Etiquette of the Patriarch Ball

This is in itself not original with the “Four Hundred” —vulgar term!—but was copied from the St. Cecilia, the most exclusive affair of the kind in aristocratic Charleston, where it has existed since the days of the Revolution.

In every city there is an assembly or dancing organization on the lines of the Patriarchs and Matriarchs in New York. This is in itself not original with the “Four Hundred” —vulgar term!—but was copied from the St. Cecilia, the most exclusive affair of the kind in aristocratic Charleston, where it has existed since the days of the Revolution. 

The assemblies proper in New York are called the Matriarchs. The arrangements are in the hands of a number of fashionable women instead of men. The plan of all these organizations is practically the same. In order to make matters easy and to pilot my reader through the intricacies of a fashionable ball, I will suppose that he is a stranger in New York, with some smart friends, and that he is going either to the Patriarchs’ or to the Assembly. The rules laid down will hold good for other cities. 

Your first intimation may be while visiting at the house of one of the patrons or patronesses, when your hostess or host may ask you if you would like to go to the Assembly or the Patriarchs’. If you have no other engagement for that evening—and I think it would be policy for you to make others subservient to this—you should reply that you would be delighted to do so. Your host or hostess will then say that he or she will send you a ticket. This may be one way, or you may receive a note asking if you are free for that particular date, whether “would you like to go to the Assembly?” etc., or again, you might simply receive a note with a ticket. 

In any one of these cases, just as soon as you receive the ticket you must answer your correspondent immediately, accepting, or, if you can not go, regretting and returning it. You must remember that all tickets are personal and each Patriarch or each patroness has only a certain number. — From The Complete Bachelor, Manners for Men, 1896

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

“Society As I Have Found It”- A Review

It is not that his book is given up to trivialities, but that his solemn way of dealing with them creates the impression that he imagines himself occupied in a kind of philosophical research. Darwin, in his evolution of his evolution theory, was not more impressed with the magnitude of his theme than Ward McAllister in establishing a rule of etiquette.

Oh! That Mine Enemy, Etc...

The enemies of Mr. Ward McAllister are indebted to that gentleman for a means of retaliation. Mr. McAllister’s book on “Society As I Have Found It” exposes him to merciless criticism. As a conductor of entertainments he was above reproach. He had studied one thing until he knew it well. No man in either hemisphere is more competent authority on such important matters as the month in the year in which salmon may be served at a swell dinner or the kind of sauce which may be served with it, he has given many, years’ study to intricate problems of this nature, and if he has not solved them satisfactorily, the man does not live who can prove that he has not. But a clever man with Mr. McAllister’s knowledge of society, in both Europe and America, ought to write an entertaining book. That is precisely what Mr. McAllister has failed to do. 

It is not that his book is given up to trivialities, but that his solemn way of dealing with them creates the impression that he imagines himself occupied in a kind of philosophical research. Darwin, in his evolution of his evolution theory, was not more impressed with the magnitude of his theme than Ward McAllister in establishing a rule of etiquette. In most pursuits, earnestness is an element of success. A writer impresses a public in proportion, as he is able to convince them that he believes his own theories and regards them as important. But with society as a theme, a man may be wise or witty, satirical or indulgent, a scoffer or a worshiper, but he must be bright. McAllister’s book is both trivial and dull. — San Francisco Call, 1890

Etiquette. Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Brits Copy American Customs, Wares

An 1892 American patented tea pot — “ American practices and precedents are freely quoted and adopted in English society. American ideas are copied without stint, and American wares, novelties, and inventions are generally advertised by London tradesmen.” 

Anglo-American Imitation

It is time that the truth should be understood in this matter of Anglo-American imitation. The opinion prevails that it is wholly one-sided, which most emphatically is not the case. The American leaven works in England about as strongly as the English notions obtain this side the water.

It is not a concession to American good sense and example that the English young woman of the best families now often walk the streets unattended by footmen! Such a thing a few years ago would have been impossible. American practices and precedents are freely quoted and adopted in English society. American ideas are copied without stint, and American wares, novelties, and inventions are generally advertised by London tradesmen. 

The most conservative of the London society and women's periodicals constantly set forth the “fads” of American women, and they long ago ceased the tone of half apology in which such items used to be couched. There seems, in fact, quite as great and admiration and respect for things American over there, as there is here for things English. — The New York Times, 1892

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Potatoes and Champagne

Above is a Hope pattern Saratoga Chip server, with a gilded, pierced bowl, by Mount Vernon Silver, circa 1899 — In Saratoga Springs, New York, legend has it that in 1853, a wealthy, but grumpy patron entered Moon’s Lake House, a restaurant on the shores of Saratoga Lake. The patron ordered Moon’s Fried Potatoes. These were a well-known house specialty. Fried potatoes were commonly served then in the French manner, which were thick-cut slices. The patron found them too thick and soggy for his tastes, though. Sending them back to the kitchen, he requested that they be thinner. He was served a second portion, but still not satisfied; he returned them a second time, insisting they be even thinner. The annoyed cook, a Mr. George Crum, wanted to teach the patron a lesson, so he sliced potatoes as paper thin as he could and over-salted them, thinking they’d then be inedible. When deep fried, these became crispy and impossible to eat with one’s fork. The surprising reaction from the diner was one of enthusiasm and an unexpected request for a second serving of chips. Soon other diners requested “Crum’s Saratoga Chips” beginning the illustrious history of “Saratoga Chips”, a Moon’s Lake House specialty.

A Gilded Age Fashion at Saratoga?

Potatoes and Champagne

At Saratoga, they have the funniest custom of eating potatoes with champagne. In fact, the Spa might be called the “Kingdom of Potatoes.” Everybody eats them, and not only at regular meal hours, but wherever two or three people are gathered together to have a good time, the potato flaunts itself before the palate of the party. 

At Moon’s, on the lake, when a bottle of champagne or pitcher of mint julep or claret cup is ordered, a plate, or several of them, heaped with crisp Saratoga chips, is brought on. Chips go even with a glass of lemonade. At the club house at the race track, the same peculiar custom prevails. It is the only summer resort where the potato has full sway. Out at Oarsman Jim Reilly’s hostlery, his hashed cream potatoes are famous, and anyone who doesn’t like potatoes has to eat them or be out of fashion at Saratoga.— Mercury News, 1894

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Gilded Age “High Handshake”

The 1890’s had the “high handshake,” and by the 1970’s in the U.S., we had the “high five.” According to TIME Magazine, in 2014, a Missouri State Representative wanted to make the “high-five” the state’s official greeting. So entrenched is the hand slapping “hello” in American culture, there is now a National High Five Day. There is also an International High Five Day, however air kisses, handshakes and bowing are much more accepted as the norms of etiquette in greetings worldwide, especially in social and business situations in which American culture is deemed too lax or informal.
– photo source, TIME

Greeting No Longer Consists of “Feigned Blow at Nose of Friend”

A higher handshake than the norm, as illustrated in Puck

 – Photo source, Library of Congress 

Etiquette has been defined as “the oil that makes the wheels of society run smoothly,” and no one will deny that a reasonably fixed code of social observance is useful and even necessary. But how deliciously funny some of our customs are! One of the most absurd of these, the “high handshake,” is to be chronicled, thankfully, as rapidly becoming obsolete. It has for several years been the absurdest burlesque of friendly greeting. 

The custom of shaking hands in token of cordial feeling had its origin in the ancient habit of kissing the hand of one’s superiors in rank in token of fealty or respect. Gradually, the handclasp of equals was evolved from the ceremony and has continued in favor. Our grandfathers’ graceful habit of kissing the hands of the women they wished to honor, passed into disuse with their other courtly manners when their picturesque costume of silk hose, buckled shoes, velvet and lace ruffles, was abandoned for the severities of their modern garb. 

There is an “eternal fitness” even in small matters, and the simple handshake seemed more in consonance with the simple dress of this century. The “high handshake” in which the hands are extended to a level with one’s nose and there grasped with a single movement as if to avert a blow, can claim affinity only with the clown’s “motley.” A glad farewell! – Los Angeles Herald, 1897

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Very Gilded Age Gift

The newest fancy for a gift! – Not just roses or bon-bons, but a fabulous parasol or umbrella handle, made with fine jewels, was “a dainty, pretty conceit, and when mounted, quite suggestive of summer showers” according to those in the know of 1893.

Nice, and Rather Pricey

The newest fancy for a gift, hidden in a basket of roses or box of “bons,” is a jeweled umbrella handle with a round ball top of white or black onyx, studded thickly with sapphires, rubies, emeralds and rubies, or pearls and turquoises, or diamonds and chrysoprases.  

Accompanying the handle is a gold band for the name, and gold points for the tip of each rib, all laid within a box of ivory or ebony lined with velvet. This is a dainty, pretty conceit, and when mounted, quite suggestive of summer showers.—Boston Courier, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of Another Gilded Age Fad

A triangular dining table “brings the entertainers and the entertained nearer together than at the ordinary square or round tables. A single cloth is not used on these triangular tables, but rather narrow scarfs of heavy open work. Between the scarf and the center piece, the space is filled with bonbon and salted almond dishes.”

The Newest Shape at a Feast

There is a new shape for the dinner table —a triangle. The host is seated in the middle of the shortest side and the hostess at the meeting of the two longer ones. This arrangement brings the entertainers and the entertained nearer together than at the ordinary square or round tables. 

A single cloth is not used on these triangular tables, but rather narrow scarfs of heavy open work. Between the scarf and the center piece, the space is filled with bonbon and salted almond dishes. — New York Journal, 1892

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

French Floral Etiquette for Fiancés

In France, the lover as a rule endeavors to send his fiancée each day a basket or bouquet of white flowers– In the mid-1800’s, Americans adopted the French terms for those engaged to be married; A fiancé is a man engaged to be married and a fiancée is a woman engaged to be married. These two terms soon became part of American culture. 

Flowers From a Fiancé

Here is a custom of France which it would be well for our American young girls to reflect upon— and to encourage. It is to receive presents of flowers only, even from a fiancé. If the engagement should be broken — as engagements sometimes are, you know there can be no horrible entanglement about the return of gifts. Flowers are perishable. They die with the day, but while they last they are capable of affording exquisite pleasure and gratification. 

In France, the lover as a rule endeavors to send to his fiancée each day a basket or bouquet of white flowers. And as the supply is bound to meet the demand, there are florists who make a business of engagement flowers. There one discovers, a special etiquette about the way in which, the white satin ribbon is tied on to them— a true lover’s knot, of course — and we learn that the present prevailing mode is a basket of white flowers tied with white ribbon and veiled in white tulle. Very sweet and pretty and dainty, no doubt, but to us Americans rather suggestive of a baby’s funeral. We will take our flowers colored, if you please— and never mind the ribbons or the tulle. – San Francisco Call, 1894

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia