Good Etiquette and Borrowing Items

“In cities and large communities there is comparatively little of the kitchen borrowing that has come to be proverbial in stories, but there are few households which do not find a fairly good list of borrowed articles accumulated in the course of the year. A book from this friend, an umbrella from that, a written recipe from another, a bit of fancy work as a model from another, and so on. The use which the borrower has for the loaned articles is temporary. It is, therefore, purely a selfish laziness which retains them, after such case, from the owner, who may be in positive and continuous need of the thing.” Above– A silver fork novel. Etiquipedia has loaned out hundreds of etiquette books over many years. Fortunately, most people return them after reading them. 

Along with the habit to pronounce people's names correctly, to reply promptly to-notes, and the like, another mark of the regard for the rights of others, which indicates inherent refinement, is the practice of returning borrowed articles. In cities and large communities there is comparatively little of the kitchen borrowing that has come to be proverbial in stories, but there are few households which do not find a fairly good list of borrowed articles accumulated in the course of the year. A book from this friend, an umbrella from that, a written recipe from another, a bit of fancy work as a model from another, and so on. The use which the borrower has for the loaned articles is temporary. It is, therefore, purely a selfish laziness which retains them, after such case, from the owner, who may be in positive and continuous need of the thing.

No one likes to send for something which has been loaned– it is a rebuke which it is unpleasant to give as well as to receive. The expedience of one woman in this connection may be of use to some others. A certain shelf in a certain closet was given up to borrowed articles. The moment one came into the house it was put there. If its use was immediate, it was returned to the shelf after such use, and a constant inspection kept the receptacle clear of such articles as had served their borrowed purpose. Nothing borrowed was ever lost, and everything was always promptly returned, by being easily accessible at the opportune moment. Children in particular are apt to be careless borrowers and lenders. Such a shelf is a valuable object lesson in a family of young people, and there are many elders who can profit by it as well. – New York Times, 1892

 

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

More Etiquette for Borrowing

Borrowing should be regarded as a necessary evil, to be resorted to only when it cannot well be avoided. The habitual borrower is a burden to society

It is not polite to keep a borrowed article long; and if a time for returning it is specified, we should be careful not to neglect doing it when the time comes. If possible, we should return it ourselves, not give it to the owner to carry home or send it by another; and we should never omit to thank the lender. 

To compel the owner to send for his property is a gross violation of good manners on the part of the borrower. The owner should not send unless he feels that he can wait no longer, or unless the borrower is habitually careless and needs to be taught a lesson.

“I never ask a gentleman to return money he has borrowed,” said one man to another.

“How then do you get it?” asked his friend.

“After a while,” was the answer, “I conclude he is not a gentleman, and then I ask him.” 

This reasoning will apply in case of lending other things as well as money.

When we lend we should do so with cordial politeness and not spoil the favor by the half-hearted way in which we offer or grant it; but borrowing should be regarded as a necessary evil, to be resorted to only when it cannot well be avoided. The habitual borrower is a burden to society.—From Edith E. Wiggin, in 1884's “Lessons on Manners / For School and Home Use.” 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and the Borrower

It is not polite to keep a borrowed article long; and if a time for returning it is specified, we should be careful not to neglect doing it when the time comes. If possible, we should return it ourselves, not give it to the owner to carry home or send it by another; and we should never omit to thank the lender.

Manners in Borrowing

It is an old saying, “He that goes borrowing goes sorrowing”; but it might often be more truly said of the one to whom the borrower goes.

We should be more careful of a borrowed article than if it were our own. If we are so unfortunate as to injure or lose it, we should replace it, if it can be done; if not, make the best possible apology. We have no right to lend a borrowed thing to an other without the owner's permission. Perhaps nothing is treated in this way oftener than a book. People who consider themselves honest and just will lend a borrowed book to half a neighborhood, and if it is defaced or lost will give themselves no concern about it.

It is not polite to borrow a garment to wear except of a relative or intimate friend. Neither is it good manners to ask for a garment or pattern to cut one by for ourselves: the owner may prefer not to have it copied. If a person admires a garment or pattern belonging to us, and we are willing to lend it, it is our place to offer it without its being asked for.

If a book or article to read is lent us, we should read it promptly, and when we return it say whatever pleasant things we can of it with truth. To send it back without expressing an opinion, or making acknowledgment of the kindness, is inexcusable.

If we borrow something which is not to be returned itself, but its equivalent, we should be careful to return what is of as good or better quality, and as much in quantity, if not a little more, to make up for the trouble of the one who lends to us.

It is not polite to keep a borrowed article long; and if a time for returning it is specified, we should be careful not to neglect doing it when the time comes. If possible, we should return it ourselves, not give it to the owner to carry home or send it by another; and we should never omit to thank the lender. To compel the owner to send for his property is a gross violation of good manners on the part of the borrower. The owner should not send unless he feels that he can wait no longer, or unless the borrower is habitually careless and needs to be taught a lesson. —Edith Wiggin, 1884

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia