Credit When Credit is Due

It is painful to think how few people give children the credit they deserve. We all have children among us, or at least President Roosevelt hopes we do, but no one realizes how far they go in teaching our best society true etiquette. — A newspaper editor had some thoughts on children’s behavior after an Easter egg hunt in 1908.

Give Children Credit

From the Editor of the Calistogan: J. O. Wilkinson had a large garden party on Easter Sunday at his home here, the guests being composed solely of children, whose pleasures were divided between hunting for Easter eggs and eating candy. It is painful to think how few people give children the credit they deserve. We all have children among us, or at least President Roosevelt hopes we do, but no one realizes how far they go in teaching our best society true etiquette. 

Invite a lot of youngsters to a party where there is something to eat and none of them will cause the host annoyance by tardy arrivals; at the theater they are there before the rise of the curtain and never come in late to disturb the audience, nor do any of them leave before the performance is over. —The Weekly Calistogan, 1908

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Royal Etiquette in Vogue at D.C.

Extravagant floral arrangements and lights decorate the East Room of the White House for the state dinner given by President Theodore Roosevelt, in honor of Prince Henry of Prussia in 1902. – “… An invitation or a summons of any kind to the White House as a command. This, of course, is borrowed from Royalty.”

The custom is being recognized more and more of regarding an invitation or a summons of any kind to the White House as a command. This, of course, is borrowed from Royalty. President McKinley invited Senator Platt, of New York, to the White House near the end of his first term to meet a distinguished company at dinner. Senator Platt did not go. When he was asked why, he pleaded that he had a previous engagement. But so far as known, no person since Mr. Roosevelt has been President, has pleaded any reason other than illness for declining an invitation to dinner or luncheon, and, indeed, there is little doubt that if a plea of a previous engagement were made now the President would resent it. Even the French Ambassador had to call off a dinner on one day's notice because he had been bidden to the White House. – Press Democrat, 1905

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Business Women, 1924

‘… This ability to be interested in everything, to be ignorant of the meaning of the word “boredom” was one of the strongest and most alive traits in the personality of Theodore Roosevelt, and it was one of the means by which he impressed every one who met him with his unfailing courtesy. He was by nature one of the most courteous of men, and his wide experience and training made him “one of the greatest masters of etiquette.”’ ~ Whenever speaking of etiquette, another Roosevelt always comes to mind… Eleanor Roosevelt. Not only did she write a terrific book of etiquette and numerous etiquette articles and news columns, but she presided over the White House as First Lady during a time when so many women left their homes and went to work in factories to help the war effort during WWII. – Public domain image of Eleanore Roosevelt

Courtesy an Important Part of Personality

Personality is a word that has come into wide usage within recent years, but no one seems to be able to define it satisfactorily. We know what it means and we instantly recognize the quality when we meet some one who possesses it; but there are two sorts of personality. There is the kind that wins us, that draws us irresistibly to its possessor, and there is the kind that may be so sharply accented that we are repelled instantly. In both of these, courtesy, or the lack of it, plays an important part. It is just by taking a little thought, by learning the rules of the game as courteously played, that we can go far toward winning the desirable kind of personality if we are not so fortunate as to have been endowed with it in the beginning.

The prime ingredient of true courtesy is unselfishness, though there are many persons with charming and courteous manners who are paragons of selfishness at heart. Nevertheless, true courtesy calls for at least a momentary forgetfulness of self, for thought for others and for expression of that thought by outward deed and manner. We shall, of course, differ from each other in that expression according to our different individualities, and this is to be desired. A stereotyped manner or an exactly similar method of being courteous would make the world a drearily monotonous place in which to live and it would not be long before we should all be seized with a desire to be as discourteous as possible, if only to break this monotony.

Limiting One's Mental Outlook

To be courteous means also to be kind. It is only courteous to assume an attitude of interest when another is talking, even if one have no real interest in the subject under discussion. This considerate attention will create a good impression, will add to the effect of one’s personality and will help to develop a characteristic essential for success. And after all, when one finds it difficult to be interested in something entirely apart from his own affairs, or when one is easily “bored,” he at once establishes limits to his mental outlook and starts the formation of a habit that is certain to cut him off from much future enjoyment in life. This ability to be interested in everything, to be ignorant of the meaning of the word “boredom” was one of the strongest and most alive traits in the personality of Theodore Roosevelt, and it was one of the means by which he impressed every one who met him with his unfailing courtesy. He was by nature one of the most courteous of men, and his wide experience and training made him “one of the greatest masters of etiquette.”

This courteous attitude is essential in the daily intercourse with one’s officemates. It is difficult enough to live one’s business days harmoniously with the same group of men and women without friction; but it is infinitely more difficult to do so if each one selfishly lives for his own impulses and desires. Courtesy plays a big part here in smoothing the rough places, in making the necessary contacts as pleasant as possible and in preventing much unhappiness and dissatisfaction. – By Ida White Parker, 1924

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Punctilious White House Etiquette

Washington D.C.’s social etiquette was changed greatly during the first Roosevelt administration. A social secretary for the President’s wife came just in time to help out. Isabella Hagner had worked as a social secretary for several women, and among them was Anna Roosevelt Cowles, President Theodore Roosevelt's sister. She was later employed by Mrs.Theodore Roosevelt as the first salaried White House social secretary. 

How the White House Changed Under Theodore Roosevelt 

Under the name of “An Old Resident,” a correspondent of the New York Herald writes extensively of what he declares to be the prevalence of “manners and customs of Courts in favor at the White House.” His statements are in part as follows: 

It is the talk of the clubs in Washington that there is a marked “inching up” toward the manners and customs of Royal Courts at the White House. It is the gossip of the kettledrums that they are at last learning how to do things properly in America. The women buzz over it with delight. They think the more formal a thing is and the more showy its accompaniments, the more desirable it is that it should mark the goings on in the home of the head of the government. And some of them unconsciously speak of him as the “Ruler.” As a matter of fact, the social doings at the White House now, and especially since the verdict of last November, differ in a widely marked degree from anything ever known. 

There is something in the formal etiquette, of the increased gold braid, which hints at a Court rather than the home of the American President. The most remarkable innovation in the White House ceremonies is that of having a constantly increasing number of army and navy officers in attendance. This has been a custom of slow growth. Former Presidents adopted it and then abandoned it, as the custom suited them, and then adopted it again. But it has now increased into proportions so great as to cause widespread comment.  

When Captain Cowles, a brother-in-law of the President, was the President’s aid at the White House he instituted the rule of having everybody arise when the President entered the room and remain standing until the President was seated. On one occasion, at a musicale or tea, he endeavored to put this into effect. Many of the women openly rebelled, and Captain Cowles had to desist in his efforts to have that deference shown to the President. They have adopted a punctiliousness without precedent at the White House under President Roosevelt. 

On state occasions army officers march ahead of the President and lead the way into the dining room. At the table all the guests remain standing until the President is seated. In leaving the table, all guests rise and remain in their places until the President has taken his departure. The President is invariably seated first. This is true not only of state dinners but of private dinners, informal luncheons and family dinners. Not even Mrs. Roosevelt is served first. The rules of the White House in connection with receptions will undoubtedly be more strictly enforced this year than ever. Those governing reporters are very strict. They are required to stand in a given place, and it must be confessed that they are at a disadvantage.

One of the reporters last winter, Miss Margaret Wade, of the Washington Post, declined to stand where she had been told to because her work was interfered with by other women spectators, who were not practicing the newspaper vocation. For this, she was excluded from the White House and has not been there since, nor would she be admitted if she applied. A singular complication now arises from the fact that Miss Made has been appointed social secretary to Mrs. Fairbanks, wife of the Vice-President. 

The custom is being recognized more and more of regarding an invitation or a summons of any kind to the White House as a command. This, of course, is borrowed from Royalty. President McKinley invited Senator Platt, of New York, to the White House near the end of his first term to meet a distinguished company at dinner. Senator Platt did not go. When he was asked why, he pleaded that he had a previous engagement. But so far as known, no person since Mr. Roosevelt has been President, has pleaded any reason other than illness for declining an invitation to dinner or luncheon, and, indeed, there is little doubt that if a plea of a previous engagement were made now the President would resent it. Even the French Ambassador had to call off a dinner on one day's notice because he had been bidden to the White House. – Press Democrat, 1905

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Royal Etiquette Confusion

"In an era of gentlemen adventurers, Theodore Roosevelt stood apart." — Travel and Leisure Magazine

Shortly after leaving the White House, the former U.S. President left for sites beyond the U.S. borders. World Monarchs did not know how to treat someone who no longer carried the title of "President," but that of "Colonel" and wherever he went, confusion followed.

The Colonel's Triumphal Progress in Confusing the Royal Courts 

Sore disturbance is caused by the advent of the Colonel among the crowned heads. The Court Chamberlains, the Lords of the Powder Closet and the lesser dignitaries who regulate the ceremonial observance that doth hedge a King are deeply agitated, making search for precedents and finding none. 

If Roosevelt were President of the United States the matter would be comparatively simple, but here is a man without official rank, who, nevertheless, must be received with almost royal honors. As the favorite son of the most powerful nation on the globe, Citizen Roosevelt bears a representative character that defies all precedent. 

Contemporary European Monarchs, who are men of the world, recognize the conditions and act on their judgment, ignoring traditions. But the situation causes acute distress to the custodians and interpreters of the severe and rigid etiquette that governs Courts. Any breakdown of these rules takes on the aspect of sacrilege among the minor dignitaries, who, in fact, owe their official existence to their function of making a hedge for royalty. 

At Copenhagen, for instance, the Chamberlains and superior Butlers of the Court were perplexed because the Colonel was compelled, by non-delivery of his baggage, to sit at the Royal Board in his old clothes. But the King of Denmark had more sense and at once accepted the situation. 

Emperor Wilhelm has announced that he will personally meet the Colonel at the railway station in Berlin and conduct him in one of the Royal automobiles to the castle. This is a distinction hitherto reserved for crowned heads. 

It need not be doubted that King Edward will not be outdone in courtesy by the Kaiser. It is a triumphal progress that the Colonel makes, breaking all precedents and shattering the consecrated code of Court etiquette. — San Francisco Call, 1910

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for Former President

Theodore Roosevelt in Egypt, 1910 — Of all US Presidents, Theodore Roosevelt is the only one whose greatness and popularity increased when he left the office. When he toured Europe in 1910, as "Colonel Roosevelt," he was hailed as the most famous man in the world. Crowned heads vied to put him up in their castles and palaces. Etiquette note: When a President leaves office, the title of President is not supposed to be used, unless it is used in the title "Former President." But we continue to see and hear former US Presidents referred to as "President" on television and radio programs. The job is a temporary one and the title belongs only to the current office holder. 

Monarchs Perplexed About Etiquette Regarding “the Colonel”

WHAT to do with Roosevelt, or rather about Roosevelt? Lord Cromer is reported to have audibly thanked his God that the Colonel made no sally upon India, where the relations between the British Raj and the natives are even more strained than in Egypt. 

The cautious British statesman conceives of the Colonel as one who goes about dropping matches in any convenient powder magazine that lies in his itinerary. The Colonel has such an overpowering personality, that they never know what he will do next. But they always know it after it is done.

Therefore King Edward is reported to be no little perplexed and, in a word, frightened about the advent of the Colonel. A nice, old gentleman who has been carefully fenced about all his life with rigid barriers of exacting Court etiquette and saturated with an atmosphere of polite deference may look forward with some dread to meeting one who speaks his mind so bluntly. 

The Colonel is not skilled in the observances of a court where the worst crime in the calendar is the faux pas. So the King is reported to be anxiously considering whether the rules of Court etiquette might not be used as a convenient shelter in which to hide.

The Kaiser is different. He is not bothered by etiquette and precedent. He makes precedents, and is ready to meet Roosevelt, man to man. There is no flutter in the Imperial dovecotes at Potsdam. The Kaiser has a homely taste for plain living and high thinking. He bid his guest to potluck on sauerkraut and sausage, it may be and bids Polly put the kettle on, for a big talkfest is on the way. 

Princes and potentates are all human in their, several ways, and some prefer the heady brew, while others like to look upon the tea when it is pink. — San Francisco Call, 1910

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia