is folded within the napkin. 
5. At a dinner or luncheon no guest is ever left without a plate before him. As the serving man or woman removes the plate of a course with one hand with the other he places another plate before the diner. 
6. Meats are now usually served from a side table and are passed by the servant, as are the vegetables. 
7. The only things which are placed upon the table aside from the candles, flowers and tiny other decorations there may be, are such things as olives, bon-bons, nuts, etc... 
8. In serving dessert a plate is placed before the guest on which is a finger-bowl resting on a doily. The doily and finger-bowl are removed by the guest and placed before him and the dessert is then brought on in individual dishes or glasses which are set upon the plate. 
9. Olives are always taken with the fingers and not with a spoon, so are candies and lump sugar and frequently salted nuts. In fact, the fingers are used whenever it is possible in order to do away with a multiplicity of implements. 
10. A competent man or maid can serve eight guests, but that is about all that can be properly attended to by one person. 
11. Of course, every hostess knows now that the tray is no longer used in serving and that the servant holds only a folded napkin to take its place. She knows also that only one plate must be brought to the table or taken away from it at a time. 
12. Coffee is usually served after dinner in the drawing-room, the hostess pouring it from a pot into the little cups,  a servant passing sugar — and cream for the vandals— with it. 

Those rules are so simple that there is probably no one left in the country who does not know them, but lest there should be even one person not informed on these subjects she writes them down here.— Stockton Independent, 1915 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Royal Finger Bowl

Above: The finger bowls for the fruit or dessert course, currently being used for royal dinners at Buckingham Palace.— These early 19th century bowls were originally known as ‘wine rinsers’ and, occasionally, ‘wine coolers’. They were designed to rinse one’s wine glass in between the serving of various wines at a multi-course, formal dinner. A rinser would be placed within reach of each diner, filled 1/4 to 1/3 of the way up the bowl, with the coldest water possible, for rinsing and/or cooling a glass. Like miniature Monteith bowls, the wine glass would be inverted into the water. The stem of the glass would rest there in the water, until the next wine was poured, hence the “lips” on either side for resting the stems of the glasses. Theses bowls are sitting upon small, cocktail-sized napkins, placed atop the plate for the dessert or fruit course, along with the utensils for the course. It is more common to see a doily accompanying the finger bowl, however the word “doily” once referred to any small piece of woven linen. In either case, these should not be used to wipe or dry one’s hands. They are merely “seats” for the finger bowls once they are moved from the plate to the table.

—Photo source, “For the Royal Table: Dining at the Palace”

It is said to be a point of etiquette that when a member of the royal family dines, only the royal guest is supplied with a finger-bowl. The origin of this custom is perhaps not generally known, and is both curious and interesting. In the early days of the present dynasty, it was a matter of doubt who was loyal, and, when the toast of “The King” was given, all the Jacobites, as a matter of conscience, secretly passed their glasses over any water that happened to be near generally the finger-bowl. This action signified that the person so doing drank his toast to“the King over the water” —the exiled Stuart. When this became known the Court made a decree that no water was to be within reach of any of the guests, and singularly enough this rule holds till to-day. — The Weekly Calistogan, 1902

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Table Novelties

 

It would be possible to duplicate this arrangement by combining two sizes of bowls already in possession in these days, when many glass closets show shelves well-stocked in this line. 

Many asparagus servers do not serve satisfactorily to the purposes for which they are designed. It remains to be seen if this will. It certainly has a plausible appearance.

A Floral Finger Bowl and One More Sort of Asparagus Dish

Housekeepers will be glad of a look at the two novelties shown. The double finger bowl is a simple arrangement of two bowls, one inside the other, the larger one holding a little water, enough to moisten the few flowers needed to give the upper and actual finger bowl the appearance of resting in a wreath. 

It would be possible to duplicate this arrangement by combining two sizes of bowls already in possession in these days, when many glass closets show shelves well-stocked in this line.


The second novelty is an asparagus rack for serving that rather difficulty-handled vegetable, with a sauce boat at each end, in which may be offered respectively, the plain melted butter and white sauce served with the course.


Manufacturers seem weary of offering improvements and suggestions in the way of asparagus dishes, tongs, forks, and spoons. Many of them do not serve satisfactorily to the purposes for which they are designed. It remains to be seen if this will. It certainly has a plausible appearance. — The New York Times, 1894

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Proper Use of the Finger Bowl

For less formal use, the finger bowl is set up on a doily on the dessert plate and is removed with its doily and set at one side to wait until needed. It is bad form to pass a finger bowl without a plate and doily underneath it. The latter should never be omitted, though it is sometimes done ignorantly.

We have all laughed at the story of the country guest who drank from his finger bowl, and his hostess, to put him at ease, followed suit. It would scarcely seem possible in these days for such a mistake to occur, but many well bred people are uncertain as to finger bowl etiquette. Finger bowls are now used at every meal. At breakfast, they are sometimes on the table with the fruit plates and removed with the doily to the side. In some families they are only used with the fruit course; and in others, fresh ones are passed at the close of the meal, after the breakfast plate is removed. 

For lunch or dinner, the finger bowl is passed at the close of the meal; though occasionally it is used if grape-fruit in the rinds is a first course. And in formal families, where servants are trained never to have a vacant space in front of the guest, except just before the dessert course, when the table is brushed, a finger bowl on its plate is set down in front of each guest at the other hand. For less formal use, the finger bowl is set up on a doily on the dessert plate and is removed with its doily and set at one side to wait until needed. It is bad form to pass a finger bowl without a plate and doily underneath it. The latter should never be omitted, though it is sometimes done ignorantly.


A finger bowl doily may be as plain or as elaborate as the taste of the hostess and her pocketbook dictate. For ordinary use, those of fine linen or damask, embroidered with a simple scallop and with the initials of the hostess at one side, are very nice. The popular crocheted doilies are also liked for steady wear, or those in Madeira embroidery. Sheer lace doilies, or heavier ones of fine Cluny, Russian lace, or combinations of filet and eyelet embroidery on fine linen, are in best taste.


When the finger bowl is passed by itself, it is allowed to remain on the doily on the plate; when it is passed on the dessert plate, the bowl and doily are removed together. A finger bowl doily should about cover the center of the plate and must be spotless and well laundered. The fingers should never be wiped on it. A finger bowl is filled with clear, cold water, to a little more than a third of its depth. It can have a slice of lemon in it, a rose geranium, or other scented green leaf. Lemon verbena is delightful in season. Occasionally, a single flower of those used in the table decorations, floats in the finger bowl. Nasturtium blossoms are especially effective. 

If you have not enough finger bowls to go around, better do without them. One bowl shared by two persons is absolutely impermissible. Do not feel it necessary to take a bath with your finger bowl. Dipping the tips of the fingers in the water or rubbing them over the scented leaf, should be all that is needed for a dainty eater. Some well bred persons run their moistened fingers over their lips, but its propriety is a mooted question. Dry the fingers on the napkin unobtrusively. — The New York Times, May, 1909

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Stupidity and Etiquette

The objectionable features of the after-dinner finger-bowl arise principally in the stupid idea that they add to the elegance of the table, as much as does an épergne, and from the other fact that those using them, in order to do homage to the host, who has provided them with much récherché utensils, deem it incumbent on themselves to perform an elaborate after-dinner toilet. —The New York Times, February 1880

FINGER-BOWLS

The objectionable features of an after-dinner toilet

The subjects of finger-bowls, and mouth-cleansers are apparently again agitating the minds of the diners-out. Quite a long time ago, in the Household columns, an opinion was advanced in regard to after-dinner ablutions. Considered as a matter of dinner etiquette, it may be roundly asserted that finger washing after dinner is really an over refinement, and rather disagreeably suggestive than otherwise. If this system of cleansing the hands were pushed a l’outrance, we might require that the servants between the different courses, should go through the same operation, for a good many doubtful thumbs concealed under dingy cotton gloves might be the better for it. Practically considered, however, finger-bowls after dinner are rather useful than ornamental. 

Possibly it is too much for the latter cause that they are used. There are certain fruits which cannot be eaten without sticking the fingers. Confectionery — marron glacé and such things — when partaking of, does make the fingers feel uncomfortably. It is, then, perfectly legitimate to use a finger-bowl and small napkin; even further use may be made of the bowl by dipping the end of the napkin in the water and applying it to the lips. Such as are masculine, with mustaches, find such use of the finger-bowl is comforting to a degree.

All the trouble about it is in the display. Why do people who give dinners, insist on having such highly decorative small-sized hand basins at their tables? The simpler, the less obtrusive they are, the better. In fact, when introduced, they should be brought in last, just as the curtain falls on the dinner, not advanced while the play is going on. Those who use these finger-bowls are often at fault in the way they employ them. They make too much of a business of it. They repeat, on a minor scale, the tubbing process. 

The best table manners are those which are the most quiet. If there is any one thing more uncomfortable than any other, it is to hear your neighbor at the table swishing away, scrubbing his hands, and flicking his napkin around as if it were a jack-towel on a kitchen door. All you have to do is dip your fingers in the water, but you must be a very clumsy feeder if the palms of your hand are sullied; then the business is over. You may, before you begin, dip your napkin in the water and wipe your mouth. But the use of that extra cup inside of the bowl is to be inveighed against as a disgusting thing. No screen made with the hands avails to hide this repulsive act. 

There is something horrible in the idea of one’s rinsing out their mouth at dinner, which recalls the toothbrush or the dentist’s chair. The act of gurgling, and the final expulsion of the fluid, is simply nauseating. This filthiness was never intended, as the usage of the smaller glass. What it was put there for was to wash the outside of the mouth only. The nasty use of it may be called one of the false developments of civilization, and should be held up to scorn. As it is a temptation in the way of the ignorant, it would be wiser to abandon the small glass entirely, and then no mistakes could be made. 

Unusual things at a dinner table are not to be recommended to be recommended; nevertheless there is an Eastern custom, sometimes used in the south of France and in Spain, derived undoubtedly, from the Moors, which is not so much out of the way. At the conclusion of a dinner a servant presents to each guest a large copper basin, which he holds in one hand while with the other he pours from a large metal vessel, which has a spout with a small aperture, a thin stream of water. A very little water, without splashing falls on the fingers of the guest, who then uses his napkin, or takes one from another servant who follows. It is the parade of the thing, however, which renders it objectionable, though it is sensible enough. 

The objectionable features of the after-dinner finger-bowl arise principally in the stupid idea that they add to the elegance of the table, as much as does an épergne, and from the other fact that those using them, in order to do homage to the host, who has provided them with much récherché utensils, deem it incumbent on themselves to perform an elaborate after-dinner toilet. —The New York Times, February 1880

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Using Napkins and Napkin Rings

It seems that Miss Manners “has survived into a world where people believe that napkin rings are useless but decorative items to be put out on the company table. Of course there are always fresh napkins out for company, which is why napkin rings were strictly an informal, family device that would be considered ludicrous at a dinner party.” — 

A little over 100 years earlier from when this article was written, a gilded age design for a combination napkin ring, menu holder and bud vase was patented.

— Photo source, Etiquipedia library

The Finer Points of Correct Manners 

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Qualms were a sensation unknown to Miss Manners. If you invariably do everything right, there is never any occasion for that sudden "whoops" that starts a downhill slide of misgivings.

So it was rather a shock for Miss Manners to experience a slight semblance of this feeling in regard to, of all things, a dinner-table practice. Miss Manners' dinner table is not, as you can imagine, lax. But twice in a week, different people had expressed shock upon discovering that at the Miss Manners family dinner table, napkin rings are used in the traditional way. That is to say, each member of the family has a different napkin ring (in this case, the designs are different, but it is also customary to have similar rings with identifying names or initials), replaces it on the napkin after a meal, and thus is able to receive the same napkin for use at the next meal.

"Do you mean to say," each of her interlocutors had asked with widened eyes and mouths, "that you don't have fresh napkins at every meal?"

Well, yes, that is what Miss Manners had meant, if not what she had necessarily meant to blab. Just as ordinary households have the sheets and towels changed once a week (not twice a day, as fastidious tycoons with full-time laundresses are said to demand, since tycoons require afternoon naps on fresh sheets to soften the stress of all that money), ordinary households have the napkins changed every few days, barring accidents or finger-food orgies.

Or so Miss Manners had thought. It was the expressions of surprise that prompted her qualms. Are other people doing a load of napkins every day, one for each meal that each member of the family takes at home?

Since Miss Manners agrees that in an ideal world there would be no recycling of used napkins, ought she to be spending her time attending to the home question rather than the world's etiquette problems?

Not really. The world of etiquette is not unfamiliar with compromise and trade-offs, and Miss Manners can live with recycled napkins in order to have time for doing other things, and in order not to create a water shortage.

It was only later that Miss Manners discovered the real meaning of those questions.

It seems that she has survived into a world where people believe that napkin rings are useless but decorative items to be put out on the company table.

Of course there are always fresh napkins out for company, which is why napkin rings were strictly an informal, family device that would be considered ludicrous at a dinner party.

But it seems that there are also now fresh napkins out for each family meal - not because household laundry has increased, but because "napkin" has come to mean something made out of paper. Cloth napkins are thought to be too much trouble in a busy modern household.

Miss Manners urges a revival of the daily use of cloth napkins, along with the labor-saving napkin rings. Contrary to anti-etiquette propaganda, various prematurely abandoned tableware devices were not invented in order to put sensible people to unnecessary expense and trouble. On the contrary.

For example, finger bowls have survived only where they are least needed - at formal dinners, where there is little likelihood of finger food being served.

The effete versions on doilies, with floating rose petal, to be put to one side untouched by the diner, disguise the fact that finger bowls properly serve the purpose of a moist towelette in a package.

Salad knives have pretty much passed out of use (but not at Miss Manners' table), but it continues to be impossible to cut a wedge of lettuce or tomato with the side of a fork.

In regard to napkin-ring usage, Miss Manners has been asked whether it isn't disgusting to reuse a napkin. Not if you also use another quaint old tradition that has also fallen into disuse. Table manners.— By Judith Martin, Miss Manners, 1989

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette After “Sweets Course”

The French ‘Sweets Course’ is known as the ‘Dessert Course’ in the USA, and the ‘Pudding Course’ in the U.K. Above is a vintage British, double-layered, boxed set of silver plated, pudding forks, pudding spoons and a serving fork and spoon.
——————————————
“Just at the close of dinner, after ice cream, pie or pudding has been disposed of and when fruit is about to be served, a dessert plate, with doily and finger bowl upon it is placed before each guest ...”

The Embroidered Doily and Finger Bowl 

That fashionable little embroidered doily is not meant for use. It is laid over the fruit dessert plate and serves as a mat for the finger bowl, which is placed upon it. Just at the close of dinner, after ice cream, pie or pudding has been disposed of and when fruit is about to be served, a dessert plate, with doily and finger bowl upon it is placed before each guest, who removes the finger bowl and the doily and places them at the left of the plate. The finger bowl contains a little water and a bit of lemon. After dipping the fingers in the bowl, they are dried on the dinner napkin, or a regular fruit napkin, provided for that purpose. —San Diego Bee, 1887

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

More Gilded Age Etiquette Humor

During the Gilded Age, much humor was made in newspapers and magazines regarding the niceties of fine dining and wealth. Especially, those in the royal palaces and grand manor houses of the aristocracy and monarchies in Great Britain and Europe, all while a sham aristocracy was growing among the titans of industry in America.
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“The custom of drinking out of the finger bowl, though not entirely obsolete, has been limited to the extent that good breeding does not permit the guest to quaff the water from his finger bowl unless he does so prior to using it as a finger bowl. Thus, it will be seen that social customs are slowly but surely cutting down and circumscribing the rights and privileges of the masses.”

Valuable Suggestions as to the Use of the Napkin and Finger Bowl

It has been stated, and very truly, too, that the law of the napkin is but vaguely understood. It may be said, however, on the start, that customs and good breeding have uttered the decree that it is in poor taste to put the napkin in the pocket and carry it away. The rule of etiquette is becoming more and more thoroughly established, that the napkin should be left at the house of the host or hostess after dinner. There has been a good deal of discussion, also, upon the matter of folding the napkin after dinner, and whether it should be so disposed of, or negligently tossed into the gravy boat. 

If, however, it can be folded easily, and without attracting too much attention and prolonging the session for several hours, it should be so arranged, and placed beside the plate, where it may be easily found by the hostess, and returned to her neighbor from whom she borrowed it for the occasion. If, however, the lady of the house is not doing her own work, the napkin may he carefully jammed into a globular wad and fired under the table, to convey the idea of utter recklessness and pampered abandon. The use of the finger bowl is also a subject of much importance to the bon ton guest who gorges himself at the expense of his friends.

The custom of drinking out of the finger bowl, though not entirely obsolete, has been limited to the extent that good breeding does not permit the guest to quaff the water from his finger bowl unless he does so prior to using it as a finger bowl. Thus, it will be seen that social customs are slowly but surely cutting down and circumscribing the rights and privileges of the masses. At the Court of Eugenie, the customs of the table were very rigid, and the most prominent guest of H. R. H. was liable to get the G.B. if he spread his napkin on his lap and cut his egg in two with a carving knife. The custom was that the napkin should he hung on one knee and the egg busted at the big end and scooped out with a spoon. 

A prominent American at her table one day, in an unguarded moment, shattered the shell of a soft boiled egg with his knife, and while prying it apart, both thumbs were erroneously jammed into the true inwardness of the fruit with so much momentum, that the juice took him in the eye, thus blinding him and maddening him to such a degree that he got up and threw the remnants into the bosom of the hired man plenipotentiary, who stood near the table, scratching his ear with a tray. As may readily be supposed, there was a painful interim, during which it was hard to tell for five or six minutes whether the prominent American or the hired man would come out on top, but at last the American with the egg in his eye got the ear of the high priced hired man in among his back teeth, and the honor of our beloved flag was vindicated. —Bill Nye’s Boomerang, 1882

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Understanding Real Etiquette

Remember... Real etiquette is in acting with polite consideration for others, not acting like trained monkey.

More from the 1920’s Etiquette Book Craze

Being polite becomes more difficult. Social blunders lurk on every side. One of the many books on etiquette, which are raining heavily on the public, says it is a serious “boner” for a man, dining in a restaurant, to pick a fallen fork from the floor, that function “properly” belonging to the waiter. It is also set forth, that dipping both hands in a finger bowl simultaneously, instead of one at a time, is blunder in the first degree. Real etiquette is in acting with polite consideration for others, not like trained monkey. — Livermore Journal, 1925

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Elizabeth Post Dining Etiquette Quiz

“Your date has been taking you to the local dairy bar for weeks, and all of a sudden his Uncle Joe sent him a birthday check, and he’s asked you to go to an elegant restaurant for dinner!” –
At Etiquipedia, we’re guessing a ‘dairy bar’ was a regional term for an old-fashioned ‘malt shop.’

Nervous about dinner date? 

Take this dining etiquette quiz by Elizabeth Post!

Your date has been taking you to the local dairy bar for weeks, and all of a sudden his Uncle Joe sent him a birthday check, and he’s asked you to go to an elegant restaurant for dinner! Are you nervous, or do you know your restaurant manners so well that you will be relaxed and self-assured? Answer the questions below.

If you get more than eight right, your evening will be fun because you’ll be confident that you are “doing the right thing.” Six to eight means you may have a bad moment or two, and a score of below six indicates that you had better bone up.

Questions

1. When you are served soup in a cup with two handles, do you 

(a) eat the soup with a spoon? 

(b) pick up the cup? 

2. When game hen, asparagus or a creamed dish is served on toast, do you 

(a) take the entire serving, toast and all? 

(b) leave the toast, taking only the food on top of it? 

3. If a waiter brings a finger bowl, do you 

(a) dip your finger tips in and dab your lips? 

(b) dip the corner of your napkin in to clean your mouth? 

4. When you need to push food onto your fork, do you 

(a) use your thumb? 

(b) Use a dry piece of bread? 

5. If there is no saucer for your iced tea glass, do you 

(a) leave the spoon in the glass? 

(b) lay the spoon down on the table? 

6. At the end of the meal do you 

(a) fold your napkin back as it was? 

(b) lay your napkin in loose folds on the table?

 7. If you happen to drop your fork on the floor, do you 

(a) ask the waiter for a clean one? 

(b) pick it up, wipe it off, and use it? 

8. If there is no ash tray on the table, do you 

(a) ask for one? 

(b) use the edge of your dinner plate? 

9. When you are served a pot pie in an individual casserole do you 

(a) eat from the dish it is served in? 

(b) serve some onto your dinner plate? 

10. If your choice of entrée includes a delicious gravy, do you 

(a) use a spoon to get up the last drop? 

(b) break small pieces of bread into the gravy and eat it with your fork? 

Answers

1.   (b) As soon as the soup is cool enough, pick the cup up by both handles. 

2.   (a) 

3.   (a) 

4.   (b) If you have no bread, use your knife. 

5.   (a) Or you might remove it and rest the bowl of the spoon on your butter plate. 

6.   (b) 

7.   (a) 

8.   (a) 

9.   (b) If a serving spoon is not provided, ask for one. 

10. (b) 

             

                   —By Elizabeth Post, 1968

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Finger-Bowls Won’t Replace Napkins

He is doing this incorrectly– One is only supposed to dip the fingers of one hand at a time into the bowl, and then, the other. Never should one dip both of their hands into the finger bowl at one time.

The practice, which has been attempted in England, of doing away with the use of table napkins, is not likely to prevail here to any extent soon. The idea in not using napkins, is that table manners should be so perfect, that the fingers will be as daintily clean at the close of a meal, as at the beginning. But we still have here the woman who finds it necessary not only to dip her fingers in the finger bowl, but to moisten her lips from it, and she is usually a lady in other respects. It is a practice only a shade more reprehensible than that of the woman who uses her drinking glass for a finger bowl. The individual who needs further ablutions than the ordinary use of the finger bowl will give, should take to a bib, and be relegated to the care of a nurse. – Sacramento Daily Union 1898

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Healthy 1930 Etiquette Suggestion

While finger bowls, and finger bowl usage, have fallen in and out of fashion over decades and centuries, clean fingers at the dining table have always been fashionable.

Finger Bowls First

Though it is contrary to the book of etiquette, finger bowls ought really to be served at the beginning rather than at the end of a meal. The present practice serves an aesthetic end, the recommended one would serve as a measure of better personal hygiene. But there is nothing very novel in this suggestion. In fact, it is an old idea. The Mosaic law which includes so many good rules for the protection of health, forbids an orthodox believer to touch food before his hands have been washed. 

Keen observation had no doubt impressed the author of those sanitary laws that unclean hands are a source of, and a means of, transmitting disease. Indeed, the observations need not to have been so very keen to appreciate the point, for in the course of an hour the hands come in contact with a vast multitude of things which in themselves had previously been touched by scores if not hundreds of others, and each contact represents a possible source of danger. 

Now the matter is simple and yet! A large number of our schools have lunch rooms for their pupils, or cafeteria services, where those that cannot, or will not go home for their midday meal, may eat. How many among these schools provide washing facilities? How many shops, factories, or offices have a place where the workers might wash their hands before eating, without having to stand in line for half the lunch period? And also how many parents insist upon having their children come to the dinner table with hands freshly washed? 

Consider the care we bestow upon our foods, how we protect our milk, our meat and our water from contamination and pollution, and then consider how all of the precautions bestowed upon our food substances turn to naught by the soiled hands that transport the victuals from table to mouth. – Edited by Dr. lago Galdston for the N. Y. Academy of Medicine, 1930

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Doily Diplomacy

Doilies under finger bowls are for table beautification only, not for use as napkins – Butler preparing the table for a very formal affair, using a candelabra, cutlery and silver that were sent to Washington in 1893 for the British Embassy in Washington D.C. – Photo source, Home and Design Magazine

The Diplomatic Mrs. Morton

A pretty story is told of Mrs. Morton’s tact and courtesy, quite equal to the tradition of Lady Washington’s crushing a tea-cup on purpose to relieve the embarrassment of the guest who had inadvertently broken one of her eggshell cups, in his large and careless hand. Mrs. Morton has a set of exquisitely painted doilies from the atelier of a noted Paris artist. One of her political dinner guests, after dipping his fingers in the finger bowl, drew out the priceless filmy square, and crushed it into a ball, trying to dry his hands as he talked learnedly with his hostess. Mrs. Morton smiled with a serenity for which, it is hoped, the recording angel will give her credit and said, “Such flimsy doilies are useless —let me give you another— but you know it’s the fashion.” And the grateful politician accepted the napkin and never knew his mistake.—New York Sun, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Over Royal Pretender

“Some people have declared that the Jacobites used to drink from the finger bowls themselves to ‘Charlie across the water,’ but this is a needless aspersion on the followers of James II...” – The focus of the Jacobitism political movement in Great Britain and Ireland. Jacobites and Charles Edward Stuart (1720 – 1788) aka “Bonnie Prince Charlie” aimed to restore him and his heirs to the thrones of England, Scotland, France and Ireland.

Royal Etiquette for Finger Bowls

During a visit of Royalty in a country house everybody rises when the Royal personage enters a room, but there is another custom which is perhaps little known to the outside world. That is a curious rule regarding finger bowls. 

At dinner parties where any members of the Royal family happen to be present, none of the other guests is provided with a finger bowl. The reason given for this practice is that it is a custom dating from the time of the pretender, when the Jacobites used to drink from them to “Charlie across the water.” – Los Angeles Herald, 1902

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Finger Bowl Etiquette

“They became ridiculously polite by carving bread with knife and fork, but the climax came when I set two bowls of rosewater before them as finger glasses...” – The finger bowls at Buckingham Palace, fom the book, “Dining at the Palace” 

Staggered by Finger Bowls

A very amusing scene occurred once while I was serving a lady and gentleman of the unmistakable upstart type. They were grossly ignorant of the most elementary rules of table etiquette, shoveling the food into their mouths with their knives, which were constantly loaded half-way up to the handles. They managed to struggle through their dinner, sometimes casting aside knives and forks and attacking game and poultry by cutting them in halves and eating from their hands, holding the leg. Sometimes, too, they became ridiculously polite by carving bread with knife and fork, but the climax came when I set two bowls of rosewater before them as finger glasses.  

They looked at each other, and then cautiously around the room, trying to find some solution of the mysterious dish before them, not having the sense to ignore it altogether. Whispered consultations took place, which presently grew into a suppressed quarrel, the lady reproaching her lord for his ignorance. Suddenly she was seen to shake the water around and around, and finally, with a look of contempt and superior wisdom, she raised the bowl to her lips and drank all the contents. Needless to say, that the hearty laughter of the other diners made them feel the mistake, and they beat a hasty retreat. —London TitBits, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Finger Bowl Etiquette and Fashion

The dining era, host's and hostess's purses and country one is dining in, have always determined the requisites of the dinner setting etiquette, menus, accoutrements and table manners needed. While finger bowls, and finger bowl usage, have fallen in and out of fashion over decades and centuries, clean fingers at the dining table have always been fashionable.

 On Regency Era Finger Bowls and Rinsing At Table:

“Custom allows ladies at the end of an entertainment to dip their fingers into a glass of water, and to wipe them with their napkin; it allows them also to rinse the mouth, using their plate for this purpose; but, in my opinion, custom sanctions it in vain.” – Elisabeth Celnart, 1833

On Gilded Age Desserts of Fruit, Napkins and Finger-Bowls: 

Small fringed napkins of different colors were used with a dessert of fruits. “Fancy doylies (sic) of fine linen embroidered with silk"were sometimes brought in with the finger-bowls; but they were not for utility. The dinner napkin was employed by the diner, while the embroidered ‘fancy’ added a dainty bit of effect to the table decoration.” – Samuel R. Wells, 1887

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia