Manners for Young Children

On Politeness of Young Children – “Give a boy address and accomplishments, and you give him the mastery of palaces and fortunes wherever he goes.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson

Children should be taught that it is rude...

• To yawn without trying to suppress it, or without concealing the mouth with the hand 
• To whistle or hum in the presence of older persons
• To make any monotonous noise with feet or hands, beating time, etc... 
• To play with napkin rings, or any article at table during meal time 
• To pick the teeth with the fingers
• To trim or clean one’s nails outside one’s room 
• To lounge anywhere in the presence of company
• To place the elbows on the table, or to lean upon it while eating
• To speak of absent persons by their first names, when they would not so address them if they were present
• To acquire the habit of saying “you know,” “says he,” “says she” 
• To use slang words
• To tattle
• To hide the mouth with the hand when speaking 
• To point at anyone or anything with the finger
• To stare at persons
• To laugh at one’s own stories or remarks
• To toss articles instead of handing them
• To leave the table with food in the mouth 
• To take possession of a seat that belongs to another without instantly rising upon his return
• To leave anyone without saying “good-by” 
• To interrupt any one in conversation; 
• To push or shove others
• To ridicule others
• To pass, without speaking, any one whom they know

From Practical Etiquette by N.C., circa 1881

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette in One's Home

"If husbands and wives, generally, would render each other half of the little attentions they lavished upon each other before marriage, their mutual happiness would be more than doubled. A man has no right whatever to open his wife’s mail, but a woman should not receive any letters that she would not be willing that her husband should see."  — We at Etiquipedia would like to add, "And vice-versa."

DOMESTIC ETIQUETTE AND DUTIES

Etiquette is a comprehensive term, and its observances are nowhere more to be desired than in the domestic circle.

If husbands and wives, generally, would render each other half of the little attentions they lavished upon each other before marriage, their mutual happiness would be more than doubled.

A wife should never let her husband have cause to complain that she is more agreeable abroad than at home, nor see her negligent of dress and manners at home when it is the reverse in company.

If, unhappily, any misunderstandings or annoyances occur between husband and wife, it is ill-bred and unjust for either to repeat them to a third person.

Faithful unto death in all things should be the motto of both husband and wife; and forbearance with each other’s peculiarities, their never-ending effort to attain.

If a girl discovers very soon after her marriage that she has made a mistake, it is wisest for her to make the best of it; she should look for all that is good in her husband and try to forget that which she dislikes. There are times when a legal separation is necessary, but when people marry they marry for better or for worse, and if, unfortunately, it should be for worse, even that does not release them from the solemn vows which they have taken.

It is not in good taste for a husband and wife to call each other by endearing names in the presence of others.

A man has no right whatever to open his wife’s mail, but a woman should not receive any letters that she would not be willing that her husband should see. — From 1899's, Practical Etiquette 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for Telephoning

When there are several different persons using the same line, two or three of them may mistake the call for theirs, and all rush to the telephone at once. If at all stupid, or lacking in politeness, they will make it quite unpleasant for each other. - From "Practical Etiquette," 1899  

While it is fun to read retro-etiquette or vintage etiquette posts, which preceded our carrying our phones everywhere with us,  they rarely need much modification to suit today's needs.  Keep this in mind when reading. With mobile phones, or cell phones, fewer people are making actual phone calls. Texting and engagement through social media sites are far more prevalent. 

The amount of text, email and social media app data usage, surpassed the amount of voice data used in cell phone calls in less than a decade. One 40-year-old marketing consultant from Canton Massachusetts, said that she probably only spoke to someone verbally on her cell phone, once a week, when interviewed by the New York Times in 2010. To get, and keep jobs, in which conversation skills are highly valued, proper telephone manners may have to be learned, or refreshed, as the current trends continue.

Telephoning

For the benefit of those who but seldom make use of the telephone, and consequently feel more or less ill at ease when attempting to use one, and also for those who, from ignorance of the first laws of politeness, or who, from thoughtlessness, ignore them, a few hints upon the subject may not come amiss. It is after having called up “Central,” and been given the number requested, that one often stands in need of no small amount of tact and good breeding, as well as of some idea of the best method of procedure. 

When there are several different persons using the same line, two or three of them may mistake the call for theirs, and all rush to the telephone at once. If at all stupid, or lacking in politeness, they will make it quite unpleasant for each other. The one entitled to speak should politely inquire for the one for whom she has called at the telephone, also giving her own name as the one delivering the message. If this does not suffice to enlighten those who sometimes keep calling “hello,” “hello,” without waiting to learn if they are the ones desired, the one talking should again announce herself, and the name of the one to whom she wishes to speak. Then, occasionally, even while in the midst of a conversation, some one will break in with a “Hello!” “Who is it?” “What do you want?” etc., which is quite distracting. If one can gain a hearing in no other way, it is well to say: “Excuse me, I hold the line.” If this does not bring order out of chaos, one should ring off and call again.

One should be careful not to call up friends at inconvenient hours, and when one is notified by a servant, or otherwise, that someone, the name being given, is at the telephone wishing to speak with her, she should certainly be as expeditious as possible in replying; for, by holding the wire, she is inconveniencing others, as well as the one who is waiting for her. No lady needs to be warned against speaking discourteously under any circumstances to the telephone assistants at the central office. It is in these little things that one shows herself to be well-bred or not.

None, of course, but the most informal of invitations can be delivered by telephone.

Servants should be taught always to answer the telephone politely and intelligently. When answering, a servant should say whose residence it is, if asked, not by giving the family name, as “Smith,” but as “Mr. Smith,” and then, if asked who is at the instrument, she should reply, “Mrs. Smith’s cook” or “maid.”

One’s individual manners, and ordinary polite or impolite forms of address, are very noticeable when accentuated by the telephone. — From Practical Etiquette 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia