Etiquette for “Meeting His Mother”

There is an etiquette for meeting his mother (father, sister, brother, business partner, secretary, ex-wife) and its basis is essentially what makes any first-meetings successful ... self confidence and some forethought.

A day will come, inevitably, when he announces, “I want to take you home to meet my mother.” Panic! Suddenly blood seems to have stopped circulating to the outer regions of your toes. You're numb... a condition you feel will become permanent unless you can hire some one to take your place. No way! If you want him, it is essential to face her.

Calm down! To refuse, or even invent a reason not to go, is insulting to your love and his family. There is an etiquette for meeting his mother (father, sister, brother, business partner, secretary, ex-wife) and its basis is essentially what makes any first-meetings successful ... self confidence and some forethought.

Your man plays a large role in providing the confidence— he can complain about your appearance all the way to his parents’ door or assure you that freckles do not make you look thirteen. Here are some suggestions on pre-planning:

1. Fix hair the day before the visit so it feels natural. 

2. Don't buy a new dress. Wear a tested favorite . . . something he likes and that is comfortable to move in. If a particular color makes you feel cheerful, wear it. Avoid clanky jewelry.

3. Ask your love about his parents’ likes and dislikes so you'll know what subjects not to bring up.

4. Bring a hostess gift if at all appropriate, and remember that something you made-food or handwork will show how home-oriented you can be.

5. If the occasion is dinner and his mother doesn’t have help, ask if you can lend a hand in the kitchen or clear the table. (It will help if you don't break anything.)

6. Love her veal paprikash, crewel draperies, streaked hair, anything you can admire without sounding like an idiot.

7. Disagree (politely) on one minor point (pantsuits, a TV show) so she won't think you're playing up to her. Don’t talk too much or momma in-law will decide you’re pushy.

8. Don't act possessive about their son; you've won him, no need to irritate her by flaunting it.

9. Do say something sweet about him he'd like his mother to hear.

10. Remember... she knows you wouldn’t be there if you weren’t important to her boy... that makes her as scared as you are, at least. Think about putting her at ease, and your tensions will vanish too. — The Cosmo Girls’s Guide to New Etiquette, 1971

 Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Women’s Hands

Your hands speak for you. Unless you’re going to walk around the rest of your life in a knee length poncho, you just can’t hide ragged cuticles, split nails, chipped polish, chewed stubs, and nicotine stains.

Think about what you do with your hands – the gestures (gentle, restrained, non-distracting), the movements (holding a champagne glass, pouring a cup of soothing Earl Grey tea), the loving touches.

Hands are to be silky soft, groomed, and move with feminine grace. You need a good hand cream or body moisturizer applied daily. Wear rubber gloves when doing dishes or washing his car. – From “The Cosmo Girl’s Guide to the New Etiquette,” 1971

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

When Misses Became Ms.’s

Tricia Nixon, daughter of late- U.S. President, Richard M. Nixon, married Harvard Law student Edward Cox in a White House Rose Garden wedding ceremony on June 12, 1971. She has lived a very private life in the suburbs of New York. She serves on the boards of many medical research institutions, as well as the Richard Nixon Foundation at the Nixon Library in California. Tricia Nixon circa 1972- Public domain photo

Never Amiss Again

Etiquette evolves. Styles of life change. And here is one style caught mid-evolution… definitely worth encouraging. The new way to address women: Ms. replacing Mrs. and Miss. Under the old rules, a married woman was addressed: Julie Eisenhower or Mrs. David Eisenhower. 

Under the new convention she is Ms. Julie Eisenhower. And Tricia get similar billing, Miss Tricia Nixon. Although the rule is still not widely used, it is logical and proper, and you might want to start using it in business letters immediately.–The Cosmo Girl’s Guide to the New Etiquette, 1971

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

1970’s Cosmo’s Etiquette Do’s/Don’ts

You may borrow from… Money (you always pay that promptly) and furs or costume jewelry, unless you know she has a phobia about loaning. Never take anything irreplaceable.

The Use and Abuse of Friends

A friend is someone who likes you. Sexual love is cosmic, visceral, sensual… Love for a friend is emotion fed by the intellect, it is like raised to the highest degree. Your need to like and be liked is as basic as your need to be loved. And friendship requires care and feeding and exercise. Friends are to be used. Use is not a dirty word. Abuse as a dirty word. Here’s a chart of what one thoughtful friend can expect from another… And some demands that strain the bonds.


DO, DO, DO

A friend is someone…

• Who likes you and makes you know it. 
• You like you make sure she knows it. 
• To do nutty things with… And not even question what the hell are we doing? 
• You may borrow from… Money (you always pay that promptly) and furs or costume jewelry, unless you know she has a phobia about loaning. Never take anything irreplaceable. 
• You can spill everything to —your secrets and wildest fantasies. Who confides in you. Intimacy must go both ways.
• Who understands… even when she couldn’t possibly agree or do the same thing. With real empathy. 
• Who listens. 
• You can tease… But carefully; just a layer of love softens the hostility in a tease.
• Warm.

DON’T, DON’T, DON’T

A friend is someone… 

• You never gossip about behind your back, except if it’s flattering. 
• You never put on airs for… It’s not necessary. 
• You never borrow a fragile dress from. Of course, she would offer to clean it, each dress has just so many trips to the cleaners built into its lifespan. 
• You don’t engage in a hostile competition. 
• You are not trying to remake. Help, yes, but reform, no.
• Whose confidence you will not betray for love or money or publicity… Except your husband, but she knows that.
• You would not make choose between her man and you.
• You are not always breaking dates with because something better came along — a man. Sometimes, but not always.
• Whose boyfriend you do not feel compelled to seduce.
• Whose husband’s advances you tease off and do not report.–From “The Cosmo Girl’s Guide to the New Etiquette,” 1971

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia