Mark Twain’s Tale of Camp Etiquette

The bully in the saloon had his choice between beans or death, and he knew it. - Public domain image of  Mark Twain

Beans in Camp: Mark Twain Tells of an Example of Strict Etiquette and Fair Play

There was a strict camp etiquette, which was recognized and considered law by all, and it was of this etiquette that Mark Twain told me an example.

    A Boston man was eating breakfast early one morning, at a table near the open door and the half bar, half restaurant of the place. He was just finishing his plate of pork and beans when two Missouri men passed along and saw the Boston man and his breakfast. They stopped within a foot or two. “Look at that,” said the bigger of the Missouri men, contemptuously. “Do you see what that blankety-blankety-blank Boston thing is eating? Why, down in Missouri where I come from we feed them things to our horses. Only the brutes eat that grub down there.”

Presently the bully stepped inside and sat down opposite the Boston man at the same table. When the plate of beans had been eaten the Boston man called out to the bartender: “Pete, give me another plateful. Pile it up. I like ‘em.” When the heaped-up plate came, the Boston man, quick as a flash, had pulled out his revolver, had the Missouri man covered with it, and then, pushing the full plateful of beans across the table, told the Missouri man to “eat it and like it,” or he'd shoot him, like the dog that he was.

The bully had his choice between beans or death, and he knew it. When he had eaten every bean, he was made to say that he liked beans, and then, and not till then, did the Boston man put his pistol up, pay for both orders of beans and leave the saloon.

“Now,” said Mark, “the reason the Missouri man didn’t whip out his gun and shoot as soon as the bean-eater’s back was turned, was because of camp etiquette. Each man had his fun with the other, and they were even. If the Boston man had been shot, the Missouri man, as quick as news could fly, would have had his body filled with lead from the revolver of every man in camp, regardless of party. You see, we were quite sticklers for fair play in those days.” – New York Journal, 1896

  🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Mark Twain on Etiquette

“Garish vulgarity taints what is regarded, commonly at least, as the ‘best society.’ How much richer may we get before degenerating into utter savagery?”   – Mark Twain’s and Charles Dudley Warner’s 1873 novel, “The Gilded Age: A Tale of Today,” satirized the era from the late 1800’s to the early 1900’s. It was a period of great division in the United States, between the ‘haves’ and the ‘have nots’ — a period when serious social problems and changes were marked by a thin vermeil gilding, amid great wealth inequalities.

Mark Twain, at a dinner in New York talked on etiquette. “I once read a book of etiquette, and still remember many of

the rules. The most important rules were these:

“How to accept a proffered cigar.– Slip the right hand into the box, draw forth two, place one absently in the upper pocket of the vest, insert the other between the lips and look inquiringly around for a light.

“How to leave a room properly.– Open the door, place one foot over the sill, follow it up closely with the other foot, and then, turning slightly, shut the door.

“How to accept a dinner invitation. – Eat a light breakfast and no lunch.

“How to accept an invitation to drink.– Look careless, Say, ‘Don't care. if I do,’ and fix the gaze on the other side of the room while the liquor is being poured into the glass. This will assure you a full portion.” – San Jose Mercury News, 1906

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Etiquette Laughs

“Every Saturday” was an American literary magazine published in Boston, Massachusetts, in the mid-19th century. Mark Twain was one contributor. By the amount of humorous articles Etiquipedia has found on dining etiquette, written during the Gilded Age in America, it is clear that those who did not have the benefit of dining at the finest tables, sought refuge in laughter at the peculiar seeming manners of those who did.

Table Etiquette

• Bread should be broken, not cut; but if you don’t like bread, ‘cut’ it. In ‘breaking’ bread use a curb bit. 
• Don’t fill your mouth too full; rather allow some of the food to get into your moustache. 
• Split a biscuit with your fingers, instead of opening it with a knife like an oyster. lf the biscuit be hard, a beetle and wedge are admissible in the best society. 
• Salt should never be put on the table cloth, but on the side of your plate. If, however, you want to pickle the tablecloth in brine, you must put salt on it, of course. 
• Do not rattle your knife and fork. A knife and spoon will be found more musical. 
• Eat your soup from the side of your spoon, either inside or outside. 
• Do not take game in your fingers. This, however, does not apply to a game at cards. 
• Do not rest your arms on the tablecloth. Stack your arms in a corner of the room before beginning dinner. 
• When asked what part of the fowl you prefer, answer promptly. If you want the whole of it, don't hesitate to say so. 
• Do not drink with the spoon in your cup; put it in your pocket. Forgetting it, you will be so much ahead. A close regard to this rule has enabled Ben Butler to accumulate a competency. 
• Never leave the table until all are through, without sufficient excuse. The sudden entrance of a policeman with a warrant for your arrest, is generally considered sufficient excuse in polite circles. 
• Never help yourself to articles of food with your knife or fork. Use a harpoon or lassoo. 
• When you have finished your meal lay your knife and fork on your plate, side by side, with the handles toward the right, a little south by southwest, bearing northerly when the wind is off the side-board quarter. –Every Saturday, 1880

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Franz Josef

Franz Josef was the most beloved Emperor of the Habsburg Monarchy in Austria

Mark Twain and the Emperor

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How the Humorist Met Franz Josef 

An amusing description of the introduction of the late Samuel Longhorn Clemens—“Mark Twain”—to the Emperor Franz Josef in the later ’90s is given by Dr. Charles Vincent Herdliska, who as Secretary of the United States embassy at Vienna, effected the introduction.

Mr. Clemens was a good deal worried about what he should say to the Emperor. He told Dr. Herdliska that he feared he might be so overcome as to forget his little speech. “Never mind.” replied the Secretary “the Emperor will know what you intend to say. You have to send your speech to the Palace several days before you are presented. Then if his Majesty does not like what you are going to say, he need not receive you.

We shall find the Emperor standing in the center of the large reception hall in the Palace, and together we shall cross the floor to him, and I shall speak the words of presentation. When the Emperor has replied, you will say your say in English, addressing it to me, and I will repeat it to the Emperor in German. His Majesty will then reply to me in German and I will translate it to you.”

“Is that all there will be to it?” asked the humorist, with visible disappointment. “That will be all. And don’t offer to shake hands. That would be an unpardonable breach of Court etiquette. As soon as we have exchanged greetings, we shall withdraw.”

On the appointed day Mr. Clemens and Dr. Herdliska appeared at the Palace. Between double lines of guards, the two Americans were ushered through room after room until they reached the threshold of the audience chamber. The door of the reception hall swung open, and humorist and secretary advanced toward the solitary figure of the aged Monarch.

All three bowed and Dr. Herdliska spoke the formal words of presentation. The Emperor replied. Mr. Clemens then began his speech, but had not repeated more than a sentence or two when the Emperor spoke a few words in German to Dr. Herdliska, and turning on his heel, started across the floor toward a distant door.

The Secretary started to follow; but Mr. Clemens, who understood German imperfectly, clutched his arm, whispering, “Hold on, doctor! This isn’t according to your instructions! Shall I go on with my speech?” Dr. Herdliska explained that the Emperor had said, ‘‘Tell Mr. Clemens he need not finish his speech. I have already read it. Both of you come into my library.” Much relieved. Mr. Clemens followed Dr. Herdliska into the Emperor’s study, where his Majesty put all formality aside and entertained the two Americans for an hour.

The humorist was by this time in quite a mellow mood; his fear of royalty was a thing of the past. The Emperor’s cigars were very much to his liking. As the interview came to an end, the Emperor did a most unusual thing; he extended his hand to Mr. Clemens, who gave it a hearty grasp. And when Dr. Herdliska and his companion reached the latter’s hotel, they found the Emperor had done another unusual thing—he had sent a servant to the author’s apartment with a dozen boxes of the cigars that had given the humorist so much satisfaction. — Los Angeles Herald, 1915

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia