Etiquette and Leaning on the Table

  

This is not “good form,” nor hardly necessary, since every one can hear without leaning forward, but even careful and well-mannered people may occasionally relax from “form” when in intimate circles, thus becoming “informal.”

It is not correct to lean the arms or elbows on the table, and one should never allow himself this lax, if pleasant, habit unless it is at a most informal and intimate dinner where, after the main courses are finished, three or four persons draw near together over the cloth for earnest or pleasant talk. This is not “good form,” nor hardly necessary, since every one can hear without leaning forward, but even careful and well-mannered people may occasionally relax from “form” when in intimate circles, thus becoming “informal.” 

This allowable laxity does not, however, relate to such manners as would become offensive, obnoxious, or disgusting to others. To instance: it is exceedingly bad form to use a toothpick, or otherwise fuss with the teeth at a formal dinner, but it is exactly as bad form to do the same thing if there is but one other person present and that person should be a child. To see another person pick his teeth, or to hear him make sucking noises through them is disgusting, and if one does it he justly earns the censure and contumely of whoever is next.

When you sit at table, sit squarely on your chair, not on the extreme edge or at the side. Sit so you will be comfortable and then sit quietly. Do not put your feet on the rungs of the chair, or kick the table legs. – Della Thompson Lutes, 1923 

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Table Manners: When and How to Sit at a Table

 

“While at the table, it is not considered good manners to put one's elbows on the table, to trifle with the knives and forks or to clink the glasses. When not occupied, the hands should be quietly in the lap, for nothing so marks the well-bred gentleman or lady as repose at the table.” — They are both sitting properly, but he can’t understand where his stemware is located!

Whether it be a family dinner without guests, or a formal occasion, a man shows courtesy and breeding by waiting until the ladies have been seated. At a luncheon or dinner, a woman waits politely until her hostess is seated and a young girl does not take her place until each older woman has taken hers.

One should sit erect and neither lounge nor bend forward while eating. A seat drawn too closely throws out the elbows, one too far away and crooks the back. The proper compromise is a position in which the waist or chest is about eight inches from the table.

While at the table, it is not considered good manners to put one's elbows on the table, to trifle with the knives and forks or to clink the glasses. When not occupied, the hands should be quietly in the lap, for nothing so marks the well-bred gentleman or lady as repose at the table. — The Bride's Book, 1907

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia