More Faux Pas from Miss Manners

Invitations must always be specific, which means that a host who will allow a guest to bring someone else (and no host is obligated to) does not add “and guest” but asks his original guest who it will be and invite that person. 

More of the etiquette blunders which upset Miss Manners!

Why don’t people pay strict attention to Miss Manners instead of trying to argue with her? There is a body of etiquette beliefs, firmly held in this society that is wrong, wrong, wrong. If you only knew how weary Miss Manners gets of repeating the same things, in a never-ending crusade to separate gentle people from this misinformation, you would use your energy to fetch her a cool drink, instead.

Here, for positively (or possibly) the last time, is a list of common errors. It's not true:

That the right to make decisions concerning the form of a wedding is for sale within the family, so that paying for all of it buys complete tyranny, while paying for part is like buying so many shares of voting stock. No, no, no. One may gain control of wedding by “giving” it in the sense of the bride’s parents being the hosts, or the couple issuing their own invitations, but the money has nothing to do with it. 

That a widow’s formal name changes, with her given name substituted for his, between “Mrs.” and their surname. No, no, no! It stays the same, and why do her friends keep taunting her by telling her it doesn't? 

That social invitations are not meant exclusively for the person to whom they are issued, but contain the right to bring at least one date. If not several friends. No, no, no. Invitations must always be specific, which means that a host who will allow a guest to bring someone else (and no host is obligated to) does not add “and guest” but asks his original guest who it will be and invite that person. 

That greeting cards require being acknowledged. No. no. no! People require acknowledgements of their courtesies, but cards do not. Miss Manners has never liked the silly things, so much more trouble to select than it would be to write a line of congratulations or condolence, but will not permit people to use them and then complain of not receiving attention for them. 

That Miss Manners is willing to debate these matters further. — Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners, 1984

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Christmas or Yule Card Etiquette

Etiquette for whose name is first, last and signatures...

Q. Whose name comes first if you use a card with your names printed or engraved on it?

A. Here the wife’s name is courteously used first; “Mary and Tom’’ (or "Mary and Tom Green”).


Q. If a Christmas card is engraved with the sender’s names, with “Mr. and Mrs.” should these be at the top or bottom of the card?

A. Always at the top. Otherwise, they might seem like a signature.

 
Q. When signing the card, whose name is written first the husband’s or wife’s?

A. It is courteous for the person signing the card to write the other name first. For example, if you sign the card for you and your husband, it should read: “Tom and Mary.'’ – The Desert Sun, 1966

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia