Gilded Age Etiquette of the Napkin

A silver plated napkin ring, festooned with cherries and commemorative monograms of dates and initials. — “Napkin rings should be abandoned, or relegated to the nursery tea table.”

• A napkin should never be put on the table a second time until it has been rewashed, therefore napkin rings should be abandoned, or relegated to the nursery tea table. 
• At a fashionable meal, the guest does not fold his napkin. 
• At a social tea or breakfast, he may do so if the hostess set the example, but there is no absolute law governing that branch of the subject. 
• Never fasten your napkin around your neck; lay it across your knee, convenient to the hand and lift one corner only to wipe the mouth. 
• Men who wear a mustache are allowed to “saw” the mouth with the napkin, as if it were a bearing rein, but for ladies would look too masculine. 
• Nothing is more unpleasant than a damp napkin. 
• Never allow a napkin to be placed on your table until it has been well aired. - From Mrs. John Sherwood’s, “Manners and Usages,” 1887

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Early Napkins

Romans were connoisseurs, and whenever a Roman nobleman gave a dining to his many friends, some new fad was anticipated. 

Origin of Napkins in Rome

The Romans were the first to call the semblance of a napkin into use. It is a matter of history, whether it be accepted as true or not, that the Romans were connoisseurs, and that whenever a Roman nobleman gave a dining to his many friends, some new fad was anticipated. Sometimes these expectations were realized in the shape of a new dish, or sometimes it was an innovation that would appear in the next issue of the Rules of Etiquette, stylographed by Ciceronius and Son.

One day a Roman nobleman— I forget his name, though he was an ancestor of Caesar— had a large dining. It was given in honor of his return from Germany, where he had won many rights and captured numerous slaves. These slaves were long-haired, rosy-cheeked maidens of beautiful figure and gentle ways. An idea got into the possession of the nobleman and he carried it into instant execution.

When dinner was served every guest was astonished to observe seated at his very feet a handsome woman, with loose flowing locks of the blonde order. Just what they should do with the fair intruders none of the guests appeared to know, until the host of the occasion having devoured a dish of elegant ragout, leaned over and used the hair of the maid nearest him for a napkin.

Needless to mention the guests were delighted and swiftly followed suit. Later the noblemen who could not afford slaves for this purpose used their own beards. Since that time there has been an evolution in napkins until they have become what they are now. — Atlanta Constitution, 1896

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Napkin Etiquette at Versailles

The Table Napkin — Curiously enough, that article now considered almost indispensable, the table napkin, was first used only by children and was only adopted by elder members of the family about the middle of the 15th century. In etiquette books of an earlier date than this, among other sage pieces of advice for children, are instructions about wiping their fingers and lips with their napkins. It seems that the tablecloth was long enough to reach the floor and served the grown people in place of napkins. When they did begin to use napkins, they placed them first on the shoulder, then on the left arm and finally tied them about the neck.—Youth's Companion, 1893

French Court Napkin Etiquette

The French court imposed elaborate codes of etiquette on the aristocracy, among them the way to use a napkin, when to use it, and how far to unfold it in the lap. A French treatise dating from 1729 stated that "It is ungentlemanly to use a napkin for wiping the face or scraping the teeth, and a most vulgar error to wipe one's nose with it." And a rule of decorum from the same year laid out the protocol:

"The person of highest rank in the company should unfold his napkin first, all others waiting till he has done so before they unfold theirs. When all of those present are social equals, all unfold together, with no ceremony."

Fashionable men of the time wore stiffly starched ruffled collars, a style protected while dining with a napkin tied around the neck. Hence the expression "to make ends meet." When shirts with lace fronts came into vogue, napkins were tucked into the neck or buttonhole or were attached with a pin. In 1774, a French treatise declared, "the napkin covered the front of the body down to the knees, starting from below the collar and not tucked into said collar."

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia