Gilded Age Dining Etiquette’s Evolution

Above is a Gilded Age, sterling pie server in the “Love Disarmed” pattern, featuring Venus holding Cupid. This was one of the most, if not the most, stunning of the Gilded Age silver patterns, the design was patented in 1899.

At the Modern “Swell” Dinner:

Gilded Age Dining Etiquette’s Evolution

The serving or “place” plates, as they are often designated, are the most beautiful and costly used throughout the entire dinner. Present form permits these to be put at each cover when the table is laid, the plates for the two first courses (oysters and soup) resting upon them. They are then removed, having served their purpose as ornamental.

At the left of the plate is the napkin, within its folds the dinner roll. Directly in front of the plate is the individual salt, now (small as it is) an appointment of great beauty and expense. Sometimes it is a cut glass boat on silver waves, the salt spoon posing as an oar; again a half open crystal rose on a leaf of the wonderful Russian enamel. The water goblet and wine glasses stand at the right and are either grouped or “spiked,” which means placed in a row diagonally out from the plate, beginning with the largest and ending with the tiny glass for cordial. Thus arranged, under artificial light they take up and flash back the rays with great brilliancy, making them very ornamental

It is now the rule to use a fork instead of spoon wherever possible, so that the latter is almost banished from the modern table. Each course, however, requires a particular fork, making it a fine point with the uninitiated to determine between then when laid in a long row beside the cover. From this probably the method now adopted, which saves many mistakes and consequent embarrassment. When the table is laid the fish, meat and entree forks are placed at the left of each cover, at the right the meat knife, soup spoon, a smaller knife and the oyster fork. For all courses which follow the roast, the silver for each is passed on a tray just before it is served.

After the dessert, or “service of sweets,” as it is now termed, after dinner coffee, fruit and finger bowls are brought on. The coffee is put at the right and the finger bowl at the left of the fruit plate, the fruit knife and fork passed on the tray. In England butter is never used at dinner and seldom of late years this side of the water. If served, a tiny pat or ball on an individual butter plate is put in front of each cover.

Besides the foregoing items of correct service, “Table Talk” says as to dinner etiquette: The refusal of wine needs no excuse. A look at the waitress will answer the same purpose as a temperance lecture and will be in better taste. It is bad form to refuse a course, however distasteful it may be. It is courtesy to the hostess to take, taste and trifle with it until removed rather than attract attention by declining it.

The little after dinner coffee spoon, when not in use, is placed at the right of the cup in the saucer. Dip the soup spoon from you in the plate and lift the side toward you (never the point) to the lips if an accident occurs (an overturned glass or the breakage of some piece of glass or china), express regret, but do not overwhelm yourself or the hostess with apologies. – The Napa Daily Journal, 1899

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Wine Ordering Etiquette

There are four “grades” of Beaujolais (regular Beaujolais, Beaujolais Superieur, Beaujolais-Villages and then those named after the nine growth areas such as Moulin-a-Vent, Chenas, Morgan, etc). The one they were being offered was two levels less than they ordered– Photo source, Pinterest 

Wine Ordering Etiquette

The scene: a dimly lit restaurant. In the corner sit three young people, each persuing a copy of the wine list. The waitress saunters over and one of them orders the 1977 Beaujolais-Villages ($10.50). The waitress disappears, then returns with the bottle. She shows it to the three. They nod and the cork is pulled. The first diner samples the wine, winces and says something about the fact the wine isn't very rich. The waitress calls the manager, but while she's gone for a moment, the three pour themselves a glass each. The manager arrives and asks the trouble. The wine, they say, isn’t very full it’s sort of thin and watery, they say. The manager shows them the label. It says Beaujolais. There is no “Villages” to be seen. “We’re not carrying the Beaujolais-Villages anymore, just Beaujolais,” he says. “But if you don’t like the wine, I'll be happy to replace it without charge. Just pick anything else on the list.” The three diners shake their heads. “No, that won't be necessary,” says one. But later when the bill comes, they refuse to pay for the wine (they have consumed the entire bottle, wincing frequently), and the manager demands they do pay for it. They finally relent and head for the disco. This is a true story. It happened a couple of weeks ago, and I witnessed the whole thing from across the aisle, taking notes. It is a good lesson on what not to do in a restaurant. 

First, let's examine what the diners did wrong. When the waitress showed them the bottle, at least one of them should have noted the lack of the word “Villages.” There are four “grades” of Beaujolais (regular Beaujolais, Beaujolais Superieur, Beaujolais-Villages and then those named after the nine growth areas such as Moulin-a-Vent, Chenas, Morgan, etc). The one they were being offered was two levels less than they ordered and probably not worth $10.50. Thus they should have rejected the wine on the spot and made another selection. And after tasting it and finding it poor quality, they should have taken the manager’s offer of another choice. (Although etiquette says you don’t reject a wine just because you don't happen to like it.) To his credit, the manager offered a solution after the bottle was opened. (I tried the wine later and it was sound thin and lifeless, but sound.) But then to refuse to pay for it is unconscionable.

I'm not going to repeat most of the hackneyed “rules” (red with meat, white with fish, etc.) but I feel a few general tocsins are necessary. Even the experts sometimes forget these simple steps. 

• After ordering the wine, try to remember exactly what it was you ordered. If you asked for a 1974 and they bring you a '75, don't take it unless you're positive the'7s would be OK. Lacking the '74, there might be another wine altogether that would suit better than the '75.
•  If you have ordered a red wine of slightly older vintage and the waiter comes skipping to your table waving the bottle over his head, suggest another bottle be obtained from the cellar and make sure the first bottle remains on your table, lest he try to foist off that one on you again (This happened to a friend.) 
• When the waiter uncorks the wine you have approved and pours you a sip, don't just glug it and nod. Seek out defects, that's why he poured it. Look for oxidation and maderization. (The former is a slightly burnt, slightly off-sweet aroma, the latter is a cooked flavor.) Either quality is good cause to reject the wine. Also, if it tastes like vinegar, reject. (That rarely happens these days, but it does happen.)
• If the wine served you is too cold to serve at the moment you accept the wine, tell the waiter not to pour immediately. If the wine is too warm, ask for an ice bucket and you regulate the temperature. 
• If you wish to do all the pouring at the table, tell the waiter so.
• I recommend that while the waiter is pouring the first glass, you watch him carefully. If he fills any glass above half-way, stop him. Glasses are not made for simple guzzling. They are made to help swirl the wine for proper bouquet. 
• When handed the cork, note if it is damp. If it is, this tells you one thing, the bottle was stored properly on its side. But the condition of the cork ALONE (even if it's as dry as the tablecloth) is no cause for sending a wine back. If the wine is spoiled, a dry cork may close your case. 
• And don't accept any wine you feel to be different than that which is on the wine list. But the decision there must be made before the cork is pulled, and that’s up to you unless, of course, the bottle is brought to your table with the cork already drawn. In that case, reject the bottle at once. Corks should be pulled in front of you –Period.–By Dan Berger, Special to The Desert Sun

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Male Polish on Wine Etiquette

(Q.)“Must I toast EVERY time?” J. J. M., New Haven, Conn.
(A.) Yep, or risk insulting the guest of honor. But you don't have to down a glass with every toast (regardless of what boozehounds and traditionalists say). By sipping and fake sipping, you can toast till dawn on a single drink. – Did you know? “Gourmet” is old French for “wine taster” and the word is used properly in this 1957 etiquette advice column. A “gourmand” and not “gourmet” is the proper term for someone who loves food.

Don'ts Of Drinking Wine

Discovering that “Male Polish” today is all about wine etiquette, non-drinkers may be tempted to sashay elsewhere. But stick around, fellows. Wine etiquette reserves its most ticklish problem for people who never touch the stuff. 

WITH GOURMETS: The problem is, in fact, how in this boozy world do you avoid touching the stuff gracefully? You're dining with gourmets. Wine is served. For reasons of conscience or constitution, you don't want any. So what do you do? Put your hand over the glass? Turn it upside down? Both smack of histrionics. Or do you go into a spiel about the “Evils of Drink,” or the “Virtuous Life,” or “Wine Gives Me Heartburn?” Spellbinding as these subjects may be, they aren't likely to inspire a dinner companion whose chablis glass is lipward bound. 

JUST SAY NO: The thing to do, of course, is say “No, thank you” without any fuss whatever. No person in the world has less need to explain or apologize than a teetotaler. A wine etiquette for non-wine drinkers obviously is not too complicated. What about men who do drink wine? The biggest goof is to guzzle. Wine is not beer. To swill it in large daughts is to miss the subtleties of bouquet and flavor. Apart from this, gluttony in any form is bad manners. 

The second biggest goof is to be a Connoisseur with a capital C. The “Wine Snob” doesn't drink much; he just talks. But his lectures on vintage and vintner, body and bouquet, are so rapt and endless, many guests wish he would drink up and shut up. 

Goof No. 3 is to know nothing at all about wines. This is not really the world-shaking goof Connoisseurs would have us believe. All the same, if you expect to do any fancy hosting, it's well to have a nodding acquaintance with Bacchus. 

ALMOST as important as the wine itself is the technique of serving it. Traditionally, the host pours a little in his glass before serving counter-clockwise around the table. This is to assure bits of cork will land in his glass, not in the guests’. Some hosts even sip the wine before pouring, though others feel this is carrying tradition too far. 

Wine bottles should not be swathed in a napkin. Highly sedimented wine should be decanted or at least served from a basket. Wine glasses should be filled only two-thirds full, giving the bouquet room to rise.

Traditionally white wine (chilled) goes with light meat and seafood; red wine (room temperature) with red meat and game; and rosé wine with nearly anything. Many people feel that, with respect to wine anyhow, palate and pocketbook count more than tradition. They're probably right.

Q & A ON P’S & Q’S (Q) “I went to a bachelor party the other night and everybody was toast-happy. There were a dozen toasts, so I had a dozen drinks. Felt awful the next day. Must I toast EVERY time?” J. J. M., New Haven, Conn. (A) Yep, or risk insulting the guest of honor. But you don't have to down a glass with every toast (regardless of what boozehounds and traditionalists say). By sipping and fake sipping, you can toast till dawn on a single drink. – Don Goodwin, Copyright 1957

 Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia