Etiquette and Noisy Neighbors

To keep neighbors tolerant of your noise requirements, alert them to special events you are planning. If it’s a party and they fit in, invite them. If your apartment building has a community room available for parties, use it. Not only will you avoid noise complaints, but your own digs still will be neat when it’s all over. If your children must practice clamorous musical instruments or hold jam sessions with friends, have them talk to neighbors about the time of day these people would least hate to hear it. It will teach the kids consideration, and their display of concern is bound to elicit neighborly goodwill.

Today’s Compact Living

Own noise is okay; others’ definitely not!

The truth about noise is that most of us can stand only our own. And we are more tolerant of the rumpus friends and acquaintances make than that of strangers. Noise can create a barrier to neighborly relations between apartment dwellers, but it needn't be insurmountable, Nor does avoiding it mean you must operate in a funereal hush. Mutual accommodation is the best way to balance differing needs for vitality and serenity, because in the long run it is the only thing that works. If you have to complain regularly to the manager or landlord about neighbors' ruckuses, or to the police, or if you have to get a court order to keep the peace, chances are you will be in for a long feud rather than a good night’s sleep. No number of calls to police in one small New England city, for example, halted the honking horns of night visitors to the suspected marijuana dealer next door, nor quieted the yelps of his watchdogs, which greeted guests and kept a retired couple sleepless and exhausted. They plan to move from their ground-floor apartment. Had the young entrepreneur lived in their building, they might have appealed to the manager or landlord for help. But often, if there is no local code which protects tenants’ rights to peace and quiet, or unless your locality has an anti-noise ordinance, there can be little relief until the malefactor’s lease expires. 

If you’ve talked to your neighbor about his noise nuisance in a reasonable fashion, and he’s a stinker and persists, there often is little more you can do, except maybe devise a creative way to get even, A Pittsburgh friend who works nights sleeps poorly during the day because his upstairs neighbor has a dog that barks incessantly at every hallway squeak. Maliciously, on a night off, he strolled past the dog-owner’s door once every hour and scratched it lightly. The tenant heard nothing, but the dog did, and he carried on 10 minutes at a time. It was a delicious pay-back but, my friend admitted, an unpleasant way to live and no real solution. To keep neighbors tolerant of your noise requirements, alert them to special events you are planning. If it’s a party and they fit in, invite them. Tone down the decibels after midnight and schedule the bulk of your festive commotion for weekends when people are more likely to be able to afford lost sleep. If your apartment building has a community room available for parties, use it. Not only will you avoid noise complaints, but your own digs still will be neat when it’s all over. If your children must practice clamorous musical instruments or hold jam sessions with friends, have them talk to neighbors about the time of day these people would least hate to hear it. It will teach the kids consideration, and their display of concern is bound to elicit neighborly goodwill.

One thoughtful tenant asked her neighbor whether the loud jazz she loved to immerse herself in over weekend breakfasts caused him grief. Her neighbor enjoyed its muted distance, but appreciated even more her consideration in asking. If street noises bother you, hang drapes rather than wood or metal blinds; and if you don’t want to cover the fine wood of your floors with noise-absorbing carpet, shed your clunky shoes when you are at home to spare downstairs neighbors the staccato dissonance of your tread. Family quarrels are as disturbing to neighbors as to participants. Sometimes banging a knife handle against a radiator or a broom handle against the ceiling or floor is enough to alert the combatants to your discomfort and to distract them from their fervor. And you should stay at a safe distance, too. If your baby is fussy, better to comfort it than let it cry. If a child screams endlessly, you could be suspected of neglect or abuse, and neighbors complaining to authorities could bring police or welfare department investigators to your door. To keep bedroom sounds at a low level, keep caster cups under bedframe wheels, a rug on the floor, and if possible, the bed against a wall which doesn’t abut a wall you share with a neighbor. 

One of the most obnoxious forms of din for apartment residents is that created, most often in small cities, by people who toot to pick up friends rather than park and ring their bell. Responding to a honk is allowing yourself, as well as your neighbors, to be treated ungraciously. Be polite to your friends and expect good manners from them, too. Finally, if police do come to your door in response to a neighbor's complaint, be courteous. Remember they have learned from bitter experience that house calls to keep the peace can be fatal to the peacemaker, so it’s no more fun for them to be at your place than it is for you to have them there. – By Eileen Foley, Special to The Desert Sun, 1980

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Democracy and Americanization

“Democracy is a word in quotation marks instead of a factor in life with too many native Americans.” – Mary Antin was an immigrant, an author and an immigration rights activist. She is best known for her 1912 autobiography The Promised Land, an account of her emigration and subsequent Americanization.

Says Americans Should Learn to Be Neighborly

Mary Antin, famous author, lecturer, and Russian immigrant, says: “There will be no problems of immigration when American citizens learn the lesson of neighborliness. There are almost as many native Americans who need to be Americanized as there are foreigners. Democracy is a word in quotation marks instead of a factor in life with too many native Americans. Where there are ghettoes there are no free women. But ghettoes can meet only ultimate obliteration in America.” With an eloquent plea to “open the doors to those who knock at our gates,” and denying any possible terrors in immigration problems, Mary Antin, foremost woman writer in America, noted lecturer, and naturalized Russian immigrant, arrived in Los Angeles today, where she will remain for the remainder of the week.

A mere slip of a person, with boyish slimness and a happy smile for California sunshine, Miss Antin (in private life wife of Andrew Graham, Columbia university professor) was a surprise to the delegation of city teachers who met her at the train. Only in the intense, tragic blue eyes does the woman portray the dramatic emotion with which she has swayed thousands by her books, “The Promised Land,” “They Who Knock at Our Gates,” or reveal the tremendous life tragedies which she has witnessed and participated in, with the Russian Jews in their native land.

Must Learn Neighborliness

While at first refusing to discuss immigration, Miss Antin finally declared; “It can be summed up in a word or two. There will be no problem of immigration when each individual American citizen learns the lesson of true neighborliness—not that of a convention halls, but of every day life. Talk about foreigners learning our customs and manners! It is Americans’ duty to learn theirs, to extend hospitality and neighborliness to the foreigner within the gate—and behold! There will be no longer any problem. But the trouble is that too many native Americans need to be Americanized. Democracy is only a word in quotation marks to them—not a principle of life.” – Los Angeles Herald, 1915

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for Royal Neighbors

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex only moved in to Frogmore Cottage on the Windsor estate a few months ago, but their presence has quickly impacted the community. Earlier this weekend, British tabloid The Sun reported that Harry and Meghan's neighbors had been given a list of demands instructing them how to behave in the presence of the royal couple and in the vicinity of their home.

Those living near the Sussexes’ residence, including royal staff, were reportedly given a number of “dos and don'ts” which included the following guidelines:

• Don't approach or instigate conversation if you see the Royal couple 
• Do say 'Good Morning' or some other pleasantry if they speak to you 
• Don't pet or stroke their dogs, even if they come over to you 
• Don't offer to walk their dogs 
• Don't ask to see baby Archie or offer to babysit 
• Don't post anything through the letterbox of Frogmore Cottage 

Now, Buckingham Palace has issued a statement responding to the rumors of such a list of rules. A spokesperson has clarified that while “guidance” was offered to the community in a meeting, Meghan and Harry were not the ones to create a mandate; rather, the direction was issued by an “overly protective palace official.”

“The Duke and Duchess didn't request this, didn't know about it, and had nothing to do with the content or guidance offered,” said a spokesperson, according to ITV.

According to the Sun, a spokesperson also clarified that “this was a well-intentioned briefing to help a small local community know how to welcome two new residents and help them with any potential encounter.”

Following the birth of their first child, Archie Harrison, Meghan and Harry have sought to give him as private a life as possible. Notably, the Sussexes did not release the names of Archie's godparents, as they are private citizens, and they did not allow the press to document the royal family arriving or leaving his christening. But they have posed for a number of family portraits in recent weeks.– Town and Country Magazine, July 2019

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia